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Martyr complex much?

July 19th, 2007 · 79 comments

Sometimes, a little complaining is necessary.

I don't complain

(Submitted by Jeremiah in Little Rock, Arkansas.)


FILED UNDER: Arkansas · cleaning · dishes · dogs · martyr complex · money · roommates · shit

79 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Dave Ward

    Good thing Josh doesn’t complain.

    Jul 19, 2007 at 11:43 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #2   Ingrid

    That is an awful lot of not complaining, but it seems like he has the roommates from hell.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 12:28 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

  • #3   Dave/Bellingham

    If only not complaining were an Olympic event.

    But seriously those roommates sound f’ing awful. Why the hell weren’t you complaining before, Josh? Especially the pee thing, yikes.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 12:48 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #4   Rachel

    It sounds to me like even with the defecating and chewing, the puppies are more well-behaved than the roommates.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 1:02 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

  • #5   tellos

    …. ouch … I think he should complain a bit..though… it might help…

    Jul 20, 2007 at 1:11 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #6   Jason G.

    (submitted by jeremiah in little rock, arkansas.)

    Let me just fix that up for you right quick, Jeremiah:

    (submitted by jeremiah, son of billy “zeke” ray, born in that there ol’ tin shed just ’bout 3 miles west of the ol’ outhouse what belong to the McCracken family back ‘fore Pops McCracken sole the place to some dang carpetbagger to pay fer his di-vorce from poor Jeannie Louise, in little rock, arkansas.)

    There! That’s better. And also one of the kinder ways I can think of to explain how a man could grow up to be less continent than PUPPIES.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 1:19 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #7   the anatomist


    When you get a puppy you expect a little damage. It goes with the territory. Maybe Josh should move his $10,000 rug until the puppies are housetrained?

    Josh should also kick out his lameass rooomies and get some new ones in before he goes mental with a chainsaw or something.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 1:36 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #8   caitlin

    It sounds like Josh is well-off enough to live without roomies? Maybe a $10,000 rug could be exchanged for, say, his own apartment?

    Jul 20, 2007 at 2:19 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #9   P

    I think this passive-aggressive note should go on a website for incompetent human beings. I also agree with Caitlin though. I also think I should stop before this turns into passive aggressive comment ;)

    Jul 20, 2007 at 2:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   ..........................................

    Those people should be kicked out. It’s so terrible that I wonder if the note is made up so as to get on this blog?

    Jul 20, 2007 at 2:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #11   Nattie

    His housemates do ALL THAT, and he’s worried about a bit of dog shit? Methinks he needs to get his priorities sorted.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 3:34 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #12   Andy

    $10,000 rug, hire maids to clean. Numerous puppies. Wild parties with white-trash likelies. Random sex in random beds.

    You know what? Is Paris Hilton one of the offending roomies? Oooooh!

    Jul 20, 2007 at 3:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   Simster

    I am pretty sure that it is the accumulation of ‘not complaining’ such as the extensive list above that results in eventual mass homicide.
    If I were the room mates, I would take this as a sign that he is about to snap and start planning to move out before they wake up to him weilding a long, pointy knife and screaming “I’M NOT COMPLAINING!”

    Jul 20, 2007 at 4:14 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #14   Brown

    Joshy-boy needs to kick the roommates out, and play The Pogues Modern World ( over and over as they vacate the premises…or maybe just this part “get the fuck out fast”

    Jul 20, 2007 at 5:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   jeneria

    I honestly expected this to be a letter from a parent to the kids. Who else would put up with this kind of treatment? Kick the damn roommates out. Clearly money’s not an issue if the writer can afford $800 a month in utilities.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 5:12 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #16   Rich C

    Where does a person get a $10,000 rug?

    The roomies do sound like the worst possible, but I’m really fixated on the rug……

    Jul 20, 2007 at 5:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   Writer, Rejected

    Well ,maybe St. Josh *should* start opening his mouth and asking that things be done a little bit differently around that hell house. (For starters, train those frigging curtain-shitting dogs. How is that even possible?)

    Team Open Your Mouth.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 5:59 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #18   kelmeister

    I thought Josh was a dad, and he was writing this to his kids! HAHAHAHA.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 6:00 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #19   The Fresh Cracker

    I’m also for team OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

    I would’ve done a lot of complaining at the first sign of pee on the floor.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 6:00 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #20   Rich

    “I know you didn’t ask for puppies” betrays an interesting story from the other side, I bet.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 6:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #21   little voice

    Rich wrote what popped into my mind right from the first. Who owns the puppies? Enquiring minds want to know!

    Jul 20, 2007 at 6:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   PatHMV

    To: Josh
    From: John & T.J.

    Dude, we didn’t complain when we found your limp spine gathering dust bunnies under the sofa, but is it too much for us to ask that you at least take your balls out of the jar where they’ve been festering in the back corner of the fridge for the past 2 years and put them back where they belong?

    Thanks! :-)

    Jul 20, 2007 at 7:24 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #23   ginger

    man alive, kick them roommates out

    Jul 20, 2007 at 7:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #24   GhostWriter

    Josh is the well-off uncle of 20-year-olds John and “T-Money”, who asked to stay with him, “…until they get their money-making scheme off the ground.” Well, it’s been six months, and so far their two-man trained dog act has only succeeded in getting the b!tch pregnant (btw- Uncle Josh offered to spay her six months ago…) In fact, the only money they’ve been able to raise is by turning the place into a pay-per-view party house with a cover charge (smoking outside – sex in the back bedrooms) while Josh is out of town on business.

    Josh doesn’t know it yet, but T-Money swapped out the family heirloom rug for a side-of-the-road knock-off and a case of Yukon Jack about three weeks ago. You can stop worrying about cleaning it, Josh.

    Final note: Yes, they call their dog act “The Aristocrats”

    Jul 20, 2007 at 7:30 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #25   Wry Exchange

    If the ‘kids’ leave the doors open, Uncle Josh won’t have to worry about the puppies much longer…or any of his belongings.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 7:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   T-Bone

    I’m in agreement with those commentators who think that Josh apparently doesn’t need roomies. He has a maid, an $800 utility bill he can afford to pay, a $10,000 “family heirloom” rug and $2,000 curtains.

    Josh, quit being such a crybaby. Tell them to move out. Then you can stop your whining.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 7:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #27   underindecision

    I agree – kick the roommates out. If what he’s listing is actually happening…

    They pee on the floor?

    Good god, kick them out! Grow a pair!

    Jul 20, 2007 at 8:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   kostia

    He really had me on his side until the “white trash” comment. Other than that it’s all calm and (assume) factual. Way to blow it.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 8:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #29   Andy

    Wait, I just realized…

    Isn’t this note almost part of the plotline of “The Big Lebowski”?

    The Dude prevails.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 8:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   jimmyjimmyjimmyjimmykalamahoo! kalamahee! kalamabringachairplease!

    umm…he obviously is complaining now

    Jul 20, 2007 at 8:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #31   Camelai

    The way I read it, it seemed to me that Josh is the father of some adult kids who don’t want to move out or, you know, become adults. They sound horrible and disgusting, and Josh should have kicked them out long ago, kids or not.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 8:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   Psipsina

    Team Somebody-Made-This-Up-To-Get-On-This-Site.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 8:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #33   will

    Someone’s body is about to get wrapped in a ten thousand dollar rug and put in a trunk.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 8:58 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #34   sweavo

    Jeebus, sell the rug and use the money to buy some cojones! Or sell the curtains and by a really nice tazer. Taze their asses into submission. Who’s in charge here?

    Jul 20, 2007 at 9:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #35   shiggy

    If I didn’t complain as much as Josh didn’t complain, I think my wife would need to hire an attorney.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 9:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #36   rupert

    “Martyr?” Hardly.

    This is the rhetorical equivalent of shock-and-awe.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 9:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #37   agirlie

    LOL #13-I can so see that!

    Jul 20, 2007 at 9:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #38   Patty O. Furniture

    I sure as hell would complain if someone were peeing on my floor!

    Jul 20, 2007 at 9:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #39   Heather

    “I don’t complain when rent is paid three weeks late and then in some arbitrary amount.”

    For some reason, I imagine the roommate coming to Josh with, like, $177 worth of nickels in a giant jar.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 10:11 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #40   Nigel

    Josh is a whinly little bitch who should train his puppies and look for new roommates.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 10:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #41   D

    Oh, for Christ’s sake. I just rolled my eyes so hard I think I may’ve broken something.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 11:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #42   Jill

    I, too, expected this to be a letter from a parent to kids. I can’t believe he would put up with all that and then complain about dog shit on his rug. Martyr is putting it mildly…this guy is a damned doormat.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 11:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #43   MLA

    It has to be parent/uncle/grandpa to ungrateful adult children. HAS to be. Or its a sugar daddy situation. No way its just roommates.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 12:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #44   Midge

    i just think the part about assuming that the guests are “white trash” is pretty funny.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 1:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #45   Kath

    Geez, man up and kick them out already, Josh!

    Jul 20, 2007 at 2:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #46   BoggyWoggy

    If josh has put up with all of this shit for so long, he must be a co-dependent, whiny, wimpy, loser baby. A P-A letter will do absolutely nothing to change this situation.
    Instead, he needs to:
    1. hire an attorney (ha, just had to throw that in)
    2. give away the puppies
    3. go to the “balls” doctor and get some installed

    Jul 20, 2007 at 3:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #47   Willo the Wisp

    Passive-agressives are hilarious, and this is textbook. The “I don’t complain about” stuff… wow. That’s hypocritical, as the writer is indeed complaining about all of those things, and using his non-complaint in the most manipulative way. The roommates are obviously arseholes, but the passive-agressiveness pent up within this person would make me crazy.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #48   Christina

    I only wish I could read it!

    Jul 20, 2007 at 5:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #49   absolutely

    made up for this site.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 9:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #50   Deb

    Nice. I especially likes how he leaves the, “…or please move out as soon as possible” until the end. Very high road.

    Jul 20, 2007 at 11:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #51   ALA

    Josh, get off the cross…we need the wood.

    As you do so, please replace said cross with a spine, forcibly remove these leeches from your home, change the locks, have the $100,000 rug and $2000 curtains cleaned, and get professional help for your martyr complex.

    Jul 21, 2007 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #52   crankylibrarian

    1. Team Stab a bitch
    2.Then stop cleaning the dog shit. Simple!!
    3. No, I didn’t ask for puppies. I asked for a yeti. Santa’s a bitch.

    Jul 21, 2007 at 2:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #53   sh!thawk

    Christina, it says click to enlarge the note. It’s funny so it’s worth it.


    Jul 21, 2007 at 9:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #54   Indrid

    Man i feel bad for this guy.

    Jul 21, 2007 at 9:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #55   penny

    You know what Josh needs? He needs to do a drive-by slapping. It will make him feel better. Also, if he can afford $2,000 curtains, a maid, and $800 utility bill he really doesn’t need roommates, does he?

    Jul 21, 2007 at 11:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #56   Strepsi

    Josh, you lost me at “sleep with girls in my bed”… WTF?!!! I think the FIRST time that happened was the moment to skip the passive-aggressive note and go for an agressive-aggressive eviction. And the first time I found the door open and unlocked I would’ve CHANGED the locks. The first time.

    Jul 21, 2007 at 2:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #57   Walter Sobchak

    Man, that rug really really tied the room together, did it not?

    Jul 22, 2007 at 6:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #58   m

    ….team white trash?

    Jul 22, 2007 at 8:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #59   Lovecarrots

    So how come Josh has let it get to this? Setting the dogs aside, how do you get to the point were you have housemates who can’t piss in a lavatory, let alone dogs.
    The only, absolutely ONLY reason I can think of why Josh didn’t kick them out years ago is because he’s richer than them and they take him on a guilt trip about being privileged every time he tries to complain about it – well, ok, maybe they’ve got something on him.

    Clearly, he hasn’t worked out the difference between a friend and a user although I’m assuming that these guys have generously taken it upon themselves to teach him.

    So MESSAGE 1
    Josh, take the dogs to the local animal shelter for re-adoption and tell your flat mates to piss off! or to put it another way.


    Ok. The rest of you guys, what is it with the rug? What does it matter how much the rug is worth? Surely the point is that it belongs to Josh and like everything else in his apartment it’s being trashed by his flat mate’s dogs which they bought without asking, warning etc.

    Wouldn’t you feel just a teeny big crap if it was your apartment this was happening to. Oh yes and it’s an HEIRLOOM which means it’s family stuff and he can’t sell it without upsetting everyone else in his family. Badly.

    Whether or not he’s written them a whingy note, Josh’s flat mates are clearly a couple of complete bastards who should be drowned in some of the copious quantities of shit their dogs clearly produce.

    If you think rich kids are cliquey pricks who never mingle with the rest of us just look at Josh’s flat mates and ask yourself why that might be?

    So, MESSAGE 2, you can’t choose where you’re born. Coming from a rich family is not a crime neither is having decent stuff in your house.

    I thank you for allowing me this cathartic rant! Toodle-ooo people.

    Jul 23, 2007 at 12:53 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #59.1   Dog lover

      Ok, the local animal shelter = nota good idea. Many puppies get gassed. Shelters don’t like puppies, they bring parvo.

      Should have had the dog spayed in the first place. How many times do I have to fucking TELL you people????

      MAJOR SIGH!!!!!

      Aug 5, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #60   Tarn

    I’d like to hear the whole story. What is Josh to these moochers? Parent, relative, roomie, landlord?
    If I were him I’d have used the time & energy it took to write that note, to move all their stuff into a skip outside & change the locks.

    Jul 23, 2007 at 3:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #61   PatHMV

    A few commenters seem to think these puppies belong to Josh. I don’t think that’s correct. Josh got the puppies, but wants to keep them locked up in his room or somewhere (presumably, a room without $10,000 rugs), and the roommates keep letting the puppies out of that room.

    Jul 23, 2007 at 8:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #62   PatHMV

    Um, I meant a few commenters seem to think these puppies belong to the worthless roommates… oops!

    Jul 23, 2007 at 8:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #63   Nostalgia

    Roommate To-Do List:

    1) Print note.
    2) Take dump on living room floor.
    3) Use note as toilet paper.
    4) Blame it on puppies.
    5) Laugh at Josh while he cleans it up.

    Enough is enough, Josh.

    Jul 23, 2007 at 5:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #64   eli

    that doesn’t seem very passive at all… it’s pretty clear as day. sarcasm is a great way to show people you are angry. passive-aggression is a little more subtle, no?

    Jul 23, 2007 at 6:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #65   Trickster

    I kicked my roomie out. She used my stuff without asking, which I did not enjoy, and when she broke first an antique cup that she had borrowed without asking and then continued to use the remaining ones (also without asking) I packed all my china away and told her that unfortunately it wasn’t working out and she needed to move.
    You respect others things!
    1. Roommates, stop behaving like animals!
    2. Kick them out already, jeez!

    Jul 24, 2007 at 8:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #66   David

    Ehh, a $10,000 “family heirloom rug” isn’t that unusual. A hand-woven oriental rug is in my family that, had we not torn it up as kids, would be worth about that. It’s worth $3,000 even with the damage.. My grandparents probably paid $100 for it, in Asia, in the 20′s.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 8:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #67   Olivia

    Wait, so all that stuff isn’t common in a roommate?
    Damn, mine needs to go right-quick!

    lol @ the $10,000 rug. Is he serious?

    Jul 24, 2007 at 8:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #68   Kessily

    Um, am I the only one to wonder how the heck a dog can shit on a curtain??Is it like a projectile event in that house?

    Jul 26, 2007 at 11:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #69   Umm

    It’s occured to me that the piss on the floor may belong to the puppies, not the roommates…which would only make his roommates *slightly* less nasty.

    Jul 26, 2007 at 3:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #70   rob

    No, the pee on the floot is clearly from the roommates, not the puppies….otherwise it wouldn’t make sense.

    My guess, though, is that it is splashes around the toilet, not just outright taking a leak in the living room or whatever.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 7:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #71   kitchen wish list

    [...] josh says he doesn’t complain about “picking up the house just a little so that i don’t feel like a complete ass when the maids come.” if you’re lucky enough to have paid household help, do you do the same? [...]

    Aug 13, 2007 at 8:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #72   Mishee

    WHOA! Until I re-read that note, I thought it was from a Mother to her CHILDREN! WOW!! Great note Josh! I love the repetivness of it… it’s almost like a Poem!

    Aug 14, 2007 at 5:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #73   Shane

    That’s some explosive or projectile dog sh!t. I’m guessing the dog backs up to the window, does a handstand, and lets it fly. Even if they are floor length curtains, my dog usually lets gravity take her poo straight to the ground.

    I’m thinkin Letterman, stupid pet tricks.

    Sep 17, 2007 at 12:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #74   it always comes down to the toilet paper

    [...] martyr complex much? [...]

    Jan 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #75   lynsay

    this guy kinda turns me on.
    is that weird.

    Mar 14, 2008 at 9:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #76   Alie

    Step 1) Remove head from ass
    Step 2) Remove roommates from house
    Step 3) Take your $4, 386,628 -or whatever it’s worth- rug to the cleaners.
    Step 4) Get laid.

    The End.
    (Trust me, you’ll thank me. )

    Apr 18, 2008 at 4:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #77   bobby

    1. Sounds like he IS complaining.
    2. There’s no way that rug costs $10,000.

    Jul 14, 2008 at 1:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #78   I can feel your teeth clenching from here |

    [...] I don’t complain. [...]

    Mar 22, 2011 at 7:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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