joshua brings us this amazing pair of notes from his apartment building in philly.
the backstory: “a bulk package of cat food (probably 20 or so cans) was delivered and sat in the hallway for about 4 or 5 days. we could see what it was because the sides of the package were cardboard, but the top was clear plastic. (like what you’d find at costco). on day 3 or 4 of the catfood being left in the hallway, the plastic had been torn back and a few cans were taken.” the next day, the package was claimed, and this note appeared…
two days later — luckily, after joshua snapped a photo — the note disappeared. in its place…
a day later, the response note was torn down, too.
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!
122 responses so far ↓
#1 BoggyWoggy
Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow, *$%&^(, you f-in’ MEOW! Meow, meow. MEEE-ooowww!
(translation: I took the food! I hid the crap behind the neighbor’s door (2F), you frickin’ idiot! I hate the cheap food you buy me. EAT SHIT!
Sep 4, 2007 at 11:29 pm rating: +1
#2 M
I’m on team neighbor. Random people steal shit from apartment buildings all the time. The same shit happened in my building. I should have written the same sort of note instead of just rolling my eyes…
Sep 4, 2007 at 11:36 pm rating: 0
#3 Wry Exchange
All together now…..”And it was fucking delicious! Meow”
Sep 4, 2007 at 11:40 pm rating: 0
#4 GVI
Who leaves their crap out in the halls and then bitch about people stealing their crap, IF YOU DON’T WANT YOUR CRAP STOLEN, PICK IT UP AS SOON AS IT GETS DELIVERED!! or put it in the copy room.
Sep 4, 2007 at 11:51 pm rating: +1
#5 Marissa
And this lady left her precious cat food outside for days *why*? I’m not too offended about wishing ill upon someone’s cat. I hate most cats. I’m actually more amused by the neighbor’s response.
Sep 4, 2007 at 11:56 pm rating: 0
#6 eh
team neighbor (not team thief)
choke? but it’s not the cat’s fault. although it’s too bad her stuff got stolen, she shouldn’t have left it out.
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:07 am rating: 0
#7 Spooky MILF
I’m on Team Neighbor (and Team Kitty)…..If her $20 was so fucking precious, she wouldn’t have let the food sit out there for days.
Anyone who has ever lived in an apartment building knows that you don’t leave stuff out like that - you might as well have a written invitation on it that says “help yourself”.
Poor kitty, probably was starving waiting for its food…
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:13 am rating: 0
#8 agirlie
thanks wry…this post deserved it…
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:34 am rating: 0
#9 damon
I ate the cat food, and it was fucking delicious!
Somehow that running gag doesn’t seem to have the same punch as the other times, but anyhoo…
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:49 am rating: 0
#10 chloe
Kitty says “mmmmm cat foood i love itttttt”
*throws pennies at note*
Sep 5, 2007 at 1:16 am rating: 0
#11 Anna-banana
Okay, now if the catfood indeed was from Costco or thereabouts, the whole stinkin’ package would be worth the 19 bucks. Not a “few cans” as were apparently pilfered.
If were talkin’ Science Diet or the same ilk, then I could understand the cost differential.
Otherwise…STFU. People who are NOT clueless usually have an understanding of when things that they ordered are to be delivered. You, the orderer set yourself up to be filched.
So, BITE ME CATLADY!!!!
And the neighbor’s note ROCKS.
Btw, funny how I assume that it’s a woman. Maybe the curly-cues in the handwriting?
Sep 5, 2007 at 1:19 am rating: 0
#12 Anna-banana
The happy face right after the cat death wish is just plain wicked.
Sep 5, 2007 at 2:07 am rating: 0
#13 Katy
If you can’t be bothered to get the package of cat food and put it inside your apartment when it’s delivered, you’re stupid for thinking that no one will steal all or part of it.
It’s not a sack lunch in the company fridge (*that* kind of stealing is pretty fuckin’ low if it’s your own co-workers), it’s not a box of cereal with your name on it on the fridge in your apartment (roommates who steal are inconsiderate jerks).
To count on random strangers (people who might wander in off the street and poke around because they can) to not steal stuff you left laying out is pretty naive. Don’t get angry because you were stupid. Just don’t fuckin’ do it next time.
Sep 5, 2007 at 4:43 am rating: 0
#14 Andy
That first note was great: a lesson in law (underlined, yet), the “many thanks”, the wishing of harm upon the cat (and not the culprit), and finally, the big-ass smiley face.
Who said that the food was for a cat, anyhow? I bet someone has a taste for fancy feast.
Wait a second…. claw71… do you live in Philly? That food WAS out past your 12:45 PM deadline, afterall.
Case closed. Book ‘em, Dano!
Sep 5, 2007 at 5:25 am rating: 0
#15 claw71
I don’t live in Philly but I’ve eaten cat food…that is if you consider Fancy Feast to be cat food. To be honest that stuff is ambrosia.
The note was classically passive aggressive until the author dropped in the choking comment.
Still it’s important to point out that the responding author was overly sensitive. Nobody wished death upon any cat. Choking doesn’t always entail a fatality.
Sep 5, 2007 at 6:49 am rating: 0
#16 claw71
I think it is also important to clarify that stealing mail can be a federal offense but that’s only in extreme cases.
I suspect this wouldn’t fall under federal jurisdiction as a package from Costco would most likely be delivered by a private parcel company such as DHL or UPS.
What can Brown do for you when your package gets purloined? NOTHING. That’s why they don’t like to leave them laying around unless you tell them to.
Sep 5, 2007 at 7:19 am rating: 0
#17 Jeff
Team neighbor. You leave it lying around, you’re asking for it. If you don’t have room in your apartment for bulk shit (as I don’t) unfortunately, you don’t get the pleasure and savings of buying in bulk.
And shouldn’t her cat be a vegan anyway? I mean, fancy feast is cruel!
Sep 5, 2007 at 8:04 am rating: 0
#18 super_fan#99
I hate it when people get too exact about anal shit. $19? Couldn’t you just write $20? That drives me nuts. It’s like saying 13 days instead of 2 weeks.
Maybe whoever took it can rub some cat food all over the stupid neighbors car and sit back and enjoy the show.
Sep 5, 2007 at 8:25 am rating: 0
#19 ginger
what a nasty bitch. wishing ill on a poor cat over $20. i’d go out of my way to annoy the horror.
Sep 5, 2007 at 8:28 am rating: 0
#20 Anna-banana
But there’s no evidence that it is a lady. We’re all assuming!
Joshua, help us out here, please? Is it a lady? Or a guy with very effeminate script?
Sep 5, 2007 at 8:54 am rating: 0
#21 DH1
Perhaps her cat got tired of waiting for the stupid owner to bring in the chow, so the cat helped himself?
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:15 am rating: 0
#22 super_fan#99
Am I too anal about people who are anal?
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:17 am rating: 0
#23 Black Bellamy
Cruise around the neighborhood until you find a dead cat, then throw it under the original note with a Are You Fucking Happy Now? sign.
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:23 am rating: 0
#24 mere
now see, i think that the food shouldn’t have been sitting in the hallway for as long as it did. this person is lucky only a few cans were taken.
in my neighborhood, the whole thing would have been gone.
i don’t condone stealing… but my cat does.
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:33 am rating: 0
#25 claw71
I would have just taken the entire package and traded it for some reefer.
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:34 am rating: 0
#26 mere
superfan #99: i agree.. just say $20.
does it make you a little nuts when people tell you that their child is 18 months? don’t you just want to say ‘oh, so he’s a year and a half.’
umm. yeah..
me either…
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:35 am rating: 0
#27 Goldie
I agree, the cat is innocent, so the note should have gone like this: “May YOU choke on cat food!” (smileys, hearts, XOXOXOXO)
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:36 am rating: 0
#28 T-Bone
Who the hell has cat food delivered to their house? Give me a fucking break.
Go to the nearest bodega, pick up a can of cat food on your way home from work, then get over yourself.
Sep 5, 2007 at 9:54 am rating: 0
#29 claw71
When people tell me how old their kids are in months I always respond by calculating the number of months until the kid reaches the age of consent. That usually shuts them up.
18 months? That’s 174 months until she’s legal. Catch you later, sweet cheeks.
It works for a boy too, but check your state!Some states base the age of consent on gender. In fact a few states actually base the age of consent on the gender of both parties. Sadly lesbians can move in quicker than guys in these states. Totally unfair…but so very hot.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:02 am rating: 0
#30 GhostWriter
In a word, No.
It is not stupid for someone to leave something outside of their front door and expect it not to be stolen. Yes, there are limits to that rule, and the formula includes the number of days it is sitting there, and the stealability of the item. But at some level, “We Live In A Civilization!!” (to quote George Costanza)
But I have not been tracking cat food prices lately; did they shoot up because of global warming, or is $19 for four cans a bit excessive?
Oh, and 2F definitely stole the cat food- that much is obvious.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:07 am rating: 0
#31 Joshua Lane
@Anna-banana - I *think* it was a lady who left the original note …guys don’t usually write in cursive and I don’t think any of the guys in our 8-unit apt bldg have cats. A guy definitely wrote the follow-up note (since he left his apt #, I know who it is).
@T-Bone (and others) - I *think* this might have been special cat food (maybe for medical or dietary restrictions)… hence needing to order it. But I agree with everyone else… leaving a package in the hallway for 4 days is asking for trouble …no matter what it is.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:10 am rating: 0
#32 Cathy
I used to live in an apartment complex, and had a certain brand of acne medicine that could only be mailed to you. Mail orders are trackable on the internet, so I’m wondering why it took 3 to 4 days to pick up the package.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:15 am rating: 0
#33 Anna-banana
Thanks for clearing things up!
And for the cool notes!
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:16 am rating: 0
#34 anonymouscoworker
@ GhostWriter- What the hell? “It is not stupid for someone to leave something outside of their front door and expect it not to be stolen.” I’m frankly amazed every morning to find that my lawn hasn’t been pulled up to be used as someone else’s sod. If I don’t want my shit stolen, I lock it inside my house. Yeah, it sucks, but we all can’t live in Pleasantville.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:17 am rating: 0
#35 Heather
So a public hallway is NOT a good place to store stuff? Lemme make a note of that.
Team Neighbor.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:25 am rating: 0
#36 GhostWriter
I also want to applaud the PAN Gods for returning to what works best- simple notes between simple minds over simple issues (i.e., Who Stole My Cat Food?!?) The past two notes were simply too mentally taxing- that online blog was a meaningless ramble, and even more irritating, it contained no simple message that could be ridiculed. It was like trying to pick apart Romeo and Juliet, perhaps by suggesting other body parts, rather than a thunb, to “bite at thee” (See- too confusing, right?)
…and why did I not include this in the “who would’ve thought” comments? Because, who wants to wade through 140 comments on the way? If the note is that chaotic to begin with, I can just imagine that the notes went open-loop as well.
Mostly, I blame Misshe for this.
Same with “Bacon is Life” - It started out as a nice simple exchange, but WTF with the 34-point notice ? Why combine the two? I do not want to have to go here to get the full story- I want it on the page and easily digestible.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:29 am rating: 0
#37 GhostWriter
BTW- Have you seen the internet video of a guy who puts a wallet down in the middle of a sidewalk, and paints a yellow line around it? Nobody picks up the wallet for some reason.
I wonder if that would work with cat food?
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:34 am rating: 0
#38 Pants
Ghostwriter - must you go on at such length on why you don’t like to read long notes? Talk about passive-agressive. Perhaps this blog isn’t all about you…
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:35 am rating: 0
#39 claw71
If you know you can’t secure a package withing a reasonable period of time you should ask a neighbor to hold it for you. That’s assuming that you aren’t a crazy cat lady who signs notes with frightening smiley face doodles.
Theft is wrong regardless of negligence on the part of the rightful owner. I might be an idiot if I leave my car idling in the parking lot while I grab my lotto tickets but the person who takes it is still a criminal.
Sep 5, 2007 at 10:57 am rating: 0
#40 claw71
I don’t think the yellow line would work for cat food.
Cats don’t see in color.
By the way GW, from what I’ve read Fancy Feast is easily digestible.
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:01 am rating: 0
#41 Mishee
That was actually pretty funny Pants - I’m not sure if it was in my defense or not, but it gave me a chuckle. As for the note (because everyone bitches that I talk about everything BUT the note in question) - I love how the misspelling of “felon” was caught (immediately it seems since the correct word was the next one in the sentence) and replaced.
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:03 am rating: 0
#42 GhostWriter
No- while some fringe scientists have suggested that there actually is a reasonable debate on the matter, the vast majority of mainstream researchers uniformly agree that this blog is all about me
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:11 am rating: 0
#43 whats in the name
I found the whole thing too funny and had a hearty laugh he he!
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:21 am rating: 0
#44 john
In order to avoid this, my apartment complex has some how convinced ups and fedex to not even try and drop off packages at your apartment, but bring them directly to the rental office.
The extra trip to the rental office is probably worth it to not have my random aquarium pieces jacked by some hobo looking for something to eat/pawn.
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:33 am rating: 0
#45 Mishee
GhostWriter, you are a TRUE pan.com pal… I’m not sure if you noticed, but the Mishee flurries are usually only during the typical work day - I don’t usually go on the computer at home - contrary to popular belief I DO (italics! dammit, gotta click on your link!) actually have a life!
I just get bored at work cause it’s a lower volume job than my previous ones… I’m just too good at what I do!! 
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:37 am rating: 0
#46 Mishee
(testing my new knowledge of HTML)
I hope your CAT CHOKES on that food!! How mean is that to wish harm on an innocent little Puddy Tat??
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:40 am rating: 0
#47 the sos
My favorites so far:
“Choking doesn’t always entail a fatality.”
“Cruise around the neighborhood until you find a dead cat, then throw it under the original note with a Are You Fucking Happy Now? sign.”
“Sadly lesbians can move in quicker than guys in these states. Totally unfair…but so very hot.”
Claw71 - which states? as a lesbian i may be up for a move
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:42 am rating: 0
#48 Alexis
I was going to say (but I see Josh did) that it was probably prescription food. The medical foods are often order only or through vets. I have to pick up a few cases for a friend regularly, and they are over $40 for 12 can.
Leaving things out in a hallway is not wise, but it certainly doesn’t justify stealing. Josh said the building has 8 units, and I’m sure it was secure. Maybe the owner was out of town when it came. Or maybe she just trusted that the other 8 people (since they seem to know each other) wouldn’t steal. Was it a silly thing to trust is– maybe. Does that make stealing right?
If I were a neighbor, I might have put a note up about people leaving things in the hallway if she did it intentionally. That’s against most complexes’ rules. But besides that, I’m on the owner’s side.
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:43 am rating: 0
#49 Spooky MILF
I’ve had packages stolen the same day they were delivered!! I complained to the landlord, and after that, UPS or FedEX, or whatever the company had to make sure tenants were home or try again the next day.
Still on Team Neighbor…
Friskies is yummier by the way, and more protein.
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:57 am rating: 0
#50 the sos
Seriously, though. Stealing is almost always wrong. But, so is wishing harm to someone’s pet. Happy medium? How about an “I owe you” for the food and a “Your cat has 4 days (one for each can) before which time I shall cast a spell of hairball fits upon it” in return? It’s really all about communication, people.
And on a more scarey note, people that leave notes wishing death (or near death experiences) to others are the type of crazies who just might leave a pack of poisoned food out for the next thief…
Sep 5, 2007 at 11:58 am rating: 0
#51 claw71
SOS: I think the southern states have statutatory laws that are more forgiving about lesbians. So depending on where you’re from you might have to remove teeth and take several blows to the head to qualify for residency status.
In Kentucky the age of consent is 14 (12 if the realtionship is incestuous) but if the relationship in question is girl on girl the age of consent is 12 across the board. And why not? They’re going to hell anyway, right?
It’s important to note that they don’t count all that well in Kentucky (unless they’re tallying up the number of cans of snuff in a tube) so actual ages vary. Check with your local truck stop for details.
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:00 pm rating: 0
#52 the sos
Thanks for the clarification. I do not want to live in Kentucky.
And, sorry I misspelled “scary”.
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:18 pm rating: 0
#53 Weaselcheeks
#28 I’m dying here! My teeth grind when people tell me the age of their children in months. I’ll be sure to check with my state’s age of consent laws.
Seriously, the cat food person didn’t seem to think the food was important until a couple of cans went missing.
I think we all learned an important lesson here: Don’t leave your shit in public places.
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:21 pm rating: 0
#54 Mishee
on the subject of the off number thing - I just remembered this curve in the road across town, the little yellow sign with the speed limit for the curve is for 19 MPH… that one always struck me as a bit odd….
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:24 pm rating: 0
#55 Mishee
you guys think the $19 is off, there’s a speed limit sign across town for a curve in the road that states the limit is 19 MPH… that’s just a little weird!
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:29 pm rating: 0
#56 claw71
Mishee:
Do not mock or question the speed recommendations posted on those signs. The department of transportation conducts extensive studies on every bend in every road and calculates the maximum safe speed for that particular feature.
You might have a high performance car that can press the limits of engineering and take the turn at 20 or 21 miles per hour but you’re taking your life in your hands if you regularly exceed those posted speeds.
Billions of tax dollars have been spent on those signs. Respect them. Remember: speed kills. Sure, a can of jinxed cat food can do a number on an unsuspecting kitty but speed is kills people. Dead.
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:35 pm rating: 0
#57 Nanna
First of all, GhostWriter complains about long posts is his long comments. Typical.
Second, people who leave things out for four days in an apartment building are begging for it to be taken. They might as well have left a note on it saying “please take me.”
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:35 pm rating: 0
#58 mere
i will also remember the age of consent in months . thanks claw!
i really do that passive aggressive recalc in years (who ME?!), but now, i’ll just answer in months.
he he he.
mishee- what?! 19 mph?!!
that’s nuts.
and i tried to use simple html, but it may not have worked…. let’s see
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:35 pm rating: 0
#59 Mishee
claw, what if a kitty eats the jinxed food, and then in her death throes stumbles out into the middle of the road (right in the deep of a 19mph curve) and gets hit by a speedster doing at least (god I love the italics!) 22 mph… would that be considered reckless driving or would the driver be absolved of any responsibility because the no-good note writer jinxed the kitty and it was gonna die anyways… hmmm.. something to ponder…
Sep 5, 2007 at 12:49 pm rating: 0
#60 Ginevra
In general I agree with the rule of left in a public area = takeable. But I also conform to the rule of not stealing from an unopened package.
Also, re: the 19mph speed limit, there is a large pedestrianized area where I work, and the one driveable street that crosses it has a speed limit posted of 22mph. According to The Powers That Be, people are more likely to notice, and hence obey, an unusual speed limit.
Sep 5, 2007 at 1:37 pm rating: 0
#61 Mishee
wow, I sure did notice the speed limit, as a tore around that curve going a breakneck 25 mph!!
Sep 5, 2007 at 1:40 pm rating: 0
#62 GhostWriter
Point of Order - I am being accused of complaining about long notes (through the use of a long note) when I actually complained about complex multiple-topic non sequitur notes.
A posted 19 MPH speed limit is a cop trap, so they can pull you over for going 20, check your insurance, and search your car.
Sep 5, 2007 at 1:54 pm rating: 0
#63 claw71
GW
The cautionary signs posted near hazards such as bumps, curves and railroad tracks are not speed limit signs enforcable by law. They are DOT recommendations.
And while it is true that you did complain about “open loop” comments you also expressed disdain over the previous submissions by the PAN gods. You wrote that they were too long and rambling.
As a point of order I have to object to your point of order. You clearly complained about both issues and I recommend the court of the mighty PAN god find you in contempt.
Furthermore I ask the court to consider your recent activities in aiding and abbetting Mishee in her attmepts to utilize HTML to draw even more attention to her posts when imposing your sentence.
Sep 5, 2007 at 2:09 pm rating: 0
#64 Mishee
With the public outcry against me GhostWriter, yo