jenn in san francisco received this little from a then-roommate who she lived with for a year but barely ever saw or spoke to. says jenn, “she was rarely seen outside the confines of her own room and seemed to prefer communicating electronically and then, only when absolutely necessary. so you can imagine, she probably stewed on the issue for a very long time. ”
(click twice to enlarge)
adds jenn: guess how this flexible-thinking roommate paid her bills? “by conducting CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING COURSES TO CORPORATE EMPLOYEES.”
reddit!
stumble it!
101 responses so far ↓
#1 CjB
Although wordy, it sure seems like a reasonable letter to me!
I lived with a roommate who didn’t handle it quite so well.
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:08 pm rating: +1
#2 anonymous
I fail to see the irony in this note about power usage and the fact that she does cultural sensitivity training……
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:08 pm rating: 0
#3 essephreak
seems reasonable to me too, and I too am missing the irony — exactly how is she being insensitive here?
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:15 pm rating: 0
#4 BoggyWoggy
I disagree with all of you. Why is she writing to the roommates when she could, and should, write to the landlord? If the place is sooooo outdated electrically, that seems to be a starting place.
And, asking folks to avoid using space heaters and giving a mini-lecture on how to keep warm, wearing fleece and scarves, is something a mother would do with a 3-year old. It seems she thinks her idea is revolutionary and that no one else had thought of it!
One other thing: “casts quite a pretty light” is her quote re: using the nightlight in the hallway. Poetry, man. Ugh! Where’s the Listerine mouthwash?
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:33 pm rating: 0
#5 Mj
Really doesn’t seem that bad to me, either. You can hear the sensitivity-speak in the tone.
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:34 pm rating: +1
#6 LC.
Dunno, I tend to side with Phantom Roomie Girl on this one. I mean, unless she was just blatantly lying about the lights being on without purpose, she’s right. Turn ‘em off!
I also fail to see the irony, as above.
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:34 pm rating: +1
#7 Ingrid
I really don’t see the passive-aggressive angle here.
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:36 pm rating: +1
#8 Trevor
The length itself is a major part of the problem. It’s patronizing. The stuff about increasing the “beer fund” with the smiley face? The space heater instructions? The double exclamation points on the bit about she’s the one who goes down the stairwell?
This is hall-of-fame passive-aggressive: Someday you’ll have your own home and can run up your own energy bill.
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:38 pm rating: 0
#9 S. Thomson
Actually, if the space heater is one of those normal, mechanical, heating coil units with an analog low-off-high switch on it, then it doesn’t really “passively” consume energy when it’s plugged in to the wall. But if it’s got digital controls and a digital on-off switch, then it DOES consume a little bit even when it’s turned on.
But seriously, does the roommate unplug her computer when she leaves the room? Does she unplug the coffee maker? The most ridiculous part of the letter is that she clearly learned everything she needed to know about energy consumption from the intartubes.
Also, it’s funny that the email is so sensitive, not that it’s insensitive. She’s practically using “I feel…when you…I want” statements. Classic conflict management 101.
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:42 pm rating: 0
#10 marissa
Oh my God I want to STRANGLE HER. And I don’t even have to live with her. Trevor is right about the length. A letter this long about the electric bill? From someone who never talks to the other roommates? What a stuck-up bitch.
Also, she can unplug the space heater her own damn self. (Normally, I wouldn’t say that but a) it’s not a hard or inconvenient thing to do b) this letter gives me SO MUCH RAGE.)
And finally, if she only communicates via e-mail, I’d bet she’s NOT open to the others’ suggestions.
Ugh. Must… step away… from computer.
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:48 pm rating: 0
#11 loren
Words, words, words.
In any case, she’s right. Some people are wasteful w/out caring if someone else foots the bill for his or her own stupidity.
Actually, if you can figure out a way to get someone else to pay your share of the electric bill, you must have SOME brains. Hmmm…
Aug 8, 2007 at 6:58 pm rating: 0
#12 Andy
Wow, two things:
How much electricity did she have to consume writing this email, then for all of her roomies to read them on their repsective computers? Hmmmm?
Also, they all share the common energy pie.
She has some valid points, but good lord, that’s a long message. That’s the type of message that would make me surrender, for fear of another volume of energy-saving tips.
Aug 8, 2007 at 7:27 pm rating: 0
#13 mollysusie
Oh my god. I’d have to strangle her in her sleep. That would warm me up.
Aug 8, 2007 at 7:57 pm rating: 0
#14 April
Eh. I don’t think it’s that bad, though it’s long. I’d be pissed if my roommate’s space heater kept blowing the fuse, especially if I were subsidising the cost of its use.
Aug 8, 2007 at 8:03 pm rating: 0
#15 jules
I lived in a roomie situation a couple of years ago for a few months. One girl drove me nuts leaving her tv on, lights, stereo, etc. and then leaving the apartment. Of course, she was also the one to have most of the fridge filled with her leftover crap, sink full of her dishes, and trash and mess all over the place.
Maybe I’m too considerate of others, or perhaps the fact I am several years older and therefore, hopefully, more mature, to do that sort of thing. She wasn’t a teenager, but nearly 30, and a school teacher and church-goer. She also had the most obnoxious people over at all hours of the night.
I guess the point of this very long missive is that I think as a society in general, we don’t always have common courtesy anymore or common sense. Turn the stupid light off when you leave a room. And for God’s sweet sake, don’t leave your “Lord of the Rings” DVD in the player, stuck on Menu, so that the same 32 bars of music plays over and over and over and over and over full blast on your TV in your room with your lights on while you decide to go pick up your friends and then have dinner and go see a movie.
Thank you. I feel better now.
Aug 8, 2007 at 8:15 pm rating: 0
#16 M@
Geez Marissa, I really suspect you’re channeling your rage at someone else onto the letter-writer here! It’s a little wordy, borderline patronising perhaps, but nothing to justify your response!
And the power-bill-cultural-sensitivity thang? Not even Alanis Morisette would find that ironic!
Aug 8, 2007 at 8:20 pm rating: 0
#17 Dr. Nona
Oh man, I think I wrote a *much shorter* version of this letter and posted it on the fridge a few years back.
BoggyWoggy, I agree that it may sound condescending, but some people truly are clueless. Not everyone realizes that wearing a sweater and scarf over a thermal shirt (instead of a short sleeved t-shirt) in order to not have a $500 heating bill is a trade-off worth making. I actually had someone tell me that she thought you should be able to wear a t-shirt around the house in winter. This was upstate New York, in an old frame house. I don’t fucking think so. (I had *major* utilities issues with this woman. The month she moved in, the water company sent me a letter saying I should check the house for leaks because the usage had doubled.)
In my old house (I was landlady — it was like a small boarding house) space heaters were strictly verboten. They drive up *everyone’s* share of the heating bill in order to make one person’s room nice and toasty. T-shirt girl wanted to use a space heater, of course. Dumbass.
Aug 8, 2007 at 8:36 pm rating: 0
#18 kimi
Team Rarely-Seen-Roomate.
Put on a gorram sweater.
Aug 8, 2007 at 10:02 pm rating: 0
#19 Ella
I, too, fail to grasp the irony of MIA roommate’s job. Someone enlighten me, please.
Kimi, nice use of gorram. I approve.
Aug 8, 2007 at 11:15 pm rating: 0
#20 Jay
Aaaaaaaaaack! Too many words! Make it stop!
How about this: “Hey, everyone. Let’s try to be a little more conscientious about turning off the lights and appliances when not in use. Last month’s bill was a little high. If we all do our part, that means more money for textbooks/cheetos/whatever? Thanks!”
My example was still too wordy but you get the idea. The author brings up some valid and reasonable points but hijole! Who wants to read all that nonsense? Not me.
Aug 8, 2007 at 11:46 pm rating: 0
#21 M@
I guess it is kinda ironic that Jenn’s act of submitting the note to this site is far more passive-aggressive than writing the note in the first place - especially with the all-caps shouting. Just not ironic in the way Jenn was intending.
Aug 8, 2007 at 11:48 pm rating: 0
#22 hellojed
The roommate’s job goes some way to explaining the tone of the email - wordy, touchy feely, but ultimately patronising. She could have said the whole thing in a few sentences or better yet, sat down with her roommate and discussed it. She should know (and probably teaches) that email can be taken the wrong way and it’s better to discuss problems in person!
Aug 9, 2007 at 12:03 am rating: 0
#23 magpie
rather than writing such a patronizing letter, roomie should have yelled down the well-lit hallway for everyone to turn off their shit. that is my entirely aggressive solution.
Aug 9, 2007 at 12:59 am rating: 0
#24 .................................................
This is not a passive agressive note. It’s very polite and well thought out and makes a lot of sense. Not once does she blame anyone or take the higher ground.
Aug 9, 2007 at 1:37 am rating: 0
#25 Sazbot
She’s right. Turning off lights is good for the environment and your energy bills.
Aug 9, 2007 at 1:46 am rating: 0
#26 j
though i am not on “team” rarely seen roommate, i definitely agree with her more than the girl who submitted this. conserving energy is good. space heaters don’t need to be used constantly, and they should be shut off by the person who turned them on, not by someone else. and if they don’t get it, maybe a slightly patronizing lengthy “do you get it yet?” email should be sent. burn the message into their memory. “if i shut these lights off now i WON’T get another bitchy email later.”
god guys, the email isn’t even rude. pointing stuff out to people for the good of everyone isn’t passive aggressive in the slightest.
Aug 9, 2007 at 1:53 am rating: 0
#27 miss manners
What a damn hippie! The obnoxious part about it is her indignation that others don’t automatically subscribe to her school of thought, and yet she undermines her whole premise: “Someday we each own our own house and then we can use all the energy we want.” That’s the very first sentence!!! So P-A.
Also, her job is so un-ironic: She writes b.s. emails, and does b.s. work. I get what jen meant though and I think it’s funny too.
Aug 9, 2007 at 2:06 am rating: 0
#28 miss manners
Oh oops. I misread it. She just doesn’t want to go down the stairs to reset the breaker. My bad. Actually pretty reasonable for that. *blush*
Aug 9, 2007 at 2:08 am rating: 0
#29 Angelique
Mmmmm… energy pie…
Aug 9, 2007 at 3:00 am rating: 0
#30 ginger
i feel sorry for thst chick. her letter goes on a bit, but i think thst’d because she’s trying to avoid insulting or upsetting anyone. what she’s requestin is no big deal. turn shit off when you’re not using it !
no idea what makes folks so angry. she just seems shy & perhaps not up to conflict.
Aug 9, 2007 at 5:27 am rating: 0
#31 john
the super aggressive responses here make me laugh. thanks!
Aug 9, 2007 at 5:41 am rating: 0
#32 theblackdog
I’m with the roomie here, it was a well thought out letter, even if the tone may have started out a bit patronizing.
Aug 9, 2007 at 5:57 am rating: 0
#33 Oedipa Maas
We should introduce her to Cormac - I bet she’d luuurve his energy-saving CFL bulbs (not to mention his matching blue bowls!).
Really, having lived with a college roommate who blew the fuse FOR OUR ENTIRE DORM at every opportunity, I’m on Team Pie. I was too non-confrontational to come up with either a passive OR aggressive way to tell Tia that if she tried to simultaneously use her hair dryer, curling iron, stereo (with volume set to 11), tv (same), AND computer ONE MORE TIME I was going to put one of her adorably ruffled lemon-yellow throw pillows over her face in her sleep. Writing a note like this, however patronizing, would’ve saved me a lot of frustrated grumbling.
Aug 9, 2007 at 5:57 am rating: 0
#34 Goldie
Wow, am I the only one pissed about the space heater bit? Okay, I have to confess it struck a nerve. Mr. Goldie and I tend to disagree about the thermostat settings in winter. I wanted 72, he wanted 64, eventually we settled for 67.
Last winter my son’s guitar teacher came in for a lesson, and it was 63 degrees in the living room, and the poor guy was wearing a T-shirt and nothing else. I could not convince Mr. Goldie to turn the thermostat up for the lesson. Poor 18yo kid probably froze his ass off. Needless to say he stopped coming soon after that! And yes, I wear two sweaters and two pairs of sweats around the house, and it’s still too freakin cold! I’ve got to say we do use space heaters in the bedrooms though, but I cannot spend all day in the bedroom, I have a household to run.
Now that my rant is done, you can guess what I would tell the roommate to do with the darn sweater and throw blanket and her freakin scarf. If these things won’t all fit where she needs to shove them, I’ll be happy to assist.
Thanks for listening.
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:06 am rating: 0
#35 Goldie
Er, when I said the guy was wearing a T-shirt and nothing else, I of course meant he was wearing jeans and socks and hopefully some underwear and a T-shirt. Some wishful thinking on my part, I guess… it happens.
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:08 am rating: 0
#36 The Queen of Passive Aggressiveness
I once had a roommate that would always set the thermostat to 50 degrees, even in winter.
I left several PA notes, including one with the definition of “room temperature” as per dictionary.com, and reset the thermostat at every opportunity. That bitch.
Should have taken pictures, come to think of it.
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:16 am rating: 0
#37 Sean
It’s a reasonable request, but the method is vintage passive aggressive. How many days did she sit in her room with her scarf on, stewing, before getting the nerve to write this novel?
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:27 am rating: 0
#38 PatHMV
As several others have pointed out, it’s the length that makes this rude, if not P-A. Going on and on with the detailed explanations tells the readers that she assumes they are idiots who don’t already know that turning lights out would save electricity and cut down on the bill. The problem with most non-light-turner-outers is that they haven’t made the practice a habit, not that they don’t intellectually understand the concept.
A 3 sentence plea, maybe with the little table of specific energy consumption by different devices, should suffice for everybody.
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:43 am rating: 0
#39 Vampira
I’m sorry but if I was the letter writer’s roomate I would still do what I wanted. Why? I pay rent for shelter, and for me, that includes heat and a/c and fans and whatever else will make me more comfortable in MY home.
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:50 am rating: 0
#40 Talea
This letter is so well worded and written that I wonder if she wrote it intentionally to get her fifteen minutes of fame on this site? Cuz it just seems too good to be true.
Just a thought….
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:57 am rating: 0
#41 Kuri
Team environment (and therefore, team phantom roommate).
I’m wordy, too, and there’s actually still a lot of ignorant people out there who don’t get energy conservation, so it’s not unreasonable for her to think that her roommates don’t understand it. Also, it sounds like she’s lived there longer, so she has a better idea of what level of consumption is too much.
Aug 9, 2007 at 6:58 am rating: 0
#42 Vampira
Here’s something to consider, why doesn’t the roomate who is concenred do what she/he feels is neccessary and leave the other roomates alone? If you rent somewhere you have the damn right to use the electricity and conserve it as you wish. Where I can see that stopping is if you are actually being stupid with power, example: leaving windows open in Summer and setting the thermostat to 66. Having a damn heater in the damn winter is reasonable, damn it. (Hippies!)
Aug 9, 2007 at 7:10 am rating: 0
#43 EK
yeah, yeah yeah, so the letter goes on too long and gets into a bit too much detail. I’m sure I’d be annoyed to get an email like it. But I bet that the real reason that Jenn is upset is that she was called out on being irresponsible and wasteful. Vampira, make yourself comfortable, sure. But if you’re going to use a space heater or a/c, you should be expected to toss in a larger amount of money for the electricity bill, it’s that simple.
Aug 9, 2007 at 7:16 am rating: 0
#44 Vampira
Sorry but I disagree, having a space heater or window a/c (assuming you don’t have central heat and air) is perfectly reasonable. One shouldn’t expect to be cold at home or to pay more for the electric bill because your roomates are hippies and are fine being either naked or wrapped in a 1000 blankets.
Aug 9, 2007 at 7:34 am rating: 0
#45 jules
I agree, EK. Maybe if Jenn had to pay for her actual use of the electricity, she would get it. And I don’t think that just because you pay to live somewhere, you can do whatever the hell you want. It goes back to the commom courtesy and sense issue. When you live with others, there has to be compromise. Do whatever the hell you want when you live alone. Just because I pay to live somewhere doesn’t give me the right to be stupid, wasteful, and rude.
I’d have enjoyed having a roommate who stayed quietly in her room and didn’t bother anybody, and was concerned about the bills.
Aug 9, 2007 at 7:37 am rating: 0
#46 Vampira
Using something to keep yourself at a normal indoor temperature is not asking too much. “Omg an a/c or a heater are EVIL and not allowed.” That line of thinking is way more rude and stupid. I am wondering what magical land the hippies live in where it doesn’t get very cold or hot.
Aug 9, 2007 at 7:55 am rating: 0
#47 Fraulein N
Confession: I didn’t even read to the end of this damn manifesto, and I’ll bet the other roomies didn’t either.
Phantom roommate makes a good point, but she really could have communicated it more eloquently with FAR fewer words.
Aug 9, 2007 at 7:56 am rating: 0
#48 LK
As I read this, I kept waiting for someone break out the guitar and start singing Kumbayah. So touchy feely. Ugh! The smiley face really got to me. Although she makes very valid points, she goes overboard. Was it necessary to present evidence from the electric company’s website?
Aug 9, 2007 at 8:19 am rating: 0
#49 Goldie
To #46, Vampira: well, they do live in San Francisco, in all fairness… not magical, but close enough… heh heh
Aug 9, 2007 at 8:21 am rating: 0
#50 Zsa
Too long, rambling and self-righteous (” I wear a sweater/blanket/scarf, why cant you?”) to be normal. I skimmed over large chunks too… had to go back and figure out why she thought a night light would work when the fuse went out…
makes me wonder what else she is doing in her little fifedom (oops, meant-her room).
Only other thing that would have sealed this as hippie P-A would be considering what their carbon-footprint size is and how many energy credits it would cost on TOP of the bill. Or maybe a paper vs plastic trash bag tirade.
And in defence of hippies~ ummm. never mind, I cant think up a defence.
Aug 9, 2007 at 8:31 am rating: 0
#51 Mishee
I just love that she gathered information and obviously did research to quote some common household items and their power usages - especially “Television, color” LOL!
Aug 9, 2007 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#52 D_luv
OMG, this letter made pressure build up behind my eyeballs!!! I wasn’t even through the first paragraph of this “energy epistle” before all I could hear were Charlie Brown noises reverberating through my skull, so I know the other roomies hit the off switch before reaching the end.
She’s probably 100% right about her ideas, but her approach was 100% guaranteed to get her ignored and ostracized even more than usual.
This lengthy chapter makes me feel like I am being herded off a cliff by Martha Stewart.
Aug 9, 2007 at 9:01 am rating: 0
#53 Horkin Chunks
I think team Cultural Sensitivity is missing the point. Can’t you just talk to the roomies fer crissake? True it’s not such a radical request, but a inter-house memo? Do they use Outlook to schedule house meetings?
Aug 9, 2007 at 9:02 am rating: 0
#54 Katzendogz
Agreed that the length is outrageous, but I think a number of you are missing the point.
She may or may not be a hippie on the conservation bandwagon and she may or may not be ticked about the electricity bill every month. Those are beside the point.
The main impetus of the e-mail is because the power keeps going out! Multiple times a night! The solution may be easy - going downstairs to turn the circuit breaker back on. Still, I can imagine that it would be a huge pain in the butt to have to deal with it all the time, especially if you are in the middle of cooking, watching a DVD, working on the computer, in the shower, or any number of things.
Seriously. This girl’s beef is legitimate.
Aug 9, 2007 at 9:44 am rating: 0
#55 TL
The point isn’t whether or not the girl has a legitimate concern about her power bill (she does), but how she addresses that concern.
This letter is dripping with condescension and passive aggressiveness. We’re talking Bill “If you could just go ahead and keep the lights off, that would be great” Lumbergh levels of p-a here.
If I were here roommate, I’d turn on more shit out of spite after receiving an e-mail like this one.
Aug 9, 2007 at 10:03 am rating: 0
#56 The Queen of Passive Aggressiveness
Her beef would be more legitimate if she talked about it with her landlord instead.
There are laws that give tenants the right to a safe, secure, and electrically up-to-date dwelling place.
If the wiring is so bad that a hall light left on forces a power outage and makes people wear outdoor clothing inside to keep warm, not everything is going to be above-board, law-wise.
Just because she’s willing to bend over backwards to accomodate the scumminess of a landlord doesn’t mean her roommates have to be, nor should she take out her passive aggression on them.
It’s not about saving energy, it’s about standards of living.
Aug 9, 2007 at 10:05 am rating: 0
#57 tj
If you live in the same apartment as someone, be an adult, just walk across the hall and talk to them! My roommate only communicates to me through post-it notes, email, and the occasional voicemail. I am moving out soon
Aug 9, 2007 at 10:31 am rating: 0
#58 Potbelly
Energy wasters are infuriating as roommates. Turn a light on, then…turn it off. Use a blanket instead of sucking a million volts vainly trying to raise room temp with a cheap electric space heater, unless everyone is running them. Or pay extra. Basically, energy hogs and conservationists have no common ground and should never live together.
Landlords renting to a bunch of communal-living losers at a cheap rate are not to be approached or hassled, because as soon as they get too annoyed/have to shell out for serious improvements, guess who’sgetting a rent hike/ not getting their lease renewed?
Aug 9, 2007 at 10:54 am rating: 0
#59 thedude
the irony that is meant comes from two aspects, the first being how the letter is sensitive and takes time to point out her just claim and compliant, followed by “new” ideas and finally capping with “would you be willing to do this? I’d really appreciate it.” Combine this with the known tactics of cultural sensitivity methods makes this ironic that she would then in turn use this same method of transferring her view points towards those she lives with.
one must understand that cultural sensitivity naturally infers that you are a racist bigot that needs to be educated and re-educated, thus the inference that they know best. this letter is covered with that idea.
Aug 9, 2007 at 12:01 pm rating: 0
#60 T-Bone
I’m with Frau N. I’m guessing the roommates didn’t read this ridiculously long email to the end. Blah, blah, blah-dy blah, yadda yadda yadda yadda. Blah, yadda, blah, blah. Quit writing and go talk to your roomies! They LIVE with you, for heaven’s sake. When they’re in the kitchen or wherever, just casually mention, “Hey- let’s turn off the lights, okay? The energy bill is really high.” That’ll save you the trouble of creating flowcharts and piecharts and power point presentations about something so simple.
Aug 9, 2007 at 12:12 pm rating: 0
#61 berrypatch
This is sort of off topic, but it drives me nuts that nowadays people are constantly bitching about reading. That’s the main complaint I see among these comments. “Ooohh, it’s a whole PAGE long, how can we expect someone to read this entire letter???”
Please. A little more reading in this country would not hurt ANYBODY.
Aug 9, 2007 at 12:19 pm rating: 0
#62 Jeff
Team energy-saving roommate here. She shouldn’t have to split a gigantic electric bill caused by someone else’s space heater and leaving-on of lights. It’s like