this series of signs (all made by one person, and pinned up across an entire bulletin board) is among my all-time favorites. the glorious redundancies, the inappropriate quotation marks, the clip art — oh, it’s just too good.
(yeah, the last one is blurry. our anonymous canadian submitter apologizes.)
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!
99 responses so far ↓
#1 The Fresh Cracker
My favorite HAS to be the “smells” one.
Keep your shoes on!
Jul 17, 2007 at 7:54 am rating: 0
#2 Goldie
Under “Smells”, they covered shoes and perfume, but what about the farts, the smelly ethnic foods, and the smelly ethnic foods that make their owner fart? I’ve found all these to be a serious problem for cubicle-dwellers.
The last one kinda conflicts with the “privacy” one. If it’s my area, then what do you care if my posters are funny to you or not? Especially if you’re not allowed to “glance in my cubicle as you walk by”.
Jul 17, 2007 at 7:59 am rating: 0
#3 Potbelly
Yes “Smells” really wins. I have encountered disturbing foot odor from a Teva-wearing dude at work…NOT COOL. Stank breath is also no picnic and can totally fill a room.
Stellar set of notes, overall.
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:17 am rating: 0
#4 e
The funny part is this person probably works in a really tame office that doesn’t really have any real issues, but this person is the cublicle cop. Ugh, I hate those signs.
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:18 am rating: 0
#5 Cora
The privacy one gets me. Methinks somebody doesn’t want his/her coworkers to know s/he’s looking at porn on company time.
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:32 am rating: 0
#6 Writer, Rejected
I feel oppressed. I mean, Can’t I even sneak a tiny peek at your Eleanor Roosevelt poster or the framed desk photographs of your sweet new hottie? How can just looking into your “space” is out of bounds? Are you policing it? I mean, what if I don’t move my head, but just pass my eyes over your desk to see what your screensaver says? Not even a quickie on my way to water cooler? Would that be okay?
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:36 am rating: +1
#7 Andy
See, the thing is that signs like this never work on the people they’re intended for. For example, stank-foot-dude would never think his particular aroma is offensive, so he’d just go on wilting the flowers as he walked by, Pepe Le’ Pew-style.
I love the people who feel the need to marinate in perfume, cologne, etc. I always envision them with a 55 gallon drum with a pump, getting under it, and giving two or three squirts of the noxious liquid, then giving two more squirts for good measure.
Anyhoo, I’ve said it before, but signs like this encourage me to behave contrary to the sign, just because they annoy me. I’m such an asshole sometimes, but I amuse myself, so I am okay with it.
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:40 am rating: 0
#8 Writer, Rejected
Sorry for all the typos in my previous post (#6). Some jerk kept sticking his nose over my cubicle wall, and it made me nervous.
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:42 am rating: 0
#9 Elaina
seriously though…about smells… when people eat Tuna at their desk– I gag. it’s a reflex…can’t help it… or if they leave burger wrappers filled with onions in their trash can and that smell creeps around their cubed walls…. gross! I personally am an inhabitant of a cubicle colony at work and stuff like that just pisses me off. the signs dont help on that persons cube… it needs to be on public display, but don’t worry no one will give a care about them anyways. LOL
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:47 am rating: 0
#10 Marnie
Oooh, I love both the privacy and the sights posters. They both start imposing a level of control that none of we peons need to be concerning ourselves with. I can understand the aroma and noise, we’ve all had issues like that, but people can’t help but look around them when they walk and, unless something is blatantly offensive, how someone organizes (or not) their cube is for them and their manager to worry about.
Jul 17, 2007 at 9:19 am rating: 0
#11 Sweet Jane
I read Elaina’s post and thought, “MMMM TUNA!” and went and made myself a sandwich.
But I am at home.
MMMMM TUNA!
Jul 17, 2007 at 9:23 am rating: 0
#12 Heather
Good thing we have such tireless people policing our workspaces, no?
Jul 17, 2007 at 9:49 am rating: 0
#13 Vampira
Your cubicle is yours and private, but please don’t do anything private in your cubicle.
Jul 17, 2007 at 9:50 am rating: +1
#14 Stating the Obvious
I like the various spellings of “neighbor” within the same sign. That person sure has some edjumacation.
Jul 17, 2007 at 9:54 am rating: 0
#15 jules
OMG, I thought for a minute I was watching an episode of “The Office” and Dwight was on a rampage.
Jul 17, 2007 at 9:55 am rating: 0
#16 Deb
“Remember, not everyone shares your sense of humor.”
My favorite.
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:00 am rating: 0
#17 Tarn
Love these!
Of course trying to control what people glance at in passing is OTT. Ditto, the expression of a cubicle-dweller’s sense of humour. If you don’t find my postcards funny, don’t look. Gotta agree about bad smells though. And how about loud personal calls? It’s all very well telling people not to listen in, but sometimes there’s no help for it!
I guess cubicle dwelling is like apartment dwelling but with even less privacy….. and hell IS other people, after all…
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:02 am rating: 0
#18 Jacinda
Jules, that is SO a Dwight thing to do, you’re right! LoL!
I HATE when people do this. It’s clearly the WRITER’S feelings trying to be imposed on others. You can’t GLANCE in someone’s cubicle now? Hell, Istick half my body into someone’s cube if I’m looking for them.
I understand where the writer is coming from, but to put up signs is just stupid. It’s almost an insult, as if her co-workers WOULDN’T know all of these things without her putting up notices. Sorry, but we’re all guilty of cube crimes. Live and let live, Cube Nazi!
TEAM CUBE CRIMES!
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:09 am rating: 0
#19 will
I was just about to have a gab session too.
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:13 am rating: 0
#20 Trev
I must say, team tuna seems to be winning my vote.
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:22 am rating: 0
#21 Tyche
I can’t help but wonder if all the cubicle-policing is detracting from the cubicle-cop’s real job. I hope they’re not in charge of anything too important!
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:27 am rating: 0
#22 BoggyWoggy
One time my mother complained to me, “There’s this woman in the cubicle next to me who talks constantly and loudly, so that everyone can hear! I think she’s mentally ill. Tomorrow I’m going to tell her to shut-up, since no one cares.”
The next day, she overheard a conversation about the woman while in the staff room. Apparently, this was her first job in several years. She’d just been released from a mental treatment facility. 4 years earlier she’d had a breakdown after HER 5 CHILDREN WERE KILLED BY A BABYSITTER! THE SITTER HAD SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE!
Thank goodness Mom hadn’t gotten to her yet.
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:36 am rating: 0
#23 Lisa
The “SMELLS” one is the best. “What may smell good to you may be pungent to someone else.”
Yes, the reason people take off their shoes is because they think their feet smell good.
Eau de Shoeless Foot, by Stetson.
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:43 am rating: +1
#24 Goldie
I got one - how about people who have their phone on speaker all the time for no good reason? Especially when they’re checking their voice mail? These should be repeatedly slapped in the face by their cube neighbors’ stinky socks. I can’t believe she missed that whole category.
Jul 17, 2007 at 10:49 am rating: 0
#25 Jojo dancer
I am a cube dweller also and am glad I don’t have to deal with anyone like this!
Haven’t smelled anything pungent around here yet, but I might just start taking off my shoes. Used to work with someone who used to do that, but I never tried to smell her feet.
The privacy bits really made me laugh though! Some people might think it’s rude if you don’t look in and say hello. I always think that if I’m doing something I don’t want others to see, I probably should go do it in the bathroom.
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:04 am rating: 0
#26 ginger
man alive. chill. lol
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:12 am rating: 0
#27 anonymouscoworker
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:24 am rating: 0
#28 Marissa
“Remember, not everyone shares your sense of humor.”
Stewie: That coffee mug that you have on your desk… It says ‘life’s a beach’? Umm, that’s dangerously close to the word ‘bitch’, isn’t it?
Brian: Uhh, yeah. That’s the joke.
Stewie: Oh, absolutely! And nobody appreciates a joke like Stewie! And you know, between you and me, I think it’s a stitch, but some of the other employees found it offensive.
Brian: Who else works here?
Stewie: FUCK YOU! THAT’S WHO WORKS HERE!
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:28 am rating: +1
#29 jules
And here’s one for you, Jacinda, with half your body in the cube! (tee-heee)
“Please only insert your head and one shoulder in the cube when looking for someone. 5 seconds should be sufficient when searching for someone in a cube. Do not insert your chestal area. Especially, do not lean in. This could constitute harassment, if I have to see any cleavage, intended or not. After 5 seconds, please quickly and efficiently remove your head and shoulder and be on your way, keeping eyes forward at all times. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.”
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:30 am rating: 0
#30 Vampira
Goldie: I don’t work in a cubicle but in an office where one woman feels the need to let all of us know everyone who calls her via her messages over the speaker. It never fails… And she was just out for a week!
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:36 am rating: 0
#31 Princess
Is there any chance that these notes were not written by a woman? I have yet to run across a man that would do something like this
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:49 am rating: 0
#32 Writer, Rejected
Once a long time ago, when I worked in a cubicle, this weird guy named Frank, who was about 50 yeras old and whose mother had recently died, would sometimes lie down under my desk. I’d come back from a meeting or lunch, and he’d be there, unapologetically.
And I’d say, “Um, Frank, you have to leave now.” And he would get up and leave without saying anything. Now, while I don’t support overly strict cubicle rules, I thought the dude was going too far, and I pretty much took it as a cry for help. I told someone in HR that he was apparently heading toward the edge, in danger of slipping over, maybe depressed or just incredibly sleepy.
Ultimately, the company had to let him go, and I felt kind of bad. Like I should have kept my mouth shut and put a pillow down for him because he wasn’t really hurting anyone, and he only did it when I stepped out. Later I found out that they fired him for a whole bunch of cubicle infractions, including harrassing the secretary in our group (who was also in a cubicle).
So, maybe (just maybe) there’s a way that the cubicle police/passive-aggressive-note writer has a point. If you can’t follow commonsensical office rules (keep your shoes on, no smelly tuna, no poking around in other people’s offices, no loud music, no confidential company reports for all to see), maybe you don’t belong in a cubie. Though, I stick to my opinion that *not looking in a cubicle* is cruel and unreasonable. (I like to look.)
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:52 am rating: 0
#33 Andy
Writer, Rejected:
Exactly my point. When it gets to the stage that you have to leave notes, you have to realize that the violators have no clue they are the guilty parties.
I don’t mind if someone glances my way when they pass by, but if they’re going to take a long gander, then they get to chip in for all of my porn fees. Freeloaders.
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:57 am rating: 0
#34 a happier girl
My favorite is that this person thinks a cubicle is a private area. If it’s so private, why isn’t there a door on it. Because it’s not.
Jul 17, 2007 at 11:58 am rating: 0
#35 Hexamillion
All that etiquette is just rude!
Jul 17, 2007 at 12:02 pm rating: 0
#36 Patty O. Furniture
Why do “sights” matter if you aren’t supposed to be looking into other’s cubicles as you walk by?
Jul 17, 2007 at 12:24 pm rating: 0
#37 Elaina
On a side note, lets talk about pure laziness. In our cubicle colony here, we have an obesely large woman who finds it too much of an imposition to stand up and walk 4 cubicles down-a-straight-line to get to the printer for our call center… no no–instead– she ROLLS her beautiful bean footage down to the printer (conveniently located directly behind MY cubie). Lovely. this happens about 15 times a day b/c she’s prints EVERY email she gets. whatta tree killer :o(
Jul 17, 2007 at 12:37 pm rating: 0
#38 Andy
“Beautiful bean footage”. LOL
Jul 17, 2007 at 12:44 pm rating: 0
#39 August
I have not yet entered into the cubicle workforce. Still stuck in college, but these posters remind me of so many peppy RA’s in the dorm. Yes, you can post all that crap, doesn’t mean I care!
Jul 17, 2007 at 1:03 pm rating: 0
#40 Addicted to MCR
Off Topic! (Sorry!)
I’m addicted to MyCrazyRoommate.com and the blog just became invite only! Can someone please invite me??? Really, this (and PAN.com) are all that get me through the day sometimes!
Thanks!
Jul 17, 2007 at 1:13 pm rating: 0
#41 jules
The “beautiful bean footage” comment was priceless! I nearly choked on my tuna sammich.
Jul 17, 2007 at 1:16 pm rating: 0
#42 Andy
Jules: Tuna? In your cubicle? *points to sign*
Jul 17, 2007 at 1:26 pm rating: 0
#43 GhostWriter
Today’s Winners (so far)
Elaina - for bean footage
Marissa- for Stewie
My entry-
Dear Dr. Phil,
I am a new-hire, working in a cubicle, and up to now, no real problems. But the lady in the next cube put up a bunch of signs, and they seem to be causing me to unintentionally do the very things she is complaining about!
I used to ignore her and her productions, but ever since she demanded privacy, I cannot help but listen in on her conversations, and whenever I walk by her cube, I unintentionally and forced to peek in, just to see what all the fuss is about.
…and it’s all about nothing- all that I ever see is her, glaring right back at me, as if to say, “Did you not read my notes?!?!”
Another note instructs us not to take off our shoes, but whenever I think about it, my feet start itching and/or cramping, so I try to slip them off secretly, but don’t you know, she always walks by and spots me!
What can I do?
Jul 17, 2007 at 1:43 pm rating: 0
#44 Candice
Why are “SMELLS” and “NOISE” in quotations but Privacy and Sights are not? Also, in the Privacy section, the note writer spelled “neighbor” with and without a “u”. Could it be an American immigrant who can’t make up their mind about whether to use the American or Canadian/UK spelling?
Jul 17, 2007 at 2:00 pm rating: 0
#45 bintgoddess
The “Noise” one should have been titled “Sounds” in order to maintain proper parallelism with the “Sights” and “Smells”. And where is the “Tastes” sign? Where are the… um.. “Feels”?
My favorite part is the smelly clip-art. Is that thing a lemon? Popcorn is definitely the most annoying office smell in the world because it permeates every corner of the office and smells so good, but the popper never shares, and the half a bag that remains uneaten doesn’t smell so good the next day.
Does anyone actually use screensavers that make sound anymore? Didn’t we all get past that in, say, 1995?
Jul 17, 2007 at 2:09 pm rating: 0
#46 Sue
I hate signs, but I have to admit that I’ve had to use them with one particular co-worker in the past who refused to respect my personal space. He regularly would stand IN my cubicle (even while I’m sitting there!) in order to talk with my neighbor, and even sit on the edge of my cubicle desktop while I’m trying to work. WTF? Twice I asked him directly to stop doing this. After the third time, I rigged up a long piece of duct tape with a sign that said “This is a Dave-Free Area” and strung it across the entrance. I mean, some folks really DON’T get the hint! (Actually, he’s started encroaching again lately, so I may have to get the sign out again…)
By the way, I don’t consider that passive-aggressive because I did speak with him directly several times before taking drastic measures.
Jul 17, 2007 at 2:14 pm rating: 0
#47 Sue
I worked in one building that banned all “smelly” foods from being microwaved. Popcorn, seafood, etc.
Actually, what’s worse than popcorn is BURNT popcorn.
Jul 17, 2007 at 2:17 pm rating: 0
#48 the sos
Sometimes a loud talker can be a nice distraction in cubicle hell. I used to have a real beotch of a coworker who would call her husband up and rip him three new ones on a regular basis. All of my coworkers and I would start emailing each other regarding various phrases she’d use to belittle him until finally, we just couldn’t resist the temptation to congregate in the next closest cube to share the hilarity of her bitching out her husband for sleeping until 9 am. Hello, crazy much?
Jul 17, 2007 at 2:19 pm rating: 0
#49 Writer, Rejected
I agree with Bintgoddess and Sue: office popcorn warrants a nasty, misspelled, misquotational passive aggressive note any day of the week.
Jul 17, 2007 at 2:27 pm rating: 0
#50 Jacques
I don’t know if there’s a way to avoid it, but eating at the desk is the bane of my existence. I was working helpdesk a few years ago, and I got a call to a gent’s cube. He had just gone out and gotten a filet o’ fish from McD’s and had opened it and was putting on whatever sauce they give you with that noxious smelling square crap. I almost threw up a few times in his cube, and couldn’t avoid touching his mouse and keyboard. Gross.
Jul 17, 2007 at 3:56 pm rating: 0
#51 Nostalgia
I remember that lady with the perfume allergy. One whiff and she was off sick for the rest of the week or longer. Then, there was that fellow with the feet… To this day, I avoid corn chips like the plague.
Jul 17, 2007 at 5:50 pm rating: 0
#52 Lily
I love the drum on the “noise” poster. Here is what I am going to do to rebel against this bitchalicious office cop. I am going to bring a drum in and pound on it whilst having a gab session about other people’s personal conversations that I overheard and forgot to forget about. Then I am going to make myself some well-done popcorn and throw them at the office cop, with a boombox on my shoulder blasting one woman’s music, another woman’s “noise”.
And, then of course, take off my rosy smelling Choo’s and put my feet up to surf some non-work related websites. Oh, and then take a gander at everyone’s workstation by taking a leisurely walk to this ridonkulous bulletin board and ripping all these bullshit posters down!
Jul 17, 2007 at 7:22 pm rating: 0
#53 Wry Exchange
She probably eats tuna and popcorn as she types up these notes. After all, she is in her ‘private space.’
Jul 17, 2007 at 8:23 pm rating: 0
#54 Melody
I hate the when people try to sound smart and incorrectly use “big” words. Like “pungent” in this case. It doesn’t mean “stink”. It simply means “having a strong taste or smell”. Just say stink, for god’s sake.
Jul 18, 2007 at 12:57 am rating: 0
#55 Lovecarrots
“Remember, not everyone shares your sense of humour.”
Subtext.
“I don’t get your sense of humour because I don’t have one.”
I also loved the smells one… that thing that looks like a cartoon of Princess Leia seen from behind, is that meant to be a perfume bottle?
Jul 18, 2007 at 3:45 am rating: 0
#56 Brown
I was once called as a witness in a grievance against an old boss. Several of us were allegedly directed by the boss to harass this woman in her cubicle. I actually walked by her cubicle “in a very cavilier manner” and a few minutes later walked back the other way lauging and grinning. How dare!… Part of my job was installing software on desktop PCs, and the printer was on a counter just outside of grievance girl’s cubicle. Of course, the investigators found no evidence of harassment.
Jul 18, 2007 at 4:49 am rating: 0
#57 Beppo
We had a guy who would microwave pork rinds. Man, did that stink.
There’s this lady who sits near me whose son is 19 years old and living on his own in San Francisco. I’m always overhearing her phone conversations as she wires him money or is worried sick because she hasn’t heard from him in two months (he seems like kind a jerk to me, but I’ve never met him).
This is a snippet of conversation I heard last year:
“He’s got what? Thrush? What the hell is thrush? How does a 19 year old boy in San Francisco get thrush?”
I just about bit my tongue off trying not to laugh, and of course all of my coworkers are, like, from Squaresville, baby, so they had no idea why I was chortling so hard.
Jul 18, 2007 at 5:19 am rating: 0
#58 someone
recently the bathroom at work (single, no stalls) was reeking of someone’s farts and/or loose stool. so an anonymous gifter brought a bottle of spray air freshener and left it quietly on the back of the toilet.
then a note appeared on the mirror: “some people have allergies and that spray air freshener can cause problems for us. please reconsider.” i was so inclined to write on the note, “well, i’m allergic to the smell of SHIT so what are you gonna do?”
Jul 18, 2007 at 6:18 am rating: 0
#59 Tarn
Ack! You just can’t win, can you, someone?
My office has two toilets per floor, opening dfirectly on to the stairwell. So if someone takes a stinky crap, the whole stairwell stinks. This happens most mornings. I often have to hold my breath when I come in. Ugh! Allergies be damned, sometimes you NEED that airfreshener.
The only problem is, the smelly crappers never USE the damn stuff…….
Jul 18, 2007 at 7:38 am rating: 0
#60 Trickster
If something is private, don’t take a pic of it and put it on public display in your cubicle! How hard can that be? And IF you take a pic of something and frame it and put it in your cubicle, it is obviously ment to be seen.
The Privacy and Sights signs are really conflicting, because I am not even supposed to pretend that anyone elses cubilces even exist, so how can I then complain about whats IN that cubicle, without giving myself away as the cubicle stalker that I am, constantly glansing into other peoples private areas and checking out the pics of their pets?
Jul 18, 2007 at 7:53 am rating: 0
#61 Elaina
At least you dont have the notorious floor pooper… she comes in every few months and craps on the back of the toilet or on the floor behind the pot and leaves her putrid log to stink up the bathroom and be discovered by unsuspecting victims who waited till the last minute to pee and cant run away! GOD I hate this office!
Jul 18, 2007 at 7:55 am rating: 0