my own neighborhood of park slope, brooklyn has high concentrations of dogs, babies, crazies and bloggers, which makes for a heady brew of incredibly well-documented passive-aggressiveness. certain notes (like this long-running series) show up in my inbox over and over again. i’ve gotten various iterations of this note from no fewer than six different people over the past few months, with good reason.
i think the dogged persistence of the note-writer is pretty incredible in its own right, but even better is what the note doesn’t quite explain: these bags weren’t just being stolen — some “juvenile/adult delinquent” was also cutting the bottom of the bags, then putting them back for the next unsuspecting dog-walking victim. oh, shit!
(thanks to william, kathleen, elaine, sarah, t-1-11, and jm for submitting!)
related: what is it about dog shit that pushes brooklynites over the edge?
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!
173 responses so far ↓
#1 Team Cassandra
Go ahead - call me a loser delinquent
I will then, of course, see the error of my ways and stop stealing your stupid poop bags.
Dude. Are you high?
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:47 pm rating: 0
#2 Reality
.It may be Doggy Poop But I hope it is F…ing delicious!!!!!
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:48 pm rating: 0
#3 ALA
The bottoms of those bags were fucking delicious.
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:49 pm rating: 0
#4 Zsa
The sheer number of times ‘poop’ (both in quotes and out) is used makes me giggle. Like that is gonna stop anyone….
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:50 pm rating: 0
#5 Wade
I wonder if the dog poop patrol considered the tree’s feelings before impaling plastic bags to it.
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:50 pm rating: 0
#6 GVI
Why is “Poop” in quotation marks? Is it or isn’t it poop that they put in those bags?
I think they are running drugs.
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:54 pm rating: 0
#7 Wade
…others enjoy the convenience?
That’s a customer satisfaction survey I would love to see, lol.
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:56 pm rating: 0
#8 Canthz_B
Those clear plastic ziplock bags are fucking delicious! (And so versatile!)
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:58 pm rating: 0
#9 GVI
Whoa, those bastards where stealing the bags of ‘poop’, wtf is that about?
Nov 11, 2007 at 9:59 pm rating: 0
#10 Canthz_B
I’m a poop picker-upper (if anyone’s around), but Rocky demands larger than sandwich bags.
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:00 pm rating: 0
#11 GVI
I wonder if they stole those bags of poop to frame Putz?
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:02 pm rating: 0
#12 Reality
I really find the ad at bottom of page funnier it is a T-Shirt ad that says “I STOL O.J.S Shit’ I guess poop has been mentioned too many times! Iam LOL!
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:02 pm rating: 0
#13 Canthz_B
Maybe the bag snatcher needed all of the bags for their Great Dane?
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:02 pm rating: 0
#14 Canthz_B
Redd Foxx said…”St. Bernards don’t doo doo, St. Bernards shit!
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:05 pm rating: 0
#15 Wade
If I am reading the note right (always a dodgy thing here), the note writer is upset that the ziploc bag full of what? (rolled up plastic grocery bags, folded up baggies), keeps disappearing.
The ziploc bag attached to the tree by… push pins!
idiot.
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:06 pm rating: 0
#16 Troy McClure
Arlo Guthrie? Anyone old enough?
Coming into Park Slope? Then please,
I’m hanging angry signs on the trees:
Don’t touch my bags if you please
You disgusting man
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:06 pm rating: 0
#17 Canthz_B
Our oh so mature note writer is so fed up with a poopy sidewalk (s)he is providing free poop pick-up bags for the immature, juvenile delinquent neighbors? P-A at work in spades!
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:11 pm rating: 0
#18 Courts
Maybe the BAG SNATCHER doesn’t want to reform their Bad Behavior. How does getting an education prevent you from stealing doggie ‘poop’ bags? Maybe they ENJOY stealing doggie ‘poop’ bags?
Maybe they’re using the bags for portioned out pretzels?
Thank you, Terry
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:14 pm rating: 0
#19 tanyetta
why are people being so rude? i can’t stand when people allow their dogs to poop on the ground! yuck!
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:21 pm rating: 0
#20 Troy McClure
I wouldn’t want dogs telling me where I could poop.
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:22 pm rating: 0
#21 Rita
I don’t understand, “Get a life…pet your dog…”
Is this person telling me to get a life by petting my dog?
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:33 pm rating: 0
#22 Wade
petting dogs (like bacon) is life!
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:35 pm rating: 0
#23 Canthz_B
So much better when they poop in the air! LOL
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:35 pm rating: 0
#24 morpho aurora
maybe the bag vandals are trying to get the sign hangers to quit vandalizing the tree with push pins and silly signs - i’d take the signs down just because reading them annoyed me.
btw, what adult uses the word “doggie” that often when not addressing a very small child?
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:38 pm rating: 0
#25 Canthz_B
#23, I tried to potty train mine but he left paw prints on the seat and refused to clean up after himself…what a slob he is…“Bad dog!”
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: 0
#26 Wade
Can’t snatch this
Can’t snatch this
Can’t snatch this
Can’t snatch this
My, my, my, anger puts me in a fog
Makes me say pet your dog
Go find another thrill
Get a education don’t be ill
Feels good when I know I’m dope
A superbad bagboy from the Park Slope
And I’m known
it’s natch
And this is a poop bag you can’t snatch
Nov 11, 2007 at 10:55 pm rating: 0
#27 Wade
That’s word because you know
Can’t snatch this
Can’t snatch this
Break it down!
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Stop! Scoopin’ time!
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:06 pm rating: 0
#28 Canthz_B
Wade, what can you do with Poop Poop, Baby?
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:07 pm rating: 0
#29 A.A guy
RE;#20
Now don’t get me wrong,I admire both your civic consciousness and your desire not to return home with the fecal twins in tow.I’m just curious how people react to someone collecting stray dog shit with no dog in tow.I might
sugguest wearing a lab coat and nodding sagely at interesting specimens.
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:14 pm rating: 0
#30 Canthz_B
Funny thing about us poop scoopers though. When we see un-scooped poop we automatically run the neighborhood dog owners through our heads. “That’s too big to be Ron’s Yorkie…could be that guy with the Rotts though.”
We become unlicensed poop inspectors!
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:21 pm rating: 0
#31 Coke-aholic
The person who stole all the bags was obviously that Ziploc Fanatic who was cleaning out the office fridge in the past note, requesting everything be put in there in Ziplocs. Sorry, I can’t be bothered to go back and find the old post.
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
#32 Reality
Oh, A.A. don’t get me wrong would never clean whole park, but when at the park I like to have the immediate area clean of All fecal matter. So we can All enjoy our Fruit and Cake. hahahaha
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:31 pm rating: 0
#33 Wade
poop poop baby
poop poop baby
All right stop you delinquents and listen
Bagboy’s back with my brand new invention
Something stores all the poop bags tightly
Cause dogs are crapping daily and nightly
Will it ever stop I don’t think so
It’s a convenience I know
To the extreme I’m pissed at you vandal
Get an education a life you can handle
Pet your dog is the advice I give
Stop cutting down bags so the bermuda can live
Deadly when I throw a dope note or three
I only wish than all this was a felony
Love it or leave it you better mature
You better not mess with the dog manure
Since there is a problem yo I’ll solve it
Check out the sign just try not to resist it
poop poop baby
poop poop baby
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:32 pm rating: 0
#34 Canthz_B
These poopie bags are free,
Leave my notes alone,
I will keep pinning them,
until I kill this tree.
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:34 pm rating: 0
#35 shirky
I took the same picture!
thank goodness i never sent it in , i would look like such a copycat
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:37 pm rating: 0
#36 Canthz_B
I’m such a fan, can you sign my dog?
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:37 pm rating: 0
#37 GVI
What if the “stolen” bags where just full and thrown away, now the ones that were cut, that’s just a hilarious story.
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:46 pm rating: 0
#38 A.A guy
Reality; I understand,we used to do the same thing when we played flag football in the park.It would be real nice if you did the lab coat thing though.Just once..PLEASEEEEE.I get out so seldom.
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:48 pm rating: 0
#39 A.A guy
Yo Babe,I’ll sign your dog,bring it on.
Team” even on the web I still sound whiter than humanly possible”.
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:51 pm rating: 0
#40 MJaz
A ziplock poopie bag bandit. That is too funny. Just the sound of that. Ziplock poopie bag bandit… sigh
Reminds me of the time my sister threatened to leave a “flaming poo bag” on a neighbors door step. I laughed for an hour, and I just smirked as I wrote it.
Of course, the flaming poo bag was combined with getting dressed in our finest black turtlenecks and ski caps and stealthing over to the bitch’s front step to the tune of the Pink Panther. The sad part was that we were in our mid-20’s when we planned this mission.
I guess growing up is hard to do.
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:52 pm rating: 0
#41 Reality
Flaming poop bag, so funny reminds me of my oldest brother . We went to Catholic school and his friends and him would always leave those at the doorstep of the convent. “Smelly Black Habits” worse than fecal twins I bet. To think they couldn’t even say “AH SHIT” hehehe haha
Nov 11, 2007 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
#42 Canthz_B
OK…don’t shoot all at once…This is my 1st try…
Scrape the poop off,
We’re gonna scrape the
poop off this mother sucker,
Scrape the poop off the sucker,
Scrape the poop off,
We’re gonna scrape the
Poop off this mother sucker,
Scrape the poop off the sucker,
We want the bags,
Give us back our bags!
We want the bags,
Give us back our bags!
We’re gonna clean this city up,
We’re gonna clean this shitty up.
We’ve got a real poopless thing,
Going on, clean it up,
There’s a whole lot of
Scooping going down.
We’ve got a real poopless thing,
Going on, clean it up,
There’s a whole lot of
Scooping going down.
We want the bags,
Give us back our bags!
We need our bags,
Give us back our bags!
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:04 am rating: 0
#43 MJaz
That’s quite a delimma. What if you are a juvenile/adult delinquent with a pooch who needs to poo? (Why is poo such a funny word? Poo, poop, poopie.. they are all side-stitchers).
Leave the bags alone.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:12 am rating: 0
#44 Canthz_B
I was going to try to tackle “Atomic Dog”.
Bow-wow-wow-yippee-yo-yippee-yay!
Maybe when I grow up.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:23 am rating: 0
#45 Putz
ah ha. the bandits have been zeroed in on. one more note posted and they’ll be caught.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:30 am rating: 0
#46 Putz
I like the aggressive dog ad at the bottom of this page.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:31 am rating: 0
#47 Reality
How do you all make up these songs so quickly it would take me days to write anything comparable. It is all part of the fun of this site no matter what the subject someone always comes up with great lyrics. Why is this all so hilarious?
LOL does not “Doo” it justice.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:33 am rating: 0
#48 A.A guy
True story…..The city of Toronto ultra-promoted the plastic dog dirt collection program,soon like minded citizens were putting out extra bags along forest trails,parks ect.Well it turns out the city didn’t plan for success and soon the ratio of fido waste became a health hazzard.
The soulution? Dog owners have been asked to scoop and bring rovers leavings home! This has led to a bizzare phenominum,almost anywhere dogs are walked you will find clear bags of canine residue tied to fences,trees and garbage cans(I’ve even seen one on a telephone pole).
I can’t wait for our first ice storm.God bless city hall.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:41 am rating: 0
#49 A.A guy
Sorry,by ratio I mean’t dog crap to garbage in the waste recepticles.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:44 am rating: 0
#50 Canthz_B
Last I checked crap was biodegradeable. Why not just leave the baggies on the steps of City Hall? They made the Crap Law, let them deal with the crap! LOL
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:50 am rating: 0
#51 A.A guy
Maybe it might be better if we just stepped in it and spread the responsibility around.
Nov 12, 2007 at 12:58 am rating: 0
#52 Canthz_B
That escalating anger is fucking delicious!
Thanks Terry!
Nov 12, 2007 at 1:03 am rating: 0
#53 D
wow… that’s some nice anger in the neighborhood
Nov 12, 2007 at 1:05 am rating: 0
#54 Canthz_B
Let’s just assume Mr. Rogers does NOT live there!
Nov 12, 2007 at 1:07 am rating: 0
#55 Canthz_B
“Hello boys and girls, today we’re going to talk about canine feces. What’s that? You’ve never heard of canine feces? well boys and girls, that’s dog shit!”
Nov 12, 2007 at 1:10 am rating: 0
#56 ian in hamburg
Maybe I’m not clear on the concept of P-A here, but it seems to me that unless you stake out the spot 24/7 to catch in the act these idiots who are slicing apart bags of shit - leaving yourself open to accusations of stalking and not having a life - you have to leave a note to get your point across. I for one hope they catch whoever it is and rub his face in it.
Nov 12, 2007 at 2:16 am rating: 0
#57 Canthz_B
“Atomic Dog” riff…
This is the story of some crapping dogs,
When the dog raises his tail,
It’s a done deal.
These are crapping dogs,
Defecating dogs,
Just plain nasty dogs.
Dogs, let’s drop poop tonight!
Bowel moving dogs,
Incontinent dogs.
Doo doo doing dogs.
Why must I poop like that,
Why must I leave my shit shat?
Nothing but the dog in me.
Clean af-ter your dog!
Clean af-ter your dog!
Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay,
Bow wow yip-yippy yippy yo yippy yay!
Nov 12, 2007 at 2:51 am rating: 0
#58 Troy McClure
Holy shit shat CB, & you “scooped” #69 too!
Nov 12, 2007 at 5:11 am rating: 0
#59 Bean
I usually just lurk around here, but, this morning, I had to comment… Wade, and Canthz B, you two made my morning with those little ditties. Thanks.
Nov 12, 2007 at 6:34 am rating: 0
#60 Andy
Wow. What is it about dog shit that brings out the worst in people.
Oh yeah. It’s because it’s dog shit!
Nov 12, 2007 at 7:12 am rating: 0
#61 Camilla
I wonder if the “Leave Bags Alone” part is a reference to the “Leave Britney Alone” video?
Nov 12, 2007 at 7:15 am rating: 0
#62 Andy
Also, if I was truly the adult delinquent, I wouldn’t cut off the bottom of the bags. I’d pin a full bag, along with a nice note on the front saying, “Thanks for letting me borrow the bag, reuse, recycle, and all that!”
I’d probably but a smiley face on it, too.
That’s why I have a bag dispenser attached to my dog’s leash, so I don’t have to rely on douchebags.
Hmmm… is that line in “Streetcar Named Desire”: “I’ve always depended on the kindness of douchebags.” Yeah, that’s where I got it.
Team bring your own poop bag next walk.
Nov 12, 2007 at 7:19 am rating: 0