Killer cookie dough

June 20th, 2007 · 33 comments

Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”

DO NOT EAT - if you do...you will DIE!! <3 Lacy

Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:

If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
Love, Lacey

FILED UNDER: die bitch die · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Kansas · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing


33 responses so far ↓

  • #1   K.R

    mmmm cookies of death !!

    Jun 20, 2007 at 6:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   eh

    “we never touch each others food as is”

    as is? if you are being truthful that you never touch her food then i am for:

    team lauren!

    Jun 20, 2007 at 6:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   aliastaken

    Love the scrawled heart…

    Jun 20, 2007 at 6:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   josie

    i had a roommate once
    when i was 17
    never again

    Jun 20, 2007 at 7:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Amanda

    “Do not touch the heater”?? Who the hell does she think she is? I mean, the note is kind of cute, but unless she’s the only one paying utility bills, she can suck it. Team Lauren!

    Jun 20, 2007 at 8:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Soulwound

    I’m all for running around naked.

    Jun 20, 2007 at 8:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Erin

    I think Lacey just wants to see all her roomies in their birthday suits. Why else would she tell them to run around naked? For real– I’ve had roommates and I never had any desire to see them nude–

    Jun 20, 2007 at 8:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Lauren

    Yes, we don’t touch eachothers food. I did find out that Lacey used all my brown sugar today. What a gem. My very unattractive male friend has offered to lounge nude in my house when it’s hot… I think I may take him up on that offer.

    Jun 20, 2007 at 8:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   evilbunnytoo

    she used all your brown sugar – hold her cookie dough hostage !!!!!

    Also, now it’s your turn to leave a passive agressive note: “Lauren – Please do not eat other people’s food, this include my brown sugar that was all used up, please replace it by tommorrow OR DIE!!!! [insert heart here]“

    Jun 20, 2007 at 9:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Brett

    I vote for resolution via sweaty pillow fight.

    Jun 21, 2007 at 6:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Daniel Hoffmann-Gill

    Not so much passive aggressive as just aggressive.

    Jun 21, 2007 at 6:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Lesley

    Death threats over cookie dough? Seriously?

    I would throw out the cookie dough and leave a note saying “I assumed from your warning of death that the cookie dough was laced with a deadly poison. I disposed of it in order to spare you from certain death!”

    Jun 21, 2007 at 6:48 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   jen

    The only thing I put brown sugar in is… cookie dough. Bitch has a mad cookie problem.

    Jun 21, 2007 at 7:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Nunya

    It would have taken every bit of my self control not to respond to this nutjob. And what is up with her trying to regulate her roommates’ use of the heater? Some folks are just not meant to live with other people.

    Jun 21, 2007 at 7:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Peggy

    Just add a note – “I did not eat, but I did stick the rolls between my butt cheeks. Heart!”

    Jun 21, 2007 at 8:48 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Stephanie

    Definately like Peggy’s comment. I can think of tons of things to do with them other than eat them. Duct tape them to the heater, perhaps?

    Jun 21, 2007 at 9:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Psipsina

    I think I would’ve eaten them (or maybe even just hidden them) and replaced them with a note: “We’re all going to die someday. At least I got to eat some cookie dough first.”

    Jun 21, 2007 at 10:23 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Peggy

    LOL Psipsina! That is absolutely perfect.

    Jun 21, 2007 at 10:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Jacinda

    Where in Kansas? Maybe some roomates in KU or KSU?

    Team Lauren ALL THE WAY!
    “Don’t touch the heater”? What a bitch!
    Though I like her ideas of running naked. At least she isn’t a completely uptight jackass!

    Jun 21, 2007 at 4:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Lauren

    KSU all the way baby. Go wildcats.

    Jun 21, 2007 at 7:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   E

    My first roommate was ALWAYS cold. She wouldn’t let me turn down the heat – so I just left my window open in the winter… we lived in a one room dorm. (I swear, my windows would steam up because it was so hot and muggy in our room… even with the heat turned off. ) She finally learned to just put on a sweater and put a blanket on over her legs… and I still wore shorts and a t shirt to study in. You’d think with all the secret peppermint schnapps she drank, she’d be warmer.

    Jun 21, 2007 at 8:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Lauren

    E I totally feel you. I live in the upstairs room… which is the only thing upstairs. It’s a smaller house and thank goodness I convinced the owner’s dad (my roomie who is NOT the nutcase leaving the notes) to put in a window unit air conditioner. I keep my room like an icebox and she can keep the downstairs like a sauna all she likes. She can’t annoy me that way anymore, and I’m sure it eats her up inside haha.

    Jun 22, 2007 at 5:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   newhoosier

    I think the roommate might be headed down the wrong path. If she doesn’t do something, she’ll end up like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHCQXGsDMXQ

    Jun 22, 2007 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Aly

    Man, I would just be pissed that she’s taking up all the freaking freezer space. Does she buy that shit by the case? Or just specially package it herself (which is probably more scary…)

    Jun 23, 2007 at 10:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Papa Shongo

    You know somebody’s dying to open that box ;-)

    Jun 26, 2007 at 4:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Chani

    mmmm, cookie dough. if I put that stuff in a shared freezer, it wouldn’t have a note, it’d have a frigging padlock :P

    Jun 29, 2007 at 5:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   RaggDolly121

    OMG YES!!!!!

    Jul 2, 2007 at 1:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   RaggDolly121

    I mean, when I leave my yogurt in the fridge, I make sure that I wrote ‘ MINE!!! GET YOUR OWN FOOD!!!’

    Jul 2, 2007 at 1:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Same???

    Is this the same woman who wrote to the daycare workers about not falling asleep? The signed off almost the same!

    Jul 13, 2007 at 12:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Same???

    TheY signed off almost the same!

    Jul 13, 2007 at 12:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   T

    Sorry but this makes me want to EAT IT.
    Eat it and die.

    Jul 22, 2007 at 3:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   T

    Makes me want to eat it. Eat it and DIE.

    Jul 22, 2007 at 3:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   BWelsh

    Wait. I thought not eating was what killed people. That’s one reason I like cookie dough.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 3:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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