wake me up? wham!

October 30th, 2007 · 249 comments

bradley in new york woke up yesterday to find this little love note from his girlfriend. (his explanation? “she’s a light sleeper.”) i feel her pain. if there’s a sound more irritating than a nokia ring tone, the pathetic “i’m dying” whine of an out-of-juice cell phone just might be it.

no excuse

meanwhile, chris’s friend michelle doesn’t appreciate having her beauty rest disturbed, either…

no joke

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FILED UNDER: cell phone · more aggressive than passive · new york · noise · not-so-veiled threats · san jose · sig o · signed with love

249 responses so far ↓

  • #1  Troy McClure

    Good morning everyone!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:48 am   rating: +2  

     
  • #2  Sloth

    That cellphone battery was fucking delicious.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:49 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #3  Troy McClure

    Especially you Michelle!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:49 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #4  Mishee

    That totally sounds like notes I have written in the past… I would’ve signed it *Heart* Michelle also… I always sign all letters like that….

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:51 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #5  Troy McClure

    But is that heart dripping blood?

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:52 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #6  Canthz_B

    Not really morning folks…I’m just guessing here.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:53 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #7  Wade

    When shitty just doesn’t convey the right level of rage… ROFL

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:54 am   rating: +1  

    • #7.1  compton

      ahah, but study the note dear Watson - I think the pen she first used ran out, causing her to scribble to get it restarted. I can almost hear her bleary-eyed cussing as does it too!

      Mar 15, 2008 at 7:29 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #8  Canthz_B

    I’ll beat the shit outta you with a heart balloon!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:54 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #9  Canthz_B

    Of course, if you had a smart fucking phone all would be well in the land.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:56 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #10  Al Hanso

    If you leave passive-aggressive notes for your boy/girlfriend there might be issues in that relationship. Just maybe. The second note does seem a little friendlier. Maybe it’s the heart.

    I <3 you too, Michelle.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:56 am   rating: 0  

    • #10.1  compton

      yeah maybe it’s the heart. Or the ‘I’ll beat the fucking shit out of you. No Joke.’ bit. =)

      Mar 15, 2008 at 7:31 am   rating: 0  

       
     
  • #11  Troy McClure

    I guess most people, had they written “shitty” & then decided that wasn’t strong enough, and then opted for “fucking”, wouldn’t deem it necessary to cross out the “shitty”. Would “shitty fucking” have been too strong? ‘Coz if it weren’t for that one sign of restraint, I’d've thought she was pretty pissed off.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:56 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #12  Mishee

    That’s what I figured it was CB - a heart balloon… just remember… those can kill…

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:57 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #13  Troy McClure

    Ouch, Wade, you beat me to it!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:57 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #14  Wade

    I like the horizontal apostrophe in the second note.

    no joke.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:58 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #15  Mishee

    Maybe she crossed shitty out because she wanted to keep the “Fucking” theme that keeps popping up throughout the entire note…

    Shitty was just out of place in that note…

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:58 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #16  Troy McClure

    It’s blasted sideways by the strength of her fury.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 8:59 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #17  Canthz_B

    That “woken” is fucking delicious!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:00 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #18  Canthz_B

    Hypertension manifest in script? :-)

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:02 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #19  Mishee

    I was looking at that “woken” with a stink eye myself CB - but I didn’t want to get too nitpicky…

    But since you brought it up….

    *ugh*

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:02 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #20  Mishee

    Just make sure to keep the TV REAL low….

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:03 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #21  Troy McClure

    The phone beeps in the middle of the night
    My girlfriend yells “the fucking charger’s here in plain sight,
    Oh Bradley dear, you know you still number one,
    But girls just wanna have sleep
    Oh girls just wanna have sleep”

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:03 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #22  Mishee

    LOL Troy, I can TOTALLY hear that to the right tune in my head… hee hee

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #23  Troy McClure

    *ur* (or “you’re” if ur not lolcatz enuf)

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #24  Canthz_B

    Put the TV on the floor and pump up the volume! LOL

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:05 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #25  Susan

    I don’t think she wrote “fucking” enough - about 2 dozen more times would have been more effective!! ;)

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:11 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #26  Canthz_B

    Should that not be “hooked up a fucking charger…”?
    Where’s WP?

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:13 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #27  Troy McClure

    CB & Mishee (I almost got away), what’s the trouble with “woken”? From wiktionary:

    Verb form
    woken
    1. past participle of to wake

    It doesn’t mention anything about its being British only. What would you have said instead? [time allowed: 10 hours]

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:15 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #28  Mishee

    I don’t know, I guess it’s a word if you say so, but I don’t like the sound of that word!!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:18 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #29  Kevin

    I think it’s true love.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:19 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #30  Canthz_B

    Awakened

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:20 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #31  betty'sworry

    I think the ‘woken’ is fine, but we use the past participle a lot more in the Commonwealth (true). Or maybe I’m missing something.

    I don’t think she crossed out ’shitty’. The paper is just what she could grab in her fit of anger (look at it), and I think it already had that mark on it cos’ of the way it goes under the other writing? It just looks like she shittily crossed out ’shitty’. Might be wrong on that, too.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #32  Mishee

    Thank you CB - I sat there staring at that part of the note for like, 3 minutes wishing it was awakened or ANYTHING but woken!!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #33  Canthz_B

    As in, “I don’t want to be awakened before 9″

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:22 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #34  Mishee

    Or even “Please do not wake me up until after 9″

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:23 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #35  betty'sworry

    It’s a passive sentence. You could have I’m sick and tired of being awakened by… but woken sits better with me. You couldn’t have ‘wake’ in that form.
    The pedant…

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:26 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #36  claw71

    Bradley:

    Why is she not your “former” girlfriend? Yeah, you’re a jerk for not plugging yoru phone in but this note is psychotic. RUN, dude.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #37  Canthz_B

    Perhaps it is the American English ear that “woken up” does not fit into well…humour us! :-)

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #38  Patrick

    Wow. I had no idea this was such a sore spot; I’ve been guilty of letting my not-quite-dead cell beep well into the wee hours of the morning because I can’t find the charger.

    That said, if it’s RIGHT there…

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #39  betty'sworry

    The wookie got (a)-woken by the token beeping of Bradley’s phone.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:27 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #40  mandi

    he’s lucky she didn’t throw the phone. i would have. i throw my own phone if someone calls too early and i forget to shut the ringer off

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:28 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #41  Paul

    ok…first of all I couldn’t help but notice that she used two pieces of tape to connect the paper and if you look at the way it was ripped….hmm.

    Next, the decided lack of ANY punctuation what so ever. You can almost picture Jack Nicholson from The Shining in your head.

    And Lastly, knowing that she was SO pissed off she attempted to write in block letters and vary the size of them, giving it that oh so psychotic feel. Not to mention that I don’t think the letter was written all at once. I’m guessing the top was first, the bottom came later. $10 says that if Bradley’s phone goes off again, Bradley wakes up staring at his pecker lying on the pillow next to him ;)

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:29 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #42  betty'sworry

    CB, sure, it’s just different usage. I could go into it, but there’s a note to discuss :-)

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:29 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #43  betty'sworry

    Paul, BUT no uneeded comma in the ‘its’! I thought ‘way to go’, but maybe you’re right - no punctuation at all.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:31 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #44  Mitsu

    Holy crap! This is so true though, but I don’t write notes when my boyfriend’s dying phone wakes me, no, I just remove the battery!! Solves all the problems! (Because for me, writing a p/a note is just too complicated. I’m more aggressive than passive).

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:32 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #45  Mishee

    Yeah, I agree with Paul. I think the top part was the first note, and then it was followed up and appended with the second one when Bradley didn’t get the gist the first time.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:32 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #46  Canthz_B

    Put that damned seat down Brad or do not fucking sleep! I’m sick and fucking tired of falling ito the fucking bowl!!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:33 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #47  anna-banana

    Bradley’s girlfriend is such a light sleeper?

    Thank GOD she could sleep through that fucking barking dog way over in Iowa

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:34 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #48  Mitsu

    yeah, the second piece of paper was definitely added later. I can see all the pent-up anger in that note.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:35 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #49  Canthz_B

    betty’sworry, you worry too much.
    I was trying to dismiss that frivolous point, not explore it. Lighten up, the day is young.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:37 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #50  anna-banana

    I don’t think betty’s worried. Me thinks she’s sorry? “Sworry”—we used to say it like that when we were kids.

    Which is it, betty, pray tell?

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:40 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #51  claw71

    I can’t help but think about Hall and Oates:

    She wakes up ready to fight
    she’s mean and thinks she’s right
    the beeping cell phone penetrates her door
    seething and scribbling
    she signs it with love but she’s ready for a war

    Stop watching morning TV
    Don’t make a sound when you go pee
    the woman is nuts,
    a crazy hag with a homicidal streak
    What the hell is the matter?
    You say you’re in love but she’s a fucking freak

    Whoa here she comes
    Watch out boy, you woke her up

    Who here she comes
    She’s a light sleeper

    Whoa here she comes
    Watch out boy, she’ll slice you up

    Who here she comes
    She’s a light sleeper.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:40 am   rating: +1  

     
  • #52  betty'sworry

    Look up betty’s worry aka ‘the slab’, and you might find out…

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #53  Mishee

    anna! good to see you!!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #54  Canthz_B

    And the Grammy goes to…claw71!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:42 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #55  Mishee

    betty is my grandma’s name. grandpa wanted to name my mama after her, but gma didn’t want confusion, so they named mama betsy.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:42 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #56  anglophile

    Well, she has the charger RIGHT FUCKING HERE. Presumably she could find the phone due to its incredibly annoying beeping.

    Why the hell doesn’t she just plug the phone in herself?

    I suppose she has an EXCUSE of some sort.

    On the second note, I have found people who really need sleep do not have the co-ordination, when awoken (that sit ok with you, Mishee?), to beat the shit out of anyone.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:44 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #57  claw71

    A little Avril Lavigne could work too:

    Why’d you go and make things so complicated
    Charge your cell phone, at least when I’m menstruating

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:44 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #58  Mishee

    #56 I beg to differ… I would awaken my old roommate and she would automatically go to hit me… it was like a pavlovian response! so I would use poles and throw stuff instead, so I could keep a safe distance!

    She is actually the first person who came to mind when I read Michelle’s note…

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:45 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #59  Coke-aholic

    Boy that lady is not a morning person, is she? And I have found that the scariest of these people always write in red ink. They both need anger management. In a big way.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:48 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #60  Canthz_B

    Two peoples separated by a common language. :-(

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #61  Canthz_B

    All advocacy kids get are markers.

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:51 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #62  anna-banana

    You, too Mish…everyone!

    Boy, those morning rants was fucking delicious!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:55 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #63  Boo Boo

    Mitsu, I would agree with you…but instead i just wake him up so i don’t have to leave the warm comfy covers….i make him get up and go plug in his phone….or save all from bein woken up…and plug it in before you go to sleep :p

    Oct 30, 2007 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #64  Mishee

    #61 CB - You get markers? All I got were crayolas! And only red, blue, and yellow!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 10:01 am   rating: 0  

     
  • #65  anglophile

    You got red, blue and yellow crayons, Mishee? All I got were brown, black and orange!

    Oct 30, 2007 at 10:05 am   rating: 0