This shit is bananas

October 11th, 2007 · 96 comments

Our anonymous submitter dutifully passes along this company-wide farewell e-mail, but says: “I have no idea what’s he’s talking about. Holla!”

It's been, umm, an interesting three years.

related: the farewell email to end all farewell emails

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Dallas/Fort Worth · e-mail · farewell letter · office · spelling and grammar police

96 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Andy bang

    Fight the power! Fight the power!

    Holla. Thanks for that advice on quitting, you quitter.

    Sheesh. Just leave. I hate those dramatic emails, where I imagine the sender thinks everyone in the newsroom will stand on their desks and say, “O Captain!” as you leave as a show of solidarity.

    Bleah. A gmail addy? I wonder if this person might try to rip of’s sister site? :D

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Andy bang

    I’m ashamed I see the Gwen Stefani reference in the post title, though. :/

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   sb

    He spelled metropolitan wrong. Good job, journalist.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   vesper bang

    That African American vernacular English was fucking delicious!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Andy bang

    sb: I didn’t notice that until now, yegads! It’s even better that a spelling error is in the signature footer, so it’s been there the whole time. Priceless!

    Thanks for spotting that! :D

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Team Cassandra bang

    That’s three lines of reason. Two just got mashed together. Well, sorta – I don’t think you need to have a job lined up just to LOOK at the signs…

    I think “Here it tis” is prolly him messing up some British English Vernacular, yes?

    Doesn’t Holla! mean hello? Its pretty funny cuz I’m brown but I’m not American. Maybe its like “Ciao” (I’m also Italian:), so its hello and goodbye? But I thought Peace Out was good-bye. Maybe just in Canada…

    I love Gwen Stefani. I bet her notes are way better than this.

    I’m sorry. What were we talking about?

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Nerdyradiogirl

    hmm. Is it really “black” to say Holla? For a staff writer somehow I expected so much more.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Nerdyradiogirl

    I wonder where that Metropiltian desk is? Maybe it ’tis by the exit sign.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   A.A guy

    This’ll be the week the staff lotto pool hits all seven numbers

    Oct 11, 2007 at 8:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Adam Amato

    Metro, this has been fucking delicous!!!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 8:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   mere bang

    i’m with andy (regarding the dramatic ‘good-bye’ email), just LEAVE already.
    metropolitian. that’s funny.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 8:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   anna-banana bang

    He’s a staff writer for a large newspaper….they LIVE for drama.

    Why didn’t he just put it on page 1? Then all of Dallas could read about it, too! :p

    Oct 11, 2007 at 8:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Fraulein N bang

    Holla! my ass, you fucking idiot. You’re a writer, you should know better.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   GhostWriter

    Well, I’m confused by his advice. Which is it; “fight for what you believe in“, or “stop complaining“? Because I can’t do both.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Adam Amato

    O.K. for the record, that statement is totally racist. Holla is not a “black” term for goodbye.
    Holla is usully used to show excitement, such as I just robbed that white boy for all his crack, HOLLA!
    Or, See girl I told ya I’d take you out when my welfare check came in, HOLLA!
    No body, And this is especially true for whitey, says,
    I’m going to the store, Holla…
    Anyways, I fucking hate holla, but if you are gonna use it, at least bone up on your ebonics…

    Yo bitch, tell me my shits fuckin delicious or ima pop a motherfukin cap beeeeatch, HOLLA!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Adam Amato

    Team Ebonics…
    Hey I just realised, I made a clear distinction between the man, and the black man. Maybe I’m a racist…

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Lorina

    I’m guessing this has something to do with the Kennedy assassination.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   WanderingPenguin bang

    So um…which is he doing? Stopping his complaining or leaving peacefully? Seems like he’s doing neither. Frikkin’ hypocrite. Oh, wait… that’s a bit close to GW’s comment. Sorry about that.

    Since he can’t even spell the name of the section of the paper he writes for, I have a sneaking suspicion he’s been hired on by the Toronto Sun. :(

    I agree that it’s a particularly hysterical mistake to make in his signature, though. That’s priceless!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   S

    Wow, I always triple-check my signature lines for typos, and I’m not even a journalist anymore. How embarassing! Maybe s/he was fired…


    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   claw71

    What a putz. This is a great example of passive aggressive because he clearly wanted to burn his bridges but in the incestuous world of journalism you simply can’t afford to. So he floated this lame email.

    There are only three acceptable options for leaving an employer:

    1. Good terms: I really loved it here and wish you all the best.

    2. Bad Terms, short and sweet: F#ck all you. PERIOD. Nothing else to say. Exceptions to the sentiment can be contacted privately.

    3. If 1&2 don’t cut it, don’t bother. Sometimes your parting words say more about you.

    BTW: the Holla comment didn’t need clarification.

    PS: Gwen Stefani sucks.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Sharona bang

    14 GW, I wondered the same thing. Maybe he means we should settle things with our fists rather than words?

    Seriously, I expect he means, “Take your complaints to the people upstairs, rather than complaining to each other.”

    The DMN has far-right editors, and is owned by a very conservative parent company (Belo). Probably Holla and some of his coworkers have been griping about editorial bias over drinks for the past three years, and he decided that enough was enough and it was time to bid everyone adieu and flounce out fight for what he believed in.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   dawn

    A truly passive-aggressive farewell would be to simply not show up for work and let them figure it out. Amateurs!

    Team Hate People Who Use Slang in an Attempt to Look “Cool”


    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   DrAstroZoom

    Stop complaining about the fucking coffee and throw the fucking pot through the managing fucking editor’s fucking window!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Adam Amato

    Claw, What state are you from??

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   DonkeyCock

    Maybe he confuseld the AA saying “Holla” with the Mexican saying “Hola”. Hola would make more sense since he’s saying buh bye… This guy may have been fighting for the ability to use the wrong words in his news blurbs and got so fed up with the grammar police at the newspaper that he just couldn’t take it anymore…

    vive la resistance!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   will

    I’m glad to see he’s no Jason.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Juliet bang

    Yawn. Jason has set the standard for leaving work e-mails.
    However, I don’t think he meant ‘Hola’ as that is Spanish and not African American Vernacular. Nor did he wish to imply that he was a ‘Holla-back’ person as he was passively writing that note with the firm expectation no-one would write back.


    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   Zsa

    AND “Hola” in spanish is Hello- not good bye. That is “Adios” Its not like “Ciao” which can mean both hello and goodbye.
    Jezus, what languages do they teach in Dallas public schools?

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   claw71

    I hail from Ohio, baby.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   WanderingPenguin bang

    They teach language in Dallas public schools? ;)

    Oh, simmer down. :P

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   A.A guy

    I wish white guys had a cool way to say “hi”. Oh and there is that dancing thing too.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   lauralaiwc bang

    gvafuhdvonsadcio bnsioubjubgvciuwb we;ifuoincoiwn[‘oiefn w

    oops, sorry about that, ihit my keyboard when i fell asleep. this one sucks. just like gwen stefani.

    this guy strikes me as a whiney doo-doo brain (yeah, that’s right) who just wants everyone to notice him as he leaves, because he probably feels as if he doesnt get enough attention. kick him to the curb and make him beg for spare change, i say.

    if youre gonna try to burn bridges, then use a blow torch, not a magnifying glass on a sunny day. this guy either needs to STFU or grow a pair.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   shelly

    People are going to complain about work. If you’re committed to staying at a place, wouldn’t you rather not speak up and get fired?

    Maybe he put the typo in his signature to see how long it took someone to notice.

    It took me a year to get that Gwen Stefani song out of my head. Damn.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   T-Bone

    I think he was loaded when he wrote the email.

    A pink-cheeked, wide-eyed grad of SMU’s journalism school goes to work at the Dallas Morning News. He’s enthusiastic and filled with ideas. He’s shocked at the old-timers in the Metro newsroom– they’re bitter old alcoholics that work from dawn ’til midnight, their ties stained with French’s Mustard and coffee from the paper’s cafeteria. “Yeah, kid– we were just like you once,” they rasp to our fresh-faced hero, “You think you’re gonna change the world, right?” Our hero ponders this: “They’re wrong! I CAN change the world with my writing! I’ll get the hard stories! The ungettable get!” He labors day after day, week after week. Months soon turn to years. He continues to write wedding announcements. His boyish enthusiasm continues to go unnoticed and unappreciated, then finally fades. He realizes he’s turning into THEM, those crusty old bastards in the Metro room. At work, he hides a bottle of Yukon Jack in his bottom desk drawer. He starts surfing the net for porn during business hours. Soon, he’s given a new assignment. “Son,” says the Metro editor, “We’re giving you the obits to write.” Our hero walks back to his desk and reaches inside the drawer for his old friend, Yukon Jack. “I’ve been banished to obits,” says our hero despondently, taking a pull on the bottle. “It’s time to say goodbye to this wretched hell they call newspapering.”

    And now we know how he said goodbye.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   Andy bang

    Shelly: Yes, me too. That song is now back in my brain. Make it stop! Please!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   Leslie

    I’ll bet he’s the guy who wrote the front page headline that incorrectly used “it’s” a couple years ago.

    Belo just did a major restructuring, so it’s probably like rats leaving a sinking ship over there. Their former sister, WFAA (now a half sister, I guess), is the station that’s known for reporting the “settling” gas explosion a few months ago. Splashed all over the screen via graphics *and* uttered by the on-air talking head who was reading said graphics. For those of you who aren’t laughing already, it should’ve been “acetylene.” When they discovered their error they, of course, spelled acetylene incorrectly.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   morpho aurora bang

    what a gutless impotent little worm –
    like lauralai says, use a blowtorch to burn bridges. spill secrets, give names, use profanity. or shut the fuck up.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   Sharona bang

    31 AA, White guys have all kinds of cool greetings, like “howdy-do!” and “hi-de-ho!” Everyone envies them.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   Joe

    His e-mail makes sense to me. He’s saying if you want to stay, then stop just complaining about things and fight to get them changed. Otherwise, leave. Just don’t sit around doing nothing but complaining endlessly (you can find those people in offices everywhere).

    Oct 11, 2007 at 12:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   GhostWriter

    Uh-UH! Oh-No-You-Don’t go trying to explain how complainers don’t change anything. How do you think this great country of ours was founded? (btw: I grew up in Pennsylvania, so you know I am not making this up)
    …and what if the God-Given right to complain just happens to be exactly what I believe in? WHAT THEN??

    Oct 11, 2007 at 1:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   T-Bone

    Sharona– that is hilarious.

    “Well, hello there, Jim! How’s the wife and kids? “

    Oct 11, 2007 at 1:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   RP

    lauralaiwc (#32), I love that line about using a blow torch instead of a magnifying glass.

    Don’t you have to complain to change things? Isn’t trying to change something in and of it self a way of complaining about it? You wouldn’t be trying to change it if you didn’t think it could be better.

    I can’t believe he left without thanking Terry. Lame.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 1:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   claw71

    You can tell this loser is a real neophyte. Dude, I’ve raged against the machine. I fought for what I believed in and ended up getting hosed. After a couple of stints on unemployment you stop chasing the ideal of a career and you accept the reality of a job. I don’t need to be challenged or fulfilled, just paid.

    I still have standards but they’re lower. I still have passion but I save it for the things I do outside of work. Life is too short to chase windmills. We’ll see how the Metro Martyr feels after six more years of SSDD.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 2:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   T-Bone

    Claw– SSDD? I’m sorry. What is that?

    Oct 11, 2007 at 2:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #45   Spiderflowers bang

    Hey, isn’t Hi de ho what that turd said in South Park?

    Oct 11, 2007 at 2:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #46   Leslie

    Amen, claw! I’m guessing this guy traded in one corporate cess pool for another.

    SSDD = same sh*t, different day

    Or, my life. :-)

    Oct 11, 2007 at 2:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #47   T-Bone

    Oh. I’ve been experiencing SSDD for many years without knowing it had an acronym!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 3:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #48   claw71

    Yes the corporate cess pool, where you can put in 75 hour weeks and set performance records for five years in a row only to have that promotion you were counting on swiped away by some Brooks Bros. drone with an MBA. Then you spend the next five years listening to that jerk talk about synergy and pardigms. Customer satisfaction takes a back seat to impressing those shareholders at the quarterly meeting and ethics is a four letter word.

    Unless the Metro Martyr is starting up his own business he’ll be in for a rude awakening. The scary thing about the working world is that everything is a business. Most of them aren’t run that well but don’t say anything. Just smile as the emperor passes by and compliment him on his new clothes.

    Yes sir boss, I think that’s a great idea. Of course I’ll set my hair on fire. Those farts smell great, sir. Increase my projections? Sure thing! No way this economy will cut into our profits. How silly of me for thinking they would. That’s why you’re the boss. I didn’t need the 401(k) matching anyway and I have no problem with higher co-pays. I don’t think you’re a racist. Write your son’s thesis? I’d love to. I can skip the recital, I’ve seen my daughter playing the flute all week at home. You bet I’ll bend over, and forget about the lube this time.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 3:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #49   Wade bang

    Maybe he is taking myspace girl’s old job at Sam’s, where spelling doesn’t matter and he can holla at his boys on the way to Applebee’s.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 4:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #50   shelly

    ROFLMAO, claw!!!!!!!!!!! Beautifully put. That’s what I was trying to say earlier. Work to get paid. Fufill yourself doing other things.

    “This sh*t is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!” kill me :D

    Oct 11, 2007 at 4:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #51   lola bang

    lmao, claw!

    I keep “holla” right next to “can I get a what what” – just in case I do some time traveling and go to an early 90s ghetto.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 5:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #52   GhostWriter

    Amusing, claw71, but I wish you’d fight for what you believe in and stop complaining.

    I’m just sayin’…

    Oct 11, 2007 at 6:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #53   Canthz_B bang

    “Holla” is not “Bye”, it’s “call me”.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 6:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #54   Canthz_B bang

    #15…you simply must stop getting your Ebonics from movies directed in Hollywood. Go ask your Black friend.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 6:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #55   Canthz_B bang

    #44 claw, you have never spoken truer words!
    The suggestion box just means “We suggest you keep it to yourself…get with the program”!

    Should you happen to have a good suggestion, the Manager will take the credit and you will still be pissed off and pissed on!!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 7:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #56   anglophile bang

    Is today the magic day I have longed for lo, these 18 months or so, the day when I finally learn what the hell a Holla-back Girl is? Please, I long for enlightenment.

    And a truly annoying bit of apostrophe abuse: it tis’???!!!???? Apparently Strunk and White are not part of the curriculum in today’s journalism colleges? How hard is it, really, to put the apostrophe where you drop the letter? It’s a pretty easy rule to remember. And doubly annoying if you don’t drop the letter after all, but actually write the word you were supposed to drop. Don’t not tell me it’s isn’t not annoying.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 8:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #57   ScubaDivingNinny

    Holla-Back Girl: in the song, it refers to the phenomenon of doin’ your thang, walkin’ along. A carload of dudes drives by and do their thang. You can either holla-back…or not. A holla-back is giving them the OK to turn back around and get to know one another.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #58   Canthz_B bang

    HMMMM…my definition may be dated. I suppose it depends on your age. We used to drive up to a woman, not drive by. We were not afraid to get shot down face to face…driving by and hoping she shouts like a gutter-snipe sounds a bit cowardly.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #59   Leslie

    Canthz, you’re a true gentleman. Ladies always prefer a drive up instead of a drive by!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #60   REDCLOUD bang

    ha ha ha, where is that guy, because i wana kick his ass for two reasons, 1.) obviously he’s not a hard working american, and 2.) for giving advice that he himself chooses not to follow. i say if your gonna bitch about things then at least give it a fighting chance (No pun intended), or shut up, and get back to work. It’s like they say “Winners always win, and the quiter’s look like weiners!”

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #61   Canthz_B bang

    Gentleman Leslie? I’m not sure…but I DO know that any woman who shouts in the streets for a date is no Lady!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #62   Troy McClure bang

    Holla! Now ponda dis wisdom:
    Don’t compromise witcho’ freedom
    keeps yankin’ my leash an’
    I’m outta here, cuz this job is dumb

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #63   Canthz_B bang

    #63 you kind of lost me…is that a Ghetto dialect or a Trailer Park twang?

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #64   Canthz_B bang

    You can figure it out tomorrow at your “work”, but your message was inconsistent. On line one you have “dis” and on the last line “this”. Can this person speak or not?

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #65   Troy McClure bang

    It’s sort of supposed to be mangled AAVE. Even from this distance, I thought I could trust myself to get it WRONG.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 9:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #66   Canthz_B bang

    LOL. Well, you didn’t…you did manage disrespectful well however!
    Cut yourself a nice slice of melon.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #67   Troy McClure bang

    Cathz_B, I’m really sorry. I meant only to be disrespectful to the P-A (that being, as I see it, a central purpose of the site). I was taken with the idea of the journalist who can’t spell trying to educate the bemused ex-colleagues left in his wake in the finer points of hip modern language & getting it wrong.

    I don’t think google has the melon I’m after but I’ll keep looking….

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #68   Canthz_B bang

    The funniest thing about this thread is that, with the exception of the slang term “Holla”, there is nothing here to indicate an African-American penned the note.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #69   Troy McClure bang

    I’ve been imagining he’s probably white but it’s hard to tell.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #70   bibberly

    I’m still laughing about the fact that he has a misspelling in his sig. Earlier this week, I noticed that one of my coworkers had a spelling error in his sig, and I didn’t even say anything (mean, I know). Then my friend at the next desk took pity and let him know that there is no R in team.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #71   Canthz_B bang

    No biggie T-M. :-)

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #72   smidgen167

    The Metrowhatever writer is, in fact, AA.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #73   WanderingPenguin bang

    Wow. An amazing 10 posts out of 19. I believe that has to be a new record.

    Seriously, World Series MVPs rarely go 10-for-19. That’s astounding.

    Also, Bibberly – where, exactly, did he put the “R”? I assume it went on one side or the other of the “E” as a typo, but it’s still pretty damned funny.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #74   Canthz_B bang

    Something how a truce on petty can be so easily forgotten.

    #73…Please explain “in fact”. Thanx.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 10:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #75   Canthz_B bang

    Sorry W-P if 12 posts in roughly 5 hours offends you. :-(

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #76   Troy McClure bang

    #75: I imagine what #73 is getting at is that, lovely though it may be that, having heard my wrong but harmless thinking behind #63, you’ve forgiven me, I was still wrong, & I’m still an idiot.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #77   Canthz_B bang

    TM—a joke is a joke, very few idiots here, and you aren’t one of them.

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #78   WanderingPenguin bang

    Yeah, CB, guess that makes you the pot (or the kettle?)…as I look back over a couple of threads since the so-called “truce”. Something about “is 10% of posts excessive?” and “who would actually research a joke?”. Something like that, I don’t have the exact wordings. I’m sure there were others, but I don’t read a lot of your posts.

    I took your lead, though, by Passively/Aggressively not actually mentioning names – I would have thought you would be very proud. My post could have been about anyone. Right? So I guess technically I kept up my end of the bargain: I didn’t answer any of your posts. Well, until now, that is. Oops. My bad. *gulp*

    But hey, whatever. It’s all good :) Keep that average up!

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #79   WanderingPenguin bang

    …which I see you are doing. Excellent work!

    ‘night, all. :)

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #80   Canthz_B bang

    Excellent baseball strategy…hit and run!
    Good Night…sleep well :-)
    Luv Ya W-P

    Oct 11, 2007 at 11:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #81   sunlotus

    yeah, “holla” comes from “holler” meaning “holler at me” or “call me” usually said while raising the extended pinkie and thumb to ones ear, simulating using a phone, as if to say, “call me” and while this is done in the act of taking ones leave it does not mean “goodbye” per se although i’m sure this dumb bitch doesn’t know that. she’s not so metropilititan after all, is she…mmmm…metropilisious…

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #82   Guess Who


    let’s begin…

    I can’t believe this country
    is concerned that two college
    football players

    one black
    one white

    would be focusing
    on a little kiss they shared
    on the field

    I mean seriously, what the fuck
    are we doing in this awful country

    another court strikes down
    marriage equality rights
    Sally Field, of all people,
    censored for speaking her truth
    against the bushes

    I can’t wait to cut the bushes
    clear the killing fields
    march on and wage a just war
    based on intelligent thought
    that produces intelligent reality

    let’s keep going…

    man claims he’s gay now
    after he killed a gay black man
    this happened in New York
    he is just trying to avoid the hate crime charge
    you freaking idiot lawyers, judges

    I need to stop reading this crap
    and be dumb
    and buy a house
    and get a wife
    and have 2.5 kids


    OJ is a smoke screen
    an illusion
    to keep people from caring
    about real news

    as one increases knowledge
    suffering tends to expand
    I have to remember that I make a choice
    on how I use the knowledge I have obtained

    Ray, my roommate, who is getting his
    masters in theological studies
    from the rich school down the street
    told me some things about the Bible
    last night that have put my already
    very questionable accuracy of “The Word”
    into more of a fragile, puking state

    we are such a puritanical society
    and it is such a FRAUD
    why do we just believe this crap
    we are taught as children?
    IT IS INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!

    I could smash this PowerBook against
    the wall

    and the thing is
    Ray knows what he is talking about
    he is going to a school and being
    taught things about the Bible
    that many others and I have been
    spoon-fed since birth

    YOU IDIOTS!!!!

    we care more about Britney “Slutty” Spears
    than we do about knowing that
    Alan Keyes recently announced his presidential bid
    not that his bid is going to do much
    but, I mean, these are things one should know
    the next president will have a major impact
    on how we’ll live and feel for the next
    four to eight years

    btw, his bigoted ass doesn’t have a chance
    of winning, come on, Obama or Keyes?
    chile puhLEASE!!!!
    we all know Hillary will win anyway
    Obama as vice, most likely
    Edwards, maybe, in the cabinet
    it’s all a setup stage
    this debating, back and forth
    the people watch the ball

    not doing
    just watching

    do you know about Mrs. Clinton’s
    plan for health care? I don’t know
    that much about it, but I do know it exists.
    that’s a start. get it?

    if you don’t vote
    die right now
    I’m serious
    die, because you are taking up space
    I’m not kidding
    take some pills or something
    congratulations, you did it

    now for those of you still reading…

    I just need to scream
    I just did


    do I know it all?
    HELL NO. That’s why I wrote WE ARE STUPID
    do I have a faith?
    do I question its’ basis?
    do I question everything all the time?
    am I learning?
    I have no clue

    people hate Rosie because
    she speaks her mind
    Oprah doesn’t
    people idolize her

    did I just write that?

    I love Oprah
    but we all know it’s true
    I can’t believe she endorsed Obama
    now that’s really stepping out Ms. O
    taking a real risk that is no secret

    I am working on not being judgmental
    of people
    can u tell?

    another thing
    the Human Rights Campaign
    released a list of
    “family” friendly companies
    support them

    if you are gay
    and have hetero friends
    that don’t support you
    that don’t believe you are human
    and deserve equal treatment under the law
    kill them and then kill yourself
    for being their friend

    because not seeing me as human,
    and as humane for being who I am,

    if you have family
    that don’t like the gay in you
    just get a divorce from them
    I’m considering getting a divorce
    from two of my phony blood bound bimbos

    “what goes on in this house, stays in
    this…” oh SHUT UP ALREADY

    I think this rage within
    started when I watched
    the video of a University
    of Florida student asking
    a question during a forum that
    John Kerry was speaking at

    the student was attacked
    and tasered by police for
    “inciting a riot”
    find the video on You Tube
    be your own judge

    read the stories online, in print,
    on the news, and then dig
    your mind underneath
    the fresh spring dew that most
    taste, eat the undisturbed
    dust that all this fickle fecal matter
    comes from

    I am brilliantly flawed
    but I am

    end post.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #82.1   GK

      I’ve seen some retardedly whiny internet rants in my time, but that one really reaches new depths of sheer bitter lemon. Can’t you just top yourself and be done with it?

      Mar 30, 2009 at 7:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #83   the Ty that binds

    I think this website is rather interesting. I mean it gives people time to avoid real issues that we all need to be thinking about in this country. It’s amazing how an email I sent could drum up so many comments, as we are faced with a vast amount of social perils, we are talking about a “low level clerk” at The Dallas Morning News sending out an email. The bad thing, possibly, maybe, is that I am responding. The worst thing is that what I posted under “Guess Who” won’t be addressed at all.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #84   claw71


    This site is a diversion. It’s a fun way to break up the monotony of a typical workday. I don’t think you have enough information to pass judgement on anybody posting here.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #85   dawn bang

    Yes, you are correct. I don’t come to PAN to talk about presidential candidates; I come here to avoid real issues and to snark on funny notes. So what?

    If you are so concerned with social perils, why did you condescend to submit a note?

    At any rate, your lengthy, unpunctuated, grammatically incorrect, and rambling diatribe is completely inappropriate for this site. Not to mention boring.


    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #86   Mishee

    i ramble

    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #87   Andy bang

    Well, I tried to post something earlier, so here goes again.

    Ty/Guess Who: Now, I read your long post, which you copied from your blog. Anyhow, I don’t have any issue with the concepts you brought up; however, terming me a sheep because I choose to divert myself occasionally by coming here and snarking about is just a little much.

    If I want to have a political discussion, there are more than enough blogs I could visit, and I do.

    If I want to snark about things which I find I can riff off of, then I come here.

    You seem to be quite intense and very passionate. Nothing wrong with it, but I feel that I need to blow off steam at times, otherwise I’ll burn out. Obviously, to each their own.

    Anyhow, there ya go.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #88   Mishee bang

    wow, and I thought I didn’t have a life… let alone a glamorous enough of one for someone to want to be me!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #89   Andy bang

    Mishee, it’s because of your use of italics. It’s hypnotic.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #90   BoggyWoggy

    Guess Who I Dislike?
    What a bonehead, #83.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #91   Mishee bang

    and me…

    yes Andy, I do love me some italicizing! But also great, but completely unappreciated is BOLD

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #92   morpho aurora bang

    #85, 86, 88 – well done

    Oct 13, 2007 at 1:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #93   WanderingPenguin bang

    Wow. I wonder how much time was wasted putting together that “diversion”? How ironic.

    I particularly found this interesting:

    if you are gay
    and have hetero friends
    that don’t support you
    that don’t believe you are human
    and deserve equal treatment under the law
    kill them and then kill yourself
    for being their friend

    I love how so many people are so free with advice like this… yet won’t take these steps themselves. Or are we to believe that this openly gay man does not have any hetero friends that fit that description?

    A reluctant viewing of his blog has accomplished one thing, though: yet another reinforcement of my views on organized religion. So thanks for that, Ty.

    Oct 14, 2007 at 12:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #94   but now i’m gold (hooray hooray)

    [...] related: this shit is bananas [...]

    Oct 14, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #95   iron-ic chef america

    [...] related: this shit is bananas [...]

    Aug 4, 2009 at 10:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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