“random people seem to have a lot of fun vandalizing portland’s many bus stops,” says kathryn. “several of the stops i use frequently have had their schedules removed, which is oh- so-helpful. the other day when i went to the stop in front of my office to go home, i noticed this little note. they even took the time to laminate it!”
reddit!
stumble it!
168 responses so far ↓
#1 eh
team laminate. stop destroying shit, damn fifth grader.
Sep 13, 2007 at 2:59 am rating: 0
#2 team terry
That’s funny! ‘ Kill yourself, it’s cooler’
The little bastards deserve more aggression.
Sep 13, 2007 at 3:03 am rating: 0
#3 Me3
Must mean “wee-wee” instead of “pee-pee,” I think. (Way to know that, self.)
Sep 13, 2007 at 3:10 am rating: 0
#4 Jayne
Heh… I wonder if these things ever actually make a difference. I can’t quite imagine a vandal being so impacted by such a note that he sees the error of his ways.
Sep 13, 2007 at 4:08 am rating: 0
#5 Debbie
Laminated? No shit. I’m seriously impressed. And on team laminate — if it needed saying…
Sep 13, 2007 at 5:00 am rating: 0
#6 Nattie
Team Laminate FTW.
And it hardly needs saying that your mother doesn’t work at this bus stop.
Sep 13, 2007 at 5:02 am rating: 0
#7 Vikki
That sign will be stolen within a week…
Sep 13, 2007 at 5:25 am rating: 0
#8 letters
Left unsolved is the mystery of whether the pee-pee was touched as an adult.
Sep 13, 2007 at 6:03 am rating: 0
#9 noble savage
Hmm. Never touched his pee-pee as a child. Does that mean the note writer touched it as an adult?
I smell a rebuttal note or some badly-spelled graffiti.
Sep 13, 2007 at 6:17 am rating: 0
#10 claw71
You learn something new every day. Pee pee touching prevents vandalism. I think we all owe NAMBLA a big apology.
You know what to do America. When you see a child, touch his pee pee or live with the consequences of your inaction. Remember, it takes a village.
Sep 13, 2007 at 6:34 am rating: 0
#11 claw71
There is something to it. I know that I’m always happy when somebody touches my pee pee.
Sep 13, 2007 at 6:36 am rating: 0
#12 claw71
And because it has to be done:
That bus schedule…
…it was fucking delicious.
And my pee pee is real, and spectacular.
Sep 13, 2007 at 6:38 am rating: 0
#13 Andy
The thing is, to go to all of that trouble of typing the note up on the computer, formatting it just right, printing and laminating the note, wouldn’t it be easier to have a pocket bus schedule?
Actually, any non-authorized decoration could be considered vandalism, so I’m on Team Note-Leaving-Vandal.
Sep 13, 2007 at 7:03 am rating: 0
#14 Andy
I do like the “kill yourself, it’s cooler”. Short and sweet. What’s nice is that it’s in a much smaller font size, so you really have to pay attention to the note to see it.
Sep 13, 2007 at 7:05 am rating: 0
#15 claw71
I smell the new anti-drug ads:
Don’t smoke meth. Kill yourself, it’s cooler.
It would work for those abstinence campaigns too, but we’ve already established the societal benefits of pee pee touching.
Sep 13, 2007 at 7:22 am rating: 0
#16 Marcelo
HAHAHAHAHAHA I love this!
@Jayne: I don’t think it would move the vandal, what I can imagine is that he gets a good laugh from that and stops vandalizing.
Sep 13, 2007 at 7:32 am rating: 0
#17 Craniac
Andy #13 — I don’t know about Portland, but Austin doesn’t have pocket-size bus schedules.
At one of the bus stops I sometimes use, vandalism became so bad that they came out and dismantled the whole stop, bus bench and all. Now there’s just a pole marking it as a stop, and that’s all, and it’s usually leaning at an angle.
Team Laminator definitely.
Sep 13, 2007 at 7:39 am rating: 0
#18 Minox
Fantastic! Laminating the sign puts it over the top. And I’m looking forward to the new anti-drug ads, the ‘drug use supports terrorism’ is getting old.
Sep 13, 2007 at 8:04 am rating: 0
#19 claw71
You hear that Austin? Time to get out there and touch some pee pees!
This is why you never see Catholic Altar boys out vandalizing bus stops.
Sep 13, 2007 at 8:58 am rating: 0
#20 Misheeâ„¢
Minox - lamination is necesscary - Portland is a very wet city… as for the pocket schedule, it’s easier to call 503-238-7433 then you get a real time estimate as to when your bus will arrive… those damn schedules posted on the stop are more of a suggestion anyways! (especially the #12 going down Sandy in NE PDX!) This is a pretty interesting note though…
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:01 am rating: 0
#21 FunnyGal KAT
Someone has a lot of anger about a lack of bus schedule. A LOT… because I agree with Andy that putting the note together (and laminating it!) was not a quick project. I think I would be changing bus stops to one with an intact schedule and a lack of homicidal note writers.
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:13 am rating: 0
#22 Kgtg
I think that s/he means “I never touched your pee-pee as a child, and it’s not my fault that Mommy didn’t love you.” They way it is written it looks like “It’s not my fault that I never touched your pee-pee…” Surely, s/he doesn’t mean that. Although, maybe pee-pee touching does prevent vandalism? Further tests must be conducted.
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#23 GhostWriter
Have you heard that new ditty by Dusty and Lefty (those two obnoxious cowboy poets from “A Prarie Home Companion”)?
I never touched your pee-pee as a child
(twangitty-twang)
That hateful spite has now done turned you wild
(dink-dinka-dink-dink)
Lefty only: The schedule mess betrays your anger,
Dusty only: Next you’ll grab your Mom and hang ‘er.
all together: ’cause she never touched your pee-pee as a child.
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:35 am rating: 0
#24 claw71
I think DMX hit the nail on the head:
Y’all ’bout to make me lose my mind…
touch me here, touch me here
Y’all ’bout to make me act a fool…
touch me here, touch me here
Y’all ’bout to make me wreck a sign…
touch me here, touch me here
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:38 am rating: 0
#25 claw71
This note does give new meaning to the old adage about sparing the rod.
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:42 am rating: 0
#26 Katzndogz
#21, I don’t think it’s anger so much as annoyance and bemusement over what dysfunction would motivate someone to tear down bus schedules. The note-writer wanted to diffuse his annoyance by having some fun at the vandal’s expense.
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:42 am rating: 0
#27 Cathy
Your metro service posts the schedules at the stops for you?? Damn, the only way we can get schedules here is to either be on the bus or at the transfer station, and the only way to get there IS by bus.
Sep 13, 2007 at 9:45 am rating: 0
#28 spiderflowers
Whatever happened to good old spray paint? Why didn’t the moron schedule stealer just spray paint some stupid gang symbol over the bus schedule? That is what they usually do in Kansas City. I think the schedule stealer is probably some geeky bus rider who thinks he needs his own special copy of the schedule. And by geeky bus rider I don’t mean that bus riders are geeky. I mean a geek who rides the bus. Get it?
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:05 am rating: 0
#29 GhostWriter
C.S.I. Portland (grammar police) have identified an error in the note- The large question mark is spaced away from the end of the last word in its sentence.
We are rounding up the Brits for questioning.
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:06 am rating: 0
#30 GVI
HAHAHA hey Cathy you ever heard the internetz?? You can get anything there, even BUS SCHEDULES!!
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:07 am rating: 0
#31 Max
I think they mean that they never touched your
pee-pee, so you shouldn’t have any anger. I
guess when an adult touches a child’s pee-pee,
that “violation” ruins them and they vandalize
when they get to be adults?
I think that’s the point they’re trying to make,
but it comes out all wrong in their message. funny.
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:09 am rating: 0
#32 Sazbot
Love it.
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:11 am rating: 0
#33 turrboenvy
I had to take buses in college, and for some reasons morons kept breaking the windows at the bus stops. What the school did, was put in wooden slats that a) did nothing to stop the icy wind from ripping through, and b) made it harder to see the bus coming. Fuckers.
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:17 am rating: 0
#34 Heather
I completely see the point of lamination. The p-a goodness will be protected from sun and rain, to stand as a testament UNTIL THE END OF TIME.
Team Laminator.
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:36 am rating: 0
#35 claw71
Teen suicides are too frequent in the Pacific Northwest and now some nitwit had to go and point out how cool it is. As if The Cure coming to town in ‘08 wasn’t bad enough. Robert Smith makes me want to kill myself.
Well, at least this trend seems to be limited to post-punk, goth and emo types. It’s not like those freaks have anything to live for.
Sep 13, 2007 at 10:54 am rating: 0
#36 Misheeâ„¢
claw, pretty much everyone who takes the bus in Portland is a freak (no offense Kathryn, hey I took it for 2 years from Washington state every day!!)… it’s a strange phenomenon. The commuter buses aren’t too bad, those are pretty “normal” working people, but ones like the #12 and the #72 (they go through lower income neighborhoods, and one goes down MLK Blvd, so you know how it is in that area!) are ripe with strange folk - it’s just a weird city on the whole though, so something like this note actually doesn’t really surprise me…
Sep 13, 2007 at 11:02 am rating: 0
#37 Katzndogz
Maybe it’s Portland, Maine. Those people are so bored that laminating their p-a notes is how they pass the time.
Sep 13, 2007 at 11:04 am rating: 0
#38 Ceryniti
No, it’s definitely Portland, OR. Mishee, I too use the Trimet tracker. It’s so much easier than trying to figure out the correlation between the times written down and your watch. But the problem, especially along the line 14 and 75, is that people remove the stop ID numbers.
I’d like to go check out this laminated sign. I even see some stop ID’s written in sharpie on some stops.
Oh, and yes, you meet the most interesting people on the buses. Especially the 14. And yes, I am one of those strange freaks on the bus headbanging to my headphones and tapping out the down beats on the floor. Get used to it.
Sep 13, 2007 at 11:35 am rating: 0
#39 Katy
Ghostwriter FTW
Sep 13, 2007 at 11:41 am rating: 0
#40 Ceryniti
sorry for the double post
Sep 13, 2007 at 11:42 am rating: 0
#41 Misheeâ„¢
Even without a stop ID #, you can get the schedule the first time, and learn the ID# - I had mine memorized and would call as I was walking out from my desk on the way to the bus stop - that way if it was super close I would know to hustle across the street. I think that successfully taking the bus is Portland is something you learn from experience - all the little nuances and of course, the “Tri-Met Cardio Workout” (running for the bus) - but the drivers up there are more willing to wait then the drivers here in the Bay Area. But that’s cause everyone in the Bay Area is in a HUGE hurry to get nowhere in particular…
Sep 13, 2007 at 11:45 am rating: 0
#42 Ceryniti
OK, and for the most annoying 4th post… wow, Claw, you really need to actually get out of your room and away from the computer. Most emo/goth kids are completely against vandalism. Especially here in Portland. We have a really great grouping of cool people who happen to be classified as goth/emo/punk.
And you know what? Fuck you, but I bet you were a Cure baby.
Punk rock rules.
(You didn’t happen to know that Social Distortion was here a few months back?)
Sep 13, 2007 at 11:46 am rating: 0
#43 claw71
I didn’t suggest that the vandal was a post-punk emo goth, I simply stated that cluing these kid in on how cool suicide it could be problematic. Imagine how many might hurl themselves in front of busses if they figured out doing so was cooler than donning eight pounds of black eyeliner.
I know the difference between vandalism and self-mutilation but I didn’t realize that this tragically hip clique had a strict no vandalism policy. I suppose if one of them did break form they’d give the bus schedule an inconvenient piercing rather than simply trash it.
Sep 13, 2007 at 12:02 pm rating: 0
#44 Andy
Ceryniti: Fuckin’ A.
A Cure baby. *chuckle*
Sep 13, 2007 at 12:05 pm rating: 0
#45 GhostWriter
“FTW”
…is that Free The Whales”?
C.S. I Update: The lack of pee-pee touching suggests that the notewriter is non-Catholic.
Again, we’re rounding up the Brits for questioning.
Sep 13, 2007 at 12:21 pm rating: 0
#46 zsa
Ceryniti~ please tell me you arent the chick with bugs tatooed on her armpits that I see every Tues/Thurs… although she isnt usually tapping out the beat from her headsets… Cure Baby– love it!
Sep 13, 2007 at 12:30 pm rating: 0
#47 lauralaiwc
#31, i agree, i think youve got the intent nailed down but the writer failed to communicate properly.
i wish this was laminated with tape instead of real laminate. i think that would give it extra edge.
Sep 13, 2007 at 12:54 pm rating: 0
#48 Minox
“The lack of pee-pee touching suggests that the notewriter is non-Catholic.”
You can probably take boy scout leaders out of the line-up as well.
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:05 pm rating: 0
#49 lauralaiwc
and i suppose it rules out michael jackson.
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:09 pm rating: 0
#50 GhostWriter
If there is one thing I find curiously annoying, it’s the kids bobbing forward, half-whispering “unn-chit, unn-chit, unn-unn-unn-chit” over and over as accompaniment to their iPod. In fact, often no iPod is even required. As if they are saying, “I am LIVIN’ this SWEET Backbeat, Dude!”
I typically counter with a overpowering rendition of “Mad About Me” (the cantina band song from Episode 4)
Doot-Dat, Doot-Dat, Doo-Dat, Doo!
Doodully-Doot, da Doot Doo, Doo.
Sing It!!
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:13 pm rating: 0
#51 Canthz_B
Touch your pee-pee until you kill yourself.
That’s uber-cool.
That laminate was fucking delicious!
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:15 pm rating: --1
#52 lauralaiwc
i hate that god-awful gutteral noise to GW!!! and i hate the little head-bob that goes with it. reminds me of a brain-dead peacock or something.
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:16 pm rating: 0
#53 Kathryn
Hah, within two days that schedule box had been replaced with a brand new one, facing a different direction - still sans-schedule. Just a blank piece of plexi-glass.
Oh well, that particular route (the 4) doesn’t seem to really follow a schedule anyway… tri-met just pretends.
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:33 pm rating: 0
#54 Fraulein N
Laminating a passive-aggressive note. Now that is some damn dedication, right there. I get the feeling The Laminator has a laminating machine he uses for instances such as this.
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:36 pm rating: 0
#55 lauralaiwc
ive heard rumor that if you go to office depot on thursdays they laminate your PA-notes for free.
ok, they will laminate anything, i bet. hmm….
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:42 pm rating: 0
#56 Misheeâ„¢
Kathryn, I can’t help but agree totally with your statement “Oh well, that particular route (the 4) doesn’t seem to really follow a schedule anyway… tri-met just pretends.” - I think it’s a city wide thing cause none of the other one’s are on time either! Don’t you hate waiting 45 minutes for a bus that’s supposed to come every 10 minutes???
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:49 pm rating: 0
#57 Misheeâ„¢
Wow Fraulein, I clicked on your name and was reading your blog, and your description of a Downtown Philly ER is eerily similar to the patrons of Tri-Met in Portland… interesting.. but your descriptions are pretty good!!
Lady in giant muumuu with tape covering one eye, slowly eating yogurt. There didn’t appear to be gauze or anything over her eye, mind you; just tape.
Lady’s husband hogging waiting room’s only copy of the Metro.
Young man unsuccessfully camouflaging ankle bracelet with athletic sock.
Woman sweeping out of the ER, magnanimously informing security guard, “I may be back.”
Paraplegic with possible diaper full of shit, blocking ER (bus) entrance.
Security guard spraying floor at regular intervals with bottle full of generic pine-scented disinfectant. (except possibly this guy)
Crackhead getting out of her seat for bathroom breaks no less than four times in the space of five minutes, in between taking giant mouthfuls of what appears to be some sort of barbecue soup.
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:53 pm rating: 0
#58 Anna-banana
#56: even Claw’s plaintain? That’d be cool.
(Or rather hot. Ouch!)
I know that typically a “pee-pee” refers to a penith, but what if we thought Outside The Box….an adult actually touching a child’s pee?
Not as much fun, but who knows? Golden showers?
Sep 13, 2007 at 1:54 pm rating: 0
#59 claw71
I think it’s wrong to assume that the note’s author is above pee pee touching. The author might be a pee pee toucher who believes that the vandal is some wayward neighborhood child who missed out on the love.
Sep 13, 2007 at 2:00 pm rating: 0
#60 ijRoberts
Should it be frightening that so many of our “regulars” are living in Portland, riding Tri-met? I’m a #19, personally…
However, I don’t headbang most of the time, I just sing quietly to myself while shaking back and forth. When you do that, it keeps the REALLY weird people from sitting next to you.
Sep 13, 2007 at 2:10 pm rating: 0
#61 lauralaiwc
claw, i normally would have to disagree with that, because that would imply some sort of weirdo/sicko, but then i have to remember all the past PA-notes and remember that most of these posters arent stable individuals.
Sep 13, 2007 at 2:13 pm rating: 0
#62 claw71
This note poster is a sicko.
We’re talking about somebody who was upset over a vandalized bus schedule but yet had the wherewithal to create and laminate this atypically sized and formatted note.
Then, as if that effort and the thoughts expressed in the main text weren’t creepy enough, this psycho signs off with the endearing message: “kill yourself, it’s cooler.”
Trust me, touching pee pees is the tip of the iceberg.
Sep 13, 2007 at 2:25 pm rating: 0
#63 lauralaiwc
ah, i didnt see the blurry killing thing earlier and assumed all comments about such were about a previous post…
yeah, not a stable person.
Sep 13, 2007 at 2:32 pm rating: 0
#64 GhostWriter
Upon further C.S.I. analysis…
I just figured it out- the note-poster is Crandal (twin brother and arch-rival of Vandal).
…but I think we’re gonna have to go ahead and round up the Brits for questioning, just to be sure, ‘nnn-kay?
Sep 13, 2007 at 3:23 pm rating: 0
#65 grade grubber
the bus drivers are the ones stealing the schedules. i don’t blame them. i wouldn’t want my job performance to be timed down to the minute. 3:24? let’s all relax a little and round it up to 3:30.
Sep 13, 2007 at 3:58 pm rating: 0
#66 lauralaiwc
theres always things that are beyond their control, like, oh, shitty traffic because of all the other people who DONT take the bus and cant drive :-p
sorry, my city has some of the most moronic drivers ive personally ever seen.
Sep 13, 2007 at 4:29 pm rating: 0
#67 robins
and claw71 takes it with 10 comments!
Sep 13, 2007 at 4:34 pm rating: 0
#68 Mr DeBakey
An excellent note
It, of course, assumes that the vandalizer can read.
I wonder how many schedules bit the dust before this laminated beauty was put together.
Sep 13, 2007 at 4:41 pm rating: 0
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