The Coast newspaper in Halifax recently invited its readers to share their “passive-aggressive roommate tales.” (Gee, what a novel idea!)
My favorite part:
Excerpts from a 34-point note sent to a former roommate:
2. Your rent was always late and it was not paid in full.
4. You used the dishes and baking ware that we provided to you and often did not clean them, left them to ruin, or left them for someone else to clean because you were too busy rushing out the door to go party when you had all day off. If you have all day off, do something more than try to find someone, anyone to hang out with that night that just so happens to have a car and is willing to pick your lazy ass up.
22. Your friends have no right to use and mess up our bathroom. You have your own, it’s part of your room. Also, if they are going to be putting fruit remains in our garbage can, have them removed before they rot. While we’re on the subject…
23. Fruit flies. Need I say more?
25. We were quite upset that you didn’t buy us anything for Christmas worth more than $3. It’s not the money really, but $1.50 each, that’s just insulting. We noticed that week you borrowed money from your current fling to go out and party. I hope you did buy a self-help book at Chapters like you said you were planning.
29. When people have to work very early in the morning, like at 5am, it’s not very nice to have your loud-mouthed boyfriend chatting with you all night, take it somewhere else. Like his mom’s house where he still lives…
30. The clogged toilet thing, you got off easy on that one. Plumbing and property damage is a lot more important than rushing out the door to hang out with your friends. Prioritize.
33. The comment you made about being the type of person who can’t live with someone is something you should take serious consideration of. How are you going to continue living your faux Sex and the City lifestyle if your goal in life is to find a man you can live with, and if you are not the type of person that can actually live with someone?” B.M.
Full story here; another choice excerpt after the jump.
“This was his first time living on his own, he was a second-year university student, his parents did everything for him…cook, clean, buy food, laundry, etc. His room was beside mine. He would play his music loud, leave his dirty sweaty sports clothes all around the common areas. He had NO idea that dishes were washed by people and not some magical dish fairy or house elf. Me and the other roommates tried being subtle, from polite Post-Its on dirty dishes and his various stinking things left around.
Enough was enough, we had to take matters into our own hands. He had a date one night, he cooked her a meal at the flat. Afterwards he left the dirty dishes, uneaten food on the kitchen counter. We took all those dirty dishes, pots and pans, and food and put them in his bed. After he and his date came home, and decided to “get it on,” he found the dishes and such in his bed. He put them on the table outside his door. They stayed there for days until we washed them ourselves because they stank.
In the bathroom he would often leave his shaved whiskers in the sink, use half a roll of toilet paper in one trip, use all of our shampoo, etc. So. Enough was enough. We put onion salt on his toothbrush several times. He didn’t notice. Finally, after he used most of my expensive shampoo I snapped. I urinated in the shampoo bottle, there was only about an inch left of shampoo, I shook it all up to mix it in. I bought new shampoo that I kept in my room. He continued to use the urinated shampoo. He never clued in. I never told him.
I went to get my wisdom teeth out. When I got home later I found out he had ransacked my room looking for something he had left at the gym. I was furious. I called his mother. She came into town with his uncle’s truck, packed up his stuff, gave us a cheque and took him home for the summer. To this day, I have never seen him again.” B.W.