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“Too many”

May 12th, 2007 · 29 comments

This card came with a box of homemade mandelbrot from my very own passive-aggressive Jewish grandmother.

Wishing you love, joy and a good day! Enjoy but don't eat too many!!

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Grandma · hey fatty

29 responses so far ↓

  • #1   rx

    Your grandmother bakes you fractals?

    May 21, 2007 at 8:46 pm   rating: 88  small thumbs up

  • #2   Jacqueline

    omg…that’s my mother in law! I get weight loss cookbooks from her as gifts.

    A hint cleverly disguised as a gift.

    May 24, 2007 at 7:46 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #3   hymes

    “You’re eating again?!”, said 5 hours after I last ate.

    A female relative who shall remain nameless.

    May 24, 2007 at 11:00 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #4   Maz

    Just be glad your bubby still bakes for you!

    May 29, 2007 at 11:22 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #5   Misty

    Gee, I hardly eat at all, this from my 2 daughters in law and my daughter who weigh as much as a small country.

    Jun 1, 2007 at 2:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #6   Mishee bang

    I wonder if the cookies were fucking delicious….

    Nov 12, 2007 at 10:06 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #7   Mishee bang

    I went online and found the recipe for these cookies:

    2 c. double meanings
    3/4 c thinly veiled put downs (finely chopped)
    2 tsp of vanilla (’cause everything needs vanilla)
    a dash of guilt
    and a dollop of love (of course, ’cause they only say those things because they care)

    Enjoy! (but don’t eat too many!)

    Nov 15, 2007 at 12:43 am   rating: 117  small thumbs up

  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    Wait, is this some type of bread? If so substitute “bread” for “cookies” and “it” for “them” in number ten.

    Sorry, I’d never heard of it and went on comment #9. A quick google found bread recipies and fractile equations!

    Nov 15, 2007 at 1:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    “Here’s a box of guilt bread, Chunky-butt. Enjoy it, I’ll be watching your buttocks grow!”

    Good PANLord I hope it’s some type of bread! :-D

    Nov 15, 2007 at 1:39 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   Mishee bang

    CB – I had the same issue with the google search. I found that adding “recipe” at the end of the search terms got rid of all the pesky fractile equation results. It’s some kind of cookie….

    Nov 15, 2007 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   AntiNickname

    My Jewish mother has sent me an entire cake with a card that had a fat woman eating a huge ice cream cone on the front. The inside said “Share this with your friends!”

    I love that my mother thinks that upon receiving an entire cake, I’d quickly run into my dorm room, lock the door, and devour the entire thing all by myself.

    Nov 15, 2007 at 2:06 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

  • #12   laure

    CB: It literally means ‘almond bread,’ but it’s like biscotti.

    Nov 15, 2007 at 3:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #13   e*c

    CB: it’s actually “mandel bread,” a bread-like dessert made for passover. it’s literally the heaviest, densest cake you’ll ever find, since it’s made with matzo meal and does not rise.

    it’s also sinfully delicious (when made correctly), and takes twice as long to burn off at the gym.

    Nov 21, 2007 at 11:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #14   jewlicious

    e*c — while it’s typically pronounced “mandel bread,” the correct spelling is actually “mandelbrot,” which as laure points out, literally means “almond bread.”

    Nov 21, 2007 at 4:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Escape Goat

      “Mandelbrot” is the sound you make when trying to “mandel bread” with a mouth full of cake.

      Dec 12, 2009 at 4:18 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #15   Chaim

    Being a Jew myself, I’ve noticed that Jews seem to have more food issues than any other normal people you’d care to mention. Not that Jews aren’t “normal”- I just mean other people without medically diagnosed food issues, like bulimia or food allergies. Oh, geez, this has gone on long enough and I’m due back at my old Hebrew School. We’re breaking in a new Rabbi and I’m bringing him a very fancy new Talit, which I hope he likes. I’m very nervous about it because a Rabbi can, you know, make life very difficult for a young man of my age in the community. I was going to also maybe include a bottle of Manischewitz maybe but who am I to assume?

    Anyhoo, I really have got to go. Many Jewish “Hellos” from your friend Chaim. To my Goyish friends out there, might I maybe suggest a little love for your friends of the Semitic persuasion maybe? Be good to your mothers and Go Mets!

    Apr 10, 2008 at 2:00 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #16   why is it that on this night we’re, like, allowed to eat carbs?

    [...] gotta love my grandma cookie — she’s always looking out for my [...]

    Apr 20, 2008 at 12:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Wade bang

    I still think it is funny that Kerry gets advice about overeating… from Grandma Cookie!

    Happy PAN Day!!

    May 12, 2008 at 8:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #18   Mishee bang

    Ahhhh, aren’t anniversaries just wonderful?

    Maybe Grandma Cookie can bake you some mandelbrot to commemorate the occasion.

    (It’s totally amazing how much PAN has grown in the past year! Kerry – you ROCK!)

    May 12, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   #20

    Hooray! Number 20!

    Leave a comment (but don’t leave too much).

    Jul 28, 2008 at 1:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #20   Gregory Meyer


    Nov 12, 2008 at 8:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   timbercore

    wow.. made it to the end/beginning.

    Dec 21, 2008 at 2:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   but…but…i didn’t forget!

    [...] my grandma cookie is 85 today! won’t you join me in wishing her joy, love and a good day? [...]

    Mar 24, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #23   MAMARILLA2 bang

    For inspiration, one should alway start at the begining…

    If you were to take a small portion or pass because of the caloric intake being more than you should have, this same woman would suddenly worry and guilt about “your not eating enough to sustain a fly. Eat, eat, Don’t you like it..etc”.

    Aug 15, 2009 at 3:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #24   mystic_eye_cda

    I started at the newest posts and read all the way through to the first post. It took a couple of weeks.

    Now what am I going to do to avoid folding laundry? huh?

    Now I’m going to have to fold Mt Laundry and its all your fault!

    PS The laundry was fucking delicious!!!!

    Nov 6, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   anglophile bang


      Did you read all the comments, too, mystic eye?

      Nov 6, 2009 at 3:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   mystic_eye_cda

      Most of them… they really crack me up, and I really hate housework *lol*

      Nov 8, 2009 at 9:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   That’d be GREAT |

    [...] too many [...]

    Apr 6, 2010 at 10:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #26   "Just enough." |

    [...] card from her mother-in-law (who apparently comes from the same school of gift-giving as my own Grandma Cookie).  ”Since April I’ve lost 15 pounds,” Jennifer explains. “Apparently [...]

    Aug 5, 2010 at 9:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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