this delightful note comes to us from the wilds of suburban orange county, california. “there is a door at my school (a private college) that is constantly propped open,” explains amy, a grad student. “up until yesterday, the note on the door said, ‘please close door.’ i have NO idea about the microwave burning, or what the note writer has against skateboarders.”
adds amy: “how does one burn a microwave, anyway? maybe they put one microwave inside of another microwave?”
reddit!
stumble it!
183 responses so far ↓
#1 Al Hanso
The rats, possoms, birds, lizzards, rabbits, vagrants, thieves and local skateboarders were fucking delicious.
Oct 18, 2007 at 8:46 am rating: 0
#2 Mishee
Rats, possoms, birds, lizards, and rabbits… Oh MY!
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:03 am rating: 0
#3 PD7
aluminum foil, staples, paper clips, etc… will all burn a microwave
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:07 am rating: 0
#4 heisa
ooooo, reverse psychology.
though it does make me happy that the note was not 1) handwritten nor 2) created with ALL CAPS TIMES NEW ROMAN.
Team Arial.
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:07 am rating: 0
#5 Susan
Loved it!! This HAS to be one of the better notes! I especially enjoyed the “additional tuition fees” comment.
Extra points for writing style - while reading it, you can “hear” the smart-ass exasperation.
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:10 am rating: 0
#6 dawn
A private and, one assumes, expensive college, and they can’t even spell “‘possum” correctly? Definitely “no one’s getting smarter” here.
Team Let the Thieves and Skateboarders Come Out and Play!
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:16 am rating: 0
#7 dawn
And because I have too much time on my hands this morning and, thanks to this post title, I now have a great song stuck in my head:
By the time you hear the ‘plosion,
It’s already too late
One crawls on all fours and the other has a tail
One guy’s wasted and the other’s makin’ haste
It goes down the same as the thousand before
No one’s getting smarter
No one’s closing the door
The never-ending spree of meth and thievery and skate
I’m at the end of my rope
End of my rope
End of my -
Hey! Man, you disrespecting me?
Keep ‘em out!
You gotta keep’em separated
Hey! Man, you talkin’ back to me?
Keep ‘em out!
You gotta keep’em separated
Hey, don’t pay no mind
If tuition goes up, I don’t want to hear you whine
Hey, [don't] come out and play!
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#8 T-Bone
How to burn stuff in microwave:
Take a bagel. Put it in the microwave for what you think is 10 seconds, but is actually 10 minutes. Hit start. Call a friend. Forget about bagel in microwave. Smell horrible burning odor. Remember bagel in microwave. Run into kitchen and see black smoke seeping out of microwave vents. Hang up on friend. Fearfully open microwave door. See sizzling little carbon rock, formerly bagel, on microwave tray. Consider possibility of making diamonds from bagels in kitchen.
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:41 am rating: +1
#9 the dawd
This one time at band camp i tried to microwave two grapes and one pickle. Ooohh sparkly.
Down with team reverse psychology!
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:46 am rating: 0
#10 H
team “thank you for your assistance”
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:49 am rating: 0
#11 Wade
#6
dawn - and let’s not forget liZZard, lol
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:49 am rating: 0
#12 Jacinda
those possums were fucking delicious.
esp. when i burned them in the microwave while riding my skateboard!
i love the thinly veiled threat of higher tuition at the bottom.
classic.
Oct 18, 2007 at 9:58 am rating: 0
#13 Wade
I used to work at a private college. The tuition fees will go up whether the microwave is burned or not.
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:06 am rating: 0
#14 HappyNat
I think they should spend the tuition dollars on getting rid of the the apparnetly rampent wildlife before they spend in on microwaves.
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:21 am rating: +1
#15 Kate
Dawn #7, you rock!
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:25 am rating: 0
#16 Sharona
I know possums and rats will raid trash cans, but really, are rabbits wandering the halls? Hopping out of the path of the oncoming skaters? If so, why is that a problem? It sounds adorable.
13 Wade, you have the right of it, I think.
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:29 am rating: 0
#17 todd
of course! as opposed to FOREIGN skateboarders.
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:34 am rating: 0
#18 Wade
Next on “The O.C”
After being suspended from Brown University, Summer enrolls in a private college at home, and continues her animal activism by propping the door open and letting the wildlife reclaim their habitat.
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:38 am rating: +1
#19 Mitsu
What I don’t get, is how these private college people don’t know how to spell possum and lizard. Rabbits are cute, they should be allowed in, though.
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:39 am rating: 0
#20 WanderingPenguin
I agree with Mitsu: if you are attending a private college where they apparently do not teach English, perhaps you should be reviewing exactly why you are attending in the first place.
I was wondering if “Added Tuition Fees Should Cover It” is an acronym I am not familiar with, due to the capitalizing of the first letters? ATFSCI…. hmm, no, but it might become the new “NAMBLA”.
Team ATFSCI FTW!
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:55 am rating: 0
#21 Nattie
I like the carefully considered formatting, nice use of bold and underlined. 8/10, must work on spelling.
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:55 am rating: 0
#22 Vagrant, Thief and Skateboarder
I don’t like to burn up your microwave ovens, but I just can’t help myself!
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:57 am rating: 0
#23 WanderingPenguin
BTW, aren’t “Vagrants” “Thieves” and “Skateboarders” all the same thing?
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:59 am rating: 0
#24 Juliet
Nice one Mishee! I also agree with Susan. You can just hear the exasperation.
I am still trying to work out what happened with the microwave ovens. Were skateboarders, vagrants and thieves heating up their lunches in them? Were they being stolen?
I guess the wilds of suburbia Orange County are wild!
Oct 18, 2007 at 10:59 am rating: 0
#25 WanderingPenguin
I have an even better question: where on earth is that door leading to? Why are there microwave ovens back there but you are (apparently) not allowed to have a mug of coffee in there? Doesn’t that partial sign look like a cup ‘n’ saucer with a line through it? Weird….
Maybe if they put a sign with various forms of wildlife and skateboarders, etc. with a line through it… it would solve the problem?
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:02 am rating: +1
#26 Mr DeBakey
Nothings wrecks a microwave faster
than trying to cook up
a couple of possums & a rabbit at the same time
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:07 am rating: 0
#27 KarenLW
I live in Orange County.
The possum roadkill is f’n delish…..oh, don’t make me go there.
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:08 am rating: 0
#28 Juliet
#25 - Nice one. I guess, like possums, rabbits, lizards, etc. that vagrants and skateboarders and thieves can’t read!
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:13 am rating: 0
#29 lauralaiwc
the lack of a comma or some sort of punctuation after rabits bothers the crud out of me too.
“liZZards, and rabbits” would be grand.
this note does delight me though .and i love the brightly colored double layer of paper.
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:14 am rating: 0
#30 WanderingPenguin
I think it’s punctuated perfectly, lauralai, but then the last time I opined that one of these notes was typographically sound it turned out I was completely wrong (crazy cat lady) so…what the hell do I know?
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:24 am rating: 0
#31 Team Cassandra
Skateboarders, rabbits and rats! O my!
Skateboarders, rabbits and rats! O my!
I’m off to write a note now!
I’m a wonderful wizard of notes…
Because because because because because
Because that’s what a PA person does…
I’m off to write some notes now!
I’m a wonderful wizard of notes!
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:25 am rating: 0
#32 WanderingPenguin
Thanks, Juliet. When I first looked at it I thought it was a door to a cafeteria or lunch room, but then I noticed the tip of the “strike-through line”. Weird…
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:25 am rating: 0
#33 Spiderflowers
I wonder if the note writer is speaking out of paranoia or past experience.
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:30 am rating: 0
#34 Troy McClure
#7: Awesome!
#16 & #19: At my uni, there are rabbits roaming the campus. I don’t think they come inside, but it’s still very cute. Like Tellytubbies minus the creepy.
#20: Not fair! Only two errors, and if there’s anything frequenting this site should teach us all is to be satisfied, nay, impressed, with less. In comparison to most of the notes, this one should win composition awards.
This reminds me of a rather moronic thing at my work though. We’re in a newish building, maybe a year & a half old, & for the sake of the airconditioning we’re supposed to keep the door from the stairwell to the corridor closed. No one ever does, & I think a lot of the reason is that the sign telling us we’re supposed to is on the back of the door, & invisible when the door is open!
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:36 am rating: 0
#35 WanderingPenguin
Here’s a thought: is it possible that there was nothing misspelled on that note and rather than being wild animals, “Rat”, “Lizzard” etc. are actually the surnames of some of the students who attend that college?
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:37 am rating: 0
#36 claw71
We used to leave our dorm doors propped open so skanky local girls could get in. Who says you can’t find fresh crabs in Marietta, Ohio?
As for the burnt microwave ovens I would be inclined to think it was the vagrants trying to cook up a batch of o’possum.
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:38 am rating: 0
#37 WanderingPenguin
Troy, I can’t imagine ever being “satisfied with less” if I am paying out of pocket for the “privilege”.
I loved the story of your work, though.
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:39 am rating: 0
#38 WanderingPenguin
Would that be Seamus O’Possum?
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:40 am rating: 0
#39 Mitsu
Wandering Penguin: that could be true, I didn’t think of that, but wouldn’t some of the students be skateboarders? That’s what a lot of upper-middle class kids do!
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:42 am rating: 0
#40 Mishee
wow, Team Cass took my comment and ran with it brilliantly… I feel even more special than when she noticed me on yesterday’s post! I’m movin’ up in the world! Thank YOU Terry!!
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:42 am rating: 0
#41 Andy
Well, you know that vagrants are always looking for somewhere to microwave their frozen pot pies. You know, the ones they take out of their freezer they carry on their backs.
Oh, OC, please keep the O and C in “Oh, you so crazy!”
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:44 am rating: 0
#42 claw71
To the tune of Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves…
I stayed in a dorm where the microwave burned
We were going to college but never could learn When the door was left open things came in
And forced them to raise our college tution
Vagrants, Rats and Thieves
With the skateboarders who lived in town
Lizards, Birds and Thieves
They’d sneak at at night when the possum came around
and burned the microwave down.
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:51 am rating: 0
#43 WanderingPenguin
Mitsu, perhaps the students don’t skateboard “locally”.
Good lord. A Cher reference (#42). My day is complete.
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:54 am rating: 0
#44 Huh?
If various rats, “possoms”, birds, “lizzards” and rabbits know how to turn the microwave on, they are likely sitting in on classes. Maybe admin could charge them tuition?
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:59 am rating: 0
#45 Jon
o.O are they heating the school using microwave ovens? if so maybe that’s why the heating bills, and tuition, are so expensive…
Oct 18, 2007 at 12:33 pm rating: 0
#46 eric the beehivehairdresser
I enjoy the open door policy. When I’m skateboarding the college campus and feel that hunger inside I just whip out some hot pockets, place them in the microwave, and voila, snack.
btw, the rabbits stopped using the microwave months ago, they should be excluded from all future notes.
Oct 18, 2007 at 12:41 pm rating: 0
#47 Saporro
At my college, each dorm ‘pod’ (as i call it) had its own laundry room and kitchen. each of the doors (including the dorm rooms) opened to the outside - thus why i never cooked in the kitchen, all the dirt, trash, vegrants, etc were in the kitchen.
Im still for Team ATFSCI , because mircowaves dont pay for themselves.
Oct 18, 2007 at 12:42 pm rating: 0
#48 Troy McClure
Mishee & TC, this got me out of bed again! Same movie:
Somewhere over the threshold
Right inside
There’s a room that I’ve heard of
Where I can heat my pie
Somewhere over the threshold
Rabbits pooh,
Bird eat ‘lizzards’ and rats,
And vagrants spew
One day I’ll pay a thousand bucks per week to go to school in California
I’d better learn to spell before I go coz what you don’t know already, they can’t learn ya
Somewhere over the threshold
Skateboards fly
Notes are smug and sarcastic
Thanks for your assistance, my eye!
Oct 18, 2007 at 12:43 pm rating: 0
#49 Team Cassandra
Yay! We should mount it (way off-Broadway):
The Wizard of Notes!
The Passive-Aggressive Musical…
Starring:
Terry as the Wizard
Anthony Grosso as The Cowardly Lion
Jesus as The Tin Man
The Heisa Monster as The Scarecrow
and featuring…
Rene Hall as Dorothy!
I’m so excited!
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:02 pm rating: 0
#50 Team Cassandra
Wait - who would be the Wicked Witch and Glenda?
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:03 pm rating: 0
#51 Canthz_B
The ACLU has filed suit on behalf of the wildlife’s right to equal access to the microwave oven.
They declined to represent the skateboarders.
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:05 pm rating: 0
#52 dawn
Bwahaha! Good job, claw #42 (I was just thinking of that song myself) and Troy #48! I heart PAN commenters.
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:09 pm rating: 0
#53 dawn
TC: Yolanda, aka Crazy Cat Lady, would of course be the Wicked Witch.
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:10 pm rating: 0
#54 Mishee
Glenda would probably be one of those drunk southern belles…
and eric, where did you get those Hot Pockets? Do you have a receipt? There have been a rash of Hot Pocket disappearances at offices around the globe…. you are now Suspect Number One!
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:23 pm rating: 0
#55 zen velo
#8 T Bone, you left out the last step:
leave bagel in microwave, and blame it on a vagrant.
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:31 pm rating: 0
#56 Mishee
Troy, your singing voice is just so beautiful! I remember hearing it before in such films as: “Muttonchops” (A one-man musical tribute to the great thinkers of the 19th Century.), “Trucks” (as Rod, the happy-go-lucky fire engine), and of course your theatrical performance in the Now Classic “Stop the Planet of the Apes : I Want To Get Off!”.
(God these posts are making my day - I just love getting to go through that list I have!!)
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:31 pm rating: 0
#57 Mishee
“Locker Room Towel Fights : The Blinding of Larry Driscoll”
That one has had me chuckling since my crack up last night!! ROFLMAO!
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:33 pm rating: 0
#58 mere
now THIS is truly a passive aggressive note!
riiiiight ON!
now, those skateboarding lizards are a problem…
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:50 pm rating: 0
#59 Chris
How many microwaves do you need? I think that is why tuition is going up - to many f-ing microwaves.
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:51 pm rating: 0
#60 carmelo-rules
maybe they should change the name from dorm to homeless shelter and wildlife refuge! or change it to a church, the hall of the eternal burning microwave!!!!!!
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:02 pm rating: 0
#61 GhostWriter
…just a quick note from Accounting, umm, …uh, the tuition coffers don’t actually fund the microwave replacement and/or the pest elimination line items…
Uh, that would be the property and/or activity fees, right Sal?
(Sal’s the Head Accountant)
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:28 pm rating: 0
#62 Fraulein N
Well, at least now we know what happens when you follow through on a threat to padlock the microwave. Someone’ll come along and burn that mother down.
And by “someone” I mean skateboarders, of course. Vagrants and wildlife would poop on it. Thieves would (duh) steal it. I think it’s obvious skateboarders are the arsonists here.
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:33 pm rating: 0
#63 Jesus Christ
#49 - Way off Broadway? Or way off-off-off-off Broadway? Count me in as long as I get to wear a brightly colored coat. I’m an attention whore
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:36 pm rating: 0
#64 claw71
To cut down on cooking time one should preheat the microwave oven.
That’s also why the Polish chef got fired.
But hey, the black chef tried to sell it in the back alley. The Puerto Rican chef kept reupholstering it with shag carpeting. The Italian chef wouldn’t use it because he thought it was tapped and the Mexican chef tried to smuggle his family over the border in it.
The Chinese chef got angry because he kept punching order numbers into it but nothing came out. I pless 73 but get no Kung Pao Chicken
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:36 pm rating: 0
#65 lauralaiwc
#30, i think there needs to at least be some sepperation between “rabbits “and “along”. and im pretty sure the thing about needing a coma aftr rabbits is correct as well.
this note give me a strange mental image, alice in wonderland-esque, of these wild forest creatures playing with the vagrants and skateboarders by burning the microwave.
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:40 pm rating: 0
#66 claw71
How do you tell the difference between vagrants, thieves, lizards, o’possum, rats, skateboarders and college students anyway?
I went to a good school and felt more comfortable around the people at the local plasma clinic than the freaks living in my dorm.
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:42 pm rating: 0