45 responses so far ↓

• #1   Anhoni

  You’re right. Jesus doesn’t steal Pop Tarts (…or hot wings or pizzarolls) he makes them appear out of thin air. If you could make wine out of water (or is it the other way around?) why would you need to steal anything? I bet Jesus wouldn’t leave passive aggressive notes either.

  Jun 4, 2007 at 12:34 am   rating: +9  
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  • #1.1   jenny

    exactly. he wouldn’t leave a note. He’d smite your freakin ass for stealing….or maybe get his dad to smite your ass. Either way, no notes would be involved.

    Mar 18, 2008 at 9:24 pm   rating: +4  
     
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• #2   mothmanbr

  That last one is so creepy!

  Jun 4, 2007 at 1:41 am   rating: +7  
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• #3   ObstreperousB

  Wasn’t Jesus all about feeding the hungry?

  Plus, I think the reason Jesus didn’t steal the aforementioned food items is much the same reason Jesus didn’t wear polyester or have an email account.

  And finally, if the classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus, does that mean that it has communion wine splashed all over it? What have those kids been getting up to?

  Jun 4, 2007 at 1:42 am   rating: +10  
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  • #3.1   Brad

    QUOTE: “And finally, if the classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus, does that mean that it has communion wine splashed all over it?”

    Nah, it’s a belief of spiritual protection used by Pentecostal-types. Basically the Christian equivalent of a protection spell (sorry folks, but it is), but in this case they invoke the blood of Jesus, thus putting under the guise of being a prayer and not magic. But it functions in the exact same way.

    (Hope that in itself didn’t come off passive-aggressive.)

    Actual blood or wine strewn all over the place would be heaps cooler.

    Jun 30, 2009 at 4:25 am   rating: +4  
     
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• #4   letters

  What would Jesus steal?

  Jun 4, 2007 at 4:43 am   rating: +2  
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• #5   Daniel O'Brien

  Judas’ last poptart

  Jun 4, 2007 at 7:24 am   rating: +14  
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• #6   Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Sitting Here Listening to This Recording

  [...] wouldn’t steal Pop Tarts. This site’s sister site is boatloads of healthy good-for-you fun, too. (Passive-Aggressive [...]

  Jun 4, 2007 at 10:04 am   rating: 0  
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• #7   oldskychaos

  They actually took the time to change pens from black to red to write the word blood and underline it.

  Jun 4, 2007 at 10:51 am   rating: +5  
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• #8   Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Sitting Here Listening to This Recording

  [...] wouldn’t steal Pop Tarts. This site’s sister site is boatloads of healthy good-for-you fun, [...]

  Jun 4, 2007 at 11:16 am   rating: 0  
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• #9   Meredith

  The last note is already creepy, but the exclamation point with the heart makes it even creepier.

  Jun 4, 2007 at 6:03 pm   rating: +5  
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  • #9.1   Melissa

    And also that it appears to be safety-pinned to a bedsheet from the 1920s…

    Sep 11, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 0  
     
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• #10   Naughty Heather

  These people are seriously hardcore about hot wings and pizza rolls and poptarts (and presumably, crayons and scrap paper?). I was pretty sure with the war and drought and famine and AIDS and all that Jesus simply does not have time to be drug into this madness!

  Jun 5, 2007 at 5:13 am   rating: +2  
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• #11   luckyblog

  I love notes that end “you know who you are.”
  Its deliciously redundant. Except in an amnesia clinic.

  Poptart was delicious too,
  ta
  Jesus

  Jun 5, 2007 at 7:47 am   rating: +8  
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• #12   Map of the Problematique » Obscurorant 2.0

  [...] think this one is my favorite so far.   « Kitchen | [...]

  Jun 5, 2007 at 2:29 pm   rating: 0  
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• #13   joebec

  it’s not sanitary to be teaching in a bloody classroom,even if it IS J.C’s blood… time to send a note home to the parents.

  also, Jesus didn’t have poptarts, but if He would have, ooooohhhh the temptation!

  Jun 5, 2007 at 5:10 pm   rating: +5  
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• #14   Top Posts « WordPress.com

  [...] there you go, bringing Him into it again [image][image] [image] [...]

  Jun 5, 2007 at 7:00 pm   rating: 0  
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• #15   knerd

  All these note-writers will have to make an uncomfortable paradigm shift when some shepherd boy in Iran finds some parchement scrolls in a buried jar which reveal a hidden gospel which states that Jesus did eat poptarts but they were given to him freely along the dusty roads of Palestine and the hot wings could have been stolen and destroyed by him if they weren’t prepared kosher. And pizza? Scholars are still arguing about that.

  Jun 5, 2007 at 7:38 pm   rating: +3  
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• #16   Dave

  Man I luv the comments as much as the notes..Joebec..lol.

  This classroom is covered by the blood….instant classic!!

  Jun 5, 2007 at 7:39 pm   rating: +1  
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• #17   Tom

  hmmmmm…..Jesus doesn’t clean his room or do laundry. Niether should I?

  Jun 10, 2007 at 12:38 pm   rating: +3  
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• #18   April

  Ok that’s pretty friggin awesome.

  Jun 14, 2007 at 7:01 pm   rating: 0  
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• #19   passive-aggressive challenge #2: don't take my beer

  [...] fact, screw repentance — we’re out for [...]

  Jun 25, 2007 at 7:33 pm   rating: 0  
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• #20   Finn

  That room is covered in the blood of Jesus? Eewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! HazMat!!!!

  Jul 7, 2007 at 10:45 am   rating: +1  
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• #21   Greta

  I just don’t see any awareness in those notes that people might be stealing food because they’re hungry, employed or not…all ya need to do is check out the Sermon on the Mount to get the Jesus lowdown on that!

  Jul 11, 2007 at 4:27 pm   rating: +1  
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• #22   encyclopedia brown and the case of the processed-food fiend | passiveaggressivenotes.com

  [...] thief might be depending on the fridge’s contents as a source of food, but mercy? don’t count on it. stumble it! [...]

  Sep 10, 2007 at 8:01 am   rating: 0  
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• #23   will

  Jesus got nailed to a cross but i wont.

  Sep 10, 2007 at 2:50 pm   rating: +1  
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• #24   Misheeâ„¢

  WWJD… he would take the damn pop tarts (and pizzarolls and hot wings) because he is the Son of God, that’s why, dammit!!

  As for the classroom covered in his blood… well, he probably got a pretty nasty papercut from writing all of those P/A notes!! (but I agree with above #9, it’s a bit creepy!)

  Oh, P.S. Those poptarts were fucking delicious, and hot wings are life….

  Sep 10, 2007 at 2:56 pm   rating: +1  
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• #25   but He took the wheel

  [...] stealing hot pockets is apparently not the only thing that jesus wouldn’t do. [...]

  Sep 27, 2007 at 2:23 am   rating: 0  
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• #26   Diane

  Obviously Jesus DOES steal food… where do you think he “miraculously” got all the loaves and fishes, anyway?

  Sep 27, 2007 at 1:16 pm   rating: +1  
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• #27   me

  hey if you were poor and starving i bet jesus wouldnt care you stole the poptart

  Dec 11, 2007 at 2:27 pm   rating: +1  
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• #28   For those of us who are Passive Agressive and we know it… « amanda

  [...] http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/04/there-you-go-bringing-him-into-it-again/ [...]

  Dec 17, 2007 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  
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• #29   sprucemoose

  “Plus, I think the reason Jesus didn’t steal the aforementioned food items is much the same reason Jesus didn’t wear polyester or have an email account.”
  Perhaps not, but according to some of my older parishioners, he did use the King James Bible.
  In all fairness, I was told this back in the 70’s when new translations were popping up everywhere.

  Mar 3, 2008 at 12:33 pm   rating: +1  
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• #30   He uses vaseline

  [...] there you go, bringing Him into it again digg_skin = ‘compact’;    reddit!   stumble it!   function [...]

  Mar 4, 2008 at 11:56 pm   rating: 0  
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• #31   no, He uses vaseline

  [...] there you go, bringing Him into it again digg_skin = ‘compact’;    reddit!   stumble it!   function [...]

  Mar 5, 2008 at 12:10 am   rating: +1  
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• #32   Uncast

  In response to the last note:

  1. You allow children to enter a room that is covered by blood?
  2. Are you sure that’s the blood of JC and not the previous daycare provider?

  May 11, 2008 at 12:10 am   rating: +1  
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• #33   jesus who?

  your teaching in a room full of blood?! come on guys thats how aids gets around and you know jesus has enough of that shit to take care of. as for the poptarts who in thier right mind wouldn’t steal them their fucking delicious!

  Jun 15, 2008 at 12:58 pm   rating: +1  
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  • #33.1   Canthz_B

    “your” vs. “you’re”…what would Jesus choose?

    Who in their right mind writes “thier”?

    Jun 15, 2008 at 2:55 pm   rating: +2  
     

  • #33.2   sprucemoose

    Are we talking about Jesus Alvarez, who lives next door to me? His English isn’t the greatest, so he might choose the wrong one.

    Jun 15, 2008 at 6:52 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #34   Canthz_B

  Is “blood” a hyperlink in note three?

  Jun 15, 2008 at 11:32 pm   rating: +3  
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• #35   Canthz_B

  I’ll bet that Jesus would have stolen hot wings and pizza rolls if they existed 2000 years ago.
  Loaves and fishes are easy in comparison!

  Jun 15, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: +1  
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• #36   Miss Unloop

  No, Jesus doesn’t steal pizza rolls and Pop Tarts – he just pops down to the local Publix and buys His own. I know – I’ve seen Him.

  Jul 15, 2008 at 12:18 am   rating: +1  
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• #37   deeksdigs

  I think the little heart gives the last note a real “tough love” vibe. Nice touch.

  Nov 1, 2008 at 2:05 am   rating: +1  
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• #38   Michelle

  *sigh* this is from my college… community kitchens never really seemed like a good idea to me.

  Jul 6, 2009 at 2:53 pm   rating: 0  
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• #39   dmap

  poptarts, pizza rolls, and hot wings are probably food of the devil. they’re all seriously bad for you. jesus wouldn’t eat that garbage anyway.

  Sep 11, 2009 at 4:29 am   rating: 0  
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• #40   Dom

  the poster is right – that stuff isn’t kosher and Jesus couldn’t eat it anyway.

  Oct 11, 2009 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  
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