frequent troublemaker team cassandra sends us a dispatch from her trip to old montreal. the charmant hostel she stayed in had 32 hostelers, two bathrooms, one kitchen, lots of awkward signage, and an overall vibe of, “i’ve said this 10, 000 times and i’m not saying it again.”
plus….
reddit!
stumble it!
138 responses so far ↓
#1 Anna-banana
Ooohhh!!! I like the switching of the dorm beds….could that be while people are IN them? That’s a kinky thought. I LOVE it!
And I love how one sign asks people to drink elsewhere and at the same time ‘please deposit their beer cans into the recycle bin’!
Team Hypocrisy!
Sep 6, 2007 at 10:18 pm rating: 0
#2 Anna-banana
And I forgot to say my PAN prayer before bed: Thank you, Terry!
Sep 6, 2007 at 10:19 pm rating: 0
#3 Anonymous
lol I dont understand the switching beds thing… >.> maybe they were having a wrestling match in the hallway and needed padding for the floor??? (then just got too drunk to remember who’s bed went where)
Sep 6, 2007 at 10:45 pm rating: 0
#4 beguile
Those notes are the epitome of passive aggressive. Brilliant.
Sep 6, 2007 at 11:18 pm rating: 0
#5 katy
thank YOU for keep p-a notes tidy and neat.
Sep 6, 2007 at 11:35 pm rating: 0
#6 Wry Exchange
What’s the address? Looks like a lively place to stay. I promise to keep the door closed, clean the drain, and keep the washroom tidy. I can’t promise to stay in my own bed.
Sep 6, 2007 at 11:51 pm rating: 0
#7 Mr DeBakey
What about Pas de Fumer?
Do you have to Pas de Fumer aussi?
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:22 am rating: 0
#8 Laurie
I think I’ve stayed here.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:44 am rating: 0
#9 lilyoshee
pas de fumer would be “no smoking”
Sep 7, 2007 at 1:00 am rating: 0
#10 Amanda
I love the first sign because it reminds me of Mean Girls:
“Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just don’t do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers. ”
The sign is basically saying, “Don’t drink here! Do it somewhere else! Oh ok if you must, recycle your damn cans.”
Sep 7, 2007 at 1:29 am rating: 0
#11 Nanna
I especially like the contradictory nature of the signs posted side by side saying “be welcome” and “keep this door closed.”
Sep 7, 2007 at 1:48 am rating: 0
#12 Mike Kushnir
i think i stayed here once. (it actually wasn’t so bad.)
Sep 7, 2007 at 2:02 am rating: 0
#13 Jay
Ah, the joys of hostel traveling. I remember it well. Actually, these notes look like standard hostel fare: “Don’t leave your luggage unattended,” “Don’t wash your dishes in the (bathroom) sink,” “Checkout is at 10 a.m.” and so on. Zut alors!
But how about that funky French font and the flower-power stationary? Pas mal, eh?
Sep 7, 2007 at 3:57 am rating: 0
#14 WSG
I guess Anglophones can leave their shoes on upstairs? Not only are they passive-aggressive, they’re discriminatorily so!
Sep 7, 2007 at 4:35 am rating: 0
#15 claw71
Montreal is a passive aggressive city, which is par for the course in Quebec. WSG, feel grateful there was any English offered here. Quebec is defiantly French and sometimes much less accommodating to Anglophiles than France is.
The sign on the door doesn’t prohibit drinking at all, think about your hostel demographic. Drink, but be respectful of others. It should go without saying but this is a hostel.
The signs are a bit much. Give people a run down of the rules when they check in and kick them out if they don’t follow them. Too often signs like these are counter productive. I know if I see a patronizing sign reminding me to flush the toilet or to lift the seat before I pee I tend to do exactly the opposite just for spite. People who lack the common courtesy to clean up after themselves aren’t forgetful, they’re inconsiderate and signs only trigger rebellious behavior thus exacerbating the problem.
Sep 7, 2007 at 6:54 am rating: 0
#16 Denise
I think by not switching dorm beds, they mean you get assigned to one, you should sleep in that bed, and you shouldn’t pick another yourself you might like better. That would be a mess when more people check in, and would find their assigned bed occupied. Staff wouldn’t know who was in which bed as well.
Sep 7, 2007 at 7:50 am rating: 0
#17 ginger
it’s a hostel. if you’re gonna stay in one , you kinda need to get used to the idea that there will be lots of folks & they will most likely annoy you !lol
shame to crack down on the bed swopping fun. lol
Sep 7, 2007 at 7:52 am rating: 0
#18 claw71
They like to keep track of who is in which bed so the killers can find you and dismember your body in the basement.
Speaking as a killer, I hate when I go to pick up my sexy blond tourist only to find one of those hairy legged Paula Cole fans snoring away in the assigned bed.
That’s why I left the business and became a political campaign manager for a rather popular female presidential candidate.
Sep 7, 2007 at 8:14 am rating: 0
#19 Anna-banana
Or a commie vegan Suzanne Vega fan who doesn’t believe in deodorant!
And to Denise…..of COURSE that’s what it means. But, it’s much more fun thinking the other.
Sep 7, 2007 at 8:53 am rating: 0
#20 claw71
I’ve seen the types who stay in hostels and have to tell you that I wouldn’t want to be doing any bed swapping. I’ll get my crabs the old fashioned way.
Sep 7, 2007 at 9:09 am rating: 0
#21 Heather
Wow, great handwriting on a couple of those. And in French, too. For some odd reason, that helps.
Sep 7, 2007 at 9:12 am rating: 0
#22 Fraulein N
Ew. Like claw71 said, why would you WANT to swap beds in a hostel?
My favorite is the “Thank YOU for keeping the washroom Tidy and Neat. It’s all, “Yes, YOU. Not you or you. And certainly not the jackass behind you who’s leaving pubes in the shower. They belong in the trash, in case you care not to know.”
Sep 7, 2007 at 9:20 am rating: 0
#23 Katzndogz
According to babelfish, the Veuillez sign says “please remove your shoes before going up.”
I also like how the “sil vous plait” is shortened to SVP.
Sep 7, 2007 at 9:25 am rating: 0
#24 GhostWriter
Our intrepid traveller returned to the hostel late one night, drunk (IAW sign #1) and in the dark hall, he misread the note as, “Thank You for Switching Dorm Beds!” Assuming that some P/A wench had stolen his bed and then excused it with a note, he slunk into the bed in the next room (which, unknown to him- was currently occupied…)
…and hilarity ensued!
Sep 7, 2007 at 9:54 am rating: 0
#25 Rolling a blog joint « Cuzoogle
[...] is back and so are the awesome passive-aggressive notes from [...]
Sep 7, 2007 at 9:56 am rating: 0
#26 T-Bone
Heather, I agree. The messages sound so pleasant in French.
Merci, Therese!
Sep 7, 2007 at 9:57 am rating: 0
#27 ShagNBag
The best has to be ‘Attention all who aim to booze it up tonight’. That sign speaks to me. But imagine my disappointment when i find out it’s trying to curtail my boozy hostel fun instead of possibly inviting me to a party or somehow contributing to the good times.
Laissez les bon temps rouler!
Sep 7, 2007 at 10:08 am rating: 0
#28 FunnyGal KAT
Well, at least they were polite. And really, doesn’t everything sound nicer in French? From now on, when I leave nasty notes to my coworkers for eating my sandwich or not replacing the copy paper, I think I’ll do it in French.
Sep 7, 2007 at 10:37 am rating: 0
#29 mere
you don’t NEED shoes if you keep the bathroom tidy… (for some reason, i just grossed myself out right then).
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:00 am rating: 0
#30 Mishee
#20 anna, I kinda miss Boggy myself - although the acid comments have been of late actually just quite mean and over the top. i think i am wearing her down…
that booze was fucking delicious…
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:00 am rating: 0
#31 Mishee
oh and KAT, here is your first translation:
“Le papier de copie va dans la pièce de copie. ”
or in English -
“The copy paper goes in the copy room.”
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:02 am rating: 0
#32 Juliet
These notes are totally hostel fare, and timeless. They are all the same: backhandedly bitchy.
“Please keep the bathroom clean, soyfucker! Bacon is life! Thank you Terry! ”
-THE VEGAN
I agree with post #29 - in the event I need to write a PAN, I will do it in French.
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:09 am rating: 0
#33 Mishee
KAT - I am intrigued by the French P/A notes to coworkers, so I have been hard at work (thank you http://www.freetranslation.com. Here is another one for your impending sandwich note you mentioned…
“La dinde se gâtait et le fromage commençait à mouler. ”
translation:
“The turkey was going bad and the cheese was starting to mold.”
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:21 am rating: 0
#34 Mishee
oops! I forgot to close my parenthesis! Here! “)”
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:21 am rating: 0
#35 lauralaiwc
#11, that makes me giggle too
and im with claw, i tend to want to do the exact thing ive been asked to not do, although when i lift the seat to pee, i tend to fall in, which isnt pleasant, and usually means someone places another PAN about getting toilet water on the floor. no fun for anyone.
ive never been in a hostel, mostly because it sounds too much like hostile, and id rather just avoid that altogether.
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:31 am rating: 0
#36 Team Cassandra
yay! the notes! (they really were everywhere and about everything - at least 15 of them on two small floors…)
claw71: most people in Old Montreal were very accommodating with the French/English thing but I will admit that they seem to like to watch you struggle (ie. if you speak one word of French, they’ll try to get you speak more, no matter how hopeless you sound).
and yes Mr. Debakey:Il y avait « pas de fumer » mais ils étaient dans la salle de bains seulement, sur les petites plaques ennuyeuses.
For me the “Attention” sign was the best, too, if only because the rest seem SO polite and that one sounds like its actually talking to a bunch of drunks.
And it *was* (still can’t figure out those italics) a really nice hostel, overall - its well kept, in an old stone house and kinda like staying with your big sisters (who write the notes) and 31 distant cousins.
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:32 am rating: 0
#37 claw71
Don’t rely on Freetranslation.com folks. You’ll come off looking really stupid.
Just for giggles translate a phrase from English to French then cut, switch to the French to English translation fucntion and paste your French phrase in. The results are often quite hilarious.
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:37 am rating: 0
#38 Zsa
#15… Claw does this mean you are inconsiderate and rebellious? And I hate to tell ya, but simply the fact that you are sleeping in a hostel bed- swapping or no- puts you at risk for those creepy crabs. the no-fun kind of risk.
LOVE it Juliet! youre my hero
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:51 am rating: 0
#39 lauralaiwc
i find that wrapping onesself in saran wrap can keep those pesky critters out.
Sep 7, 2007 at 11:54 am rating: 0
#40 Naomi
Damn me not knowing French! >
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:11 pm rating: 0
#41 Kuri
Lulz to Claw71…. “accommodating to Anglophiles” Those guys are hard to accomodate!
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:16 pm rating: 0
#42 WanderingPenguin
As a transplanted (English-speaking) Montrealer, I would like to offer my 2 cents’ worth - which should be treated more as an explanation and NOT a defence. Remember, my family is “transplanted”.
The reason Quebec is “defiantly French” is quite simply years of taking a back seat to all Anglophones in Canada. We are supposed to be a 100% bilingual country, but if you speak French only, well… just TRY to get around town in, say, Calgary.
Meanwhile, if you speak ENGLISH only, it has never really been a problem getting around Montreal because at the very least, signs have historically been bilingual. In 1977 Quebec rammed through “Bill 1o1″ which essentially has made it illegal to have outdoor signage in English in Quebec. There have been many amendments and such so that today we have the situation where you are now allowed to have English on an “outside” sign… provided the French on it is in letters AT LEAST TWICE AS BIG. Seriously. They go around and measure this.
But back to my earlier point: I am not really sure I agree that Montreal is a “passive-aggressive city” so much as it is simply militant about its heritage. I have never had any trouble speaking English anywhere in the city (I have a limited French vocabulary) and in fact, only really find myself in “hot water” when I attempt to speak in broken French. Even then, I would describe the reactions as “downright rude” and definitely not “P/A”. Probably close to what you would experience if you walked through Boston with a Yankees’ cap on. Although likely without the gang beatings.
Also, just to clarify the “No Smoking” translation: “Pas de fumer” is genrally used to mean “NON-Smoking” (like the choice you used to have on an airplane, for example). “NO Smoking” is normally written as “Defense de fumer” in “La belle province”. And “SVP” is a pretty standard abbreviation for “Please” in Quebec. It wasn’t a cutesy turn-of-phrase in just this case.
Otherwise, though, I particularly enjoyed the editing of the “Soyez Bienvenus” sign and wonder if it was done after-the-fact by some tourist from France? Let me assure you: Parisian French is about as close to Montreal French as New York English is to New Orleans English. Or, um…Newfoundland English.
L’equipe police de grammaire!
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:27 pm rating: +1
#43 hillbilly
I guess the door stays closed to hide all the drunken bed switching?
I really like the changing colors on the washroom sign. And aren’t tidy and neat the same?
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:27 pm rating: 0
#44 WanderingPenguin
Wow….I had no idea I was that verbose. Mea maxima culpa.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:27 pm rating: 0
#45 claw71
Ha. Anglophiles. Just caught that but still rather appropriate and they aren’t hard to accomodate at all, just annoying as all hell.
And I would love to see Lauralai wrapped in Saran wrap. I just went from Kobe grade to jerky reading that. Can you say priapism?
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:28 pm rating: 0
#46 lauralaiwc
phonetically, yes
haha. colored saran wrap is fun. but i didnt post those modeling pics on my myspace.
on the forbidding english to be on signage, wtf to people get so mad about america and the english language then? if i moved to any other country, 1. i wouldnt expect to see signs in english, and 2. i would learn the fucking language of the damn country. if you move here, learn it!
rant closed.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:31 pm rating: 0
#47 anglophile
#42 Kuri: Quote: Lulz to Claw71…. “accommodating to Anglophiles†Those guys are hard to accomodate!
Not all of us! Personally, I don’t care if Mishee calls herself Mishee or Mrs. Bender. I’m an easy-come-easy-go kind of anglophile/anglophone.
Wandering Penguin: Verbosity is a virtue, because it always ignites further verbose commenting by complainers that the comments are too verbose. It’s the Circle of (pan)Life.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:35 pm rating: 0
#48 WanderingPenguin
Lauralaiwc, I think I agree with you… not 100% sure who you are ranting at, though.
I wanted to mention that the forbidding of English on outdoor signs was SO reprehensible that Amnesty International even got involved. They can claim a huge chunk of the credit for having that law, if not overturned then at least amended. How 3rd-world is THAT?
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:35 pm rating: 0
#49 claw71
Hey Penguin! Try getting around Calgary speaking only English. Those inbred yahoos have their own secret language…Morlock, I believe. Alberta is scary and before you yetis in Vancouver chime in let’s just state for the record that there is nothing British about British Columbia.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:36 pm rating: 0
#50 WanderingPenguin
Hee hee - thanks, anglophile. I look forward to that!
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:37 pm rating: 0
#51 WanderingPenguin
Y’know, claw, I never thought of that way. Excellent point. As we transplanted Quebecois say, “Touche!”. (Or is that universal now?)
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:38 pm rating: +1
#52 WanderingPenguin
“…thought of IT that way…”.
Grammar police, indeed.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:39 pm rating: +1
#53 lauralaiwc
no rant against anyone, just in general. im a texan, and we do get alot of illegal imigrations down here, so its a sensitive topic for me that people come over here, suck up my tax dollars and then demand that we learn spanish and have spanish signs everywhere. i worked in a mall and people would get PISSED when they discovered i didnt speak their language. im sorry, i know the one my country speaks, thats all i need.
if you are truly getting over here to earn a better life for yourself, start by learning the language. im just tired of powdering everyone elses ass, and then they are merely unapreicative and demand more. we need to grow a pair and say “stfu”.
i get it being neccessry for tourism, however. i was in tokyo for a month and let me tell you, it was a HUGE releif to see english on street signs and bathroom signs (ESPECIALLY on the bathroom signs).
look at that, more ranting! lol! i havent had breakfast, maybe im just cranky
someone bring me some saran-wrapped outback bread, stat!!!
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:40 pm rating: 0
#54 lauralaiwc
that rant was fucking delicious.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:42 pm rating: 0
#55 Anna-banana
Lauralai…you are starting to sound a little like Mishee. Are you Mishee, too?
Claw…what type of claw are you? Freddie Kruegeresque or more of a babirusa?
And WPenguin…I love penguins, especially macaroni, rockhoppers, & gentoos….what type are you?
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:48 pm rating: 0
#56 WanderingPenguin
I understand EXACTLY what you mean now, lauralai. And FTR, I think Quebec was shooting itself in the foot because a huge amount of its provincial income comes from tourism.
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:51 pm rating: 0
#57 WanderingPenguin
First thing in the morning - macaroni. (Before I get perverted letters - BECAUSE OF THE HAIR. On my HEAD. Sigh…that’s likely not better, is it?)
Once I grab a shower - emperor.
After the second (and subsequent cups of) coffee - rockhopper.
As the coffee wears off - gentoo.
A lot of inbreeding in my family. Maybe we lived in Calgary? Hmmm…..
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:54 pm rating: +1
#58 claw71
You know, Lauralai, we have that same problem in Ohio…with Texans. They come up here with their “don’t mess with Texas” stickers and their cowboy hats and then get mad because we don’t speak redneckian. It’s such a pain. Then after they leave we’re stuck for the next three months trying to get the smell out. Oh, I’m sorry those aren’t Texans at all… just the trash from Cincy. You know that would be a much nicer town if they actually had a few “queens” in the Queen City. How has San Francisco not stolen that moniker from Cincinnati?
Wandering Penguin: Touche? Is that anything like douche?
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:54 pm rating: 0
#59 lauralaiwc
lol @ claw. those types of texans get under my crawl too. most of the people in this city arent like that at all. most of them dont even speak english
but i will say that when i moved here, i really expected to see tumbleweeds and ten gallon hats everywhere. and people riding horses all over creation. imagine my disapointment. i have seen one tumbleweed though and plenty of cayotes.
nope, not mishee; i have my own brand of whatever you want to call what this is.
the chinstraps and rockhoppers are my favorite!!!
Sep 7, 2007 at 12:59 pm rating: 0
#60 Team Cassandra
The cool thing about translation.com is you can get the accents happening…
and thank you! Wandering Penguin…I [italics]knew[/italics] ‘pas de fumer’ wasn’t quite right but I couldn’t figure out what was…
translation.com gave me ‘aucuns fumer’
Sep 7, 2007 at 1:06 pm rating: 0
#61 claw71
Anna:
I’m more of the chronic type of claw. It started off as a cruel nickname I got in school. For years I was bitter about it but as I got older and started to adapt I took that taunt away from people and embraced it as part of my identity.
It’s been a real struggle, sometimes I still feel like a freak, but I press on and fight the good fight when people mock me, I work even harder to show them that I’m not only equal to them, I’m better. I’ve parlayed my apparent misfortune into a tidy income.
The hardest part for me is finding love. I’m a really good looking guy and most people seem to like my personality but it’s so hard getting women to look past the claw and love me for who I am. I’m sure the right person is out there, a beautiful woman who loves me for me and doesn’t look at my claw in disgust, or at my money with lust, but I haven’t found her yet.
Of course, part of it might be my own doing. I might subconsciously sabotage relationships because I feel inadequate or maybe I’m terrified that I’ll have children who inherit the same tortuous claw I’ve dealt with all my life.
Probably not what you were looking for. This was more dramatic than I should post but amidst all of the jokes and banter I have come to adore each of you and believe that you should know who I am and what makes me tick.
Sep 7, 2007 at 1:08 pm rating: 0
#62 GhostWriter
Lauralaiwc, while delightful in her own way, is but a pale comparison to Mishee- the lack of bold and italics is a clear discriminator.
Sep 7, 2007 at 1:09 pm rating: 0
#63 claw71
As Master Thespian used to say: Acting!
Part of the story is true, I did get the nickname in school but it was thanks to my use of an illegal wrestling move I employed during my freshman year. Everything is in good working order.
You hear that Lauralai (and Joobs)? Everything.
Sep 7, 2007 at 1:26 pm rating: 0