The Mad Bomber, Act 3: We are watching you

May 25th, 2007 · 55 comments

If you missed them, catch  up with Act 1 and Act 2 of the Mad Bomber saga. Here, the  (somewhat anti-climactic) conclusion:

Through some help of our members and some tracking we now know who has been making the messes in the women's toilets. We know who you are! We are watching you and will catch you in the act. When this happens you will be prosecuted for destruction of property, attempting to harm our business and the cost we have gone through to clean up after you. Its [sic] time to bring this to an end!!!

It appears that season one of this series concludes with a dramatic cliffhanger ending. Will the Mad Bomber be caught in the act? Will Richard G. Sells post another notice outing the bomber for public humiliation and condemnation? We can only hope.

FILED UNDER: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gym · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · toilet

55 responses so far ↓

  • #1   anonymouscoworker

    I desperately hope to see more from Richard G. Sells.

    May 25, 2007 at 9:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Aussie

      I DO NOT wish to see further posts from Dick Sells. Hmmmn, what a name to have, ey!

      Nov 6, 2008 at 6:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   FlameAdder

      Why not?

      Oh, I get it! YOU’RE the Mad Bomber! Mystery solved! Too bad it’s been two years. Who knows what other innocent public facilities you’ve terrorized since then.

      Jun 17, 2009 at 5:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Just Sayin'

    I have a feeling that the perpetrator of the vile defacing of the ladies bathroom will not be able to quit. I predict that we will see further posts for Richard G. Sells.

    May 25, 2007 at 10:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   joebec

    it’s too bad that people just can’t crap IN the toilet anymore, they have to crap ON or AROUND it. that is just f-ing NASS-T!!!

    May 25, 2007 at 11:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   alec

    I want to catch the Mad Bomber… on my chest… blech.

    May 25, 2007 at 11:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Dog Lover

      I totally agree. ONce, at the Jersey Shore, I went to the ladies room to pee. The only available t.p. was a roll resting on the back of the toilet. I reached back to grab it, putting wo fingers inside the roll…. only to feel…. then smell….. then see…. SOMEONE HAD PUT DOOKIE I.N.S.I.D.E. the tp roll!!!!!!!!! Now how’s THAT for passive-aggressive? GROSS!
      Fucking fucked up fuck head.

      I have PTSD from that shit.

      Aug 10, 2008 at 8:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   D

      Did you “totally agree” with, “I want to catch the Mad Bomber… on my chest…”?

      I guess it’s like they say. Different shits for different folks…

      Sep 26, 2008 at 3:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   mothmanbr

    I sure hope they don’t cancel the series.

    May 25, 2007 at 11:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Anhoni

    Yes, but what tracking methods did they use?
    I can’t tell you how much I’d like Richard to out the perp.

    May 25, 2007 at 12:19 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

  • #7   mothmanbr

    Anhoni now that I think of it, I have a feeling Richard G. Sells will die moments before revealing who the perp is, giving us another season just like season 1, but with a different main character.

    May 25, 2007 at 4:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Duh

    I think Richard is full of it. He doesn’t have any idea who’s doing the pooping. He’s just trying to scare them into stopping.

    I saw this on Law and Order I think…

    May 25, 2007 at 5:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Sandy

    Can he really bring lawsuit against the person? Really?

    May 25, 2007 at 7:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Anhoni

    mothmanbr – *laughing* you are so right. it’s like you have the evil mind of a television network executive.

    May 25, 2007 at 8:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Lunch Lady Doris

    You know, they’d have a much better chance of catching the poop perp if they would just hang out and wait, preferably with a camera, and not let the person know she has been caught. How do we even know this mysterious perp isn’t Richard G. Sells himself?

    May 25, 2007 at 10:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Kate

    I agree with Duh.. it’s just a tactic… But I hope it works.

    May 26, 2007 at 2:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Austin

    Clearly there’s a sickness involved in this. I mean dang nobody craps that much and all over the place if they don’t have some REAL serious intestinal issues. But why go to the gym to relieve herself? Would YOU want to relieve that kinda crap at your house? If I had angry (irritable) bowel syndrome coupled with a seizure disorder I’d go somewhere else to use the restroom too. I mean think of it, would you want to have a seizure AND take a crap at the same time? Now her behavior seems understandable doesn’t it? Irritable Bowel Syndrome and a Seizure Disorder explains this all away.

    Catching it on film though….I don’t know if I’d want to be the cop who views that tape. I suppose if they want to catch the perp there’s plenty of DNA left behind.


    May 26, 2007 at 2:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Art

    But really, you have to ask — where’s the expense in all of this? Would they not have a cleaning crew, were it not for the Crapinator? Would they not have a need to clean the restroom?

    This is better than LOST.

    May 26, 2007 at 4:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   videodoll

    haha. they will never catch the mad bomber. I hope they don’t anyway, this guy is hysterical.

    i always imagined most people try to crap at their home and avoid it at the gym but apparently that is not the case.

    May 27, 2007 at 1:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   whodunnit

    the bathroom key sign-out sheet referenced in a prior note would make it pretty easy to figure out who the mad bomber is. but perhaps she used an alias!

    May 29, 2007 at 11:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   DangerousNerd

    “Bring this to an end”? Hilarious. In a completely sophomoric way.

    May 30, 2007 at 3:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   the mad bomber, act 2: please stay seated during the entire performance

    [...] act 3 coming soon… [...]

    Jun 8, 2007 at 8:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   [email protected]

    I think Lunch Lady Doris is onto something -
    > “How do we even know this mysterious perp isn’t Richard G. Sells himself?

    I can just picture Richard – a tall, skinny man with a pencil line mustache, pants around his hairy ankles, laughing maniacally while he smears his excrement around the ladies’ room, secure in the knowledge that he’s the last one they’ll ever suspect…

    Jul 4, 2007 at 10:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Dan "the man" Clementine

    When i was diagnosed w/Crohn’s Disease (makes IBD/IBS look like a picnic) i was worried about my control. in 5 years, i have had one(1) accident, and (thankfully) had emergency pants & underwear with me. i have never missed the bowl, regardless of the crushing pressure buildup/need to release.
    diseases aside, there is no good reason for missing. none. nada. finito. the end.
    BTW, wipe the seat w/ a little TP, use a butt gasket, lay TP on the seat, etc. The barrier may only be a few microns thick, but to microbes it may as well be miles. you are more likley to catch something at a buffet than you are off the toilet.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 1:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Kate

    There was a similar note in the ladies’ at a nearby Borders, politely warning the individual who vomited all over the loo every Sunday morning to cease and desist.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 6:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Tom

    For those who are worried about catching something from the toilet seat, studies have shown that the toilet seat actually has less bacteria than the doorknob going out of the bathroom. Yes, that means that your fellow denizens are wiping and then not washing their hands. Disgusting.

    Aug 2, 2007 at 8:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Steph

    I love how they’re tracking this person. It seems they’re narrowing it down. I look forward to the surveillance report!

    Aug 5, 2007 at 1:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Joanne

    Enough with the cliffhanger! I need to know if justice was served. Tell me the Mad Bomber was appropriately punished!

    Aug 8, 2007 at 1:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Dude

    I gotta know now!

    Aug 10, 2007 at 1:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Jeff

    The last note served its purpose – the bomber was scared away. We will not read about the apprehension of this character because RGS didnt have any inside clue on who-dun-it. He played a bluff and won. If they knew they wouldnt have waited for another instance.

    Sep 10, 2007 at 4:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   T-Bone

    This series of notes made my day. Fabulous! The comments have been superb as well.

    Duh– I agree with you. RGS has no earthly idea who the Mad Bomber is. Lunch Lady– “Poop Perp”; excellent!

    We had a mad bomber at our law office. It was just awful. No smearage, just a tidy pile in the corner.

    *Cue “Jaws” theme*

    T-Bone creeps down the hall to the ladies’ room, hoping the Poop Perp has not struck again. She reaches the doorway and gingerly opens the door, stepping silently into the bathroom. T-Bone is alone. The stall door ahead is cracked open, not yet revealing the secrets of what lay therein. T-Bone pushes lightly on the stall door and it swings open.

    Inside lay a fresh pile o’ poo.

    Epilogue: we never did find our Mad Bomber.

    Sep 21, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   claw71 bang

    I’m not surprised you had that problem at your law office, T-Bone, seeing how lawyers are so full of shit it’s coming out of their ears.

    Sep 21, 2007 at 9:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   T-Bone

    claw, that’s God’s honest truth.

    I could never understand why a person would do such a thing. Sexual gratification? Control? Power? So pathetic.

    Sep 21, 2007 at 9:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   claw71

    That sort of behavior is passive aggressive. It’s not about control or sexual gratification but power, or lack thereof.

    Somebody crapping up a stall might have issues with making contact with the fixtures. You see it more often in the women’s room because they have to sit (or squat) for both of the typical bathroom functions. I have personally talked to people who claim to “hover” when they use the facilities. Of course I ask about the potential mess but all of the hover-people claim they don’t leave one. BULL!

    Somebody who goes so far as to crap in a corner is not afraid of contact with public toilets, they are acting out. The person doing it is probably the nicest, most amiable person in the whole office. They can’t express anger or frustration in a constructive manner so they express themselves secretly. They are also ticking time bombs who might go postal. If I’m working in an office where somebody starts “Mad Bombing” I’m turning in my notice.

    BTW, I’m not a qualified professional but I’ve read a few articles on this behavior. I worked in an office where we had a booger monkey who left smears of snot everywhere. Sure enough it was the sweet older woman who always brought in goodies. Makes you wonder what was in those snickerdoodles.

    Sep 21, 2007 at 10:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Jais

      So basically….. the crap is a PAN in and of itself!

      Jun 19, 2008 at 11:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   Cathy

      **BOOGER MONKEY!!!!** I love it!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   Coke-aholic bang

    #21, What the hell is a butt gasket? What kind of people carry one around with them wherever they go?

    Nov 16, 2007 at 12:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Tiffany

    It’s one of those little paper rings you put on the seat before you sit down. I think.

    Nov 22, 2007 at 9:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   girl without cup

    I wonder if the mad bomber just learned to bring her own cup.

    Dec 20, 2007 at 11:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   web diversions bang

    This reminds me of David Sedaris’ “Adventures at Poo Corner” from This American Life. You can listen to it (for free!) here:

    Apr 7, 2008 at 3:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   Andy Oakely

    Most likely he doesn’t know who has been doing it and this latest note is just a psychological ploy to make the guilty think he knows.

    May 15, 2008 at 2:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   Crash bang

    I don’t know why people post on old threads… :D
    this post is almost a year old !!

    May 15, 2008 at 2:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Andy Oakely

      Because some of us just found this site.

      Apparently some people still look up recent comments posted to year old messages and feel compelled to post useless replies as well.

      May 15, 2008 at 3:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #36.2   Crash bang

      Or we can just see them in the
      “stirring up trouble” section.
      Don’t take it so personally, it had nothing to do with you man… 8)
      Well… not really anyway,
      Maybe you’ll figure it out later…

      May 15, 2008 at 3:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   goose


    I’m going to start a new webpage… ;)

    May 15, 2008 at 7:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   Jamesie

    OUT THE BOMBER! I must know who it is! I want a pic of the perpetrator!

    And you’re reading this OLD post so what’s wrong with posting on old threads?

    May 20, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   TMD

    I guess I shouldn’t come here if I want to try to curb my addiction to other people’s drama, huh?

    Jul 16, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   jellyswami

    This reminds me of an absolutely surreal day at work when I was a high school student working at the town library. I walk in one afternoon to an uproar, and I ask the terrifying head librarian, an absolutely central-casting lady in polyester pantsuit, hair in an elaborate bouffant, and cat-eye glasses, what’s up. She explained that there had been someone spreading feces everywhere – and THEN – she breaks into a little song! “Feces on the wall, feces on the floor, feces on the door, feces on the floor…” It was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. Thanks for bringing back the memory.

    Aug 29, 2008 at 4:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Andrea

      oh MY GOD I am CRYING right now. That is the funniest thing i have read in ages! LMFAO I cant breathe!

      Oct 22, 2008 at 12:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   Captain America


    haha, I am from Lawrence, Kansas where this athletic club is, and I used to have a membership. Hahaha. This is fan-freakin-tastic.

    Sep 12, 2008 at 3:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   Captain America

    p.s. I’m posting on this year+ old thread because I am new to PAN and I am going back and reading through all the archives. :)

    Sep 12, 2008 at 3:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   Chris Metcalf

    When I was in elementary school there was an individual who became known as the “Brown Bandit” who would poop in the water fountains at night.

    I guess she grew up.

    Sep 24, 2008 at 10:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   Glen

    So funny! Can i post the entries on my blog?

    Oct 26, 2008 at 7:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #45   km

    I just came across these notes…I go to this gym, and I have seen a more recent note (2008) in the mad-bomber series!! I didn’t get a photo of the sign, but apparently the Bomber has changed their M.O.: the sign said something to the effect of:

    Whoever has been defecating in the women’s showers would you please use the toilets. You are creating extra work for Estella that is unnecessary.

    Oh man, I was so cracked up to see these other notes here! I SO wish I had gotten a snapshot of the sign I saw!

    Mar 3, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #46   mikk

    When I read this, I laughed and almost threw up at the same time. I feel SO sorry for Estella!

    Apr 20, 2009 at 2:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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