Comments on: You left evidence.

By: Eleanor

Eleanor — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:52:50 +0000

Hahahaha….that’s genius…I might actually try that.

By: TinyTurtle

TinyTurtle — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 07:54:42 +0000

This is one of the best notes I have read! It is perfection! Just a hint of sinister wrapped in super sweetness!

Cereal theft issues can be solved by buying a box of All Bran, dumping out contents and placing bag of scrumptious cereal inside box.

By: Jennie

Jennie — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 07:46:56 +0000

All of this over some frickin’ butter? Jeez! I mean, it’d be different if it was Outback bread…

By: Nick

Nick — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:53:56 +0000

Real clever, dumbass. Of course, any lawyer with a pulse would simply point out that since the food put out with the ‘not for human consumption sign’ on it has been eaten the day before, you could reasonably have expected it would happen again, which would completely negate your obvious bullshit claim that you really didn’t mean for anybody in the office to eat them.

By: Joey's Stinky Foot

Joey's Stinky Foot — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:33:54 +0000

Sometimes certain people take everything and leave nothing. What do you do, then? Shut up, be a doormat, and let it keep happening? Maybe if everyone understood and practiced the idea of give and take, it would never happen. Unfortunately, we don’t live in that kind of world. You need to look out for #1 so nobody has the nerve to take a #2 right on your head.

By: Captain Petrolards

Captain Petrolards — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 14:48:36 +0000

I am ok with sharing which is differentiated from stealing by way of consent. Allow me to distill the calculus for you:

When someone asks before taking = Sharing
When someone takes with no asking = Stealing

If A=B and C= cheeseburger, then it would appear that I am “ok” with sharing but not stealing.

For the record, I do donate to charity but due to crap income (see above) not in large enough amounts to even exceed the standard deduction.

By: Freud

Freud — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 14:34:52 +0000

Very Interesting – you repeatedly insist that you are “OK with sharing” and yet, you feel that someone who privately takes the very item that you wish to share is rude.

I diagnose a full-blown case of “I-don’t-donate-unless-I-get-a-tax-deduction-itis”

By: Captain Petrolards

Captain Petrolards — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 13:37:18 +0000

Hello P-A Notes Readers! Whilst casually reading this blog, lo — I have stumbled upon a note that I wrote with my very own hand.

Here is the oh-so pertinent backstory:
Many mornings I enjoy a delicious bowl of Quaker Instant Grits (the level of their deliciousness is a subject of another post) and living up North as I do, we only have plain Quaker Instant Grits in the grocery. Therefore, it is incumbent on me, the lowly grits enjoyer, to add my own chemicalified butter-like product.

On a grits morning (sometimes called “Wednesday,” or on a rare occasion, “Tuesday”) I spoon out a heaping portion of petrolard and swirl it about the plain bowl of grits. As the petrolard melts off the spoon it imparts its neon yellow color as well as its artificial je ne ce quois.

On the particular morning that I wrote the note, I found knife tracks in the baby vat o’ chemical goodness. Of course I immediately phoned David Caruso to have the matter thoroughly inspected and he confirmed the marks were indicative of a plastic knife swipe and not congruent with a spoon swoop. Having thus confirmed the thievery beyond the shadow of a CSI doubt, I left a note.

I paid for the damn petrolard and as the original photographer knows, we are paid far too poorly to be giving away petrolards to the masses. One day Kiki, the next day, everyone else!!! (Note intentional crazy exclamation points inserted for extra psychotic goodness).

Kiki, rest assured, if you ever need petrolards, I will share.

Also, yes, the cleaning people spit in drink bottles but only because I ask them to.

Also, I’m not sure but Cartboy could very well be underage. Tread carefully, if you can get a word in between him and his iPod.

By: how not to housetrain a roommate

how not to housetrain a roommate — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 04:18:36 +0000

[...] smileys can be terrifying. [...]

By: poyupop

poyupop — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 02:23:00 +0000

You know I have this same problem with my room mate. If it isn’t ketchup or mayo (to me isn’t a big deal) he will actually take the food right off my plate. The other night I was eating, and he came in to gab. He then started eating the chicken right off my plate. I asked him WTF… and he said… oh don’t worry I will make you some more. So now I guard my food like I’m a prison inmate.

By: Mallory

Mallory — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 22:17:28 +0000

Has anyone realized that sometimes the only way you can communicate with your room-mate is by leaving a note. All my room-mates keep very different schedules and I am not going to wait around the house just to talk to them. I will however willingly take pictures of my notes and post them, if you would like.

By: Good Soul

Good Soul — Thu, 31 May 2007 13:57:07 +0000

In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bough some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.
Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again.
Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.

By: metaljaybird

metaljaybird — Tue, 29 May 2007 18:27:00 +0000

What did she eat? The handwriting isn’t clear.

By: joebec

joebec — Tue, 29 May 2007 16:43:59 +0000

love this blog!

i wonder what kind of “evidence” one could leave behind… crumbs, a dirty spoon? what?