writes an anonymous submitter in new york city: “so, my mom bought me this doormat that says ‘leave.’ ya know, haha, funny joke, like the ones that say ‘go away.’ well, apparently my neighbor didn’t find it too humorous.”
adds our submitter: “some back story: the woman has lived in the apt across the hall for 40 years and collects cats and garbage, according to the super.”
reddit!
stumble it!
161 responses so far ↓
#1 todd
first!
that old woman was fucking delicious
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:13 am rating: 0
#2 Cat lady
Perfect example of why some older people need to be put in a home, with people their own age.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:18 am rating: +2
#3 Andy
Todd: That comment has so many disturbing aspects, I’ll leave that to the others.
This is a great note. It starts out about the mat, then about the neighbors, then about how the landlord is trying to kill them. The final “leave” is priceless. I like to think it’s inferring leaving dead or alive. For some reason, that’s the best way to take it.
This whole note is scrawled with a marker and it looks like a whole stream of consciousness thing. Wonderful! Great Hump Day note, I do say. Whee.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:20 am rating: 0
#4 lauralaiwc
oh dear god, this is terrifying. i would make my doorknob electrically charged so this crazy lady wouldnt bother me.
warped mentality indeed!
p.s. is anyone else having trouble logging in?
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:24 am rating: 0
#5 lauralaiwc
wait, im logged in after all…why did it give me the blank forms where to put my name in such? oh well. now im a crazy lady too.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:25 am rating: 0
#6 Jon
MY GOD! seems like that person was just the bad luck thing that got the blunt end of her wrath. seriously needs to get off the speed and go into one of those old people homes
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:25 am rating: 0
#7 JS
The handwriting looks eerily like my grandmother’s. She passed away several years ago though so I highly doubt it is her…
CRAZY LADY!! The note writer, not my grandma-although, come to think of it, she was pretty PA, grandma, is that you??
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:29 am rating: 0
#8 Cass
Crazy old lady took the doormat personally. It makes sense, ’cause, you know, most people send messages to their neighbors with novelty doormats…
Team terrorist landlord
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:31 am rating: 0
#9 todd
also, what are the prerequisites needed to become a henchman?
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:32 am rating: 0
#10 Plain
*single tear*
God, I love this site. This note has to be top 10 of all time.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:34 am rating: 0
#11 Sazbot
WHAT DOES THE DOORMAT SAY???
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:34 am rating: 0
#12 Trevor
Ah, I get it. She’s making a joke about the doormat which says “leave.” But it’s not a funny joke.
On its own her “leave” sounds like a quintessential P-A move. Scary.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:41 am rating: 0
#13 lauralaiwc
“read the fucking PA note and the preciding info before asking stupid questions”.
its a nifty doormat.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:44 am rating: 0
#14 thedawd
sometime old people take these sarcastic modern thingies too seriously. My father sent a joke t-shirt to his brother (big black shirt with tinytiny writing “nosey little bugger”) My uncle took it as a reference to himself, rather then others reading the shirt. He has not spoken to my father in 13 years.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:45 am rating: 0
#15 lauralaiwc
and i think you can find it at bed bath and beyond.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:45 am rating: 0
#16 K
Team Doormat FTW.
I like the fact that the old lady thinks that her landlord has somehow deliberately planted these new neighbors and their “Leave” doormat specifically to further unhinge her, Gaslight-style.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:47 am rating: 0
#17 Miriam
I have that doormat and strangely enough so does my neighbor. My theory is that they mass produce those doormats to ward off annoying neighbors like yours.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:48 am rating: 0
#18 e
I think it’s interesting that tennants keep leaving…I’m sure it has nothing to do with the crazy neighbor.
And please tell me anon submitter left the doormat out! Please don’t feed the crazies!
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:49 am rating: 0
#19 lauralaiwc
i think its hysterical. alot funnier than that stupid “wipe your paws” with little doggie footprints.
on a side note, i left my own PA note to some neighbors that had 4 bags of festering garbage on their front doormat. it was fun. but i am not lame enough to take ap icture and submit my own note to this site, though.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:49 am rating: 0
#20 shelly
Probably one of the most (if not THE most) psychotic notes on here.
If that old lady was my neighbor I would have moved out just like the other five people that left.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:50 am rating: 0
#21 lauralaiwc
this is one of those things where on matter of principle, i would leave the mat out, but i would sleep with a bat next to my bed. just in case.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:51 am rating: 0
#22 hamtax
Ouch… my head hurts.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:58 am rating: 0
#23 WanderingPenguin
Absolutely brilliant. I can’t believe this psycho actually wrote such lucid - albeit frightening - sentences on that note. I wonder if the picture right are up for grabs?
“I am big. It’s the pithy doormat sayings that got small!”
Team Electric Doorknobs (hey, what a great name for a band!) all the way.
Oct 10, 2007 at 11:59 am rating: 0
#24 WanderingPenguin
that’s “rightS” plural.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:05 pm rating: 0
#25 Gwen
hahahaha… oh man, priceless!
I have a “Go Away” mat and the only reason it’s inside my door rather than outside is because I know some of the little shits in the neighbourhood would steal the damned thing. It certainly isn’t so I don’t offend anyone.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:08 pm rating: 0
#26 miz peg
rotfllllllmaooo
my 94 year old grandmother thinks that mat is a hoot! actually some years ago when I was a teen she said one day that everyone ought to have a welcome mat that said “GO AWAY!”
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:09 pm rating: 0
#27 Optical_Inch
If you’re not free to use the novelty doormat of your choice, then the terrorists have won.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:19 pm rating: 0
#28 Wade
OMGZ! Did she really call her landlord (whose name is in the note) a lawless, terrorist-like employer of henchmen!?!?
Too much!
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:22 pm rating: 0
#29 Buster
So amazing! I have a neighbor with roughly 7 cats living in her apartment. I bet money she’d leave a similar note if we bought this doormat. Perhaps I need to go shopping. I can purchase this at Bed, Bath and Beyond you say? Interesting . . .
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:24 pm rating: 0
#30 Wade
I didn’t know Anthony Grosso had an older sister.
Thank you, Terry!
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:26 pm rating: 0
#31 john
Holy bejesus
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:29 pm rating: 0
#32 mere
wow.. that is one ca-RAY-zee lady!
and if the quarters are so overpriced, why does she stay?
and … and… if this landlord is trying to end her tenancy/life, than why does she think submitter will ‘leave’ before she does?
i say keep the doormat out, and then, every once in awhile try to leave other ’subliminal’ messages. .. just to f’k with this lady.
you know, put a nice little decoration outside your door of a man being hung by a noose. or santa with an axe.
stuff like that.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:29 pm rating: 0
#33 tweedle
The title of this post is A number 1.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:30 pm rating: 0
#34 Brian
Team landlord. Evict the racist scumbag. If you can’t evict someone for falsely calling you a terrorist, in which circumstances can you evict someone?
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:40 pm rating: 0
#35 lauralaiwc
yeah, crazy lady leaves to leave. i hope the resident of 3C reported this note to said landlord.
i was wondering about said overpaid prices, i can imagine that the quarters would change so drastically across the hall that someone got a better deal than the other.
methinks crazy lady has probably left PA notes before.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:44 pm rating: 0
#36 archaicd
There is a reason I could not live in an apartment, she is this crazy cat lady. That note alone would have triggered a challenge to me to get her to move out. The fact that it would become some sorta personal mission is rather disturbing to me, but definetely has given me a reason not to sell the house and move to an apartment. Thanks crazy cat lady for helping me with this life decision.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:45 pm rating: 0
#37 lauralaiwc
maybe a “fuck off” dormat would be the next step to that.
and then putting rat poison on the doormat for her cats. im just sayin.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:49 pm rating: 0
#38 claw71
The Lawless Landlord, Saied Soliemani is conspiring to take over the world one rent control unit at a time. He’s wanted by Interpol but his evil henchman seem to keep him one step ahead of the law.
The Crazy Lady in 4C has been training her cats to fight evil for 40 years and she would have successfully thwarted Saied’s efforts if a conspicuously placed floor mat hadn’t distracted her. Now she’s confornted with a new evil, one more heinous than increasing her rent from $72 per month. Its name is bad taste.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:51 pm rating: 0
#39 Wade
#32 mere
my guess is that the apartment she is in is rent controlled, and this feeds her paranoia about the landlord trying to run her off so he can let it at a higher rate.
either that, or she is jealous because her apartment is semi-private, lol.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:52 pm rating: 0
#40 claw71
It’s pretty hard to evict people, especially in NYC where rent control is involved.
Oct 10, 2007 at 12:54 pm rating: 0
#41 Mishee
#30 - I was reading these comments and kept wondering… why the hell hasn’t anyone mentioned Anthony Grosso yet? This note REEKS of him! Even the handwriting! I suppose living in NY just makes people crazy….
Possible this woman’s name is Terri?
Thanks, Terri!
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:05 pm rating: 0
#42 ahmeen
We always have room for warped mentalities at my house!
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:06 pm rating: 0
#43 todd
after further analysis, it appears the the landlord is not a terrorist–but in fact is Carmen SanDiego. no one else has henchmen that powerful.
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:06 pm rating: 0
#44 Fraulein N
Purple marker! All caps! This note REEKS of crazy.
I like that she included the landlord’s name, so as not to confuse him with Saied Soliemani the law-abiding non-terrorist in 2B.
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:10 pm rating: 0
#45 Mishee
ummm, Todd, I believe Cobra Commander’s henchmen are pretty powerful also!
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:12 pm rating: 0
#46 dragon
I believe that an exact copy of said doormat placed in front of Crazy Cat Lady’s door (and of course screwed down so she can’t move it) so it is right side up to her when she goes out to leave more crazy notes, she can read it and not be mistaken about the meaning.
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:18 pm rating: 0
#47 Adam Amato
I personally like the “rug muncher” doormat with a bite taken out of it…
If I can get away with that doormat, I think one that says “leave” is NBFD.
If you don’t know what NBFD is it’s cause I’m trying to get it mainstream, it means No Big Fuckin Deal.
In fact I’m starting Team NBFD, whos with me???
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:34 pm rating: 0
#48 T-Bone
All very good suggestions, however, after screwing in place the brand-new “Fuck You” doormat outside Batshit Crazy Lady’s door and performing the same task with my “LEAVE” doormat outside my door, I would give a copy of the note to Saied, making sure he knows my neighbor wants him dead. Then I’d retreat to my private, highly-overpriced quarters and sip a martini, toasting the skyline of Manhattan.
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:36 pm rating: 0
#49 Ali D
HAHA I can’t believe how many comments this has already. So this is MY neighbor. How lucky am I?!
Here’s the update for all of you following this:
At first, I took the doormat in because I hadn’t seen her yet and was totally taken aback/scared. (I had JUST moved in 2 days before I received this note)! But then I decided, SCREW THAT. This is America, and freedom of speech applies to doormats! So I put it back out.
The super tells me she’s about 80 yrs old and has been in the building for 50 yrs. She has mass amounts of cats and collects garbage she finds out o the street and hoards it in her apartment (which accounts for the smell in the hallway, AWESOME.) She doesn’t let ANYONE into her apartment for ANY reason. One time, there was a leak coming from her bathroom through the ceiling into the pretty high end Day Spa below, and she wouldn’t let anyone come fix it. So the spa called the cops, the cops dispatched the Fire Dept., who came and knocked on her door, but of course she wouldn’t open. So they had to AXE down her door!! haha..just gets better. She pays $75 a month for rent(!!) As a reference point, my “highly overpriced quarters” costs me $1900 a month. So HA. No wonder they want her out. Rent control is a biotch.
I originally wrote her a sort of nice, but assertive note back saying “Further harassment won’t be tolerated..yatta yatta” but haven’t sent it yet… should I do it just to solicit more interaction w/ her crazy note writing skills for the entertainment of all of us who are clearly bored at work? I’m really considering!
Also, yesterday is the first time I came into actual physical contact w/ her when I walked out of my door to go to work and she was standing there staring at me. I could feel her eyes burning holes through me as I locked my door. And as I walked down the staircase she stood at the top and watched me! CAN YOU SAY CREEPY!?
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:39 pm rating: 0
#50 Zsa
#46- dont forget to have the mat facing towards her, so she doesn’t miss the fact that We Want You To Leave.
Plus I think Terrorist-landlord-with-henchmen goes by the alias “Rene Hall”.
Makes sense~ Rene Hall is killing Anthony Grosso AND Crazy Cat Lady. Stepping up the terrorism one person at a time.
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:40 pm rating: 0
#51 RP
Crazy lady is crazy.
I agree with whoever said to get an “F— You” doormat.
Escalate!
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm rating: 0
#52 lauralaiwc
what is she hiding, is what i want to know. maybe she has a sleeper cell of her own in there and is teaming up with the landlord, and her insanity is just a clever ruse to hide her master-mind genious plot to take over the world.
pinky, are you thinking what i am thinking???
and ali d, i woudlnt even bother to acknowledge her. or if you must, be sugary sweet because that is more irritating to someone than being mean back. heap coals of kindness on her head!
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:44 pm rating: 0
#53 morpho aurora
i predict crazy cat lady will be the source of many many notes.
are crazy neighbors covered by “full disclosure” or does that only apply to house-buying?
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:45 pm rating: 0
#54 GhostWriter
Well, smart lady, I tried it. I walked right into Saled Soliemani’s lair, surrounded by his evil henchmen, and presented him with the mat.
In retrospect, I should have realized that this would not gain me favor with him, but that’s what I get for listening to you.
Now I’ve got three fingers broke. Any more bright ideas?
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:45 pm rating: 0
#55 Zsa
And we have neglected to mention the PLETHERA of commas. I have to admit it took reading it a few times to get past the crazy and see the commas everywhere!
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:48 pm rating: 0
#56 Black Bellamy
First of all, you did wrong by walking away. You should have stopped, approached her, then stared at her until she went back in. No 80-year old is going to win a staring contest!
Second, get this doormat
http://www.stephouse.net/~magpieblog/magpie/doormat_warrant.jpg
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:50 pm rating: 0
#57 hannah
This is just too sad. I feel sorry for the crazy old bat.
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:54 pm rating: 0
#58 tweedle
Ali–
Thanks for this beautifully real-life humor/horror. One does tire of the namby pamby lifeless office mate whinings. Your situation typefies the sort of scary hilarity that awaits us around every corner … balefully glaring from behind almost-closed doors .. at the tops of staircases… watching us as we descend…
DON’T LET GO OF THE RAILING!
P.S Have you ever read ‘Crime and Punishment’ –?
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:56 pm rating: 0
#59 lauralaiwc
i disagree, i think walking away is smarter than picking a fight with this ancient old one. its like picking on a toddler. no contest.
i like the idea of pictures.
here is the one in discussion:
http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/assets/product_images/230/5017313752680P.JPG;pv3987ee5ac747e029
this one would be appropriate, except for the “dog” thing…
http://www.newt.com/wohler/events/us-2002/wisconsin/racine/doormat-big.jpg
and this is great, because depending on your mood, you can change it…this is so badass, i want one!!!
http://www.craphound.com/images/comein.jpg
and heres the one i recomended from the start. sort of.
http://smart.thorstenvanelten.com/smart/images/shop/product_thumbnails/484/welcome_doormat_thumb.jpg
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:57 pm rating: 0
#60 Mishee
BB I totally love that doormat!! Yes!
Ali D - please do keep up communication… eventually you could have a collection of notes that rivals the Mad Bomber! That would pretty pretty sweet, especially with this old lady’s crazy Anthony Grosso handwriting!
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:57 pm rating: 0
#61 anglophile
“Boss, I did like you axed and put the doormat out. She’s still there. You want I should start singing ‘Na na na na, na na na na, hey, hey, good-bye’ everytime she opens the door?”
“No, my faithful henchman, I think it’s time we stopped pussyfooting around.”
“You don’t mean….”
“Yes, I do, I’m not waiting years for that granny to kick the bucket. Call in Renee Hall. Tell her to bring the Camels.”
Oct 10, 2007 at 1:59 pm rating: 0
#62 lauralaiwc
i just posted something with a bunch of links thats waiting for approval…make sure you check it out when it DOES post.
man i havent been on here in forever. i miss it.
Oct 10, 2007 at 2:00 pm rating: 0
#63 anglophile
I must have a Come Back with a Warrant doormat!
Oct 10, 2007 at 2:02 pm rating: 0
#64 lauralaiwc
ok its p