our anonymous submitter dutifully passes along this company-wide farewell e-mail, but says: “i have no idea what’s he’s talking about. holla!” (i know, i know, he’s no jason.)
related: the farewell email to end all farewell emails
this shit is bananas
October 11th, 2007 · 95 comments
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · dallas/fort worth · e-mail · farewell letter · office · spelling and grammar police
95 responses so far ↓
#1
Andy
Fight the power! Fight the power!
Holla. Thanks for that advice on quitting, you quitter.
Sheesh. Just leave. I hate those dramatic emails, where I imagine the sender thinks everyone in the newsroom will stand on their desks and say, “O Captain!” as you leave as a show of solidarity.
Bleah. A gmail addy? I wonder if this person might try to rip of PAN.com’s sister site?
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:06 am rating: 0
#2
Andy
I’m ashamed I see the Gwen Stefani reference in the post title, though. :/
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:08 am rating: 0
#3
sb
He spelled metropolitan wrong. Good job, journalist.
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:28 am rating: 0
#4
vesper
That African American vernacular English was fucking delicious!
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:40 am rating: +1
#5
Andy
sb: I didn’t notice that until now, yegads! It’s even better that a spelling error is in the signature footer, so it’s been there the whole time. Priceless!
Thanks for spotting that!
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:53 am rating: 0
#6
Team Cassandra
That’s three lines of reason. Two just got mashed together. Well, sorta - I don’t think you need to have a job lined up just to LOOK at the signs…
I think “Here it tis” is prolly him messing up some British English Vernacular, yes?
Doesn’t Holla! mean hello? Its pretty funny cuz I’m brown but I’m not American. Maybe its like “Ciao” (I’m also Italian:), so its hello and goodbye? But I thought Peace Out was good-bye. Maybe just in Canada…
I love Gwen Stefani. I bet her notes are way better than this.
I’m sorry. What were we talking about?
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:54 am rating: 0
#7
Nerdyradiogirl
hmm. Is it really “black” to say Holla? For a staff writer somehow I expected so much more.
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:54 am rating: 0
#8
Nerdyradiogirl
I wonder where that Metropiltian desk is? Maybe it ’tis by the exit sign.
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:57 am rating: +2
#9
A.A guy
This’ll be the week the staff lotto pool hits all seven numbers
Oct 11, 2007 at 8:33 am rating: 0
#10
Adam Amato
Metro, this has been fucking delicous!!!
Oct 11, 2007 at 8:50 am rating: 0
#11
mere
i’m with andy (regarding the dramatic ‘good-bye’ email), just LEAVE already.
metropolitian. that’s funny.
Oct 11, 2007 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#12
anna-banana
He’s a staff writer for a large newspaper….they LIVE for drama.
Why didn’t he just put it on page 1? Then all of Dallas could read about it, too! :p
Oct 11, 2007 at 8:58 am rating: 0
#13
Fraulein N
Holla! my ass, you fucking idiot. You’re a writer, you should know better.
Oct 11, 2007 at 9:24 am rating: 0
#14
GhostWriter
Well, I’m confused by his advice. Which is it; “fight for what you believe in“, or “stop complaining“? Because I can’t do both.
Oct 11, 2007 at 9:25 am rating: 0
#15
Adam Amato
O.K. for the record, that statement is totally racist. Holla is not a “black” term for goodbye.
Holla is usully used to show excitement, such as I just robbed that white boy for all his crack, HOLLA!
Or, See girl I told ya I’d take you out when my welfare check came in, HOLLA!
No body, And this is especially true for whitey, says,
I’m going to the store, Holla…
Anyways, I fucking hate holla, but if you are gonna use it, at least bone up on your ebonics…
Yo bitch, tell me my shits fuckin delicious or ima pop a motherfukin cap beeeeatch, HOLLA!
Oct 11, 2007 at 9:57 am rating: +2
#16
Adam Amato
Team Ebonics…
Hey I just realised, I made a clear distinction between the man, and the black man. Maybe I’m a racist…
HOLLA!
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:00 am rating: 0
#17
Lorina
I’m guessing this has something to do with the Kennedy assassination.
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:01 am rating: 0
#18
WanderingPenguin
So um…which is he doing? Stopping his complaining or leaving peacefully? Seems like he’s doing neither. Frikkin’ hypocrite. Oh, wait… that’s a bit close to GW’s comment. Sorry about that.
Since he can’t even spell the name of the section of the paper he writes for, I have a sneaking suspicion he’s been hired on by the Toronto Sun.
I agree that it’s a particularly hysterical mistake to make in his signature, though. That’s priceless!
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:07 am rating: 0
#19
S
Wow, I always triple-check my signature lines for typos, and I’m not even a journalist anymore. How embarassing! Maybe s/he was fired…
Holla!
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:15 am rating: 0
#20
claw71
What a putz. This is a great example of passive aggressive because he clearly wanted to burn his bridges but in the incestuous world of journalism you simply can’t afford to. So he floated this lame email.
There are only three acceptable options for leaving an employer:
1. Good terms: I really loved it here and wish you all the best.
2. Bad Terms, short and sweet: F#ck all you. PERIOD. Nothing else to say. Exceptions to the sentiment can be contacted privately.
3. If 1&2 don’t cut it, don’t bother. Sometimes your parting words say more about you.
BTW: the Holla comment didn’t need clarification.
PS: Gwen Stefani sucks.
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:17 am rating: 0
#21
Sharona
14 GW, I wondered the same thing. Maybe he means we should settle things with our fists rather than words?
Seriously, I expect he means, “Take your complaints to the people upstairs, rather than complaining to each other.”
The DMN has far-right editors, and is owned by a very conservative parent company (Belo). Probably Holla and some of his coworkers have been griping about editorial bias over drinks for the past three years, and he decided that enough was enough and it was time to
bid everyone adieu and flounce outfight for what he believed in.Oct 11, 2007 at 10:22 am rating: 0
#22
dawn
A truly passive-aggressive farewell would be to simply not show up for work and let them figure it out. Amateurs!
Team Hate People Who Use Slang in an Attempt to Look “Cool”
Holla!
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:24 am rating: 0
#23
DrAstroZoom
Stop complaining about the fucking coffee and throw the fucking pot through the managing fucking editor’s fucking window!
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:29 am rating: 0
#24
Adam Amato
Claw, What state are you from??
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:33 am rating: 0
#25
DonkeyCock
Maybe he confuseld the AA saying “Holla” with the Mexican saying “Hola”. Hola would make more sense since he’s saying buh bye… This guy may have been fighting for the ability to use the wrong words in his news blurbs and got so fed up with the grammar police at the newspaper that he just couldn’t take it anymore…
vive la resistance!
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:35 am rating: 0
#26
will
I’m glad to see he’s no Jason.
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:13 am rating: 0
#27
Juliet
Yawn. Jason has set the standard for leaving work e-mails.
However, I don’t think he meant ‘Hola’ as that is Spanish and not African American Vernacular. Nor did he wish to imply that he was a ‘Holla-back’ person as he was passively writing that note with the firm expectation no-one would write back.
B-a-n-a-n-a-s!
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:14 am rating: 0
#28
Zsa
AND “Hola” in spanish is Hello- not good bye. That is “Adios” Its not like “Ciao” which can mean both hello and goodbye.
Jezus, what languages do they teach in Dallas public schools?
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:29 am rating: 0
#29
claw71
I hail from Ohio, baby.
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:31 am rating: 0
#30
WanderingPenguin
They teach language in Dallas public schools?
Oh, simmer down.
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:35 am rating: 0
#31
A.A guy
I wish white guys had a cool way to say “hi”. Oh and there is that dancing thing too.
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:36 am rating: 0
#32
lauralaiwc
gvafuhdvonsadcio bnsioubjubgvciuwb we;ifuoincoiwn[’oiefn w
oops, sorry about that, ihit my keyboard when i fell asleep. this one sucks. just like gwen stefani.
this guy strikes me as a whiney doo-doo brain (yeah, that’s right) who just wants everyone to notice him as he leaves, because he probably feels as if he doesnt get enough attention. kick him to the curb and make him beg for spare change, i say.
if youre gonna try to burn bridges, then use a blow torch, not a magnifying glass on a sunny day. this guy either needs to STFU or grow a pair.
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:42 am rating: 0
#33
shelly
People are going to complain about work. If you’re committed to staying at a place, wouldn’t you rather not speak up and get fired?
Maybe he put the typo in his signature to see how long it took someone to notice.
It took me a year to get that Gwen Stefani song out of my head. Damn.
Oct 11, 2007 at 11:46 am rating: 0
#34
T-Bone
I think he was loaded when he wrote the email.
A pink-cheeked, wide-eyed grad of SMU’s journalism school goes to work at the Dallas Morning News. He’s enthusiastic and filled with ideas. He’s shocked at the old-timers in the Metro newsroom– they’re bitter old alcoholics that work from dawn ’til midnight, their ties stained with French’s Mustard and coffee from the paper’s cafeteria. “Yeah, kid– we were just like you once,” they rasp to our fresh-faced hero, “You think you’re gonna change the world, right?” Our hero ponders this: “They’re wrong! I CAN change the world with my writing! I’ll get the hard stories! The ungettable get!” He labors day after day, week after week. Months soon turn to years. He continues to write wedding announcements. His boyish enthusiasm continues to go unnoticed and unappreciated, then finally fades. He realizes he’s turning into THEM, those crusty old bastards in the Metro room. At work, he hides a bottle of Yukon Jack in his bottom desk drawer. He starts surfing the net for porn during business hours. Soon, he’s given a new assignment. “Son,” says the Metro editor, “We’re giving you the obits to write.” Our hero walks back to his desk and reaches inside the drawer for his old friend, Yukon Jack. “I’ve been banished to obits,” says our hero despondently, taking a pull on the bottle. “It’s time to say goodbye to this wretched hell they call newspapering.”
And now we know how he said goodbye.
Oct 11, 2007 at 12:04 pm rating: 0
#35
Andy
Shelly: Yes, me too. That song is now back in my brain. Make it stop! Please!
Oct 11, 2007 at 12:26 pm rating: 0
#36
Leslie
I’ll bet he’s the guy who wrote the front page headline that incorrectly used “it’s” a couple years ago.
Belo just did a major restructuring, so it’s probably like rats leaving a sinking ship over there. Their former sister, WFAA (now a half sister, I guess), is the station that’s known for reporting the “settling” gas explosion a few months ago. Splashed all over the screen via graphics *and* uttered by the on-air talking head who was reading said graphics. For those of you who aren’t laughing already, it should’ve been “acetylene.” When they discovered their error they, of course, spelled acetylene incorrectly.
Oct 11, 2007 at 12:30 pm rating: 0
#37
morpho aurora
what a gutless impotent little worm -
like lauralai says, use a blowtorch to burn bridges. spill secrets, give names, use profanity. or shut the fuck up.
Oct 11, 2007 at 12:40 pm rating: 0
#38
Sharona
31 AA, White guys have all kinds of cool greetings, like “howdy-do!” and “hi-de-ho!” Everyone envies them.
Oct 11, 2007 at 12:41 pm rating: 0
#39
Joe
His e-mail makes sense to me. He’s saying if you want to stay, then stop just complaining about things and fight to get them changed. Otherwise, leave. Just don’t sit around doing nothing but complaining endlessly (you can find those people in offices everywhere).
Oct 11, 2007 at 12:44 pm rating: 0
#40
GhostWriter
Uh-UH! Oh-No-You-Don’t go trying to explain how complainers don’t change anything. How do you think this great country of ours was founded? (btw: I grew up in Pennsylvania, so you know I am not making this up)
…and what if the God-Given right to complain just happens to be exactly what I believe in? WHAT THEN??
Oct 11, 2007 at 1:10 pm rating: 0
#41
T-Bone
Sharona– that is hilarious.
“Well, hello there, Jim! How’s the wife and kids? “
Oct 11, 2007 at 1:20 pm rating: 0
#42
FrontBurner » Blog Archive » DMNer Says Goodbye, Thanks, Quit Whining
[...] low-level Morning News clerk sent his goodbye note to the Metro staff, and it ended up posted on passiveaggressivenotes.com, so I thought I’d share. Not really that dramatic an exit, though. Certainly not as good as the [...]
Oct 11, 2007 at 1:37 pm rating: 0
#43
RP
lauralaiwc (#32), I love that line about using a blow torch instead of a magnifying glass.
Don’t you have to complain to change things? Isn’t trying to change something in and of it self a way of complaining about it? You wouldn’t be trying to change it if you didn’t think it could be better.
I can’t believe he left without thanking Terry. Lame.
Oct 11, 2007 at 1:52 pm rating: 0
#44
claw71
You can tell this loser is a real neophyte. Dude, I’ve raged against the machine. I fought for what I believed in and ended up getting hosed. After a couple of stints on unemployment you stop chasing the ideal of a career and you accept the reality of a job. I don’t need to be challenged or fulfilled, just paid.
I still have standards but they’re lower. I still have passion but I save it for the things I do outside of work. Life is too short to chase windmills. We’ll see how the Metro Martyr feels after six more years of SSDD.
Oct 11, 2007 at 2:02 pm rating: 0
#45
T-Bone
Claw– SSDD? I’m sorry. What is that?
Oct 11, 2007 at 2:11 pm rating: 0
#46
Spiderflowers
Hey, isn’t Hi de ho what that turd said in South Park?
Oct 11, 2007 at 2:12 pm rating: 0
#47
Leslie
Amen, claw! I’m guessing this guy traded in one corporate cess pool for another.
SSDD = same sh*t, different day
Or, my life.
Oct 11, 2007 at 2:20 pm rating: 0
#48
T-Bone
Oh. I’ve been experiencing SSDD for many years without knowing it had an acronym!
Oct 11, 2007 at 3:13 pm rating: 0
#49
claw71
Yes the corporate cess pool, where you can put in 75 hour weeks and set performance records for five years in a row only to have that promotion you were counting on swiped away by some Brooks Bros. drone with an MBA. Then you spend the next five years listening to that jerk talk about synergy and pardigms. Customer satisfaction takes a back seat to impressing those shareholders at the quarterly meeting and ethics is a four letter word.
Unless the Metro Martyr is starting up his own business he’ll be in for a rude awakening. The scary thing about the working world is that everything is a business. Most of them aren’t run that well but don’t say anything. Just smile as the emperor passes by and compliment him on his new clothes.
Yes sir boss, I think that’s a great idea. Of course I’ll set my hair on fire. Those farts smell great, sir. Increase my projections? Sure thing! No way this economy will cut into our profits. How silly of me for thinking they would. That’s why you’re the boss. I didn’t need the 401(k) matching anyway and I have no problem with higher co-pays. I don’t think you’re a racist. Write your son’s thesis? I’d love to. I can skip the recital, I’ve seen my daughter playing the flute all week at home. You bet I’ll bend over, and forget about the lube this time.
Oct 11, 2007 at 3:39 pm rating: 0
#50
Wade
Maybe he is taking myspace girl’s old job at Sam’s, where spelling doesn’t matter and he can holla at his boys on the way to Applebee’s.
Oct 11, 2007 at 4:46 pm rating: 0
#51
shelly
ROFLMAO, claw!!!!!!!!!!! Beautifully put. That’s what I was trying to say earlier. Work to get paid. Fufill yourself doing other things.
“This sh*t is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!” kill me
Oct 11, 2007 at 4:59 pm rating: 0
#52
lola
lmao, claw!
I keep “holla” right next to “can I get a what what” - just in case I do some time traveling and go to an early 90s ghetto.
Oct 11, 2007 at 5:50 pm rating: 0
#53
GhostWriter
Amusing, claw71, but I wish you’d fight for what you believe in and stop complaining.
I’m just sayin’…
Oct 11, 2007 at 6:10 pm rating: 0
#54
Canthz_B
“Holla” is not “Bye”, it’s “call me”.
Oct 11, 2007 at 6:29 pm rating: 0
#55
Canthz_B
#15…you simply must stop getting your Ebonics from movies directed in Hollywood. Go ask your Black friend.
Oct 11, 2007 at 6:37 pm rating: 0
#56
Canthz_B
#44 claw, you have never spoken truer words!
The suggestion box just means “We suggest you keep it to yourself…get with the program”!
Should you happen to have a good suggestion, the Manager will take the credit and you will still be pissed off and pissed on!!
Oct 11, 2007 at 7:38 pm rating: 0