Rules for thieves

August 1st, 2007 · 23 comments

“Apparently our growing satellite office has some food thieves,” says an anonymous submitter in Ontario.

Rules for thieves

FILED UNDER: Canada · e-mail · food · office · office fridge · Ontario · reverse psychology · sarcasm · stealing


23 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Ang

    Ah. Refreshingly humorous! I like this one – if I got this at work, I wouldn’t be annoyed, I’d laugh my ass off. If it was strident and whiney I would be really aggravated, so I think this was a particularly clever use of passive aggressive email.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 6:53 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Andy

    That’s great! See, more you know, the more you grow.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 7:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   ian

    The sarcasm makes this one a classic of the genre.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 7:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   GhostWriter

    I wanted to love it, but I’m just confused. What does it really mean? “Don’t eat more than half of the total…” and “never finish any food.” Are these rules sarcastic suggestions for food-stealers, or comments on how the fridge is piling up with near-empty tupperware?

    …and if Rule #1 is usually followed, why mention it? Our office doesn’t open sealed packages!?! What does that MEAN??

    I must be movin’ kinda slow today….

    Aug 1, 2007 at 7:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Dog lover

      I totally agree.
      It’s kind of like the author started on a reverse psychology sarcastic funny idea, but it only worked for thef irst rule. The rest seem forced and don’t really flow as well. Don’t fit the concept really.

      Aug 4, 2008 at 8:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Vampira

    Seems like some of the sarcastic complaints are towards the fridge users and not the thieves. Weird note. Anyways, Team Leaves Little Bits of Food in Tupperware in Your Office Fridge.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 7:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   wry exchange

    Oh, the time I would waste at work there thinking up clarification questions. What fun!

    Aug 1, 2007 at 7:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   little voice

    I am a big fan of sarcasm. This is a 4 star note!

    Aug 1, 2007 at 8:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   will

    Go Team Thieves!

    Aug 1, 2007 at 9:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   julia

    Thumbs up for the writer of this one! But one must wonder… will the offending persons be sharp enough to understand sarcasm, grasp the message, and thus change their behavior? My money’s on “no.”

    Aug 1, 2007 at 9:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Willow

    GhostWriter – #4 can still be advice to thieves. I ended up leaving a note once at my office which requested that if people were going to finish my milk they at least throw out the carton so I knew I had to buy more BEFORE I made coffee. (which I did not self-submit here, thanksverymuch)

    Aug 1, 2007 at 10:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Andy

    julia: I agree, you’ll probably not reach the offending parties with those messages, but a lot of the time, these messages/notes/signs are more a stress relief for people. I think that’s why we can see extremes at times, which makes them more enjoyable.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 10:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   WhizGidget

    The sarcasm in that was just dripping, like leftover melted cheese off stolen enchiladas.

    Speaking of, I once brought such to the office (leftovers from dinner the previous night) and they vanished along with the container I brought them in. I left a note asking if the container could be returned.

    The next day the container was in the kitchen, freshly washed with a note that said “Thank you for lunch, sorry I had to steal it but it smelled good”

    So my advice for the original note writer is to mention something about opening containers to smell them (probably to figure out if someone spiked something benign with pepper sauce).

    Aug 1, 2007 at 10:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Lisa

    once upon a time I had a pint of ice cream in a shared freezer, clearly marked with my name, death threats, etc. there was a thief who very carefully scraped an even layer off the top of my ice cream once a night for about a week.

    once I misspelled thief in a spelling bee.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Writer, Rejected

    I think this note is a great concept, but it’s not executed as sharply as it could have been. I agree with others that the rules are too similar and are confusing, as if she couldn’t quite hold her sarcasm throughout the entire note. She needed a comedy writer on this one. I say, Team Thieves (also a hard word to spell).

    Aug 1, 2007 at 12:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Zsa

    I give it a B+ The writer could have gone into painfully vivid detail about the feelings of loss after finding an empty, dirty container where lunch used to be.
    I however, find the thought of opening my tupperware and finding only two bites left of my lunch horrifying. Scathingly, starving my unborn child, agressive-agressive note-worthy.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 2:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Erin

    There is no food so compelling that would cause me to eat something not my own out of a shared fridge at work. People who steal food must have balls so big they have trouble walking.

    Aug 1, 2007 at 5:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   jay

    shared fridge = lunch thief = germ farm roulette
    I’d say there is a cold sore in someones future

    Aug 1, 2007 at 7:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   jules

    ewwww. Hard to follow that thought.

    I have to agree with Erin. I have never, ever thought of taking someone’s food! Even if it didn’t have a name or death threats. It just seems so wrong.
    Am I normal?

    Aug 1, 2007 at 8:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   grute

    Very nice. Maximum P/A

    Aug 2, 2007 at 4:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Steph

    “Eating somebody else’s food, if done improperly, can cause undeserired feelings in the owner.” – best passive aggressive phrase in a while

    Aug 5, 2007 at 1:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Amelie

    Foraging. Just like a bear. Somebody used the thesauuuuuruuussss.

    Aug 6, 2007 at 11:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   longbow

    when i was in the military, we had an open container policy, if there was an open container of anything out on someones desk and it was ungaurded, it was fair game

    made you watch your 6 a lot more

    Aug 27, 2007 at 4:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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