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Return to sender, address unknown

September 5th, 2007 · 206 comments

Our anonymous submitter has held on to this e-mail for more than five years now, but she still has no idea what she did to offend the sender. She barely knew him at the time, she says, “and needless to say, I don’t know him any better now, except I have a better handle on his mental state.”

Apparently you never received my e-mail. I found it in my mail box, promptly returned to me by the MAILER DEAMON.

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · e-mail · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · spelling and grammar police

206 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Marcelo

    This will offend some people, but I find it amazing how most religious(bordering fanaticism) people I know are completely arrogant and have no respect to people that don’t go to the same church as they do. Also amazing how they choose which parts of the teachings they want to follow and ignore all the rest.

    Team anonymous submitter.

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:07 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Frank

      Totally with the comment on religious fanatics. I went to a Lutheran liberal arts college. So many damned hypocrites went there. Four years of that totally turned me off from going to any church.

      Sep 6, 2008 at 7:18 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Lumpy

      Ya know what’s funny is that I went to this University and you’ll probably find this person yelling at you on the quad telling you how “you’re going to Hell”… ‘course my dreadlocks didn’t help at the time. …maybe they thought I was the Predator.

      Dec 9, 2009 at 9:25 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #2   Kat

    LOL. Mailer DEMON!!!

    If I hadn’t read the blurb before the note, I would never have guessed that a guy had written this.

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   Dave9

    Agree with Marcelo.

    Gotta love the imacinations of some folk.

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   skye

    He says “if you would like to remain friends”
    Sorry bubba, you weren’t her friend in the first place. The writer reminds me of several members of my extended family. I stay far far away from them. Marcelo made a great point about the fanatics only following the rules they want to follow. Guess they missed “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” “Judge not, lest ye be judged” and “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” and of course “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   eh

    team mailer hell daemon

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #6   Anna-banana

    Who really cares about some innocuous religious implication.

    What’s really cool is that the writer uses all different points, fonts, and even underlines to differentiate each thought.

    THAT’S what is really bizarre!!!

    Go Team “You”

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #7   Wry Exchange

    I could tell he was crazy before reading the words. A different font for each paragraph, some with underlines, different sizes, bolds, and in italics. He only missed a big yellow un-smiley face. Putz.

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   stephanie

    wow that guy is bat shit crazy

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:40 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #9   GVI

    Someone needs a hug from Jesus.

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #10   jess


    here’s what i love most about this email. the different font sizes. the creative use of italics, bold font and underlining.

    and, hey’s mailer DAEMON…just thought you’d like to know…

    Sep 5, 2007 at 10:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   T-Bone

    This note reminds me of the stalker I had when I lived in L.A. Good times!

    Stephanie, you’re right– that guy is most certainly bat shit crazy.

    Sep 5, 2007 at 11:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   Mr DeBakey

    Holy Fuck!

    Nothing Passive There

    Sep 5, 2007 at 11:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   Zsa

    Ye gads~ this could have been written by my mother.
    I dont want to be mad at you so after you think about what you might have done to to make me mad (but I’m not mad now) you can talk to me about it and apologize.

    The logic makes my head hurt. I’d say Bat Shit crazy, but what exactly is so crazy about bat shit?

    Sep 5, 2007 at 11:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   Katy

    I love how some people always use the “if you wanna continue being my friend” line. Look at what an asshole this letter-writer is! Who the hell would WANT to be this guy’s friend?


    Sep 5, 2007 at 11:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   Anna-banana

    I don’t want to be his friend.

    Wait a minute…what if he already IS my friend and I just don’t know it….?


    Sep 5, 2007 at 11:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #16   Zsa

    Whoo~ I just checked out the email address– GO Oregon State! I told you Oregon was hell- we have Mailer Deamons!

    Sep 5, 2007 at 11:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Boomshine

      Actually, Zsa, got snagged up by Ohio State. Our beloved Beavs are

      Sep 26, 2009 at 6:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Andy

    Wow. Crazy, patronizing, hypocritical, crazy.

    See, that’s great. Go to church, learn about tolerance and the Golden Rule, then ignore someone’s existance.

    The writer didn’t even apologize about being crazy pissed for two Sundays because of a stupid MAILER-DAEMON error.

    That’s why I’ll never tell my kids that college is a great place to meet new people. I’ll probably say that it’s perfect place to prepare for work, since you have to put up with crazy douchebags all of the time. The only difference is that at work you get paid.


    Sep 5, 2007 at 11:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #18   Team Cassandra

    That guy goes to CHURCH!?!

    I bet Sundays are CHOCK FULL of righteous indignation for that guy! yeesh!

    And not even a hint??? If he already doesn’t get the “inner imacinations” of the posters mind then how does he figure she’ll “guess” what she did wrong.

    I guess if she kept the note for five years she must be pretty curious, but obviously smart enough to know who she wants for a friend.

    Good on you, girlie!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   agirlie

    I bet she had a beer and it pissed him off. Or danced or bought a lotto ticket. Those things are no-nos with my denomination…still I wonder what she did to make him go bitchcakes like that?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #20   Amanda

    lol @ at the commenters who think anyone going to church has anything to do with this letter.

    “by church on Sunday” is a benchmark for time. If he doesn’t hear back from her by then, goodbye. Not, “if I don’t see you sitting in church on Sunday you’re dead to me.”

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   GVI

    Well assumption is what we do best here Amanda, the same way you ASSUME[bold,underline,italic] that he used church as a benchmark for time.

    Hey guess doesn’t his crazy writing remind you of Terry, or is it just me??

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #22   Angela Merkel

    Speaking of Terry, I always saw Terry as Anthony Grosso’s nickname… don’t know if anyone else picked up on that, but I didn’t really want to read through 150 comments to find out…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   BoggyWoggy

    My mom was pretty mad at me lately…and her e-mail to me said, “You’re heading down a road that may lead you to a time when no one will even want to ride with you in a limo on the way to a funeral.” OK, it’s pretty clear she’s messed up, but this guy’s letter makes me feel like movin’ in with my mom. She’s NOTHING compared to him!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   Tiffany

    I’m no psychologist, but I’m pretty sure this person is crazy.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Potbelly

    It always amazing how people always try to bet all these crazy notes MUST come from women, but then they’re usually revealed to be from dudes. It’s like women have this rep for being whiny PA nutcases, but this site is debunking that myth. Just another reason to love it!

    Oh and this note is a contrarian delight. The guy is clearly deeply in love.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #26   Zoob

    It sounds strikingly like someone I know who just flies off the handle. Couldn’t be though, because the emails were OSU. The asshole I know didn’t go there.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   eh

    i need a hug from jesus

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   team terry

    Okay…this guy seems like someone who will more than likely kill his wife when she asks to divorce his crazy ass all because he flipped out over some imaginary thing he thinks she did. Men like this make me scared for our daughters and sisters!!!

    Ooh, this just in…can you imagine the letters we could devour if Rene Hall and this guy were roommates…Muahahahahahahaaaaa (insert evil grin here)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #29   Nanna

    If this note was handwritten, it would for sure have creepy serial killer handwriting. How the hell can you be angry at someone but not be angry, and that all in the same sentence.

    Obviously Insane.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   brie

    I agree with Potbelly – the guy obviously had a crush on her. She probably looked at someone else and he lost his shit.

    Where exactly are the ‘inner imacinations of [one's] mind’? Sounds need.

    Team sender for keeping it all these years.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #31   vib

    This is just a hilarious mixture of technical ignorance and total crazyness. I love the part “i will continue to ignore your existence most likely till i die”.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 5:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   Goopie

    The domain is Ohio State, not Oregon State. Think “crazy Midwestern bible boy” — not “deranged Wild West Mountain hick.”

    Sep 6, 2007 at 6:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #33   ginger

    after i finished thinking i doubt i’d be using church language. this confirms why i always feel uneasy around very churchy people.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 6:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   claw71

    I’m not kidding either.

    That’s rich but the only reason a person would feel inclined to include such a disclaimer is if that person has a history of never living up to their threats.

    The next message will include the statement: I really, really mean it this time.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #35   claw71

    You’re killing Anthony Grosso with your second hand self-righteousness. And you haven’t tithed in six months.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #36   Andy

    Amanda: You’re saying that “by church time” is a common benchmark for time?

    Maybe if you’re Amish and watches are for heathens.

    Team Get A Fucking Watch So You Can Say, “If I don’t get a response by 9 AM Sunday”, Asshat.

    Dang, I shouldn’t get this worked up in the morning. Ah well. :)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #37   Mrs L Carrot

    A four star nut bar for sure but it does sound like the kind of attention seeking behaviour of a psycho in love…

    You’re well out of it sister!



    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #38   Garden Greenfinch

    Yikes- PSYCHO!
    If I were her, I’d move, change my name and have extensive plastic surgery.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #39   claw71

    Amanda, you’re an idiot. Of course he meant church as a religious service. I’ve traveled all around the country and I have never heard somebody use church as a benchmark for time. And don’t even try to say it’s an Ohio thing. I live in Columbus. We actually use clocks.

    The author of this e-mail is one of those holier-than-thou bible thumpers who is probably pissed at this woman because she strayed from the path and blasphemed while they were out. I work with a yahoo who runs and tells on anybody who lets a minor curse word fly.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #40   anon


    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #41   Anna-banana

    Maybe I’ve seen too many Westerns, but something rings a bell in my mind about Amanda’s ‘by church on Sunday’ time limit. I didn’t pick up on it until she said something.

    But, didn’t they say something to that effect? Not just ‘by noon’ someday, somewhere? And then they battled it out & settled the score in a duel.

    Or am I just nuts, like Amanda?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #42   Fraulein N

    If this weren’t typed (in about 4 different fonts and such), I don’t think it would be handwritten. This has “ransom note cut & paste letters” all over it. Don’t kidnappers usually “hope to hear from you” too?

    I really want to know what his “behavior for the last two sundays” was. I mean, besides going to church and being completely batshit.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #43   Rfunk

    Best part? He’s not kidding either.


    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #44   claw71

    Here’s a shorter and possibly more mature version of this note I found at the local playgorund scrawled in crayon:

    “You made me very mad. Now I won’t be your friend. If you’re sorry you need to tell me before Thundar comes on this Saturday or I will never talk to you again. Maybe.”

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #45   claw71

    Team Mailer Demon:

    Dark Lord of the Inbox.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #46   ShagNBag

    I would really LOVE to know what it was that offended. Oh and what a loss to history that the (chuckle) DAEMON destroyed the original letter!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #47   Jacinda

    I’m seriously afraid for the chick that got this from the guy. In all actuality, this is how stalkers start. They assume power over others and make them aware of what the stalker thinks they did is wrong, and how they have to make up for it “or else”.

    In my own opinion, what a fuckin’ psycho!
    I love how he tells her she needs to think it over, and then get in contact with HIM.
    Yeah, most people love mulling over their supposed “wrongs” to come crawling back to someone that didn’t even realize was PISSED.

    People like Email Crazy here make me want to punch someone in the face.


    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #48   The Fresh Cracker

    Wow. Just… wow.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #49   Max Roswell

    Of course the guy’s a religious wacko. I think we all know about METHODISTS and their CRAZY FONTS.

    Yeah, you heard me.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #50   lauralaiwc

    yeah, this is why people think anyone who has faith is a psycho nut ball, which really ruins it for those of us who are not.

    but, in the defense of religious individuals who DON’T write crazy stalker notes, its like if we do one minor thing wrong, we get labeled as an ignorant bible-thumping nut, when in reality, we are just people too and we make normal people mistakes. ahh, ignorance of all. for both the crazy religious types and for the ones who look for little mistakes to pick on. find a PRODUCTIVE hobby.

    on this note, it sounds like someone puts a little bit more value on their own self-worth than is really merrited. why anyone would want to continue to be a pal with someone like this, after a letter like this, is beyond me.

    run, girl, run!!!!!!!!!!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #51   Black Bellamy

    It really drives me nuts that some people pronounce it DAH-EH-MON.

    And yet Caesar comes out Ceasar, not Ca-eysar.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #52   Anonymous

    that made me laugh, I wonder if this may have been sent to the wrong email address (like the letter) >.> wouldnt surprise me; the deamons probably got to him.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #53   Ben

    Completely nuts. Oh, the perils of linguistically overreaching one’s self. To take a guess at the “inner imacinations” of the sender’s mind, he must have heard a really cool turn of phrase (inner machinations maybe?) and tried to employ it to add some moral and intellectual superiority– and came out looking like an illiterate fool.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #54   the sos

    This guy can stick this letter where it belongs – not that he cares not to know where that is – and I really mean it. If he doesn’t, I will probably continue ignoring his existence “till” the day I die. He should think about why I feel this way…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #55   jm

    If Mr Crazy fonts really had any desire to work it out he would have called. Yet another cas of one bad apple spoiling the whole “church” bunch.

    I can’t believe she even kept the email. I would have burned on the church lawn (or maybe his car)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #56   Lori

    The inner imacinations of your mind? Pychedelic!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #57   teamster

    Team hugs from Jesus!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #58   GhostWriter

    I am willing to bet that no MAILER DAEMON ever destroyed an alleged “original” note. This whole thing had been stewing in his lunatic bean for over two weeks, and he started to realize that it’s way too long a time to remain angry at her, simply because she ate her seasoned curly fries without first saying Grace.

    So he concocted the alleged “first note” story, insisted that he is “no longer angry” but all the while was planning to make a lampshade out of her skin unless she confessed and atoned by church on Sunday.

    Man, I hope she did the right thing…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #59   Marissa

    I wonder if he drenched his computer in holy water after the Mailer Daemon ate his letter. What a nutjob.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #60   Katzndogz

    He’s either lying or leaving something out. First he says that his e-mail *promptly* returned to him by mailer daemon. Then he says that he assumed she got it and never responded – thus explaining his behavior for two weeks.

    The mailer daemon wouldn’t have waited two weeks to send the error message.

    This guy is about a dozen bricks short of a load.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #61   e


    I can see keeping the email for the fact that I would read it over and over again hoping I would find the joke somewhere.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #62   Mel

    The problem with the stalker types when they say they’ll never talk to you again is that they never mean it and they keep calling. Since this is several years ago (she said she held on to the note for a while), I’m assuming she’s successfully managed to dodge this dodgy fellow.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #63   Becki

    Wow. So many ways to go with this one. I wouldn’t be so quick to label him a “religious nut”. Going to church doesn’t make one a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car. Maybe church is just where he goes to pick up chicks? Not doing very well, obviously. If I were the sender, I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut. I would just HAVE to know what my great sin is before I could let it go. Then I would probably be so sweet and contrite that he would look like an even bigger idiot (if that’s at all possible). Is he still ignoring her or is he dead?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #64   Katzndogz

    Also, I think that the “church on Sunday” thing is definitely talking about seeing her at church and not a colloquial way of defining a period of time. He mentions previous Sundays in his e-mail, so it seems pretty clear that these people know each other through church.

    I’d further hypothesize that it’s probably a church frequented by a lot of college students who come from different backgrounds and have varying levels of adherence to the bible. Anonymous might have been drinking a beer and laughing about the latest episode of South Park – stuff that was okay in her church back home, but was considered blasphemous to this dude. She’d never know what got him bent out of shape because their beliefs are so different.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #65   Spreggels

    This one seems pretty cut and dried: the note writer is a nutbar. I wish we had a bit more context, though — there had to be _some_ kind of perceived slight for him to go off on such an unhinged diatribe, right?

    Actually, maybe he’s just crazy.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #66   Mishee

    wow, I am not sure what to say about this note… although I am pretty sure OSU is Oregon State University. That’s what they call it there, so I guess this note once again goes to show that Oregon is not only a crazy place, but it makes people who live there crazy too…

    I think it has something to do with the weather patterns… I swear it is on crack or something…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #67   Mishee

    ummm, yeah, I just went to the handy dandy and I hate to say it but “imachinations” is NOT a word! Just thought I would let everyone know that, so they can all start picking on that one too…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #68   the sos

    OSU could also be Okla State U. Lots of crazies down this way. Or Ohio State. Google search brings up Ohio, Oregon, then OK. I’d expect more religious nuttery out of OK, but those freaks are everywhere soo…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #69   Lisa

    oh my, good riddance is all I can say.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #70   Mishee

    Ah shit I will be the first to admit it when I am wrong, but if you just go to your address bar and type in it’s Ohio State… damn! I love the crazy Oregonian theory!!

    Oh well, Ohio probably sucks pretty bad too… I wouldn’t know though…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #71   fb

    this is definitely Ohio State. They’re buckeyes, I mean come on! If that doesn’t say crazy then what does?

    besides his email address is something like = ohio state = oregon state (it’s a stretch, I know) = oklahoma state

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #72   Juliet

    I have had the friends who have said, “Think about what YOU DID and APOLOGIZE.”
    This guy gets my vote for ‘Martyr of the Month’.

    I’d love to know what the submitter did that was so disgusting. Not giving the martyr his due maybe?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #73   claw71

    Picking up chicks in church? Yeah, I’ve tried that. I showed this one hottie my rosary beads and she slapped me.

    I do get tired of so-called “true” Christians insisting that the whack-jobs who do crazy things in the name of Christianity aren’t really Christians. But then they’ll turn around and call Muslims fanatics who can’t be trusted.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #74   Mishee

    I just wonder what it is that crazy thinks the submitter did that they had to THINK about it and then apologize!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #75   claw71

    Ohio State is crazy.

    Look at how they emphasize THE. It’s not Ohio State it’s THE Ohio State University. And of course we all know that a Buckeye is a bitter nut, right?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #76   lauralaiwc

    i like the christian/church and car/garage analogy. good, good point.

    and, as someone pointed out, there are a tad few contradictions in this thing, so i think the sender is just plain psycho.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #77   recipient

    As the recipient of this e-mail, I thought I’d address a few comments.

    - Yes, the e-mail is from Ohio State.
    - I’ve kept it all these years because it is the single most bizarre message I’ve ever received. I recently made copies of it and passed it around work after discovering that a co-worker went to college with the sender. We freaked out when we found out we both knew him and he described the sender as having “crazy eyes.”
    - We went to a pub that evening, suggested by the Melissa mentioned (Thurman’s – for the commenter from Columbus.) The sender was not of age but the rest of us were. I think we maybe had two beers a piece. We found out after the fact that the sender was completely against alcohol consumption and thought that being invited to a bar would not involve alcohol.
    - I had previously turned down the sender during the one evening we spent alone. That evening I started to say something and he cut me off with, “Be quiet, I’m thinking.” Literally 10 minutes later he said, “Okay, I’ve been thinking about all the signals you’re sending and I’ve decided you want me to kiss you.” I politely told him that he was mistaken. When he took me home that night I realized I’d forgotten my keys and I didn’t know if my roommate was home. I told him as much but when he dropped me off he didn’t even let me get to the front door to see if I was going to be locked out for the night. He just took off. At the time I took it as social awkwardness, not lunacy. (My bad)
    - Melissa coordinated the outing and invited the two guys. She liked the Patrick mentioned, and the sender may have thought I was being too flirty with him. I’m now married to Patrick and Melissa got back together with her ex the next month and got married. Sooo, in retrospect, that might not be what I did to “disgust (him)” either.
    - There apparently was a first e-mail, and he ignored me for two weeks when he thought I wasn’t responding. I didn’t even know he was ignoring me until Melissa informed me.
    - He did not stay true to the Sunday deadline. Of course, I was not going to dignify the e-mail with even the slightest response, so he called me a few days later to find out if I was going to reply. I politely said, “no” and he informed me that he was calling before Sunday to find out because he didn’t want to wait until then and then have to “Yell at (me) at church.” How considerate. I told him that he was never getting a response and hung-up.
    - He completely ignored me for the next few years when I saw him occasionally, and has since moved out of state.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #78   Mishee

    WHOA! Time to get some lithium or something in this boy!!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #79   Goldie

    I think I have an explanation.

    A lot of people I know went to Ohio State.

    They like to talk about the good old college days, but it seems that they cannot recall ever being sober.

    I say the guy had been so drunk for so long that he started having paranoid delusions and other various imacinations of mind. Hence the weird email.

    I’m seriously reconsidering sending my kids there right now…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #80   lauralaiwc

    my god. someone indeed has some issues. i think passing out the email at work to other was a bit crappy, but this guy needs therapy.

    also sounds like a control freak extraordinair. makes me wonder what his life backstory is. please dont tell me, ill have more fun making one up instead :)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #81   Kristi

    I just have to throw in my great appreciation of the “hugs from Jesus” comments. Good show!

    Mishee, if you’d taken the time to READ all the comments, you would have seen that they’d worked out the “osu” identity already ;P

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #82   the sos

    suspense/thriller movie. wow. that’s all i got.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #83   Mishee

    now Kristi, I have always been a staunch supporter of you and your copy paper storage issues, so don’t turn on me yet! I saw that someone said it was Ohio State, but they didn’t sound too sure… if you know me at all, I will put my 2 cents in come Hell or High Water!!

    It’s all fun though… :)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #84   claw71

    I have to say that the recipient of this email is clearly the antagonist in this saga. I didn’t believe that until she clarified.

    1. Ladies, when in college you must know that the simple act of speaking to a guy means that you want to have sex with him.

    2. The Thurman is a well-known meat market (as evidenced by their Thurman Burger) the women who go there are all sluts. You should have gone up High street to Patrick J’s.

    3. Good girls don’t go to Ohio State. In fact, the admissions office carefully screens female applicants to make sure they will put out regularly. This helps in recruiting football players.

    It’s clear that our wrath has been misdirected. The recipient of this email simply refused to hold up her end of the bargain.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #85   Andy

    Anna-banana: There is a movie called “High Noon”, stars Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly. Some people call it the first adult (no, not THAT kind of adult) Western.

    And yes, they sho0t it out at high noon, as the train gets into town with the bad guys at that fateful time.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #86   recipient


    Alright, you got me. I was indeed sending the wrong signals. However, I believe this happened around the time that Patrick J’s was hit by that firetruck. If we’d gone there instead we could have died in each other’s arms like Romeo and Juliet…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #87   Iris

    I absolutely cannot believe a college student wrote this. Everything about it screams 13-year-old-girl.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #88   Mishee

    Perhaps a child prodigy Iris? Like Doogie? That’s a possibility I guess… makes it less scary sounding if it was though – then at least puberty not setting in yet gives then writer somewhat of an excuse…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 11:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #89   GhostWriter

    Dear recipient,

    You must contact Crazy Eyes, so we can hearhis side of the story. I just love the image of him calling you later…

    Crazy Eyes: “So – did you get my email this time?

    recipient: “Yes. Yes I did.

    Crazy Eyes: “Hold that thought- I’m thinking…”

    (fast forward ten mintues)

    Crazy Eyes: “Are you still there?”

    recipient: “Yes”

    Crazy Eyes: “So. Are you going to reply to it?”

    recipient: “No”

    Crazy Eyes: “Hold that thought- I’m thinking again…”

    (fast forward 15 minutes)

    Crazy Eyes: “You still there?”

    recipient: “Yes”

    Crazy Eyes: “I’ve decided that you must want me to yell at you in church.”

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #90   Katzndogz

    Ha! I was right, at least about the drinking thing. It is a very common dividing line with Christians – those that believe it is okay to drink in moderation and those that think there should be no drinking at all.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #91   claw71

    In all seriousness, I’m glad that this didn’t get nasty for you. Every college has its share of repressed freaks but Ohio State has an average enrollment that rivals the population of a small city. Between budding serial killers enrolled in classes and the wild-eyed crack dealers waiting in the dark alleys (Chittenden Ave) it’s a wonder so many make it to graduation.

    To those of you thinking “man, my kid isn’t going there” it’s not exactly downtown Detroit but it does help to make sure your darling gets a little lesson in urban survival before attending any major university.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #92   Oveta

    I’d be pissed if I worked with this girl and she didn’t forward me the email.

    Team Recipient

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #93   Jessica

    Yeah, I totally thought this was a female, given that, “If you don’t know what you did I’m not going to tell you” riff (and, I am a female – who has never played that shit ).

    An the church line was classic – I was not surprised by that little nugget.

    OK, and now that I have read the recipient’s response, I have to laugh – I completely guessed that this was about alcohol in some way, and his distaste for it.

    Given the 13-year-old girl nature of the letter, the church aspect, and the general social nuttiness, I am going to say:

    closeted homosexual fundamentalist Christian with Asperger’s.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #94   lauralaiwc

    even if this person thinks its wrong to drink alchohol they need to lighten up, not eberyone (clearly) agrees.

    and i stand by my statement that it was a bit cruddy to publically pass this around, unless crazy eyes worked there still and was harassing others. otherwise, it is a bit imature. sharing it between a friend, ok. but an entire office? unnecessary. and based on what “recepient” said, they did not work together, so it was rather midle-schoolish to do that.

    not saying that he wasnt psycho. just saying it wasnt needed.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #95   mere

    i’d like to see him hold this grudge until he dies.

    team: not kidding either.

    thanks terry!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #96   Anna-banana

    Thanks for clearing that up, Andy.

    I remember that movie. Saw it years ago.

    Grace Kelly was hot!

    And so was Gary Cooper!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #97   claw71

    You know Jesus turned water into wine so I think he’d be OK with knocking back a cold one every now and then. Of course I argued with a guy who told me that when they talked about wine back then they were referring to grape juice. He tried to tell me that they didn’t know how to ferment juice in “biblical times”.

    The reality is that grapes rot quickly and converting the juice to wine was the best way to perserve it. Clean water was scarce back then so wine was the most common beverage. Think pop.

    Sorry soda drinkers, but here in Ohio we drink pop and it’s f-ing delicious.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #98   Anna-banana

    #93-Jessica: You sound like you are reading from Sen. Larry Craig’s personal bio

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #99   Anna-banana

    Are you? :)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #100   recipient

    I’m not quite sure how everyone is okay with the fact that it was posted on a website, but the fact that I showed it to everyone in my office (5 people) more than 5 years after the fact is not.

    They don’t know this person (other than the one who knew him personally and could testify that he was a little off). They don’t even know his name. If you’ll notice from the e-mail, he took it upon himself to change the “sender” line to “n” so that I almost deleted it when I received it.

    So, when an office full of all girls and one guy start talking about crazy dates they had in the past, and I have the craziest e-mail of all, I think it is a “non-crappy” thing to do to print it out and show it off.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #101   Mishee

    I would’ve either printed it or forwarded to everyone in my office too recipient! It’s all good!

    Team Recipient and Team Mishee!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #102   Mishee

    oops, I forgot a comma there… Here ya go! “,”

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #103   mere

    recipient: it’s all good. i would probably keep an email like this for many years.
    and for several reasons.
    one of which being: when this dude snaps (and he WILL snap), you can tell the police ‘ oh hell yeah i knew he was crazy! look at this email!’
    second: it gave us all a good laugh. there’s mishee crazy(teasin’ mishee!) ;) and there’s REALLY crazy!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #104   Zsa

    Hey– not everyone thinks it was bad to pass it around. I’d have it hanging on my wall as proof that I NEVER want to be single again. And give it to all my friends, co-workers and anyone else in the dating scene. What is the phrase? “If you cant be a good example, then be a dire warning”
    GREAT bad date story- even my internet dating fiasco in Alaska cant beat this.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #105   Spreggels

    lauralaiwc, if you’re uncomfortable with the idea of sharing personal correspondence with a wide audience, perhaps you shouldn’t be on a website dedicated to that practice. Just a thought.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #106   Black Bellamy

    recipient wrote: I’m not quite sure how everyone is okay with the fact that it was posted on a website, but the fact that I showed it to everyone in my office (5 people) more than 5 years after the fact is not.


    That’s just something you shouldn’t worry about. There’s a lot of really immature people out there who have no idea that the primary function of the internet is public shaming. And public shaming is how humanity keeps the rogue elements in line. So you’re just doing your job.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #107   claw71

    I don’t think it’s a untoward to publish this email on line. We learn at a very early age to think before we speak and that goes double for writing. In this case the freak had a golden opportunity to redact his original line of thinking and either let it go or send a thoughtful message that wouldn’t reflect so badly on him.

    Once you hit that send button that message is no longer yours. It becomes the property of the person who receives it whether that recipient was intended or not. That’s why those privacy disclaimers at the end of business e-mails are so stupid. If it’s in my inbox I own it and can do whatever I want to do with it.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #108   claw71

    I was going to vote to kick Lauralaiwc off the island but then I linked to her Myspace page and decided she’s just too damned cute. Let’s just say my meat is no longer Kobe grade. I need another massage.

    Maybe Lauralai has sent a few wild messages in her day and fears she might be the subject of public ridicule.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #109   Mishee

    mere, in response to “Mishee Crazy” – my husband calls me “Sybil” – why in the world would he do something like that?!?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #110   Nowai

    What a homo.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #111   Fraulein N

    I think it’s precious that he thought they were going to a bar but weren’t going to drink. That’s why I don’t mess with people with Crazy Eyes; it’s usually a very good warning sign.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #112   lauralaiwc

    playing devils advocate = fun.

    i was just surprised no one else said anything first, seeing as how most of the people on this site look for that sort of thing to jump on.

    if said recipient truly left it anonymous, then i dont blame her, its a freaky story.

    and claw71, you make me lol a lot :)
    and, as far as grapes go, i think it was safer to drink wine than it was water in many circumstances.

    thanks for keepin me on the island ;)

    and to everyone else, lighten up, because you are all doing the same thing you are advising me to NOT do. so make up your mind :)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #113   Mailer Daemon

    I ate the letter.

    It was fucking delicious!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #114   Dave9

    Ladies and Gentlemen,
    Jerry Lewis!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #115   lauralaiwc

    lmao. ok, so what old posting do i have to hunt down for th fucking delicios thing to make sense?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #116   Anna-banana

    Claw: I think you & lauralai would be a good couple.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #117   Mishee

    lauralai – it’s something about Outback bread. I couldn’t tell you which post exactly though.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #118   claw71

    I think Jason Lee might name his next kid Mailer Daemon. To be honest I think it’s much cooler than Pilot Inspektor.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #119   butterfly

    Maybe I’m missing something — but why hold onto the email for 5 years “wondering” what was done to offend the guy — how about…ummm…I don’t know…ASKING the nut? I mean, at least you would know — and then, resume not being friends with the nut…


    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #120   Bob Loblaw

    Freaking Buckeyes.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #121   Dennis

    OMFG! This oozes Catholic mother guilt: “Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.”

    THIS is classic!

    Thank you Terry

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #122   Sair

    Recipient – I LOVE (bold, italics) it when a poster replies to all our inane ramblings and clarifies/provides background – it makes me feel all warm and cuddly… And I don’t think it was a bad thing to show it to your workmates – hell, I’d have been sharing it with the world from the very moment the loonbag sent it!

    Can’t STAND it when people do that ‘if you don’t know what you’ve done I’m not going to tell you’ crap – grow the fuck up and just tell me you nob (another good British put down just especially for you, Mishee).

    And my new most favourite put down of the day thanks to Stephanie – ‘bat shit crazy’… Just off to call my boyfriend that and see what happens…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #123   Mishee

    Funny thing is Sair that some American put downs just don’t sound as harsh with a British accent… you guys are just too proper and refined… that’s why you say things like, “nob” and “cow” and “bangers and mash”…

    I don’t know, I guess I just can’t explain it…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #124   recipient

    I now wish I had asked him what the issue was, but I’d already dealt once with a “You figure out why I’m mad at you and then apologize” person and wasn’t going to “play that game” again.

    I obviously had a lot of guesses, but I don’t think the drinking thing was it. The other two drank and they didn’t get nasty e-mails. Melissa even ate a foot long hot dog in three bites to win a $20 bet from Patrick and she wasn’t shunned. I figured if anything was going to piss him off, that kind of thing would. Crazy drunks, gambling and sexual undertones.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #125   merenick

    Italics, bolded, underlined, mixed fonts and type sizes…

    …oh the humanity!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #126   Mishee

    recipient – maybe it was the fact that you were doing all of those things yet still going to church. possibly he has no problem with people who do that, as long as they don’t commit hipocrisy and go to the “Lord’s House” every Sunday and worship Him. Damn Sinners!!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #127   Mishee

    oh, and does Melissa offer lessons on the hot dog trick??

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #128   CA Girl

    I for one would like to know what an “imachination” is…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #129   Sair

    Oh definitely Mishee and it works both ways – always sounds weird/stoopid when Americans try to say ‘bollocks’ or ‘twat’ (no offence!). Aahh, the great divide, cultural melting pot, life’s rich tapestry and all that kinda thing – must admit it’s usually the (very obviously) ‘merican posts and comments that make me LMAO the most…

    Recipient, I’m so glad you didn’t lower yourself to the crazy idiot’s level and play his game – he so obviously WANTED you to go to him asking what you’d done wrong – I’ll bet he had a whole big speech all worked out ready for when you did. Spent hours in front of the mirror practising – probably even wrote it all down so he wouldn’t forget any important points. Now THAT’S a PAN I’d love to see! Ghostwrite, care to give it a shot for us?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #130   Sair

    Oops sorry, did you out of an ‘r’ there Ghostwriter – I think it went off to join Jes’ spare ‘s’ on vacation – I’d like to picture them relaxing by a lake somewhere, sipping Pina Coladas…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 2:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #131   Nanna

    I think we can all agree the guy is a nutjob. He probably was attracted to her, and she flirted with someone else, while drinking, which he didn’t approve of. Then, because he is bonkers, he flew off the handle.

    And as far as that first email? Every single email I have missent has been returned to me right away. Is he that crazy that he didn’t see it, or too ignorant to know that meant the email never got to her?

    An then, to send her another one, self-righteously high-handed in nature, demanding apology from someone he barely knew?


    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #132   claw71


    Why would you bother pressing him for a reason?

    Let’s assume for the sake of argument that you were a horrible tease in college. Maybe you had a crush on Patrick and hoped to make him jealous by hitting on Mr. Fonts. In that situation most guys would settle on calling you a slut or a lesbian and moving on. A guy tries to hit it and if he can’t he says he did anyway. Simple, right? And women expect us to do this. Maybe, if you really were exceptionally cruel, he would have been entitled to spreading a rumor about your femine hygiene(crabs) but there’s nothing you could have done that mitigates this unsettling response. Guys are supposed to act like children, not serial killers.

    I really wish you would submit this guy’s name so we can revoke his manhood status. No self-respecting man plays the “guess-what-you-did” game and when we’re gilted we never offer ongoing friendship.

    n: in the future, just write “whore” on her windshield and move on.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #133   Mishee

    Claw I don’t quite know what we would do without you or what we did before you joined the group of regulars. You are a riot!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #134   Sair

    Guys, I’ve just re-read the original note and spotted this gem:

    “…it would be wise to contact me in some way and reveal to me the inner imacinations of your mind”

    Ok, apart from the fact that he’s just making words up there (which we’ve already covered – prick), I think this guy actually thinks he’s some kind of Jedi. “To contact me in some ways wise it would be.”

    It would be wise to contact me?!!! You ARSEHOLE!!! Grrr, I’ve never got so riled up about a PAN before – this one really has hit the ‘make Sair furious’ spot. Smug, self-aggrandising, smarmy, immature wanker. I hope he’s locked up in chokey (translation: jail/pen/juvey) for the stalker behaviour which he’s no doubt subjected some other poor woman to – I’ll bet he picked on a more passive victim the next time…

    Team lock n up where he belongs and let him feel some big hairy man love.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #135   Mr DeBakey

    Melissa ate a foot-long hot dog in 20 seconds?

    Thats very interesting.

    Do you have her number?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #136   Mishee

    Ahh!! Another one of my favorites Sair – “wanker”… You are totally awesome!

    Mr. DeBakey – not only did she eat that hot dog in 20 seconds, but apparently in only 3 bites… that’s the part that intrigues me and makes me wish I could get some pointers from Melissa…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #137   phunkyd

    I grew up in Ohio and went to a very right wing church as a child (think “Flashdance” or “Jesus Camp” without the speaking in tongues thing) before growing up and realizing it was all hooey.

    But we were told in church that the “wine” jesus made was just grape juice. When you’re a fundamentalist, you can make any word mean anything that fits your world view! Then, you know, I read a dictionary. :)

    Team jesus hugs for all!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #138   Sair

    Shucks, thanks Mishee *hands in pockets, hanging head, shuffling feet, embarrassed grin*

    Oh, and “you guys are just too proper and refined” – hmm, think you should probably hang around pretty much any British city centre on a Friday/Saturday night and witness the drunken brawls and screaming sluts before you make that judgment…

    Hang on just a minute – heeeey, I bet n would LOVE it, drunken brawls and screaming sluts sound just up his alley!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #139   Amanda

    Wow claw! Thanks for clarifying that I’m an idiot! I think actually GVI’s assumption about me was slightly more correct, in that assumptions are all we can make around here unless otherwise clarified. As someone who has heard variations of “by church on Sunday” used as an expression for “Sunday morning,” no amount of your travels around Ohio and the Bible belt would have convinced me that I am a blithering idiot for making that interpretation right away.

    And no, I’m not Christian, and I don’t hang around Bible-thumpers who would zestfully use that phrase literally. But since this is the internet, and since we’re are subject to your off-base assumptions about people you’ve never met, just be aware that I’ll be the one sitting here laughing the more that you make incorrect guesses about me.

    p.s. Church was fucking delicious.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #140   Mishee

    I do admit I love me some drunken brawls and screaming sluts, but I believe I mis-typed when I said that you guys are all proper and refined… I meant to say that you guys SOUND too proper and refined… I meant nothing about the way you act!! :) At least I know I probably would feel at home going to visit across the pond… Maybe one day….

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #141   Mishee

    All this church talk is making me uncomfortable… I am so glad I grew up in and live in a Hell Bound part of the country. I am pretty sure that most if not ALL of the people in this metropolis I call home are going to Hell in a Handbasket.

    None of that pesky “worrying about what God thinks” – we just do what we want! No judgment!

    And no, I don’t think the rash of deadly wildfires in the Bay Area have anything to do with our athiest (or in my case, agnostic) tendencies…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #142   Kristi

    recipient: the question we’re all dying to have answered: Is there an “n” in his real name, or does “n” just stand for ‘NUT’?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #143   Kristi

    oh, and Mishee, I was just teasing! I have appreciated your copy paper support, believe me :)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #144   Nanna

    The “n” must stand for nut.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #145   Mishee

    wow Kristi and Nanna – jinx!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #146   Andy

    #116: lauralaiwc — see this post for the fucking delicious Outback callback.

    It’s now a game who can say it first, in the best context. It’s a game we all win, in my opinion. :)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 3:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #147   Anna-banana


    The Jedi way: “To contact me in some ways wise it would be.”

    Hits the nail on the head! Or hits “n” on the head. Or messes with his head…which IS WHAT HE’S AFTER IN THE 1ST PLACE!!!!

    He’s trying to get in her pants. He wanted her to contact him because he wanted contact.

    Get it? Got it? Good….

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #148   GhostWriter

    By his/her Satanic Majesty’s Request:

    My Dear recipient,
    I received, with great interest, your note of yesterday, which consisted of the single line, “OK, I’ll bite- What’s up your ass?” My hands are literally trembling as I fumble through a stack of note cards, drawn up just for this occasion. I assume that you are asking about that fateful evening we were paired as a couple, and when it was over, the various tranaggrations you committed that separated us for the past five years.

    I do now wonder how you held your curiosity about this enigmantrical situation in check so long? Did you think often about me and our last perfect evening together? Have you had any trouble relating to others as a result of our sad obnioxity? Not that I have; I have been over this for quite some time now, but I thought you might…

    In any case, is neither my place not interest to guide you in your penance. Follow your own path- realize your own shortcomings that drove you to act so disgustingly (and of course, apologize.) Know that this is not for my benefit at all- I did not even remember where my note cards were laid until I saw your note and looked for them.

    If you really intend for us to get together and address this issue over a glass of wine or something, please send me your home address and phone number, and I will arrange to give you one last chance at your own redemption. But this is a one-time offer, and I am not kidding.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #149   Nanna

    That jinx was fucking delicious.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #150   Team Cassandra


    When I was MUCH younger, 3 friends and I went to a movie and spiked our pop with vodka. Needless to say we got pretty rowdy (the theatre was mostly empty and we were up in the front which didn’t help).

    At the end a woman stood up and shouted:

    “I can’t *believe* the *OBNIOXITY* of you people”

    to which we replied:”BWAHAHAHAHA! OBNIOXITY!!!BWAHAHAHAA!”

    I never knew how to spell it until now. (see #149)

    ps: yes, yes we were very obnoxious. sorry.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #151   Anna-banana

    I’m submitting this to Pulitzer, GW. Your prize awaits you!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #152   recipient

    The updated e-mail was priceless – font changes and all. Though I doubt he’d offer me wine.

    No, no “n” in his name. Just check off another part of the freakshow. He took the time to change that before sending. I’d received other e-mails from him and they all had his real name. Maybe he thought I was cowering in a corner with shame over what I’d done to him and wouldn’t open the e-mail if I knew it was from him.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #153   Anna-banana

    Recipient….what you just described ‘n’ doing, changing his name so that you’d read it & not hit delete is perfectly pure P-A.

    Love it!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #154   claw71

    I think the “n” is short for “now I’ve got you”..which is what he planned on saying once this email coaxed our unsuspected recipient back to his lair.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #155   claw71

    Amanda: I only meant “idiot” in the most affectionate way. In Ohio that’s how we greet the people we love. My parents called me idiot all the time.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 4:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #156   Mishee

    #154 Anna – I agree, changing his name to “N” is the equivelent of the same thing I do to my hubby when we are fighting, when I call him I use *67 to block my number so he doesn’t know it’s me! Same damn thing!!

    So, recipient, why won’t you at least tell us his first name so we can make fun of it? It’s great!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 5:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #157   GVI

    Man i still cannot believe that you are married.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 5:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #158   Zsa

    OMG Mishee, I never thought of that!! (#157) LMAO Although I’m usually the one not answering the phone cause I’m pissed. Anna~ dont tell my hubby~

    Sep 6, 2007 at 5:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #159   Mishee

    GVI, believe me after it taking almost 8 years to bag the sumbitch I can’t believe it half the time myself! Then I look at him and want to smother him with a pillow and it all comes rushing back…

    But eloping is TOTALLY the way to go!! No money issues, no dress issues, no PEOPLE issues! Just don’t do it on St. Patty’s Day in Reno – gets a LITTLE crazy there when everyone tries to drink like an Irishman!!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 5:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #160   Nanna

    No way I’m eloping! It took 6 years to finally break mine and I am going to make damn sure I get a wedding I will actually enjoy!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 6:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #161   the sos

    claw: is that idiot like, “Jane, you ignorant slut.”?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 6:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #162   Mishee

    Hey, I never said I didn’t enjoy it… you know me, drunken brawls and screaming sluts, all day every day! It was fun without all of the distraction of actually having to deal with my family and his family (that’s a nightmare right there, they are like rabbits those people are) and money wise, and the fact that we lived in different states when we actually tied the knot, I didn’t move back home until a month after we married…

    Sep 6, 2007 at 6:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #163   Nanna

    Yeah his family drives me crazy. Both of us actually. But we would rather get married up here, and have a wedding on the beach or close to it, or in a vineyard (all his ideas, BTW). If he had it his way it would be near a lighthouse on the beach with everyone who could make the trip.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 6:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #164   mamason

    Just a couple of things… Can someone pls define passive-aggresisive for me? I always thought it was when someone “accidently” stepped on your foot when in reality they were just ticked off. Now I’ve come across this very entertaining site and I realize that some of my own notes to my husband would be considered pan’s. Secondly, the comments concerning Christians remind me of any slack jawed, butt scratching, beer drinking moron spewing forth hate speech about any ethnic group that’s ever been the recipient of organized, government sanctioned bigotry.
    Seriously, WWJD?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #165   Mishee

    Here is your definition: (thanks!)

    passive aggressive:

    being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness).

    Welcome to the Site! Join a Team and let’s go at it!

    (Umm, Jesus would probably just wanna kick back and have some wine and be groovy…)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #166   Amanda

    claw, is that kind of like how my girlfriends and I all call each other “sluts?”

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #167   Mishee

    I miss joobs….

    Well everyone, it’s been fun, see you in the morning!!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #168   Anna-banana

    Amanda, are you a slut?

    Don’t worry ZSA….secret’s safe with me! ;)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #169   Mishee

    Sorry for the false hope, I have one more thing to say to Team Cassandra…

    If you had been paying attention you wouldn’t have to use the stars you could’ve just said:

    “I can’t believe the OBNIOXITY of you people”

    Lovin’ the italics!!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 7:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #170   skye

    #123 southern colloquialisms for Sair:
    crazy as a shithouse rat
    throwed slap F***ING left
    #165 mamason, I don’t think all of them qualify as hate speeches. Some of us have had to deal with the religious nuts waaay too much. Try being raised by Southern Baptist-no drinking- no smoking-no dancing-no gambling-but it’s ok to smack the shit out of your kids for reading demonic books-type, and see how much patience you have with pulpit pounders. I don’t hate them, I just wish they would leave me alone! Of course, putting a “Pagan and Proud” bumper sticker on my truck probably wasn’t too provocative, was it? (insert big evil grin here)
    Oh yeah, the “demonic book” was David Eddings Queen of Sorcery. I was 16. My mom smacked me in the head with the book, tore it into pieces, slapped me across the mouth, and grounded me for a year. See what I mean about religious nuts?

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #171   claw71

    I think you’re on the right track Amanda.

    Um, it might be a little forward of me but when you get to calling each other sluts does it sometimes escalate into a pillow fight? A naked pillow fight?

    I’m not Kobe grade anymore.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #172   Anna-banana

    More like Angus, know.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #173   Dana

    “Hangin’ on like a hair in a biscuit!”

    Sep 6, 2007 at 8:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #174   mamason

    #166 mishee, thanks. If I must pick a team then I’m on team recipient. I only hope that I am able to reach the heights of humorous response that have been attained by all of the participants here. Y’all crack me up.

    #171 skye, ouch! I don’t even know how to respond without totally blowing the whole hilarious vibe here, but- try being raised by total aetheists, constant drinking, always smoking, let’s beat the kids just for kicks types. evil is evil and truth is truth regardless of what any person says. My lies will never negate the truth of God. Religious nuts, aetheist nuts: nuts is nuts.
    (is this when I thank Terry?)

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #175   Anna-banana

    #175- you catch on quick! Welcome!

    And #173, I meant ‘now’. Oops

    Sep 6, 2007 at 9:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #176   Gadget

    I think I’m offended by many things in this thread….and I’ll leave it to each of you to figure out why….. :) The deadline can remain open.

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Clearly the sender is playing somewhere in the barking mad category.

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #177   Team Cassandra


    I [italics]would[/italics] and I [italics]know[/italics] that I [italics]can[/italics] but I don’t know [italics]how[/italics]!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #178   Anna-banana

    #178-you’re ‘too cool’, TC.

    And thanks for staying at the Monreal hostel, so we could have the cool pix!

    Sep 6, 2007 at 10:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #179   joobs

    Ack, ack, ack. I have been working too hard the last couple of days.

    I had to read all the comments kind of fast to catch up. Hi, Mishee!

    The only thing I think I can comment on, is:

    It would be a bitch to figure out what time “church on Sunday” is if you’re Catholic. I mean, there’s morning Mass, Lauds, High Mass, Spanish Mass at 3, vespers, 6 pm Mass. Not to mention Saturday night Mass that counts as Sunday. I would have had no idea what my freakin’ deadline was if I wanted to apologize and still be his friend. Not that it would ever happen. I’m for team Keep This Note As Evidence When He Goes Postal Eventually One Day.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #180   BoggyWoggy

    I loved this site so much before Mishee came along. It’s gotten to the point that the awesome, creative comments about passive-aggressive notes are now like wading through garbage.
    C’mon, folks…make a statement that means something…then move on. And for God’s sake…go to and place an order. I’m poking her in the eyes right now!

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #181   Amanda


    Probably. I’ll ask the naked guy next to me what he thinks.


    What bothers me about people referring to naked pillow fights is that they always leave out the massage oil and whipped cream, aka the most important parts.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 1:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #182   Anna-banana

    Amanda’s a cool slut. I want to join your club.

    And Hershey’s Chocolate syrup!

    Sep 7, 2007 at 8:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #183   lauralaiwc

    if we are custom-making voodoo dolls, i know of a few individuals who deserve a swift prick (not that kind) in the behind (hahaha).

    thanks for the link, andy. it was fucking delicious. not funny. ok.

    amanda, at your next pillow fight, start things off with some vodka, then add chocolate syrup to the hilarity (not to the vodka). works for me like a charm every time.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 11:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #184   lauralaiwc

    ok, now i like amanda AND anna-banana.
    bananas and chocolate taste good together, too…

    Sep 7, 2007 at 11:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #185   Team Cassandra

    Oops to Anna-Banana: i [italics]thought[/italics] I was replying to you but it was [italics]actually[/italics] Mishee.

    But since I did “Hi! – You’re fun to read!”


    How do I make italics!?! I want to make crazy stalker notes too!

    Sep 7, 2007 at 11:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #186   Goldie

    I am still cracking up at #156.
    This is actually true. I call my kids idiots all the time too. It’s an Ohio thing.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 11:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #187   hillbilly

    That boy is crazier than a junebug on crack! I gotta wonder if recipient even noticed his “behavior on the two previous sundays”, or if he’s such a dumbass everyone missed his hissy fit? I do like the changing fonts, just kinda points out the whole crazy thing.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #188   hillbilly

    #59 nah, he didn’t use holy water, he prayed the annointing of the blood of Jesus on that spawn of satan technology!

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #189   lauralaiwc

    to make italics do this without the spaces next to the i and to close it, again with no spaces.
    bold works the same way, but with a b.
    html is fun. but not realy fun. only sometimes.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #190   lauralaiwc

    wtf? why did it do that? gar.
    put an i in there, and to end the italics, put an i after the slash.

    man, this comment thing is sensitive!!! and it wont underline at all. sad.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #191   lauralaiwc

    forget it. teach yourself. lol.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #192   Anna-banana

    Thanks, T.C.

    To Boggy…., “Can’t we all just get along?” hahahaha….NOT!!!!

    It’s more fun this way!

    Hugs for Jesus or as we say in SPaNisH: “Hey-Suess”

    Sep 7, 2007 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #193   turrboenvy

    <i>italic stuff</i>

    I’m hoping that’ll work. Team preview! To show the agle brackets in HTML, use &lt; and &gt;. To show the &, use &amp;.

    Also, you guys’ imachinations are fucking delicious. I’m a habitual lurker. Must be the Aspergers.

    Thanks Terry.

    Sep 7, 2007 at 1:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #194   Team Cassandra


    Sep 7, 2007 at 5:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #195   Team Cassandra


    Sep 7, 2007 at 5:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #196   gvi

    boooo shame on HTML for not working

    Sep 8, 2007 at 3:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #197   turrboenvy

    If there were a preview, I would have tried first, before suggesting a course of action. Sorry!

    Sep 10, 2007 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #198   GVI

    lets offer the PAN God a human sacrifice so we can get a template for our HTML, who shall we sacrifice?

    Sep 11, 2007 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #199   mjb

    Haha, OSU. Figures, he is from Ohio.

    I agree with Amanda.

    Lotta religious haters in here, phew.

    Sep 12, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #200   jen

    this actually reminds me of something my schizophrenic uncle would write.

    Sep 18, 2007 at 1:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #201   cobalt

    I knew off the bat that it was an obsessive crush scolding (had a friend who would take this stance with girls he liked, albeit not quite so crazily). Go life experience.

    Recommend to sender that he grow up and indulge his repressed S&M desires. Unlikely that he’d be able to, though.

    This is a pretty great site, and is my first time discovering it, if the lateness to the party wasn’t an indicator.

    Nov 8, 2007 at 3:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #202   xetwa qkwdmtrn

    fqbrvhz nwqhizlob hbvm xnvarygiw tbdp kygxz ljpn

    Aug 7, 2008 at 6:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #203   Tech Guy

    I would like to learn more about these imacinations of the mind.

    Team I-make-up-words-to-make-my-point-even-more-obscure

    Nov 26, 2008 at 11:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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