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Down and dirty down under (dear)

October 12th, 2007 · 146 comments

When our saga begins, our anonymous submitter’s girlfriend was living in a tiny apartment in Sydney, Australia. Due to space constraints, she was temporarily sleeping on what our submitter admits was “possibly one of the world’s shittiest sofabeds.”

GLAD U HAVE GREAT SEX LIFE but we think it's time to replace yr old bed dear, sound awful

WE DONT CARE WHEN U have SEX but the sound of YR old bed very DISTURBING !!!

But while the mailbox notes were presumably written first (based on the tone) they weren’t actually discovered until after a third note was slipped under the apartment door…


Mortified, our loving couple did, in fact, move their mattress to the floor. But that didn’t seem to placate their dear nameless neighb, who pinned this note to the the building’s common noticeboard…

If you sleep often get Disturb especially like last night between 1-3 am caused by sex marathon

“Ironically,” our submitter says, “it was found when we were moving out the horrible couch.”

related: visual aids always help

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Australia · awk abbrev · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2007 · neighbors · noise · saga · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police · Sydney

146 responses so far ↓

  • #1   WanderingPenguin bang

    Holy Mother of God. :( This absolutely reeks of crazy. Small consolation: at least it looks like the pen is running out by the last note so maybe there won’t be any more.

    I can’t believe these asswads put the last note on the PUBLIC BOARD! Surely there has to be some way to take them to court for this?

    Also, I used to think the official language of Australia was ENGLISH. Now I really have no idea what it is!

    Thanks, Terry! That Ecstasy was glarble fitxmrl whee!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:52 am   rating: 89  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Laura

      Hey doorknob, you cant send someone to court for posting a note like this on a notice board. The judge would tell you to have some common courtesy and not be so loud.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 8:50 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Mover of Bastard Couches

      Actually, you can take someone to court for this. This sort of commentary is considered defamation under Australian law. Inferring someone is a continual consumer of illegal drugs is something that’s landed magazines here (and OS, too) in court repeatedly.

      Additionally, the truth defense isn’t applicable in these cases either. (Even if it were true – which it isn’t. My serotonin’s too old for that shit.)

      Also: we don’t have Judge Judy here.

      Feb 5, 2008 at 7:14 pm   rating: 99  small thumbs up

  • #2   cre8tivewmn

    Great set of notes. Neighb seems a little envious, especially in the last note.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:52 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #3   Al Hanso

    Submitter love his girlfriend long time.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:53 am   rating: 80  small thumbs up

  • #4   WanderingPenguin bang

    Also…if yr going 2 abbrev “neighbour” maybe “nayb” might B better than “neighb”.

    I think I’m cross-eyed now from reading these.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:54 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #5   anna-banana bang


    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   mealzebub bang

    I hate you, neighb.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:07 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #7   RevZeke

    Yr bed springs get fucking delicious, but have been for because drug eg: ECSTASY

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:10 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #8   heisa

    what wrong with people / we like drug eg: ECSTASY!!! me talk pretty one day dear, yr neighb

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:12 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

  • #9   Mover of Bastard Couches

    Neighb also watched the whole couch-moving process from the balcony.

    I hate you too, Neighb.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:15 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #10   Adam Amato

    YR Neighb was fucking delicious!
    This is some of the most illiterate shit I think i’ve ever read.
    Kudos to the Aussie educational system, if this is a product o Australian education, the whole of the public school system needs to be dragged into the street and shot.
    I will give the benefit of doubt though. Maybe writing a note at two thirty she disregarded spelling mistakes.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:18 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #11   Katy

    Wow…the english language is still in use right? Geez it sounds like those notes were written by 3 year olds…

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   becccles

      I think the notes sounds like it was written by someone who speaks English as a second language…

      Mar 16, 2009 at 11:30 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

  • #12   T-Bone

    Oh, I love these notes. I want to clutch them to my face and shed a tear of gratitude.

    So many angles to think of! Let’s see…

    First, me thinkee writer from other part of Pacific Rim– Thailand maybe?

    Second, Australian parlance– so jokey and friendly, even when deadly. It sounds as if they’re all having a pint while saying, well, anything at all! It’s fantastic.

    Third, ThaiAussie sounds like a complete nutjob. I’m enjoying all the drug recommendations and condemnations mentioned in these notes- viagra, ecstacy. Perhaps some thorazine should be employed as well; for the notewriter, that is.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:40 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #13   thedawd

    This one time in band camp i had a room mate with a good sex life and a vocal partner, then one night while i am listening to the moany part of my life’s soundtrack crash! pitter patter pitter patter. There is my room mate with in a towel asking me if i can help him fix his bed. Upstairs i go and see that he had kicked the toe board off his water bed. Trying to ignore the toweled nekid lady patiently waiting for us he pushed the bladder up so i could screw on the toe board again. Then i went back downstairs and continued to enjoy the moany soundtrack of my life.

    Go team ESL!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #14   Leslie

    When my neighb hears noises coming from my apartment, she just grins at me the next morning.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #15   Kim

    Were these written by an LOLcat?

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:44 am   rating: 113  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   PandoraWombat bang

      U had sum propir Inglish, but I eeted it.

      Aug 13, 2008 at 8:59 pm   rating: 98  small thumbs up

  • #16   GhostWriter

    The Neighb secretly wants to hear the future sex love sounds. But he feels guilty, so afterwards he tears off a note to the neighbors full of false umbrage. Then he sits atop a step ladder, pants around his ankles, ear pressed to the ceiling, hoping they ignore him yet again!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:46 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #17   WanderingPenguin bang

    Wait…people have sex….at BAND CAMP???!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #18   thedawd

    i didn’t.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #19   WanderingPenguin bang

    Me neither.

    Wait…erm…I mean, I never went.

    *whistles tunelessly*

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #20   dawn bang

    Team People Who Think You Should “Get It Up & [Be] Done With It” Are Sad

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:31 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #21   Fraulein N bang

    Hee, Team ESL! This person is obviously the same individual responsible for every bizarrely worded spam message ever.

    Funny how the noise isn’t bothering any of the other “neighbs.” Methinks ESL doth protest too much.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:46 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #22   lauralaiwc bang

    good god. did these people beat their chest and do a dance to the rain gods after this? my brain hurts after trying to interprit that. what a bunch of morons.

    i feel bad for the poor couple who now have been publicaly humiliated by this asshat.

    being the way that i am, i would continue having loud, noisy, raunchy, ecstacy sex, but add in disturbing sound effects (you can find them online!)…like, shattering glass, car horns, bleating goats, sizzling frying food, the popping of bubble wrap, the sound of duct tape ripping off the roll…oh wait, that last one could be fun.

    you get the idea.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:47 am   rating: 69  small thumbs up

  • #23   gbgirl

    Did anyone notice the stains on the first note?

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   kryztyne bang

      I noticed the stains…ew!

      Feb 6, 2009 at 10:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #24   In Which Links For A Friday Sent You Spiralling Into the Atmosphere « This Recording

    [...] Crazy notes in red ink. (Passive-Aggressive Notes) [...]

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Denagh

    Lauralaiwe you rock! That is an awesome idea!
    And to the freaky perv counting how many times these poor ppl are haveing sex..GET A DAMN LIFE! Or at the least a 50 euro hooker and a fistfull of ecstasy!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #26   Sarah

    Team “GLAD U HAVE GREAT SEX Life” – they should have ended the note right there. Part of polite society is politely ignore loud sex sounds coming through the walls and floor. Get some earplugs.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #27   crystal

    If I ever get a complaint like that I’m stealing Lauralaiwe’s idea.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #28   Juliet bang

    Good call, post # 15.

    The spelling is very good considering how poor the grammar is, though.

    These notes are hilarious!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #29   lola bang

    The note-writer is in desperate need of good sex.

    I should know.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:17 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #30   WanderingPenguin bang

    WE R IN UR FLOORBORADS HEARIN UR SEXXY NOIZEZ!!!!!!111111 WE CAN HAS SEXXY 2????!!111 kbai!!!1111!!

    Hmm. Kim might be on to something, at that!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #31   Team Cassandra bang

    Well, now I’m just jealous;p

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   Mover of Bastard Couches

    GBGirl: the stains are pretty boring – they’re water damage from where they were pulled out of the mailbox. Alas.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #33   Life With Buck

    @gb girl: Yes on the stains. I was both repulsed and fascinated at the same time.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   pry

    six times in two hours??? you win!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:38 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #35   Gadget

    2 hour marathons, horrible grammar, red pen……oh my! Then throw in the duct tape concept from lauralaiwc …….. One of my favorites yet here.

    Comments 16 & 19 rock!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #36   Wade bang


    lola, I was thinking the same thing. All the notes say “we”. I wonder if the neighb is starting to feel a little…”inadequate”.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #37   lauralaiwc bang

    :-D i havent used soundtracks yet, but i should. that’ll shut ‘em up.

    another fun thing, i have a pair of costume thigh-high black vinyl boots and a whip that i used for a catwoman costume. one night after some…fun activity…that had neighbors banging on the wall telling me to shut up (i was new to apartment living, ok?) i made sure to have both boots and whip in hand when walking by their door. and yes, they saw my props.

    no complaints after that. hah.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 12:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #38   claw71

    So let’s see, the girl lives in a crappy apartment with junky furniture and stud muffin doesn’t have the presence of mind to invite her to his place or spring for a motel.

    I guess everybody in this melee leaves a lot to be desired.

    The note writes is clearly insane. I thought the education system in the States was bad but this series of notes reveals some pretty frightening shortcomings in Australia.

    As for sex noises, there are some people who are much louder than they need to be. I think this is because they are overcompensating.

    Team long, slow strokes.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 12:11 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #39   thedawd

    i wonder if something like this is happening

    Oct 12, 2007 at 12:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #40   MissHoneychurch

    Kim, kill me.

    As a neighb to many, I don’t care about the late night moaning or bed squeaking. It’s the one-sided moaning that makes me raise a brow. Shut the bathroom window when you’re jerking it in the shower, Mr. Flying Solo in Apartment 3.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 12:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #41   DP

    I don’t think it’s fair to blame the Aussie educational system for this one. Based on the general syntax of some of those lines, I agree with #12 that these must be written by an immigrant from an East Asian country.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 12:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #42   lauralaiwc bang

    by crikey.

    whoever it is…just needs to go away…

    and seriously, there are plenty of brilliant people in this world that may have not had the best in educational opportunities. i think someone lacking “smarts” may, in many circumstances, just be too lazy to LEARN anything.


    this notewriter should bang their own didgeridoo (ok, i cant spell this, so im citing an example of laziness because i dont care to research it) to the sex noises. oh yeah. audible material.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #43   Ali D

    maybe crazy cat lady Yolanda should teach this poor mother f’er a lesson in spelling/grammar/use of commas. He’s already gotten the “marker” memo

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #44   T-Bone

    Claw! Shame on you! The Mover of Bastard Couches moved the offending couch. I say hooray! He beeeeeeeeeg studmuffin him. Six time two hour too craw. I likee your idee of long slow too.

    PANdemic Fridays. I love us.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #45   sarah

    I think I’m on team ‘get it up and done with’ only b/c I used to live in a duplex and almost every night at 2am you could hear the neighbors moaning/shrieking and the bed springs squeaking and banging against the wall. It was annoying to be woken up to that. (It almost sounded fake)
    Sex is great but seriously the neighbors don’t want to hear it.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #46   lauralaiwc bang

    yeah…theres a certain level of consideration i gues you have to have, just its hard to be quiet sometimes, lol. but i guess people could move it to the living room or kitchen or something instead of the bedroom. nothing like being awakened by that.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #47   agirlie

    What is wrong with shower sex when you KNOW that you have a crappy noisy sofa bed? Or do it in the kitchen or anywhere except in a room above or below where people are sleeping? I know it’s just easier to wake up and do it REALLY loud in bed, but make it interesting.
    One set of neighbors next to us would fight one day and make up the next. They did both loud enough that the cops were called frequently by the neighbor who lived beneath them(I think). I was so happy to move out of there.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #48   Wade bang

    Team Insulated Walls

    Oct 12, 2007 at 1:53 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #49   e

    what confuses me is they moved the mattress to the floor and continued to have complaints?! My god man, what were they doing??

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:01 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #50   Michelle

    I’m sorry but I live in an apartment below some very sexually active seniors and it is the most obnoxious thing ever to hear the freakin’ springs squeak all night. And my five year old daughter sleeps with me, and I’ve DREADED having to explain to her wtf all that noise is about.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:11 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #51   claw71

    If somebody is making too much noise while their having sex just knock on their door and ask them if you can join in. If you really want to have an impact do it in the nude so they think you’re serious.

    Michelle: If you mean seniors as in college students that’s hot. If you mean seniors as in “honey, did I leave my teeth in your panties?” …ICK!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:40 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #52   Wade bang

    I like the progression in the notes:

    1. Glad U have great sex…

    2. We don’t care when U have sex..

    3. We don’t care how many times/day U have sex…

    4. If you sleep often get disturb (not so glad) especially like last night between 1-3 am (do care when) caused by sex marathon 6 times/2 hrs (do care how many times/day). :D

    this is teh awesome, lol!!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:41 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #53   Juliet

    “Honey, did I leave your teeth in my panties?” LOL!

    Team Yay Seniors (sorry Michelle it must be awful to hear but I hope I still can give’r when I’m a senior. )

    Oct 12, 2007 at 2:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #54   Juliet

    Oops I meant “Honey, did I leave MY teeth in your panties?”

    What I first wrote raises some disturbing possibilities. *shudder*

    Oct 12, 2007 at 3:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #55   bintgoddess

    You all are totally missing the poetry here. Clearly during the writing of notes 1 and 2, the author was struggling with how best to express certain key themes (the oldness of the bed; general disturbingness). S/he had resolved the first one by the end of the second note by seizing on perfection of the phrase “Old spring bed”, which would then be repeated twice in note 3 to great effect. If you squint, the third note even seems to be titled, “Your old spring bed.” As for the disturbingness, the author in a flash of inspiration abruptly switches from free verse to rap in note 3–”Get disturb with the noise”–and a catchphrase for the ages is born.

    As for Note 4, it’s just plain crazy.

    Oct 12, 2007 at 3:03 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #56   Max

    Someone has to say it ….

    “That couch is fucking delicious”

    Oct 12, 2007 at 3:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #57   GhostWriter

    agirlie asked, “What’s wrong with shower sex?” That is exactly what my high school wrestling coach said. “Close-knit team” my ASS- I quit!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 3:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #58   Moonbeam McQueen

    Oh God…oh yes…oh, oh, oh! *screek*screek*screek*…(pant, pant, pant)…*screek*screek*screek*

    Oct 12, 2007 at 7:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #59   Mishee

    my sex just makes people nauseous if they see or hear it

    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #60   Wade bang

    I think I would point the stereo speaker at the ceiling (wall? floor?) and crank up some tunes to drown out the noise.

    Maybe AC/DC “You Shook Me All Night Long”

    Oct 12, 2007 at 8:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #61   lola bang

    MQ # 57: I imagined it would be more like:

    “Oh GOD!” *EE-er* EE-er* “Harder! HARDER!” *EE-er-EE-er-EE* *thump!* as he hits the floor with a heart attack

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #62   Mishee bang

    Nice try #58 – you don’t have an exclamation point! But definitely an “E” for Effort… and for the fact that it’s pretty close to “F”…. as in “F” you…

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #63   Andy bang

    OK, so in the first note, they recommend Viagra, because it seemingly took so long to get it up.

    Then, in the final note, they’re accused of USING some drug, because now they’re having MORE sex!

    Make up your mind, people. Wait, that was lost a long time ago, obviously.

    Good lord. In terms of unreadable notes, I’d have to say this set would be in the Hall of Fame, wouldn’t you say?

    Also, I saw those stains and went, hmmmmm…. and ew….

    Finally, how about wrapping yourself in bubble wrap, covering the sofa bed in potato chips, then going at it? Whoopee!!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #64   lola bang

    Oh, Andy – I miss you on the dark side

    Oct 12, 2007 at 9:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #65   Mishee bang

    First of all, lola, I totally agree with you there! Andy where have you been? Come over to the Dark Side, you will be even MORE powerful over there!

    And secondly, wow Fake Mishee, you aren’t even memorable… nice try, go back to your MySpace page and your texting, try to get the food out of your braces, and don’t forget to apply your ProActiv tonight… leave being Fake Mishee to people who have earned it…

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #66   damon

    Lawd a mercy… It’s like they were written by the cranky Chinese guy who owns the buffet at the corner that screams “You be here four hour!!! You go NOWWWWWW!!!!!!”

    Oct 12, 2007 at 10:54 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #66.1   Sarah

      Omg. Greatest reference ever.

      Team Chinese Guy

      May 17, 2008 at 9:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #67   Wade bang

    I’m still trying to figure out what 20/60 means in the last note.

    Is super ecstasy sex going on in two different rooms?

    Do rooms 20 and 60 adjoin?

    Or is this just a messed up Aussie numbering system?

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #68   Mishee bang

    I’m going with Messed Up Aussie Numbering System. Hell, they can’t even make a toilet that makes the water spin the correct way!! Don’t the Aussie’s do anything right? Hell, they don’t even have Mel Gibson to boast about anymore… I guess Yahoo Serious will have to be replaced at the top.

    Although Keith Urban is a pretty fine looking Aussie if I do say so myself…

    I would definitely make a sofabed squeak with him!

    Oct 12, 2007 at 11:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #69   Sophie

    Okay, I’m Australian and I’m pretty sure this person is not normal.

    The combination of drug references and the word ‘dear’make me think this is someone old. Like, in their 50s or 60s.

    They are also probably certifiable.

    Having said that, I will admit that Aussies have perfected the art of passive-agression. Its the anglo-saxon background unfortunately.

    Oct 13, 2007 at 12:56 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #70   morpho aurora bang

    neighb could have just beat on the wall (or whatever) or put all of the notes on the door. posting one on the notice board was way out of line. speakers and porn soundtrack would be a great idea to start with.

    Oct 13, 2007 at 12:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #71   Lolcat

    I heer wat u did thar

    Oct 13, 2007 at 1:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #72   Sir Byrd


    Oct 13, 2007 at 2:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #73   Troy McClure bang

    I’m not Aussie, but I do teach at a Sydney university, and trust me, this is ALL TOO NORMAL. Over half of my students write exactly this way.

    The numbering just means room 20 in an apartment whose street number is 60. That ain’t weird notation, is it??

    Oct 13, 2007 at 4:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #74   Turtle

    Unit 20/60 Something Street

    This person gives Aussies a bad name! I tend to agree with those who think it is someone with an Asian background – Most Asian-Aussies when they learn English as a second language speak in a similar way to this. The Australian education system isn’t that bad!

    Oct 13, 2007 at 5:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #75   Sophie

    Turtle, you are right. It does sound Asian-Australian. But my mother in law also writes like this and in her case she is whiter-than-white anglo-saxon.

    But she is also uneducated and completely out of her mind (truly, not just being mean. She’s totally unstable).

    Oct 13, 2007 at 8:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #76   boodie bang

    It reminds me very much of my old English teacher in College, who was from Thailand. On the very first day she said “You come early, one hour, I teach you write better English”

    Which was very much debatable.

    Oct 13, 2007 at 8:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #77   lola bang

    I’m amazed at how quickly this turned into a discussion of whether this is an odd-ball Australian, or if ALL Australians are slightly odd.

    I, personally, have no opinion on the matter. Only that just about every guy to come out of Australia is hot in that rugged, sweaty, foul-mouthed way. So, feel free to be an abomination to the English language. Just make sure to be half-naked when you do it – no squeaky mattress necessary!

    Oct 13, 2007 at 10:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #78   BoggyWoggy

    fake, fake, fake, fake, fake…
    Look at the “paper” the notes are written on. Fake background, fake folds…the submitter, who chose to remain annonymous, wanted some attention…and knew he’d/she’d get it here, with stupid folks commenting on their fake notes.
    No ESL folks write “you” with a “u.”
    Oh, and #58 was sort of funny, don’t you think? I’d like to shake that person’s hand!

    Oct 13, 2007 at 11:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #79   Troy McClure bang

    One of the hardest parts of learning a foreign language is learning how to choose the different levels of formality & that type of thing. I don’t think any ESLs think “you” is spelled “u”, but many probably have no idea when it’s appropriate to use which. Most certainly this person is from an East Asian background, & I vote “real, real, real, real, real”. And what’s this fake folds business? If you wanted to fake a note for PAN, what the hell would be easier than using real paper? The folds may not look real too you, but maybe they were read by a low-quality scanner. (Low-quality scanner … maybe I’ll use that nickname next time I write a limerick….)

    Oct 13, 2007 at 12:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #79.1   V

      lots of ESL students and adults use “u” and “2″ inappropriately, my vietnamese housemate did it all the time when writing passive-aggressive notes

      Nov 15, 2008 at 3:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #80   Mishee bang

    Troy McClure, I believe I may remember you from such posts as “this shit is bananas” and “wrath mat”…

    Sorry guys, it just needed to be said!

    Oct 13, 2007 at 6:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #81   Troy McClure bang

    Mishee, you’ve made a monkey out of me!

    Oct 13, 2007 at 8:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #82   System Error

    Boggy Woggy – it’s so NOT fake. These notes are totally real, check them out here:

    Oct 13, 2007 at 10:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #83   ted

    So they lived in a building full of retarded uptight unfuckable Asian bluenoses?

    Oct 14, 2007 at 12:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #84   Jon

    hmmm… because nobody said it yet… THAT SEX TASTED AMAZING

    heh take it at face value, because that’s all there is to it.

    Oct 14, 2007 at 3:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #85   Jon

    damn it, messed it up. >.> that sex was fucking delicious. fine

    Oct 14, 2007 at 3:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #86   Canthz_B bang

    If your rent is paid…howl your ass off! Why pay for a motel just because the neighbors can’t take care of business?
    If tight-ass wants to buy me a new bed, I’d say “Thanks, if not I’d say “Mind your F’ing business”!

    Team Make that mattress earn workman’s comp.!!

    Oct 14, 2007 at 5:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #87   Canthz_B bang

    “Very sorry 20/50, but we really did not have you on our minds at the time.” would have been a nice response letter, yes?

    Oct 14, 2007 at 5:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #88   Mishee

    my sex is loud but i’m always alone!

    Oct 14, 2007 at 1:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #89   GhostWriter

    Had you heard that Fergie got her start in Sydney?

    I suspect that she may even be our “anonymous” submitter’s girlfriend, sleeping on a sofabed before she hit the big-time.

    So, it seems that in this case, it was the anonymous boyfriend who was fuckin’ fergaliscious.

    I got a million of ‘em…

    Oct 14, 2007 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #90   REDCLOUD bang

    hmmmm, after thoroughly analyzing the above notes, i would guess that maybe the writer of the notes was jealous because it was the other people “gettin some” and not them, therefore in a fit of blind passsionate rage, they “skillfully and edjumacatedly wrote those notes in leiu of actually saying something to the other “party”.

    Oct 14, 2007 at 5:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #91   Troy McClure bang

    Here, look, I just got this today:

    hi there [name], my name is [name] the ID number is [number], i just found out this problem that my second quizz was not be recorded, when i check this score by the
    time i work on the third one , i realize that may be caused by the speed of my terrible
    internet and i chose the web too fast at that time as well. so ,i just wondering there is
    any chance that i can do it again ?
    i am real thank that you can help me!!

    It might even be from the same person. You just get used to reading it—I try not to focus on individual words, & the meaning eventually jumps out, like in a Magic Eye.

    Oct 14, 2007 at 8:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #92   Mover of Bastard Couches

    Boggy Woggy: the notes are scanned, that’s why they look flat – they’re not photographed in situ as half of them were *in the mailbox* and the others were found under the door and pinned to the communal noticeboard in the complex. Given that I was moving a Bastard Couch at the time, I was more interested in removing it from neighbourly view than attempting some kind of photographic masterpiece.

    Neighb is, as far as we could tell, an ESL individual; there were also lots of exchange students in the place where this all took place, which is what made it a little difficult to pick which neighb was Neighb.

    Oct 14, 2007 at 9:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #93   agirlie

    @ghostwriter-Easy explanation, I have four kids. Shower sex is a way of life for us.

    Oct 14, 2007 at 10:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #94   WanderingPenguin bang

    @agirlie – maybe try showering alone so you can stop at four kids. ;)

    Oct 15, 2007 at 3:54 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #95   Mishee bang

    #79 Troy – as in “Stop The Planet of the Apes, I Want To Get Off”? Get your paws off of me you dirty ape!

    #86 – Unfortunately right now you are correct as my hubby is unavoidably detained… come February I hope to get a note like these myself from my neighbors as I welcome my husband home… but keep trying with the Fake Mishee shit… it’s ALMOST entertaining…

    Oct 15, 2007 at 8:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #96   turrboenvy

    My now-wife and I were sitting down to a movie, when we heard this strange thumping noise. We muted the movie, revealing the telling squeaker squeaker from upstiars. As loud as I could, I moaned “oh yeah, OH YEAH!” Silence. Footsteps.

    I’m sure what’s happening is that Neighb’s wife is bitching at him for not doing her or anything about the noise. He’s just pissed because it’s getting him in trouble.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 9:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #97   shelly

    I didn’t get a chance to check on Friday! I missed out big time with this one, but my brain hurts from trying to read it.

    If you have to live in an apartment, you have to expect these kinds of things to happen. These notes are so terrible I might have entertained the idea of ignoring them completely.

    Neighb definitely needs to get some.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 10:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #98   Sue Do Nim

    The handwriting is so inconsistent, it screams fake to me.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 4:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #99   L'Emmerdeur

    Oh my, seems like someone no get the love long time.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 4:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #100   Olivia

    My boyfriend has the most horribly old spring-y bed too. I’m not worried about anyone hearing the noise though… I’m worried about getting a damn spring in my back/knee/what-have-you.

    Plus, the note-writer should be giving this couple kudos for their sex marathon. I always appreciate a good sex-marathon kudos.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 7:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #101   Troy McClure bang

    Sue Do Nim, I dunno … when I write Chinese characters, even I can see that my handwriting’s spectacularly inconsistent. What’s your alternative theory, anyway? That really it’s someone with great handwriting & grammar, who wanted to complain about, shall we say, Sex in the Vicinity, but was so paranoid or embarrassed, that s/he decided to disguise the note’s origin by pretending to be ESL?

    This is really a recurring theme, isn’t it? Why not go the whole hog? When you think about it, the universe it pretty amazing, isn’t it? Almost … too amazing?

    Oct 15, 2007 at 8:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #102   BoggyWoggy

    BoggyWoggy is right.
    Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake…
    These were not faxed! Duh! Look at the fake turned corners! I have that background on Vista! Also, I’d be pretty amazed to see faxed red Sharpie.
    Stop taking it so personally. It’s so sad to be duped.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 11:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #103   BoggyWoggy

    Oh, and I’m an ESL teacher. No students I’ve ever had, nor families I’ve ever known, would write like this! Dur. It’s written by some dumb folks who text-message all the time. Probably didn’t even know how to write well to begin with. Also, the fact that the series simply repeats itself, with no new variations or information is a DEAD giveaway. If you’d like a copy of the frickin’ background fake paper, it’s easy to get.

    Oct 15, 2007 at 11:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #104   WanderingPenguin bang

    BW, they may be faked but I wanted to point out they didn’t say they were “faxed” they said the notes were “scanned” so they easily could still have transmitted the red ink to this site.

    Oct 16, 2007 at 12:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #105   Andy bang

    Boggy: I’ve scanned an item or three, and those do look like artifacts from scanning. As for the handwriting, it looks consistent from post to post. We’ve had truly faked notes before where the “paper” was crumpled up, but the text was floating on top, all pristine.

    I actually don’t care if it’s fake or real (at this point). I just like doing the CSI-style analysis.

    Is posting a faked PA note a PA act in itself? If so, that’s so self-referential, like a show within a show.

    Oct 16, 2007 at 7:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #106   Wade bang

    speaking of CSI

    i just noticed that the 6 in 6 times/2 hours looks like it was a 5.

    i can see them sitting up during that 2 hrs of screeking, writing the note, and just as they ask for /our peace at all times, apt. 20 starts up again and they have to write a 6 over the 5.

    ROLFLMAO – loudly

    Oct 16, 2007 at 12:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #107   get me out of the south

    Thank you Terry.

    Oct 16, 2007 at 4:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #108   Felinity

    Wow, that’s some great Engrish goin’ on there.

    Oct 16, 2007 at 5:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #109   BoggyWoggy


    Oct 16, 2007 at 8:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #110   Jo Blogs

    I can assert with authority and surety that these aren’t fake, as I’ve seen the originals. I’ve also seen the notes’ recipients try to keep their hands off each other in public, so I’m certain their nocturnal activities would be joyously audible.

    It’s amusing to read the “reasons” for believing they are fakes, though. Go, you pedantic detectives, you!

    Oct 16, 2007 at 9:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #111   Mover of Bastard Couches

    I love how convinced you are that it’s fake, Boggy. Don’t quite know where you’re getting the faxed bit from; these were all scanned on my office scanner (a Umax Astra 2400X) – you can see bits of it in the shots.

    Andy’s spot on for the rest of it.

    I’d like to be able to say that we didn’t have a psycho Neighb, but unfortunately it’s all true.

    I doubt, however, that Neighb will show up here to vouch for their authenticity. Am planning, though, to print out this entry and stick it in their mailbox next time I’m in the area, so you never know.

    Oct 16, 2007 at 9:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #112   Andy bang

    You know, I was going provide the scanner info in my analysis, but didn’t want to sound like a smarty-pants. :D

    Actually, if this WAS an episode of CSI, they could’ve gotten the model name, as well as DNA images from the scanner parts peeking out in the scans.

    Hey, all the best to Neighb. Good luck with the shock treatments and all that. :)

    Oct 16, 2007 at 10:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #113   shortfrog

    um, does anyone feel a little bit dumber after reading this? I feel a bit cross eyed n stuff.

    Oct 17, 2007 at 8:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #114   S0-l0

    I love your site. :) Makes me giggle every time.

    Oct 18, 2007 at 4:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #115   tanyetta

    i love it!

    Oct 18, 2007 at 9:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #116   WendyB


    Oct 19, 2007 at 1:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #117   agirlie

    @wanderingpenguin-hee, hee, never! :-)

    Oct 19, 2007 at 10:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #118   Veggie

    Obviously since you get it on between the hours of 1 and 3am, you are loaded up on X. Obviously.

    The grossest part: Neighb was probably getting his kicks out of your sex…. eeew.

    Oct 22, 2007 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #119   Strepsi

    The most passive-aggressive is the Submitter — shows some hot PA notes and also lets us know how RICKING their sex life is! Submitter FTW!

    Oct 28, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #120   Strepsi


    (and apparently, CREAKING and SQUEAKING)

    Oct 28, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #121   passive-allergic

    [...] so i’m not sure if i’m in the wrong on this one,” says melanie from sydney. “i have a long haired cat who sheds a lot, so i just used to pick up the bits of fur and [...]

    Nov 4, 2007 at 7:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #122   Jodi Blaze

    After reading that, I think my English went down a few thousand points.

    “We don’t care when you have sex…..”

    Not that anyone should……

    Dec 4, 2007 at 7:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #123   lolz

    Huh, maybe he was Aboriginal? If so, then beware ;-) He might as well get a worse bed and then screek you to the death in the name of sustaining protected population ;-) Lolz…

    Dec 9, 2007 at 5:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #124   Guilty

    I actually did write a note just like this in college. The girl above me was dating a football player and it was a division 1 school, so he was a big boy.

    We had these horrible dorm room beds that were really like army cots.

    So I wrote her a note and slipped it under her door after the third night, when the ceiling banging didn’t work.

    I just told her to put the mattress on the floor to avoid the noise.

    Anyway, found out later that it was someone I knew from high school and that she got pregnant.

    I don’t feel bad about the note. If you’re doing the nasty, good for you! Just don’t make the rest of us listen to it!

    May 17, 2008 at 9:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #125   bobby

    I just hate it when crazy people come up with their own invented reasoning behind why other people do the things they do and it is never the most logical explanation.

    Jul 18, 2008 at 2:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #126   franger al fresco

    [...] in sydney says this note appeared in the shared dining room the day after the city’s gay mardi gras. [...]

    Jul 26, 2008 at 12:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #127   roadgrand

    Hasn’t anyone else had to deal with disgustingly loud neighbors? The neighbors that live below me have very loud sex every Tues, Friday, and sometimes Saturdays either in the afternoon or about 11pm. Then Sundays they do it at about 3am. It is so loud it sounds like they are trying to be loud because they saw it in a porno. I can’t have guests over sometimes (like my grandparents) because I know that if my neighbs start goin’ at it that my guests will be embarrassed and offended. I dread being woken up to that or trying to study for finals and hearing them scream and moan. It isn’t okay when you live in such close proximity to be so inconsiderate of your noise levels. That doesn’t change because the author of this note is illiterate! I finally got fed up at midterms last semester and when they were near the height of their frenzy I went downstairs and rang their bell. They were so shocked at the interruption that they didn’t even know what to say. I did- I told them that I could hear everything, as in everyTHING. They’ve been a lot quieter since.

    Oct 19, 2008 at 3:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #128   Kerri

    I’m aussie, and I reckon the notes are genuine, and written by someone in their 20s as few of the “older generation” use grammar like yr, and cos. “dear” – well that’s what a female would say, isn’t it? I definitely agree that playing some interesting sound effects would be great!

    Nov 11, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #129   AssLaughOff

    I don’t know which are funnier, the notes or your comments. Both are priceless. Great laughs!
    uhoh where’s my ass?

    Mar 14, 2009 at 5:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #130   Sarah

    Seriously I feel like the only person who’s on neighb’s side. I’ve been in that situation and it sucks. That’s disgusting–I don’t need to hear people bumping uglies at all hours like that. All things considered I think he/she was really nice about it.

    Apr 7, 2009 at 1:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #130.1   annaliesa bang

      wtf? You and Thai Aussie should rent a flat together and not have sex with each other forever.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 1:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #131   WendyB

    It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only person who deals with insane people. Because some days — like today — it feels that way.

    Jun 15, 2009 at 7:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #132   zombieBlanco bang

    Missing Lunch – please join us in the future. The future is where it’s at.

    Jun 29, 2009 at 11:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #133   annaliesa bang

    I would want to find out who this is just so I can go right up to them and tell them to go to hell. Oh and then be even louder when I am having good sex time.

    Jul 21, 2009 at 1:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #134   annaliesa bang

    I’ve been woken up by neighbs having sex and as funny/mildly disturbing it is to imagine what they are doing exactly, I wouldn’t dream of saying anything cause sex is AWESOME and its often noisy if you are doing it right! :)

    Jul 21, 2009 at 1:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #135   autoauctions

    It sounds like you’re creating problems yourself by trying to solve this issue instead of looking at why their is a problem in the first place

    Sep 11, 2009 at 8:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #136   euphemisms of disturb |

    [...] related: down and dirty down under (dear) [...]

    Dec 2, 2009 at 8:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #137   Pair facing charges after drug bust in eastern N.L. | ECSTASY

    [...] e.g. ecstasy Image by passiveaggressivenotes See all the notes and get the backstory here:…; Pssst! We’re on Twitter! And Facebook! [...]

    Jul 4, 2011 at 2:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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