Comments on: But…but that’s not really passive-aggressive!

By: alexannie

alexannie — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:58:47 +0000

I thought the notes were funny but this blog string is even better–doggy dog? LMAO!

By: Sally Villarreal

Sally Villarreal — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 21:44:48 +0000

Isn’t the very act of leaving a note and not talking to someone directly passive aggressive?

By: Chris Daniel

Chris Daniel — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:43:03 +0000

I thought this needed to be rewritten more appropriately for the site. (For bonus points, print it out and take a picture of it tacked to a microwave.)

Dear Readers,

We know we’re misusing the term passive agressive!!! Please stop correcting us!?! Weâ€™re using a pretty broad (like you) definition that’s how it’s popularly used, okay? (Most (that is, “normal”) people donâ€™t go diving for the dsm IV when someone describes his or her roommate as â€œso passive-aggressiveâ€ â€” or â€œso antisocialâ€ or â€œso sadisticâ€ or â€œso schizo,â€ for that matter!!)
Some of the notes here are really more aggressive, and some of them are just plain passive, but they all share a common sense of frustration thatâ€™s been channeled into a written note rather than a face-to-face confrontation. Right? YOU woudn’t want someone to do this to you all the time, would you??!
While it may be more accurate, â€œasshole-ish notes from roommates, neighbors, coworkers and strangersâ€ just doesnâ€™t roll off the tongue quite as easily, you know? SO PLEASE STOP.

love,
the management.

By: Steph Mineart

Steph Mineart — Thu, 24 May 2007 14:27:47 +0000

Leaving a note is passive-aggressive. Walking up and talking to the person about your problem when you know who is responsible is not.

Plus, these are hilarious.

By: Dreadalus

Dreadalus — Thu, 24 May 2007 10:18:19 +0000

Uh, Jared, you did notice that all of them were off, and obviously deliberate, didn’t you? Even the universally borked “proof is in the pudding” is supposed to be “the proof of the pudding is in the eating”.

By: jared

jared — Thu, 24 May 2007 05:53:52 +0000

wait–did someone up there say, “it’s a doggy dog world”?

thanks for that one…

By: Amanda

Amanda — Thu, 24 May 2007 03:43:51 +0000

Can everyone stop pretending to be so smart for a couple minutes and just focus on the fact that these notes are funny, whether they or not they fit your own personal poindexter’s definition of passive-agressiveness?

By: The Doctor

The Doctor — Wed, 23 May 2007 15:23:54 +0000

The folks engaged in the original behaviour are prolly more passive-aggressive than the note-leavers, especially if they express concern/surprise at their victim’s concern/surprise. E.g.:

Housemate A eats/steals/whatevers Housemate B’s stuff
Housemate B protests
Housemate A: *shrugs, raises eyebrows* ‘Chill, dude’ *continues behaviour*
Housemate B leaves polite note
Housemate A posts it to blog

It’s Housemate A that is knowingly engaging in passive-aggressive behaviour, and then acting all surprised and innocent when this behaviour is pointed out, and indeed A projects their own behaviour on to B as a defence.

By: dave

dave — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:48:59 +0000

@bitchphd: i disagree that leaving notes is inherently PA because a note may be politely written, signed (instead of anonymous), and address the issue directly. that would not be passive aggressive. from wikipedia:

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible. It is a defensive posture and, more often than not, only partly conscious. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so long to get ready for a party they do not wish to attend, that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.

By: dave

dave — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:44:47 +0000

i gotta agree with the others that you’re seriously misusing the term “passive-aggressive”. snippy notes: yes. rude notes: yes. passive aggressive notes: not so much.

it’s a doggy dog world. i could care less, really. i hope i’m not being too hand fisted, here. i think that the proof is in the pudding.

By: Lotta

Lotta — Wed, 23 May 2007 01:45:10 +0000

Fking brilliant site. I’ll be back!

By: raging clue

raging clue — Wed, 23 May 2007 00:22:12 +0000

Being passive-aggressive means that you’re being aggressive by *being passive* i.e. by *not* doing something which you would or should normally do. For example, you’re pissed at your roommate, so you stop taking out the trash, or you fail to tell them that they’ve got dog poop on their jeans, or that their girlfriend found out that they’re cheating on her. As soon as you actually complain about the thing that is pissing you off, you’re no longer in passive aggressive territory — you’re just being aggressive in a very wimpy, non-confrontational way.

By: bitchphd

bitchphd — Tue, 22 May 2007 23:19:15 +0000

God, cranksters. PA is *not* poisoning a roommate. PA is being mad at someone but being “nice” so that they’re (hopefully) emotionally manipulated into doing what you want *and* not able to be mad at you. It’s not asking directly. Leaving notes, especially for roommates or neighbors to whom you could easily speak in person, is inherently PA.

So there.

By: raging clue

raging clue — Tue, 22 May 2007 16:49:30 +0000

Are you saying that it’s worse to leave notes asking someone to not be an asshole, than to actually *be* an asshole?