“keep in mind that this is coming from the messiest and loudest of six roommates,” says our anonymous submitter, a college student in new york. isn’t it always?
is that a calligraphy pen?
November 15th, 2007 · 231 comments
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Tags: dishes · new york · paper product fairy · roommates · underlining · university
231 responses so far ↓
#1 GVI
Am I going blind or is her hand writing very fuzzy?
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:08 pm rating: +1
#2 Reality
That is just a F…ing delicous Kitchen RULE.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:11 pm rating: +1
#3 Troy McClure
I bet she wasn’t even that pissed off. She just wanted an excuse to show off her handwriting.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:14 pm rating: +1
#4 Canthz_B
Talk about control issues! She never asked that they buy their own utensils, just told them how to treat hers!
Almost as if she hopes they never get their own and are forever dependent on The Great Alicia”!
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:14 pm rating: --1
#5 Reality
I guess no one stays home long enough to properly and thoroughly clean kitchen or Alicia is just a little obessive compulsive.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:16 pm rating: +1
#6 Canthz_B
“The great Alicia’s” handwriting shows that she obviously did not attend college with the kids from our last note!
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:17 pm rating: --1
#7 GVI
She says to put the utensils back in the drawer as soon as they have been washed, not in the dish washer, not out to dry, or even the copy room. I can see in the near future, that there will be a note complaining about all her wet utensils in the drawer, and how they are rotting the cabinets and stuff.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:17 pm rating: +1
#8 Wade
I think Alicia let out an important step in her very thorough instructions… drying them off before putting them away.
I can see the utensils now, each swimming in its own little puddle of dish water…
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:18 pm rating: +1
#9 BoggyWoggy
How about this…
Be more passive-aggressive…
Buy rolls of paper towels, but hide them in your room. Then, when you need a towel, go get one and use it, but don’t allow anyone else to touch them! Yeah, that’ll get ‘em!
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:18 pm rating: +1
#10 morpho aurora
purple ink, underlining, unusual writing
a relative of crazy cat lady? looks like ali d’s neighb has a college age granddaughter
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:19 pm rating: +1
#11 Wade
Ha! great minds, GVI.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:19 pm rating: +1
#12 jennifer
WHY does someone - everytime - in the first four comments - say ______ was fucking delicious?????? EVERY SINGLE TIME?!?!
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:20 pm rating: 0
#13 Canthz_B
“I’ll leave my drawers where I like, but I like my utensils in my drawers!”
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:20 pm rating: --1
#14 Canthz_B
#12…because it is a fucking delicious thing to say!
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:22 pm rating: --1
#15 Wade
It is an epic opening statement, though:
As stated from the beginning…
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:23 pm rating: +1
#16 GVI
Is that Sympathy Jen??
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:23 pm rating: +1
#17 Wade
*in*
grrrr
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:24 pm rating: +1
#18 Troy McClure
Roommates, I’m not one for fighting,
Can’t you just all do the right thing?
Don’t leave my spatula
Out like some bachelor
(And do you like my handwriting?)
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:24 pm rating: +1
#19 GhostWriter
Washing and drying utensils, I can live with. I draw the line, however, when she demands that I must wear the unitard while baking.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:25 pm rating: +1
#20 Canthz_B
I think that “immediately” is fucking delicious! Don’t wait ten minutes…flip that burger, wash that spatula and get it into the damned drawer before Alicia gets home!
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:25 pm rating: --1
#21 Troy McClure
Jennifer, I agree. I think it is time they must wear the unitard.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:25 pm rating: +1
#22 Canthz_B
I was waiting for *left* in #8 Wade
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:28 pm rating: --1
#23 GhostWriter
What does a paper towel run these days; maybe two cents?
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:28 pm rating: +1
#24 Canthz_B
USD or CAD? LOL
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:31 pm rating: --1
#25 Canthz_B
Sick individual! LOL
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:32 pm rating: --1
#26 Canthz_B
Does Alicia also provide dish towels? She may have a poin…Nah!
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:34 pm rating: --1
#27 GhostWriter
“As stated from the begining, my name Alicia, but everybody calls me “Rachel.” I don’t like no one touching my utensils. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my utensils, I’ll kill you.”
didn’t we just do this?
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:34 pm rating: +1
#28 Troy McClure
Why don’t you get off your keister?
Quit your complaining; at least ya
Can use all my forks
Just wash them, you dorks
Thanks in advance, from Alicia
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:35 pm rating: +1
#29 Canthz_B
Is Alicia Irish, Troy?
Sounds like more of a Scot! LOL
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:38 pm rating: --1
#30 Canthz_B
Don’t boo hoo anyone…both are in me…I’m allowed! LOL
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:40 pm rating: --1
#31 lola
Those ziggy-zaggy underlines are like tiny passive aggressive razors…
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:44 pm rating: +1
#32 Steph
Yes, it’s a calligraphy pen/marker.
Bitch doesn’t want her pwecious utensils put in the dishwasher? Fuck that. If she’s going to let people use them, they should be able to put them in the dishwasher rather than washed by hand.
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:51 pm rating: --1
#33 GhostWriter
Do you remember this one?
Bright tools, not one with a defect
Cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct
She saw blunders, illegal lax
They look so good that she shines them with wax
(CHORUS) She is washing the utensils
“Ooh, it’s so cute”
She is washing the utensils
When they cook, cook, cook, cook
They leave them out- that’s when the teardrops start
But she can’t be worried when they’re in their spot…
Nov 15, 2007 at 10:52 pm rating: +1
#34 WanderingPenguin
Finally! An Elvis Costello sighting! Bravo!!
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:01 pm rating: +1
#35 Canthz_B
Not being a dishwashing scholar I may be on shaky ground here, but I believe the dishwasher environment is a bit more harsh than a hand wash would be, Steph.
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:01 pm rating: --1
#36 WanderingPenguin
I can honestly say I’m sure glad I have never lived with Steph.
So she allows people to use her own personal kitchen utensils…but she gets NO SAY on how they treat them? How about this: if you can’t wash MY STUFF the way I tell you to, then you can’t use them. Better?
Team Do Your Own Williams-Sonoma Shopping You Bitch.
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:03 pm rating: 0
#37 GhostWriter
…to Luka
My name is ‘licia,
I live on the second floor.
I’ll hide the ladles from you,
just because you used them before.
If you try cooking every night
Don’t try to steal them or try to find
Just don’t ask for spat-u-las
Just don’t ask for spat-u-las
Just don’t ask for spat-u-las
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:04 pm rating: 0
#38 WanderingPenguin
I think rhyming “spatula” with “bachelor” has to pretty much win whatever prize Troy wants to take out of the tickle trunk.
Oops, sorry. Obscure reference there - except for the Canucks in the room. How about….anything behind one of the three curtains that Carol Merrill is now indicating?
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:06 pm rating: 0
#39 Canthz_B
WP…a little funk…”THE BIG DEAL”! Funkintelechy!
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:13 pm rating: --1
#40 Troy McClure
Hey diddle diddle
She cooked peanut brittle
Back on the 7th of June
Now it’s June 20,
My drawers are all empty
And the bitch ran away with my spoon
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:20 pm rating: +1
#41 Mishee
I am not sure what exactly I can say about this note… except I am probably guilty of the same requests, just without the note, when my SLOB brother was living with me. But I had alot more weird rules…. like how to put the bread back away after using it, and he wasn’t allowed to bring his shoes into my home… plus the “Wash Your Feet First” rule…
Ok, yes, I am a Nazi… but he’s a fucking SLOB!
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:21 pm rating: 0
#42 anglophile
In the beginning, there was Alicia. And Alicia looked upon the kitchen and saw no utensils, and a multitude of peoples eating with their hands. And Alicia, in Her unending mercy, provided the peoples with utensils, and there was great rejoicing. Until some a-hole made mac and cheese and left the dirty dishes in the sink. So Alicia called to the people and said unto them, I have given you utensils, and you defiled them, and so I will take them away. And there was much sorrow upon the land. And the peoples cried, Forgive us, O Alicia, and return us the utensils. And Alicia pitied the peoples returned the utensils, but also delivered unto them the Commandments of the Utensils, so that all the peoples might use the utensils, and Alicia also, and for many years there was peace upon the land and in the kitchen. Until some a-hole made Ramen and left the dishes in the sink and used all the Aliciadamn papertowels.
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:29 pm rating: +1
#43 cre8tivewmn
A dishwasher is harsher, but often better at killing germs.
Seems the roommates always have the option of buying their own utensils. It is frustrating not being able to find your favorite tools (or finding them dirty).
Her message is rather strident, though and the wiggly underlining is fabulous!
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:34 pm rating: 0
#44 Troy McClure
#38, #49, LQIMOTMSH!
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:34 pm rating: 0
#45 Canthz_B
#50…depends on detergent and water temp…mostly dishwashers are about,”Do I feel like washing this crap or do I have enough that I can put it all into the machine and waste water while I do something I feel is more worthwhile to me?”…Don’t get me wrong, I use mine…but I don’t rationalize it by saying that I am killing germs.
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:45 pm rating: --1
#46 zoe
Ally is damn angry.
Her spoons sit in pools.
Covered in melted Jello.
Nov 15, 2007 at 11:45 pm rating: 0
#47 WanderingPenguin
Ah, zoe. So close to a haiku! Perhaps “goddam angry”?
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:00 am rating: 0
#48 WanderingPenguin
Wait a sec….it would be a reverse haiku then.
Never mind.
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:01 am rating: 0
#49 GVI
So it’s a non haiku?
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:05 am rating: 0
#50 Simster
What is it with people thanking other people in advance? It’s damned impatient and impertinent. Wait until they do the thing and then thank them, please.
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:16 am rating: 0
#51 Writer, Rejected
It’s always the douchiest roommate who wants you to do stuff thoroughly and immediately. Always.
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:18 am rating: 0
#52 Troy McClure
My thoughts exactly Simster; please have made that remark.
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:18 am rating: 0
#53 mike
Bitch should see what I cleaned with the paper towels and her face cloth….
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:26 am rating: 0
#54 Mishee
Mike, was it a towel? Did you perchance get it from a laundry room in Berkeley? If so, U R NASTY!
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:29 am rating: 0
#55 Canthz_B
Was this really stated “in the beginning”? “Now that we have moved in I want you all to know that you are free to use my utensils. Just wash them and put them away in their proper places immediately. Thank you in advance for your cooperation,”
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:30 am rating: --1
#56 Canthz_B
Mike…are you sure it was her face cloth?
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:31 am rating: --1
#57 mike
this is why in college I had a margarine tub and one cracked spork .
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:32 am rating: 0
#58 Mishee
Now you have upgraded to…. a glad ware bowl and a wendy’s fork and knife (wendy’s has good forks)
Nov 16, 2007 at 12:36 am rating: 0
#59 Troy McClure
#66–#67: LIQUORSTORE (Laugh I, Quietly, Using Office Resources, Struggling To Overcome Rising Euphoria)
Nov 16, 2007 at 1:17 am rating: 0
#60 Canthz_B
Ummm, why Mike?…Because you used Alicia’s utensils for everything else? You’re a good little freeloader, aren’t you?!
Nov 16, 2007 at 2:20 am rating: --1
#61 tanyetta
alicia needs more fiber in her diet.
Nov 16, 2007 at 4:58 am rating: 0
#62 Wade
I think I see part of the problem: apparently Alicia thinks dishes are kitchen utensils.
Which would also explain the need for more paper towels.
Nov 16, 2007 at 7:41 am rating: +1
#63 saporro
I thought she sounded crazy, then i read her name. My name is Alicia too, so i guess she dosnt sound so crazy now.
- Alicia (never been to NY)
Nov 16, 2007 at 8:18 am rating: 0
#64 JPav
Bet ya a ten spot that she used her roommate’s calligraphy pen AND left the cap off.
Nov 16, 2007 at 8:32 am rating: 0
#65 A.A guy
I can just picture Alicia’s kitchen drawers,each insert slot neatly labeled “my forks”, “my spoons”,”my 5 turkey basters”.
I can hear the stiletto clicking of the labeling machine as she organizes her latest haul from the dollar store.”Just wait”, she cackles,” I’ll lull them into security with my finery until the eve of their first dinner party and then………(insert maniac laughter)with their hands and feet shall they eat!
Nov 16, 2007 at 9:20 am rating: +1
#66 30 and 2
Since this is a game of particulars, how about:
1.The paper is obviously ripped, cut or torn from the paper pad in a very messy fashion.
2. the k in Kitchen appears to be capitalized which would be easier to distinguish if she had taken care of number 3
3. With the exception of the date, she did not stay on the given line. If she wanted unlined paper, she could have written it on a paper towel and reimbursed herself, maybe even writing the expense off her taxes as part of her job of keeping the other roommates in line.
4. no indention of at the beginning of the paragraph.
5. “Not the dishwasher or leave them out to dry.” is not a complete. Sentence.
In conclusion, if she wants to leave such notes, it is best practice to cover herself so that people like me can’t come by and make her look. Like a hypocrite. For Fun!
Nov 16, 2007 at 9:36 am rating: 0
#67 the dawd
This one time in college, i had 3 room mates. 2 were very type A, the other one was a slob like me. One of the type A (lets call him A1) guys had a terrible phobia of people using a fork in the butter. This was the beginning of many good arguments all started with a fork full of butter. I never had so much fun learning to butter my toast with a fork.
The other type A (A2) was very germ-a-phobic. I almost drove this computer geek to violence after taking a bath in the upstairs bathroom, and conveniently forgetting to drain my “pool of filth.” He finally broke after i used his towel and folded it neatly on his labeled spot on the towel rack…wet.
PA is the only way to deal with troublesome room mates.
Go team don’t bother to clean the utensils.
Nov 16, 2007 at 9:37 am rating: 0