Presenting, for your analysis, this anonymous contribution from a hair salon in Bettendorf, Iowa (pop. 32,394). For the scatologically inclined vandal (and for Putz’s owner) the unconscious issues at play appear to be anything but borderline. College psych majors: care to address which stage of psychosexual development is associated with passive-aggressiveness?

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore

UPDATE: Here’s a little more backstory on the situation from our note’s submitter. (Warning: this might confuse more than it illuminates.)

the owner of a salon i work at posted this for the individual that had placed dog poop in the corridor that is shared by other businesses. they left the feces in the hallway shortly after her and her st. bernard, putz, arrived to work. putz goes everywhere with her. for the past eight months he’s grown tremendously, and his massive size at this point has freaked out other store owners. putz sleeps in the back room and he has suburb potty training skills — and his owner always picks up after him.

the landlord approached her [re: the feces in the hallway] and said he was very bothered by the possible health code concern. he later told her not to worry about it, seeing how it was totally impossible for putz to let himself out the back door, take a dump in the corridor, then turn around and open the door to let himself back in.

someone kept tearing down her note, so she added the written message at the bottom.

Our anonymous contributor works part-time at a large, “troubled” high school in Milwaukee. Today, while making some copies, she found this anonymous wonder.

Summer from Decatur, Georgia says she found this note “left on a car piously parked while attempting to attend mass on vacation” in Galveston, Texas.

Stealing Hot Pockets is apparently not the only thing that Jesus wouldn’t do.

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again

Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.

What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

related: Try a bite

Writes Mel in Beaufort, South Carolina: “Our city has decided to go with those shorter, more pleasing-to-the-eye signs for businesses. All new businesses have had to have them for a few years now, but existing businesses are just starting to have to replace their signs. I guess the local liquor store wasn’t too pleased.”

related: And pull up your pants

From Jasmine in Georgia…

“You know when you drink so much that you can’t remember what you did the night before?” asks our anonymous Scottish pizza bandit. “Sometimes we’re lucky enough to encounter certain things which trigger memories of our alcohol-fueled rampage. I was lucky enough to come across this the next day.”

“This isn’t quite a note,” writes Andrea in California. “Actually, it’s not a note at all.” But passive-aggressive? Yessir.

She explains: “My dad’s job is to take out the trash. It’s probably his only household chore. But for some reason, it never seems to get done.” So Andrea’s mom took action. Sort of.

After this, Andrea says, it only took her dad three days to acknowledge the trash and take it out.