bradley in new york woke up yesterday to find this little love note from his girlfriend. (his explanation? “she’s a light sleeper.”) i feel her pain. if there’s a sound more irritating than a nokia ring tone, the pathetic “i’m dying” whine of an out-of-juice cell phone just might be it.
meanwhile, chris’s friend michelle doesn’t appreciate having her beauty rest disturbed, either…
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249 responses so far ↓
#1 Troy McClure
Good morning everyone!
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:48 am rating: +2
#2 Sloth
That cellphone battery was fucking delicious.
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:49 am rating: 0
#3 Troy McClure
Especially you Michelle!
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:49 am rating: 0
#4 Mishee
That totally sounds like notes I have written in the past… I would’ve signed it *Heart* Michelle also… I always sign all letters like that….
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:51 am rating: 0
#5 Troy McClure
But is that heart dripping blood?
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:52 am rating: 0
#6 Canthz_B
Not really morning folks…I’m just guessing here.
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:53 am rating: 0
#7 Wade
When
shittyjust doesn’t convey the right level of rage… ROFLOct 30, 2007 at 8:54 am rating: +1
#8 Canthz_B
I’ll beat the shit outta you with a heart balloon!
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:54 am rating: 0
#9 Canthz_B
Of course, if you had a smart fucking phone all would be well in the land.
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#10 Al Hanso
If you leave passive-aggressive notes for your boy/girlfriend there might be issues in that relationship. Just maybe. The second note does seem a little friendlier. Maybe it’s the heart.
I <3 you too, Michelle.
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#11 Troy McClure
I guess most people, had they written “shitty” & then decided that wasn’t strong enough, and then opted for “fucking”, wouldn’t deem it necessary to cross out the “shitty”. Would “shitty fucking” have been too strong? ‘Coz if it weren’t for that one sign of restraint, I’d've thought she was pretty pissed off.
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#12 Mishee
That’s what I figured it was CB - a heart balloon… just remember… those can kill…
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:57 am rating: 0
#13 Troy McClure
Ouch, Wade, you beat me to it!
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:57 am rating: 0
#14 Wade
I like the horizontal apostrophe in the second note.
no joke.
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:58 am rating: 0
#15 Mishee
Maybe she crossed
shittyout because she wanted to keep the “Fucking” theme that keeps popping up throughout the entire note…Shitty was just out of place in that note…
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:58 am rating: 0
#16 Troy McClure
It’s blasted sideways by the strength of her fury.
Oct 30, 2007 at 8:59 am rating: +1
#17 Canthz_B
That “woken” is fucking delicious!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:00 am rating: 0
#18 Canthz_B
Hypertension manifest in script?
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:02 am rating: 0
#19 Mishee
I was looking at that “woken” with a stink eye myself CB - but I didn’t want to get too nitpicky…
But since you brought it up….
*ugh*
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:02 am rating: 0
#20 Mishee
Just make sure to keep the TV REAL low….
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:03 am rating: 0
#21 Troy McClure
The phone beeps in the middle of the night
My girlfriend yells “the fucking charger’s here in plain sight,
Oh Bradley dear, you know you still number one,
But girls just wanna have sleep
Oh girls just wanna have sleep”
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:03 am rating: +1
#22 Mishee
LOL Troy, I can TOTALLY hear that to the right tune in my head… hee hee
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:04 am rating: 0
#23 Troy McClure
*ur* (or “you’re” if ur not lolcatz enuf)
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:04 am rating: 0
#24 Canthz_B
Put the TV on the floor and pump up the volume! LOL
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:05 am rating: 0
#25 Susan
I don’t think she wrote “fucking” enough - about 2 dozen more times would have been more effective!!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:11 am rating: 0
#26 Canthz_B
Should that not be “hooked up a fucking charger…”?
Where’s WP?
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:13 am rating: 0
#27 Troy McClure
CB & Mishee (I almost got away), what’s the trouble with “woken”? From wiktionary:
Verb form
woken
1. past participle of to wake
It doesn’t mention anything about its being British only. What would you have said instead? [time allowed: 10 hours]
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:15 am rating: 0
#28 Mishee
I don’t know, I guess it’s a word if you say so, but I don’t like the sound of that word!!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:18 am rating: 0
#29 Kevin
I think it’s true love.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:19 am rating: 0
#30 Canthz_B
Awakened
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:20 am rating: 0
#31 betty'sworry
I think the ‘woken’ is fine, but we use the past participle a lot more in the Commonwealth (true). Or maybe I’m missing something.
I don’t think she crossed out ’shitty’. The paper is just what she could grab in her fit of anger (look at it), and I think it already had that mark on it cos’ of the way it goes under the other writing? It just looks like she shittily crossed out ’shitty’. Might be wrong on that, too.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:21 am rating: 0
#32 Mishee
Thank you CB - I sat there staring at that part of the note for like, 3 minutes wishing it was awakened or ANYTHING but woken!!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:21 am rating: 0
#33 Canthz_B
As in, “I don’t want to be awakened before 9″
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:22 am rating: 0
#34 Mishee
Or even “Please do not wake me up until after 9″
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:23 am rating: 0
#35 betty'sworry
It’s a passive sentence. You could have I’m sick and tired of being awakened by… but woken sits better with me. You couldn’t have ‘wake’ in that form.
The pedant…
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:26 am rating: 0
#36 claw71
Bradley:
Why is she not your “former” girlfriend? Yeah, you’re a jerk for not plugging yoru phone in but this note is psychotic. RUN, dude.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am rating: 0
#37 Canthz_B
Perhaps it is the American English ear that “woken up” does not fit into well…humour us!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am rating: 0
#38 Patrick
Wow. I had no idea this was such a sore spot; I’ve been guilty of letting my not-quite-dead cell beep well into the wee hours of the morning because I can’t find the charger.
That said, if it’s RIGHT there…
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am rating: 0
#39 betty'sworry
The wookie got (a)-woken by the token beeping of Bradley’s phone.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am rating: 0
#40 mandi
he’s lucky she didn’t throw the phone. i would have. i throw my own phone if someone calls too early and i forget to shut the ringer off
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:28 am rating: 0
#41 Paul
ok…first of all I couldn’t help but notice that she used two pieces of tape to connect the paper and if you look at the way it was ripped….hmm.
Next, the decided lack of ANY punctuation what so ever. You can almost picture Jack Nicholson from The Shining in your head.
And Lastly, knowing that she was SO pissed off she attempted to write in block letters and vary the size of them, giving it that oh so psychotic feel. Not to mention that I don’t think the letter was written all at once. I’m guessing the top was first, the bottom came later. $10 says that if Bradley’s phone goes off again, Bradley wakes up staring at his pecker lying on the pillow next to him
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:29 am rating: 0
#42 betty'sworry
CB, sure, it’s just different usage. I could go into it, but there’s a note to discuss
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:29 am rating: 0
#43 betty'sworry
Paul, BUT no uneeded comma in the ‘its’! I thought ‘way to go’, but maybe you’re right - no punctuation at all.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:31 am rating: 0
#44 Mitsu
Holy crap! This is so true though, but I don’t write notes when my boyfriend’s dying phone wakes me, no, I just remove the battery!! Solves all the problems! (Because for me, writing a p/a note is just too complicated. I’m more aggressive than passive).
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#45 Mishee
Yeah, I agree with Paul. I think the top part was the first note, and then it was followed up and appended with the second one when Bradley didn’t get the gist the first time.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#46 Canthz_B
Put that damned seat down Brad or do not fucking sleep! I’m sick and fucking tired of falling ito the fucking bowl!!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:33 am rating: 0
#47 anna-banana
Bradley’s girlfriend is such a light sleeper?
Thank GOD she could sleep through that fucking barking dog way over in Iowa
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:34 am rating: 0
#48 Mitsu
yeah, the second piece of paper was definitely added later. I can see all the pent-up anger in that note.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:35 am rating: 0
#49 Canthz_B
betty’sworry, you worry too much.
I was trying to dismiss that frivolous point, not explore it. Lighten up, the day is young.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:37 am rating: 0
#50 anna-banana
I don’t think betty’s worried. Me thinks she’s sorry? “Sworry”—we used to say it like that when we were kids.
Which is it, betty, pray tell?
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:40 am rating: 0
#51 claw71
I can’t help but think about Hall and Oates:
She wakes up ready to fight
she’s mean and thinks she’s right
the beeping cell phone penetrates her door
seething and scribbling
she signs it with love but she’s ready for a war
Stop watching morning TV
Don’t make a sound when you go pee
the woman is nuts,
a crazy hag with a homicidal streak
What the hell is the matter?
You say you’re in love but she’s a fucking freak
Whoa here she comes
Watch out boy, you woke her up
Who here she comes
She’s a light sleeper
Whoa here she comes
Watch out boy, she’ll slice you up
Who here she comes
She’s a light sleeper.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:40 am rating: +1
#52 betty'sworry
Look up betty’s worry aka ‘the slab’, and you might find out…
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:41 am rating: 0
#53 Mishee
anna! good to see you!!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:41 am rating: 0
#54 Canthz_B
And the Grammy goes to…claw71!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:42 am rating: 0
#55 Mishee
betty is my grandma’s name. grandpa wanted to name my mama after her, but gma didn’t want confusion, so they named mama betsy.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:42 am rating: 0
#56 anglophile
Well, she has the charger RIGHT FUCKING HERE. Presumably she could find the phone due to its incredibly annoying beeping.
Why the hell doesn’t she just plug the phone in herself?
I suppose she has an EXCUSE of some sort.
On the second note, I have found people who really need sleep do not have the co-ordination, when awoken (that sit ok with you, Mishee?), to beat the shit out of anyone.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:44 am rating: 0
#57 claw71
A little Avril Lavigne could work too:
Why’d you go and make things so complicated
Charge your cell phone, at least when I’m menstruating
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:44 am rating: 0
#58 Mishee
#56 I beg to differ… I would awaken my old roommate and she would automatically go to hit me… it was like a pavlovian response! so I would use poles and throw stuff instead, so I could keep a safe distance!
She is actually the first person who came to mind when I read Michelle’s note…
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:45 am rating: 0
#59 Coke-aholic
Boy that lady is not a morning person, is she? And I have found that the scariest of these people always write in red ink. They both need anger management. In a big way.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:48 am rating: 0
#60 Canthz_B
Two peoples separated by a common language.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:50 am rating: 0
#61 Canthz_B
All advocacy kids get are markers.
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:51 am rating: 0
#62 anna-banana
You, too Mish…everyone!
Boy, those morning rants was fucking delicious!
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:55 am rating: 0
#63 Boo Boo
Mitsu, I would agree with you…but instead i just wake him up so i don’t have to leave the warm comfy covers….i make him get up and go plug in his phone….or save all from bein woken up…and plug it in before you go to sleep :p
Oct 30, 2007 at 9:58 am rating: 0
#64 Mishee
#61 CB - You get markers? All I got were crayolas! And only red, blue, and yellow!
Oct 30, 2007 at 10:01 am rating: 0
#65 anglophile
You got red, blue and yellow crayons, Mishee? All I got were brown, black and orange!
Oct 30, 2007 at 10:05 am rating: 0