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Wrath mat

October 10th, 2007 · 163 comments

Writes an anonymous submitter in New York City: “So, my mom bought me this doormat that says ‘leave.’ You know, haha, funny joke, like the ones that say ‘go away.’ Well, apparently my neighbor didn’t find it too humorous.”

New occupants of Apt. 3C. Your incredibly bad taste, and warped mentality, are not welcome in our mutually shared space.

Adds our submitter: “Some back story: the woman has lived in the apartment across the hall for 40 years and collects cats and garbage, according to the super.”

related: Really, enough with the weather

FILED UNDER: a matter of taste · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · etiquette · kids today · more aggressive than passive · neighbors · New York

163 responses so far ↓

  • #1   todd


    that old woman was fucking delicious

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #2   Cat lady

    Perfect example of why some older people need to be put in a home, with people their own age.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:18 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #3   Andy bang

    Todd: That comment has so many disturbing aspects, I’ll leave that to the others. :D

    This is a great note. It starts out about the mat, then about the neighbors, then about how the landlord is trying to kill them. The final “leave” is priceless. I like to think it’s inferring leaving dead or alive. For some reason, that’s the best way to take it.

    This whole note is scrawled with a marker and it looks like a whole stream of consciousness thing. Wonderful! Great Hump Day note, I do say. Whee.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   lauralaiwc bang

    oh dear god, this is terrifying. i would make my doorknob electrically charged so this crazy lady wouldnt bother me.

    warped mentality indeed!

    p.s. is anyone else having trouble logging in?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #5   lauralaiwc bang

    wait, im logged in after all…why did it give me the blank forms where to put my name in such? oh well. now im a crazy lady too.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #6   Jon

    MY GOD! seems like that person was just the bad luck thing that got the blunt end of her wrath. seriously needs to get off the speed and go into one of those old people homes

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   JS

    The handwriting looks eerily like my grandmother’s. She passed away several years ago though so I highly doubt it is her…
    CRAZY LADY!! The note writer, not my grandma-although, come to think of it, she was pretty PA, grandma, is that you??

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #8   Cass

    Crazy old lady took the doormat personally. It makes sense, ’cause, you know, most people send messages to their neighbors with novelty doormats…

    Team terrorist landlord

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #9   todd

    also, what are the prerequisites needed to become a henchman?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   Plain

    *single tear*
    God, I love this site. This note has to be top 10 of all time.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   Sazbot


    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   Trevor

    Ah, I get it. She’s making a joke about the doormat which says “leave.” But it’s not a funny joke.

    On its own her “leave” sounds like a quintessential P-A move. Scary.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   lauralaiwc bang

    “read the fucking PA note and the preciding info before asking stupid questions”.

    its a nifty doormat.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   thedawd

    sometime old people take these sarcastic modern thingies too seriously. My father sent a joke t-shirt to his brother (big black shirt with tinytiny writing “nosey little bugger”) My uncle took it as a reference to himself, rather then others reading the shirt. He has not spoken to my father in 13 years.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:45 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   lauralaiwc bang

    and i think you can find it at bed bath and beyond.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   K

    Team Doormat FTW.

    I like the fact that the old lady thinks that her landlord has somehow deliberately planted these new neighbors and their “Leave” doormat specifically to further unhinge her, Gaslight-style.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #17   Miriam

    I have that doormat and strangely enough so does my neighbor. My theory is that they mass produce those doormats to ward off annoying neighbors like yours. :)

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #18   e

    I think it’s interesting that tennants keep leaving…I’m sure it has nothing to do with the crazy neighbor.

    And please tell me anon submitter left the doormat out! Please don’t feed the crazies!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #19   lauralaiwc bang

    i think its hysterical. alot funnier than that stupid “wipe your paws” with little doggie footprints.

    on a side note, i left my own PA note to some neighbors that had 4 bags of festering garbage on their front doormat. it was fun. but i am not lame enough to take ap icture and submit my own note to this site, though.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   shelly

    Probably one of the most (if not THE most) psychotic notes on here.

    If that old lady was my neighbor I would have moved out just like the other five people that left.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   lauralaiwc bang

    this is one of those things where on matter of principle, i would leave the mat out, but i would sleep with a bat next to my bed. just in case.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #22   hamtax

    Ouch… my head hurts.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   WanderingPenguin bang

    Absolutely brilliant. I can’t believe this psycho actually wrote such lucid – albeit frightening – sentences on that note. I wonder if the picture right are up for grabs?

    “I am big. It’s the pithy doormat sayings that got small!”

    Team Electric Doorknobs (hey, what a great name for a band!) all the way.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   WanderingPenguin bang

    that’s “rightS” plural.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Gwen

    hahahaha… oh man, priceless!
    I have a “Go Away” mat and the only reason it’s inside my door rather than outside is because I know some of the little shits in the neighbourhood would steal the damned thing. It certainly isn’t so I don’t offend anyone.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #26   miz peg

    my 94 year old grandmother thinks that mat is a hoot! actually some years ago when I was a teen she said one day that everyone ought to have a welcome mat that said “GO AWAY!”

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #27   Optical_Inch bang

    If you’re not free to use the novelty doormat of your choice, then the terrorists have won.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #28   Wade bang

    OMGZ! Did she really call her landlord (whose name is in the note) a lawless, terrorist-like employer of henchmen!?!?

    Too much! :)

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   What rent control will do to ya

      Man, all these commenters aren’t from NYC. It sounds like the old lady lives in a rent controlled apartment, the landlord is doing everything he can go get her out, and it is such a nightmare that even something as innocent as a doormat makes her feel harassed. Scary shit. I think its pretty sad.

      Mar 3, 2008 at 1:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #29   Buster

    So amazing! I have a neighbor with roughly 7 cats living in her apartment. I bet money she’d leave a similar note if we bought this doormat. Perhaps I need to go shopping. I can purchase this at Bed, Bath and Beyond you say? Interesting . . .

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   Wade bang

    I didn’t know Anthony Grosso had an older sister.

    Thank you, Terry!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   john

    Holy bejesus

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   mere bang

    wow.. that is one ca-RAY-zee lady!
    and if the quarters are so overpriced, why does she stay?
    and … and… if this landlord is trying to end her tenancy/life, than why does she think submitter will ‘leave’ before she does?
    i say keep the doormat out, and then, every once in awhile try to leave other ‘subliminal’ messages. .. just to f’k with this lady.
    you know, put a nice little decoration outside your door of a man being hung by a noose. or santa with an axe.
    stuff like that.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #33   tweedle

    The title of this post is A number 1.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #34   Brian

    Team landlord. Evict the racist scumbag. If you can’t evict someone for falsely calling you a terrorist, in which circumstances can you evict someone?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #35   lauralaiwc bang

    yeah, crazy lady leaves to leave. i hope the resident of 3C reported this note to said landlord.
    i was wondering about said overpaid prices, i can imagine that the quarters would change so drastically across the hall that someone got a better deal than the other.
    methinks crazy lady has probably left PA notes before.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #36   archaicd

    There is a reason I could not live in an apartment, she is this crazy cat lady. That note alone would have triggered a challenge to me to get her to move out. The fact that it would become some sorta personal mission is rather disturbing to me, but definetely has given me a reason not to sell the house and move to an apartment. Thanks crazy cat lady for helping me with this life decision.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #37   lauralaiwc bang

    maybe a “fuck off” dormat would be the next step to that.

    and then putting rat poison on the doormat for her cats. im just sayin.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #38   claw71

    The Lawless Landlord, Saied Soliemani is conspiring to take over the world one rent control unit at a time. He’s wanted by Interpol but his evil henchman seem to keep him one step ahead of the law.

    The Crazy Lady in 4C has been training her cats to fight evil for 40 years and she would have successfully thwarted Saied’s efforts if a conspicuously placed floor mat hadn’t distracted her. Now she’s confornted with a new evil, one more heinous than increasing her rent from $72 per month. Its name is bad taste.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:51 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #39   Wade bang

    #32 mere

    my guess is that the apartment she is in is rent controlled, and this feeds her paranoia about the landlord trying to run her off so he can let it at a higher rate.

    either that, or she is jealous because her apartment is semi-private, lol.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #40   claw71

    It’s pretty hard to evict people, especially in NYC where rent control is involved.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 12:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #41   Mishee bang

    #30 – I was reading these comments and kept wondering… why the hell hasn’t anyone mentioned Anthony Grosso yet? This note REEKS of him! Even the handwriting! I suppose living in NY just makes people crazy….

    Possible this woman’s name is Terri?

    Thanks, Terri!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #42   ahmeen bang

    We always have room for warped mentalities at my house!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #43   todd

    after further analysis, it appears the the landlord is not a terrorist–but in fact is Carmen SanDiego. no one else has henchmen that powerful.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #44   Fraulein N bang

    Purple marker! All caps! This note REEKS of crazy.

    I like that she included the landlord’s name, so as not to confuse him with Saied Soliemani the law-abiding non-terrorist in 2B.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #45   Mishee bang

    ummm, Todd, I believe Cobra Commander’s henchmen are pretty powerful also!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #46   dragon bang

    I believe that an exact copy of said doormat placed in front of Crazy Cat Lady’s door (and of course screwed down so she can’t move it) so it is right side up to her when she goes out to leave more crazy notes, she can read it and not be mistaken about the meaning.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #47   Adam Amato

    I personally like the “rug muncher” doormat with a bite taken out of it…
    If I can get away with that doormat, I think one that says “leave” is NBFD.
    If you don’t know what NBFD is it’s cause I’m trying to get it mainstream, it means No Big Fuckin Deal.
    In fact I’m starting Team NBFD, whos with me???

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #48   T-Bone

    All very good suggestions, however, after screwing in place the brand-new “Fuck You” doormat outside Batshit Crazy Lady’s door and performing the same task with my “LEAVE” doormat outside my door, I would give a copy of the note to Saied, making sure he knows my neighbor wants him dead. Then I’d retreat to my private, highly-overpriced quarters and sip a martini, toasting the skyline of Manhattan.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #49   Ali D

    HAHA I can’t believe how many comments this has already. So this is MY neighbor. How lucky am I?!
    Here’s the update for all of you following this:
    At first, I took the doormat in because I hadn’t seen her yet and was totally taken aback/scared. (I had JUST moved in 2 days before I received this note)! But then I decided, SCREW THAT. This is America, and freedom of speech applies to doormats! So I put it back out.
    The super tells me she’s about 80 yrs old and has been in the building for 50 yrs. She has mass amounts of cats and collects garbage she finds out o the street and hoards it in her apartment (which accounts for the smell in the hallway, AWESOME.) She doesn’t let ANYONE into her apartment for ANY reason. One time, there was a leak coming from her bathroom through the ceiling into the pretty high end Day Spa below, and she wouldn’t let anyone come fix it. So the spa called the cops, the cops dispatched the Fire Dept., who came and knocked on her door, but of course she wouldn’t open. So they had to AXE down her door!! haha..just gets better. She pays $75 a month for rent(!!) As a reference point, my “highly overpriced quarters” costs me $1900 a month. So HA. No wonder they want her out. Rent control is a biotch.
    I originally wrote her a sort of nice, but assertive note back saying “Further harassment won’t be tolerated..yatta yatta” but haven’t sent it yet… should I do it just to solicit more interaction w/ her crazy note writing skills for the entertainment of all of us who are clearly bored at work? I’m really considering!

    Also, yesterday is the first time I came into actual physical contact w/ her when I walked out of my door to go to work and she was standing there staring at me. I could feel her eyes burning holes through me as I locked my door. And as I walked down the staircase she stood at the top and watched me! CAN YOU SAY CREEPY!?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #50   Zsa

    #46- dont forget to have the mat facing towards her, so she doesn’t miss the fact that We Want You To Leave.

    Plus I think Terrorist-landlord-with-henchmen goes by the alias “Rene Hall”.
    Makes sense~ Rene Hall is killing Anthony Grosso AND Crazy Cat Lady. Stepping up the terrorism one person at a time.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #51   RP

    Crazy lady is crazy.
    I agree with whoever said to get an “F— You” doormat.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #52   lauralaiwc bang

    what is she hiding, is what i want to know. maybe she has a sleeper cell of her own in there and is teaming up with the landlord, and her insanity is just a clever ruse to hide her master-mind genious plot to take over the world.

    pinky, are you thinking what i am thinking???

    and ali d, i woudlnt even bother to acknowledge her. or if you must, be sugary sweet because that is more irritating to someone than being mean back. heap coals of kindness on her head!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #53   morpho aurora bang

    i predict crazy cat lady will be the source of many many notes.
    are crazy neighbors covered by “full disclosure” or does that only apply to house-buying? :)

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #54   GhostWriter

    Well, smart lady, I tried it. I walked right into Saled Soliemani’s lair, surrounded by his evil henchmen, and presented him with the mat.

    In retrospect, I should have realized that this would not gain me favor with him, but that’s what I get for listening to you.

    Now I’ve got three fingers broke. Any more bright ideas?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #55   Zsa

    And we have neglected to mention the PLETHERA of commas. I have to admit it took reading it a few times to get past the crazy and see the commas everywhere!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #56   Black Bellamy

    First of all, you did wrong by walking away. You should have stopped, approached her, then stared at her until she went back in. No 80-year old is going to win a staring contest!

    Second, get this doormat

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #57   hannah

    This is just too sad. I feel sorry for the crazy old bat.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #58   tweedle


    Thanks for this beautifully real-life humor/horror. One does tire of the namby pamby lifeless office mate whinings. Your situation typefies the sort of scary hilarity that awaits us around every corner … balefully glaring from behind almost-closed doors .. at the tops of staircases… watching us as we descend…


    P.S Have you ever read ‘Crime and Punishment’ –?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #59   lauralaiwc bang

    i disagree, i think walking away is smarter than picking a fight with this ancient old one. its like picking on a toddler. no contest.

    i like the idea of pictures.
    here is the one in discussion:;pv3987ee5ac747e029

    this one would be appropriate, except for the “dog” thing…

    and this is great, because depending on your mood, you can change it…this is so badass, i want one!!!

    and heres the one i recomended from the start. sort of.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #60   Mishee bang

    BB I totally love that doormat!! Yes!

    Ali D – please do keep up communication… eventually you could have a collection of notes that rivals the Mad Bomber! That would pretty pretty sweet, especially with this old lady’s crazy Anthony Grosso handwriting!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #61   anglophile bang

    “Boss, I did like you axed and put the doormat out. She’s still there. You want I should start singing ‘Na na na na, na na na na, hey, hey, good-bye’ everytime she opens the door?”

    “No, my faithful henchman, I think it’s time we stopped pussyfooting around.”

    “You don’t mean….”

    “Yes, I do, I’m not waiting years for that granny to kick the bucket. Call in Renee Hall. Tell her to bring the Camels.”

    Oct 10, 2007 at 1:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #62   lauralaiwc bang

    i just posted something with a bunch of links thats waiting for approval…make sure you check it out when it DOES post.

    man i havent been on here in forever. i miss it.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 2:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #63   anglophile bang

    I must have a Come Back with a Warrant doormat!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 2:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #64   lauralaiwc bang

    ok its posted. scroll up a post or two and look.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 2:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #65   Andy bang

    Ali-thanks for the backstory. That is completely crazy.

    I must agree with tweedle, this is a refreshing change of pace over another edition of The Emoffice.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 2:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #66   DrAstroZoom

    I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s the very same lady who called a telemarketer a “rapist,” a “terrorist” and a “murderer” in that phone recording that’s sailed across the Web a billion times.


    Oct 10, 2007 at 2:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #67   Ali D

    I showed this to my super (who spent almost 15 full min reading and re-reading it because he couldn’t believe how freakin crazy she really is)
    & Clearly, I sent a copy to my landlord. I suggested that he get her for slander and defamation of character ha … just a suggestion.
    He forwarded it to his attorney. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 2:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #68   Da Ali D Show

    Team Ali D!

    Definite top 10 contender. Ali, man, you have to retaliate. If only for the hope that you will receive more notes to post to this site.

    #37 F-U doormat all the way. Or maybe an F-Cats doormat!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #69   claw71

    Dude, if she’s paying $72 a month I’d marry her and get my name grandfathered on the lease.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #70   MasterTwisted

    Sounds like it’s time for a late night PARTY with the scruffiest friends they have. Maybe a little vomit on the doorstep, a pile of empty bottles in the hall…

    Or perhaps just some really creative Halloween decorations on the door would suffice. Sounds like the old lady is pretty close to the edge. I can imagine her reaction to stepping out her front door and seeing a lifesize cardboard cutout of Freddie

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #71   Da Ali D Show

    #70 you’re supposed to vomit in the elevator. look for the sign that says ‘vomit’

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #72   Wade bang


    dammit, anglophile! now i have coffee all over my keyboard.


    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #73   Ali D

    Oh, and another funny thing… She writes that “each of those brief neighbors could not have been kinder or more respectful of me,” however, according to my super, 4 of the 5 previous tenants had broken their leases early due to harassment by this nut job. soooo… kinder/more respectful? or terrified to the point that they had to move? I’ll be damned.
    This woman has NO clue what she has gotten herself into. Living across from me could have gone 1 of 2 ways for her. She could have been neighborly and nice, and I would have bent over backwards to help her and respect her in any and every way possible… but she greeted me with THAT note… I could potentially do the complete opposite and make her life a living hell. My friends and I are loud, we like to drink on the wknds, and her phone number is posted on her front door. enough said.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #74   claw71

    If you want to mess with crazy people you have to be subtle. Feed her parnoia but don’t directly confront her.

    Keep a note pad handy and whenever you see her stare at her and act like you’re jotting something down. Then fill the notepad with nonsensical diagrams and little notes about her. I’d include recipes for cats. After a while make it look like you dropped the note pad and let her pick it up.

    Another great trick with crazy people is to act a little crazy yourself. When she’s within earshot carry on conversations with yourself. Or just try to act suspicious when she’s around.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #75   claw71

    Of course I’d try to get on her good side, Ali D.

    These people are the whacked out freaks who always seem to die with 30 million bucks stuffed in the sofa.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #76   Wade bang

    It may reek of cat urine, but it will still spend, lol.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #77   Ali D

    she’s GOT to have some kind of cash-stash. the woman pays $75 a month to live in one of the nicest parts of manhattan. thats UNHEARD of.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #78   Saporro

    Team old lady !!

    When I am that old, i want to be just as crazy as she seems to be. You can usually get away with it at that age (or when your like 5).

    oh, and also Team Dementia. because im pretty sure thats what she has too

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #79   Mishee bang

    Phone number posted on the front door?

    This is reeking of Anthony Grosso more and more with each backstory post that Ali is providing us with!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #80   Saporro

    Oh yeah… and im picking up one of those doormats – only $15 @ Target|Come_Back_with_a_Warrant_Doormat&ref=tgt_adv_XPND0030

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #81   Wade bang

    I wonder if they make a doormat to match the fat chef placemats?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #82   Mishee bang

    Yeah Wade, the doormat is the chick who kept allowing her roommate to put those vile placemats away every time she “cleaned”….

    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #83   Wade bang


    Oct 10, 2007 at 3:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #84   Wade bang

    Shouldn’t this note be unwelcomed in their mutually shared public space?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 4:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #85   Optical_Inch bang

    Who’s this Anthony Grosso you keep mentioning? I Googled his name, and it’s just some high school football player. Am I missing something??

    Oct 10, 2007 at 4:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #86   Wade bang



    Oct 10, 2007 at 4:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #87   morpho aurora bang

    there is a fat chef kitchen rug – saw it in hell-mart the other day.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #88   Mishee bang

    Wow, I wonder if he was a H.S. Footballer and that is why he is so concerned about his health and the fact that Rene is killing him with her smoking…

    Oct 10, 2007 at 4:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #89   lauralaiwc bang

    lmfao. i love that someone brought the scary fat chefs into this.

    im surprised that the landlord hasnt done anything about her before hand if that space goes for $1900 a month and this cat lady was scaring away all that money. something is shady there. i still vote for a sleeper cell.

    or maybe shes returning the cheap rent with sexual favors. *shudders*

    ok, maybe i shouldnt have gone there. but cmon.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 4:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #90   Moonbeam McQueen

    So YOU’RE the new neighbor my grandmother was telling me about!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #91   GVI bang

    Anyone ever wondered if this is the same cat lady who had her cat food stolen?

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #92   Zsa

    M_A… I had a “fat chefs” siting (Siteing?- screw finding the dictionary) this weekend at a little hole-in-the-wall cafe. 4 “fat chefs” PICTURES on the wall. Not exactly the same but enough to make me go “uh?”

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #93   Bill

    Ah, the old shared space = my space (and therefore my rules).
    I’d leave a note saying that the incredibly bad smell coming from her apartment is not welcome in your mutually shared public space.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #94   DrAstroZoom

    Our lady probably sounds like this:

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #95   lola bang

    I wonder how the landlord has tried to off her… by not de-icing her sidewalk, perhaps? Or by cutting her brake lines?

    That wouldn’t work since she is obviously a LUNATIC and never ventures into the REAL WORLD.

    I’d get a mat that says “Beware: Heisa Monster. Eats Crazy Old Ladies and Mud Smearing Heathens.” A little long, but I think it would get the message across.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #96   Lorina

    Time to buy a “Remember to Take Your Medication” doormat!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #97   Mishee bang

    Zsa, it’s a good old “sighting” – should I say it? Okay, I will…


    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #98   dawn bang

    I’m with Saporro – Team Krazee Kat Lady, all the way. When I am old and decrepit, I shall take great pleasure in harassing the young whippersnappers who inhabit the “private, [sic] and highly overpriced quarters” in my building. I shall sit in my inpenetrable, rent-controlled fortress and laugh and laugh and laugh some more while the foreign superintendent and his henchmen try to bust the door down.

    Seriously, the stare-down story? Rocks. Go, Lady!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 5:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #99   Zsa

    Thanks Mishee~ I was being brain-dead and lazy and totally deserved the “”!!!
    I KNEW it didnt look right, but honestly- didn’t care ~ smiles and a hug to claw. Poor baby is having a bad week.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 7:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #100   Lara

    How about getting a welcome mat that says “Leave”, but in Arabic? Since she’s already a racist terrorist-fearer, that will feed right into her paranoia.

    Sorry you have to live with a nutjob like this!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 7:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #101   Lara

    Oh, but fucking delicious as notes go.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 7:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #102   Troy McClure bang

    #19: lauralaiwc, go on, please, let’s see it. It’s not lame if we beg you.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 8:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #103   GVI bang

    I agree with Troy, go on and submit it, we will give you a free pass but just this one time.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 8:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #104   Troy McClure bang

    Unless it’s sidesplitting; then maybe a few times.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 8:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #105   Wade bang

    maybe Ali D could reach out, give the old dear a housewarming gift, like, say:

    Oct 10, 2007 at 8:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #106   TAJ

    Fat Chef Doormat:

    When PA worlds collide!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 8:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #107   GVI bang

    OMG!!! Taj, you certainly rule, that doormat is fugly.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 9:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #108   cyn

    I can’t stand it! I don’t know whether to be Team crazy cat lady or team why the hell would you fuck with the neighbor? Cuz I always figured I’D be the crazy cat lady..but I’m not yet, and I’d stare that old bat down, do the note thing suggested, growl, speak to myself in tounges..whatever it took to teach the old biotch to mind her own business… oh. LOL. Looks like I’ m on team Mind your own business or pay for it in spades! And I love, love the note AND the comments, this is the best one since Anthony, Terry and Rene’.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 9:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #109   lola bang

    Thanks Wade! (Or should I say, Terry)

    I was needing some Anthony Grosso action and was too lazy to look up the link :)

    Are people that desperately in need of hobbies that they’ve turned on their neighbors as a form of entertainment? Count me in!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 10:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #110   DDT

    Yeah, let’s pick on the crazy lady. Mental illness and social isolation are a hoot. LOL

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #111   WanderingPenguin bang

    See? Even DDT gets this site!

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #112   WanderingPenguin bang

    I still think this note is made creepier by the fact that this woman spelled everything correctly, formed proper sentences and – despite the complaints about the commas which, although plentiful, were actually all in the proper places – punctuated it properly. The fact that she possesses some intelligence makes her all the more frightening to me. Just wait until she starts ordering supplies from the ACME company.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #113   GVI bang

    There is no fun in feeling sorry for the crazies, or the ones who are stupid enough to post stuff on the internet.

    That’s where we come in, and make fun of the crazies, and the ones who are stuid enough to post stuff on the internet.

    Oct 10, 2007 at 11:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #114   Troy McClure bang

    #113: WP, in the youth of today, writing correctly does seem a frequently accurate test of intelligence. In Catwoman’s day, I think maybe everyone learned that stuff, because it wasn’t crowded out by other core skills such as operating computers & cell phones. Plus teachers were allowed to hit students.

    Also, sorry I ambiguated you!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #115   The Gentle Sherpa

    I can’t stop imaging this wonderful paranoid walking down the hall, screaming ‘WELL, MAYBE I WILL!” at every exit sign she sees.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #116   tweedle

    WP — Ha! ‘Just wait until she starts ordering supplies from the ACME company.’

    The wily old catlady tiptoeing around the messy mental mesas in her apartment, plotting terrible things for Ali D. and Suleimani and laboriously devising diabolical contraptions.

    She did misspell mutually (‘MUTALLY’) in the note, if we are keepin track, though it doesn’t diminish the truth of your observation that this old lady is sharp.

    Oh do be careful, Ali.

    Perhaps all would be forgiven and y’all could start fresh if you were to just bring her a plate of cookies and explain that, while you reserve the right to have rage-inducing (it seems) taste in doormats, you are all about harmony in the hood, & she can call you if she ever needs a hand with anything, peace and love, rackety rackety.

    Qualifier: I am a vet of neighbors with or for whom no good deed or intention EVER went unpunished, so there’s that. I mean, crazy people tend to be incorrigible.

    It isn’t funny. But, if the paranoia, anger and megalomaniacal P-A action of dotty neighbors is immutable, and they make you suffer, can’t you at least cling to your humanity via a bit of discussion and humor? Rhetorical question to all those who are concerned with the aggressor’s honor.

    I say never make like a doormat. I’ll warrant that old woman understands firm boundaries at least as well as anyone else. She’ll probably respect you more if you show some backbone, Ali.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #117   upstater

    #27 O_I

    But if the terrorist-like landlord approves of the novelty doormat, then who wins?

    Oct 11, 2007 at 8:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #118   WanderingPenguin bang

    Excellent point, Troy, about her generational “advantage”.

    Tweedle, I read that letter about 10 times – I can’t believe I missed “mutally”. :| I must have been mesmerized by the giant purple letters. In point of fact, there should probably be a hyphen after “mutually” as well. You know, that actually DOES make me feel better. Now it looks more like demented ramblings than the Blofeldian words of a criminal genius. :)

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #119   dawn

    I don’t feel like logging in, but I did want to point out that the commas are not just plentiful, but many of them *are* misplaced: the two in the first sentence, for starters. Some of the other commas would be better as dashes, but I won’t quibble. I still agree that KKL is quite intelligent, as well as being bat-shit crazy.

    Still Team Bring On Da Crazy.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #120   Al Hanso

    Awesome letter. Crazy people like that neighbour make apartment living worthwhile.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #121   WanderingPenguin bang

    Actually, dawn, I don’t completely agree with you. They might be a bit superfluous, but they are not misplaced. I might have chosen to go with dashes or parentheses there or said “as well as [or along with] your warped mentality”, but clumsy as that sentence might be, the commas are placed appropriately (albeit redundantaly); by that, I mean it’s not like CatLady used just one comma and forgot to “close” her thought. Although I do wonder if the word after the second comma should have been “is” in this case….hmm. I will agree that it would read a hell of a lot better without them. But then, crazy is as crazy does…and maybe the purple pen is still throwing me off. It’s almost glowing on this monitor!

    What I just noticed, though, is that she went back and dotted the capital “I”s in the first sentence. Too bad she didn’t do that with little hearts!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #122   Life With Buck

    Excellent post. Particularly intriguing is the use of parenthesis in: “LEAVE” long before I do. Because of it, I would stay forever. And carve “C U Next Tuesday” with a steak knife on her door. Let her ponder that for awhile.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #123   TAJ

    In an all-caps note, why are some of the i’s dotted?

    oh wait, she’s crazy!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 2:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #124   Ali D

    dude, its not even pen… pen would totally bring the crazy factor down by about 12 points. Its freakin all caps, in MARKER, & not on the traditional 8 1/2 by 11 inch paper, but a square which she cut the excess off of so it would fit folded in half into an envelope which I’m sure she probably sealed w/ anthrax that she borrowed from my illeged “terrorist” landlord. haha
    And I met a guy in the hallway last night as I sprayed the the place down w/ Oust to try to neutralize some of the cat/garbage hoarding odor, and he said good old Yolanda leaves notes posted all over the hallways with multitudes of exclamation points, etc. I can’t wait.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 4:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #125   Zsa

    Oh Ali~ you should hide by her door (if possible) one of those self-activating air fresheners– you know the ones that go off every 15 minutes or so. Then watch as she burst out the door every time it goes off to catch the terrorist henchman who is trying to poison her!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 5:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #126   Troy McClure bang

    If we’re really going to put Yolanda’s letter through the correctness wringer, I might point out that she’s surely got the wrong tense in “my tenancy or my life, whichever came first”. Presumably her life preceded her tenancy but I think she must mean elsewhat.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #127   T. D.

    “Chances are you will ‘leave’ long before I do!”

    Um… veiled death threat anyone? Creepy!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 8:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #128   tweedle

    WP, I’m not usually particularly great at spotting the odd misspeling amid the otherwise well-spelled text; I zeroed-in on “mutally” — sorry: “MUTALLY” — as I mused on the elegant redeundancy of “mut[u]ally shared public space.”
    I know, more picking on crazy people.

    On my way to work today I drove past the local shopping-cart-pushing, piously proselytizing biblical-gloom-and-doom-droning-to-anyone-hapless-and(too)-nice-enough -to-brook-his patriarch-wannabe, lord-on-his-side, heathen-condemning shtick guy. He had collared some polite looking young wimpy guy who was standing listening to him with the same tortured look I see on the faces of all this guy’s victims, waiting for the never-to-come moment when mr. passive-aggressively holier than everyone (and I’m told a former hyper-controlling and abusive husband) stops his sanctified attack. He has tried to corner me and I am proud to say he has never succeeded. I can almost hear him thinking in vexation that I look like such a perfect sucker for his softshoe (actually, he wears elaborately austere [vain, i think!] bundles of rags on his feet, wrapped to just the right degree of st. francis-like wretchedness. Hey– I dumpster-dive at the same dump he does– I know you can dress yourself from head to foot on any given day from there.

    Point is, I think some kinds of craziness needs to be called out or just plain ignored. The fodder for ongoing p/a behavior is often people’s fear of appearing mean. I’m sure mental health professionals could find all kinds of problems with this idea, but I’m not trying to be Jesus or one of his followers.

    That said, my heartvery much goes out to the freeky blighter, and all his ilk –with whom I feel more kin than is sometimes comfortable– such as Ali’s old cat lady Yolanda, who has surely put in some hard years on the planet, trying to keep the world safe for her and her kitties.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #129   Mrs L Carrot

    Yeh, I’m with Cass, she’s all het up about the “terrorist” landlord and thought it was a message from him. I expect she was fair-rated in about 1903 and is paying three Australian Shillings a week for the apartment.

    In order to get her out of her apartment, that Landlord has probably been pursuing scare tactics for about 10 years at a level of callousness and evil that, instead of giving her the heart attack he intended, have merely served to drive her insane…

    Not that I’m cynical or anything.


    Mrs LC

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #130   tweedle

    OK, my last night was a spelling, grammar and punctuation nightmare.

    Come back with a warrant.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #131   tweedle

    What? “last night”???

    First few sips of coffee into the day.


    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #132   WanderingPenguin bang

    Tweedle, upon further review I will say this: her note was not as well-written as I opined. I believe I was dazzled into hypnosis by the all-caps, purple marker, psycho-font approach. Although knowing she is not all the literate actually makes me feel better. I think crazy people are a lot less scary than genius psychotics. At least you can usually see them coming!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #133   dawn bang

    WP #122: After re-reading the first sentence a couple dozen more times, I can see how a case could be made that she intended “and warped mentality” to be a parenthetical phrase, as opposed to a compound subject. It would fit with her phrasing throughout the rest of the letter.

    Maybe she is deliberately attempting to disguise her intelligence level in order to foil the terrorist henchmen.

    I remain,

    Team Lady

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #134   WanderingPenguin bang

    LOL dawn – poor you! I certainly didn’t intend to make you read that any more than once. :)

    As I mentioned a post ago – I think I was seeing more to her intelligence than was actually there. I must have a weakness for purple psycho-ranting!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #135   Sazbot

    Bloody hell Laura, you’re harsh. I was just so excited by your crazy neighbour I missed your explanation. No need to get in a snit. Sheesh!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #136   Ali D

    how did this turn into a running convo about the gramatical mistakes she made? the point is, she’s a raging lunatic and I get to live literally 3 feet from her. ahhh
    and screw everyone on “team creepy old garbage hoarding cat lady.”

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #137   agirlie

    I love the little personal aside the writer includes about the recent landlord ending her “tenancy or her life” just a funny TMI thing:) Could this note be longer and less to the point please!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #138   Troy McClure bang

    Ali, yeah, I sympathise that you need to live in her olfactosphere. But even the craziest have something to teach us all, and most of us are gleaning what wisdom we can from the vortex of her madness. Personally, I have learned that if I can figure out how to post in purple & switch to all-caps, I can really impress the penguin….

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #139   gdad

    If I had another I would send it to you. The bumper sticker reads “Cat The Other White Meat” that would put the crazy needle into the red

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #140   WanderingPenguin bang

    I think you mean “hyp-moe-tize” the Penguin. ;)

    Oct 15, 2007 at 3:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #141   Ali D

    hahaha DEFINITELY finding that bumper sticker and sticking it to my front door.
    I was in a store this wknd contemplating hanging all these severed head Halloween decorations from my door, but I thought she’d take that as a personal threat since she seems to think the landlord is trying to kill her and I’m in on it.
    Just an aside.. she posted a note on her own door on Friday that reads something along the lines of “Please DO NOT “LEAVE.” If you wish to speak to this tenant I am usually nearby and available by phone…” and then her phone #. I think I’m going to put one on my door (in purple marker/all caps) that says “FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CLEARLY HAVE ZERO SENSE OF HUMOR, MY DOORMAT IS A JOKE–GET OVER IT.”

    Oct 15, 2007 at 9:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #142   tsq75


    I’ve owned the “GO AWAY” doormat, and when that one became threadbare, I got the “leave” one…people love it.

    I feel sad for that old lady…”hoarding” is a serious condition…

    Oct 15, 2007 at 11:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #143   Katzndogz bang

    Ali, she’s afraid that people coming to visit her (snort) are going to be intimidated into leaving because of your doormat?

    I guess if they are as crazy as her…

    Oct 15, 2007 at 11:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #144   Mishee bang

    Ali D, I totally LOVE that she is still putting up notes, and that you are keeping us, The General PAN Public, informed of all new occurences. A pic of that note would be a great Update for this post! This woman could put the Mad Bomber to shame, but has alot of work to do before she lives up to Anthony Grosso’s level of Crazy!!

    Oct 15, 2007 at 12:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #145   Ali D

    I totally think she’s going to become the next “Anthony Grasso.” I can see it now… a few months from now you’ll be referring this purple marker masterpiece “OMG this guy’s pulling a Yolanda Campisi” I’m thinking of posting my reply note to my door for all of the public to see? she’ll get a kick out of that and for sure send me some new hate mail.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 1:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #146   Mishee bang

    Well you better keep us in the know about this!! Perhaps you should take up smoking heavily to hurry the transformation process along??

    Oct 15, 2007 at 1:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #147   Troy McClure bang

    I love it that she lives across the corridor from you but wants you to PHONE her. You’re close enough for cans & string.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 7:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #148   gdad

    Ali D, Have a look here You could have a lot of fun with this stuck on your door. I really get a charge out of crazy cat people..

    Oct 16, 2007 at 10:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #149   native phloridian

    i have that doormat.
    it is funny.
    fortunately, i own my home and the crazy cat lady across from me can’t make it across the street to see it or to complain about it.

    Oct 20, 2007 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #150   ALA

    I cannot believe I was out of town & missed this until just now! I agree with several posts that vote this one of the best notes I’ve seen so far on PA notes…does anyone else want to get this woman’s handwriting analyzed?
    I am so headed to Target for the Warrant mat.

    Oct 21, 2007 at 9:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #151   Wade bang

    While you’re out shopping, look for this:

    Saw it in Borders Bookstore a couple of days ago, lol

    Oct 21, 2007 at 7:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #152   Troy McClure bang

    Today’s word of the day at Wiktionary:

    grimalkin (plural grimalkins)

    1. A cat, especially an elderly female.
    2. An old, bad-tempered woman; a crone.

    Your neighbour Yolanda Campisi
    Wants to alarm you, Ali D
    That crazy grimalkin
    With notes on a wall can,
    She hopes, make you feel uneasy.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 12:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #153   Olrun bang

    Damn I need that doormat !!!
    I love it !!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 1:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #154   Sundaeg1rl

    She wants you to “leave”. Not really leave, just pretend leave. It’s kinda like seeing ‘Go Away’ on a doormat. Oh wait…

    Dec 4, 2007 at 4:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #155   Nix

    I vote you kill her with kindness. She sounds lonely, old, and senile.

    Jan 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #156   anonz0 de whut

    This reminds me of a woman who used to live in the condo below mine. She once left us a note in which she extolled the virtues of breaking down one’s cardboard for recycling. The note was taped to a non-broken-down shipping box with someone else’s address on it. I thought perhaps she might have dropped it on my mat by accident, but a few days later there was another note taped to my door regarding the state of affairs in the recycling bins. She rented her place, but I didn’t know that until we met the actual owner at a HOA meeting. In her notes she always took special care to mention–sometimes several times–that she had been living there for five years and that she owned that place and was tired of renters like us (‘scuse plz, we actually do own our place) disrespecting that shit. My hubs and I knew she was BSing since we’d been here for three years by then and knew the people who lived there before her. I have to give her some credit, though…after several months of misdirected and we-probably-sort-of-deserved-it notes from this woman, she actually gathered enough courage to pound on my door at 3 AM to scream at my husband and I because our cat was keeping her awake with his incessant WALKING. To be fair, he is kind of a fat kitty.

    Dear Downstairs Neighbor,

    I was just wondering if, in the future, you might try leaving me the hell alone at 3 AM. I am pregnant* and if you don’t stop bothering me and my unborn child I will install security cameras AND I WILL CALL THE POLICE!! Best wishes!

    *not actually pregnant

    Mar 4, 2008 at 7:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #157   a matter of taste

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    Jun 2, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #158   Meg

    I can’t read her writing, it’s so sloppy. But then again, cat and garbage collecting? Nothing a dog can’t fix. The dog will eat the cats AND her garbage. Problem solved.

    Jun 10, 2008 at 3:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #159   cue the violins

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    Jul 25, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #160   Missing Lunch

    Extra tin foil hat points for use of the word “henchmen.”

    Jun 29, 2009 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #161   a matter of taste |

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    Dec 9, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #162   You’re (not) welcome! |

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    Sep 16, 2010 at 4:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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