Pumpkin with a death wish

October 31st, 2007 · 82 comments

Sarah in Richmond says this jack-o-lantern appeared just minutes ago near the stairs to her apartment. We’ll call this the “before” shot…

QUIT STOMPING

Stay tuned for the “after” photo: punkin stomped to bits by contrarian trick-or-treaters.

Happy Halloween, kids!

FILED UNDER: Halloween · neighbors · noise · Richmond


82 responses so far ↓

  • #1   CrpyticQ'sUrnAim

    They should’ve put a “fucking” in there. As in, “Quit fucking stomping.”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:06 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   InYourSleep

      Really? I thought “Quit stomping fucking” or “Qufuckingit stomfuckingping”sounded better.

      Oct 31, 2009 at 3:00 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   CrpyticQ'sUrnAim

    Yessss. First comment.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   CrpyticQ'sUrnAim

    Actually, I know this is the third one now. Before someone rakes me over the coals for it…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Gidgidonihah

    Team Pumpkin!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Amperage

    those pumpkins were fucking delicious

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Wade bang

    To be truly passive-aggressive, the pumpkin should be full of dog crap stolen from bettendorf, iowa.

    :)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:15 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Wade bang

    sorry, dog shit

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   GVI bang

    Was the pumpkin stomped on before and decided to come back to life?

    I can’t wait to see it after the lil mud smearing, espresso drinking, kids get to it.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Troy McClure bang

    Pumpkin hollowed out
    A plea for quiet shines forth
    Not for long, I fear

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Troy McClure bang

    Sarah in richmond, how are the middles of the Q and O suspended?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:51 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   HA!

      Good call TM, I’m curious, too!

      Dec 2, 2009 at 9:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   BoggyWoggy

    You want candy? Get a job!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Does the Heisa Monster come out on Halloween?

    I suspect toothpicks, Troy.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    What I wonder most is whether the pumpkin was prepared in advance or furiously hollowed out and carved this very evening.
    Those uppers were fucking delicious!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Troy McClure bang

    CB, your answer sounds just as absurd taken out of context as my question does! But yes I bet you’re right.

    I’d love to get a Heisa Monster costume. I can almost visualise it. I think he would be like those giant monsters in the Muppets, with long shaggy brown fur.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Julie

    What would you call the Ebenezer Scrooge of Halloween?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    I think her name s Candy Myass!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Or Gofa kyursilf?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Troy McClure bang

    Hal O’Humbug

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Horkin Chunks

    Anyone for carving an E at the end of quit? Doesn’t make all that much sense, but neither does quit stomping really.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Wade bang

    #15 Julie

    #11 may hold the answer to your question.

    :D

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Zoob

    damn i should do that for my asshole neighbors downstairs. :D

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Coke-aholic bang

    Hey Troy, lets try Shakespeare instead of that haiku-ing. I know that is not a word, nobody bitch at me for saying it.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Troy McClure bang

    Horkin, you wouldn’t be in Britain, by any chance? I grew up in Massachusetts, & used to hear “quit” for “stop” very often. E.g., my brother & I would tear around the house laughing (I can’t remember quite why; I’m so glad my kids are girls), & my mother would bellow “QUIT CRASHING!” I never hear that usage in the Antipodes.

    On the other hand, I cannot imagine anyone saying “QUITE STOMPING” without a London accent. Then it would alright (as long as the speaker were under 30).

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Mishee bang

    LOL Wade, you are SOOOOOO hilarious!!!!!! (actually)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Wade bang

    I just had a vision of the flaming pumpkin being hurled skyward by a trebuchet.

    That would truly be awesomeness.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    Boy, that was fast! :-)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    #25 I think the pumpkin is safe…only it’s carver could possiblythrow together a trebuchet on such short notice!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   morpho aurora bang

    it’s definitely noticeable, just more temptation than the lil creeps will be able to resist

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Troy McClure bang

    Great idea CaH! Um … you start.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   morpho aurora bang

    oops sorry unable

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Canthz_B bang

    A Smashing Pumpkins fan will take care of this matter shortly.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Mishee bang

    #30 M-A – you were actually right the first time… read it again! :D

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Mishee bang

    m_a goes to show us how paranoid some people have gotten about their sentences and spelling! correcting yourself to do it first and you didn’t even need to!! lol

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   morpho aurora bang

    i re-read and saw that instead of than, guess i need to take out my contacts and put my glasses on – and yeah i am a little paranoid about it, i wonder why? ;)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   A.A guy

    Halloween Scrooge? Gotta be Pat Robertson,but don’t tell him I said so(He scares me).

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   lola bang

    That gives me an idea to make a pumpkin that says:

    8:30 is NOT 7:00

    and then another that says:

    so fuck off

    I’m so sick of little a-holes coming up when our inside lights are on because “people just throw candy at the last kids of the night.” Oh yeah? Here’s your solitary miniature Snickers bar. Get the hell outta here.

    It’s been a long night…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   claw71 bang

    I carve pumpkins every year and I have to respect the effort. That’s a lot of work. If you’re going to be a prick do it with feeling.

    Still, I’d take a crap on the hemp welcome mat just to see if next year’s offering includes the word pooping. I don’t find feces particularly funny but the word poop and all of its variations still makes me smile.

    Let’s see if this asshole has the dexterity to carve three pumpkins:

    Quit Stomping

    No Pooping

    Stop banging my wife!

    I assume that his wife is getting some action on the side if this jerk is anal enough to carve notes like this into pumpkins. Even better: Stop pooping on my wife!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   RedHeather

    The Ebeneezer Scrooge of Halloween is

    [drumroll]

    Apartment Managers!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   A.A guy

    The apartment manager of the Robertson Hilton.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   agirlie

    Hmmm, a pumpkin that doesn’t like STOMP, delicious, bwahaha

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Katy

    That pumpkin was asking for it. hehe

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Paul

    I think the funniest part of this is the light on the wall coming from the carving. It actually looks like a ghost.

    Three cheers for the “Last great act of defiance” on the part of a pumpkin.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 7:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Mitsu bang

    That has got to be the coolest pumpkin ever! I like the work put into it. SWEET!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 8:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   WanderingPenguin bang

    I agree with GVI – this only really makes sense to me if the pumpkin had been stomped once already. Unless they just mean don’t tread so heavily on their echoing, wooden stairs?

    Can’t wait for the “after” shot!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 8:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   FickleGal

    I don’t find this to be passive aggressive. It’s more of a rumble between carver and stomper waiting to happen.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 8:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   WanderingPenguin bang

    *sigh*

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Wade bang

    I know, WP, I know…

    :P

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Katzndogz bang

    You are right, FickleGal, it would have been way more passive-aggressive to open the door and yell at the kids to quit stomping. Oh wait, that would be aggressive-aggressive. Now I’m confused. Putting a pumpkin sign out instead of confronting the kids is not a passive way to express your aggressive thoughts?

    I don’t know how to feel about this. The whole meaning of life has been turned upside down. Black is white. Left is right. Gas is liquid. Nothing makes sense any more!!! Aaaaaaugh!!!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   FickleGal

    I would have put out a sign that said: “All non-stompers will be given a shot of espresso and a free puppy.” I probably wouldn’t come through with the puppy part though.

    Oh well, that way they learn that life isn’t fair.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   WanderingPenguin bang

    I can’t think of anything more P/A than carved fruit implicitly (but not explicitly) threatening harm if you ignore its request.

    Perhaps if the pumpkin had read, “Ok, whatever. Go ahead and stomp. I’ll just sit here and take it.”

    That would have been one Great Pumpkin. :)

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Troy McClure bang

    If so it be that Coke-aholic hate
    That noble verse of Orient, haiku,
    That damsel then may pleaséd be to wait
    For sonnets from the land of kangaroo.

    The Limerick of Eire hath some appeal
    Some comic rhythm and intrinsic fun
    That maketh some with merriment to squeal
    Though no rhym’d metre pleaseth ev’ryone.

    To make a song of previous renown
    Rewrit with words of jocularity
    Doth seem to give some gentlemen a frown
    Though I am took with great hilarity.

    These sonnets are not easy and I might
    Not very fucking many of them write.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   WickedLady

    Troy – Hilarious rhyme! Although it’s not really a sonnet. A sonnet starts with two verses of four sentences and then two verses of three sentences.

    And about the O and Q, that’s the magic of Halloween. :)

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   Writer, Rejected

    Who would spend their time writing a sick message on a pumpkin? That just seems beyond crazy. I wonder if they roasted the seeds or just put them all slippery and wet on the front steps for the kids to slip on….?

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Mishee bang

    I don’t know why everyone assumes that QUIT STOMPING is a sick or threatening message? It sounds more like a REQUEST to me… Now, QUIT STOMPING OR I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU (esp if you wake me before 9) – Now, that is threatening!

    God, you act like you have never been threatened before!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   HendrixIsTheCat

    #51 is an English (Shakespearean) sonnet, and quite a sonnet at that! The octave and sestet is an Italian (Petrarchan) sonnet.

    See kids? Be cool, stay in school.

    and I want follow up on this post! Did the jack-o-lantern survive?

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Katzndogz bang

    See, part of me wants to think that the person is just joking – pretending to be a Halloween version of Scrooge. If so, the joke fell flat. It seems more whiny that grouchy. I’d have been more likely to laugh at “Git offa my lawn” especially if it were an apartment complex as that seems to be. In fact, I kinda want to do that next year, but I’d wonder if some humorless parents took me seriously.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Mishee bang

    For all you know, this poor little old lady has been spending a better part of her October buying, gutting, carving cute faces, and putting her pumpkins out just to be smashed by horrible little devil children (comon, everyone knows they exist!) each night… this could be her 9th or 10th punkin!

    Just playing devil’s advocate I guess…
    We need more backstory!

    Troy – excellent sonnet – The Bard couldn’t have done any better himself… it was fucking delicious! :D

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   Wade bang

    Well done, Troy.

    Pumpkin stomping reminds me of another act of childish vandalism – snowman destruction.

    When I was a kid, the teenagers in our neighborhood in Tacoma used to run over our snowmen with their bicycles.

    I noticed that our next door neighbor had some cannonballs welded to a pyramid. So I went over and build the cutiest little snow gnome over them. When I went out the next morning, I saw bicycle tracks in the snow leading up to it… and lots of displaced snow on the other side of it. :D

    So I guess I got in touch with my passive aggressive side early in life.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:12 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   Juliet bang

    I live below Captain Chaos and Thunderfoot. Captain Chaos sounds like he has trouble staying upright and he falls over a lot. He’s like, 10! If you can’t stand up when you’re 10, there’s problems.

    Thunderfoot is a 4 year old. Thunderfoot never seems to leave the house and is completely incapable of walking. Thunderfoot stomps his way through life. The dishes in my cupboard rattle, and I have to straighten my pictures on the wall. Saturday morning – hell! I have spoken to Thunderfoot’s care-givers about the insane am0unt of noise Thunderfoot makes, more than once, and apparently they are deaf or stupid because Thunderfoot persists uninterrupted in his stomping.

    I want to move but my fiance is against it. If you have kids incapable of walking, but stomp, don’t take the upstairs suite. If I’d known about Thunderfoot, I wouldn’t have moved in.

    I wish I could have left such a pumpkin for the adults looking after Captain Chaos, but especially for Thunderfoot. Seriously – QUIT STOMPING!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   Katzndogz bang

    That is such a beautiful story, Wade, that tears are welling in my eyes.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Katzndogz bang

    Juliet, I lived for a year in a second floor apartment with a four year old and spent so much time admonishing her not to jump around that it drove me crazy. One of the happiest moments of my life (and I’m sure the downstairs neighbor’s) was when I moved to a townhouse.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Coke-aholic bang

    Troy, thank you so much. You have made my day with that. And it was pretty good! I thought you said you didn’t read Shakespeare?

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   WickedLady

    Pumpkins are fun! I’ve tried to carve a pumpkin once. It was supposed to be a cat, but it ended up as Quasimodo. I also painted one with blue hair on the kitchen door a few months ago.

    Oh, and about the sonnet. I had never heard of those types before. My teacher’s completely fixated on the fact that it’s supposed to be like I said before and in “NO OTHER WAY OR I’LL KILL YOU!” I should mention that she’s also a bit odd..

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   WickedLady

    To stomp, or not to stomp…

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   Paul

    Stomp and closer and the Pumpkin get’s it!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   Mishee bang

    Wade, was it just the cutiest gnome ever!? LOL! :D

    Nov 1, 2007 at 11:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   WanderingPenguin bang

    I think I saw Wade’s story as a vignette on Robot Chicken, except instead of a snowman made over a cannonball pyramid it was a huge pile of leaves raked over a fire hydrant so that when the neighbourhood idiot jumped into the freshly-raked pile he knocked himself into a coma.

    I wonder if they did it that way just so they wouldn’t have to pay royalties to Wade? The bastards. :(

    Nov 1, 2007 at 12:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   Jon

    i love this; hate when people just stomp on your pumpkins!

    and yea, to make it passive aggressive it shouldnt say anything but have a pile of dog *droppings* in it.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 12:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   WanderingPenguin bang

    Troy, my post about this was eaten by the Heisa monster so I will say it again: that sonnet was fuc…erm, absolutely brilliant. :)

    Nov 1, 2007 at 1:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   amazon

    What? I was hoping to wake up this morning to a picture of a smashed pumpkin! I’m very disappointed in the neighborhood hooligans. *tsk tsk*

    Nov 1, 2007 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #71   Wade bang

    Thanks for the alert, WP. I must have missed that episode. A snarky note to Seth Green will be forthcoming.

    Maybe I should hire a graduate of the law school being discussed one thread over… I hear the price is right.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 2:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #72   Wade bang

    Here’s a link to a stomped pumpkin:

    http://www.maniacworld.com/pumpkin-carving-3.jpg

    Oh, wait… that’s a smashed pumpkin, lol.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 3:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #73   Troy McClure bang

    Why thank you very much, really, you’re all just too kind.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 6:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #74   Me

    # 49
    than you’ll have a bunch of hyper kids stomping on pumkins all over the place and they’ll come back for your’s because they didn’t give you a puppy…I’d much rather have pumkin guts all over the stairs so when some stomper comes stomping they slip to the bottom of the stairs…That’ll teach them

    Nov 2, 2007 at 1:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #75   Wade bang

    #73

    Beware adulation, Troy, lest “reality” rear its ugly head, muttering, “Sic transit gloria mundi”.

    :D

    Nov 2, 2007 at 6:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #76   Troy McClure bang

    Even siccer, gloria interneti.

    Nov 2, 2007 at 8:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #77   mmm

    How the hell did they carve the “O” like that!?

    Jan 10, 2008 at 2:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #78   you were warned never to push carrie to the limits.

    [...] related: pumpkin with a death wish [...]

    Oct 29, 2008 at 7:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #79   and a happy halloween to you, too

    [...] related: pumpkin with a death wish [...]

    Oct 31, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #80   jerk-o-lanterns

    [...] related: pumpkin with a death wish [...]

    Oct 29, 2009 at 10:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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