when our saga begins, our anonymous submitter’s girlfriend was living in a tiny apartment in sydney, australia. due to space constraints, she was temporarily sleeping on what our submitter admits was “possibly one of the world’s shittiest sofabeds.”
but while the mailbox notes were presumably written first (based on the tone) they weren’t actually discovered until after a third note was slipped under the apartment door…
mortified, our loving couple did, in fact, move their mattress to the floor. but that didn’t seem to placate their dear nameless neighb, who pinned this note to the the building’s common noticeboard…
“ironically,” our submitter says, “it was found when we were moving out the horrible couch.”
related: visual aids always help
133 responses so far ↓
#1
WanderingPenguin
Holy Mother of God.
This absolutely reeks of crazy. Small consolation: at least it looks like the pen is running out by the last note so maybe there won’t be any more.
I can’t believe these asswads put the last note on the PUBLIC BOARD! Surely there has to be some way to take them to court for this?
Also, I used to think the official language of Australia was ENGLISH. Now I really have no idea what it is!
Thanks, Terry! That Ecstasy was glarble fitxmrl whee!
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:52 am rating: +5
#2
cre8tivewmn
Great set of notes. Neighb seems a little envious, especially in the last note.
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:52 am rating: +3
#3
Al Hanso
Submitter love his girlfriend long time.
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:53 am rating: +2
#4
WanderingPenguin
Also…if yr going 2 abbrev “neighbour” maybe “nayb” might B better than “neighb”.
I think I’m cross-eyed now from reading these.
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:54 am rating: +2
#5
anna-banana
Hilarious!
Oct 12, 2007 at 8:55 am rating: 0
#6
mealzebub
I hate you, neighb.
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:07 am rating: +1
#7
RevZeke
Yr bed springs get fucking delicious, but have been for because drug eg: ECSTASY
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:10 am rating: 0
#8
heisa
what wrong with people / we like drug eg: ECSTASY!!! me talk pretty one day dear, yr neighb
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:12 am rating: +1
#9
Mover of Bastard Couches
Neighb also watched the whole couch-moving process from the balcony.
I hate you too, Neighb.
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:15 am rating: +3
#10
Adam Amato
YR Neighb was fucking delicious!
This is some of the most illiterate shit I think i’ve ever read.
Kudos to the Aussie educational system, if this is a product o Australian education, the whole of the public school system needs to be dragged into the street and shot.
I will give the benefit of doubt though. Maybe writing a note at two thirty she disregarded spelling mistakes.
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:18 am rating: +1
#11
Katy
Wow…the english language is still in use right? Geez it sounds like those notes were written by 3 year olds…
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:21 am rating: +3
#12
T-Bone
Oh, I love these notes. I want to clutch them to my face and shed a tear of gratitude.
So many angles to think of! Let’s see…
First, me thinkee writer from other part of Pacific Rim– Thailand maybe?
Second, Australian parlance– so jokey and friendly, even when deadly. It sounds as if they’re all having a pint while saying, well, anything at all! It’s fantastic.
Third, ThaiAussie sounds like a complete nutjob. I’m enjoying all the drug recommendations and condemnations mentioned in these notes- viagra, ecstacy. Perhaps some thorazine should be employed as well; for the notewriter, that is.
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:40 am rating: +1
#13
thedawd
This one time in band camp i had a room mate with a good sex life and a vocal partner, then one night while i am listening to the moany part of my life’s soundtrack crash! pitter patter pitter patter. There is my room mate with in a towel asking me if i can help him fix his bed. Upstairs i go and see that he had kicked the toe board off his water bed. Trying to ignore the toweled nekid lady patiently waiting for us he pushed the bladder up so i could screw on the toe board again. Then i went back downstairs and continued to enjoy the moany soundtrack of my life.
Go team ESL!
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:41 am rating: +1
#14
Leslie
When my neighb hears noises coming from my apartment, she just grins at me the next morning.
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:41 am rating: +1
#15
Kim
Were these written by an LOLcat?
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:44 am rating: +9
#16
GhostWriter
The Neighb secretly wants to hear the future sex love sounds. But he feels guilty, so afterwards he tears off a note to the neighbors full of false umbrage. Then he sits atop a step ladder, pants around his ankles, ear pressed to the ceiling, hoping they ignore him yet again!
Oct 12, 2007 at 9:46 am rating: 0
#17
WanderingPenguin
Wait…people have sex….at BAND CAMP???!
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:07 am rating: 0
#18
thedawd
i didn’t.
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:18 am rating: 0
#19
WanderingPenguin
Me neither.
Wait…erm…I mean, I never went.
*whistles tunelessly*
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:19 am rating: 0
#20
dawn
Team People Who Think You Should “Get It Up & [Be] Done With It” Are Sad
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:31 am rating: 0
#21
Fraulein N
Hee, Team ESL! This person is obviously the same individual responsible for every bizarrely worded spam message ever.
Funny how the noise isn’t bothering any of the other “neighbs.” Methinks ESL doth protest too much.
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:46 am rating: +4
#22
lauralaiwc
good god. did these people beat their chest and do a dance to the rain gods after this? my brain hurts after trying to interprit that. what a bunch of morons.
i feel bad for the poor couple who now have been publicaly humiliated by this asshat.
being the way that i am, i would continue having loud, noisy, raunchy, ecstacy sex, but add in disturbing sound effects (you can find them online!)…like, shattering glass, car horns, bleating goats, sizzling frying food, the popping of bubble wrap, the sound of duct tape ripping off the roll…oh wait, that last one could be fun.
you get the idea.
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:47 am rating: +4
#23
gbgirl
Did anyone notice the stains on the first note?
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:56 am rating: +3
#24
In Which Links For A Friday Sent You Spiralling Into the Atmosphere « This Recording
[...] Crazy notes in red ink. (Passive-Aggressive Notes) [...]
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:58 am rating: 0
#25
Denagh
Lauralaiwe you rock! That is an awesome idea!
And to the freaky perv counting how many times these poor ppl are haveing sex..GET A DAMN LIFE! Or at the least a 50 euro hooker and a fistfull of ecstasy!
Oct 12, 2007 at 10:59 am rating: 0
#26
Sarah
Team “GLAD U HAVE GREAT SEX Life” - they should have ended the note right there. Part of polite society is politely ignore loud sex sounds coming through the walls and floor. Get some earplugs.
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:10 am rating: 0
#27
crystal
If I ever get a complaint like that I’m stealing Lauralaiwe’s idea.
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:13 am rating: +1
#28
Juliet
Good call, post # 15.
The spelling is very good considering how poor the grammar is, though.
These notes are hilarious!
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:17 am rating: 0
#29
lola
The note-writer is in desperate need of good sex.
I should know.
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:17 am rating: +1
#30
WanderingPenguin
WE R IN UR FLOORBORADS HEARIN UR SEXXY NOIZEZ!!!!!!111111 WE CAN HAS SEXXY 2????!!111 kbai!!!1111!!
Hmm. Kim might be on to something, at that!
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:26 am rating: 0
#31
Team Cassandra
Well, now I’m just jealous;p
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:36 am rating: 0
#32
Mover of Bastard Couches
GBGirl: the stains are pretty boring - they’re water damage from where they were pulled out of the mailbox. Alas.
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:37 am rating: 0
#33
Life With Buck
@gb girl: Yes on the stains. I was both repulsed and fascinated at the same time.
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:38 am rating: 0
#34
pry
six times in two hours??? you win!
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:38 am rating: +1
#35
Gadget
2 hour marathons, horrible grammar, red pen……oh my! Then throw in the duct tape concept from lauralaiwc …….. One of my favorites yet here.
Comments 16 & 19 rock!
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:39 am rating: 0
#36
Wade
#28
lola, I was thinking the same thing. All the notes say “we”. I wonder if the neighb is starting to feel a little…”inadequate”.
Oct 12, 2007 at 11:43 am rating: 0
#37
lauralaiwc
another fun thing, i have a pair of costume thigh-high black vinyl boots and a whip that i used for a catwoman costume. one night after some…fun activity…that had neighbors banging on the wall telling me to shut up (i was new to apartment living, ok?) i made sure to have both boots and whip in hand when walking by their door. and yes, they saw my props.
no complaints after that. hah.
Oct 12, 2007 at 12:10 pm rating: +1
#38
claw71
So let’s see, the girl lives in a crappy apartment with junky furniture and stud muffin doesn’t have the presence of mind to invite her to his place or spring for a motel.
I guess everybody in this melee leaves a lot to be desired.
The note writes is clearly insane. I thought the education system in the States was bad but this series of notes reveals some pretty frightening shortcomings in Australia.
As for sex noises, there are some people who are much louder than they need to be. I think this is because they are overcompensating.
Team long, slow strokes.
Oct 12, 2007 at 12:11 pm rating: 0
#39
thedawd
i wonder if something like this is happening
http://xkcd.com/316/
Oct 12, 2007 at 12:25 pm rating: 0
#40
MissHoneychurch
Kim, kill me.
As a neighb to many, I don’t care about the late night moaning or bed squeaking. It’s the one-sided moaning that makes me raise a brow. Shut the bathroom window when you’re jerking it in the shower, Mr. Flying Solo in Apartment 3.
Oct 12, 2007 at 12:39 pm rating: 0
#41
DP
I don’t think it’s fair to blame the Aussie educational system for this one. Based on the general syntax of some of those lines, I agree with #12 that these must be written by an immigrant from an East Asian country.
Oct 12, 2007 at 12:57 pm rating: +1
#42
lauralaiwc
by crikey.
whoever it is…just needs to go away…
and seriously, there are plenty of brilliant people in this world that may have not had the best in educational opportunities. i think someone lacking “smarts” may, in many circumstances, just be too lazy to LEARN anything.
so….anyway…
this notewriter should bang their own didgeridoo (ok, i cant spell this, so im citing an example of laziness because i dont care to research it) to the sex noises. oh yeah. audible material.
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:11 pm rating: 0
#43
Ali D
maybe crazy cat lady Yolanda should teach this poor mother f’er a lesson in spelling/grammar/use of commas. He’s already gotten the “marker” memo
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:23 pm rating: 0
#44
T-Bone
Claw! Shame on you! The Mover of Bastard Couches moved the offending couch. I say hooray! He beeeeeeeeeg studmuffin him. Six time two hour too craw. I likee your idee of long slow too.
PANdemic Fridays. I love us.
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:27 pm rating: 0
#45
sarah
I think I’m on team ‘get it up and done with’ only b/c I used to live in a duplex and almost every night at 2am you could hear the neighbors moaning/shrieking and the bed springs squeaking and banging against the wall. It was annoying to be woken up to that. (It almost sounded fake)
Sex is great but seriously the neighbors don’t want to hear it.
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:40 pm rating: 0
#46
lauralaiwc
yeah…theres a certain level of consideration i gues you have to have, just its hard to be quiet sometimes, lol. but i guess people could move it to the living room or kitchen or something instead of the bedroom. nothing like being awakened by that.
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:46 pm rating: 0
#47
agirlie
What is wrong with shower sex when you KNOW that you have a crappy noisy sofa bed? Or do it in the kitchen or anywhere except in a room above or below where people are sleeping? I know it’s just easier to wake up and do it REALLY loud in bed, but make it interesting.
One set of neighbors next to us would fight one day and make up the next. They did both loud enough that the cops were called frequently by the neighbor who lived beneath them(I think). I was so happy to move out of there.
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:51 pm rating: 0
#48
Wade
Team Insulated Walls
Oct 12, 2007 at 1:53 pm rating: +1
#49
e
what confuses me is they moved the mattress to the floor and continued to have complaints?! My god man, what were they doing??
Oct 12, 2007 at 2:01 pm rating: 0
#50
Michelle
I’m sorry but I live in an apartment below some very sexually active seniors and it is the most obnoxious thing ever to hear the freakin’ springs squeak all night. And my five year old daughter sleeps with me, and I’ve DREADED having to explain to her wtf all that noise is about.
Oct 12, 2007 at 2:11 pm rating: +1
#51
claw71
If somebody is making too much noise while their having sex just knock on their door and ask them if you can join in. If you really want to have an impact do it in the nude so they think you’re serious.
Michelle: If you mean seniors as in college students that’s hot. If you mean seniors as in “honey, did I leave my teeth in your panties?” …ICK!
Oct 12, 2007 at 2:40 pm rating: +1
#52
Wade
I like the progression in the notes:
1. Glad U have great sex…
2. We don’t care when U have sex..
3. We don’t care how many times/day U have sex…
4. If you sleep often get disturb (not so glad) especially like last night between 1-3 am (do care when) caused by sex marathon 6 times/2 hrs (do care how many times/day).
this is teh awesome, lol!!
Oct 12, 2007 at 2:41 pm rating: 0
#53
Juliet
“Honey, did I leave your teeth in my panties?” LOL!
Team Yay Seniors (sorry Michelle it must be awful to hear but I hope I still can give’r when I’m a senior. )
Oct 12, 2007 at 2:58 pm rating: 0
#54
Juliet
Oops I meant “Honey, did I leave MY teeth in your panties?”
What I first wrote raises some disturbing possibilities. *shudder*
Oct 12, 2007 at 3:00