No, that’s not the British spelling

September 24th, 2007 · 128 comments

“You know when you drink so much that you can’t remember what you did the night before?” asks our anonymous Scottish pizza bandit. “Sometimes we’re lucky enough to encounter certain things which trigger memories of our alcohol-fueled rampage. I was lucky enough to come across this the next day.”

Dear pizza theif [sic], I hope you enjoyed those two slices of Dominoes pizza. I did. It was so nice in fact I kept it in the fridge to enjoy. So it was to my surprise to find those slices missing the next day. My mum bought me that pizza — but I guess you must have been in dire hunger to eat my food. In that case, that's alright. At least you cleaned the side plate afterwards. But I will still kill you. Craig.

FILED UNDER: fridge · guilt trip · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · roommates · sarcasm · Scotland · spelling and grammar police · stealing


128 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Dave Ward

    That pizza your mum bought you was fucking delicious.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 2:34 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   tellos

    domino’s… delicious???

    Sep 24, 2007 at 3:11 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   ahmeen bang

    “but I will still kill you”
    That is priceless!
    Yet, I agree with tellos (#2) …domino’s???

    Sep 24, 2007 at 3:40 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   ian

    soooo p-a. String him along with a little story and then WHAM – I will still kill you.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 4:11 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   marla

    He must have been really drunk to want to eat two slices of pizza that his roommate had already eaten, regurgitated, and put back in the fridge.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 4:50 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Alison

    I’d have thanked him/her for eating that nasty Domino’s pizza. That crap tastes like cardboard.

    And what is she bitching for? Mommy paid for it anyway…not like she lost any money.

    Team Drunken Pizza Snatcher

    Sep 24, 2007 at 7:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Sarah

      Domino’s pizza is a lot nicer here than it is in the US (from what I’ve heard from my American friends who have visited this country.)

      Mar 2, 2008 at 8:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Andy bang

    *peers at Dave* You know, I’d think that you had stated that the ‘fucking delicious’ phrase was being overused, so you could just break it out first. :)

    That’s an awesome note. The only thing that is a bit confusing is the first paragraph. Did he imply that the two alleged stolen pieces he had enjoyed already, and was looking forward to enjoying again?

    Gross.

    I’ll also third Tellos — Dominos = delicious? Not so much. You need some better pizza places in Scotland, then. ;)

    The “I’ll kill you” is the nice icing to the cake, though. Yay!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 7:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Andy bang

    Whoops. Sorry Marla, I see I stole your bit about the enjoying slices twice. Where’s my coffee? :)

    Sep 24, 2007 at 7:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   lola bang

    the note SHOULD have read:

    “Thank you, pizza thief, for saving me from eating reheated pizza-flavored cardboard.”

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   nate

    Awww, his mom bought him that pizza.

    Go whine to your mom, momma’s boy.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   lola bang

    and I also wonder if this guy is Catholic. he seems to be heaping the guilt on awefully thick for a couple slices of pizza

    guilt is something Catholics live for!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:14 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Izzy

    He should have got the pizza from Pizza Hut. Much nicer! But his mum did buy it for him, so maybe that’s why Dominoes. I hope I don’t know this guy!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Team Cassandra bang

    Its not British spelling but dintcha know that Scots can spell things any damn way they choose?

    And this story is such a nice way to start the day when your hungover so much better than one of my past roommates who stomped around the house yelling: “ARRRGHH! MY PIZZA! WHO ATE MY FUCKING PIZZA! WHEN I FIND OUT WHO ATE THAT PIZZA…”

    I didn’t eat it but I did get drunk with the roomie who did (and I TOLD him not to but he thought I was funny) and would have much preferred a quiet, threatening note to the rude awakening I got that day.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   lola bang

    Even Jesus might’ve eaten the pizza if he got drunk enough. But I bet he would have turned it into something edible first.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:33 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   the comment police

    This is good. Now can all the dullards who have ruined every thread for the last month with their inane drivel just fuck off please?

    Thanks, Terry
    BWAAAHAAHAAAHAHHAAHA ROTFLMAO!!!!!!11111111!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   bethany

    that last line really makes this one a classic. I hope I never die because of mediocre takeout pizza.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Goldie

    So the Scottish for “munchies” is “dire hunger”?

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   BoggyWoggy

    RED RUM…
    RED RUM…
    RED RUM…
    I can just see this person walking through the house, smelling everyone’s breath…chanting and panting…

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Wade bang

    BW

    or

    O NI MOD…
    O NI MOD…
    O NI MOD…

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   robins

    DEAR “THEIF”, you handwriting looks that of a girl’s. SUCK IT WRITERS

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Marissa

    Craig has a lot to learn. Just casually inquire as to who ate it, appear to think that it’s all a joke and no big deal, and then quietly murder them in their sleep once you find out.

    Nobody appreciates subtlety anymore.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:31 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   GhostWriter

    Think how much better the note will seem, when we hear that Craig actually does kill the Pizza Theif.

    “Pizza Theif” – that’s not a bad name for a restaurant.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   GhostWriter

    …and Kudos to the PAN God, for removing the top-5 comment tracker (stirring up trouble)!

    Me hopes this might lessen the posting-for-posting’s-sake competitions.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   ShagNBag

    #14 – Jesus ate my pizza!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   T-Bone

    GW– it sure seems to be working so far, doesn’t it? What a relief.

    Today’s note– truly P.A. Hooray!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   anna-banana bang

    GW…if said ‘Theif’ is found to be murdered….at least he’d been warned beforehand! Maybe had enough time to get his affairs in order.

    Reminds me of the kitty giblets can thief & the wish for kitty to choke on it….same vein, ya know?

    Hmmmm….maybe the kitty-food UPS orderer has a mom in Scotland & he went there on a visit…and she bought him Dominoes’…and someone snatched THAT, too!?!

    Boy, I’m with Wade…need some coffee!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Talea

    Passive, passive, passive……DEATH THREAT! I love it!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   lauralaiwc bang

    craigs handwriting is fucking gourmet.

    i bet this is the same guy whos mommy wrote from iowa. mommas boy. and then he ran away to scottland.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Wade bang

    the pizza bandit never actually says said slices was eaten…

    Maybe Craig should check the compost pile.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Wade bang

    were eaten…more coffee!!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   lauralaiwc bang

    ugh…i need coffee.

    and some medicine. someone make my nose stop running.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 10:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Sharona bang

    “Dear Craig,

    It’s OK, your mum said I could have the pizza. I truly was in dire hunger after the workout she gave me. But suffice it to say, a Domino’s pizza has never been enjoyed so much, by so many people, in so many ways.

    you and what army,

    Not a Theif”

    Sep 24, 2007 at 10:20 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   lauralaiwc bang

    lmao! sharona, that rocks. i applaud you.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 10:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   William

    I have eaten
    the pizza
    that was in
    the icebox

    and which
    you were probably
    saving
    for breakfast

    Forgive me
    it was delicious
    so cheesy
    and so cold

    Sep 24, 2007 at 10:34 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Melissa

    But he cleaned the plate! So, he’s not a totally horrible person!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 10:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Andy

    Beautiful, William! A Billy Collins reference woven into a Scottish Domino’s Pizza theft, that’s a great skill.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   claw71

    Seriously, I do appreciate the fact that you cleaned the plate and I’m not unsympathetic to your dire hunger, but you did eat my pizza and since it was purchased by my mother I have no choice but to kill you. That’s the way it’s got to be.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   morpho aurora

    a hangover on top of greasy, already-been-enjoyed-once, Domino’s pizza?
    death would have been welcomed with open arms. sounds like the pregnant lady whose food disappeared from the office had relatives in scotland.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Phil

    You have no idea how much we have to pay for Domino’s in Britain… it’s the equivalent of $25-30 a pizza, I’d be pissed off aswell!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   WanderingPenguin bang

    I was all set to write, “Dear Craig: The pizza wasn’t actually all that delicious, but at least it tasted better than YOUR MOM.”

    But then I saw Sharona’s note.

    Damn. I need to check this site earlier in the day. :(

    BTW, I wonder what was on the “side plate”? I sure hope it was some of that Outback bread!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   lola bang

    Phil – I hope it tastes better there for that price!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   bethany

    Andy: I believe it is a William Carlos Williams reference. Equally elegant regardless of source.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   tweedle

    Forgive me, Andy (#36, unpunctuated) Isn’t that a William Carlos Williams borrowing? The cold plums one?

    I think Craig was being sarcastic about the ‘cleaned’ side plate, by the way. Is that some Scot-ism for drainboard? Covered in crumbs?

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   zsa

    Elementary, My dear Craig~
    Jesus made the wine that got me drunk and gave me the munchies. Therefore- Jesus WANTED me to eat your pizza. But he did cry a little when I was nice enough to wash the plate.

    Next time, better protect it with the blood of prior pizza theifs (or a note from Momma)

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   zsa

    I can just see the next note in this series-
    “My Momma bought this pizza and she will KILL you if you eat it before her Darling Baby Boy does”

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Andy

    Yep, tweedle, you’re right. I guess that’s what happens when I get all my poetry from NPR.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   anna-banana bang

    Good one, Zsa.

    Hugs for Jesus.

    I think it was Claw…or his zombie-clone (or groupie?) who followed the 45 min rule & stole it.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Fraulein N

    Maybe Domino’s pizza tastes better once it’s already been enjoyed.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   claw71

    I can just see the doorway of the kitchen lined with the severed heads of thos who previously purloined pizza from Craig.

    And while I do have the 45 minute rule I would never apply it to something with sentimental value. This pizza was purchased by Craig’s mother. It came from the heart.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Gadget

    Pizza leading to homicide? Clearly pizza needs to be banned. If this was over a bowl of plain rice we would never have seen this note…..

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   claw71

    What Craig doesn’t know is that the thief ate that pizza while Craig’s mom was giving him a reverse cowgirl.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   anna-banana bang

    Gadget…I think that you have forgotten about all of those starving kids in China?

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   claw71

    It is Scotland, Gadget, they kill over soccer in that damned country. Soccer! And they eat haggis. I bet this pizza was topped with haggis and pickled beef tongue thus aggravating the criminal act. Sure, if it had been a sausage and mushroom pie the death sentence might be a bit severe but you top that pizza with haggis, tongue and a bit of worm cheese and that’s a hanging offense.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   turrboenvy

    I’m sorry your momma never bought you pizza as a kid! Steal hot pockets — It’s cooler.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   lauralaiwc bang

    claw, its futbol. get it right ;)

    if Pizza Thief stole the coffee mints, too, he won’t have to worry about the way anything that he ate off that plate tastes.

    even craigs mom.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Sea

    But eat them with the silver handled spoon, the chemical coated glassware, and only the white enamel in/out boxes. period.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   anna-banana bang

    http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/14187801/detail.html

    The ‘dire hunger pizza theif’….this guy in Denver must be the Yank equilavent…only grosser. Bites off ducks’ heads out of dire hunger.

    I’d take the Dominoes’ Pizza mom stealer any day of this kook….

    -shudders-

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   anna-banana bang

    I meant OVER this kook…damn, still haven’t gotten any coffee and it’s 9.10AM!!!!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   lauralaiwc bang

    i dunno, maybe if he scooped it (you decide what i mean by “it”) with said spoon into beaker, thn serve it on the inbox like a tray.

    but you have to put the gold coffee lids on the beakers.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   Jesus Christ

    Drink, good servants of the Lord, but do not take unto yourself the pizza from Dominoes.

    Go forth and steal hotpockets instead…

    My will be done

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Inner Space

    I don’t know why, but there’s something extra pathetic about the ‘my mom bought me that pizza’ line. Can’t you order your own damn pizza?!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Wade bang

     
  • #63   Mishee bang

    Melamine? That doesn’t sound very safe… I don’t know, it brings to mind “Lead Paint” for some reason…

    Sep 24, 2007 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   zsa

    naw, Mishee~ melamine is the unbreakable stuff. Unlike glass beakers, it doesnt retain chemical residue

    Sep 24, 2007 at 1:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   Wade bang

    Here’s what I found on a Scottish Domino’s menu:

    “We’re currently offering the Domino’s Scrummy as our Guest Pizza. This is a great pizza comprising Pepperoni, Ham, Chorizo, Tandoori Chicken, Meatballs and Smoky Bacon, together with our Tomato Sauce and Mozzarella Cheese, all on our classic fresh-dough base.”

    maybe mum was trying to kill craig, lol

    Sep 24, 2007 at 1:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   anna-banana bang

    heartburn city

    Sep 24, 2007 at 1:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   Kristina

    I think that needs a “less passive, more aggressive” tag on it.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 1:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   Katzndogz bang

    If it had been a Domino’s crunchy thin crust pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, I would have snatched it right out of mum’s hands and done it stone cold sober.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 1:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   Mishee bang

    Zsa – Maybe it sounded ominous since it sounds like “Melanoma” – I don’t know why, but it gave me goosebumps!!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 1:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   Arianna

    Wade, I might be a vegetarian, but that list of grease topped with grease made me homesick for Glasgow.

    I still don’t see why they were getting pizza from Domino’s, though. Deep fried deep-dish cheese and mushroom pizza is clearly where its at when you’re in Scotland.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 2:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #71   Team Cassandra bang

    Since there are SO many posts per thread now (and also as my ability to procrastinate in doing my real job reaches a new all-time high) , I’ve decided to perform a most awesome public service:

    These are my favourite posts (I always look back at my faves when there’s no new note) and please note that I do like almost all of the posts – these are just the ones that stick to me – you will notice I did not include my own post; in fact, it was a little dry today:

    #10, #17,
    #18/#19 go together,
    #27, #32, #34 and especially because William wrote it:)
    #40, #44/#47 go together but only parts of them…and #65 has the best information, as far as I can tell about the subject at hand.

    Peace out:)

    Sep 24, 2007 at 2:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #72   Team Cassandra bang

    You like the way I managed to say note and post as many times as possible in that paragraph, don’t you?

    I knew you did:)

    Sep 24, 2007 at 2:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #73   Fraulein N

    Mmm, scrummy.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 2:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #74   GhostWriter

    Damn- didn’t make Cassandra’s cut… no matter; it is more important to provide the following public service message:

    This note was written by Tyler “Craig” Durden.

    The fact is, he ate the whole pizza himself- he just thinks he saved two pieces. When he asks himself if he enjoyed it, he responds, “I know I did.” No evidence of pizza-eating? No problem- the theif simply washed and stacked the dish (which Tyler already knew). Oh- Tyler’s mom died last year; she’s still up in her room if you wanna check it out.

    Luckily, things look like they will be resolved similarly to the movie, Fight Club.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 3:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #75   lola

    and project pizza mayhem ensues

    Sep 24, 2007 at 3:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #76   dman

    dominos pizza, is the fool still alive! that is the worst fucking pizza on earth his ass hole must be leeking.,.,.,.,.,.,

    Sep 24, 2007 at 3:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #77   Wade bang

    #70 Arianna

    Proof again of Charlie Mackenzie’s observation in So I Married an Axe Murderer: “I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.”

    :D

    Sep 24, 2007 at 4:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #78   WanderingPenguin bang

    I wonder: was “leeking” just some really bad spelling or was that some kind of pun on this being a note from Scotland?

    Either way, that note really made no sense at all, but it did kind of give me the creeps….

    Sep 24, 2007 at 4:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #79   WanderingPenguin bang

    And by “that note” I, of course, mean post #76. Sorry I wasn’t clear. :P

    Sep 24, 2007 at 4:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #80   mere bang

    wow, to still want to kill after someone eats your domino’s pizza?
    i mean, sure, if he had eaten your.. i dunno.. GOOD pizza from some mom-n-pop eatery, but DOMINO’S?!!!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 4:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #81   Team Cassandra bang

    Which reminds me… I forgot #9…

    and sorry GhostWriter, you didn’t make the cut today but you usually do…I tried… you’re very macabre today(?) and I’m feeling kinda Mary Sunshine so maybe that’s why. You’re pretty funny, though:)

    I really like this quote from Wade too:
    So I Married an Axe Murderer: “I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.”

    Sep 24, 2007 at 5:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #82   GVI bang

    A deep dish, deep fried pizza does sound kind of fucking gourmet though.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 5:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #83   Joe

    If I hadn’t already ate a bunch of Totino’s Pizza Rolls (pepperoni), I’d order me a Hungry Howies pizza. Pepperoni and Jalapenos, with Cajun crust…. extra cajun.

    Team Pizza FTW!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 7:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #84   Trickster bang

    This truly makes me thankful that we do not have this particular pizza chain where I currently reside.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 7:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #85   Canthz_B bang

    Brian and Vicky shared the pizza in Illumination’s shower.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #86   Wade bang

    PAN pizza is a dish best served cold.

    :p

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #87   Canthz_B bang

    Awww Wade :-(
    No, that was kool!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #88   GVI bang

    #86. Just like outback bread.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #89   Canthz_B bang

    I suppose if haggis is the National meal, Dominoes must qualify as fucking gourmet and the death penalty ought to apply to those who would abscond with the slices of another.
    Especially a Mother-Bought Pizza Pie.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #90   julie

    really, most of what I remember about my trip to scotland was how frickin’ fancy the pizza huts were there.

    didn’t try the domino’s

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #91   Wade bang

    i noes…sorry. :(

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #92   Wade bang

    So, did dear old mum call Domino’s to have it delivered to Craig?

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #93   GVI bang

    Are we still on topic because we are talking about the post, even though we aren’t really talking about the post??

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #94   GVI bang

    ps. Pizza, pizza, pizza.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #95   Lara

    #85, you nearly made me choke!

    I can just see this guy, all starved, drooling, scribbling the note out at the kitchen table. Good stuff! The whiny mom bit kicks me off his side. Why didn’t he put a p-a note on the pizza when he put it in the fridge, saving himself the hunger the next morning. Something like:

    My mom bought this pizza for me
    it’s the only love she’s ever given me
    eat it and die!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #96   Wade bang

    I realize this is in Scotland, but when I read the note I hear the voice of Mr. Rogers (or Norman Bates).

    “I hope you enjoyed those two slices of Dominoes pizza. I did. It was nice.”

    “In that case, that’s alright. At least you cleaned the side plate afterwards.”

    “But I will still kill you.”

    creepy.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #97   morpho aurora bang

    i just read phil’s comment (#39) $25 – 30 for domino’s? man, you got ass raped! yeah i’ve eaten cold pizza the next morning, but
    a) it was mine, not something my room mates (or his mother’s) hands had been all over. who knows where those hands have been
    and
    b)it wasn’t domino’s.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #98   Canthz_B bang

    “Sorry we did not have much to give you my son, please accept this steaming pile of crap from Dominoes as recompense for our past failures.”

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #99   Canthz_B bang

    It’s a beautiful day to kill over pizza in the neighborhood!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #100   Canthz_B bang

    For real! “Attack of the Doggie Bag Snatchers”!
    Ahhchooo!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #101   Wade bang

    Maybe Craig suffers from a Scottish variant of the Oedipus Complex: the desire to kill his roommate because he kept Craig from eating the pizza of his mother.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #102   Canthz_B bang

    Shocked that there have been no Macbeth references.
    Like the roommate has a pizza grease stain on his shirt and as he washes it cries “Out damned spot!”

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #103   GVI bang

    Why didn’t he just tell mommy to buy him a new pizza instead of commiting murder.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 8:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #104   Canthz_B bang

    “Sliced over a slice, film at eleven”

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #105   Canthz_B bang

    #15, Address the post…then bite a fart.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #106   GVI bang

    #102. How about some Edgar Allen Poe, The Telltale Stain.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #107   dawn bang

    Hmm, another tough call. Ordinarily, I’m all Team Free Food, but in this case, all I can add is that anyone who would voluntarily consume Domino’s pizza probably deserves to be put out of his or her misery. Hence,

    Team Murder-Suicide!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #108   Wade bang

    Double, double toil and trouble,
    Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
    Fillet of a finny snake,
    in the cauldron boil and bake;
    Eye of newt and toe of frog,
    Wool of bat and tongue of dog
    (the one what barks to Iowa)
    Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting
    Lizard’s leg and howlet’s wing
    For a charm of powerful trouble
    Like a hell broth boil and bubble.

    Order up!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #109   GVI bang

    I would kill myself before i eat Dominoes, it’s way cooler.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #110   Canthz_B bang

    #108, now that’s a pie with everything! Sans anchovies.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #111   Team Cassandra bang

    GVI: That suicide was fucking delicious!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #112   GVI bang

    Well actually now that I think about it, eating Dominoes is like suicide.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #113   anna-banana bang

    In touch with your inner poet, wade…good job!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #114   Wade bang

    Oh PAN Goddess, I cry out on behalf of those among your servants who have neither the time or patience to read more than 100 comments.

    Lest they begin whining (again), please bestow upon us a new note, that we might continue to make merry (but not too much merry, ere we be banished to TMHQ).

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #115   Canthz_B

    Snap out of it Wade, you have the diploma!!

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #116   Wade bang

    You’re right, Canthz. What was I thinking.

    In college, ten of us lived in a house (passive-aggressive central). Two of the guys worked EMS, so they would have Domino’s delivered at 11:00pm, eat half of it, leave the other half on the counter and eat it for breakfast when they came in at 8:00am. Believe me, it was no temptation to the rest of us.

    And neither of their mothers were involved in buying it.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 9:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #117   janey bang

    Domino’s is definitely disgusting…but eating it after it was left out all night…gross.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 10:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #118   Canthz_B bang

    116 wade–Ewwww! Beyond that I’m speechless.

    Sep 24, 2007 at 11:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #119   Dave Ward

    I just hope the side plate doesn’t have a picture of three fat chefs on it.

    Sep 25, 2007 at 3:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #120   spffy

    you people are crazy. dominoes is the best pizza EVER.

    Sep 25, 2007 at 5:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #121   ginger

    i don’t know why they where getting pizaa from domino’s. any self respecting scot knows the way to eat pizaa is deep fried with chips. yum yum

    Sep 25, 2007 at 8:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #122   Sazbot

    “Blahblahblah…I will kill you”

    Priceless

    Sep 25, 2007 at 10:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #123   Sundaeg1rl

    Oh boo hoo, my mummy bought me that!!! *stamps foot*

    Dec 4, 2007 at 8:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #124   Sara

    Um. Any pizza is fucking delicious.

    Team Mama’s Boy

    Mar 20, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #125   deviled egg, anyone?

    [...] unrelated roommates can get tricky — even in the rare event that everyone manages to keep their paws to themselves. the upside? “while there’s no space in the fridge for food, i’ll never have to [...]

    Jan 26, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #126   Scott

    This makes me wish I had taken a picture of the note my sister wrote to me after I ate the leftover chinese she wanted.

    “One fish, two fish.
    You ate my food and I’ll KILL you
    … fish.”

    Feb 1, 2009 at 2:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #127   Bros slicing bros: hate-eating Domino's pizza

    [...] My mum bought me that pizza! [...]

    Jul 11, 2010 at 9:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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