The first thing I did when I woke up

June 16th, 2007 · 137 comments

The third paragraph of the first e-mail is the brilliant part…though I’m gonna have to side with Michelle’s roommate on this one.

eating my outback bread

no excuses

Adds Michelle: “that bread was fucking delicious.”

FILED UNDER: bread · CAPS LOCK · Charlottesville · college life · e-mail · food · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · Virginia

137 responses so far ↓

  • #1   E

    “The bread was fucking delicious” – I’d say Michelle is a fucking bitch, and I wouldn’t have her for my roommate.

    Me, I’d spit in her food.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 8:55 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   jackie

      i wouldn’t spit in the food. i’d leave something i know she likes in the fridge to eat. but i would inject it with jabeñero tabasco sauce (its really spicy) that way she’d get a nice treat once she took a bite. i did it to my room mate. she doesn’t eat my food any more.

      Jun 27, 2008 at 3:48 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

  • #2   eh

    team not-michelle

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Meredith

    I’d start eating Michelle’s food. I’d be so fucking pissed off if someone were eating my food. Team Not-Michelle, indeed.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lauren

      I just might pee on Michelle in her sleep.

      Jul 30, 2008 at 11:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Debbie

    I’m with E. That note wasn’t passive aggressive, it was calm and rational and polite.

    Seriously — Michelle’s comment at the end was almost enough to make me wish her a happy bout of salmonella food poisoning.

    Grow up, thoughtless bitch.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   ajn

    Michelle sucks. And this blog posts way too much of this kind of crap, where the “victim” is completely in the wrong.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   pettsson

      well, it’s possible to be passive-aggressiv and wrong in the same time…

      Feb 25, 2008 at 7:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   kiki

    It is one thing to borrow normal wonder bread for some toast in the morning (and then replace it), but to eat someone’s leftovers from a restaurant meal is just rude. I don’t care if it was f-ing delicious. Team-Outback!

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Andrew L.

    Michelle, if you’re reading this, you deserved that email and more. What a bitch.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Katie

    Add me to team “Not Michelle”. What a rude and inconsiderate thing to do. This is yet another reason why I’m glad I never had to live with a roommate.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Katie

    Oh, Michelle, you heartless, bread-filled bitch.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 92  small thumbs up

  • #10   Agargara

    “The apartment is a happy place.”
    Is this wishful thinking?

    As has already been said above, I don’t see anything passive-aggressive about this note. Michelle really needs to not eat people’s food.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 9:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Potbelly

    Touch my food if you’re willing to lose that hand.

    I grew up in a household with a brother who always ate ALL of ANYTHING remotely good or special one placed in the fridge, no matter how short a time it was in there, or how well it was wrapped, labeled and obviously not his. He would eat pies made for school bake sales, cakes made for someone’s birthday party the next day, whatever. I still kind of hate him for it. Oh and he also stole money. He could find it anywhere.

    So yeah, go team not-Michelle.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 10:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   jeneria

    I had a roommate like Michelle in college and I’m guessing she eats everyone else’s food because she a) doesn’t budget money for her own food or b) is too lazy to get her ass to the store.

    My roommate would wait until one of us went out of town for a weekend or a night and then she’d eat to her heart’s content. When we’d come home and notice the food missing, her response was always “But you were gone, you weren’t gonna need it and besides, I was gonna replace it.” But she never did!

    She also bought the most ridiculously expensive food when she did go shopping so her money would get her half the food the rest of us were able to buy.

    What a nightmare.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 10:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Emily

    I’m totally Team NOT michelle. The email wasn’t out of line at all…i could keep going but everyone has already said what i want to. Michelle go grocery shopping!!!

    Jun 16, 2007 at 11:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   i'mwonderful

    hahaha, i hope michelle feels like an asshole for submitting this. she totally thought people were going to laugh at her roomie’s email. hahaha. that’s funny.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 11:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   racergirl

    Why would Michelle do such a fucking bitchy thing?

    Because she’s a fucking bitch, that’s why.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 12:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Miss Lucky Mommy

    OK, I’m not going to reiterate how awful that was of michelle because that’s just obvious.
    But the 3rd paragraph is the best? I must beg to differ. I found the opening, “you’ve crossed the line by eating my bread from my Outback meal” to be stupendously powerful and just down right funny! It was just captivating. Paragraph 3 was 2nd for me.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 12:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Susan Getgood

    On a similar note, when I was in college, I house-shared over a summer with some friends of a friend. It was mostly fine, but one evening toward the end of the summer, I was planning a dinner party for some of my friends and had baked a cheesecake. Went to work in the morning as usual, and when I came home, found that someone had helped themselves to a piece of pristine, uncut cheesecake. Let’s just say that I am not passive aggressive, and let the person have it both barrels.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 1:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   romanlily

    Holy cow, every time I look at this site I’m SO glad that I don’t have roommates.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 1:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   angiedmann

    rule #1 when living with someone: never eat something that’s not yours unless you’ve asked
    rule #2: never open a new package of something if you didn’t buy it
    rule #3: never eat the last of anything if it’s not yours

    Michelle, you’re an idiot, and a rude idiot to boot.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 1:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Irish

    Is she charging her for the butter, too? lol

    Jun 16, 2007 at 2:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Daniel Hoffmann-Gill

    Found you via great site , you is linked, keep the repressed angst coming on strong.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 2:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Jacinda

    As I have had a roomate just like this, I COMPLETELY side with the Anti-Michelle taskforce, lol.
    What bitch submits that, btw? As if people were going to say, “What an asshole! You ate his food that’s not easily replaced without asking and HE got upset? JERK!”.

    It’s one thing to help yourself to a bowl of cereal, it’s QUITE another to eat a purchased single meal.

    This kind of shit makes my blood boil! Inconsiderate people BLOW! I hope you’re reading this Michelle, YOU’RE AN ASSWIPE!

    Jun 16, 2007 at 2:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Kelsey

    And this blog posts way too much of this kind of crap, where the “victim” is completely in the wrong.

    Yup. I don’t care whether the notes meet strict criteria for being truly passive-aggressive or not; in fact, I probably like the deranged just-plain-aggressive ones best of all.

    But there should be some distinction made between sensible complaints like “don’t steal my food” and the touchingly outraged ones like “that shit is disrespectful.”

    Jun 16, 2007 at 3:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   silverneurotic

    From that first email, regardless of whether or not it was out of line…I think the author needs to stop buying $15 cheese and save that money to learn some proper writing techniques.

    That was pure torture to try to read.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 3:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   aliastaken

    Love the post-script.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 4:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   mothmanbr

    Team Not Michelle FTW

    Jun 16, 2007 at 5:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   theobviouschild

    ajn says that “this blog posts way too much of this… where the ‘victim’ is completely in the wrong.”

    While I disagree with that, I do find it interesting that Michele saved these e-mails for half a year and then chose to share them with the world. Instead of being freaking mortified by her behavior, she seems proud of pilfering the aforementioned bread.

    What are you, twelve years old, Michele? Petty theft is no more acceptable when roommates are the victims. Team Not-Michele, indeed.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 5:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   jenny

    oh, true… i didn’t even notice the date on these emails. i wonder how many people she forwarded this to between then and now… so rude.

    yay team not- michelle!

    Jun 16, 2007 at 6:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   Nostalgia

    It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. It’s the delivery that’s key. For example, the phrase “smother it in butter.” This victim hasn’t just lost out on some bread, she’s lost out on a sensual experience. I haven’t noticed magnification of loss like this in any of the other notes; so, this is probably a first. Keep ‘em coming!

    Jun 16, 2007 at 6:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   Jacq

    Some people just don’t care and will eat whatever the hell they want if it’s in front of them. Sad, but true. It sucks to have your heart set on something to enjoy later on, only to have some hog eat it up. (My sister used to do that to me all the time growing up. ;P)

    But it happens. Remember that and don’t expect this heathen to care. No need to get even with her. It’ll come back to her soon enough.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 7:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   S.S.

    Michelle, you are a jerk. A plain inconsiderate, rude theft.

    Roomate Rule #1: If it’s not yours, don’t use it, eat it, or put it on without permission.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 8:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Heather

    A pox on Michelle for eating something that wasn’t hers and for gleefully sending in her naughtiness, but kudos for posting it.

    I hope after ingesting her roomie’s bread that the massive amount of gluten and carbs in said bread passed through Michelle’s digestive system resulting in excessive flatulence and diarrhea.

    Jun 16, 2007 at 11:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   jim

    I seriously doubt it was Michelle who submitted the post.

    I would kick Michelle to the curb on the first offense.

    Attn: all roommate wannabes out there – think twice before getting a roommate. Cough up the extra money to have your own place. It can be done. Not worth the headaches.

    Jun 17, 2007 at 6:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   southern girl

    The bread at Outback is great!


    Jun 17, 2007 at 6:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   Andrew

    Return the food you eat? Yuck.

    I don’t think the note is passive-aggressive though, merely justifiably annoyed.

    Jun 17, 2007 at 9:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   Hopefulgirl

    oh this is wonderful. so funny, thank GOD I no longer have roommates.

    Jun 17, 2007 at 9:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   transplant southern girl

    This website is amazing and whoever said that they’re posting way too much of “this kind of crap” can kiss my ass. I love all of this passive aggressive tomfoolery, no matter how obscenely ridiculous or whiny. If only I had saved the note that finally got my first college roomie to stop watching Roseanne at 5 am so I could sleep!

    Team bread, indeed.

    Jun 17, 2007 at 9:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   aspheric

    I hope michelle dies in a horrible accident within the next two weeks

    Jun 17, 2007 at 1:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   Jim

    Isn’t it interesting that every now and again a note appears on this site that just makes people pissed, and I mean really pissed.. Have we all had a Michelle of one kind or another in our lives at some point? and we’re using this one to vent a little? I for one hope she chokes on the next loaf of Outback bread that she steals… it sounds like she’s had it coming for a while… bitch.

    Jun 17, 2007 at 7:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   Corey

    First off, I would also like to pledge my support to team Not-Michelle. Fuck that fucking bitch!

    But I also can’t resist telling everyone about my horribly bitchy roommate. One day I had nothing left to eat and decided I would take a package of poptarts from my roommate. One silver package that comes 4 or 5 to a box, mind you. The next day when I did my grocery shopping, I bought another whole box of the same kid of poptart and gave it to her. She was LIVID that I had eaten one of her poptarts and promptly complained to one of our mutual friends (who then told me). The friend’s response to her (echoing my sentiments)? “Dude, get the fuck over it! He bought you a whole box of poptarts! You GAINED 3-4 packs! STFU!” Needless to say, I’m moving out, Since that incident I started buying boxes of poptarts and replacing the individual pack before she noticed it was missing and since she’s turned out to be the type of roommate who does NOT replace food that she eats, I’ve now (shamefully) stopped replacing anything of hers either. Have I mentioned I am moving…to save myself from her AND to save myself from turning into the kind of roommate I have hated having.


    Jun 18, 2007 at 5:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   Sue

    Anybody who’s been through the ordeal of having roommates has run into a “Michelle” as some point. I think that’s why this particular post is getting so much response. Back in college I not only had THREE roommates at the same time who did this, but they brought along their boyfriends who raided the fridge regularly. I was eventually forced to put up my own sign telling them that I was not a catering service and they could buy their own fucking food.

    Another horror story: I worked at a theater a few years ago, and they had a community fridge in the break room. Everybody brought packed lunchs because there were no cheap restaurants nearby. Some asshole would regularly go through ALL the lunchs and pick and choose items–an apple out of this bag, a pudding out of this one, and so on. We never caught the person while I was there…

    Jun 18, 2007 at 7:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   ladylivewire

    I hate it when people go out to dinner and then order more free bread to go. The bread is for eating with your meal while you’re there. If you want toast for breakfast, go buy a loaf!

    Jun 18, 2007 at 8:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   Tarn

    Michelle reminds me of my worst ever flatmate, a hygenically-challenged Yorkshireman (Ok, not relevant, but who needs a smelly roomie?)
    This guy regularly ‘finished off’ whole loaves of the nice bread I bought from the specialist baker for myself – and replaced it, but with nasty, supermarket’s own brand cotton-wool white sliced! Which he of course, never touched, because he was eating MY, much nicer, bread. And nobody else wanted it, so it would go green while he carried on eating mine and feeling virtuous because he’d ‘replaced’ it! What a tool.

    He also used to open and finish my newly-bought milk. When I came down for breakfast, there was no sign of the milk I’d brought home the night before, and I had to do without.
    In fact, HE’S the reason I started using (still use it) skimmed milk. Because he wouldn’t touch that nancy-boy stuff!
    Some roomies just need to die painfully, don’t they? ;-)

    Jun 18, 2007 at 8:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   Babychaos

    Hello everyone, in light of the fact that there is a twat like Michelle in every boarding school dormitory, every university or college hall and every shared house or flat, let me share the ultimate revenge with you. This one, works every time.

    I went to a boarding school and one of my friends was a great chef. Unfortunately, the Michelle’s got to know. He would make some fabulous meal in cookery class, leave it in his own study and when he came back from lessons, hey presto! It had always disappeared.

    Eventually, he made a very luscious cake, laced it with several doses of a well known purgative called “ExLax” and left it on the windowsill in his study. Later that evening it had all gone.

    What we learned from this experiment was that ExLax makes you go and go. The perpetrators had to stay on the lavatory for various lengths of time ranging from the next 12 to the next 24 hours. Nobody stole his food again.

    Since then, I have used this technique to deal with people like Michelle. After the first time, unless they have bowels of concrete, they are unlikely to re-offend and it’s worth blowing your food budget for the week on the cake ingredients and the ExLax.

    Sweet justice.

    If I was Michelle’s flat mate and I’d seen this post, her sneering boast “that bread was fucking delicious” would have had me out on the streets collecting dog pooh to put in her bed.



    Jun 18, 2007 at 8:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #45   DontTakeMyBeer

    ExLax is a good tactic, but how do you prevent people from taking your alcohol? I’m down to two roommates now — from three previously — and there’s a communal ethic with food, which is usually fine except that my one roommate extends to certain douchebag freeloaders (who crash with impunity on our couch, eat and drink without replacement or payback) the right to drink my beer. “We all share here,” he says. This is good beer, btw. Maybe going back to buying Schlitz will scare them off?

    Jun 18, 2007 at 11:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #46   Potbelly

    DontTakeMyBeer…may I suggest piss? Just a little. Then at least you have the private satisfaction of knowing the offender is drinking your piss.

    Jun 18, 2007 at 12:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #47   Psipsina

    You could add habanero sauce to the beer. However, the real problem with beer is, how do you open it in a way that it can be reclosed?

    Jun 18, 2007 at 12:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #48   joebec

    that girl needs her ass kicked. screw emailing i’d have called her ass out on the carpet and made her look like an idiot in front of all the roomates. freakin mooch.

    Jun 18, 2007 at 12:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #49   Olivia

    Comment number 9 for the win.

    Jun 18, 2007 at 4:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #50   Gwen

    Michelle should be chased down by a mob of torch and pitchfork carrying villagers. Bitch.
    My ex-roommate used a different tactic for her food stealing. She’d ask if I’d mind if she took a piece of my bread or a glass of my milk or whatever. I’d say yeah, sure, go for it. Then she seemed to think that I meant you can take some any time. I gave her permission once so she never had to ask again.
    Then I borrowed a box of her craft dinner (which I had every intention of replacing later that day when I went to the store) and she flipped. She got home before I left to go shopping and freaked because it was what she was going to eat for dinner before going to work. So I offered to let her take anything of mine she liked and I’d still replace the box.
    She huffily took a can of soup (the expensive one too… way better than shitty mac and cheese), I replaced the can and she still wouldn’t let it go. Months later her mom would still send food over and tell her not to leave it out where “Gwen would steal it”. She took great pleasure in poointing that out to me. (yeah, she told her mom.)

    Jun 18, 2007 at 4:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #51   Chica

    It’s really interesting how self-righteous so many people are when telling their own stories…i particularly like #51′s subjective judgment that her replacement of her roommate’s planned meal was “way better than shitty mac and cheese.” The “which I had every intention of replacing” parenthetical is also notable. I also love #40′s reasoning that the addition of ‘interest,’ in the form of 4 extra packs of Pop-Tarts, repaid at a later time, makes the initial theft OK.

    Nice work, guys. Keep up that good justification.

    So perhaps the issue isn’t, as #39 suggested, that “we all had a Michelle of one kind or another in our lives at some point…and we’re using this one to vent a little” and something closer to “we’ve all been a Michelle of one kind or another in our lives at some point”…and we still feel at least a little bit guilty about it.

    Jun 18, 2007 at 9:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #52   Hoor.

    You’re all a bunch of pussies.

    Jun 18, 2007 at 10:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #53   Condom Man

    While I understand the original writer’s annoyance at looking forward to a certain meal at the beginning of the day, only to have someone else steal it from you, I also have to note her control-freakish behavior and attitude. Telling her roomies to send an email to her blackberry before borrowing food? Just a liiiiil bit anal retentive.

    Perhaps Michelle is the truly passive-agressive one, relishing stealing food from her nemesis instead of having the guts to confront her face-to-face.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 12:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #54   Juno Henry

    Condom Man — I disagree with you.

    Her point was that permission should be asked, and food taken be replaced — with products of a similar quality.

    More to the point, Michelle — the fuckhead perp in question — gleefully displayed her fuckheadity and lack of regard for anyone else on the planet by her aside at the end of her submission. Given this non-coerced display of antisocial and just plain rude behaviour, I can only imagine what other obnoxious activities Michelle indulged in.

    From where i’m sitting, the original writer’s behaviour was probably a straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back reaction. Control-freakish and anally retentive? I don’t think so.

    PS Hoor? Eat me.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 1:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #55   avv

    uptight fucking poor people – the dripping, totally fake ‘reasonableness’ of that email is unbearable – it’s a vile, calculated display of matyrdom. i find the sort of people who drag around a mental filing cabinet of all the petty injustices they’ve endured a far more depressing strand of human behaviour than someone stealing a bit of bread.

    i’m glad you stole that bread, michelle, and i’m glad it was fucking delicious.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 3:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #55.1   coxy

      Congrats man, I can’t believe it took so long for someone to post some sense here. i thought i had accidentally drifted over to a forum for passive aggressives!

      All Michelle did was eat a piece of fucking leftover bread from a skanky fast food outlet, and her comment about how much she enjoyed the bread is clearly just an attempt to flip the bird at the pompous, overbearing and long winded diatribe. FFS, ‘the victim’ is practically writing the email on Xmas eve! And she references a conversation they had at the beginning of the year – what does she do, call a family meeting every year and lay down her rules that everyone must abide by, “no excuses”!

      She deserved to get her farken bread stolen. Noone touches my fucken cheese tho.

      Aug 7, 2008 at 8:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #56   Tarn

    avv – I’m interested to know whether, if Michelle’s roomie had simply confronted her rather than emailing, that would make her anger acceptable to you?
    Michelle’s behaviour was unacceptable by any standards. Anger is a reasonable response. So you don’t like the way the wronged person expressed it – that doesn’t make Michelle a hero.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 8:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #57   Sue

    Hey Chica, I wanted to point out that you are totally wrong in this regard. I personally have always respected the property of others–particularly roomates–and have never used someone else’s food without first asking (each time!). Instead, I’ve had the misfortune of running into several bad roommates over the years (including one that bounced her rent check TWICE resulting in marks on MY record and official eviction threats). Some of us ARE victims and not just transferring our frustration or justifying our own actions. I wonder if YOU have an agenda of your own.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #58   Potbelly

    avv is just a Michelle themselves. While I agree that petty and martyr-like behavior sucks, what is this “file cabinet”? All I saw mentioned was the bread.

    The great thing is, Michelles really do pay. Doors close silently in all kinds of ways without the person even knowing, when they treat others that way. In some cultures they cut off your hands for stealing. People don’t like that shit.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 11:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #59   Melissa

    I’m going to have to say that you people have taken one line of text, “that bread was f*cking delicious” and made ALL sorts of assumptions about it when it could very well have been taken out of context.
    Michelle ENTIRE comment could have been something like: “I shouldn’t have eaten it, but that bread was f*cking delicious.”
    Comments indicating that Michelle is a “fuckhead perp” or and asswipe are way out of line, especially when you realize that your comments may be based on a false assumption!
    There is absolutely NO CALL for such rudeness, even if she DIDN’T regret her actions (which I’m betting she DID to some degree, unless she’s a sociopath).

    Jun 19, 2007 at 4:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #60   lulu

    Michelle? Is that you?

    Jun 19, 2007 at 5:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #61   sPaRklE-BuRNoUt

    Oh Michelle, you silly twat.
    You arrogant thief,
    I hope you rot

    Jun 19, 2007 at 5:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #62   sPaRklE-BuRNoUt

    Oh Michelle,
    You silly twat.
    You arrogant thief,
    I hope you rot

    Jun 19, 2007 at 5:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #63   Katfo

    It wasn’t inappropriate to put that email up – Michelle is clearly being passive-aggressive in doing so!

    Jun 19, 2007 at 5:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #64   BAR

    Oh Michelle
    you thieving twat
    You’ve no remorse,
    I hope you rot.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 5:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #65   Team Not-Melissa/Michelle

    Then why did you saved the e-mails for so long, Melissa-Michelle? Duh.

    Jun 19, 2007 at 10:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #66   avv

    re: Potbelly

    “some of the things I have had eaten include a $15 block of cheese…”
    “the problem is persistant and affects all of us”
    “my food keeps disappearing, I typically know who eats it”

    Maybe I’m reading too much into this. I find it insufferable.

    (slightly tangential thought: there’s something here about the idea of a (right-wing?) hero – an ‘ordinary decent’ man/woman who is driven to the edge (driven to action! to the writing of notes!) by the lack of manners , the sheer thoughtlessness of others – the man/woman who takes a stand for decency (!) No doubt, a seductive self-image for people who lack the faculty of perspective, but this is pettiness and martyrdom parading as nobility)

    Jun 20, 2007 at 4:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #67   Chica


    I didn’t mean that we have all stolen bread/food from our roommates. I meant that
    a) we have all committed what seemed at the time to be minor offenses, but in reality or retrospect became larger issues, against someone who we had no overall intention of harming or offending, and

    b) we have all taken advantage of someone else. Whether we did it intentionally or not, regretted it or didn’t, compensated for it or ducked out, we’ve all done it. Whether you leeched your cousin/brother/friend’s marbles in second grade or their class notes in eighth, let them be DD more often than you in college, borrowed too many of their DVDs as adults or asked them to babysit your dog more times than you did their kids…we’ve all done it.

    I’m not saying it’s right; I’m saying let’s not get self-righteous. You take advantage of someone else; the person gets upset and you learn boundaries and the rules of society/relationships. Michelle’s not a bitch, she was just being immature.

    Jun 20, 2007 at 8:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #68   Melissa

    I’m not saying Michelle was right to take the bread, or that I wouldn’t have been irritated if that had happened to me.
    I’m saying a lot of people’s responses to those e-mails and Michelle’s apparent non-regret are inappropriate and just downright mean.
    Comments aren’t thoughtful or interesting when all you do is call someone a name. Aren’t comments more interesting when there’s an actual discussion involved? When you actually contribute something as opposed to being mean and immature and contributing nothing but ill will?

    Jun 20, 2007 at 10:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #69   Potbelly

    avv- I see your point. I guess remorseless (nay, proud, considering the evidence) and inconsiderate food theives trigger my fury, as I grew up with one, and nothing could ever be done about it as my parents are chauvinists who believed boys will be boys and were entitled to eat everything so they can grow big and strong.

    Jun 20, 2007 at 12:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #70   Kat

    What an irritating thing to have to put up with… how hard is it to ask someone before taking? I buy the food in my house and STILL ask before taking something that was purchased at the request of a house member … and if it is just too hard to ask before taking, discuss it ahead of time… “Just for future reference, if I end up in a bind, do you mind if I eat your extra food as long as I replace it? ” How hard is it to NOT sport an entitlement attitude?

    Jun 20, 2007 at 2:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #71   Gwen

    Chica – you’ll forgive me for getting a little high and mighty with someone who’d been stealing my food for over a year.

    Jun 20, 2007 at 8:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #72   Tarn

    Well, at least she’s given us a new word for the urban dictionary – a Michelle’, to me, is now & forever a thieving, mooching roomie!

    Jun 22, 2007 at 9:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #73   KittyPants

    Tarn- pleeeeeease, no, don’t make that name a synonym for a mooching roomie! We non-thieving, fun/thoughtful roommate Michelles are legion!

    Dang, stealing restaurant leftovers is a low blow. I always drool at the thought of leftover sesame bread from my favorite Hunan place- I’d be pissed if someone swiped it when I was dreaming about it…

    Jun 22, 2007 at 11:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #74   The masked Breton

    I didn’t realise this website was about the moral compass. I’m hear to laugh at funny shit that people right on post it notes, regardless of whether they are the wolf or the lamb!!

    Jun 23, 2007 at 5:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #75   Crysilla

    No. 9 FTW!!!

    Whoever wrote they had people who order extra bread: Fuck you! Flour is cheap and if I pay $50 to go out the business can afford the .52 it costs to bake the bread.

    Jun 25, 2007 at 2:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #76   tater

    I had a bitchy roomy like Michelle, and the way we dealt with her was to pour syrup of epacac on the leftovers. She ate, she hurled. It took 3 or 4 times before she was conditioned properly, but in the end it worked just great.

    Jun 26, 2007 at 6:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #77   Amy

    Lol…. The fact that Michelle was evil enough to say “that bread was fucking delicious” makes me laugh. Really, I was anti-Michelle up until that line. Fabulous. If you’re going to be a bitch, at least be an evil, sadistic one. Saying that, after the bread-owner expressed their feelings about the missing bread, was priceless. Way to shoot a dead horse out of pure spite! I love Michelle.

    Jun 30, 2007 at 10:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #78   RaggDolly121

    how dare you amy…

    …obviously, she was an only child, and never had food taken from her.

    selfish idiot (michelle-not amy)

    Jul 3, 2007 at 9:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #79   Amy

    oh please. Learn to label your shit and grow up. It was funny. Laughing at someone else missing their bread. Priceless. “Yoink! mmm delicious” *points and laughs*

    Jul 3, 2007 at 10:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #80   it's a fucking piece of bread

    i’m with michelle on this one.

    Jul 8, 2007 at 3:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #81   jellofishy

    I have to admit, this is the first time I’ve come across people with refrigerator issues like this and I was even more shocked to find out from all the comments that other people have experienced this too. It makes me feel like I live in a shell or something. Me and my room-mates follow a system specifically designed for saving money on food and being able to eat anything out of the fridge at any given time. What we do is we pool in $20-30 each per week set aside as grocery-money. We write down everything we want bought from the store on a shopping list and we take the amount out of the grocery-money to buy those items. If we have money left over, we just continue to contribute equal amounts each week, maybe instead of $20, just $10, depending on how much food we plan on buying from the supermarket. With this system, we are able to save money on food and eat more home-made cooking rather than buying take-aways. And we don’t care if we run out of a certain item in the fridge because we can always get it replaced ASAP using the money we saved. If there is a certain item in the fridge that one of us don’t want to get touched because the money came out of our own pockets rather than the grocery-money, then we LABEL that item, and therefore no one else touches it.
    Of course this will probably not work for some/most of the people here, especially if one person out of the whole flat eats more of something than the rest, but I guess I’m lucky enough to have flatmates who don’t pig out on the orange juice or worse, COMPLAIN A-LA PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE VIA EMAIL. Not being able to communicate something face-to-face is a nightmare for me. That totally sucks balls. I’m glad I live with sensible people who realise that sharing and cooking for each other is the only we can avoid starving, food-theft and going broke when you’re living in a flat.

    Jul 11, 2007 at 8:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #82   Amy

    jellofishy.. i think i love you :)

    Jul 11, 2007 at 9:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #83   Michelle

    O RLY?

    Jul 18, 2007 at 8:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #84   ordinarygirl

    Two words:

    Bar fridge.

    Works like a CHARM. Yes, it makes hydro more expensive, but it’s cheaper than getting your own place, and we have used them as bedside tables before when there was no other room.

    Jul 21, 2007 at 12:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #84.1   m. r.

      yeah, i opted to get my own place. now my Outback bread is safe…

      Aug 10, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #85   GhostWriter

    Points I don’t think we’ve yet fully discussed:

    (a) The second take-home “order” of bread from the Outback was free- let’s not pretend that it was a $15 block of cheese… The note writer keeps saying that he/she is “happy to split the cost…” well, half of free is, hmm- I guess I get some of the next loaf as well?

    (b) Quote: “There will never be a case where you ask me for food and I become the least bit upset” I personally wouldn’t be able to contain myself in attempting to prove this statement wrong.“Are you gonna finish those fries? How ’bout that burger? How ’bout that beer?” At a minimum, the note writer is asking to be woken up early with a yeasty smile, “Do ya mind if I already ate your bread?”

    (c) The classic passive-agressiveness of the first note comes from the fact that it was sent to all the roommates, but addressed only to Michelle. “Excuse me, did y’all realize that Michelle ate my Outback bread? Well, consider yourselves notified! PS: Yes, it’s a big deal!”

    Jul 24, 2007 at 6:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #85.1   m. r.

      (a) fuck off
      (b) asking for food does not automatically get a positive response. if you were the least bit non-prickish you would have realized that before posting that obsurd response. i would never get upset if someone asked me for something – i would definitely get upset if they did and ignored a negative response and ate the bread anyway.
      (c) yeah, that was a dick move. i will try not to do that next time…

      Aug 10, 2008 at 2:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #86   GhostWriter

    I forgot to mentoin that I am so on Team Michelle that I am going to bake up a functional bread hat, offer it as a gift to the original note writer, but secretly munch on it while he/she sleeps.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 7:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #87   Michelle

    O RLY??

    Jul 25, 2007 at 1:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #88   m

    I have an ongoing problem with roommates stealing my food, too. I sometimes get half-hearted apologies, I rarely get compensated and I’m left counting and measuring so that I can actually store food in my own kitchen without it being theived. And I’m not even a jerk: I tell them that if they want sometime, ask me first.

    I remember one day saying that to one of my roommates and got the reply, “you weren’t here to ask.” Nice, jackass. I guess that means when he isn’t there, I can flush his illegal substances down the toilet, right?

    Jul 26, 2007 at 2:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #89   Andy

    GhostWriter: That bread hat was fucking delecious.

    Jul 30, 2007 at 4:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #90   Rennie

    “Potbelly // Jun 16, 2007 at 10:22 am

    Touch my food if you’re willing to lose that hand.

    I grew up in a household with a brother who always ate ALL of ANYTHING remotely good or special one placed in the fridge, no matter how short a time it was in there, or how well it was wrapped, labeled and obviously not his. He would eat pies made for school bake sales, cakes made for someone’s birthday party the next day, whatever. I still kind of hate him for it. Oh and he also stole money. He could find it anywhere.

    So yeah, go team not-Michelle.”

    Oh man, is your brother named Hobie? My fucking jerkasshole roommate who ate everything I made, even if just made toast and had it cooking and went tot he other roomt o wait for it, he’d smell it out and gto and eat it before I evenm returned tot he kitchen for it – “oh – sorry Rennie, I didn’t kn0w it was yours” – we finally just had to stop buying food. I lived with that jerk for almost two years, I lost so much weight. Fucking assholes.

    Fuck you Michelle you thieving bitch. Roommates who steal from other roommates are thoughtless wastes of space… get bent.

    team – screw you michelle

    Aug 1, 2007 at 8:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #91   Rennie

    O RLY?

    And learn to spell you hack

    Aug 1, 2007 at 8:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #92   BoggyWoggy

    I’ve really been thinking about this post…and I just realized something:

    Aug 4, 2007 at 5:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #93   Andy

    BoggyWoggy, you have to understand. That bread was fucking delicious. That’s all that needs to be said.

    Aug 4, 2007 at 8:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #94   Kat

    Granted, Michelle shouldn’t have eaten the food…but that e-mail also smacks of controlling bitchiness.

    Happy apartment indeed.

    Aug 4, 2007 at 11:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #95   Ryan

    Plenty was said already, but maybe the real problem here are the crazy bitches living in that house, one has problems with eating other people’s food then getting angry at them for caring, the other has some sort of delusions as to what a healthy breakfast is, never mind the fact that she blows her money on cheese and Outback meals.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 7:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #96   Shanna

    Holy crap, I could not imagine living with these crazy, controlling people! My roommate and I share food and supplies, regardless of who gets it. Granted eating something special or the “last” of it is annoying, but seriously…

    Aug 8, 2007 at 10:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #97   Dr. Nona

    CTFU. I just love how this starts with “you crossed the line when…”. And the fact that she’s complaining about food from Outback steakhouse just makes it so much better.

    (I despise chain restaurants)

    Aug 8, 2007 at 7:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #98   Plums

    This is just to say
    I have eaten the plums
    that were
    in the icebox

    and which
    you were probably
    for breakfast

    Forgive me
    they were delicious
    so sweet
    and so cold

    William Carlos Williams

    Aug 10, 2007 at 7:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #99   Sea Hag

    I get all moisty at someone who can quote William Carlos Williams.

    I am going to go smother myself in butter.

    Aug 11, 2007 at 9:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #100   Nanna

    This note is classically Passive Aggressive in the fact that the grievance was aired via a note! If you know who is stealing your food, confront them. But I am NOT Team Michelle at all. If you didn’t buy it, and there is no indication it is for you, then don’t eat it! It’s that simple! I cannot count the number of times that I have gone into the cupboard or fridge to take out that special treat I was saving only to find it gone.

    Also, the note said the bread was “ordered.” There was no mention of it being free. When I order extra bread at the end of the meal, I pay for it. It rarely happens, but I do pay for it. I can’t be the only one who does.

    Aug 15, 2007 at 4:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #101   Cyn

    OMG . I’m goin’ with team-not Michelle too! Geez. I’ve never been real good at passive-aggression… I’da punched her (I’m betting) fat bitch ass out. :0)

    Aug 17, 2007 at 1:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #102   aloha

    Not passive-aggresive at all, its called communication, no matter the form it is relayed in. Always rude to presume its ok to help yourself to what does not belong to you.

    Aug 31, 2007 at 12:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #103   be informed, homeland security will be

    [...] add in the peculiar diction and the glorious redundancy of it all, and you’ve got one fucking delicious [...]

    Nov 6, 2007 at 10:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #104   Zena

    Stolen fruit is sweet…but the taste doesn’t make it any less stolen…

    Nov 8, 2007 at 11:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #105   Sundaeg1rl

    Yeah, Michele, you bitch!!! If you’d tried that in our shared house, you would have found yourself drinking laundry powder milkshakes for all eternity.

    See, while I’m *extremely* good at revenge, karma is even better.

    Dec 7, 2007 at 9:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #106   it always comes down to the toilet paper

    [...] a michelle-esque touch, no? i think i actually might have to side with josh on this one. i’ll gladly welcome a [...]

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #107   Ivy

    Team Outback. They’ve gotta have good bread to inspire such anger.

    May 17, 2008 at 6:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #108   RosieToes

    “that bread was fucking delicious.”

    That made me laugh my fucking ass off.

    Because the Outback bread really is fucking delicious in its pumpernickely goodness. Ya bettah believe it.

    May 20, 2008 at 11:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #109   Transistor

    I would totally be like…. “I hope you liked the salsa dip you ate this morning, I spit in it to ensure it was mine. You might want to get checked, I had a herpes outbreak three days ago. KTHX”


    May 29, 2008 at 3:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #110   artstarr bang

    i dunno but if i got an email from my room mate, i’d laugh and continue eating her food.

    what’s she going to do the next time? write me an angrier email. oooooo…shakin in me boots….

    Jun 1, 2008 at 2:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #111   pickledami

    ok. so if I eat a $15 block of cheese, and then 1/3 block of cheese, is THAT how I would “owe you 20 dollars pretty quickly” you cheese-hoarding donkey fucker?

    Jun 2, 2008 at 3:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #112   greg

    Michelle, you ignorant slut…..

    Jun 2, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #113   Nicole


    Wait. The author of the emails said, in email one,

    “I expect it to return within a couple of hours or I will be after you for reimbursement.”

    Does that mean, the actual food. The original food that was taken.

    That’s what I read it to mean.

    Next time you take their food Michelle, just shit it back into the original container. It’s what they asked for.

    I hate roommates who dictate rules.

    Jun 3, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #114   Curtis

    You shouldn’t have to label your food in your own damn fridge when you only live with one other person! Michelle is inconsiderate and rude and needs to buy her own food.

    Jun 5, 2008 at 9:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #115   MDM

    Okay, I agree… I completely agree. Michelle should be put up in front of a wall and shot.

    The email wasn’t all that bad, just slightly self-righteous. (And the bread cost $22.00?) But there is no denying that she was completely in the right, and what I assume is a lazy Michelle is in the wrong.


    I laughed my ass off reading the postscript. I’m a horrible person, I know it.

    Jun 20, 2008 at 11:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #116   Rowdy bang

    What really gets me about this email is the final line :

    “lack of response implies consent and full understanding”

    Fuck you, you bread hoarding wuss. If I don’t reply that’s because your lengthy, boring emails get directed straight to the Trash. Where I also dumped your lovely doggy-bag from the restaurant.

    PS. Lack of response to this comment implies you agree to pay me $15 via Paypal

    Jun 30, 2008 at 10:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #117   bobby

    It wasn’t polite. Passive aggressive people are always saying, “I am happy to do this” when in reality they are completely pissed off.

    Jul 4, 2008 at 5:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #118   Em Tee

    I’d cut a bitch for less. Shoot, I fell into a black rage over fucking potato chips, let alone delicious Outback brown bread and butter.

    You don’t cross the food line. It’s a fundamental need, hooker. Respeto.

    Jul 9, 2008 at 11:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #119   Seattle Mama

    I had 8 of the WORST roommates when I was in school- seriously I was the ONLY one who bought cheese, milk, or TP… we were supposed to be ‘taking turns’ replenishing these things, but it would just get used up and remain out till it bothered someone enough to be replaced (me) and then it would be gone in a day… so my guy and I told the rest of the roomies that they were on their own and we were only feeding ourselves from now on.

    We were able to keep TP in our room, hid the cheese in the produce bin of the beer fridge, but we couldn’t figure out a way to hide the milk.

    Finally, my fiance decided to made a point of drinking out of our marked gallon of milk in front of each of our roommates- you could tell which ones had been mooching off of us by their horrified faces. A few of them even had the nerve to bitch about how gross it was, to which we responded that it shouldn’t be an issue because we were the only people drinking out of *our* milk… right?

    And you know what? After that, a gallon of milk would actually last us a few days, instead of being gone literally the day after I bought it!

    Jul 9, 2008 at 6:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #120   moondust

    Michelle=hipster bitch

    Jul 10, 2008 at 5:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #121   John H

    Well, shit. Food is expensive these days. Gas is freaking $5.00 a gallon. I’d be pissed off too if some bitch ate what I was saving for the next day.

    I deal with this too, only in a different aspect: My gf likes to toss out food that’s still good. I got really fucking pissed about a half loaf of raisin bread that was in the fridge that she tossed because “it was in there forever” (it wasn’t; a week and a half isn’t “forever” for bread when it’s stored in the fridge and it has no signs of mold or fermenting). Some people just don’t understand that some food items can keep for a long time in the fridge.

    The irony is that my gf’s name is…Michelle.


    Jul 10, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #122   One-time

    I’ve never been there, but if bread is bought at the “Outback” shouldn’t it be regarded as damper?
    Can someone break this bread down for me? Is it slightly thick and a bit dough-y (oh christ did I mis-spell dough-y and subject myself to passive aggressive ridicule? SHIT does mis-spell actually have two s’s? This is stressier than I thought- I didn’t even give christ a capital letter…stepping on some biiiig toes now…)

    Anyway, it’s only bread. Or damper.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 6:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #123   Crystal

    I’ve dealt with this before, with various roommates. It’s actually gotten to the point of me saying, “look, if one more [insert food item here] comes up missing, I’m kicking you ass. Not because I want to, because you’re making me do it.”

    I’m mean though.

    Jul 16, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #123.1   bobby

      “I’m sorry (KICKKICK) I really hate doing this (KICKICKKICK) but you have left me no choice. (KICKICK) Sorry. (KICKKICK) You brought this on yourself. (KICKICKICKICKICK)”

      Aug 1, 2008 at 1:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #124   marie antoinette

    oh my fucking god. can’t you people share a goddamn fucking piece of bread?

    Jul 19, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #124.1   m. r.

      Who wants to go to Outback?

      Aug 10, 2008 at 2:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #125   bob


    bitch please, it was just a peice of bread! y did she get so orgasmic over it!?

    && michelles comment at the end? priceless! get a sense of humor ppl!

    Aug 5, 2008 at 12:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #126   how good is that? | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes

    [...] related: the first thing i did when i woke up [...]

    Aug 19, 2008 at 10:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #127   …and forgive us our trespasses

    [...] related: the first thing i did when i woke up [...]

    Apr 20, 2009 at 7:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #128   Memo to all employees (but primarily intended for one person in particular) |

    [...] (“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.) [...]

    Nov 18, 2010 at 3:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #129   How to respectfully steal my food |

    [...] recent: That Outback bread was… [...]

    Jun 15, 2011 at 11:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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