Containing as much or as many as is possible or normal

August 8th, 2007 · 50 comments

In all fairness, says Brandi in Austin, “This note was written after our dishes became so caked with fungus that we had to buy new stuff. The smell was also REALLY bad.”

NOTICE!!! *Please Commence Immediately* To anyone who Lives, Naps, Shits, Farts, Eats, Sleeps, Fucks, Rests, OR DOES ANYTHING in this house: This is including but not limited to: Brandi, Summer, Keiran, Jason, Peter, Jonathan, Mary, ANYONE!! (Guests are not excluded) PLEASE DO NOT leave dirty dishes, old beer bottles, half eaten shit, or any trash strewn about the apt. If the trash can is full, PLEASE empty it and replace the bag. (If there any other questions about the definition of full, see m-w.com) Try to clean off any plates and dirty cups for placement in the dishwasher. The WHOLE COLLECTIVE would appreciate it greatly. Thank you, owners/operators

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!

FILED UNDER: Austin · dishes · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · garbage · internet citation · lOWERCASE l · obnoxious definition · roommates · shit · Texas


50 responses so far ↓

  • #1   loren

    Mmmmm… FUNGUS.

    Definitely deserving of a note if that crap was happening – illlccchhhh!

    Aug 8, 2007 at 7:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Andy

    Half-eaten shit?

    I wouldn’t even try to eat shit.

    Nice ref to m-w.com, in case you need to define your shit, ya’ll.

    The collective? Are you a bunch of hippies or socialists? I don’t think we have gotten socialist p/a notes here yet. That’d be exciting.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 7:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   jfruh

    It’s the “see m-w.com” that really pushes this one over the top, I have to say.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 7:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Naomi

    Damn… I don’t like washing dishes, but actually leaving them until they grow fungus is just NASTY.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 7:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Ceryniti

    Funny. I love the including but not limited to. I wonder how many people actually live there.

    Growing fungus is pretty freakin bad. I wouldn’t put up with it.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 8:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Dr. Nona

    I think you should start a new category called “sharpie” or “write out loud”. Something about the handwritten sharpie note is doubly funny. I’m thinking of this and “May the sanctity of the sink prevail.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 8:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Super_Fan#99

    How many people wrote this note? The writing goes sporadically back and forth between print, block letters and nice cursive. If I saw this note I would run, this person is obviously crazy as a shithouse rat.

    Is the *Please Commence Immediately* part really necessary before a tirade like that?

    Aug 8, 2007 at 8:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   twitchy

    Superfan, I think your just percieving the ‘swooshy’ (for lack of a better word) handwriting as cursive, I don’t see any cursive on this note. Block letters, sorta, I guess the all caps stuff counts…

    But your comment reminds me of a teacher i used to have. She ALWAYS switched from print to cursive and back again while writing on the board, sometime she even switched mid-word (yes, one word, two kinds of writing!) It absolutely drove me nuts, and towards the end of the year, the whole class started poking fun at her for doing it.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 9:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Ariel

    I would hate to be one of the people mentioned in the note. Singling out is never fun.

    And also, what if I was a visitor and I walked in and farted. Does that make me one of the people the note is referring to?

    Just a thought

    Aug 8, 2007 at 10:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Jay

    Flatulence, defacation, copulation — yep, I think that covers it.

    Aug 8, 2007 at 11:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   miss manners

    Just when you think she/he’s going to invite someone to a personal smackdown, he defers to m-w.com. And the half eaten shit was the fudge on the cake! This one is my fave so far.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 1:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   sigh

    The part that gets me is being so damn lazy that you won’t put rinsed off dishes in a dishwasher. they don’t even have to wash up!!!

    Aug 9, 2007 at 2:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Bonstermunch

    At least they aren’t letting perfectly good “energy pie” go fungal. I mean, that shit is expensive.

    Also, isn’t that a lowercase l in PlEASE?

    Aug 9, 2007 at 2:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Karin

    Team Sharpie!

    Fungus on dishes, that IS nasty. *shudder*

    Aug 9, 2007 at 4:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   PatHMV

    I didn’t realize that “collectives” even had “owners/operators.” Is there an elected executive committee? Does membership on it rotate from day to day in pure egalitarian fashion?

    Aug 9, 2007 at 6:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Heather

    My favorite part:

    *Please commence immediately*

    Aug 9, 2007 at 6:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Ty

    Ahh, Austin…How fondly I remember walking past all the Co-ops. lol…And can someone please explain to me why hippies always drive the old beaten up gas guzzlers?? There were always two or three sitting in front of the Co-ops looking like they might never move again.

    Owner/operator might refer to the fact that everyone is an owner/operator. But I could be wrong.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 6:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   GhostWriter

    I actually went back to the message, attempting to find reference to, “…the fudge on the cake”

    …and then it hit me.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 7:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Shanna

    I am fearing that I may be “crazy as a shithouse rat” as my writing is all over the place!

    Aug 9, 2007 at 7:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Vampira

    I go back and forth between cursive and not because I have to write so damn much at work. I’ll usually pick what will finish my word fastest.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 7:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Fraulein N

    This is hilarious. Owners/operators is clearly about to “commence” with some violence. If fungus on the damn DISHES doesn’t make these people want to clean up, maybe fear will.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 8:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   PatHMV

    Ty, I thought about that, but then that would be like a memo:

    From: Everyone who lives here.
    To: Everyone who lives here.

    Maybe the house is actually owned by the chief hippie-in-residence, and this is sort of like a missive from Ray and Alice to Arlo and the gang:

    Notice!!!! To anyone who eats Thanksgiving Dinner in this old church: Please DO NOT leave dirty dishes, old beer bottles, half eaten shit strewn about our old church. Please place ALL trash in bags and take to the dump. Please take the trash to the official dump. Do NOT leave it at the base of some hill on the side of the road, as you MAY BE ARRESTED.

    Thank you, Ray and Alice.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 8:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Zsa

    “the collective” brings to mind the Borgs~ Apparently if you are someone who DOES ANYTHING in this apartment you will be assimilated. Do not resist.

    The double negative (guests are not excluded) and actually describing what to do with the dirty dishes makes it for me. Best note in days!

    Aug 9, 2007 at 8:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Writer, Rejected

    This note utterly annoys and exhausts me with its catalog of bodily functions, guest names, instructions of the obvious, and household chores. I also hate it when people try to speak for the collective whole. Just speak for yourselves, irritating passive aggressive note-writers.

    I have to go lie down now.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 8:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   will

    In my opinion, living in a collective is the first sign that you’ve done something seriously wrong with your life. Notes pointing out additional failures are just rubbing it in.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Meeg

    I like the inconsitent capitalization. Also, I agreed that it’s the “see m-w.com for a definition of full” that sets the notes over the edge into passive aggression.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 10:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Super_Fan#99

    Resistance is futile. The Borg rule.

    Early this morning when I posted about the handwriting changing I really wanted to say something about “the collective” but I couldn’t quite place where I remembered it from. Thanks Zsa.

    I guess there isn’t any cursive in there after all, but there are many random words capitalized for no raisin. Hmm….could be a secret message.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 10:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Super_Fan#99

    P.S.

    Just went to m-w.com hoping for another site like this, imagine my disappointment.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 10:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   sarah

    paper plates, cups and plastic silverware would be a good investment for this house.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 11:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   PatHMV

    Yeah, the link to m-w.com was just boring. It would have been much more fun to say: “See Google.”

    Put the right search terms in, and they could have found a picture of a garbage can at precisely the level the “owners and operators” consider to be “full.”

    Aug 9, 2007 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Tarn

    The more notes like this I see, the happier I am that I live alone!
    The Borg eat? And fart? News to me…

    Aug 9, 2007 at 11:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Super_Fan#99

    and fuck evidently

    Aug 9, 2007 at 12:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Tarn

    Indeed!
    The Borg, it seems, have a lot more fun than I gave them credit for.
    I wanna be assimilated! ;-)

    Aug 9, 2007 at 12:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   joey

    i have a roommate who tells everyone that she looooves to wash dishes.
    problem is, she doesn’t like to wash pots or pans and i have to end up doing them.
    oh well, beggars can’t be choosers, some people have it worse

    Aug 9, 2007 at 1:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   marla

    Epic failure for team fungus. That note is much tamer than the one I would have written.

    Aug 9, 2007 at 3:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   pedgehog

    @PatHMV – I enjoyed the Alice’s Restaurant reference. :) My cat’s name is Arlo!

    Aug 9, 2007 at 3:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Zsa

    THAT’S the phrase! Resistance is futile. I hurt myself trying to remember it. shorted out my synapses and had to re-boot
    Thanks Super_Fan~

    Aug 9, 2007 at 3:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   joebec

    that’s just a bunch of lazy bitches right there. Get em!

    Aug 10, 2007 at 2:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   PatHMV

    Thanks, Pedgehog! I was hoping somebody would appreciate it. I’m focused on Arlo right now, because he’s coming to play in my hometown next February, and he’s going to be singing Alice’s Restaurant.

    Aug 10, 2007 at 2:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   L

    I’ve had fungus grow on dishes that sat in my sink for about six months. I lived alone, so it wasn’t a big deal. I eventually threw them out. I don’t think it ever developed an odor though, unless I just go used to it.

    Aug 10, 2007 at 7:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   ruth

    maybe this person should chose their roomates more carefully

    Aug 11, 2007 at 2:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Lisa R.

    This note is boring.

    Aug 12, 2007 at 12:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Down10

    I have deduced, by the writing of the note and the response below that Brandi, and possibly Summer, indeed fart.

    Aug 13, 2007 at 12:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Craniac

    L: You’re a person after my own heart. I’ve left pots and pans for so long before that I had to throw them away because they were too nasty to face cleaning. Most people never have to face their inner slob completely, but some of us have done so — oh the horror, the horror.

    Aug 14, 2007 at 8:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Craniac

    By the way, I’m from Austin too. But let that be no reflection on this pleasant place.

    Aug 14, 2007 at 8:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   GVI

    dang Craniac & L wuts going on there lol you sure you 2 are not included in that P/A note???

    Aug 15, 2007 at 6:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Mandy

    AMEN.

    I love the part about the Surgeon General and Anthony’s good Christian heart.

    It’s obvious as D put it that he worships “Terry” and not Jeebus.

    Also, I think Anthony has posted the notes on his OWN door rather than Rene’s and that Terry is ANOTHER tenant who is expressing his appreciation for Anthony serving Rene old-school bitch style. yo.

    Aug 16, 2007 at 2:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Ree B.

    This is why I live alone…. My shit is EVERYWHERE… but I manage to clean it up before it festers and molds.

    Aug 20, 2007 at 8:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   xxpartyguyxx

    omg i just figured out the m-w.com. I thought it was m.w.com so couldn’t find it. I burst out laughing. LOL

    Aug 21, 2007 at 2:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Christine

    LMAO while reading this, favorite part – Please Commence Immediately. The fungi growing on the dishes reminds me of my roommate Brad and how he would leave the kitchen a mess for days!

    Mar 19, 2008 at 4:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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