Today’s tasteless gross-out is brought to us by Christina in Irvine, California. (My apologies in advance.)
I think it’s going to be a long long time
August 20th, 2007 · 194 comments
FILED UNDER: all clogged up · bathroom · California · college life · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · group bitchfest · hair · Irvine · most popular notes of 2007 · shower · that's disgusting
194 responses so far ↓
#1
LokiXIII
lol rocket pubes…
I love how chris and whoever its the other person seconds that crazy thought D:
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:42 am rating: 37
#2
cityclass
apart from the whole overuse of the word ‘pubes’ (or maybe its just me ’cause i don’t like that word), i do quite like and enjoy brandon’s use of metaphors and similes in this.
and the take notice, i like that part too.
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:05 am rating: 55
#3
Lisa R.
I like Brandon.
Hey website guy- Post more often! K, thx.
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:17 am rating: 2
#4
will
I am impressed that this letter apparently was drafted by a committe. Can chrisitine provide us with the meeting notes as well?
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:18 am rating: 16
#5
jules
Yeah fuck you brandon
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:19 am rating: 2
#6
Anon
It’s a shower. Not your dinner plate. Redirect some water and rinse it off. Team Rocket-pubes!
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:35 am rating: 95
#7
jamie
lmao rocket pubes
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:43 am rating: 3
#8
tweedle
B.V. is for Brandon’s
–unaccountable?–
Vendetta
against people with pubic hair.
I too feel it is good to clean out shower and bath drains after bathing, but, given the note’s subject matter, the high dudgeon in which it was clearly written seems to indicate that our B is type A plus.
Wouldn’t want to live with him!
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:43 am rating: 7
#9
Lizzie
I’m just laughing at the Elton John reference.
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:45 am rating: 41
#10
BoggyWoggy
Maybe, just maybe another consideration:
This guy notices that he has a lot of growth down there and “borrows” Brandon’s razor! As he’s rinsing it off, he shakes it to release all of the built up pub hair. One of the hairs hits the curtain.
He quietly returns Brandon’s razor to the drawer where it belongs!
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:00 am rating: 20
#11
BoggyWoggy
Whoops! “Pube,” not “pub.
Ummm…that makes me think of beer.
Gotta go!
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:02 am rating: 6
#12
Debbie
Rocket? Euw.
But hilarious. Justification for this site — if such a thing were ever needed. I laughed so hard i nearly coughed up a kidney.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:18 am rating: 20
#13
Andy
Well, if I’d have to put the boys in a plastic bag, how would I get said boys squeaky clean?
My favorite thing, however, is that the third and fourthing line was made an “official” signature line by putting an X first, so he knew where to sign when he wrote it. What a clever anti-pubite.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:21 am rating: 43
#14
Andy
I also like the “Official Decree”, which then he has to repeat by saying, “Here’s my new decree:”
If you’re going to give out official decrees, the only way to begin said decrees is: “I hereby decree, this fourth day of September, in the year of our LORD 2006…”
Sheesh. What are they teaching at colleges today? Kids today.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:25 am rating: 37
#15
Craig
Haha, brilliant.
Though I did assume at first that “Rocket pubes” was a reference to ginger pubes
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:59 am rating: 8
#16
LJ
If he wrote a book, I’d buy it! That’s some awesome writing that is!
Aug 20, 2007 at 4:07 am rating: 16
#17
King Steve
I’m not a fan of Brandon….And if I knew him I’d put pubes in EVERYTHING he owns…
Aug 20, 2007 at 5:09 am rating: 10
#18
LC
Brandon seems a little shrill, but I totally get where he’s coming from.
He would never have survived my roommate, who decided to go for the Brazilian look in our shower with the help of some sort of oil-based product (baby oil?) It created a sort of crazy-glued pube carpet. And all this the day she decides to leave town for a week! I used our other roomie’s bath and left Nutzo’s pube carpet there to convey to her my extreme displeasure.
TEAM COURTESY-RINSE!
Aug 20, 2007 at 6:09 am rating: 57
#19
Alan
hahah nice…from uci?..nice to know people from my area looks at these kinda sites =]
Aug 20, 2007 at 7:17 am rating: 0
#20
jimmyjimmyjimmyjimmykalamahoo! kalamahee! kalamabringachairplease!
i reckon brandon has some severe disorder and dosnt have any pubes, and hes jealous of evryone else
in conclusion, fuck you brandon
Aug 20, 2007 at 7:56 am rating: 5
#21
Darcy
Well, that was amazing. That’s exactly the kind of inter-resident policing activity I like to see in a college dorm.
Aug 20, 2007 at 8:43 am rating: 5
#22
Mandy
How does he know it’s a pube? Maybe somebody just has curly hair.
Aug 20, 2007 at 8:45 am rating: 18
#23
super_fan#99
Whoa what happened to the comments? I don’t have anything interesting to say yet but felt the compulsive need to post anyways.
Aug 20, 2007 at 8:45 am rating: 0
#24
Brian
Just like when watching CSI, I never cease to be amazed at how someone can determine a short curly hair is a pubic hair as opposed to chest, arm, leg, etc. I think its more telling that his mind went there immediately.
Seems easier to just make a rule that everyone rinse down the shower walls when they’re done.
This household sounds like a good crop of candidates for any of the many “locked in a house” reality shows out there.
Aug 20, 2007 at 8:58 am rating: 27
#25
dfgdfg
I suspect a pube researcher.
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:06 am rating: 7
#26
Andy
Or pube collector. He was able to go in the archives and make a positive ID.
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:08 am rating: 13
#27
Dee
This..Is effing hilarious. “Like a clown in a cannon”. Rotfl. The imagery is great for a PA Note.
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:09 am rating: 21
#28
anonymouscoworker
The lack of spelling and grammatical errors in the note is almost as refreshing as a pube-free shower.
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:10 am rating: 48
#29
Goldie
My first thought was chest hair, but for Petessakes, it’s still gross. I fifth what Brandon said, clean up after yourself.
That letter was f-ing hilarious. Go Brandon!
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:13 am rating: 7
#30
Fraulein N
“TEAM COURTESY-RINSE!
I second
X__Fraulein N_______
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:34 am rating: 8
#31
the sos
“The lack of spelling and grammatical errors in the note is almost as refreshing as a pube-free shower.”
I second.
X – the sos
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:45 am rating: 4
#32
T-Bone
hahahahahahah!!!! God. The metaphors. Fabulous.
I once knew a guy who was freakishly hairy. Throughout his apartment, little dark curls would alight on every surface. These hairs weren’t necessarily pubes, if you take my meaning. Kudos to my freakishly hairy friend though, because he cleaned his house obsessively.
My idea is that the offending “pube” on the shower curtain perhaps could have been another kind of hair. Let’s hope!
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:50 am rating: 2
#33
aliastaken
What does Brandon expect in a shared shower? When I was in college, we had three showers for a wing of almost 40 people! Kids these days; they just don’t know how to deal.
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:01 am rating: 4
#34
Susan
OMG – this letter is fabulous! LMAO for the last ten minutes (five minutes for the imagery in the letter and five minutes after perusing the comments!)!!
P.S.:
I fifth. x___Terry____
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:05 am rating: 1
#35
ShagNBag
Now this is the kind of post we’re all here for!
Brandon. Son. It’s college. You’re lucky pubes are the only thing you’re finding in there.
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:11 am rating: 23
#36
Vampira
These yellow comments make me think of pee, and that makes me think of shoulder-heighth pubes. Please bring back the work friendly, non-yellow comments. ^_^
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:15 am rating: 1
#37
Michael
Is this note all we get today, O Great PAN.com God?? I want some more please!!!
You all are CRACKING me up. Yay Jules and Superfan#99. LMAO!!!!
I was imagining that this note was something you’d see in a Farrelly Brothers movie, did anyone else do that???
Do you want your pubes on a wall?
Do you want to see pubes at all?
No dammit, the stupid pubes are supposed to do DOWN the drain.
If I complain, I hope the PAN Gods will give me another juicy post before tomorrow, which will undoubtedly be RIPE with comments! LOL!
I like pudding. *cough*
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:18 am rating: 2
#38
super_fan#99
that’s the funniest fucking thing i’ve seen all day michael.
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:23 am rating: 1
#39
Michael
It’s still early so other things can beat me out. Hopefully at about 11:30 PM tonight, you’ll still think that of me. *sniffle*, thank you.
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:26 am rating: 0
#40
bethany
while I agree that the writing here is refreshingly good, I feel duty-bound to point out the your/you’re error just before the midway point.
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:32 am rating: 1
#41
Andy
I guess there’s nothing like a little pube humor to make a Monday morning a little brighter.
Actually, this note is all the funnier when it dawned on me that it was just ONE alleged pube which caused this rant.
If the shower curtain looks like a shag carpet hanging there, well, yeah.
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:42 am rating: 1
#42
Elmoosh
If you have not noticed or care not to know, the pubes go in the copy room.
Thanks Terry.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:07 am rating: 8
#43
Evan
Nooone wonders how Christine got a note hung in the guys’ showers?
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:12 am rating: 4
#44
Talea
That is hands down the best note ever posted on this website.
I’d like to meet this person and shake their hand.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:17 am rating: 3
#45
ijRoberts
Talea, at least you know that hand would be pube free!
What? No “That pube was fucking delicious!”??
Okay, I guess it’s left up to me then.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:27 am rating: 1
#46
mere
i’m with evan, how did christine get this note? some sort of spy networking system? or maybe she just asked? hmmmmm
ugh, shower sharing. UGH!
does anyone know how to change the color of the comment space so it’s not this awful goldish/yellowrod/mazish (but i call if ‘corn’) color?
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:29 am rating: 3
#47
GhostWriter
Rocket pubes certainly are viable threats, but are thankfully limited by weak propulsion vehicles.
What we really need to be worrying about are suitcase pubes, which can be carried anywhere, even into our state capitols.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:30 am rating: 23
#48
mere
i call IT ‘corn’.
GAH!
team: need to proofread before hitting ‘submit’.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:30 am rating: 0
#49
Heather
“It’s the right thing to do.”
Way to end it, Brandon.
Team Yeah for Girls.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:33 am rating: 1
#50
lauralaiwc
hahaha! i am laughing hysterically at work. this is a really good one.
my advice would be to wear those nifty little shower shoes and take a chill pill. one rocket pube will not nuke the shower.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:34 am rating: 1
#51
kiki
When I moved into my current apartment, the guy who lived here before me obviously had very curly, black hair. It was every where. I don’t think he had vacuumed once since he had lived here, it was in piles in corners. So gross. I ripped up the carpet and replaced all of the flooring. Team clean up your gross hair.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:48 am rating: 4
#52
Black Bellamy
I’m on Team It’s African-American Head Hair You Racist Pig Brandon.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:48 am rating: 7
#53
Vampira
If someone does find out how to turn off this pee color, let me know!
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:27 pm rating: 0
#54
Andy
Vampira:
At work I have to use IE.
You can go into Tools, Accessibility, Formatting, and select the box that says “Ignore colors specified on web pages.”.
It’s clunky, but I’m now pee-free! Whee.
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:35 pm rating: 1
#55
Andy
Oy, did I mess that up. Tools, Internet Options, General Tab, then the rest. Egads.
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:36 pm rating: 0
#56
D_luv
Rocket pubes?!
This like some American Pie version of the Declaration of Independence with all the damn co-signing. Wait a sec… I like it.
We’ll call it:
Official Decree: The Declaration of Indepence from Shower Pubes!
PS: The new comment color sucks. Bring back the old school. Thanks Terry!
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:38 pm rating: 2
#57
D_luv
All we get is this one note? Please please please gimme some more. I’m so strung out on this website!
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:39 pm rating: 0
#58
Michael
Mishee,
Free speech goes both ways, I preferred to use mine in a sarcastic way yesterday that used the style of the site and today as just plain parody for those who recognized it (I must have done it right since you recognized it and I never used your name). In middle school, I just played Oregon trail so if I had written “Mishee has died of dysentery.”, THAT would have been the middle-school approach.
And in no way do I expect you to stop or have it influence your opinion on the site in any way (why would it?). I just like to have fun.
And if this were also middle school, our fight would mean that you totally like me and I’d be awaiting a note that says “Do you like me? Please check yes or no.”
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:40 pm rating: 1
#59
Becca
I don’t understand what everyone is saying about the comment color – I’m in Safari and everything looks normal to me.
On topic – I had a room mate who used to put her hair on the side of the shower if it came out while she was washing it. GROSS. Especially gross because hair squicks me out in general…
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:45 pm rating: 1
#60
Mishee
Check yes or no? Are we stuck in the middle of a George Strait song?
Why do you say that… do you like me? (once again sarcastic).
And if you notice, I never said anywhere that you had no right to say what you did, because yes, Free Speech DOES go both ways…
“I may disagree with what you say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it…”
And on that note…
PUBES, PUBES, PUBES…
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:51 pm rating: 0
#61
Mishee
P.S. Oregon Trail rocks
Aug 20, 2007 at 12:55 pm rating: 0
#62
dawn
“How they get so high, I don’t understand
I use this stall five days a week
A Rocket Puuuuuuube!
Rocket Pube!
And I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time
‘Til I can shower without fear to find
The standard here is lower than at home
Ah, no no no…
A Rocket Pube!
Rocket Puuuuuube!
Leapin’ like clown
To heights unknown”
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:26 pm rating: 19
#63
Michael
I don’t get the George Strait reference, I hate country music. The check yes or no thing has been around a lot longer than he’s been writing songs, if you’re speaking of a lyric he wrote or something. But no, I never said you denied my freedom of speech, I was using it as a counter to you bringing it up. And I think E likes you quite a bit, he sounds like the guy who pushes you on the playground to hide his feelings.
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:28 pm rating: 0
#64
GVI
hey kids calm down before i put you two in timeout
Aug 20, 2007 at 1:46 pm rating: 2
#65
Natalie
I had a roommate in the dorms who created what I can only describe as a modern art hair wall on one wall of our shower. Once a week or so I would dismantle it, but it was like a welcome mat of long curly hair that had clearly been gathered up in her hand and stuck in balled up clumps to the wall.
I’m not unsympathetic, having long hair myself, but after the shower scoop it up and throw it out.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:01 pm rating: 2
#66
Michael
Please do GVI, I can catch up on my nap. Oops, I mean, I can think about what I’ve done. And also imagine being Superman and busting through the wall and running to the tetherball court.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:01 pm rating: 0
#67
BoggyWoggy
I like the battles between commentors. It’s cyber-fighting at its P-A best!
And, personally, I like the yellow “pee” background. It makes my house look cleaner.
And…I really think the hair came from his ear. The guy who pumps my gas has long ear hair and 1 mole on his left FACE cheek with a 3-inch hair growing out of it. I try so hard to not look at it when he comes to the car window, but I can’t stop!
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:17 pm rating: 0
#68
Andy
BoggyWoggy: Are you sure the mole hair doesn’t happen to be an ingrown ear hair?
Actually, regarding the backgrounds, I’d like them to change color based on your mood. That’d be cool. Mine would always be brown, I’d bet. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:26 pm rating: 0
#69
Janey
We had this one girl in our dorm who we called “Enema Girl”. I’ll give you one guess why.
I’d much rather find one rocket pube on the shower curtain than what she left behind in the stalls!
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:29 pm rating: 0
#70
Kristi
oh Andy, I LOL’d. That SHIT was fucking delicious.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:34 pm rating: 0
#71
Mierin
Team pubes are gross, but not as gross as this awful baby poo yellow. It’s like the hideous spawn of pea soup and a post-it note.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:35 pm rating: 0
#72
mikey mouse
shoulder level pubes? More likely some dudes armpit hair that shed off. Ever notice how they are almost the same in looks and texture? In my dorm, we have guys who pluck hair from their armpits to pick some hair, goes to other guy, pretends they were grabbing their own balls, then slather the other guy with their hair. The effect of course is funny and gross at the same time.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:47 pm rating: 1
#73
joobs
#5–thanks for taking my name. Unless you were here before, and I took yours, for which I am sorry. I was the only jules here for awhile, and since you used it, I am now joobs.
I only use “fuck you” when I can’t come up with anything more creative, and I am usually much, much more creative.
P.S. Hi Mishee, comment all you want. It’s a free country, unless, of course, you are in one of the unfree countries.
P.S.S. Hate the baby-puke yellow.
P.S.S.S. (oh, the p.s.ing is SO jr. high) anyone remember George Carlin’s “7 words you can’t say on TV?” For some reason, the word “pubes” reminded me of that.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:49 pm rating: 0
#74
Juliet
Dawn, your comment was excellent!
The funniest passive aggressive note I’ve seen in a while. Hee Hee!
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:50 pm rating: 1
#75
andrew
haha it took me so long to figure WTF the elton john reference was, until i checked back on the site again and read the title of this post. awe-some.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:51 pm rating: 1
#76
GhostWriter
Another vote for Team Make-This-Site-Unobtrusive-For-Worktime-Review (and against Team Comment-Bubble-The-Color-of-Charlie-Borwn’s-Shirt)
Lyrical Submission:
(…sung to the tune of “Rocket Man”)
…and a stinky corner pee a long, long time-
that washcloth- ring it out, and then you find
it’s not the hair you think it is at all,
oh no, no, no…
…it’s a Rocket Pube!
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:52 pm rating: 2
#77
Andy
joobs: Here are the words: Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits.
Ahhhh, I feel better.
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:54 pm rating: 0
#78
GhostWriter
OMG – How did I miss Dawn’s note?!?!
Now, I feel like the guy who repeats your exact joke- waitaminute, I AM That Guy!
Still, maybe it will start a trend of Rocket-Pube parody spin-offs…
Aug 20, 2007 at 2:58 pm rating: 0
#79
joobs
Thanks for the refresher, Andy. I kept thinking of tits–and when he would say Tater Tits, like they were some kind of snack…
like Cocoa Pubes.
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:10 pm rating: 0
#80
joobs
Aw, crap. Now I have the song “Rocket Pubes” running over and over in my head instead of “heart attackackackackackack!”
Thanks Terry! (and Dawn!)
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:19 pm rating: 1
#81
Mishee
“heart attackackackackackack!†– joobs ya kill me! i’m gonna get in trouble at work cause now when I laugh and if someone looks, they will think I am laughing at something about pee.
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:23 pm rating: 0
#82
Oveta
I’m for Team Michael and Team Has Never Seen a Full Service Gas Station
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:33 pm rating: 0
#83
Andy
joobs: Cocoa Pubes! Excellent!
Has anyone thought that perhaps Brandon is a very short guy, sharing a dorm with a basketball team, so his shoulder would correspond to their pube-shedding region? Huh? Or, is it just me?
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:37 pm rating: 5
#84
BoggyWoggy
Mishee,
I’m your boss. I suspected it was you messing around on the job. Haven’t you heard of workplace ethics? Haven’t you heard of bosses keeping track of employee online history?
Get your butt BACK to the front counter and take some more burger orders! Oh, and don’t forget your hairnetQ
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:41 pm rating: 0
#85
Gadget
I’m rethinking my potential move to Irvine.
I’m also hoping to see the “yellow” comment bubbles get cleared away from the shower curtain as well……
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:43 pm rating: 1
#86
joobs
#33-[ aliastaken on Aug 20, 2007 at 10:01 am
What does Brandon expect in a shared shower? When I was in college, we had three showers for a wing of almost 40 people! Kids these days; they just don’t know how to deal.]
I agree. Back in the old days, I had to walk to school in pubes 3 feet high. Uphill both ways.
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:45 pm rating: 6
#87
Tosha
Joobs…I thought I was the only one who had ever walked in pubes uphill both ways.
Aug 20, 2007 at 3:56 pm rating: 0
#88
agirlie
andy-you effing crack me up omg.
Gross note. Did Brandon think they just might be errant back hair? That’s what my S.O. leaves in the shower daily. It’s still gross.
Aug 20, 2007 at 4:05 pm rating: 0
#89
georgie
yay, i’m for team michael too, can he be a permanent poster? i think making songs with new lyrics should be a permanent addition too.
Aug 20, 2007 at 4:43 pm rating: 0
#90
Mom, but not YOUR Mom
I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time! The comments were nearly as hilarious as the original Decree. Thank you to all for causing me to pee in my chair!
Aug 20, 2007 at 5:34 pm rating: 1
#91
Mishee
does your chair now look like these comment bubbles Mom?
Aug 20, 2007 at 5:38 pm rating: 3
#92
Writer, Rejected
Hate the note. Hate Brandon. Hate the idiots who seconded and third/fourthed the note. Hate college boys. Anything I missed?
Aug 20, 2007 at 5:46 pm rating: 2
#93
Oveta
To be clear, I’m anti-Team Attention Whore.
Aug 20, 2007 at 5:58 pm rating: 0
#94
DUH
I would join team ‘Death to All These Goddamned Teams’, but then I would self-destruct or have to immolate myself or something. So I guess I’ll just say:
“I really feel strongly that declaring yourself to be on a ‘team’ is getting really quite irksome.”
Aug 20, 2007 at 6:06 pm rating: 1
#95
GVI
oh and Writer u forgot to hate these pee colored bubbles
Aug 20, 2007 at 6:07 pm rating: 0
#96
GVI
and u also forgot to thank terry
Aug 20, 2007 at 6:07 pm rating: 0
#97
Writer, Rejected
Oh, but I don’t hate you.
Aug 20, 2007 at 7:14 pm rating: 0
#98
robin
dude, shave the damn pubes off
this aint’ the 70s
Aug 20, 2007 at 7:16 pm rating: 1
#99
Mishee
well, now the bubbles look like little gray rainclouds… reminding me of my 2 years just spend in Oregon/Washington…
but still better than the pee color.
Aug 20, 2007 at 7:25 pm rating: 0
#100
Mrs. Bender
So, if having “Rocket Pubes” is something that might be genetic or hereditary, possibly wrapping the glad bag around it which could be uncomfortable and it may lower or completely destroy sperm counts/ability to have children – maybe that’s the way to go then, and then we can wipe out all of the carriers of “Rocket Pubes” everywhere!
Bag ‘em up boys!!
Aug 20, 2007 at 7:36 pm rating: 3
#101
aliastaken
Haha, Robin, good call. Brandon’s roommates, welcome to 2007.
Aug 20, 2007 at 7:58 pm rating: 0
#102
GVI
i see the great almighty PAN GOD, heared our crys for change and decided to change our comment boxes from pee color to raincloud grey. ALL HAIL THE ALMIGHTY PAN GOD!!!
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:14 pm rating: 0
#103
Oedipa Maas
Rocket-Pube-themed haiku with gratuitous references to previous PAN postings:
rene’s smoking pubes
killing anthony grosso
rapist! thanks terry
if i had one wish
there would be no pubes, or cups
piled in the sink
hey, guess what i bought!
energy-saving light bulbs
and matching blue pubes!
put the fucking pubes
in the fucking fucking fridge
so they’re nice and cold
your pube has been here
ten days without paying rent:
seventy-six bucks
Aug 20, 2007 at 9:34 pm rating: 4
#104
Sallyanne
How does the person know it’s not armpit or facial hair?
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:13 pm rating: 1
#105
Foxtrot
It’s like the Supreme Court said of pornography. You know a pube when you see it. Btw, if you have facial hari that resembles pubes you’re either Teen Wolf or one of those Hispanic guys on the Maury Show. And if that’s the case, you have much bigger problems than an disgruntled roommate
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:18 pm rating: 2
#106
Ash
bravo, #111. that is fantastic. =)
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:19 pm rating: 0
#107
Heather
Jethro eats pubes.
He says they taste like sugar cubes.
Jethro also says he wants to lick them
off Dolly Partons voluptous boobs.
Aug 20, 2007 at 10:20 pm rating: 0
#108
sdfj
would you rather a pube here and there, or live in a shoebox with your frat buddies who haven’t washed their balls in months?
and who the hell has the time to inspect the entire area for hairs in a bathroom ? Get your own place, Brandon, or deal with it.
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:39 pm rating: 0
#109
BoggyWoggy
Mishee,
Once again, now in clearer English:
Go back to the front counter and take another order for sodas. Doin’ the burgers has been too difficult for you, especially when people want to “have it your way,” like our old theme song says. The pop machine might be easier for you. Now, get off the computer and quit boring folks with your egocentrism!
I’m going to have to lower your pay from $8.23/hour to $7.99 now!
Aug 20, 2007 at 11:47 pm rating: 0
#110
slythwolf
Who wants to bet it was actually an armpit hair? Anyone? Bueller?
Aug 21, 2007 at 12:01 am rating: 0
#111
Zsa
Love it Mrs. Bender # 108~ Kill All Rocket Pubes!
But really, I found many more disgusting things in the women’s dorm showers- including a guy passed out in his own puke. Now THAT was a wake up call for my 7am class. The showers smelled like puke for days…God only knows how long he was there.
Aug 21, 2007 at 12:10 am rating: 1
#112
Deb
Too f***ing funny. I love how each profane word add just the right amount of “oomph” to emphasize just how disgusted he was. Because I mean, really! How does a pube get up to shoulder level?!! Ewww.
Aug 21, 2007 at 12:58 am rating: 2
#113
Wolf
And this is why I shave my pubes, so I don’t have rocket pubes splatting on walls etc. XD
Aug 21, 2007 at 1:24 am rating: 2
#114
GhostWriter
Lyrical submission (b):
sung to the tune of “Rocet Man’)
In the sink he goes, and clings a long, long time.
Toothbrush don’t swing around enough to find
Hair not in drain; you stink- and damn it all,
oh, no, No, NO!
that’s a Rocket Pube….
Aug 21, 2007 at 8:06 am rating: 3
#115
Joanna
“like a clown out of a circus cannon.”
I don’t remember the last time I laughed this hard.
Perhaps Brandon should provide the necessary accoutrements for his fellow shower users. Possibly a small shelf in the shower could be home to baggies and rubber bands.
Aug 21, 2007 at 12:32 pm rating: 3
#116
GhostWriter
Lyrical submission (c):
(sung to the tune of “Rocket Man” chorus)
Undies stink and smell like pee, a long long time,
’till someone wrings ‘em out and hairs subside.
Armada handfuls on the bathroom stall-
I know no cure…
for the Rocket Pube….
Aug 21, 2007 at 1:01 pm rating: 0
#117
Kristi
Oedipa Maas, I love the haikus. I must pay tribute as well.
SHIT SHIT SHITTY SHIT
pubes go in the copy room
this is fucking delicious
Aug 21, 2007 at 1:24 pm rating: 1
#118
Kristi
love the haikus, Oedipa Maas! I must pay tribute as well.
SHIT SHIT SHITTY SHIT
pubes go in the copy room
this is fucking delicious
Aug 21, 2007 at 1:25 pm rating: 0
#119
Nanna
Team anti-attention-whores. Also Team Rocket Pube lyrics. You guys crack me up.
Aug 21, 2007 at 2:43 pm rating: 0
#120
BoggyWoggy
Mishee,
Do you even know what the “heartattackackackack” statement refers to? If so, let us know. Hint, it’s probably from a song made before you were born. Hint #2, the singer’s name fits into these spaces:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Aug 21, 2007 at 7:33 pm rating: 0
#121
jane
Best one I have seen in awhile!! PFF!!
Aug 21, 2007 at 7:41 pm rating: 0
#122
Olivia
bwahahahahahahahha……
Aug 21, 2007 at 9:09 pm rating: 0
#123
joobs
Pube haiku.
ROFLMAO
Aug 21, 2007 at 9:52 pm rating: 0
#124
loren
nothing like a pube haiku to wrap up a fucking delicious set of PANs.
Aug 21, 2007 at 11:44 pm rating: 0
#125
TeeHee
How exactly is Hemingway positive the hair is pube in nature?
Aug 23, 2007 at 5:15 pm rating: 0
#126
Barbara
Rocket pubes ar e killing Brandon. Please, Rocket Pube Guy, stop killing Brandon, thank you Terry
Aug 24, 2007 at 5:27 am rating: 0
#127
claw71
Wow, budding young attorneys here. Of course they will have to get this documented notarized in order to give it any legal standing.
Still, I feel sorry for the hairy offender. What if the follicles in question are not of the pubic variety? This doesn’t excuse someone for leaving hair behind but I’d hate to think somebody with rocket pubes would be singled out when the offender might be somebody with wayward chest hair.
Aug 24, 2007 at 3:38 pm rating: 0
#128
Jess
Man I CRIED From laughing so hard at this one! It’s so funny! I mean from the rocket pubes to catapulting and the GLAD Bag! LOL I”m sure he got his message across!!
Aug 25, 2007 at 1:01 am rating: 2
#129
BoggyWoggy
I heard that the Rocket Pubes lost a piece of foam insulation during take-off. As a result, they might burn up during reentry!
Team: NASA
Aug 25, 2007 at 3:39 pm rating: 0
#130
Tom W
hillarious !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aug 27, 2007 at 2:27 am rating: 0
#131
Mrs. G
young Brandon has obviously never worked in a hotel. just as well; he seems rather easily alarmed.
Aug 27, 2007 at 7:08 pm rating: 0
#132
Austin of Sundrip
This is soooo why I come to this site. LOL
Aug 27, 2007 at 7:42 pm rating: 2
#133
Lovecarrots
I’m with Mandy, it may not have been a pube at all, it could have been a brillo head… and thank you Boggy Woggy for making my day!
Cheers
Mrs Linda Carrot
Aug 28, 2007 at 8:00 am rating: 0
#134
Ariel
hahahaha
i’m showing this note to everyone i know with a sense of humor
Aug 29, 2007 at 2:53 am rating: 0
#135
Strepsi
“SHOOT off your nutsack like a fucking clown out of a circus cannon” — BWAHAHAHA!
Best one in a while. Well written, well done.
Aug 29, 2007 at 1:07 pm rating: 2
#136
NotTheGuyNextDoor
He can’t seriously expect perfection in the shower. He also can’t think that the only hair it could have been is a pubic hair. He just wanted to look like the funny guy to whoever his audience is. (And he was successful for me.)
Sep 11, 2007 at 10:55 pm rating: 0
#137
deeem
I’m with Black Bellamy.
Sep 14, 2007 at 4:29 am rating: 0
#138
brinkofacomplex
this is one of my all-time favourites. i laughed so hard i cried.
Brandon may be majorly overreacting, and in need of a dictionary, but he gets my vote anyway.
Oct 3, 2007 at 10:17 pm rating: 2
#139
Sunny Melons
Those pubes were fucking delicious!
(sorry if somebody’s posted that already; I couldn’t bear to read any more comments)
Nov 4, 2007 at 6:04 am rating: 0
#140
pubelessinseattle
When I first found this site, I read this one. (I spent more than 45 min. perusing site that time.)
I then LOST this note!! I actually emailed the website staff to help me find.
I entered “pube” in search, to no avail.
I am keeping this note… forever… to re-read whenever I need a lift in mood.
Better than Prozac!
Nov 27, 2007 at 12:56 pm rating: 1
#141
pubelessinseattle
(DONE?)
Nov 27, 2007 at 12:58 pm rating: 0
#142
creeped
HA I JUST stumbled across this site today and to my surprise look what i found! The guy chris, who signed in agreement, I work for his dad. And I agree, no pubes FTW plz.
Dec 3, 2007 at 4:01 am rating: 0
#143 losing lisa
[...] related: i think it’s going to be a long long time [...]
Dec 4, 2007 at 1:05 pm rating: 0
#144
Spike
That was one of the funniest ones i have seen i work in a call center doing tech support and was waiting for a computer to restart reading that and almost died trying to not burst out laughing in the customers ear before hitting the mute button
Dec 10, 2007 at 11:35 pm rating: 1
#145
Man Past Puberty
Hahaha… This dude obviously hasn’t actually reached, or passed, puberty. The hair you develop as an adult is constantly falling out and replacing itself for one thing – for another, it doesn’t “shoot” off like a clown out of a rocket or anything else, it just moves. That pube was washed off and got stuck to the shower curtain with the soap that flew around whilst washing was going on (my best guess, since that’s how mine end up on the shower curtain as far as I can tell.) Settle your prude ass down, and grow up. Dope…
Dec 26, 2007 at 8:15 pm rating: 0
#146
Jeff Caplan
“You’re” grammar is horrible. Please check your punctuation and diction.
Apr 2, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: 0
#147
Skeltz
the second I read the term “rocket pubes” I almost fell out of my chair.
Apr 3, 2008 at 12:58 am rating: 2
#148
aghathon
“apologies in advance” – yeah I choked so bad on my coffee now while lmao, this nearly fking killed me
Apr 10, 2008 at 5:55 am rating: 0
#149
laughs
Love it !!! I work at the university where this was posted (looked up the people who signed on the directory + city where post originated= not too hard.) It least we get a reputation for something other than being a bunch of nerds, even if it is rocket pubes. For the record. The school in question has the Anteater as a mascot. Let the jokes begin.
Apr 15, 2008 at 6:46 pm rating: 0
#150
FastFingers
I love how not ONE PERSON thought for ONE SECOND that it could have POSSIBLY been – dare I say it??? – a CHEST hair??? Shoulder level? Dark and curly??? I’ll betcha dollars to donuts that when Tom Selleck’s wife sees a short and curly on the shower curtain, she never thinks he has ROCKET PUBES!!!
Apr 18, 2008 at 5:30 pm rating: 2
#151
slovespa
Brandon has yet to reach puberty and has no armpit or chest hair. is that him singing Celine Dion in the shower?
Apr 22, 2008 at 4:44 pm rating: 1
#152
slovespa
Brandon has yet to grow armpit hair or chest hair and seems to think that “pubic” means groin. Stay in school Brandon, and by the way, when you sing Celine Dion in the shower it sounds beautiful…enjoy it while it lasts, your voice will change someday.
Apr 22, 2008 at 5:28 pm rating: 1
#153
dick
brandon youre a fucking faggot you probably put that shit in your mouth afterwards little pussy
Apr 24, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: 0
#154
FarSide
Dearest Brandon,
If you look closer, that was not soap scum next to the pube hair. Hope that does not gross out your hairless pre-pubescent package.
Jul 1, 2008 at 1:46 am rating: 0
#155
jelloegg
ROCKET PUBES???!!! Loooooooooooooooool!!! LMAO!
Jul 3, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: 0
#156
pubalicious
love the note. somewhat unrelated story from high-school years that i just remembered:
there was a boy we used to hang out with whose nickname was shoebox. but only the boys called him shoebox, b/c none of us girls knew what it meant. until i dated his best friend, who informed me that this guy was so excited when he first started getting his pubic hair that he plucked them all out and kept them in a shoebox. apparently he did this through most of high school, keeping his groin pube-free and his shoebox ever-full.
so there you go.
Jul 3, 2008 at 4:26 pm rating: 1
#157
rehash
i had to get up and get a beer to chill myself out (from laughing so hard) “… like a f***ing clown out of a circus cannon …” its like he’s OCD w/ Turrets Syndrome and a sprinkle of passive aggression
Jul 5, 2008 at 10:42 pm rating: 1
#158
Brigitte
Enough with all the “hair is gross” stuff already!!!! I swear, so many Americans appear to be OBSESSED with this concept.
In the grand scheme of things, hair really isn’t that gross, is it?? Especially hair which has been WASHED IN THE SHOWER.
This is a running theme in a lot of these notes from dorms, share bathrooms etc and it’s my opinion that these folks desperately need to get some perspective. I would rather the odd ball of hair any day compared to, say, spew, poo, blood or maybe even scabs.
Team not-afraid-of-the-odd-stray-hair.
Jul 8, 2008 at 10:18 pm rating: 1
#159
canadiankid
hilarious!
Jul 19, 2008 at 12:24 am rating: 0
#160
PandoraWombat
Maybe Cartman can buy some of his pubes…
Aug 3, 2008 at 11:31 am rating: 0
#161
Glen
This entry/note is really funny! those who second, third and fourth the motion was insanely hilarious!
Oct 26, 2008 at 7:38 am rating: 0
#162
hairy bob
Ever heard of chest hair? Guess what, it is also short, black, and curly. Relax.
Nov 3, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 3
#163
leah
“lathering, rinsing, a little repeating.”
this person is fantastic.
Nov 14, 2008 at 7:16 pm rating: 0
#164
stopwhining
It’s a community shower. There are going to be some pubes. Chill out.
Nov 20, 2008 at 6:37 pm rating: 1
#165
HolyHamstersBatman
I fear for whichever poor Soros-titute that gets drunk enough to give Mr. Rocket Pubes his next blowjob. Think she’ll be impaled in the forehead by one of those hairy missiles?
Nov 20, 2008 at 10:57 pm rating: 1
#166
Cailin
Drop the P; that’s just aggressive.
Dec 11, 2008 at 1:33 am rating: 1
#167
Fawn
Can I just say that this note is fuckin’ hilarious?
And also, what was the submitter doing in a men’s shower in a dorm?
Dec 12, 2008 at 8:53 pm rating: 0
#168
TheOldSchool
PMD
Pubes of Mass Destruction
Jan 1, 2009 at 4:59 am rating: 2
#169
karolbiscardi
like a fucking clown out of a circus canon
lol
Feb 17, 2009 at 8:11 am rating: 0
#170
Claire
Okay, I laughed out loud while reading this (more accurately, I giggled furiously)…but still…
Pubic hair is neither disgusting nor unsanitary. It’s just hair. On your pubes. Yes, it should be cleaned up like any other bathroom leavings (same with head-hair that falls off when brushed), but it is not inherently gross.
That note was one of the funniest things I have ever read, though.
Feb 17, 2009 at 3:55 pm rating: 1
#171
Lelahmunster
I laughed so hard i fucking cried.
Mar 4, 2009 at 4:37 pm rating: 1
#172
degraff19er
Brandon is obviously not wise enough to realize that arm pit hair can be up that high on a shower curtain, especialy if one’s arm is raised while washing the pits.
Chest hair can also get that high. Brandon is a punk-ass 18 year old that thinks he knows everything, and jumps to conclusions too quickly.
Mar 25, 2009 at 9:25 am rating: 2
#173
GK
I wish somebody would delete your triplicate post which wasn’t even worth reading once. And the word “dun” refers to a colour, I have no idea how you’re attempting to use it here. I bet you don’t even have a shift key.
Mar 25, 2009 at 12:28 pm rating: 3
#174
Stephanie
One of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I can’t stop laughing
Apr 10, 2009 at 2:58 pm rating: 1
#175
dumdum
I’m on team it’s- just-a-fucking-pube-on-the-curtain-if-you-rub-up-against-the-shower-curtain-you’ll-never-get-clean-anyway,-Brandon.
But yet, i do like Brandon’s style.
And, “your pubes fucking SHOOT off your nutsack like a clown out of a fucking circus cannon.” Joy!
May 12, 2009 at 6:33 pm rating: 2
#176
only meh
so has anyone thought of the fact that it may just be long side burns
May 26, 2009 at 1:55 pm rating: 0
#177
COURTNEY
HAHAHAHA too good!
Jun 15, 2009 at 1:43 pm rating: 0
#178
imp
rocket pubes are fucking delicious~~
Jul 23, 2009 at 10:49 am rating: 0
#179
Anonymoose
What if he was jerking off and, when he opened the shower curtain, got a rocket pube on the curtain? Eh? EH?
Sep 13, 2009 at 2:03 am rating: 0
#180
Emma
I love Brandon
Sep 19, 2009 at 8:41 pm rating: 0
#181
Damon
Gross or not it’s a matter of common or in this case uncommon courtesy. Before you get out of the shower, take a look around and rinse if necessary.
Nov 19, 2009 at 11:41 pm rating: 1
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