The “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

October 31st, 2007 · 215 comments

My former roommate Eric inspired this roundup (and an overly dramatic round of gagging/hair-pulling/eye-gouging on my part) by passing along a photo of this sign spotted on Marco Island, Florida — though it could have been anywhere on Main Street, USA. (Note the small print at top, which reads: “Signs sold in our gift shop.”)

Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy

I think the only thing that could make this sign more irritating would be if it said — shudder — “expresso.” This sign must be stopped!

Unattended children will be given a cup of espresso and a free puppy

Unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy

We love kids, but please keep yours at your table! Unattended children will be given a shot of espresso and a free puppy. Thanks

Wandering children will be given a double espresso and a free puppy to take home! Thank you!

Children Left Unattended Will Be Given An Espresso And A Puppy

Unattended Children Will Be Given An Espresso And A Free Puppy

Children left unattended will be given an espresso and a Free Puppy

Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy

related: Unattended children will be shot

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · Florida · kids


215 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Troy McClure bang

    #1 Fur St!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Jeff

    Weird, I’ve never heard this before. I had no idea it was so ubiquitous. Maybe living in NYC, the kids here already have espresso and puppies that their parents gave them so the threat is empty.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:50 am   rating: 57  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Jeff

    Oh, and that espresso and puppy were fucking delicious.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:52 am   rating: 47  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   GhostWriter

    And that, my friend, is how those terrible Thai websites get their footage.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:53 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Katie

    What would happen if some clod actually INSISTED that their child get the free puppy?! This is my fear!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:55 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Jeff

    ^
    HA! I can see the waitress’s (is that correct?) face now “But… but… it’s just a folksy sign, ma’am. We don’t actually have any puppies here.” Chances are a parent who is shitty enough to let their child run wild would be just the person to do that.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:58 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Mishee bang

    Why the hell would someone take their child with them to a winery?

    Troy – your prayer to the PAN God was answered! Good job!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   heather em

      Um, my dad used to take us to wine tastings in the Napa Valley, where we’d wait in the car until he came out an hour or so later, and then on to the next. Good times. I’m sure he was probably amassing empty espresso cups and playing with puppies the whole time, too! Dammit.

      Feb 1, 2009 at 2:12 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   mirain

      I work at a a winery. Lots of people bring their (understandably bored) kids tasting. Sometimes they leave them in the car, but often they bring them inside to run around the tasting room disturbing other patrons and breaking things.

      Sep 18, 2009 at 10:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   ficklegal

    I’ll see your espresso/free puppy, and raise you a lifetime supply of pixie sticks.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:05 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   jfruh

    The one I’ve seen everywhere lately is a small jar labeled “ashes of problem customers.” Much more straightforwardly aggressive than p-a.

    (OK, by “everywhere” I mean “at a local vegan restaurant and at my chiropractor”, but the two locales are disparate enough to indicate a wide trend, yes?)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:08 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   hannibal

    Those unattended children were fucking delicious.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:13 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Mitsu bang

    I’ve seen this sign… It’s a horrible idea! Screaming kids are bad enough, do we really need to give them a shot of espresso? It would also be cruel to the puppy, to give him/her to a hyperactive child.

    Team Please Think of the Puppies!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:14 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Troy McClure bang

    Your daddy’s he’s around here
    But has wandered off somewhere
    I’ll teach him; would you like to choose
    A puppy? We have spare!
    And kids normally don’t drink them,
    But with sugar these are good
    Your parents need to learn
    A thing or two about parenthood

    One more cup of coffee and a dog
    One more cup of coffee and a dog
    And you can have it “to go”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:15 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Elphaba bang

    I’m with the change to a lifetime supply of pixie sticks. Much easier for a child to manage than a burning hot cup of espresso! All the same power to get them hyped up, but none of the 2nd degree burns. Think of the children!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   lism.

    Katie, that’s exactly what would happen in Scotland. “Ah know ma rights. Ahm goin tae the Record.”

    But, ugh, how hideously “quirky”.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   the dawd

    This one time in band camp, i was left unattended. My therapist would like it if i talked about the expresso and puppy more, but that puppy was fucking delicious.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Troy McClure bang

    Mishee, yeah, what timing! I think it must have been my abject obsequiosity; I think she likes that. (GhostWriter? Are you looking that up??)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Mishee bang

    #13 – Or even the childern

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Troy McClure bang

    Elphaba, I may remember you from such novels as Wicked. You’re the sexiest wrinkly green woman I know!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Mishee bang

    I love Wicked… I was so into that book I was reading it at stoplights….

    But I digest… back to the notes!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Jennie

      Elphaba is awesome, as is Wicked. I didn’t get to Mishee’s stoplight point, but I did read the book walking across a dark college campus alone… not the best idea.

      Jan 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   pry

    i was dangerously close to having submitted this very sign posted outside a downtown toy store. i’m glad i didn’t. i didn’t realize it was so unoriginal.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Mitsu bang

    hell, I could use an espresso and a puppy…time to steal it from the unattended child…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Strideo

    Oh come on!

    Isn’t anyone else as freaked out as I am by the fact that the first sign has a small head IN the espresso cup?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   the dawd

    I thought the first sign was in reference to the fucking delicious children. Its like the designer of the sign knew about us…creepy.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Troy McClure bang

    Mitsu, are puppies supposed to be “used”?

    Anyone can look like a child—think of Mugatu in the “Obey my Dog” scene—the trick is to act like a hyperactive child. For that, coffee helps.

    So all you need is a dog and coffee, and you could probably pull it off. Oh, hang on….

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GhostWriter

    Sorry- I had distracted my myself surfing some terrible Thai websites (for note research, of course)

    abject obsequiosity – “abject” as in light-reflecting, or white, and “obsequiosity” meaning, protruding sequoia-like wood.

    Hey, this is straight from http://www.m-w.com!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Troy McClure bang

    Madeup Words dot com?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   A.A guy

    The kid in the coffee cup has that “I’m in the middle of peeing in the pool” look on his face.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   T-Bone

    Other sign suggestions:

    If you can’t control your childern, they will be shot.

    We love kids, but if they act out, we will sell them into white slavery.

    Kids throwing a tantrum? Please take them and get the hell out of here.

    Today’s lunch special– Kidz-on-a-stick

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:59 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Troy McClure bang

    I think it was The Chocolate Fish in Wellington where I saw “uncontrolled children will be used in medical experiments”.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:07 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   A.A guy

    And the top two appear to be trying to shit their pants.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   KB

    Am I the only one who would be really excited by the concept of an espresso and a free puppy? I wish the offer was real, and that it was for unattended adults.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Troy McClure bang

    The third one presents the message as a “gardening tip”. I fail to see how puppies and coffee-drinking children will help your garden … unless … eew.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Deborah

    I should leave my daughter at one of these places for the day… and then take her and her accumulated puppies to my parents house… for like, the whole next year… *evil grin*

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Wade bang

    #21

    Now Mitsu, you know what happens when you steal from the children:

    http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/04/there-you-go-bringing-him-into-it-again/#more-174

    photo #3

    ;)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Wade bang

    if this double-posts, i apologize in advance (damn you, heisa monster!)

    #21

    Now Mitsu, you know what happens when you steal from the children:

    http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/04/there-you-go-bringing-him-into-it-again/#more-174

    ref. photo #3

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   T-Bone

    Troy– good suggestion.

    “After lunch, visit our latest exhibit– tantrum-throwing kids in formaldehyde-filled jars! Fun for the whole family.”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Katy

    I would like to quote StrongBad (for some reason)…

    “Wave o’ baaaabies!”
    “Children!!!!”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Wade bang

    #23

    Dawd – that would be sign number 5, where the children, espresso and puppies are listed on the Fine Food “Today’s Special”-type chalkboard.

    :P

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   FickleGal

    Maybe the two kids at the top are upset cause they weren’t chosen to be beheaded and dropped into the espresso.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Nightwalker

    I don’t seem to get it. Where is the threat in that? Is that a movie quote or something like that?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Katy

    Ahh, here we go…

    http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgs2.html
    http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgs6.html

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Centaurea

    Those overused memes were fucking delicious!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Mishee bang

    How can a place called “Blackjack Ranch – Vineyard & Winery” expect childern to be attended to for very long?

    I guess that’s why they have the sign; an unusually large number of childern wandering around doing tastings and doubling up on 11….

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Wade bang

    ahh, Katy.

    brings back memories of Trogdor, burninating the thatch roof cottages.

    good times, good times :D

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   WanderingPenguin bang

    That apostrophe and space in “TODAY’S FINE FOOD” were fucking delicious.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Wade bang

    The sixth photo looks like the cover of a passive-aggressive “I Spy” book.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Troy McClure bang

    Or the G & R in FINGERFOOD, maybe?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Troy McClure bang

    #43: That’s right Mishee. And threatening the parents isn’t solvang anything.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Wade bang

    And the kid in the eighth photo looks like he could use an espresso.

    wait! what is that in his hand? Is it an espresso cup, or something else that might have made him, er, “drowsy”.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   GhostWriter

    Dude! forget the expresson- feed those little kids the two hits of Labybug Acid from pic 6!

    They’ll be trippin’ OOOOUUUUUUUuuu…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Mitsu bang

    #34…True enough…too bad this offer wasn’t for adults. I’d like a cute little puppy and some coffee, please!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   jen

    Bwaaa. My mom has the last one in her small-town dress shop. She also has one that says, “Your husband called. He said to buy whatever you want.”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   Kim

    This sign is made of awesome. I hate when parents leave their brats unattended.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Wade bang

    I can’t decide which sign is the most P-A:

    The restaurant one(s) with Thank You at the end

    or the gardening tip one with Have a Nice Day in light blue ink.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   adriana

    wow, i hope this trend doesn’t continue, I would be forced to groan every time I saw a sign like that

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   GhostWriter

    Yahh, there’e this winery that has a sign, “Unattended Children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.” …and they DO IT! They ain’t kiddin’ around!

    So I bring my kid and leave him there for about five minutes. I come back, drink the coffee, grab my kid and the puppy- and head over to the Vietnamese Barbeque for a free lunch!

    They ain’t kiddn’ around either!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Wade bang

    omg, Solvang, CA!

    The Danish town. I remember going there as a kid.

    As I recall, I received neither espresso nor puppy.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   mere bang

    “unattended puppies will be given a free child.”
    or
    “puppies on espresso free to bratty child”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   WickedLady

    Haha, I must say I find this one quite adorable. If I was a kid and I saw that sign, I’d be begging my mom to leave me behind to receive a puppy. :) (And I think she would leave me, just to get a free puppy out of it.)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   Meredith

    A sign like this was posted in the waiting room of a funeral home…I found that especially amusing. It’s good to maintain a sense of humor in a time of sorrow and grief, I suppose.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   WanderingPenguin bang

    Wow – a funeral home/puppy mill/espresso bar. Talk about a small town! :)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Team Cassandra bang

    *I* would change it to a can of Coke and a box full of beads. Kids just won’t drink espresso…and anyone whose had a kid who likes beads will know what I’m talking about. You can always give a puppy away – the only way to find every last bead that kids bring home is first thing in the morning with your bare feet.

    Also, if my kid saw that sign she’d lose me in a half-second just to get that puppy. The cool thing is that she’d also bring the espresso to me:)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   Jen

    I think sign 5 would be more effective if they just left it as:
    Today’s fine food
    Wandering Children

    Oct 31, 2007 at 12:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   protocrone

    hey, don’t they give ADD kids uppers to calm them down? maybe that’s the plan with the espresso…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   Cole

    I went to a hair salon this past Saturday and saw the same sign in the waiting area. They’re all over the place!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   Brandon

    How about this:”Team You Are All Idiots”. I can’t believe how utterly stupid these comments are. For one thing, they are not even funny. For another, its the same thing over, and over, AND OVER. Everyone wants to be the first to say something is “fucking delicious”. Well have I got news for you idiots. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   Mishee bang

    Brandon’s rant (which none of us care about) was fucking delicious!!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #67.1   Kristen

      Good show.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #68   A.A guy

    I worked in a restaurant that had herds of charging wildebeast-type children. We had an ongoing “trip the little bastards” competition.Points were awarded for quantity,style,fall quality and length of time spent crying.We intended to take points away for getting busted,but no one ever did(I recall seeing a few suspicious”down children” in the vicinity of management)

    No animals were injured in the playing of this game.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   Team Cassandra bang

    Yay Brandon!

    We love you!

    But you lose. Sorry:)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   ijRoberts

    Aww, that’s too bad I didn’t know this thread was going up earlier, there’s one of these signs at a Deli that I go to a lot (Rose’s Deli on NW 23rd for you other Portlanders).

    I thought it was funny when I saw it, since that was the first time, but seeing all these others, I guess it’s kind of lost its charm…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #71   Wade bang

    Maybe Brandon designed the sign in photo #1.

    Or owns the gift shop where the sign is sold.

    Of maybe he is just cranky because someone stole the towel he uses to wipe btwn his legs.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #72   GhostWriter

    No one expected the Brandon Inquisition!

    He has two weapons; First, his fanatical lack of belief (in the the stupidity of the comments.) Second, it’s the same thing over, and over, AND OVER, and third, The news he gots for you idiots- …Three Weapons!!

    …and his fourth weapon- IT’S THE SAME DAMN THING OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #73   Wade bang

    and by “of” I, of course, mean “or”.

    :P

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #74   Wade bang

    GW – The Soft Cushions are too good for him, sez I. Bring out the Comfy Chair!!!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #75   A.A guy

    I hear the” scrape scrape ” of knives being sharpened.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #76   FickleGal

    *Team – Brandon is a tool!*

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #77   Katzndogz bang

    Let’s see, Brandon thinks that we are not funny and that we’re repeating ourselves.

    Well, Brandon, that may possibly be true. But, guess what?

    a. Your comment was not funny.
    b. You were repeating the same whining comment that we’ve seen many times before.

    If it makes you feel better, Brandon, think of it this way: There’s nothing new under the sun. (I just made that up)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #77.1   Kristen

      No… you just reworded an old saying because “there’s nothing you can now that isn’t known…”

      Everybody…

      “All you need is love… love… love is all you need.”

      Haha.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #78   Team Cassandra bang

    And that leaves GW in the lead for the Golden T!

    (especially because it starts with “He has two weapons…”)

    There’s something kinda special about that.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #79   Jen

    Team Brandon is a Tool – oh wait, someone already said that didn’t they

    Oct 31, 2007 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #80   Spreggels

    I don’t understand how this is more popular than the sign I came up with: “Unattended children will be given a Quaalude and a hearty buggering.”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #80.1   aradia

      I would so totally post that….

      Mar 7, 2009 at 5:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #81   WanderingPenguin bang

    Brandon strikes me as exactly the kind of child these signs were aimed at in the first place.

    BTW, the apostrophe missing from Brandon’s post was just as fucking delicious as the one from the sign earlier. What a tool.

    Amongst our weaponry….are such diverse elements as…. I’ll come in again. (stomp stomp stomp…slam)

    40 years later and Python still rules. :)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #82   WanderingPenguin bang

    Methinks Spreggels must be a church caretaker. ;)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #83   amazon

    Did anyone else notice that the last sign is a homemade rip-off of the third-to-last sign? The flowers are in the same position and everything! I bet that damn vineyard is the origin of this whole nightmare.

    p.s. People who say “expresso” should have a steaming cup of it thrown in their face.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #84   Cad

    #55

    The Manbearpig says…

    “GRROOOOAAAANNNN”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #85   SpaceMonkey

    The wittiest one I’ve seen-that I have yet to see everywhere else- is “Unattended children will be sold as slaves.”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #86   anglophile bang

    What should I do? Brandon doesn’t think I’m funny. I will be turning off my computer, pawning it and using the money to buy….

    Espressos and puppies for everyone!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #87   Wade bang

    Ohhhhh! This is why Brandon is so cranky!

    http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/20/i-think-its-going-to-be-a-long-long-time/

    Oct 31, 2007 at 2:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #88   the dawd

    This one time at band camp, brandon had a clarinet and was jealous of the flutist (sp?)

    Go team repetition is funny!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 3:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #89   Wade bang

    This gives me an idea for tonight – hand out espresso and puppies to the trick-or-treaters.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 3:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #90   WanderingPenguin bang

    Only if they show up unattended, Wade, I mean fair is fair. :)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 3:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #91   mike

    why the hell would you take your kids to blackjacks winery and bootsmith anyways…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 3:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #92   mike

    the second to last one doesnt look like a kid and what the fuck is he doing with his fly…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 3:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #93   Kimmers

    Am I losing it, or did there used to be a link on this site to an “embarassing confessions” kind of site?? I swear I looked at it yesterday and now it’s gone…

    Oct 31, 2007 at 3:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #94   Team Cassandra bang

    Wow. Can you imagine the streets full of unattended caffeinated, costumed children carrying bags of candy and chasing puppies?

    Now, that’s scary.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 3:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #95   SpaceMonkey

    Holy Ass Crackers. I posted after #92 -which, by my calculations, use of the word awakened, and math- should’ve made me post #93, but somehow it has migrated to post #85. WTH.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 4:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #96   WickedLady

    “Wandering penguins are given an espresso and a free puppy.”

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 5:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #97   The Webulator

    Great little place call the Britt Inn (www.zeuter.com/~lilbritt), located in Britt, Ontario that has the following on it’s menu:

    “”Kids? We try to serve them first and fast – please find out what they want and let us know. We have chicken fingers, of course, macaroni and cheese, pogos, grilled cheese, small soup, fish and chips with french fried or mash and a drink-$8.

    Noisy kids – fried liver, fried onions, broccoli with a side of olives – no ketchup – priced according to noise level.

    Polite kids – free ice cream.”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 5:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #98   ziggytosh

    This sign is a lie. I’ve left my toddler alone for hours in several of these establishments and I (he) did not get ONE SINGLE FREE PUPPY OR ESPRESSO. I call bullshit on this one.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 5:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #99   Mishee bang

    Wow SpaceMonkey, you are way in outer space aren’t you? You posted #95! LOL

    Oct 31, 2007 at 5:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #100   WickedLady

    At out local hardware store there’s a sign that says “Unattended children come back in pieces.” and I just LOVE that sign.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 5:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #101   OJ

    Hey, what did you do to the RSS feed?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 6:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #102   WickedLady

    I’ve been having trouble with the RSS feed too, unfortunately.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 6:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #103   WanderingPenguin bang

    re: #96 – Yay! I want an espresso and a free puppy! Thanks, Wicked Lady!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 6:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #104   Matt

    Unattended children will be fed to the heisa monster.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 6:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #105   Erinersss

    Espresso and puppies.
    It’s what’s for dinner.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 6:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #106   SpaceMonkey

    Mishee!- When I posted the first time, the post above mine was #92 and ended up being #85, my last post-before this one- was #9- whatever you said. I distinctly remember reading the comments of mike, WP, wade, the dawd, etc. It’s just weird.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 6:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #107   Mishee bang

    That is kinda weird… my bad (looks like you posted 10 posts apart then… lol)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 7:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #108   SpaceMonkey

    Who’s in outer space now? ;-)

    Oct 31, 2007 at 7:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #109   Wade bang

    SpaceMonkey

    I posted #34 and it vanished into cyberspace. I reposted and it was #34 for a while. After about ten minutes the original showed up, shoved the repost to #35 and took over the #34 spot.

    I think the combination of a link and a smiley freaks out the WordPress police and/or the PAN Spam Filter.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 7:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #110   SpaceMonkey

    but…. :-( ….I didnt USE any links or smileys

    Oct 31, 2007 at 7:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #111   Wade bang

    All I can say is the comment-eating heisa monster is a fickle beast.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #112   Naomi

    That is pure awesomeness. XD

    Oct 31, 2007 at 8:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #113   Horkin Chunks

    Give my kids an espresso and a puppy and they’ll lay waste to your crappy little shop. Then when they crash I’ll take them home & put them to bed. Oh and thanks for the puppy.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #114   Mishee bang

    #108 – I’m just a happy little stoner girl… known to make mistakes! Always in “outer space”

    LOL

    :) Happy Halloween Kiddos!

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #115   morpho aurora bang

    #85 (unless the numbers jump around again)
    space monkey – my mom had that sign at her house – the crazy neighbor saw it, got offended and quit sending her kids to play every day, all day

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #116   Bench

    Many years ago I saw a sign in a small record store:

    “Unattended children will be towed at owner’s expense”

    Oct 31, 2007 at 9:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #117   A.A guy

    I have a trunk fullof unattended children.They don’t seem to be making much noise though.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #118   Mishee bang

    Did you drill holes for air AA??? OMG! You forgot to do that!?

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #119   claw71 bang

    I have a note by my house that reads: Unattended children will be given a tour of my pants.

    The tally:

    3 tours. 1 unwanted pregnancy. 6 months prison.

    Oct 31, 2007 at 10:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #120   Mishee bang

    look on the face of the mother’s as they read the sign: priceless

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #121   Mishee bang

    OMG apostrophe abuse! I’m sorry! I’m soooo sorry! Please don’t attack me!

    *cowers in corner*

    Oct 31, 2007 at 11:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #122   Darcy

    I had a friend who worked in a bird shop for years, and theirs said, “Unattended children will be fed to the macaw one finger at a time.”

    Nov 1, 2007 at 12:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #123   Susan

    That has to be the most clever, original sign ever – all NINE of ‘em!!!! You know that’s what the proprietors thought when they made them! :)

    Nov 1, 2007 at 7:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #124   claw71

    Unattended children will be fed to the C.H.U.D.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 8:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #125   Wade bang

    ROFL, claw.

    C.H.U.D.

    There’s a Halloween classic they just don’t show enough of.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #126   Andre

    Unattended Children will be shot up with codine and fed to a rapid rottweiler

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #127   Andre

    crap, rabid. oh and codeine

    i’m leaving now, but I will let the door hit me on my tushie

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #128   thinking about thinking

    Just thinking about thinking says;
    I am new to this but love the idea of a place to complain. When my kids were little it was stay by me, keep your hands to yourself and your mouth shut unless you have to pee. Now that the little people are grown and gone I kina like to0 shop, eat ect. in peace. I like the trippin them idea.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #129   thinking about thinking

    My mother had only one arm and just loved to shake her stump at a child and growl if no one was looking. She must have gave ‘em nightmares.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #130   CrpyticQ'sUrnAim

    Rapid could work too. I hear it’s all in the chase.

    -115 m_a: Totally off topic, but: When I was kid we had some friends with 8 spawns that lived down the street from us. They were HUGE mofo’s too. The mother started all of them on gravy as soon as they turned 4 months. Anywhoo, they were pre-teens when they started making a habit of coming to our house and inviting themselves to the food in our refrigerator. My mother loved to make salsa. She’d roast a Japanese pepper we call ‘piquin’, anyway the smoke itself was enough to water your eyes and it clogged your airway-think mustard gas. She figured out that they couldnt take it (we were raised around so we were immune) so everytime they came over out came the ‘piquin’ and frying pans. Worked like a charm.

    Team Unattended Chi’rens Will Get a Cayenne Pepper Rubdown. Particularly in the eyes and other mucus membranes.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #131   WanderingPenguin bang

    Hee hee “rapid Rottweiler”. :) Don’t know why but that just made me spit coke all ov…. erm, never mind.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 12:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #132   unholyghost2003

    The “child” in the second to last sign looks like he could use an espresso, if only to wake him long enough to stop sleep masterbating and knock away the puppy that seems to have mounted his right side.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 2:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #133   bitchphd

    I’ve only seen the sign in my local coffee shop, where I think it’s funny because after all, they *do* serve espresso and they have board games and it seems fair enough to playfully ask customers not to just drop off their kids there to play scrabble while they go to the grocery store (full disclosure: my kid loves that coffeeshop b/c of the games, and the owners are always perfectly nice about his being there). But yes, piled up like in this thread it just becomes irritatingly assholish.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 2:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #134   Reno

    …unattended children will be given free chocolate. The special ex-lax brand…

    Nov 1, 2007 at 7:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #135   goose

    Unattended children will be forced to read the comments at PAN.com.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 9:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #136   GVI bang

    I’m guessing you are unattented.

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #137   Team Cassandra bang

    Its Fucking Delicious!:#3,10,15(with a Band Camp bonus),23 (but its not us),45,and67

    What ifs at: #5,6,14,31,32,33,34,36,51,55,and113

    Alternatives at:#8,9,28,29,58,62,63,85,96,97,104,116,119,122,124,126,134,and135

    Evil Laughter at the expense of innocent children:#10,21,22,27,30,38,39,49,50,68,89,92,117,and129

    Grammar Smackdown:#16,25,26,121,127,and130(with a Story!)

    Brandon Smackdown begins at:#66(with Brandon),67,69,71,72,74(I think),75,77,79,80,81,86,87,and88(Band Camp bonus – floutist)

    Hallowe’en Ideas!:#89

    Step into the Twilight Zone:#95,99,106,107,,108,109,111,

    Is this true???:#56

    I love StrongBad #37,41 – Thanks for reminding me, I’m going there now:)

    And I’d never thought I’d see myself type this but: Team Horkin Chunks!

    Nov 1, 2007 at 10:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #138   Mishee bang

    TC – I know you have your oh-so-wonderful synopsis but could a name here and there be too much to ask? I had to go to the top of the page, do a CTRL+F for “Mishee”, write down a list of all my comment numbers, and then consult your posting to see if I was mentioned (BTW, yay! I was, like, 3 times!) – I felt like I was either playing the lotto or trying to catch up at bingo!! But I still love your Summarizing and props every day! You rock!

    lol

    Nov 2, 2007 at 12:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #139   Mishee bang

    And in a way, it kinda was like playing the lotto, cause when you are mentioned in a TC post, you have won! But in my opinion the reward is much greater! (ok, I lied about that.. just trying to be nice)

    Nov 2, 2007 at 12:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #140   doxgukka

    i would tell my kid to go in and ask for the espresso and puppy! hahaha ive never ever heard of this before in my life! maybe cause im australian and we dont do silly things like give away shit

    Nov 2, 2007 at 12:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #141   Mishee bang

    doxgukka – us silly Americans aren’t actually going to give the kids a puppy! what do you take us for? Canadians? (just kidding TC!) :D

    Nov 2, 2007 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #142   Team Cassandra bang

    No, we won’t actually give you anything either…thing is we’d, likely, keep an eye on your kids for you for a while without complaint. When they’re lost for real – we’d apologize profusely and let you know that we did our best to keep our eye on them while we worked our *actual* jobs. In truth, we might even *help* your kids get lost for real, but you’d never be able to prove it:)

    Canada. We put the passive in aggression.

    Nov 2, 2007 at 10:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #143   kelly

    you gotta love it….can I post this at my church?

    Nov 2, 2007 at 1:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #144   MrWizerd

    YES giving espresso to a kid with add would most likely calm them down and make them overly docile.

    Nov 2, 2007 at 5:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #145   Kj

    this cracks me up…
    Go ahead, give my kids caffeine….
    It’ll backfire on you majorly cos caffeine puts my kids to sleep…..

    and I love puppies….

    Nov 4, 2007 at 3:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #146   Shlosha-esreh

    Wow, this sign is awsome. I need it for my place of work, maybe than perants will keep better watch of their kids

    Nov 4, 2007 at 7:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #147   Eric C

    “Sanctimonious proprietors will have my shoe wedged up their ass.”

    Nov 5, 2007 at 12:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #148   Steph

    I saw this sign last week at a coffee shop (where it actually makes sense) in Greendale, Wis.

    To people who don’t like it: control your children and you won’t have to worry about it! How about that.

    Nov 5, 2007 at 2:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #149   WanderingPenguin bang

    Well, exactly, Steph. I have seen this kind of sign – in many, many forms – in several different kinds of establishments both in “real life” and online over the past several years and I am always amazed at the backlash it gets from angry parents. They spout crap like, “that’s what kids do – make noise and cause a stir….I’d like to see [insert proprietor here] raise a couple of kids and try to keep them under control for a whole day at a time”. Why do people assume that just because they don’t have a clue how to raise kids to be respectful of the world around it naturally follows that nobody has a clue?

    And here’s another thought: nobody is telling you to keep your kids under control 24/7 – just when you are out and about and need to use your “inside voice”. If you can’t do that much, then take a damned course or something. Seriously, speaking from experience (2 to nearly adulthood), it’s just not that friggin’ hard if you respect people around you.

    Hmm. That last phrase makes me think that maybe it is that hard. Respect for others seems to be a lost art everywhere these days – or is that just a city thing?

    Nov 5, 2007 at 2:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #150   claw71

    In all honesty the signs are just a humorous reminder that the business is not necessarily child-oriented. If you must take a child into a place such as a coffee house or a winery, keep them on a short leash.

    Not long ago I stopped at a local pub after an evening soccer game. I wanted a sandwich and afew beers. A buddy of mine made a few crude jokes at our expense but these comments were overheard by a guy behind us who was there with his kids. I was going to apologize before it dawned on me that he made the choice to have a late dinner at a bar with his kids. Screw him. He muttered something about respect to his wife loud enough for me to hear so I leaned back and mentioned that Ci-Ci’s Pizza was right next door.

    We didn’t go out of our way to be offensive to him…in fact I think he went out of his way to be offended.

    Kids are great but they have their place.

    Nov 5, 2007 at 2:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #151   claw71

    They should lower the age of consent for unattended children.

    Nov 5, 2007 at 2:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #152   Carson

    Perhaps the signs could come down if the parents didn’t let their children act like animals.

    Are you reading this, Eric C?

    Nov 5, 2007 at 5:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #153   KB

    Mitsu – are you really that dumb? They’re not implying they INTEND to give away espresso shots and puppies – it’s a veiled threat. Dumbass.

    Nov 6, 2007 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #154   Troy McClure bang

    WP, #150: Respect people around me? What would respectable people be doing around me?

    Mitsu, looks like you reeled one in at #154. The irony!

    Nov 6, 2007 at 6:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #155   WanderingPenguin bang

    So to sum up, KB, 6 1/2 days after the fact you come riding in here to call someone who is not even slightly likely to return to this thread a “dumbass”… and you do so after completely misinterpreting the sarcasm in the original note. How brave and insightful of you!

    You have to be the single most pathetic poster I have seen in here since I starting reading the notes. I only wish there was an award we could give you, but then that would only encourage you and your ilk.

    Actually, perhaps my note here should have read like this:

    “KB – are you really that dumb? She’s not implying that she BELIEVES they will actually give away espresso shots and puppies – it was blatant sarcasm. Dumbass.”

    Yeah, that would have read better. Oh well. Tough shit. All I really wanted to say was you’re a jackass.

    Nov 6, 2007 at 6:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #156   FREEPOUR

    Is this at Paris Hilton’s House of Fun?

    Nov 7, 2007 at 10:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #157   Chaely

    There’s a sign on the grounds of my state’s renaissance festival that says “unattended children will be imprisoned & sold into slavery” which is only hilarious because they ACTUALLY have a jail nearby where they put missing kids & spouses who don’t appear to be enjoying themselves. To get them out you either have to post bail or they have to dance & sing in front of a crowd of onlookers.

    Nov 9, 2007 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #158   Shieldmaiden96

    The picture of tearful children being forced to sing and dance for my amusement will make me smile inside all day.

    Dec 7, 2007 at 11:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #159   Emilie

    I saw one in an ice cream shop that said : Unattended children will be dipped in chocolate and sold…

    Dec 11, 2007 at 9:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #160   A visitor

    Is that red and white sign hand-written-looking from Flying Fish? (restaurant)
    There’s one just like it there, but perhaps they bought it. I was under the impression they made it.
    I’ll check next time we go.

    Jan 12, 2008 at 4:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #161   A visitor

    Excuse me, but contrary to what everyone here thinks, Espresso really is spelled espresso.
    So, like all your t-shirt ads say, “joke’s on you”.
    According to Wikipedia, “Expresso” is a common misspelling.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Espresso

    Jan 12, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #161.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Um, huh?

      I checked back with the handy “ctrl-f” feature and found exactly one person who called it “expresso” on this thread (and I am virtually certain they were kidding) plus one person (prior to you) who lamented the common misspelling. So… it would appear that “everyone here thinks” it’s spelled “espresso”. You know, correctly. But hey, way to jump onto a timely thread. ;)

      And thanks for the wikipedia link. You have no idea how much we love that around here. :D

      Jan 12, 2008 at 5:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #161.2   morpho aurora bang

      wp – four uses of the x spelling if you count Kerry’s shudder and GW’s with an n – but i’m sure you knew that :P
      btw MWAH! for this and the editor smack earlier – thanks for the giggle

      Jan 12, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #161.3   Canthz_B bang

      For the greater good!
      Oh, yeah…The editor bomb exploded nicely! :-)

      Jan 12, 2008 at 5:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #162   WanderingPenguin bang

    Hee hee – yeah, I think GW’s was a typo (I read it as “expression” missing an “i”), I didn’t count Kerry’s, there was one talking about how stupid it was to spell it that way and then one person actually spelling it wrong. Add in the two in this last thread and you get 6, of which only 1 is an actual error in the spelling of “espresso”. And the only person to spell it with a capital “E” was… you guessed it: “A Visitor”. So… yeah. What was my point again? :D

    Thanks, you two, for the kudos on the other post. That felt soooooooo good I can’t even begin to describe it. :D *sigh* I wish they were all laid in big and fat like that…I think I hit that one 550 feet to the power alley!

    Jan 13, 2008 at 1:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #162.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      I think I have figured out what happens when I try to add to a thread and it comes out on a new thread instead. I think it has something to do with using the “ctrl-f” feature and not closing it before posting. I could be completely wrong but the last three times this has happened I was using the search function… it might be a coincidence. I will have to test that theory out!

      Ok, back to the regularly scheduled snarkitude…

      Jan 13, 2008 at 1:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #162.2   park rose bang

      snarkitude. I like it. :)

      Jan 13, 2008 at 1:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #163   forsoothsayer bang

    as an idea, it’s not a bad one. i hate kids.

    Mar 26, 2008 at 8:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #164   this clip art must be stopped

    [...] this phrase, there are a few irritating little pieces of clip art that keep popping up in submissions over and [...]

    Apr 15, 2008 at 7:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #165   stop! in the name of clip art

    [...] this phrase, there are a few irritating little pieces of clip art that keep popping up in submissions over and [...]

    Apr 15, 2008 at 7:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #166   camille

    much better was the sign in a new orleans shoe shop: unattended children will be sold for fema vouchers.

    Apr 15, 2008 at 7:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #167   Froggy

    Hmmm, you know, the first time I read it I actually thought it was funny… but each repetition just made it less and less so.

    However, I still love the one I saw in a shop in Baltimore aeons ago…

    “Warning: Unattended Children Will Be Sold.”

    Apr 16, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #168   Izzi

    The people that post these signs are annoying as hell. Unattended children may be lost. What ever happened to neighborhoods? I don’t even have kids and I find this rude.

    But I would like a free espresso and free puppy. I’ll just act like an unattended child. I’ll bring coloring books and be very polite…

    Apr 16, 2008 at 2:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #168.1   JFargo

      You’re right, and unattended children MAY be lost, but let me tell you from experience that most of the time that child is purposely left behind in what the parents consider a “safe” place.

      I have worked in a toy store where a mother would come in every couple of weeks and tell her three children under the age of 8 to “stay here while Mommy gets her hair done.”

      Mommy would then be gone for three or four hours while she got a color, cut, perm, whatever.

      I asked the manager about it and she said that this woman had been doing it for years.

      So I called the cops and reported three lost children that I had found in our store with no one watching them, and no idea where their mom was.

      Woman never did it again. My boss was angry at me for losing a customer, but they never bought anything when they came in, so she calmed down when that was pointed out.

      Jul 11, 2008 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #169   Nancy

    My mother’s antique shop used to have a sign that read, “Unattended children will be sold to the gypsies”. I found it rather amusing!

    May 21, 2008 at 3:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #169.1   claw71 bang

      Why was that amusing? Because you’re a bigot who has a problem with Gypsies?

      This country was built on the backs of Gypsies.

      The best way to deter people from leaving children unattended is to hire pedophiles from the work release program.

      May 21, 2008 at 3:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #169.2   Kaysox

      I am a gypsy. We don’t want your kids.

      May 21, 2008 at 4:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #170   Amy

    I’ve seen this one in a children’s bookstore in San Carlos, CA. And I have to admit I thought it was pretty funny. It’s lost some charm now that I realize they didn’t think of it themselves, unless, of course, they were the original. They do get points for the absence of dopey clip art.

    Jun 15, 2008 at 6:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #171   Amnell

    LOL! My Doctor’s office has that sign up.

    Jun 19, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #172   fuhuck

    Unattended children will be kidnapped and trained to take extremely large objects into their body cavities for the amusement of Asian businessmen in Bangkok.

    Sep 3, 2008 at 6:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #173   the rhyme that must be flushed

    [...] related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry [...]

    Dec 9, 2008 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #174   Gail

    How did I never even see this before? Too hilarious.

    Dec 10, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #175   Aimee

    I personally prefer : Unattended children will be given to the circus.
    Because espresso wears of, puppies can be given away, but the mental scarring of a traveling circus never really goes away.

    Dec 11, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #176   anon

    What??? My mom has a great sign in her backyard that is more awesome. It says something like “Unattended children will be sold into slavery.”

    Dec 22, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #176.1   Marisa

      I have that sign at home, but it’s metal so someone apparently had it hanging somewhere

      Aug 28, 2009 at 9:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #177   Miss Lynx bang

    Damn, now I’m disappointed. I had only ever seen this sign once before – a hand-written one, in a bookstore/cafe that’s basically the only cool place in the small Northern Ontario town it’s located in. I thought it was really funny at the time, but had no idea it wasn’t original. :-(

    Dec 22, 2008 at 8:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #178   heather em

    What i like most about the first sign is the strange knot outline… as if this is a very precarious situation, that could fall to pieces at any moment or get tightly wound. Strange, no?

    Feb 1, 2009 at 2:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #179   mietwagen

    Sehr gute Seite. Ich habe es zu den Favoriten.

    Mar 12, 2009 at 5:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #179.1   holedigger33

      Ich spreche deutsch! ein bisschen. Ich kann sprechen sehr gut nicht. das is vielleicht schlect. Ich habe Deutschklasse fuer drei Monaten. Das ist alle. Auf Wiedersehen!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 4:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #180   Coyote bang

    I wish I had a picture – the laundromat near where my sister lives, in Missouri, says, in large hand-drawn letters:

    “Unattended children will be sold into slavery.”

    And this well-known tourist attraction/restaurant on Tybee Island, in Georgia, has signs that say “Unattended children will be given a free kitten.”

    http://thecrabshack.com/

    (The crab shack is also well-known for the large number of cats that live on the premises)

    May 11, 2009 at 4:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #181   Daniel

    I told my kid to ask the shop owner for his puppy, and to scream until he got one.

    Aug 7, 2009 at 7:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #182   unattended children will be shot.

    [...] previously discussed, this cringe-inducing little “witticism” is the scourge of retail stores the world [...]

    Sep 13, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #183   nick

    the thing that got me about the first sign is the knot that the artist has attempted to drawit appears to be an attempt at a reef knot but done so badly i had to recreate what the artist had drawn wist a peice of rope just to prove to myself that if pulled it would simply fall apart. I take knots too seriously

    Sep 13, 2009 at 6:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #184   2 notes, 1 cupcake

    [...] related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry [...]

    Sep 15, 2009 at 8:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #185   Insetaendonna

    My mom is thinking of doing a reverse mortgage in two years when she turns 62. The house has a tax lien. How would this affect getting the reverse mortgage, if it affects it at all?

    When a bank or mortgage company gives you a mortgage against a house, they put a lien on the house. They usually won’t do the deal unless they are the first lien. If there is already a tax lien on the home, the mortgage company would be 2nd in line to be paid if/when the house sells, so they will treat the loan like a 2nd mortgage (even though there is no first mortgage). Being a 2nd mortgage will make it much harder to get the loan, and result in much higher interest rates if you do get the loan.

    With that being said, I believe she will be unable to get a reverse mortgage. But I’m not sure.

    [url=http://www.subprimealta.com]wholesale mortgage[/url]

    Sep 21, 2009 at 5:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #186   Insetaendonna

    My mom is thinking of doing a reverse mortgage in two years when she turns 62. The house has a tax lien. How would this affect getting the reverse mortgage, if it affects it at all?

    When a bank or mortgage company gives you a mortgage against a house, they put a lien on the house. They usually won’t do the deal unless they are the first lien. If there is already a tax lien on the home, the mortgage company would be 2nd in line to be paid if/when the house sells, so they will treat the loan like a 2nd mortgage (even though there is no first mortgage). Being a 2nd mortgage will make it much harder to get the loan, and result in much higher interest rates if you do get the loan.

    With that being said, I believe she will be unable to get a reverse mortgage. But I’m not sure.

    [url=http://www.subprimealta.com]wholesale mortgage california[/url]

    Sep 21, 2009 at 6:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #187   Insetaendonna

    My mom is thinking of doing a reverse mortgage in two years when she turns 62. The house has a tax lien. How would this affect getting the reverse mortgage, if it affects it at all?

    When a bank or mortgage company gives you a mortgage against a house, they put a lien on the house. They usually won’t do the deal unless they are the first lien. If there is already a tax lien on the home, the mortgage company would be 2nd in line to be paid if/when the house sells, so they will treat the loan like a 2nd mortgage (even though there is no first mortgage). Being a 2nd mortgage will make it much harder to get the loan, and result in much higher interest rates if you do get the loan.

    With that being said, I believe she will be unable to get a reverse mortgage. But I’m not sure.

    [url=http://www.subprimealta.com]wholesale mortgages[/url]

    Sep 21, 2009 at 6:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #188   Insetaendonna

    My mom is thinking of doing a reverse mortgage in two years when she turns 62. The house has a tax lien. How would this affect getting the reverse mortgage, if it affects it at all?

    When a bank or mortgage company gives you a mortgage against a house, they put a lien on the house. They usually won’t do the deal unless they are the first lien. If there is already a tax lien on the home, the mortgage company would be 2nd in line to be paid if/when the house sells, so they will treat the loan like a 2nd mortgage (even though there is no first mortgage). Being a 2nd mortgage will make it much harder to get the loan, and result in much higher interest rates if you do get the loan.

    With that being said, I believe she will be unable to get a reverse mortgage. But I’m not sure.

    [url=http://www.subprimealta.com]wholesale mortgage banker[/url]

    Sep 21, 2009 at 7:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #189   Insetaendonna

    My uncle is thinking of doing a fha mortgage in two years when he turns 62. The home has a tax lien. How would this effect aquiring the loan, if it changes it at all?

    When a bank or mortgage co gives people a mortgage against a home, they put a lien on the subject house.

    They usually will not do the deal unless they are the first lien. If theyre is already a tax lien on the home, the mortgage co would be second in line to be paid back if when the house is sold, so they will treat the loan like a second mortgage even though there is no first mortgage.

    Being a 2nd loan will make it alot harder to get the financing needed, and result in much higher interest rates if you obtain the refi.

    With that being addressed, we beleive she will be unable to get a good loan. i just dont know anymore.

    Sep 28, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #189.1   JetJackson

      Is this a he or a she. I think you are confused. I don’t see the humorous side of your post either.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 5:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #190   electronic cigarette

    LOL These warning signs are hilarious.

    Oct 24, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #191   carrie

    my doctor’s office has one of these signs lol

    Dec 7, 2009 at 4:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #191.1   holedigger33

      Wow that horrible in a DOCTOR”S OFFICE? what is that the office for abandoned children?! SAD I CAN’T BELIEVE THE VERY PEOPLE WE ENTRUST WITH OUR WELFARE AND THAT OF OUR CHILD WOULD THREATEN TO GIVE CHILDREN EXCESS CAFFEINE AND A PUPPY WHICH WOULD PROBABLY END UP NEGLECTED WHICH WOULD PERPETUATE THE COMMON NOTION THAT CHILDREN ARE INCAPABLE OF CARING FOR A LIVING CREATURE–WHEN IN FACT CARING FOR A LIVING CREATURE FOSTERS RESPONSIBILITY–PREPARING OUR YOUNG FOR THE MANY A WINDING ROAD AHEAD…

      Dec 7, 2009 at 4:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #192   carrie

    wow chill dude its just a joke get a life and wtf does perpetuite and foster even mean i mean really talk english its not like you can’t u don’t hav to go off showing off ur education thats just lame ass

    Dec 7, 2009 at 4:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #192.1   holedigger33

      DON”T MAKE ME PAY JUST BECAUSE YOU”RE STUPID OR MY CHILREN!!!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 4:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #192.2   carrie

      wow way to over react and whos stupid now i have children you have chilren your chilren are probably short and stupid

      Dec 7, 2009 at 4:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #193   pony girl bang

    Well, this is interesting.

    More pokey and stabby action.
    Maybe it’s the weather? Or maybe everyone is sick and tired of waiting for the new HBO season.
    Is it January yet???
    Seriously, what is with all the pokey and stabby people?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 4:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #194   Unattended Children Will Be Given An Espresso... » Need Coffee Dot Com

    [...] Aggressive Notes has an interesting round-up of signs that are supposed to be threats. Don't they know that these days, kids will ditch their folks and wander about for such a [...]

    Oct 10, 2011 at 2:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #195   Unattended Children Will Be Given An Espresso... » Need Coffee Dot Com

    [...] Aggressive Notes has an interesting round-up of signs that are supposed to be threats. Don't they know that these days, kids will ditch their folks and wander about for such a [...]

    Oct 10, 2011 at 2:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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