those troublemakers requesting more crazy apartment notes can thank our anonymous submitter, a GM at a property management firm in springfield, missouri for today’s masterpiece. “one of our resident managers delivered this letter to 115 units at her property, then e-mailed me a copy because she was REALLY proud of it,” our submitter writes. “i got halfway through and realized i had to send it to you.”
now, for the complaints…
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!
173 responses so far ↓
#1 Patty O. Furniture
I guarantee she was a hall monitor in middle school.
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:26 pm rating: 0
#2 caclark4
I love the miscellaneous capitalization throughout. I’m going to decorate my apartment for the holidays with the trash, pet droppings, and small children that are always just laying around!
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:31 pm rating: +3
#3 Wade
Sweet monkey fritters!
I suppose if you spend all your time collecting pet feces and returning them to their owners, there is just not enough time left to make real improvements, lol
Oh, and how the hell do you color Christmas?
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:37 pm rating: 0
#4 Wade
“There may be more suprises That everyone will enjoy”
What, like eviction notices?
It’s a trap!!
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:38 pm rating: +2
#5 Cat Skyfire
Wow. Living in an apartment area, I can truly understand the management’s challenge. I’ve one neighbor that has had an untagged car since they moved here. And any apartment dweller knows the joys of other tenants who treat everything like their own personal dumpster.
That said… If you are management, before you post anything, make sure it looks good. Strange grammar and oddly placed capitals don’t inspire respect.
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:42 pm rating: 0
#6 southern girl
Take your kids, pets and roaches to Doggie Daycare!
This is not the Ghetto people!
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:42 pm rating: +1
#7 Canthz_B
Sure sounds like one hell of a ghetto to me…flying cans, trash bags and cigarette butts?
Yeeeeesh!
But those cars on blocks are delicious!
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:45 pm rating: 0
#8 Mishee
Wow… well, ummm… wow… I don’t even know WHERE to start!!
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:47 pm rating: 0
#9 Canthz_B
Hey Wade…We always had a “Colored” Christmas! LOL
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:47 pm rating: 0
#10 Wade
ROFL!!
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:49 pm rating: 0
#11 Wade
but I must say I really enjoy stomping loud music.
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:52 pm rating: 0
#12 Canthz_B
What did you think I was dreaming of? ROTFLMAO
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:52 pm rating: 0
#13 hamtax
The random capitalization angers me. Greatly.
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:54 pm rating: +1
#14 Canthz_B
But let us be serious, do NOT leave your trash in front of your door.
Put in front of the neighbor’s door!
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:55 pm rating: +1
#15 raiseyourglass
I wonder what kind of doormat she has?
Oct 15, 2007 at 10:57 pm rating: 0
#16 Wade
I see there is no reference to drunkfests. At least folks in Missouri, unlike South Carolina, can hold their liquor.
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:03 pm rating: 0
#17 Canthz_B
#16, Wade, But apparently not their roaches or “ghetto” behavior sadly. One would think that good people would behave better than “them”.
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:11 pm rating: 0
#18 Wade
i’m with ya, C-B
although using the phrase “again this no the ghetto” doesn’t really advance her point, lol
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:18 pm rating: 0
#19 kels
i think i used to live there….i got sent a notice once for loitering(sp?) in the parking lot, talking to a neighbor, on my way back in, apparently chatty neighbors also make the complex look ghetto…i think she wants people to live there without the actual appearance of people living there
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:19 pm rating: +1
#20 Wade
kels
i guess it’s easier to manage a complex if everyone stays locked inside with their kids, pets, roaches and fleas.
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:23 pm rating: +1
#21 Troy McClure
Springfield, was it? Great town.
Oh my fucking big bang and evolution. This letter is a linguistic lolly scramble. I love “You vehicle will be towed”, though I would prefer it repunctuated as “You, vehicle, will be towed!”
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:30 pm rating: 0
#22 P-A Satan
And I like “Bring them down to me so I can meet them.”
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:31 pm rating: 0
#23 Team Cassandra
Well, its nice to be back:)
There WILL be a Christmas decorating contest.
Capisce?
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:35 pm rating: +1
#24 Mike
Guess none of you ever lived in an apartment complex. Living there is not a right. Why would you want to live like that? Being lived in doesnt mean trashed. No one believes in picking up after themselves anymore? Would hate to see what you live in.
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:37 pm rating: 0
#25 Team Cassandra
Also, the idea that you have to “grow up” to get out of the ghetto suggests to me that this is, in fact, a ghetto. And she’s tryna get them all out.
It looks like a lot of work.
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:37 pm rating: 0
#26 BoggyWoggy
The note would have read so much better if the writer had said,
“OK, everyone, let’s join hands and make this world a better place! JImmy, you take parking lot detail. If you see anyone throwing debris from their car windows, politely pick it up and say,’Oops. Excuse me, Miss. I think you dropped something.”
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:39 pm rating: 0
#27 Mike
Age or “growing up” has nothing to do with living in the ghetto. Common sense. Sorry but very P&A on this topic. Lived in many complexes where no one gave a damn. I pay rent, therefore I can do whatever I want. Doesnt cut it.
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:42 pm rating: 0
#28 Andy
Hrmph. I’m not an “anonymous commenter”. I’m me.
Anyhoo, I Love the Weird capitalizations, and the looooong list of issues, with such nice editorial comments.
This is why I’d never want to own rental real estate. Or live in an apartment complex again. Or live anywhere near an apartment complex again.
I love the last part — a nice thing about Christmas and more surprises to come. How lovely, Ghetto Christmas. Your presents will be lying next to the dumpster disguised as garbage. Whee!
I love these long notes. I like to think that they’re lovingly crafted in an overnight rush of creativity. The fact that it was emailed proudly says it all. Bravo!
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:42 pm rating: 0
#29 Team Cassandra
Sorry - I meant “grow up” because “this is no a ghetto” because, well you know - you dream of growing up and getting out of the ghetto and…
aw man. i blew it again. that’s why i make those lists.
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:46 pm rating: 0
#30 Jo
OK. As a newspaper editor, I find the random capitalization and lack of punctuation irritating enough. But this person made the mistake that I hate the most. To quote Ross from “Friends”:
“Y-o-u-’-r-e is ‘you are.’ Y-o-u-r is YOUR!”
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:48 pm rating: 0
#31 Timmsterr
Wow, this sounds like the best apartment complex ever!!! Flying trash, nasty little cigerette butt sand throwing kids and the manager being the poster person for “Huked on fonics Werkd fer me!!!
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
#32 WanderingPenguin
Actually, that wasn’t the major mistake, Jo. They kept leaving the “r” off “YOUR”. I was wondering if the damn key was broken on their keyboard. Also, what the hell are they typing the note on to get random initial capitals? A cell phone? HMOG that note was almost impossible to read.
I really enjoyed “Mike” reading that riotous submission and deciding the appropriate comment to make was to scold the commenters for …. well, actually I don’t know WHAT he was scolding us for. We think that note is hysterical, ergo we live in heaps of garbage? Quite a leap of logic, no?
And I have no idea why this is, but even among all the ridiculous typos in this note the thing that made me laugh out loud was right at the end: “The [sic] will be a 1st, 2nd and third place winners.” The random ordinal number style just killed me.
Team This No The Ghetto FTW!
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:00 am rating: 0
#33 morpho aurora
wow. rAndoM CapitalizatION, abuse of punctuation, and confusing you’re grammar.
somebody just got excited all over her keyboard!
but there WILL be a Christmas decorating contest and a christmas coloring of different age groups!
“and there are just may be more surprises”
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:07 am rating: +1
#34 Katy
#9 <<- ROFLMAO
Yeah, if you’re going to inundate all the residents with your crazy memo but English isn’t your first language (or it is, but you’re retarded), then have someone check it. No one respects an idiot.
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:09 am rating: +2
#35 Timmsterr
How utterly Delicious!!!!!!
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:10 am rating: 0
#36 Wry Exchange
Again, Take care of you kids, this no the ghetto. She printed and delivered this to 115 apartments, counting violations as she went. I bet her follow-up notice will be fabulous.
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:14 am rating: 0
#37 Spiderflowers
I believe that James Brown has a song called, “Santa Clause Go Straight to the Ghetto”. Maybe someone should play that song really loudly outside the crazy lady’s office.
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:15 am rating: 0
#38 sunlotus
this WAS the best Christmas present i could hope for! how can i even thank your?
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:39 am rating: +1
#39 sunlotus
…and i can’t wait for the contest…hmmm, what age group will i be coloring…?
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:42 am rating: 0
#40 T-Bone
Good God almighty. Who the fuck are these people?!?
Oct 16, 2007 at 12:48 am rating: 0
#41 pot still shiner
Ahhh, yes! The crown jewel of all business memoranda: “Cable & internet is still in process”…not still in PROGRESS, mind you, nor in the process of being completed.
Team “I’m trying to sound smarter than I really am!”
115 people are raping and killing me. Thank you Terry!
Oct 16, 2007 at 1:00 am rating: 0
#42 Troy McClure
Yeah, Mike, the apartment complex couldn’t be more of an eyesore than this letter. She’s fighting fire with a flamethrower here.
Oct 16, 2007 at 1:02 am rating: 0
#43 lola
As others have said, in what way is this not the ghetto?
It sounds like our first apartment - between the weekly police searches of our shrubs to the broken beer bottles thrown off balconies - it was as ghetto as Iowa gets!
Oct 16, 2007 at 1:04 am rating: 0
#44 Canthz_B
Much as I hate to be serious (LOL) I must agree with Mike #27, Projects are built brand new, no one from the suburbs comes in to dump trash and spray graffiti.
Oct 16, 2007 at 1:45 am rating: 0
#45 Canthz_B
#32 W-P, what is “HMOG”?
Thanx
Oct 16, 2007 at 1:50 am rating: +1
#46 todd
holy mother of god?
Oct 16, 2007 at 1:58 am rating: 0
#47 Canthz_B
OK…thanx todd
Oct 16, 2007 at 2:00 am rating: 0
#48 Dj Tenn.
God this woman is scary, I can see her on her hands and knees in kabuki face mask scrubbing the bathroom floor like Faye Dunaway in “Mommie Dearest”.
On other hand , she does have a point, although she is kinda racist and crazy. Its not just “the ghetto ” where people live trashy , white folks in trailer parks is just as bad. Dont matter though, you can still have nothing and be clean & use common sense.
Sounds like this is a timeshare condo type thing & not a perm. residence dwelling. she is the female version of Jack Nicholson in “The Shining” who lives there year round.
“Bring your pets , so I can meet them.”
Yes, MY Queen at ONCE!”
Oct 16, 2007 at 2:33 am rating: 0
#49 Low Quality Scanner
If you have balances You need
to get them taken care of ASAP
Dumpster them now!
That’s the Way how
to be mentally unbalanced, like me
Oct 16, 2007 at 2:55 am rating: 0
#50 carmelo-rules
stupid roaches should start paying rent, that way the people will stop complaining about them!
Oct 16, 2007 at 4:20 am rating: +1
#51 crystal
I don’t know about where she lives but in my previous apartment complex if we left furniture in the dumpster we were fined for it.
Only household trash was allowed in there, furinture and such was collected once a month for bulk pick up.
She also seems oblivious to the fact that roaches don’t care if your apartment is clean or not. The bastards can live off a peice of cardboard for a month, why would they leave just because you tidied up a bit?
MANDITORY SHOCK COLLARS FOR ALL STAY AT HOME DOGS! Because god forbid you disturb the s.o.b who’s watching ‘their stories’ at ten in the morning. Also, the idea of this person crouching in the bushes to pick up abandoned poop amuses me for some warped reason. Even if she does return the poo, she still lost that battle.
“And there are just maybe more surprizes everyone will enjoy.”
Like new management?
One can only hope!
Oct 16, 2007 at 6:40 am rating: +2
#52 Wade
rofl Mikey
yeah, i’ve lived in my share of apartments and know all about it. in fact, my sister is an asst. apt manager - and if she sent out a note like that i would disown her.
it’s not about the behavior that prompted the note, but the crazy in the note itself, lol
Team Pull That Stick Out Before You Sneeze Splinters.
Oct 16, 2007 at 7:28 am rating: +1
#53 Wade
crystal
every apt i lived in would have to fumigate all the units in a bldg at one time, or the roaches just run from one apt to the other - regardless of how clean you kept it.
I thought the same thing about the shock collars. I would be really surprised if that was in the lease agreement.
Oct 16, 2007 at 7:32 am rating: 0
#54 Sophie
All pretty reasonable points in isolation. But too put SO MANY items on one notice is just dumb.
By the time I had got to the end I had forgotten most of them. All I remembered was,
‘Just Don’t…’
Silly and innefective.
Oct 16, 2007 at 7:35 am rating: 0
#55 Saporro
I think her “Christmas surprise” will be a big lump of coal.
Oct 16, 2007 at 7:55 am rating: +2
#56 bintgoddess
At least it wasn’t “Bring your pets so I can meat them.”
I’ve seen the “your to (adjective)” atrocity so many times that when I see “you’re too (adjective)” it looks wrong. That makes me sad.
Oct 16, 2007 at 8:12 am rating: +1
#57 Team Cassandra
#44 C_B I know I’m *always* disagreeing with you (I don’t mean it in a bad way) but you actually raised one of my biggest issues.
I live near the club/shopping district and suburbanites DO come down here and trash the place. Every weekend and every time some special event is going on - like Nascar or a Ball Game or whatever.
It makes me really upset sometimes and I’ll actually say to really bad offenders:
“Hey - we don’t come to *your* neighborhood and wreck the joint, do we? Please don’t throw up on my doorstep…”
Off-topic here, I guess, but a hot button for me, fersure.
Oct 16, 2007 at 8:15 am rating: 0
#58 the GM
The best part is that it is a nice complex! We never see problems when we visit, apparently it all happens in the middle of the night and magically disappears when we show up. Equally surprising is that no one has called to complain. Had I sent this to another one of our complexes, people would have FLIPPED.
Team Why Do I Still Work Here?
Oct 16, 2007 at 9:25 am rating: 0
#59 Katzndogz
Team punctuation! She leaves periods off the ends of some sentences so that she can put them in the middle of others. Wow.
I think if I had to be an apartment manager, I’d be crazy within a month.
Oct 16, 2007 at 9:29 am rating: 0
#60 the sos
so glad i don’t live in an apartment complex anymore. mainly so i don’t have to read poorly written letters like this from middle school educated egomaniacs with big hair and gaudy nails…
Oct 16, 2007 at 9:56 am rating: +1
#61 Lorina
I think Your all abunch of Rich people To rich to understand what it like to live in a Place that everyone acts like a Ghetto. Team Resident Manager.
Oct 16, 2007 at 10:06 am rating: 0
#62 From the lovely burg
Hey, GM, any chance you want to give me a hint of the location of this complex so I can avoid it like the plague?
Oct 16, 2007 at 10:17 am rating: 0
#63 caclark4
LOL…I can identify with you GM. I have really nice neighbors for the most part but people keep walking through my patio. This continued to happen even once I put a chair blocking one entrance-they just step over it. Now I’m the crazy lady who has to go out once a day and ask someone to stop walking through my patio. I’m going to put string up at ankle length to trip people and throw water on the patio to ice it over…nothing PA about that! lmao
Oct 16, 2007 at 10:19 am rating: +1
#64 sea