if you can afford $10 worth of flair…

August 28th, 2007 · 197 comments

Says “anony-scrooge”:

My office is ridiculous about cards and donations. The smallest of occasions warrants cards, money, balloons, flowers, a singing telegram, etc. Last Christmas was no exception. By mid-December, we had been asked for no less than $150 each in contributions for this and that.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was the sudden appearance of a Christmas ‘adopt a family’ program, and the family selected was one of our employees who had very recently fell asleep at the wheel and crashed his car. It was all very tragic (sarcasm), but many people drew the line at putting more money in the hat to replace his giant mystery machine van. So almost nobody gave. Well, somebody was pissed…

if you can afford $10 worth of flair...

FILED UNDER: e-mail · money · office · party planning committee

197 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Potbelly

    Collections at work are so annoying. I just wish they would take a set amount from each person each year, put it all in an account and just give you your money back out of it on your birthday.

    Aug 28, 2007 at 10:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   southern girl

    So true Potbelly, they always expect to give and give, and they make you feel like you HAVE to give something, or else look like the company assh*le!

    I also agree, gimme my $ back for my bday! LOL

    Aug 28, 2007 at 10:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   claw71

    I need to check if my employer would adopt my family in the event that I total my car. If so I’m calling that stupid lizard and closing out my policy. Why pay premiums if your coworkers will pony up a fund?

    I think if I worked with the jerk who sent this message I would resort to physical violence. Regardless of gender. The only way to respond to a message like this is with a firm slap in the face.

    Aug 28, 2007 at 10:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   smussyolay

    wow. what a presumptuous shit of a comment. (the post, that is.) gah.

    Aug 28, 2007 at 10:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   LC

    I consider myself a christian and as such, I feel that the addition of “prayerfully consider” as a means of inducing guilt is downright obscene. I’ll “prayerfully consider” telling your sanctimonious, smug self where to shove your unwarranted demands for money…

    I cannot STAND people asking for donations at work. I mean, if I had so much money to throw around, I’d probably wouldn’t be working at all now would I?

    I also thought “adopt-a-family” was meant to help people who are REAAALLLY destitute, not some short-busser that wrecked their car and want a new one instead of hopping the mass transit to work….LAME!

    Aug 28, 2007 at 10:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Andy

    I like how the writer inferred that people could go without one of their luxurious $10 lunches to donate more money.

    Besides, why is Christmas about material things? Is the guy out of work? Did he crash the car with all of their presents? I need more details.

    I think this emailer needs to watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and learn what Christmas is really about, heathen.

    Aug 28, 2007 at 11:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Potbelly

    #2, I know! Nobody likes to have to constantly peel off $20 to go in some pot that is arbitrarily spent on some random thing that the recipient couldn’t give a crap for.

    I’m all for everyone taking a little break to sing Happy Birthday, have cake (paid for by the company) and celebrate the birthday person. Being extorted? Not so much. Giving and receiving just loses it’s charm when it’s enforced by bureaucracy.

    As for this fellow, it’s too bad he’s without a car but falling asleep at the wheel is pretty avoidable and just a step above driving drunk. I’m also assuming that the person drives without insurance (hence needing the collection). That sketchy combo doesn’t much tug at my heartstrings.

    Aug 28, 2007 at 11:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Wry Exchange

    I’d be pissed about ‘voluntarily’ donating over $150.00 at Christmastime, especially if I didn’t celebrate Christmas. Whoever wrote that note could jolly well be Secret Santa all by himself for the idiot who can’t sleep and drive.

    Aug 28, 2007 at 11:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Anna-banana

    Donations….smonations….It does get old!

    Aug 28, 2007 at 11:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Andy

    anony-scrooge: With the “mystery machine van”, is his name Shaggy? Zoinks!

    Aug 28, 2007 at 11:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Katy

    If the guy didn’t have insurance to pay for a new car (or repairs to his old one), then he should 1) buy it this time since it’s illegal to drive without it and 2) put in overtime. That’s what your job is for–money to pay for your stupid mistakes.

    If everyone in the office chipped in $10 and there’s 40 people, that’s $400, which really doesn’t put much of a dent in the downpayment for a new car. Whoever thought of the “adopt-a-family” idea needs to get their head on straight and try something easier, like asking everyone to donate canned goods to give to a homeless shelter. Those souls need it a lot more than sleepy Homer needs a new car.

    Aug 28, 2007 at 11:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Janet

      AMEN, to that!

      Dec 10, 2007 at 5:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   joobs

    Dear Merry Christmas,

    I wouldn’t have to spend so much on lunch if people would stop stealing my turkey and cheese sandwiches from the break-room refrigerator.

    I agree with the above-mentions. If I was the sleepy idiot employee, I’d be very thankful if anyone gave me ANY amount. The letter says they’ve collected $200, and about the same amount from another place. Damn, I’d be grateful to get that at Christmastime.

    But to call it an adopt-a-family situation and then try to guilt people into giving is wrong. We don’t always know if the big spender at lunch is maybe having soup for dinner at home, or what causes they may already donate to.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   stephanie

    It sounds like someone is trying to buy her (and I bet it’s a ‘her’) way into heaven or something.

    Our office has a “social fund” that we all pay into every year. It pays for all the cards, pizza, gifts, etc. that inevitably happen. They beg for the social fund for a few weeks every year, but that’s all. I think it’s a good system. Which reminds me…I need to pay up.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   spiderflowers

    Hey, if you shop around you might just be able to get that guy a nice beater of a car for $400. Some people and their terribly expensive Mystery Machines! The nerve of them. Maybe it would teach him a lesson if he had to drive (or push, more likely) around a cheapo car instead of something fancy.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Nanna

    200 bucks could buy a hell of a lot of people a Christmas dinner and guilting people into paying out tons of money at Christmastime is lame. I don’t make much and always have to budget carefully. And for the guy’s family, yeah, I can see that, but to replace his car? Hell no! He crashed it because he fell asleep. The husband of one of my coworkers, married since they were kids, over 2 years, died very suddenly of lung cancer and had never smoked a day in his life. We gave to help with funeral expenses. THAT is helping. THAT is a worthy cause.

    This person seems like one of those people who LOVES to orchestrate this kind of thing because it makes HER look good, not because she is helping. I hate that.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Nanna

    I meant they were married 20 years. He died a month after the diagnosis.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Jessica

    If you have to justify whether a person “deserves” a gift, it is not really a gift. None of us deserve anything. What is wrong with helping our fellow man, just because he made a mistake?

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Lisa


    It is wrong when you’re forced to, as is with the case in this situation.

    Plus, people need to learn to take responsibility for themselves. If I had crashed my car, you’d better believe I would have nixed any “collection/ fund” right in the bud, and raised the money myself.

    Collections and funds of this sort should be restricted to kids with rare ailments and debilitating cancers (etc.), not retards without common sense.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Joanna

    Giving to a charity is personal and it should not be assumed that someone is or isn’t capable of distributing THEIR OWN MONEY where they’d like.

    Where I work the company pays for cake on your birthday or a day off with pay. I’ve never been solicited for money at my workplace, ever.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Foxtrot

    These type of donation Nazis are running rampant in plenty of offices. People are required to act in a civil manner with each other at work. However, they are not required to give $200 to some chump who recklessly fell asleep while driving his kidnapper-esque van. I’ll kick in $5 or $10 for our Boss’s gift at Christmas but if an employee asked for $200 for another employee’s van, I’d give $0.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 7:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   claw71

    I hate Christmas Nazis almost as much as I loath those Jesus junkies who are too busy thumping their bibles to take time to read them. The irony is that neither class gets it. You can’t celebrate Christmas at the point of a gun, even the metaphorical ones, and Jesus didn’t take souls by force.


    It’s crap like this that forces HR departments to draft restrictive policies prohibiting these collections and religious proliferation. Then HR gets characterized as robotic and heartless. NO, HR is tired of mopping up after everybody.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 7:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   ginger

    i would be utterly humiliated if people i work with started an adopt a famliy style collection for me. i agree with thr folks who said he should have had insurance. i wouldn’t donate to such a collection. so many more worthy causes.
    the person who wrote that e-mail is just an arse hole

    Aug 29, 2007 at 7:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   S.S.

    Um…did the a-hole that wrote this letter ever consider that maybe employees JUST DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE MONEY?


    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   aliastaken

    To #1:

    At my last job, someone collected 40 bucks every September as a contribution to the “Sunshine Club”. There were strict rules about what the money in the fund was to be used for… not birthdays, but flowers if someone was sick or someone had a family member die. My finances are tight, so I politely declined to contribute and just told them to skip my flowers if I got sick or someone died in my family. Looking back, it wasn’t a very smart move, since the president of the club talked shit about me to everyone. I grew to care about that less and less, as slowly, as I grew to hate almost all the people I worked with. I think taking up donations should be banned in the workplace. Can’t we all ‘prayfully consider’ making our own contributions should a need arise. I can manage to send my own birthday greetings and sympathy cards, thanks.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   claw71

    The worst might be United Way. It’s like a cult. I had a former director who was bucking for a seat at the heavy hitters table within the United Way organization. He managed to establish an automatic payroll deduction program and would personally review the program with individuals who didn’t participate.

    You’ve never seen a human being turn a deeper shade of red than he did when I told him that the United Way was a scam. He actually called me selfish. I WAS MAKING $9.00/hr to his six figure salary. Plus he was on the United Way’s payroll. Looking back I really should have pulled a Jason and sent a pedantic P/A rant to everybody in the company.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Mandy (decidedly not christian and HIGHLY amused)

    LC says:

    “I consider myself a christian and as such”

    …..but just a bit later:

    “not some short-busser that wrecked their car and want a new one instead of hopping the mass transit to work….LAME!”

    What a beautifully Christian thing to say. (=


    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Moe

    My office is also one of those that is donate-happy. It seems not a week goes by that someone isn’t taking up a collection for someone’s baby, or someone’s aunt’s cousin dying, or a birthday, or a surgery, or someone’s *pet* having surgery, or my personal favorite: someone leaving the project. We have about a third of our floor staffed by consultants. Most of them hop from one project to another for 6 months at a time. It’s their JOB. Most of the time they come back within the year anyway. I don’t see the purpose in a tearful farewell party.

    Our HR person also likes to send out emails whenever any current or former employee dies or has a relative die. This happens no matter how obscure the relative. Keep in mind that my company employs 13,000 people. I’m lucky if I know everyone on my floor. 99% of these people no one has ever heard of and could care less if they shuffled off the mortal coil, much less if their great-great-great aunt twice removed just kicked the bucket. There are requests for donations on those as well.

    That being said, at least no one in the office *expects* me or anyone else to donate. It’s all strictly voluntary. I simply never volunteer unless it’s for someone I personally know and like.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   sab

    I think the worst part of all is “prayerfully.” If the sender-inner works anywhere but a church or parochial school (or Associated Aid for Lutherans, etc.), that is totally inappropriate.

    And to add to the comment above mine: yeah, the United Way thing is really awful. In high school I worked for about $6.50/hr at a place that guilt-tripped us all into automatic paycheck deductions for United Way every year – we had to watch a video about how great United Way was and all the people they helped.

    The second year I was there, I quit the job in November, after pledging earlier to donate from my next year’s checks. In January, United Way MAILED ME AN INVOICE for the contribution, after I was no longer working there! They still didn’t get their money.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   Goldie

    Okay this is scary – this is an almost exact copy of a letter everybody in our church got a few years ago concerning stewardship. It, too, listed the total donations, number of families, average donation per family, concluding that we could do better than that and suggesting a 50% increase next year. To top it off, the guy in charge gave a speech where he proposed that we save money for donations by spending less at Starbucks… WHAT Starbucks? Guess what, the following year, people gave LESS, instead of 50% more as they were told… surprise, surprise.
    I thought our guy came up with these ideas all by himself, but apparently it’s a whole school of thought out there… they actually use the same language… amazing.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   Jordan

    I am so tired of being asked for money at work. Everyday someone is having surgery, celebrating a birth, getting married etc. Just yesterday I was asked to donate money because a person was celebrating 30 years at our company. Take your “reserved” parking spot and shut your mouth. A party is not in order.

    I’ll spend $25 dollars at lunch if I choose- and eat it while passing the envelope without giving a dime.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   JM

    If the company wants to help Mr Sleepy that is fine but to ask his fellow employees to short their own families at the holidays is wrong. As for the “prayerful consideration” perhaps ther writer needs to pay closer attention to the sermon at church (assuming he/she actually attends) to remember the true meaning of CHRISTmas and charity.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Susan

    I’m with #50/Jordan. It’s none of anyone’s DAMN business how much I spend on lunch or where I eat it!! Mind your own f*#king business and keep your nose out of my lunch AND paycheck!

    Oh yeah, and stuff the “prayerfully” comment – the workplace isn’t church and keep your religion to yourself!

    (I don’t know if I’m in a bad mood this morning or if this e-mail just flies all over me. Probably a bit of both!)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   Katie

    In my office, we have an army of older ladies that have nothing better to do than sit around and organize the next unnecessary charitable contribution. If contributions are low, it just gives them gossip fodder so they can sit around judge everyone. Ugh!
    Unfortunately these self-righteous do-gooders are everywhere. I am all for helping those in need, but sometimes things get taken to the extreme.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   claw71

    In the unlikely event I do trim my expenses at places like Starbucks, I’m keeping that money to buy myself a new set of skis. But I might chip in a buck to buy Sleepy a bus pass.

    Team SCREW everybody else.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   Randi

    What a bunch of crap!! Also, you can shove your “prayerful’ consideration right up your nose!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   jordan

    I’m with claw71.
    Team SCREW everybody else!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   Heather

    Anyone else reminded of the Seinfeld episode in which Elaine gets too much cake at work? She calls in sick, but upon her return, her co-workers give her…more cake!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   Hannah

    At my work, whenever something like this happens (or if someone has a baby or something) we don’t donate money: we volunteer to bring the family dinner on a night we can pitch in. I think it’s great. It can be really simple, plus you can feed yourself and do it on your own time. And if it’s a baby, you get to see the new baby!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Janet

      Now see, THAT is a great idea! To Hades with that “prayerful considerations” crap.

      Dec 10, 2007 at 5:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   Sandy

    Ok…so the guy doesn’t have a car…what about the person who has no choice but to walk to work or bum rides because he honestly can’t afford a car for whatever reason (maybe they have health issues or something, I don’t know). I was one of those people once…I didn’t have a car and had to bum rides from people since I wasn’t on the bus route…no one ever donated at christmastime or otherwise to buy me a car…

    Maybe I just worked for/with a bunch of slackers…

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   Mierin

    for a minute I thought, ooh that’s nice, adopt a family!!! A poor African family gets food and clean water for a year!! Oh wait no…it’s a local guy..Well, they probably lost their house and all their christmas gifts in a fire, so they’ll get the 7-9 year old girl an age/gender appropriate barbie, the 2-4 year old boy an age/gender appropriate tonka truck, and the mummy and daddy some mugs stuffed with flavoured coffee packets from Tim Hortons. Top it all off with a big Christmas Ham! Oh no…it’s just a retarded co-worker who crashed his van, and they’re taking up a collection to buy him what, a new gas guzzling climate changing carbon emitting MYSTERY MACHINE?
    Captain Planet is crying.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   Black Bellamy

    I say something like: I’m sorry money is really tight right now but I would love to lead an after-work prayer group to generate positive energy for person X. It shouldn’t take more than an hour, and we can do it three times a week. Can I count on you to come?

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   Goldie

    Just buy the man a remote controlled car, two hundred bucks should get him a good one.
    Or, or, how about a bike? Get him a bicycle. This way, if he falls asleep at the wheel again, at least he won’t be likely to cause much damage.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   Jake

    Anony-scrooge’s co-worker should see if he’s eligible for a handout from George Costanza’s The Human Fund.

    The Human Fund: Money for People

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   Toby

    No one has ever asked me for a monetary donation at work. Except for “Fourties at 4 on Fridays.” There is a jar in the kitchen in which everyone puts a few dollars if he or she wants to get hooked up with a fourty. Then, on Friday, a volunteer will take the money and run to the convenience store across the street.

    Now that is a donation we can all rally around!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #45   Paul

    “but some of us have been richly blessed?”

    Sweetheart…I don’t know about you…but I actually have to study all the damned time to do what I do. I wouldn’t exactly call that being richly blessed, more like forever in school.

    I have a phrase for the author of this email and Rip Van Winkle over there:

    Your inability to plan ahead does not my emergency make.

    Go pound sand!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #46   claw71

    I guess the better passive aggressive note in this saga is the lack of donations responsible for triggering a double-barreled blast of guilt from the holier-than-thou gun.

    Team Read Between the Lines
    Team SCREW Everybody Else
    Team Power Nap

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #47   super_fan#99

    LMAO @ Captain Planet is crying.

    Toby, good effort but it’s “forty”. Unless there is some weird Canadian/British spelling in which case I still think you are fucked up.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #48   Mrs. Bender

    What about Adopting the Family of the person who was crashed into by a sleepy driver? (if there was another car involved) Makes more sense than covering for some fool who didn’t know enough to pull to the side of the road and rest or possibly NOT DRIVE! Dumbass! And I agree about buying him a bus pass instead – dude shouldn’t be driving!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #49   Zelda

    The second someone busts out “carefully and prayerfully” they lose me.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   GK

      Hey “Zelda”, last time I checked you were one of the chosen representatives of the Three Golden Goddesses, so you might want to check that anti-prayer attitude a little! :-) Y’know, just consider it carefully and prayerfully.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 8:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #50   Mierin

    Speaking for lovers of Canadian and British spelling everywhere – It’s forty. Our obsessive use of U doesn’t extend THAT far.

    That being said, what does the forty refer to? Is it like…the alcohol? You can get that at convenience stores? And who gets the forty? Is it like a lottery?

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #51   super_fan#99

    Forty refers to a big bottle of beer, 40 ounces.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #52   guidomann

    I once worked for a company that used to take donations for the needy, that was bad enough but I usually gave in and contributed something. One day my boss walked in and said he needed 20 dollars for a woman who had taken sick (she was our receptionist). The caveat was that this woman was the OWNER OF THE COMPANY’s wife! He was getting ready to sell the company for several MILLION dollars. I just looked at him and said “Fuck NO”!! That was the end of that!
    I was asked no more.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #53   CA Girl

    I worked for a few companies that asked for a donation weekly to be “allowed” to wear jeans on Casual Friday. I found that kind of messed up, I’ve never before or since been asked by a company for money to be able to dress down on Fridays! But at least most of the time they didn’t go around and collect, they left a jar out by the mail stop and people would add to it – most of the time I didn’t add to it though (not like I should have to dress “up” anyways, like the accounting dept actually ever comes in personal contact with pretty much ANYONE ever anyways!)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #54   Rachel B.

    Team “None of your business where I make charitable contributions and where I choose to eat lunch!”

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #55   CA Girl

    BTW i’m looking for a nice man in CA to keep me warm at night. So if any of you fellas want to hit me up go to my myspace page. My U/N is goatlover.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #56   jordan

    CA Girl-
    We have to pay a dollar if we want to wear jeans on Mondays and Fridays! I just LOVE working for the State! It goes to charity but I wouldn’t pay to wear jeans if cost a penny.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #57   Captain Planet


    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #58   CA Girl

    What the heck was that about #55? What did I do to you?? @Jordan – I totally agree with you, but at least it goes to charity… so they say!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #59   mere

    no wait.. did that note say ‘PRAYERFULLY consider’?!!
    just for that, i would take $10 OUT of the box.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #60   DuCe

    I prayerfully hope that CA Girl isn’t serious about the username “goatlover”. On the main subject I think the whole idea of in house charities is fine I have no problem with them. However, trying to make other feel guilty for not giving is a bad idea, I say this because I would be one of the people that replies, “well you only donated 2 bucks so what does that say about you?” just to return the trouble he/she caused. :P

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #61   hannah

    Our company has a policy against soliciting at work. Any cake we have for birthdays is paid for by us out-of-pocket. There are less nicities but at least there is not pressure to give. It’s not right to tell other people how to spend their money, not to mention “un-Christian” to judge.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #62   CA Girl

    In addition, I like it in the butt :D

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #63   The a-hole

    Oh man I am laughing way to hard I have to stop I think there will be some serious karma related hell for me later. Cheers!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #64   Goldie

    CA Girl #53 – we had that pushed on us by the marketing dept. once, and everyone in our department hated it!! On the first Friday this policy became effective, they put a jar out in the cafeteria, and at the end of the day there was a huge load of small change in the jar… like, pennies and nickels… that put an end to the new policy pretty quickly.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #65   CA Girl

    PAN God, why oh why can’t you implement some sort of registration so that people can’t just use whatever name they want?? Will you prayerfully consider it??

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #66   CA Girl

    And put it in my butt as well please? prayerfully of course :D

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #67   Michael

    What is wrong with you people? I am extremely disappointed in each of you. 68 posts in and not one of you is looking at how to fix this. You’re all sitting in front of a nice computer and looking at this page with your Internet access and NOBODY has thought, “Hey, we should write this person and find out what company it is so that we can start a donation here at this website and send it to the poor guy who lost his vehicle since his OWN company isn’t stepping up to the plate.” I’m so ashamed. Surely you can downgrade your nice DSL access to dial-up and send the saved money to this guy.

    Prayerfully up yours,


    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #68   CA Girl

    I kinda like how the writer made sure not to offend the people who had already given or had already THOUGHT of giving! “prayerfully consider (or REconsider) about what you can given up (OR have given)” Gotta make sure not to piss of the people who already gave, otherwise they might not give next time! I wouldn’t be surprised if this person also publishes a company wide memo when the collection is done, thanking people by name for the “selfless efforts to help others in a time of dire need”!! …Jackass!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #69   Loser who has to post as other people.

    I obviously have nothing better to do than to post on an anonymous comment board as other people to pass the time. I have no life.

    I’m a winner. Everyone loves me.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #70   Mishee

    This person who has an unhealthy (or possibly just JUVENILE) obssession with butts kinda makes you guys miss my antics, huh?? :)

    Copy Cat you just wish you were half as awesome as I am – that’s why you are trying to stir up trouble… but nobody can cause a ruckus like The Real Mishee…Really!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #71   Joanne

    I’m sure that the company in question has a nice bright “No Solicitations” sign on the front of their building, too.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #72   Toby

    Oh my goodness – I am so sorry for misspelling “forty.” Fourty? WTF? I knew something was off when I typed that.

    Also, I was drunk.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #73   lauralaiwc

    id rather have money donated from people who are cheerfully giving it than to twists someones arm into it.

    i think the author of this email is probably just kissing ass for whoever’s idea it was to “adopt a family” in the first place, which in this situation, seems to condone reckless behavior. if someone else gets hurt down the road and they dont do a donation run for them it actually could cause issues in the office place.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #74   Juliet

    This note brings out my aggression. I would NOT give any money, even if originally I might have.
    $150 at Christmas is ridiculous. At my previous workplace everyone seemed to have babies, so there was *always* a collection going around. I donated if I liked the person. Whoever had the idea of taking a mass donation at the beginning of the year and then giving you your share on your birthday was right on!

    If the person came to me rattling a cup full of change, there’d be nothing passive about my aggression.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 12:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #75   claw71

    I hate it all. Potlucks, gift pools, school fundraisers…why don’t people understand that I’m a heartless SOB who doesn’t care?

    I know I’m not alone. When a card goes around we make a game out of who gets stuck with it last which forces them to find the originator on the other side of the office.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #76   Mama


    You all are hard-hearted.

    I sure hope you all never make such a mistake (I THINK falling alseep at the wheel was a mistake, although perhaps he did it on purpose to garner sympathy and con his co-workers out of a new van at the holidays while at the same time inciting their wrath for causing financial inconvenience…).

    Why is the co-worker so offended about the whole thing? People this bitter and angry are always suspect. I think this person was probably passed over for a promotion, or in some way inferior to the man who wrecked his van and resents any kindness done him.

    How do we even know he fell asleep? Maybe he was delivering toys to all the poor children in the community and a little puppy ran in front of his vehicle, with a gaggle of small children following. Of course he would have to stomp on the brakes to spare their lives; perhaps that caused one of the lovely gifts (paid for from his own pocket) came loose from the monstrous pile in the back, conked him on the back of the head and knocked him out!

    The man is probably a hero!

    PS: I apologize in advance for any grief my spelling may have inflicted on the Spelling Police.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #77   Sarah

    Hilarious post Michael, bravo.

    My old office used to do things like this as well. And when it came to X-mas, they did a mandatory gift exchange and the minimum was $25.00! They tried to justify it by saying that we get more than that value back at the office party but it was always lame and cheap and I’d rather have just kept my money.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #78   super_fan#99

    Team Copycat. That shit is hilarious.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #79   joobs

    We did the Christmas gift exchange too, for a few years. Then in a moment of greatness, the person-in-charge decided to do something different . She went to a local rest home and got the first names, ages, and a short list of likes and dislikes of the residents. We each picked someone we could buy for, and it didn’t have to be a large amount. I had the name of Marie, a 75 year old lady who wanted things to put in her hair. We finally had a Christmas party we enjoyed as we wrapped the items for those people.

    I think we felt the “spirit of Christmas” for the first time that year. And it was nice to buy for someone anonymously, yet know it was something they wanted.

    Oh, and instead of little kids selling things for fund raisers, wouldn’t it be nice to have a kid ring the doorbell and ask if they could do work to raise money? I need some weeds pulled, not another frosted candle.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #80   Mishee

    joobs, your rant about the kids – does that include the Girl Scouts and their offerings of Thin Mints or do you just rather they rake the yard???

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #81   super_fan#99

    Team Closet Case! Anyone else besides me still in the closet?

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #82   joobs

    Hmm. That is a tough one. Although, at the price those cookies go for, I could buy a good lawn service!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


    No I came out of the closet a while back actually. It was cold, dark and lonely in there :D

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #84   Mishee

    I say if you are gonna make the Scouts work, have ‘em clear out the gutters or something! Make them EARN that money, so they learn early on that they aren’t gonna get by in life by their cute little looks and a little uniform – unless they become strippers or hookers or something…

    (although my husband keeps asking me to try to get into my old Girl Scout uniform… but that’s not gonna happen!!)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #85   super_fan#99


    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #86   Mishee

    wow, everyone here has a butt obssession this morning… or do they? possibly this child copy cat is a closeted gay himself and just won’t admit to himself why he is so enamored by people’s rear ends…

    it’s because he wants to violate them!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #87   Mishee

    I was not smart enough to scroll up and read how the copy cat admitted to coming out of the closet already.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 1:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #88   joobs

    Well, I’m glad the last 2 joobs were pretending to be me.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #89   Nanna

    joobs – both excellent ideas!

    I spent months being broke, and guilt-ridden about it because every month my coworkers came to ask me for money for the birthday fund. I couldn’t afford it. And didn’t want to explain why.

    But every Christmas, I do the Christmas Tree Angel thing. Last year, I bought an old lady a bottle of Charlie perfume, because that’s what she wanted. I like to give. I just can’t always do it.

    And Michael, I have prayerfully considered, but as I am hijacking someone else’s wireless connection, I cannot downgrade without leaving PAN altogether, and doing so would not make any monetary gain for me. I’m so sorry. :)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #90   Mishee

    Or possibly I was just missed it cause I am human – but copy cat is still a closet case because he hides behind other peoples names…. but that’s okay, every time you post you just ensure that I will stay at the top of “Stirring Up Trouble” – Thanks for the support Copy Cat!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #91   georgie

    mishee, did you get expelled for raising your hand and asking too many questions in class and just fucking talking too much in general? i’d kick your ass out of school if you were in my class too.

    and in regards to your other comment about me being jealous of people liking you more….well that says a lot about how you view yourself.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #92   joobs

    If you are going to use my name, could you at least come up with something clever to say? If you haven’t balls big enough or brains smart enough make up your own name, please don’t use mine. Get out a dictionary and find something else to use. Or better yet, ask your remedial reading teacher to help you come up with something for you. Or I bet if you go upstairs and ask, the mommy and daddy you live with can help you. Then let mommy know what you do on your computer (or to your computer). She’d be really proud.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #93   joobs

    Thanks, Nanna. Now back to the spirit of Christmas.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #94   joobs

    I was thanking you for #104. I’d rather read Mishee than some of the brainless twits who think the word “fuck” is the best and most learned thing they muster up to present to the world.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #95   Zsa

    Joobs, I’m with ya. last year I was out front pulling weeds and had 3 different vans of girl scouts come by offering cookies. Had they stopped and pulled weeds for 20 minutes apiece I would have handed them $100– no cookies required!
    As for the “prayerfully considered” guilt-giving… I’ve never had God tell me I had to chip in for my coworkers stupidity.
    I’m guessing Sleepy Guy is freaking embarassed by the fact that everyone now knows who he is, what he’s done and they considered him so destitute that he needs cash.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #96   Nanna

    Exactly, joobs!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #97   This is BS!!!!!!

    Holy crap I can not believe this bum!!!! I agree with the poster 100% and I simpathize. I also hate when my work asks for donations or anything where you feel obligated and I would never spend 150 dollars for work people that would just not be ok or done by me at all. This loser who fell asleep and crashed his car needs to use his insurance and if he doesnt have any well then he can take the damn bus like anyone else in that situation. To give him money for this problem in beyong bullshit in my book and I would tell him righ to his loser face after I read that note. If this guy ever read this (doubt it) YOU ARE A FUCKING LOSER!!!!HOW DARE YOU ACCEPT MONEY FROM OTHER PEOPLE FOR YOUR MISTAKE AND THEN BITCH ABOUT THE MONEY COLLECTED!!!!!! Adopt a family should be just that helping a family in need that fuck isnt in need he is just an idiot!!!!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #98   Johnathan

    To joobs, I am actually taking courses for Information Security at Mt. Sierra College in Monrovia California. At this time I am giving a presentation for my midterm on the subject “Non-Secured Web Blog/Community Post Sites” I will admit that I am acting childish and poking fun but in the end it is all “just in fun”. With that I am sorry you cannot take a joke. Also my professor stated that I lost 5 points for the strap-on thing.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #98.1   GK

      Bitch please. “You can post with any pseudonym you like” is hardly what I would call breaking news in the Information Security world. You’re 13 years old, 15 at the most. What we have here is an instance of the classic “it was all a social experiment” face-saving attempt. Bonus points for slipping in an “I’m sorry that you can’t take a joke” heidipology, though.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 8:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #99   Johnathan

    Even with the -5 points I would like to say I still got an A on my midterm, thank you hapless victims of the internet!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #100   Mishee

    yeah, nowadays you can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit…

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #101   joobs

    Hmmm. Would you give out your location if you were in security?

    Oh, and I can take a joke. But I prefer them to be actually funny, or witty, or at least above a middle school level.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #102   claw71

    Although Sleepy appears to be a loser let’s be careful about casting judgment. The Christmas NAZI is the problem here.

    I assume, since the person submitting this works in the office in question, that the possibility of this letter being a clever passive aggressive indictment of the initial collection has been investigated.

    I have to tell you if the context of this letter is satire it’s really good.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #103   Kristi

    that self-righteousness was prayerfully delicious!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #104   ShortDave

    Somebody should just donate a bottle of caffeine and be done with it.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #105   Nanna

    I hope the e-mail writer doesn’t forget to thank Terry.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #106   Mierin

    Georgie, you are my hero. Mishees are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

    Yes, ShortDave, yes! I really hope someone shoves a can of redbull in the envelope. Also a Geico business card.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #107   CA Girl

    I’ll donate some NoDoz – or I could always try to score some meth for him too.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #108   claw71

    Mt. Sierra College in Monrovia?

    Jonathan, don’t quit the night shift at IHOP just yet and don’t be afraid to pick up a part time job at Sizzler when you finally get that *ahem* degree.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #109   CA Girl


    Sounds like a quality class… why do you even bother going to the on campus classes when you can just stay at home in your boxers with your tissues and hand lotion and do the online classes??

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #110   GhostWriter

    About twenty notes ago, I secretly commented under someone else’s name- I don’t remember who. I thought it would be funny when the real poster saw what I had written.

    How wrong I was. I guess it’s just the flotsam that drifts in with greater readership. Don’t you miss the days of 20 comments per note?

    Regarding office collections: it’s political allegory. NeoCons are always saying that the needy can be fully helped through individual charities, churches, and family support. Who needs generic funds for social support programs?

    Well our comments say that everybody prefers the generic fund, and hates the individual pleas for support. I would guess that less money is collected that way as well.

    Vote Edwards in ’08 !

    PS: Let’s get this out of the way right now; I blow goats and dig a rear entry strap-on attack.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 2:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #111   Mrs. Bender

    OMG, did that person just ask me to go hungry so that some dipshit who crashed his car can get help fixing it?!?! Oh no you didn’t!! If I had gotten that memo, I would’ve just laughed in the face of the writer next chance I got!!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #112   carolb

    “That’s what your job is for–money to pay for your stupid mistakes.”

    Katy – that sums up my whole work-life. You are brilliant! that cracked me up.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #113   Anony-Scrooge (no, really)

    I’ve been waiting to step in and clear up a few things:

    1) About the crash… it was on the interstate, and consisted of guy in question nodding off with family in car… hit a concrete partition, banged up the mystery machine and put it out of commission. I know because he told me.

    2) It was 150$ in TOTAL DONATION REQUESTS, not a request for 150$ all at once. So we were being nickeled and dimed to death before “adopt a family”.

    3) The emailer was not in charge of the donation, and is not in charge of anything. HE just decided to jump in out of a sense of righteous indignation. There was a box with a slot at the top for “adopt a family” — he went to the people in charge and asked how much they had collected so far and they told him. The nerve of some people.

    4) The writer of this email is not some PTA mom church lady or some old biddy. It’s a big knock-kneed trogolodyte fat guy. Needless to say not very high on my people I like list.

    5)The guy who crashed his car was really nice. This isn’t about him — in fact he didn’t know about this “adopt a family” thing until he was handed a check for approx. $2,600! Yeah, you heard right. He got his down payment. Grr.

    6) I do still work in the office in question. No need to guess about whether my posting this was a passive aggressive indictment of the email. It’s not. I’m not passive aggressive. I had a *ahem* strong word about this email with several managers. I submitted it for the rush. (It feels sooooo good!)

    @ Mama: you’re really stupid.

    PS: Captain Planet really is crying.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #114   claw71

    Speaking as a knock-kneed fat guy, this is not standard protocol. We’re ususally too hungry to worry about other people and the $10 we spend on our midday feedings goes to quantity not quality.

    I know I’d be fishing change out of the collection box for those Famous Amos cookies in the vending machine. That’s assuming I noticed the box on my way to the liberate other people’s lunches.

    There’s nothing worse than a lard ass who doubles as a do-gooder. Please submit this man’s name so he can be reordained.

    Go Team gumbly belly!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #115   CA Girl

    Wow claw – I think you ate my turkey and cheese sammich I had in the fridge last week… just so you know, the cheese was going moldy and the turkey was starting to turn!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #116   Mama

    @ Anony-Scrooge: am not

    Really, it’s nothing personal. There’s just no way for the annonymous public to verify the story. This is the internet, you know, where we can post anything we want; facts are optional.

    I just wanted to get people using their noggin.

    In fact, for every person who DOES use their noggin today, a large company with untold wealth, will donate $.42 to a child with no kidneys.

    Pass it on

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #117   ShortDave

    for every person who DOES use their noggin today, a large company with untold wealth, will donate $.42 to a child with no kidneys.

    Consider it passed.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #118   Anon 2

    Am I the only person who works for a company that doesn’t ask for donations – ever. If we’re sending some one flowers, we bill it to the company. If we take someone out to a birthday lunch, we’ll bill it to the company, etc… etc…

    Still, I do dread having to pony up $10 for the secret santa every year. I can just save my self the hassle and go buy my own $10 starbucks gift card.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #119   joobs


    ( I couldn’t yell using numbers.)

    I need to change jobs. Or make my stories more sad.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 4:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #120   claw71

    CA Girl:

    Fat hogs don’t care about mold and we can handle a little rancid meat. Coworkers don’t seem to like the subsequent gas but running out to the hallway burns calories that we only have to replace with more purloined food.

    Besides, it takes a long time for the aroma to waft out of the slot canyon that is my ass crack so in most cases the fart seems to follow me back to my desk anyway.

    BTW, fat free mayo sucks. Use the good stuff next time.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 4:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #121   Anon 2

    Claw71: I happen to prefer the taste of fat free mayo over the regular.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 4:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #122   Anony-Scrooge (no, really)

    @ Joobs:
    you and I are soul mates. When they handed over that check I had convulsions. Which is why I shouldn’t have reacted so badly when they passed the hat for donations to buy one of our interns an iphone for a graduation gift. *sigh* When am I gonna learn?

    Let’s work together to get more sad stories!

    @ Mama: glad you’re not stupid.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 4:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #123   CA Girl

    To get back to the note for a sec – anyone want a chuckle? “prayerfully” tee hee tee hee!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 4:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #124   Andy

    Anony-Scrooge (Really? No, Really): Thanks for the details. The bad thing about situations like this is that a nice guy (as you said the driver is) is then brought into this thing by a “big knock-kneed trogolodyte fat guy” (love that, btw).

    Also, an iPhone for a freakin’ INTERN? Yegads. Didja have to pony up for the 2 year ATT contract, too? :)

    Finally, you didn’t mention — how much do you spend at lunchtime? ;)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #125   Anony-Scrooge (no, really)


    I still experience a heart palpitation everytime her phone rings!

    As for lunchtime, I will prayerfully consider telling you when it becomes your business! (What I wish I had told that fat douchebag in the other bullpen.)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #126   Nanna

    Okay, clearing up who the writer was has only solidified my original impression. The writer of the letter sounds like exactly the type of person who does things because they make him look good, not because he has a concern for others. Self-righteous ass.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #127   joobs

    Oh, Mrs. Bender. I have a lot of soul to give. Besides, we need to share a cup of murky liquid sometime.

    So, Anony-Scrooge, does this most generous place of employment offer health insurance? Just wondering. It sounds like y’all work for the sole purpose of donating it back to each other.

    One of my jobs is at a parochial school next door to a cathedral. And even we aren’t hit up like you are.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #128   ijRoberts

    The company I work for just did a “donation drive” for several different charities. If you donated $250 or more you got to wear jeans EVERY Friday for a year!! Wow! And guess what, they were matching donations up to TEN THOUSAND dollars per employee. So if you (an individual employee) donated $10,000, they would match that. Pretty generous, huh?

    But… it worked. The company raised over $500,000 for charities…

    It didn’t hurt that they bombarded us with emails and flyers and people sitting in the lobby asking you to buy a raffle ticket every day for a month.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #129   Andy

    Anony-Scrooge: Heh. That’s the weird part (?!) about that note, that he says based on stories he hears about the places some of you go for lunch, that’s how he can prayerfully hope you reconsider.

    So, he hears people talk and then was going over the restaurant’s menu mentally and calculating, with tip and tax, all of this. What is he, a douchebag Rain Man?

    “20 minutes to Wapner…”

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #130   Anony-Scrooge (no, really)

    Good question joobs. Major medical was offered a mere 8 weeks ago.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #131   Mishee

    Joobs, just be sure it’s not a job at Christie’s (they are probably looking to replace Jason) – if it is, you will not have internet, so you can’t play on pan.com during the day, and the 5th and 6th floors have that “new carpet” smell that gives most a headache… so be sure to know everything about the job before starting!

    and don’t forget that at this particular office they are little “different” – the copy paper goes in the COPY room!!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #132   EVIL SNICKER


    I WORKED AT THIS PLACE. THE GUY WHO FEEL ASLEEP RECEIVED $2500 AND IN THE PRESENTATION SPEECH MADE BY OUR SUPERVISOR, SHE SAID “SORRY WE CAN’T REPLACE YOUR VAN, BUT THIS SHOULD HELP”. SORRY?!!!! (THE $400 CALULATION WAS A PARTIAL COUNT!) AAAAAAANNNDDDD HE QUIT ABOUT 4 WEEKS LATER! if i would have know about this replacement car crap i would have BEEEEN crashed my 1990 honda piece of crap car and actually UPGRADED with a $2.5k downpayment on something new! INSTEAD i just try to put in lots of overtime like the rest of working america when i need money! Merry Xmas, ey?!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #133   kiki

    I hate when people ask for money collections for sick co-workers, funerals etc. It makes it uncomfortable because you don’t want to say know, but sometimes you hardly know the person. At my last job, it also annoyed me because I was sick in the hospital and there was no collection for me (my p/l didn’t organize one, which was fine), but when I got back, another group asked for money to give to a guy who had a hernia operation…………I declined. Also the lunch argument doesn’t cut it because I spend MY money the way I WANT TO. I bet no-van is having a delcious $10 lunch too.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #134   Jacinda

    This note almost pisses me off more than any note I’ve seen here before. It’s so chock-full of holier-than-thou attitude I can hardly read anymore.

    What a bitch! I’m sorry, Christmas time is a time when I give my money to the people who need it most, those who are homeless or suffering. Falling asleep at the wheel of a car, although awful, would not make me “adopt his family”.

    I’m far more prone to going up to the “wishing tree” at any local mall, pulling a couple of names of children, and buying them something that could never get otherwise.

    Donations at work can get ugly. I hate being cornered to buy someone’s kid’s cookies….window clings…trashbags….etc.

    I’m a single girl…ANY of those things just seem sad. LoL.

    In any event, if someone DID want to donate, why not make it more anonymous? Send the money straight to the guy…why do you need this pushy middle man to goad you into giving more?

    I hate the person that wrote this.
    I hope their eggnog went bad before they drank it. Or judging by this letter, maybe it already did.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #135   joobs

    Are you serious, Evil Snicker? Because if you are, I will be seriously outraged!

    I don’t know if I can work at Christie’s. I’m scared of snakes in the grass.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #136   Mishee

    joobs, you also like to think outside the box, and we don’t want you to be guilty of heresy….

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #137   Hungry with no tupperware

    I also work at this place, and this troglodyte DID steal my lunch! (I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.)

    He “mistook” my lunch for one his wife made him when it was clearly not something he would normally eat (a delicious salad of grilled chicken, pepperoncini, chickpeas, mixed greens and a sun-dried tomato vinaigrette, yum!) and in tupperware he doesn’t normally bring.

    He was apparently too embarrassed to fess up; so, he secretly left me a gift card to a deli and typed anonymous note to apologize. Get this: he addressed the envelope with “I’m sorry” pasted on with letters cut out of a magazine! Yes! Like a serial killer, ransom note.

    But the thing that really pissed me of was that he didn’t return the tupperware–I had just bought it!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #138   Mishee

    Like a ransom note – I love it!! Gives me ideas! Good thing nobody at my work leaves lunch in the fridge!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 5:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #139   Sunshine

    Don’t be fooled, I work with Mishee. We’re on probation for prostitution and have to clean up garbage on the side of the road every day. So yeah, nobody leaves lunch in our fridge because the fridge is non-existent.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 6:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #140   Mishee

    I hate trying to read these notes, because I feel I am reading something that has gone through the censors in Nazi Germany… possibly a “style Nazi” has blacked out important parts of this communication??

    Aug 29, 2007 at 6:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #141   I'm a Scrooge Too...

    Holy Christ…this would piss me off to no end. But it would never happen in our office, since HR has a stranglehold on solicitation of donations. Birthday cards, etc are billed to the company and if you need some sort of assistance, there’s an Employee Assistance program for those really in need. You crash your car on your own time and you’re shit out of luck. Now, if they’d just put the kibosh on the stupid twits selling Avon and Partylite…

    Aug 29, 2007 at 6:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #142   Anony-Scrooge (no, really)

    Don’t go there Mishee. You know why there are some parts blacked out.

    I wish the PAN gods would black your annoying ass out. With a PERMANENT sharpie.

    @Sunshine: pull your buddy back into the chain gang before she makes any more enemies today.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 6:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #143   Hungry with no tupperware

    Just to clarify, the note wasn’t a ransom note for my lunch. It was an apology, but it LOOKED like a ransom note.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 6:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #144   Sunshine

    we all do try to pull her back in. It’s hard when she weighs 300 lbs.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 6:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #145   joobs

    Class! I will write a note home to all your mommies to tell them how mean you are!

    I’d say put your palm out so I can hit it with a ruler, but that would just turn Sunshine on. And they call her Sunshine because you are instantly blinded when you look at her.

    Aww, crap. Now I’ve stooped to your prepubid level.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #146   Amanda

    To the person way up at the top making fun of the Christian girl by sarcastically declaring her comment “a beautifully Christian thing to say”:

    Screw you! Are Christians supposed to suddenly be barred from ever uttering off-color comments? I’ll bet Jesus would have flipped you the bird if he heard you say that.
    (yes I know Jesus was a Jew so STFU the Internet is serious business)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #147   claw71

    I make no apologies for lunch stealing but I do wait until 12:45. That’s my personal 45 minute rule. If you don’t eat by 12:45 it’s free range lunch. I feel that’s honorable and fair. I’ve actually made off with lunches while the former owner watched. What are they going to do? I’m huge!

    I want to know if the vessel in question was bona fide Tupperware or if it was cheap crap like Gladware or that toxic PET crap they sell at Big Lots. I think I might keep the real thing. Not that I would bring something to work with all the free range lunches at my disposal everyday.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #148   Sunshine

    claw71, if that’s true and you do steal people’s lunches, that makes you a total fucking dick, regardless of “how long you’ve given them to claim their own food.” What the fuck is wrong with you?

    Aug 29, 2007 at 8:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #149   Marissa

    Claw, I sincerely hope that one day you get your comeuppance, and I also hope that it’s in the form of horse laxative. Buy your own damn food, you beast.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #150   LookieLoo

    Because of crap like this, our company has a “flower fund” where people who join can have an automatic deduction of a buck or so a pay (a set amount, and all participants pay the same) and will get 1) a card on the person’s birthday, and 2) a flower arrangement or fruit basket in the event of extended illness or family member death. Individual departments can do anything else they want, but most don’t. Plus, if you’re not in the fund, you get nothing. No weekly begging for donations, and no hard feelings.

    There have still been the occasional collections, but for more unusual types of things, such as someone’s house burning down.

    As for a car wreck, well, isn’t that what insurance is for?

    Aug 29, 2007 at 9:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #151   Anna Sukrana

    United Way Scam: At a company I worked for departments/offices were competing for a “chance to win” (vacation days, cash, health insurance. Real prizes) —BUT ONLY if there was 100% participation from everyone in that department.

    In other words, if just one person in a designated group declined to donate to the United Way, no one in that Department would be entered in the drawing. Even if 19 out of 20 employees gave: the one hold out would prevent them all from being in a drawing to win a prize.

    And, oh yeah, when you dropped off your payroll deduction form you got a flag or decal or something to display on your desk, just in case your co-workers were wondering who was holding out.

    The pressure was intense and horrible. I tried to reason with HR that because I was a temp covering a medical leave, I shouldn’t have to….but no one in my department was entered in the fabulous drawing, because I said NO.

    They all had to live with the knowledge they donated from their paltry $9/hour paycheck but the $15/hour temp denied them.

    I didn’t get a cake or anything when I left. Boo Hoo.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #152   Kai

    Hey Amanda (#166)! We Jews are good at off-color remarks too. I’m pretty sure G-d has a sense of humor. That’s why I don’t get some religious people who are too holy to have fun. Coupled with a holier-than-thou attitude, they make for rather irritating people (like the writer of above e-mail).

    I sometimes feel a bit guilty about my off-color remarks, or for having too much fun. If I really enjoy something, I have to check that it’s not forbidden. We Jews are experts at guilt, though. I’m not supposed to be perpetrating stereotypes but it’s true, I swear- we’re very guilt-ridden. (We can have a lot of fun, too, you should join us on Purim.)
    (Note to Grammar and Spelling Police: Back off! This Jew is badass!)

    Aug 29, 2007 at 10:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #153   BoggyWoggy

    joobs and mishee: get a room. Quit using this site for your stupid conversations. I’m sure you both have myspace accounts to utilize for you banter.

    As far as the contributions go: UGH! Our custodian was a chronic closet gambler. His wife was a nurse. They fell on “hard times” and made sure to mention it to everyone on staff in our school building. The guy owed my ex-husband over $3000 in back-rent (yes…he rented a house form my ex…the house was an investment for our kids’ college education). When someone on staff came and asked me to contribute to his “need-fund,” I wrote a small note and dropped it in the hat. It said, “As soon as this fund reaches $3000, you’ll be all paid up on your debt to my kids.”
    I hate him.
    I hate this office staff mentioned in this PA note.
    I hate the world for doing this to people.
    If you lose a leg in an accident, don’t expect me to come through for your freakin’ accident!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #154   Anna-banana

    Nice one, Boggy. You are so loving to your beautiful garden. It really shows in your photos.

    Too bad that your (seemingly) few bad experiences with the human (rather than plant) species has soured you so.

    Cheer up!

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #155   Redhead

    I have to say that this e-mail was grotesque. No one should ‘demand’ money in this way. It’s unfair. Everyone else at this company or business has their own concerns. It’s just rude.

    To that end, I have to express my appreciation to the people that I worked with about 4 years ago. My husband left me suddenly. I quit my job and moved back home (which was about 1/2 a country away). All of this happened within 3-4 days. The people that I worked with (in the retail industry) got together and gave me almost $300. I was so touched by that gesture, I cried, and then I sent “Thank you” cards to everyone. It was a generous gift, and one that I appreciate to this day. So, “THANK YOU” to all out there who have given from your heart.

    But I still don’t believe that you should be ‘guilted’ into it. That’s not right.

    Aug 29, 2007 at 11:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #156   joobs

    Gee, Boggy Woggy. Sorry you are having such a bad day.

    I, too, was admiring you for your gardens, as I also love to garden. I was almost thinking we had somethng in common. But gardening makes me happy, not sad. It makes me kind of want to forgive mean people. It reminds me of the beauty we hopefully all have inside.

    I hope your ex gets a spine and stands up to or sues the creep.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 12:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #157   E

    I hate this kind of shit too – I hate the United Way, and Washington State has set up a “Combined Fund Drive” that seems to work in a similar manner. In theory, it is great because it can let you know about charities and it allows you to deduct donations from your paycheck if you wish. BUT, sometimes people in your agency let it go to their heads, and they worry about “how our agency is doing” compared to others. My first year I couldn’t afford it – I had been out of work for several months, and the new paycheck certainly wasn’t the same as my previous job. They nagged, and nagged… I finally said to the biggest nag “You know, I donate a lot of my TIME to X charity because I can’t afford the cash right now. So, where do you volunteer?” (Knowing quite well this person didn’t do shit).

    I once also got cornered by a United Way person – when I was a teacher. The principal was a real pusher on that too. I was TOLD it was a staff meeting, only to show up (on CONTRACT TIME when I cancelled an appointment to tutor a student to attend). 15 minutes into her spiel, I tried to quietly leave as I was sitting in the back. She saw me start to get up and asked me a question – so I answered and sat down. Then, I tried to get up again – and she asked me about my donations – and since she felt NO qualms about stopping me from leaving gracefully, I quite clearly said to her “Well, when I don’t have to scrap together $100 to $200 dollars a month to buy supplies for my classroom including books and paper, I’ll come see you about a new charity.” A couple of my co-workers laughed and clapped – and left with me. I was PISSED.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 1:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #158   Kai

    Sorry to post a comment twice (I don’t want to pull a Mishee here!), but I have to put in my two cents. Actually, the recommended donation to Kai’s thoughts is not two cents, but $20.
    E, I’m with you all the way. I don’t have a ton of cash, but I do have is my time, energy, and compassion. I’ve volunteered at animal shelters and with charities in distributing supplies to the homeless- I’ve been homeless myself, so I really want to help. Volunteering is low stress, people are glad to see you, they’re accomodating, and it leaves you feeling good at the end of the day! I have a disability and I’m very prone to stress, so a normal work environment is challenging for me. But volunteering lets me contribute to society with my limited funds, and helps stave off depression. When I volunteer, I can’t be guilted into donating funds because I’m out there doing it. When you donate to a charity, someone has to go do the work to run the charity. I’d recommend more emphasis on volunteering in businesses if they really want to do good- maybe time off for employees to volunteer, or bonuses for those who volunteer….

    I talk too much. Spelling and Grammar Police, let me be. Mishee, I don’t hate you. Your posts don’t bother me that much, except that half the comments are now about you. Your histrionic behavior is a little irritating, but I’m sure I have my flaws, too. I know I have my flaws. (-takes out my meds and looks at them woefully-). Carry on.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 2:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #159   claw71

    If you don’t get to your lunch by 12:45 it’s mine. I’m doing the office a service. I’m a lunch vulture. If I don’t do it they go bad and end up stinking the whole kitchen up a week later.

    Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. And eat your lunch in a timely fashion.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 8:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #160   Hey Claw

    I don’t eat lunch till 1:30 or so because I don’t leave work till 7. Come and take my lunch and I will stab you in the eye.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #161   Hey Claw

    oh and you are not a “playa” you are just a fatass.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 9:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #162   claw71

    Nobody in my office works late so lunches are fair game. If I worked in your office I would suggest that people write an estimated time of consumption on their lunches so that I could make an appropriate adjustment in my grazing schedule.

    As for stabbing me in the eye, that’s hardly an appropriate response. The people in my office have responded to my lunch-napping by bringing me food so that I’m not hungry all of the time. I’d suggest you consider something as diplomatic.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 10:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #163   Shannon

    Okay, like 95% of you, I gotta agree with the poster – the “prayerfully” email was ridiculous, and $150 a year for “voluntary” contributions is way over the top. And no office should EVER adopt the family of one of their coworkers – talk about awkward and inappropriate (for the recipient and the donors).

    That being said (and in the interest of “fair and balanced” commenting), I hate those fuckers who do nothing but complain when the office plate gets passed around. Most of the offices I’ve worked in have been reasonable in their donation requests – the occasional bridal or baby shower, a secret santa exchange, a few Girl Scout cookie sales, and of course the annual United Way drive. And yet still, there are a few who LOVE to bitch about that five dollar suggested donation or the ten dollar limit on the Secret Santa gift. These are the types that refuse to cough up a few bucks a year for the birthday cake fund, but they’ll gladly sneak into the break room to eat the leftover cake (you know who you are – and so does the rest of the office). Nobody really cares if you don’t want to participate, but the hypocrisy is hard to stomach.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 10:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #164   T-Bone

    The author of the email should prayerfully consider that he’s a jackass.

    I hate workplace donations, gifts, parties, etc. I donate privately to charities I feel are important, but have a real problem with giving money to those at work through things like “The Sunshine Club”. I politely refuse to give money.

    Due to some unforeseen circumstances, I’ve turned over a new leaf; for the next year or so I’m my own damn charity case.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 10:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #165   EVIL SNICKER

    @ Joobs- I am serious. The guy quit. He is a nice guy, but he left to pursue his music carrer.

    @ hungry with no tubberware.- WHAT AN ASS. I can’t BELIEVE HE STOLE YOUR LUNCH. I hope the salad gave him HORRIBLE GAS.

    For future reference: I am still driving my piece of crap 1990 honda. Haven’t got brave enought to fall asleep yet….

    Aug 30, 2007 at 11:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #166   claw71

    Regarding birthday cake: Please see my 45 minutes to free range lunch rule.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 11:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #167   Tam Pietres

    183- give me a break, you go to work to make money not give it away. You sound like one of those nicel and dime guilt nazis. And speaking of hypocrisy, being all uptight about who eats LEFTOVER OFFICE BIRTHDAY PARTY CAKE LEFT in a communal office kitchen is pretty stickler-y of you. Don’t buy the birthday cake and do the ritual if you don’t want to share. Have a private party off of company time and property, privately paid for and organized by the participants. There will be no cake for the evil freeloaders forced to work with you. No one will care. Except maybe you.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 11:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #168   Alea

    That is really bizarre to be collecting for a family that has a family member working in the office. Talk about uncomfortable…

    Aug 30, 2007 at 11:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #169   Hungry with no tupperware

    #167: Okay, it wasn’t real tupperware, it was glad or something like. But still, c’mon. Wash it and return it with the serial killer ransom note.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 12:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #170   claw71

    If it was Glad I would have removed the sandwich and left the container right there in the fridge.

    I’m sorry but if the sandwich in question was wonderful as you portrayed it to be earlier I would have suspended the 45 minute rule and gobbled it up before 9:30. In fact, if you worked in my office I’d follow you aroud and poach your lunch on a regular basis. You’re just asking for it bringing in gourmet sandwiches like that one.

    I know that’s horrible but I’m fat and hungry. I can’t help it. It’s glandular.

    And I really don’t like the idea of private parties. I like cake. Free cake is better but ill begotten cake is the best of all. I like to lick the cake skin off of the cake tray as people remove their pieces.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 12:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #171   Anna-banana

    Ewwww….you’re gross, Claw.

    Cake skin? Really. Do you stick your face on the cake plate immediately as coworkers grabs a slice? Right in front of them? You’re bold, man.

    You keep saying you’re fat. Ever hear of lap-band surgery? Maybe it’ll help with the hunger pangs & as a bonus- slim you down?

    Just a helpful thought….

    Aug 30, 2007 at 1:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #172   claw71

    Anna, have you not learned anything? I wait for the cake to be unattended or for a period of 45 minutes to go by before I move in. I also don’t put my whole face on the tray, just the tongue. Yes, it’s that long. The ladies call be Jabba because I can lick things from three feet away. I have to because my belly creates a buffer.

    Cake skin tastes good. It’s like candied pork rinds.

    I can’t afford the surgery but I bet I could come up with the money through an office collection…Hey everybody! Pony up for my tummy tuck; the lunch you save could be your own.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 1:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #173   Shannon

    Okay, Tam, ya’ got me – I’m a “nicel [sic] and dime guilt nazi.” That’s why I said I agreed with the note poster, and why I thought the email was ridiculous. And I love giving my hard-earned money away to the partner’s bratty girl scout daughter or a narcoleptic co-worker who crashed his uninsured beater van.

    I still maintain that freeloaders (who depend on their coworkers’ donations to keep them supplied with leftover lunches and birthday cake) are just as bad as bible-thumping, guilt-inducing, busybody emailers.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 2:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #174   CA Girl

    Shannon I totally love that I am not the only one in the world besides reporters (unless YOU are a reporter) that knows what it means and actually USES [sic]. That’s wonderful!

    Aug 30, 2007 at 2:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #175   Nanna

    Shannon #193 – Your statements imply that you think there are only two types of people, freeloaders and donators. Is that the image you wish to convey?

    I believe you are leaving the non-participators out. Those who if unable to donate, do not take advantage of that fact by reaping the benefits.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 2:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #175.1   park rose bang

      There are obviously 3 types of people in the world. Freeloaders, donators and those who know what [sic] means and actually use it.

      Dec 11, 2007 at 7:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #176   Goldie

    #156(?) re United Way: we had it at my old job. I.e. no repercussions for those who declined, but minor perks to those who donated – entering their names in a raffle, etc. Anyway, here’s a little nugget of wisdom, pass it on. When you fill out a form pledging to United Way, there is an option to give a one-time donation. Most people I know gave a one-time donation of $25… you can make it a dollar or two. Not per paycheck, just one buck and you’re done till next year! It will still count, so no one will be able to place those annoying little flags on your desk or whatever.
    Personally, I declined, because I could.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 4:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #177   Tam Pietres

    Ha ha stickler nazi Shannon is also a typo patrol officer. What a suprise. That’s right, suprise [sic].

    Aug 30, 2007 at 5:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #178   Shannon

    Nanna – I did not intend to imply that one is either a donator or a freeloader. You are only a freeloader if you are willing to partake in the goods without having contributed to the fund (really only applies to coffee banks, gift exchanges, etc.) There’s nothing wrong with opting out.

    And yes, Tam, I can’t resist correcting the spelling of someone who calls me a nazi simply because I mentioned how much I hate whiny little office bitches.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 7:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #179   Lobo2626

    I’m retired now, but I got pretty sick of the donation mania at work. It wasn’t so bad, if they passed around an envelope. If you wanted to donate fine, if you didn’t, you just signed the envelope, indicating you had received it. Know one knew if you contributed or not. What I hated most was the person who would hand you the envelope and stand there, waiting. I think the one I disliked the most was someones mother-in-law was ill in California (our plant was in Kansas). I had to laugh at that one.

    Aug 30, 2007 at 9:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #180   Dr.Saurabh Bhatia

    Somehow I did not find this message passive-aggressive. It may have been annoying for those company employees whao have been coerced into donations time and again for lesser causes,
    Hey! Guys
    This was the time to negotiate and put a note with the money saying: “We all are now happily giving more if you promise to stop asking money at every drop if a hat.”

    Aug 30, 2007 at 11:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #181   GhostWriter

    Two Points:

    to claw71: It was working until you went over the top with it. At least I think you aren’t fooling anyone anymore. While kudos are due for the line, “…but what are they gonna do? I’m huge!” it sadly went downhill from there.

    In addition: What about those companies that are so supremely compassionate that they allow one employee to give some excess vacation to another employee? My wife worked at a governement office that routinely sent out emails telling all coworkers, “We setting up a “Vacation Bank” for donations of vacation or sick time to poor Ms. Judy, who just had a baby and has already burned all her own vacation. Can you spare a day or two?” A day of vacation is easily worth $200 to most employees. As expected, the old guys always gave up multiple days to the young single mothers.

    Back at home: “Sorry, honey, we can’t go on that Labor Day trip we planned. I just gave my last vacation day to Judy. I guess we’ll have to visit with your parents another time…”

    Aug 31, 2007 at 9:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #182   claw71

    Thanks for the input there, G-Dub, but the last time I checked I wasn’t in your composition class so please don’t take offense if I disagree. To be honest there was a little literary self-gratification throughout my posts.

    You have to give me props for the “the lunch you save might be your own” comment though. That was topical and quite funny.

    Aug 31, 2007 at 11:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #183   MMC joe

    I’d do the opposite of leaving money…. i’d leave a $20 invoice for the time wasted reading all the emails about this person’s yuletide fuckup

    Sep 1, 2007 at 12:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #184   Patti

    I hate this type of inter-office mooching. I put a stop to such requests in my own office when I sent the culprit (our HR lady) an email requesting to add the various recipients as dependents. My reasoning? If I was going to help support them I sure as hell deserved a tax break!

    As for your little “gem”…I’d just tell Mother Christmas that you don’t feel contributing under another person’s sense of religious obligation quite meshes with your personal belief system…(the foundation of which is self-responsibility and finding out the hard way that when you drive while tired the end result will most likely be crashing. Cause and effect. Some folks learn the hard way…etc.) though you don’t need to go into all that detail. Declining on religious grounds is your right and lucky for you, any office with more than 15 employees has to, by law, respect your wishes. It doesn’t matter if your religion is the Church of the Mooching Enabler Haters….it’s really none of their business.

    Sep 13, 2007 at 12:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #185   Melissa

    I had been looking for something like this. At work, it’s “give a little” here, there, everywhere. It’s certainly not manditory, but your co-worker comes to your cubicle, stands one foot from you, and says “tomorrow is Boss’ Day!”. $5 please. We’re getting her a gift card.

    While I’m appreciative of the gifts we do get, and I loved getting all the pretty candles and such for MY birthday, there’s a hollow impracticality to all of it. I was going to be evicted my birthday weekend. People knew this. I needed to pony up hundreds of dollars I didn’t have just to keep from being homeless. Candles? Yay at least my homeless self could smell nice? As I said, I’m not ungrateful so much as puzzled.

    Another thing I have not seen addressed is the “buy my kid’s stuff” brigade. Candy, wrapping paper, gifts… Are any of you selling canned goods? I will buy some because that’s pretty much what I can afford to eat. :(

    Oct 15, 2007 at 10:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #186   for your records

    [...] think what fascinates me most about this e-mail, from the head of the party planning committee — excuse me, “fun fund” — at an office in toronto, is the subject line. not [...]

    Nov 9, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #187   the thought that counts

    [...] related: if you can afford $10 worth of flair… [...]

    Dec 10, 2007 at 2:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #188   g power

    donate a bottle of Vivarin

    Dec 20, 2007 at 6:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #189   Holly

    Collections at work are pathetic. I work for money, so when I go to work I don’t expect to be asked to give money.

    Talk about fuck off.

    Feb 20, 2008 at 4:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #190   sk

    I work in a place that employees (primarily) minimum wage workers. These morons are told they have to contribute to the “Sunshine Club” via auto deductions… then proceed to take up collections as well. We are also bullied into the United Way crap. I refused to donate to the last two. That’s okay – I don’t need you to like me… just sign my goddamn check.

    May 7, 2008 at 9:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #191   Quite Contrary bang

    Frankly, I’m spending the $10 at lunch so I can get the f-away from guiltmongers like this guy!

    I’m all for separation of work and charity. I believe in both to be sure, but neither should tell me what to do regarding the other.

    May 7, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #192   GG

    The worst part is that it isn’t even like this guy got in a car accident because some jackass ran a red light. He fucking fell asleep at the wheel. When people do shit like that, you don’t pool together money and buy them a new car. Why not adopt a family that hardly has enough money to eat?

    May 14, 2008 at 7:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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