Demotivationals

July 24th, 2007 · 33 comments

An anonymous submitter in Jersey writes, “these ‘motivational signs’ are posted up in the copy room. I guess we’re supposed to pause and reflect upon whether we’re performing to the best of our abilities while waiting for our packets to cycle through the copier. All that the second one is missing is the ‘…shall we?’”

Some mistakes are hard to fix. Be careful, not sorry. Some jobs are hard to pass along. We miss you when you're away.

Deadlines are important. Let's meet them.

And all the first one needs is a little extra oomph…

MISTAKES

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · New Jersey · office


33 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Talula0658

    What, is the 2nd one saying, “So don’t take a vacation?” Because that’s how it comes off. Yuck.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 8:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Tara

    Sooo…never mess up and never take a vacation. Sounds like a stress-free work environment to me!

    The deadlines one is kind of a no-brainer, but all of them have this rather conceited tone to them that would inspire rage/vandalism in me.

    Yikes.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 8:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Yak Boy

    The “mistakes” one sounds like a family planning slogan. I think the poster at the bottom should have a picture of a fourteen-year old girl holding a baby.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 8:55 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Lauren_Says

    i often equate making mistakes at work to a shipwreck that probably killed a bunch of people.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 9:06 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   S.S.

    Sounds like a great place to work, treating employees like kindergarten children and encouraging them not to take a vacation, because Lord knows the place will fall apart if the girl that delivers the files every morning decides to take a week off. I wonder what they do to pregnant employees…ask them to keep their hormones in check and to deliver with as little disruption to the company as possible.

    Darling.

    Jul 24, 2007 at 10:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   iaresmart

    I believe the poster with the shipwreck originally said “It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.” Its one of my favorites from despair.com

    Jul 24, 2007 at 11:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Lovecarrots

    I think if I worked there, like the person with the cheese and pickle sandwiches featured earlier on in the week, I would have to start leaving piss take versions of my own “motivational” posters…

    Iaresmart, I too love despair.com – my favourite being “if you can’t learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly!”

    Pretty sound life motto I’d say.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 2:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   ALA

    I also love despair.com! My favorite is the Bittersweet candies–the little Valentines hearts but with messages like “aim lower” and “prenup okay?”
    http://despair.com/bittersweets.html

    Jul 25, 2007 at 5:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Writer, Rejected

    I guess it depends on what kind of work bulletin board this is. It takes a different meaning if it’s a brain surgeon’s lounge vs. an insurance agency lunch room, right? Wouldn’t it be ironic, too, if it WERE an actual steam room aboard an ocean liner? “Be careful, not sorry.” Don’t sink the ship, worker babies.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 6:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   GhostWriter

    …and the author of the notes is:

    Mistakes – a local Mafioso, informing his victims that missing a payment can be “sorrowful”.
    Miss You – the same Mafioso, pointing out that taking a vacation does not excuse you from your monthly shake-down.
    Deadlines – same Mafioso again, who forgot to add, “…or you’ll meet my friend Sal”

    Jul 25, 2007 at 7:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Brett

    I didn’t get the feeling that the Miss You had to do with vacation, but rather with sick days.

    Still, F-off. If I’m sick, it’s not your business if I take a sick day. If I’m not sick? Still not your business. Sheesh.

    I think if I worked there I’d be more inclined towards a suicide day.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   T-Bone

    All of those “motivational” signs seem quite sinister to me.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Camelai

    I agree with Brett on the subject of sick and/or vacation days. Damn, but whoever posted that one had some balls.
    I took off early one day at work, and one of my coworkers (whom I dislike greatly) told me “you can’t really take sick time unless you’re actually sick.”
    My thought was, “That’s odd, because I think I did.” What I do with my sick/vacation days is my business, and that’s it.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 11:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Fraulein N

    Damn, that is one depressing little copy room. There’s something about the font that just screams “Home-Ec circa 1974.”

    Jul 25, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Office GermWarfare Warrior

    I found the best ones maybe order a few and replace the “Motivational” ones and see how the moral boosts! http://despair.com/viewall.html

    I have GOALS http://despair.com/goals.html in my cube it really is a big lift when dealing with some of my coworkers to read it…

    Jul 25, 2007 at 11:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Sim Mom

    Now I think I’ve been out of the business job force for too long. I dread the day when I have to give up my day job (stay at home mom) and go back into some soul-sucking place like this, where some dumbass suckup posts these signs.

    I love despair.com, too. I would love to (anonymously) slip one of their posters into this office’s copy room.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 12:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Daniel Hoffmann-Gill

    Someone needs a punch in the ass…

    Jul 25, 2007 at 1:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Sharona

    All they need now is one that says, “Getting cancer drives up the cost of insurance for everyone.”

    Jul 25, 2007 at 2:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Strideo

    On Brett’s comment: if you’re sick and you take a sick day then fine. If you’re not sick and you take a sick day just because you don’t feel like going to work and you make some other poor sap have to cover for you then you’re a douche bag. :(

    Jul 25, 2007 at 2:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   jan

      What if you’re sick of work?

      Jan 15, 2008 at 10:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Joanna

    LOL @ Sharona

    Jul 25, 2007 at 2:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Writer, Rejected

    I second the punch in the ass. Perfectly put.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 9:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Marie

    I’ve seen something similar to that “we miss you when you’re gone” slogan on a safety poster at work. It’s intended to mean “don’t get injured at work” rather than don’t be sick or take a vacation.

    Though I agree that the “deadlines” sign is worthy of a punch in the ass.

    Jul 25, 2007 at 9:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Collaroy

    Oooh, I love dumbass motivational signs. To me, they are a source of constant merriment. Why o why do I have to work in an office where no-one is stuck-up enough to come up with those things? Everyone is so boringly normal around here.

    @ Yak Boy- I’m with you, the 14-year old mom would have been an even better idea.

    Jul 26, 2007 at 6:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Brett

    Strideo – then you work in a shitty office that doesn’t understand the concept of mental health. Look, I’m not saying take a sick day when you have a deadline, or a project looming, or to slough your work off on someone else. But my officemates seem to understand that sometimes one can’t take being there, and nobody says a word. Maybe you need to take a personal day with the classifieds if your office is so full of douchebaggery. Shrug.

    Jul 26, 2007 at 6:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   joebec

    that last one just makes me think of “titanic” and i want to go punch someone in the face. God, i hated that movie!

    Jul 26, 2007 at 9:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Andy

    Bleah.

    Signs like this are most likely written by the same people who walk around with a zombified smile all of the time, and can’t understand how you aren’t in a constant state of euphoria in work.

    Sign me up for Team Punch Ass. Or is it Ass Punch? No, that’s silly. My ass can’t punch, or can it? Hmmm….

    Jul 26, 2007 at 5:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   rupert

    The last one is from (hover on the link):

    http://despair.com/

    Which is a whole site dedicated to demotivation posters. Recommended site IMO. I don’t think the topic post meant to imply that one was found on-site, but rather it deserved professional treatment like from despair.com

    YMMV

    I think I saw the first 2 in the context of “losing an arm in a press” some years ago, probably metal shop in High school. In a copy room, its stupid. In a metal fabrication shop it makes a little more (obvious) sense.

    Jul 27, 2007 at 7:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   G-man

    The sinking ship addition……well done monfrere…well done.

    Jul 28, 2007 at 10:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   BoggyWoggy

    The only sign that would enhance this collection is that stupid, “You’ve apparently mistaken m as someone who gives a damn,” crap folks hung on their desks a few years back. They thought it was funny…

    One other idea? Put some of these stupid slogans on t-shirts and sell them at Target! Oh, wait, someone already thought of that…

    Jul 28, 2007 at 5:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Dr. Nona

    The rhythm of the first two is vaguely like a haiku. Hmmm.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 7:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Down10

    That deadlines one needs the “O RLY?” owl underneath it.

    Aug 13, 2007 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Mrs. Bender

    These remind me of the sign that Homer Simpson is faced with every day at the Nuclear Power Plant – “DON’T FORGET: YOU’RE HERE FOREVER” – I agree with T-Bone that they are “sinister” and almost scary!

    Aug 22, 2007 at 1:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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