attention: corporate emergency in the chicagoland area!
meanwhile, in seattle…
adds our anonymous submitter, “all the glassware for all departments is washed by the poor lab slaves at least twice a day, and then promptly returned to the shelves. how much glassware are they using that they notice if a beaker or two went missing?”
reddit!
stumble it!
266 responses so far ↓
#1 DonkeyCock
Period.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:01 pm rating: 0
#2 GVI
Note #1. I love the fact that this note came with its very own backstorys and I have to find some way of using the term “uniformly present”.
Note #2. What’s up with leaving residual chemicals in your glassware and then crying when someone takes (steals) it, maybe they just took them to wash them out.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:17 pm rating: 0
#3 Minox
The white enamel in-out boxes were fucking delicious… but I’m not eating contaminated glassware.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:23 pm rating: 0
#4 Canthz_B
Note one: How long until we all need to have his/her family pictures on our desks as well?…Uniformity people, please bend to my superior aesthetic eye.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:26 pm rating: 0
#5 Canthz_B
Note two: Those residual chems are delicious, please don’t lock our get high cabinet!
We did leave Dixie cups as replacements you know.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:29 pm rating: 0
#6 magpie
ugh the chemist’s bad writing makes me gag
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:31 pm rating: 0
#7 Ex-chemistry student
@GVI — No. You don’t take others’ glassware in a lab. (”Period.”) It might be part of someone’s experiment.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:33 pm rating: 0
#8 Canthz_B
Note one:
Unemployment examiner: So Mr. Smith, why were you fired?
Mr. Smith: My in-box was the wrong color.
Executive VP Monk: How can anyone concentrate when in-boxes are miss-matched?
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:34 pm rating: 0
#9 Ivy
Note #1 in reference to Note #2. Well, they’re leaving residual chemicals in the glassware because it’s a science lab. That’s what they use their glassware for. For chemicals and stuff.
Note #2. Have been “taken?”. Also “We will have to take some actions” cracks me up.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 0
#10 Canthz_B
#7…And if you use said glassware it could, probably would screw up your experiment.
One would think that everyone that the email was sent to knows better. Look to the cleaning staff…or someone with cheese crumbles in their desk!
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 0
#11 Wade
“have been taken our glassware”?!?
This from a chemist at a pharmaceutical company.
Hmmm…
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 0
#12 Leshka
The principal at my brother’s school (years ago) wanted to make sure all the shades in a room were at the same length. Any teacher pulling a shade lower than the others was reprimanded.
Sounds like he changed jobs.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:42 pm rating: 0
#13 Canthz_B
Note two…”collaboration” vs “cooperation” tickles the F outta me.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:42 pm rating: 0
#14 GVI
All I want to know is who leaves residual chemicals in glass ware?? They should know better.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:43 pm rating: 0
#15 Wade
That first note sounds more A-R than P-A. Period.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:43 pm rating: 0
#16 marla
did you post the second one to show how trivial the first one was?
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:45 pm rating: 0
#17 Wade
Me too, Canthz.
Collaboration, lol.
Ve have vays of making you talk.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:46 pm rating: 0
#18 Canthz_B
Here, here Wade…what a maroon!
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:47 pm rating: 0
#19 Sharona
I like the “it has occurred to us” in #2. That makes it sound like they had been wrestling with the disappearing-glassware problem for a while before someone proposed the “pharmaceutics is totally stealing our stuff” hypothesis.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:47 pm rating: 0
#20 Canthz_B
“This is not optional”? Can you say “My way or the highway”?
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:48 pm rating: 0
#21 Canthz_B
#17 Wade, You do a great SS man!! LOL
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:52 pm rating: 0
#22 Wade
Aahh, yeah. You’re going to need to use the white enamel in-out box to match the new covers of the TPS reports. Didn’t you get my email about that.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:53 pm rating: 0
#23 Canthz_B
“Collaboration”…is he looking for an informant from the thieving corporate division?
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:53 pm rating: 0
#24 Gadget
Note 1: I really wondered, is this serious? Too out there to be real, right? If it is real, I wonder how many times the VP rechecks to see if he locked his front door, car door, etc (a tad OCD).
Note 2: First off, I like the word “residual.” Now, “have been taken our glassware”……..I don’t know where to begin on that.
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:54 pm rating: 0
#25 Canthz_B
???Wade…I have seen “TPS” twice today. Both get me close to toilets…wha does that stand for if I may ask?
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:55 pm rating: 0
#26 Canthz_B
You can lose your drivers’ license because of residual chemicals!
Sep 19, 2007 at 10:58 pm rating: 0
#27 shirky
tps reports doesn’t stand for anything, it’s a symbol of meaninglessness, it’s from office space.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:02 pm rating: 0
#28 Wade
Canthz
Running gag from the movie “Office Space”, directed by Mike Judge (Beavis and Butthead).
TPS report was a piece of mindless paperwork that the main character forgot to send with the new cover sheet (per memo)…and is reminded of relentlessly (didn’t you get my email) in the opening scene in the movie.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:04 pm rating: 0
#29 lola
CanthzB - you can also lose custody of your children (*cough*Britney*)
I love Sharona’s hypothesis, BTW, except I’m imagining them with head scarves and joints, sitting on the floor of their lab going:
“Hey maaaan… they’re TOTALLY stealin’ our stuff, maaan. Buzz kill. They took all our residual chemicals.”
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:04 pm rating: 0
#30 anna-banana
I think Phil must’ve swiped the in-out boxes. He was asked to put them on everyone’s desk. But DID he….?
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:04 pm rating: 0
#31 lola
My friend in high school had sex with Ron Livingston’s sister at a golf course. FWIW.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:05 pm rating: 0
#32 Canthz_B
Oh, thanks guys (and dolls?) movies are my achilles heel.
Anna…your post made me hear Twilight Zone music! But did he?………………..
Neener-neener, Neener-neener! LOL
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:09 pm rating: 0
#33 anna-banana
The SC in note #2 clearly stands for Synthetic Clodhoppers.
And the AS= Asinine Suckers.
How DARE they swipe glassware from these fine fellows
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:09 pm rating: 0
#34 Canthz_B
#31 Lola, I fucked a sheep in Ron Livingston’s golf cart…so?
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:11 pm rating: 0
#35 Wade
Maybe Phil swapped them for some glassware with residual chemicals.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:12 pm rating: 0
#36 anna-banana
Cool, Canthz! I can see Rod Serling already….with cigarette in hand….narrating: “Here we have Phil. And Phil’s boxes. But DID he place them on everyone’s desk? The operative word of the day….uniformity. Or is this another day in the enigma we call…The Twilight Zone.” Hee hee
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:13 pm rating: 0
#37 Tim
@GVI: Glass isn’t completely impermeable, nor can it always be cleaned to be absolutely chemical-free. Even a soak in aqua regia or weeks in a base bath might result in shiny, spotless glassware, it may/will still be contaminated at a molecular level. It’s pretty well-known in the industry that you don’t use someone else’s glassware, for precisely this reason.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:14 pm rating: 0
#38 Wade
Team aqua regia!
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:15 pm rating: 0
#39 Canthz_B
NOT FAIR ANNA…you made me leak pee!!!!
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:15 pm rating: 0
#40 anna-banana
Tim you are a regular chemistry nerd, huh? Thanks for my lesson, dude.
Team TMI!!! Or rather TPS!
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:16 pm rating: 0
#41 Canthz_B
Thanks Tim…I was going to take a sleeping pill but now…..
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:17 pm rating: 0
#42 Canthz_B
Be gentle when you arrive claw.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:18 pm rating: 0
#43 Canthz_B
What does one do if one’s white enamel in box clashes with one’s pensil box or other desktop items? Should corporate not spring for an entire new desktop accessory kit?
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:22 pm rating: 0
#44 Canthz_B
pencil…I used to know this stuff!
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:23 pm rating: 0
#45 Wade
Send in a requisition to the Executive Vice President via Phil. Period.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
#46 Andy
OK, the first one. That is why this person is a VP. You know, all of our problems would be solved if you use the white enamel in-boxes, dangit! People who tell me what in-box to use can shampoo my crotch.
As for the second note, I have to side with the note-writer, especially if people are taking the best stuff (which happens to our group all of the time). The worst thing is that we don’t have glassware-washing slaves; we do our own washing up. So, here, they have the balls to swipe our stuff, THEN douchelly sneak it back for us to have to wash it later on.
Or, the note-writer is an anal-retentitive control freak, and can’t share with others. Any way you slice it, you come up with douchebag, though. Yay!
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:28 pm rating: 0
#47 Andy
And actually, I think the main issue with the second note is that they have to keep ordering glassware, as if no one else knows how to look something up in the Fisher catalog. Probably PhDs.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:31 pm rating: 0
#48 Canthz_B
“Douchelly”….That has got to be a first Andy!! LMAO
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:36 pm rating: 0
#49 lola
Whoa! you guys all disappeared and then BAM! back again. holy hell. remember back in the day when a really good PAN would get only 8 or 9 comments?
golf course fucking should be a sport. bonus points if it’s with a farm animal or a famous person’s close relative.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:42 pm rating: 0
#50 Tim
@ anna-banana: Total chemistry nerd. It’s a living.
@ Canthz_B: Believe me, I know.
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:48 pm rating: 0
#51 Canthz_B
You’re “Khemistry Kool” Tim!
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:52 pm rating: 0
#52 anna-banana
Glad you took my ribbing good-naturedly, Tim. (I’m secretly a wanna-be chemistry nerd, ergo I’m jealous of you!)
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:54 pm rating: 0
#53 Canthz_B
#49 Lola—The Aristocrats!!!
Sep 19, 2007 at 11:54 pm rating: 0
#54 Canthz_B
OK Tim, Anna and I have made nice nice, now where is your meth lab located….where can we get free samples?
LOL
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:00 am rating: 0
#55 anna-banana
Uh….would one of youse please edjumacate me? What’s golf course f***ing? Just fing ON a golf course? Or something more kinky that I’m missing??? Do tell, please…..
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:01 am rating: 0
#56 Canthz_B
I know it has something to do with a hole in one!
Also “Sticking a birdie”!
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:04 am rating: 0
#57 Canthz_B
I’m not doing the Bogey thing.
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:05 am rating: 0
#58 anna-banana
So it IS just plain old f-ing? But, on a golf course?
Okay. Got it. Gracias
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:10 am rating: 0
#59 Canthz_B
Oooo. what lurks in the deviant recesses of A-B’s mind….inquiring minds want to know!
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:13 am rating: 0
#60 Canthz_B
My white enamel in-box awaits.
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:14 am rating: 0
#61 anna-banana
What about the out-box? It’s jealous, Canthz. It IS an in-out box, you know. Please don’t discriminate, ya hear?
And as for my inner recesses….please stay tuned to this channel. Or the next episode of….The A-B No-Doze Zone!!!!! On the other hand….I’m fading…off to sleepy town for moi. Night ya’ll!
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:16 am rating: 0
#62 Canthz_B
Ur wish is my command A-B!
See ya on the flip-side…pun intended! LOL
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:20 am rating: 0
#63 WanderingPenguin
Actually, the second note says, “Thank you for your collaborationS” - plural. This is much more sweeping than just their co-operation in helping to solve this particular problem. Now they are being thanked for absolutely everything they do in groups of any 2 people or more.
What a jolly place!
And how come I am still waiting for my damn password?
Wait - haven’t tried praying. “Appease me oh PAN gods so that I may….”
Nah. I just can’t do it.
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:26 am rating: 0
#64 morpho aurora
it has occurred to me that phil got tired of playing with the in boxes and have been taken the contaminated glassware. he’s hidden all of it, just to drive the AR VP nuts. the glassware is being used to store the socks and silver ended spoon.
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:27 am rating: 0
#65 morpho aurora
or maybe that $19 cat food
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:28 am rating: 0
#66 kelly
what EVP uses AOL? seriously now. this company clearly has bigger problems.
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:28 am rating: 0
#67 morpho aurora
any company that has a VP worrying about the color of in boxes has serious problems. then again, most VPs are bubbleheaded idiots anyway. color coding the desk sets may be all they trust him with
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:32 am rating: 0
#68 Canthz_B
“Collaborations” makes sense. Scientists don’t publish until an experiment has be duplicated and verified. There MUST be multiple informants.
Sep 20, 2007 at 12:35 am rating: 0