Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

September 26th, 2007 · 94 comments

Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.

If you are going to drink my muscle milk, why dont you go ahead and drink all, there is no point to drink part of it and leave behind about 1/3 of the bottle...  IN OTHER WORDS...DON'T DRINK IT!, BUT I WILL FIND OUT WHO DRINK IT WHEN I SEE YOU ACTING STRANGE...read the content before u become steril.....thanks.

What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

related: Try a bite

FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing


94 responses so far ↓

  • #1   heisa

    that muscle milk was fucking delicious.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:37 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Katzndogz bang

    Holy Crap! I think the writer of that e-mail must be Jekyll and Hyde and he transformed halfway through writing it.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   the sos

    i think someone’s doing him a favor by slowing weaning him off the muscle milk.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:51 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   e

    ‘roid rage at it’s finest.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:55 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   BoggyWoggy

    Muscle Milk.
    Sounds like something you’d get if you squeeze a bodybuilder’s arm really hard.
    What a dumb e-mail.
    Since it was sent to an entire “staff,” I’m assuming this isn’t at a university mathematics and science college.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Melissa

    GAG! That stuff is gross, whoever drank it is probably regretting it already and doesn’t need the snotty email.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Fraulein N bang

    Sterile? What the hell is IN this shit, besides protein and a healthy dose of crazy?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:06 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Goldie

    Heh heh heh… he said “muscle milk”… heh heh… who would want to drink that stuff, anyway? I can never bring myself to swallow it, y’know?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:08 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Morii

      oooh, you’re not a nice person, then, are ya?XD

      Nov 4, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Sharona bang

    CAPSLOCK plus habitual shift equals one adorable lowercase “i”. In fact, the comic sans makes this one of the most whimsical-appearing email rants I’ve ever seen.

    Still, the writer makes a canny point:

    “i WILL FIND OUT WHO DRINK IT WHEN I SEE YOU ACTING STRANGE”

    Because muscle milk make u crazy!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:09 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Goldie

    Oh, what I wouldn’t do for eggnog-flavored chicken!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   WanderingPenguin bang

    So, I’m confused… does he want you to drink ALL his muscle milk? You know, I think I SAW this movie… at a stag I attended last week.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Katzndogz bang

    ” Designed after human mother’s milk, Muscle Milk is the perfect and complete protein supplement for your nutritional needs.”

    HAHAHAHAHA

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   lola bang

    His first personality is much more friendly than the second.

    By “acting strange” he means gaining a second personality who talks in caps lock. Thank Terry that this guy can no longer reproduce!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Mishee bang

    Goldie, #7 made me LOL. I just can’t believe he sent the email. If he was gonna find out by strange actions, why not bide his time and watch? Now everyone in the office is under scrutiny and the culprit will know that he is being stalked. It’s better when prey don’t know you are after them!! :)

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   nerd

    Apparently muscle milk does not, however, make you a good speller.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Kristi

    muscle milk make Hulk no speak good! No like bad person who take milk! HULK SMASH!!!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:49 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   turrboenvy

    Oral steroids what?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   morpho aurora

    why does he say thanks at the end? grateful to be saved from sterility, and advancing strangeness, maybe?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Wade bang

    Threats written in Comic Sans come across as…steril.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   SaraKa

    hey, is it only me of trueofficeconfessions and co is down today….?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Juliet

    Sure the guy is a moron, I,m not disputing that, and he handled the situation in a very P-A way for someone that is a bodybuilder wanna-be.

    Having said that, it is really irritating to have co-workers treat the staffroom fridge as a free-for-all. Having had my food eaten on numerous occasions I wonder why the hell anyone thinks they have the right to eat something that they themselves didn’t bring. What the fuck? Why is this acceptable behaviour? I haven’t decided if I should eat someone else’s if mine is gone… do I join in or try and stop it somehow?
    But as long as it continues, we’ll be laughing at the resulting notes.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Mishee bang

    Juliet, do you have a portly man with an albino snake in his pants and a claw for a hand at your office? ‘Cause if so, you should know about this 45 minute rule….

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   zsa

    I was just thinking that Mishee!

    #17- Morpho. “Saved from sterility and advancing strangeness” ?? Too late tootsie! He’s over the edge.

    However, I think we are missing the fact that many users of protein powders and ‘muscle milk” are not, in fact, the HULK but Erkle.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Trickster bang

    I detest people who can even consider stealing out of the office fridge, but muscle milk(?)!! I never heard of the product, but it really sounds like the purchaser was saved by the culprit this time.

    Muscle milk… just… eww.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   mere bang

    wow, so muscle milk makes you insane. sort of like steriods or something, eh?
    i wonder if his pee-pee stopped working too (steril)(or sterile).
    yeah, that would make me mad too (if i were a dude).

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Team Cassandra bang

    How do you act like you’re sterile? I wonder…

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Team Cassandra bang

    If you’re a woman, you’d be all weepy and out of sorts and if you’re a man, you’re all swagger and glow, maybe…

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   zsa

    Dont forget hot flashes for women and totally irresponsible fast cars for men!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   zsa

    I love the logic of the note tho~ first it’s…All or none buddy, dont leave me a shot that wont even start my high.
    And then it’s… I might love the stuff and not care that it’s making me steril and crazy, but you should. Don’t drink it.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Mishee bang

    I actually like the grammar error “I find out who drink it when I see you acting strange” – Makes the writer even sound like he talks like a caveman!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   DUH

    What advertising team came up with the name “Muscle Milk,” and have they been fired yet? Sheesh! At least they didn’t settle on “Man Milk,” but it’s hardly any better!

    “Muscle Milk! Slurp it up for a protein boost!”

    Sep 26, 2007 at 12:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Crysilla

    Yeah No. 7 I don’t swallow either.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 12:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Anonymous Communist

    My kids call an extraordinarily long poop a “chocolate banana.”

    Does Muscle Milk also come in Sewer Pickle flavor?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 12:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Jen

    Mmmmmm … Muscle Milk comes in bars and pudding too!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 12:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   ShortDave

    Muscle Milk is , in fact, fucking delicious.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 12:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   morpho aurora bang

    zsa – i should have said “advanced strangeness”
    looks like the writer has already passed basic and intermediate :)

    Sep 26, 2007 at 12:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Juliet

    Looks like whoever drank the muscle milk did it just to taunt the caveman who wrote the note. That s/he drank two-thirds of the bottle and put it back is fucking delicious. I’m impressed someone could drink all that muscle milk!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Canthz_B bang

    Come on now ladies, some women work hard and enthusiastically for just a few tablespoons of muscle milk. If open-minded both they and the donor are rewarded.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 1:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Canthz_B bang

    Some “men” too!! LOL

    Sep 26, 2007 at 1:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   a happier girl

    Bold is always a nice touch but I’m especially fond of people feeling the need to switch font and point size in the middle of an email.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   GhostWriter

    My only quibble with their ad campaign is that we all know the statement, “muscle milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” is patently false.

    Come on!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 1:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   TL

    Dude went all ‘roid-rage mid-missive. Rad.

    Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 1:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Mishee bang

    TL, wow, you brought me back to the 80′s with your “Rad” – that was awesome….

    Sep 26, 2007 at 2:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Mishee bang

    GW – I think that’s why it says “arguably” – I believe that means it is arguable…or to quote http://www.m-w.com (thanks PAN) the definition is: “as may be argued or shown by argument ” so we can argue that it ISN’T America’s Favorite Protein!!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 2:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   lola bang

    I think I know who wrote this note. This is from the extended version:

    “I Heisa Monster. I no like people steal my muscle milk! Drink, infertile man, but I STILL KILL YOU! AARRRRGGGHHH!”

    Sep 26, 2007 at 2:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   GhostWriter

    Well, now I think I know who wrote it as well: Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

    Sep 26, 2007 at 2:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Mishee bang

    It would’ve been even more of a shame if the culprit was taking America’s favorite protein right from someone’s unborn baby! Talk about a nutritional supplement! That baby might just be able to make it’s way out right through the abdomen!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 2:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Canthz_B bang

    I can just see Muscle-Man sitting at his desk, glancing about furtively, rattling ball bearings in his hand and mumbling, “The strawberries, the strawberries, who drink me strawberry-flavored Muscle Milk?”

    Sep 26, 2007 at 2:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Adam

    “I will find out who drink it” great grammer! But it kind of reminds me of medieval English.

    When I find out who drinketh my fucking delicous muscle milk, heads will roll.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 4:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Bucklehoneysuckle bang

    #8 made me laugh hysterically…

    Because muscle milk makes ME crazy!!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 4:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   WanderingPenguin bang

    I am sure you meant “grammar”, right adam? It wasn’t just an epithet, like “Great grammer! My milk is gone!” ? Or perhaps you were saying to your great grandmother, “I will find out who drink it!”?

    Teem Grammer and Speling Pollice ;)

    Sep 26, 2007 at 4:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   lolcat

    IM IN UR FRIG, I CAN HAS UR MUSSEL MILK?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 5:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   Oedipa Maas bang

    I’m barely holding down my gag reflex at “chocolate banana crunch”. I’ve had crunchy milk in my fridge before, but it was quite unintentional, and I certainly wouldn’t be upset if someone else drank it.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 5:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Sharona bang

    LOLcat, I know you have your own idiom and idiosyncratic spellings and all, but I have to say, mussel milk is even more disgusting than muscle milk.

    Though I guess cats would probably like it.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 5:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   Juliet

    Y u has drink mah mussel milk? U steel it from unborn babeh kittehs! Y u hate babeh kittehs??

    Sep 26, 2007 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Juliet

    Sharona, have you seen the LOLcats website? It’s filled with cute pictures of cats (mostly) who apparently crave cheeseburgers and speak in IM.

    icanhascheezeburger.com

    Sep 26, 2007 at 5:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Juliet

    oop… it’s

    icanhascheezburger.com

    Sep 26, 2007 at 6:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   anglophile

    “Hey Drew, bet you can’t make three baskets in a row with your left hand!” “I’ll take that bet, Justin. Loser drinks Merv’s Muscle Milk!”

    Sep 26, 2007 at 6:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   anglophile

    I also enjoy the odd juxtaposition of the friendly casual Comic Sans font with the foaming-at-the-mouth naked aggression portion of the e-mail. Because nothing says Pissed Off like Comic Sans!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 6:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   Andy bang

    Wait. Now, this person says if you are going to drink their Muscle Milk, might as well drink it all.

    Then, they say, “In other words, don’t drink it!”

    All I have to say is, that Muscle Milk is not fucking delicious, but insanity seems to taste pretty fucking good.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 7:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   GVI bang

    I enjoy Muscle Milk beacause it is America’s favorite protein drink and it comes in great flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

    One thing though I do not share my Muscle Milk and if you want to try my Muslce Milk I WILL SMASH YOU IN TO TINY LITTLE PIECES!!

    thank u

    Sep 26, 2007 at 7:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Joe

    is anyone here still laughing at the “_________ was fucking delicious” line?

    I myself find it stupid and annoying at this point.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 7:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   GVI bang

    Joe we know it’s stupid, now it’s all about who can come up with the most original way of saying it.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 7:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   Andy bang

    Amen, GVI.

    Though, I guess I could refrain for a bit. I think I said that the other day, but it just happened once. One more time isn’t that bad! Right? Right?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 8:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   GVI bang

    No you are only restricted to one fucking delicious comment per post.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 8:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   Canthz_B bang

    Andy, you created a monster! LOL

    Sep 26, 2007 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   anna-banana bang

    How does ‘one deprived of his muscle milk’ know the bottle was only 1/3 full? Maybe it was really more like 1/5? Did he go all/out and measure it?

    And how does he know that it was still muscle milk at the bottom of the bottle? Maybe it was leftover reisdue from chemical lab glassware…

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   anna-banana bang

    oops…residue.

    And f**k this html…I can’t figure it out. Help, Andy!

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   Andy bang

    Hopefully soon, we won’t have to worry about marking up text.

    Keeping on topic, a-b, let’s say that HTML is muscle-milk, if it was 1/3 left, then what tag were you having problems with?

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   anna-banana bang

    All of the muscle milk, Andy. I’m computer-challenged. I tried it on TMHQ to no avail… :(

    Sep 26, 2007 at 9:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #71   Adam

    Uh u huh huh, muscle milk is cool.

    yeah yeah. fire fire

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #72   HateStupidComments

    This is a cool site…however, I have not seen so much stupid jabbering as some of the commentors are doing, completely forgetting the point.
    Get back to the note.

    Sep 26, 2007 at 11:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #73   Canthz_B bang

    #73, there is a proper place to address that concern at the top of this page.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 12:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #74   WanderingPenguin bang

    Hmm…not loving the tiny comment font. Is that a permanent thing? Or is it only happening here, for instance?

    Sep 27, 2007 at 12:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #75   WanderingPenguin bang

    LMAO….and we’re back. :( Don’t bother replying to my question in #75, apparently my comp was strung out on muscle milk.

    Hope it’s not “steril”.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 12:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #76   S.S.

    This site has gotten boring since the comment section has become a popularity contest for some people who have nothing to do but talk with strangers online.

    It’s about the note, people! The note!

    Sep 27, 2007 at 1:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #77   spiderflowers

    So what exactly is in this crap that would make someone act strange? Someone please get ahold of the ingredient list.

    Muscle milk. The name makes me want to urp up my dinner. Grody. What kind of low IQ git would fork out money for such crapola?

    Sep 27, 2007 at 1:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #78   spiderflowers

    Gross! I just looked at that cytosport site or whatever it is called. Cinnamon bun flavored muscle milk??? Gonna lose my dinner for sure now.
    And notice how it lists chocolate cookie pieces in the ingredient list. Must be those that make people go nuts, since there aren’t any ingredients listed for those. Can anyone say Cookie Monster?

    Sep 27, 2007 at 1:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #79   Matt

    I’m kinda surprised this guy didn’t notice someone drinking his muscle milk at the time. No wonder he’s mad if they’re leaving the last 1/3, that must be frustrating.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 3:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #80   Nerdyradiogirl

    Maybe if the poster of the e-mail had drank all of his Muscle Milk earlier in the day, he would have written that e-mail all in one text. He should look out for emails that are in a 1/3 of a text. He’ll find his culprit then.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 8:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #81   BoggyWoggy

    Heh, heh! Just thought of something. To save money, folks who drink Muscle Milk should just go to a local grocery store and buy infant formula, like, oh, say, Infamil!

    Sep 27, 2007 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #82   GhostWriter

    #58 (anglophile) is making me laugh even as I write this.

    “…Loser drinks Merv’s Muscle Milk!”

    This definitely should make Cassandra’s cut.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 9:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #83   LoveCarrot bang

    “I will find out who drank it when I see you acting strange…”

    The presumption being that Muscle Milk makes you go a bit la la… Does that mean Mr Muscles acts like a four star nut-bar 24/7 or does one carton of Muscle Milk last him the week?

    Actually he must be completely barking, look at the flavours… Egg nog? Gack! Root Beer Float? Eugh! I’m sorry I must leave, I have to hurl.

    Cheers

    Mrs L Carrot

    Sep 27, 2007 at 11:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #84   claw71

    Maybe Hercules drink two thirds of his own muscle milk but forgot. If the stuff makes you act odd it might cause short term memory loss.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 2:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #85   GVI bang

    Hey I drink Mus….umm, :| forget it.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 4:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #86   Matt

    Why is the subject line “*RE:* my muscle milk”?? Did the culprit email the guy from an anonymous address taunting him after drinking his muscle milk? And he CC’d all staff in his reply?

    Also I think the submitter left off the last line, it should read:

    Thanks (Terry)
    - Denny the heisa monster.

    Sep 27, 2007 at 8:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #87   Canthz_B bang

    Last I checked I was a stranger to #78 S.S. so they could not be addressing me!

    Sep 27, 2007 at 10:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #88   GVI bang

    Don’t talk to strangers kids.

    Thanks Team Terry/Heisa Monster

    Sep 28, 2007 at 6:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #89   fight or flight | passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes

    [...] (note: this e-mail, our submitter says, is from the very same person who brought us this.) [...]

    Jul 28, 2008 at 10:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #90   Marc

    Sounds like someone was cranky after not getting their muscle milk. Reminds me of the lady who had her sandwiches eaten every day from the office fridge. One day she made cat food sandwiches. Mmmm boy.

    Jul 29, 2008 at 11:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #91   Alicia

    hmmm . . . yea, somebody’s mad, heres a hint. Buy some more and hide it.

    Aug 5, 2008 at 7:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #92   the slow build

    [...] related: just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm… [...]

    Oct 9, 2008 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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