This room is protected by the Constitution

June 7th, 2007 · 75 comments

This isn’t just a note — it’s a work of art. And it’s about 100 shades of amazing.

I’ll let Rich explain: “I had a party at my house once in college, and one of our roommates who was going to be gone was really scared that someone was going to sleep in his bed. so, instead of, you know, telling us not to use his room, he decided to post this hilarious note that only an aspiring personal injury lawyer could produce.”

This room is protected by the Constitution

I don't care if you just want a place to sleep STAY OUT. This is room is protected as later defined from trespassing. There is privileged information contain within.

Being in this room may be a violation of some or all of the following

Penalties Defined - per Iowa code + Federal law

related: CARE — it makes a difference

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · college life · excessive underlining · Iowa · more like crazy · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · roommates · TL;DR · touching


75 responses so far ↓

  • #1   shannon

    thats crazy…you may want to black out his phone # though…wouldn’t want to get sued ;)

    Jun 7, 2007 at 1:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Leslie

    This is by far my favorite note you’ve shared. Bravo.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 1:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   paddybrown

    Good lord.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 2:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   melodymcfarland

    That is just awesome. Definitely the best note yet. I love smart asses.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 3:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Chris

    Can you say first year law student?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 6:17 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Henrik

    This dude is scary! I bet he has all the attributes of a disgruntled postal worker…

    Jun 7, 2007 at 6:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Ross

    Anyone who has worked in any kind of government job with security clearances knows that it is YOUR responsibility to protect classified information. YOU can be held responsible if you don’t keep it locked up in a classified safe, and are never supposed to let it out of your possession otherwise. So leaving a note on a door to a bedroom when you’re away for a weekend saying “There’s classified information in here, don’t read it or you could be arrested or sued or worse!” is just laughable.

    The Law Offices of Verle W. Norris might be interested in knowing that one of their 1st year law students could be sued for negligence with respect to taking proper precautions with “classified” documents.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 6:51 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Alina

    what a schmuck! Why doesn’t he just lock his room?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 7:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Kate

    Well, after reading that, I would definitely have to go in there.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 7:43 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Ed Lee

    why would anyone take a dyslexic three year old’s scrawlings seriously?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:13 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   the cox

    Man, how much extra time did he take writing that note vs. just putting a lock on the damn door?

    I bet he labels his groceries in the fridge the same way! “This Hot Pocket is protected by Federal Interstate Trade laws…”

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:20 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   DWQ Online

    He obviously thinks he is more than he really is.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   TED

    Sadly, none of the various sites associated with the law offices of Verle W. Norris offers anything even remotely entertaining. Attorney Norris appears to work mostly in administrative law, however, so pursuing trespassers may not be his specialty. But I guess that when you’re talking about an injustice as egregious as getting drunk and passing out on a stranger’s bed, the entire legal community must stand ready to defend its own.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   alexis

    Sadly, there were about 50 people like this in my law school class. G-d, why didn’t I just get an MBA instead?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   sofia L.S.

    lovley art, hihihi, just love it

    kindly sofia
    http://sofiawinterborn.wordpress.com

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Meredith

    Hooooooly shit. You know, it’s not illegal to be in the same room as those documents. It’s just illegal to read them or to take them into your own possession. Any first-year law student should know that, as should anyone with any vague understanding of the word “classified.” …Meaning, I would definitely have to open the door. Of course, knowing him, he’d probably have set up booby traps or something.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Beth

    Ok..that was just awesome. I better not show this to my son however…like he needs more reason to keep his sisters out of his room.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 9:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   teamcinnamon

    I’d love to know how this turned out.

    Also, I agree with the above. How about a lock?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   hooper_x

    Man, it’d take every ounce of self-control I had not to scrawl YOU ARE A FUCKING TOOL all over that thing in sharpie.

    -hx

    Jun 7, 2007 at 10:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   cranberry

    haha, the area code on the number is the same as mine… he must live in st. louis! this guy is hilarious. i want to meet him, if only to encourage the writing of more notes like the above.

    can you imagine what would ensue if someone stole HIS hot pocket?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 10:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   imp queen world monarch

    @ hooper_x:

    Write out loud, dude. Write out loud.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 11:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   rajjbbot

    wow, it’s like he posted a big ol’ sign on his door saying “I AM A TOOL PLEASE SHIT ON MY BED (PS I MAY BE MENTALLY ILL — LOOK AT MY CRAZY HANDWRITING).

    Jun 7, 2007 at 11:17 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Brent

    Amazing. He must be an attorney.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 11:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   greenmetropolis

    For someone so apparently educated, I hope he was later informed that ‘disrespect’ is not a verb.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   ocd

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/disrespect
    Actually, yes, “disrespect” can be used as a verb.

    My question, however, is this: Why the hell didn’t he just type it out?!

    Jun 7, 2007 at 12:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Gavin

    Nice! I work in a hospital so we have notes like this up everywhere, most of them just as funny. I’ll try and get my camera working so I can submit them.

    Let’s just hope that this law student had a good relaxing vacation… sounds like he needed it.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 12:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   greenmetropolis

    Mmmm. Good to know, ocd (appropriate acronym, I likey!)
    I was taught it was proper to ‘be disrespectful’ or to ‘show disrespect’. But I will pass the link on to my highschool psych teacher; she was planning on starting a cult surrounding the use of the word ‘disrespect’. Delicious.

    Either way, the topic at hand is that this guy is a moron and quite possibly nuts. Did anyone care what was in his room before he posted the note?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 12:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   angles_galore

    What a pretentious ass. I wouldn’t go in his room, but I would slide pictures under his door of the party-goers doing various disgusting things with his toothbrush and any of his other personal items left behind.

    Jun 7, 2007 at 2:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   hopefulgirl

    I wonder if everyone is taking it too seriously? I can see a witty legal student sitting down to write the note while chuckling to himself about the amount of time people are going to spend standing at his door reading it. Maybe it was a clever distraction to keep people from opening the door…

    Jun 7, 2007 at 3:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Dave

    thats the worst adult handwritting i have ever seen

    Jun 7, 2007 at 6:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Jamie

    So, I am curious, if I may ask, Did anyone go in his room during the party and if so, did he find out and sue everyone?

    Jun 7, 2007 at 8:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Nunya

    What a doofus, and leaving a note written entirely in chicken scratch is disrespectful. lol. And his two-page rant is worthless unless there is a lock on the door.

    Jun 8, 2007 at 4:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Anne

    I was just thinking, what horrible handwriting!! This is barely legible. How embarassing!

    Jun 8, 2007 at 11:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Erika

    Oh my. Why has nobody defended this boy’s most basic personal boundaries, so that he’s grown up stark crazy enough to have felt, thought and behaved in this way? The forum responses to this individual’s behavior are even more shameful than the behavior they seek to judge.

    Just another case in point that the entire human species is already long extinct.

    Well, I’m done trying to amuse myself on this website – there is nobody here that I’d care to know.

    Jun 8, 2007 at 11:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Brigitte

      Erika, You’re a tool.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 4:52 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   don't

      I would LOVE to see how Erika responds to the sickos commenting at pysih.com (People You’ll See in Hell).

      Dec 15, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Anne

    Hi Erika,

    I hate to be the bad guy, but if you could maybe get over your superiority complex, that would be great! I hope that wasn’t too mean. THANKS!!

    Jun 8, 2007 at 6:04 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Mike

    My god I can’t even read it. My niece has better penmanship and she’s in kindergarten….

    Jun 8, 2007 at 7:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Dan

    Well Erika…

    If you do come back, please afford me the opportunity to introduce you to “Big Ed”.

    I promise that you will be amused and you will be glad you know him.

    douche bag.

    Jun 9, 2007 at 5:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Tom

    Ya, I’m going to have to agree with Kate post #9 :-D.

    Jun 10, 2007 at 11:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Collaroy

    Now, I don’t usually resort to blasphemy (okay, I do, but anyway), but can I just say— JESUS! How sick IS this guy? It’s effective though- I’d be way to scared to enter a room inhabited by such a lunatic let alone sleep in it. Besides, chances are people fell asleep trying to read this note til the end instead of falling asleep in his bed. Wait, maybe that guy is a genius and that was exactly what he wanted to happen??

    Jun 11, 2007 at 6:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Dean

    He obviously is hiding porn or something he is panicing about being found lol. taaard

    Jun 11, 2007 at 7:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Funny Shit

    This is just beyond awesome. Handwriting like a crazy man.

    Jun 11, 2007 at 7:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   letter from a narcotic

    [...] ranks right up there with the notice from an aspiring personal-injury lawyer as one of my favorite roommate notes of all [...]

    Jun 12, 2007 at 4:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Zack

    Yeah, when your handwriting looks like a kid with downs wrote it and you have proximate contact with a computer, just go ahead a fuckin use it. It’ll save some embarrassment and actually add a little bit of an aura that you know what you’re talking about (especially when you don’t).

    Jun 14, 2007 at 9:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Ken

    As a lawyer, myself, I am just now clearing away the tears. Maybe if you put something like this under stop signs people wouldn’t run them.

    Jun 14, 2007 at 3:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Dot

    It’s blurred on the thumbnail, but the guy’s phone number is still visible on the large image of the note…

    Jun 17, 2007 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Mad Mick

    How did you not rally the entire party into dedicating the night to fucking with this guys’ room? Please tell me you did. If he didn’t come home to a 100% completely empty room, I’ll be disappointed.

    Jun 17, 2007 at 5:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Mike Elliott

    This kind of thing would just encourage more mischief from me.

    Jun 25, 2007 at 6:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Alie

    Dude, that’s a local area code. How bad do I want to call this guy now?

    Jun 25, 2007 at 9:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Alie

    Oh, not to freaking mention I believe I went to high school with this dude.

    Jun 25, 2007 at 9:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Steve

    Am I the only person alive who knows that the section symbol is made out of two ‘S’es and not a circle with some weird squiggles attached?

    Jun 30, 2007 at 12:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Tyler

    What I want to know is if anyone actually slept in his bed. I doubt a drunk person would give two shits about that note… it’s not exactly easy to read anyway…

    Jul 2, 2007 at 2:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   RaggDolly121

    Can you say, Paranoid?

    and Dosn’t know how to talk?!

    Jul 3, 2007 at 10:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   :: jozjozjoz ::

    He should just a lock on his door.

    Geez.

    Jul 11, 2007 at 7:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   :: jozjozjoz ::

    He should just PUT a lock on his door.

    Geez.

    Jul 11, 2007 at 7:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   HandsomeDan

    If I had been there, I would have put a lock on is door FOR him. One of those nice latch setups with a nice uncuttable master lock. Then you wear the screw heads that hold the latch out, so that they can’t be unscrewed. This way no one can force their way into his bedroom while it’s locked.

    Oh yeah, don’t forget to write him a nice letter about how you respected his privacy so much that you even installed a lock for it. Stick the letter in a nice envelope, and include a postage stamp, just for effect. Put the key into the envelope, and kindly slide it under his door.

    His information is now protected from all prying eyes.

    Good times.

    Jul 19, 2007 at 12:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Murphy

    HandsomeDan is a Clever Dan.

    Hell, I would gladly pitch in cash for that.

    Jul 19, 2007 at 8:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Elaina

    Where was HandsomeDan when I grew up with the same-type-crazed brother of mine; always trying to keep his pot out of sight?

    Dan, I love your ideas!

    ~E~

    Jul 20, 2007 at 10:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   Anonymous

    i like how he put “may be in violation” at least he left himself a loophole.

    although he could have just slapped on “may be in violation of code xxx xx – punishable with 30-life jail sentence”

    he cant spell for shit which is sad because it would have looked so much more professional if it was typed. esp because his handwriting is shit too.

    Aug 31, 2007 at 11:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   volenti non fit injuria

    [...] is a 3L at a “relatively cheap” state law school in new york city, where he says “there’s a perpetual joke that it’s still a [...]

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   Bob Loblaw

    If I had seen this, Dan might have returned from his trip to find his “privileged” documents soaked in urine.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 12:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   DrAstroZoom

    By the way … the Iowa tort was fucking delicions.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Mishee bang

    …’Cause that’s just how Bob Loblaw operates! (P.S. Bob – your name tickles me as much as Troy’s! I love love love A.D.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 1:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   Mishee bang

    ‘)’ <—- my bad!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 1:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   sprucemoose

    It’s a good thing he isn’t a med student. He’d probably be going through the medical dictionary, being certain he had symptoms of every disease contained therein.

    Mar 3, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   Holly

    I love this guy…what a sence of humor. I think personal injury attorneys…with absolute no offense..hav eno sence of humor. Well i do.

    Mar 12, 2008 at 8:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   Myksha

    I seriously thought this kid WAS a med student.. until he got mentioned the law firm. With that kind of handwriting, he’d make a perfect G.P!

    May 3, 2008 at 7:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   Jo Mama bang

    Wow.

    May 20, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   Callie

    Oh my God.
    How much do I want to go in this guy’s room right now?!
    I think it would have killed me. What the hell was in those files?!

    May 31, 2008 at 4:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   cricket bang

    “p.s. I don’t want to brag, but I’m kind of a big deal.”

    May 31, 2008 at 5:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   Rachel

    omg! I would have borrowed some guys phone, called the number and in my best “drunk girl” ramble …I would have told him I was gonna have a three way in his clearly empty bed. And of course… thanks for letting us know it was gonna be empty.
    you rock and I can tell your smart cuz of that super letter on your door.. call me when you get back in town okay? Dude, stop yelling at me, your making the room go waga waga… no! your just jealous, … etc etc…

    Jul 11, 2008 at 2:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #71   Brigitte

    I just think it’s so terribly sad that this person is already so serious about life, at such a young and tender age. C’mon, dude, your uni/college years are supposed to be about experimentation, fun and fornication – and barely anything more! There’s plenty of other decades to come in your life during which you can get serious.

    Sounds like his room-mates know how to party (hence all the “keep out” signs) – maybe he should mellow out and copy them for a while instead of being such and uptight CUNT.

    My GOD – just imagine how the sad sack’s going to be when he’s 45, bitter, divorced and bored with his blood-sucking law career!

    Jul 30, 2008 at 4:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #72   Hayley

    what a dick. i hope 20 people had an orgy in his room and then proceeded to read his incredibly important documents, and then left everything as they’d found it.

    …apart from the stinky stench of group sex.

    also, i’m pretty sure that a 4 year old can’t be a law student. and if they aren’t a 4 year old, what could they possibly be doing writing like that?

    Aug 1, 2008 at 1:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #73   Tech Guy

    Isn’t a serious misdemeanor to be a douche bag? Just saying.

    Nov 26, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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