Extremely loud and incredibly close quarters

August 6th, 2007 · 70 comments

Amy in Seattle says her favorite part of the note is the children (Please, think of the children!) but I was most impressed by the use of both “being effected” and “being impacted” in a single sentence. Those loud, “vulgar-related” noises might, in fact, be the sound of English teachers around the world crying out in agony.

Vulgar related?

Then there’s this one, from William over at lowercase l. It was slipped into his mailbox in Brooklyn by a neighbor several years (and girlfriends) ago. considering the awkwardness of the situation, I find it’s actually quite civil. It’s interesting, though, how people feel the need to give elaborate, vaguely scientific justifications (the acoustical properties of the windows, REM sleep) for why they don’t want to hear you getting it on.

FILED UNDER: Brooklyn · neighbors · Seattle · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police


70 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jenny

    Love these! Wow. I’m sure the “extremely loud and vulgar related noise” prompted a much-needed conversation on sex ed for the poor kiddies.

    Aug 6, 2007 at 8:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Writer, Rejected

    I loved the book “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.” But anyway I think Nancy has written one of the nicest passive-aggressive notes yet. I like that she is sex-positive and commends the offendering sex partners for having such a great time together, while asking them politely to keep it down. Classy.

    Aug 6, 2007 at 8:39 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   jessie

    Vulgar related. Fantastic.

    Aug 6, 2007 at 8:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Sue Doe Nim

    effected?

    I believe affected is the word they were looking for.

    Aug 6, 2007 at 9:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Hmmm....

    yeah, affected. morons.

    Aug 6, 2007 at 10:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   magpie

    nancy wrote the word “sex” with a lot of oomph. go nancy!

    Aug 6, 2007 at 10:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   MB

    I suggest that the only reason these people are complaining is because they’re not getting any. C’mon start a sex-noise war and drown out whatever your neighbours are doing. Then everyone’s happy!

    Aug 6, 2007 at 11:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   BoggyWoggy

    I guess Nancy was justified. I mean, how in the world could you actually approach another person directly with this problem?
    Me: Hi. I’m ______ and I live next door.
    Them: Hi. Nice to meet you.
    Me: Um, someone in the building is making loud, humping noises in the morning. Have you guys heard it? Does it keep you awake, too?
    Them: Uh, um, er,
    Me: Bye, bye!

    Aug 7, 2007 at 12:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Mat

    When I was living in a student hall a long time ago, I was mistaken as the origin of sex related noises… I didn’t get any complaint but some kind of undeserved admiration from all the chaps in the building… The myth probably died when I moved out and the noises remained !! Wasn’t a sex god after all ! ;o)

    Aug 7, 2007 at 2:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Arienna

    The bedrooms in my old apartment were right on top of each other. I used to get awakened at 3 am by this… really awful, loud, beastial sounding sex. The banging of the bed, the headboard, was pretty standard, but the kind of -noises- this woman made… o.o It would’ve really annoyed me except it only happened, like, once a month.

    . . .

    So I started slipping “Congratulations on Your Achievement” cards under their door after each.. encounter. Proving once again that Hallmark really -does- make one for every occasion.

    (It relieved my agitation over the situation and worked quite well, right up until they opened the door one morning while I was leaving the little token of my appreciation. Uhm.)

    Aug 7, 2007 at 3:19 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Bri.

      what *happened*???

      Aug 4, 2008 at 10:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   ginger

    yrs ago my an ex boyf had a flatmate who hated me. he would opnehis bedroom door in the middle of the night& scream ” ican hear you” sometimes we weren’t actually having sex when he shouted it. lol

    Aug 7, 2007 at 3:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Elphaba

    I think Writer has it right. Nancy has one of the nicest notes I’ve seen, I dont know if its something about her hand writing or what, but the tone of the note just seems so honest and almost cordial!

    Aug 7, 2007 at 4:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Justin

    Dunno if this is the situation for it, but implying that you masturbated to the sex sounds would probably get ‘em to give you some peace. Possibly a piece. So it’s win-win. Bonus points if you breathe heavily when you pass them in the hallway.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 4:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Lauren_Says

    “prevent your neighbors and the rest of the building from being impacted”? are we sure they are talking about people and not molars?

    Aug 7, 2007 at 4:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Sara

    Team REM.

    I had a neighbor who did this once. I didn’t sleep for months. I would even pound on the wall separating our apartments and yell “shut up!” But that didn’t seem to dissuade her from her screaming fake orgasms.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 5:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Asifiwould

    I empathize. One day when the parents were away I had a neighbours son have loud and uninhibited sex with their girlfriend who screamed “you are so horny” and other stuff on and off for hours on end. Normally I would just turn on music to drown it out but it was a religious (jewish) holiday and I couldnt. That being said I did leave a rather nasty (anonymous but he must have known) note telling him that noone in the building was interesting in hearing him and his girlfriend have sex and as a side note she was so ridiculous about the whole thing she must have been faking it.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 5:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Max Roswell

    Frankly, if I got a note complaining that I was making my girlfriend scream too loud during sex, I’d do my best to get it posted on the internet, too. I’d probably had out photocopies to my friends.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 5:32 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   southern girl

    LMFAO to the above comment! (M Roswell)

    Aug 7, 2007 at 5:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Jeff

    I hate when vulgar related noises effect me!

    Aug 7, 2007 at 6:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Sydney

    Awwww bless Nancy. I’d be happy to revieve a note like that… not least coz it would mean i’m finally getting some ;)

    Aug 7, 2007 at 6:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Jededalus

    That’s hilarious #10.

    My wife and I have also been “effected” by various vulgar-related noises in the apartment above us. The first few times it happened it was kinda hot, and we were inspired to, um, compete with them. After a month or so though, we were pretty pissed off about being continually woken up at 2 and 3 am, and finally complained, only the couple vehemently denied it and would give us dirty looks whenever we passed each other. They quieted down, though.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 6:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   T-Bone

    Yeah, I’d bake Nancy some cookies as a peace offering.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 6:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   T-Bone

    I also like that the recipient of Nancy’s note has kept it over several years and several girlfriends. Romantic!

    Aug 7, 2007 at 6:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Goldie

    I agree, Nancy rocks.
    I like how in the first note, the management is telling everybody to stop having sex because the apartment building is crappy. And whose fault is that, I wonder?

    Aug 7, 2007 at 7:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Andy

    Nancy’s note is actually quite nice. Methinks william is just proud of it. *wink wink*

    As for the first one, I’d say that management needs to pony up for some better windows, or better yet, make the hallways less acoustically proficient.

    I lived in an apartment one time, and our downstairs neighbor’s routine (at about 2am every other day) was: boombooooombooooomboooom boombooooom, *incoherent yelling*, then finally lots of wonderful nature-vulgar-related sounds.

    Anyway, kids need to learn about the birds and bees eventually.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 7:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Black Bellamy

    I’ve been in situations like this but instead of writing a note I would bellow out at the top of my lungs STOP FUCKING SO LOUD over and over until they got the point.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 8:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   rupert

    nancy is direct and pleasant. The REM thing seems more like: “nothing personal.”

    Aug 7, 2007 at 8:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Janey

    I love that the first note is stamped confidential. Ahh, the joys of the internet.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 8:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Holly

    My upstairs neighbours have very vocal sex. After being woken up every night for a week at about 1am, when playing loud music at 6am as revenge didn’t work, and slamming doors in my flat while they were at it didn’t stop them, i left them a note asking to kindly keep the noise to a reasonable time, for the sake of my sanity. I’ve not been woken up since! :-)

    Aug 7, 2007 at 8:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   will

    I make it a habit to keep notes from neighbors about sex with previous girlfriends. This way I can say to my wife…”the neighbors all know who I used to do it with”.

    William, throw the note out.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 9:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   lilcollegegirl

    Yeah, I had a somewhat similar problem…whenever one of my roommates had sex, due to the structure of our really old decrepit house, she made the entire house shake. On occasion something would fall off the living room table because of it. Eventually, we just told her she should maybe move it to the floor, which seemed to help. (She had a huge bed that we suspected was amplifying the effect. Fortunately she also had an air mattress or something.)

    Aug 7, 2007 at 9:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   The Queen of Passive Aggressiveness

    I had a boyfriend once whose roommate made him move out, so loud was our sex.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 9:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   will

    Why were you sleeping with your boyfriends roommate?

    Aug 7, 2007 at 9:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Tee Hee

    I had a gay neighbor once who worried about my b0yfriend and I when he didn’t hear us having sex every night.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 9:56 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   D_luv

    “Vulgar related sounds”. Ha.

    Why do you think it’s called RELATIONS? Hee hee.

    PS: Team Nancy! still giggling…

    Aug 7, 2007 at 10:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   pet-peeved

    I get so annoyed by people who think they sound smart by saying “and I” when, in fact, it should be “and me.” Just because you think “I” sounds all proper, doesn’t mean it’s grammatically correct! Oh, & my biggest pet peeve is people who say “I’s” as in, “John & I’s house.” There is no such thing as “I’s!” It’s “my.” Okay, sorry TeeHee. It’s not just you. People do it constantly, especially on reality shows. This is just a public service announcement.
    P.S. We need an “I’s” blog like apostrophe abuse!

    Aug 7, 2007 at 10:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   will

    @Tee-Hee:

    Oh those wacky gays, always listening for sex

    Aug 7, 2007 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Fraulein N

    I like how management can’t simply ask them to be quiet; they want the people in question to take “precautions.” Like … soundproofing the room before having sex? Gagging your partner?

    Aug 7, 2007 at 11:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   letters

    I think I may have already left this little anecdote here but anyway:
    A German court a few years ago threw out a case brought by neighbours against a very noisy couple in their building. The judge found that the amourous pair’s screaming belonged to the normal range of human expressions heard throughout the day, including laugher, weeping, loud conversation, etc.
    Go Judge Go!

    Aug 7, 2007 at 11:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Caclark4

    Tee hee hee…When I was in college and lived in the dorms, I had a neighbor who talked on the phone super loud. I went to my friendly adult store, bought a porn tape and began blasting it every time I could make out the details of his phone conversation. It worked. I figured there is nothing quite like the sounds of people having sex to make you wonder, “Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”

    Aug 7, 2007 at 12:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Mel

    I actually don’t think Nancy’s note is even passive-aggressive. It’s respectful, pleasant, and she even gives her name and apt number. That’s pretty sophisticated. I could see myself being polite, but I’d have to be anonymous.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 1:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Arianna

    Eeek! Arienna, no fair having a name so similar to mine! Fortunate you’re a talented artist and I can’t even draw a stick figure properly, so at least no one will mix us up.

    That being said, is anyone else in love with Nancy’s handwriting? I think it’s gorgeous.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 1:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   kerry

    Ha ha, be louder next time!

    Aug 7, 2007 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Zsa

    Nancy probably worked hard to not sound like an Ass or an Idiot in her note. It’s P-A gone horribly wrong. Why is it even on here except to prove old Willie-boy used to have sex?

    That said– I LOVE the official apartment letterhead asking her to take immediate precautions because the rest of the building is impacted by her enthusiastic sex. You want impacted? I’ll give you impacted…

    Aug 7, 2007 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Sexy Nancy

    Wow! First of all, I am flattered [i think] that Will has kept that note all these years. I came across the posting by accident, my brother sent me the blog link, not realizing that my note was posted there. I’m glad some here don’t see my note as passive aggressive. At the time I wrote it, I felt it was just plain aggressive. To Will and his GF’s credit, things did quiet down for a bit and I enjoyed a few months of not being woken from a deep sleep to his GF’s orgasm broadcasts. But once Valentine’s Day rolled around it was back to normal. In the end I decided to move out because of the problem and a nice Mormon couple took the apartment.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 2:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Tee Hee

    Pet-peeved: Your example of possession is NOT why MY usage is incorrect. I should have said ‘my boyfriend and me’ because ‘me’ is an object of the preposition ‘about’ and should be in objective case. I am not one of the grammatically-challenged people you speak of. I am, however, guilty of not proofreading.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 2:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Angelique

    Does anyone else think that William should have dumped GF and shown Nancy what all the excitement was about? :)

    (Yes, I know I ended the sentence above with a preposition. Impact Me.)

    Aug 7, 2007 at 3:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Tee Hee and Pet-peeved - Get a Room!

    My name says it all.

    Aug 7, 2007 at 4:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   agirlie

    Morning sex…….mmmmmmm

    Aug 7, 2007 at 9:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   the anatomist

    I suspect Nancy’s note was an attempt to passive-agressively get into Will’s briefs/ boxers. Why else would she mention her apartment number unless she was hoping he would come around to confront her and she could seduce him with her feminine wiles?

    Aug 8, 2007 at 12:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Mishee

    These are just too funny! I can’t even bring myself to come out into my patio and tell my neighbor next door that his phone conversation is reverberating and that it being 10pm I would like to go to sleep and not listen to him babble! I would never have the gall to do something like Nancy did! Go Team Nancy for having some brass balls!!!

    Aug 8, 2007 at 8:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Dan

    I wonder if that’s Broadmore Apartments, 423 Terry Ave, Seattle.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 10:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   Buttercup

    I have a noisy neighbor, I may have to copy Nancy’s note!! I need my REM time too!

    Aug 8, 2007 at 1:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   loren

    Maybe when Tee-Hee and Pet-Peeved work out their grammatical tensions, we can all write them a nasty sex note.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 7:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   Ary

    I used to put a glass to the wall to hear better.

    It is rude for a couple to get someone else all hot and bothered w/o consent. The rudeness is compounded when the “impactee” has no (couple-based) recourse available.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 9:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Dr. Nona

    Ary, I love how you said you used a glass to hear *better* and then complained that it’s rude.

    But I admit to being conflicted as well. I’ve had neighbors who had loud sex — part of me resented it while another part of me enjoyed it.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 9:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   yippie

    this just reminded me of a really funny anecdote… i share an apartment with friends and we had some guests, one of which was my flatmate’s girlfriend. it was around 7 pm and everyone was sitting in the hall (we don’t have a livingroom) right in front of said flatmate’s door. he and his girlfriend were in the room doing what we thought was “listening to music”. suddenly they turned the volume up, but the song was just too quiet so we could hear their (well, mostly his) noises… i was sitting right next to the door and first i didn’t believe my ears, i just realized that it was true when i saw everyone giving each other funny looks. i tried to help our sweet couple out by turning on some loud music in my room but it didn’t really work. when he came out of the room just wearing his boxers and looking a bit, let’s say, “confused”, everyone started applauding… he just stared at us and asked “for how long have you been sitting here?” … someone said “long enough” and it was hilarious. he blushed and asked us if we could PLEASE hold back and not applaud when his girlfriend would leave the room… YAY for non-late-night-sex!

    Aug 9, 2007 at 2:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   DEEDEE

    I THINK SHE DID BETTER THAN I WOULD HAVE DONE.BUT HEY I ALSO COMMEND THEM ON THE HUMPPING THEY GET EVERY MORNING I TOO PROBLY WOULD HAVE BEEN REPORTED TO THE LAND LORD

    Aug 9, 2007 at 8:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   DEEDEE

    I THINK SHE DID BETTER THAN I WOULD HAVE DONE

    Aug 9, 2007 at 8:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   joebec

    jealous haters. all of them.

    Aug 10, 2007 at 2:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   L

    I once masturbated to the sound of my roommate haveing sex with his girlfriend. That’s not weird, is it?

    Aug 10, 2007 at 7:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   aliastaken

    This thread makes me yearn for the days when I was the one having loud sex. Or sex at all, dammit.

    (Also reminds me of that crazy summer I was a maid at the local truck stop. You haven’t heard loud sex until you’ve heard loud trucker sex through the wall of a cheap hotel on 81.)

    Aug 13, 2007 at 7:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   Phoopoo

    to L:
    my roommate got lucky one night and i was unlucky enough to be sleeping in the room next door. while the sounds turned me on, i was uncomfortable and took a nice long cold shower

    Aug 13, 2007 at 10:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   M@

    Wow, 2 PA notes for the price of one – thanks Broadmore Apartment Management!!

    Aug 16, 2007 at 1:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   oracleinvein

    So… when they were offended by the guests posting the first passive-aggressive note on your website, they responded with ANOTHER passive-aggressive note? Classic.

    Aug 22, 2007 at 12:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   Mrs. Bender

    Now it would be 3 PA notes for the price of 1! Kinda makes me wish I had saved the original to my HDD.

    Aug 22, 2007 at 12:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   Olivia bang

    What, Nancy?! You DON’T want to hear people having sex? You strange, strange woman!

    Of course, I JK.

    Mar 28, 2008 at 7:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   Lee

    As someone who was forced, as a small child, to watch my hippie mom have sex, I feel for anyone subjected to such sounds. Yecch. In my adult life, I have had the pleasure of hearing downstairs neighbors have loud sex in their kitchen, which was rudely interrupted by the female screaming OW OW OW OWWWW and tearing off down the hallway. Later, when I stepped into my bathroom, I heard them below me as clearly as if we were in the same room. “Spread your buttcheeks.” (spray-can sound, presumably an anesthetic) “OWOWOWOWW!!” “Look, I didn’t know the burner was on.” (Et cetera)

    Nov 23, 2008 at 11:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   cora

    okay, sex note: HILARIOUS!
    note that led to the removal of a p/a note: LAME!

    Aug 8, 2009 at 7:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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