one loverly lady in illinois found this note on the door of her dorm room after a long day of classes. (the identity of the note-leaver is still a mystery, as is the meaning of the phrase “dollar sign flower slams easily.”)
adds our submitter: “when we had our next floor meeting, i did the not-so-passive thing of calling out ‘whoever wrote the note,’ saying that we were trying our hardest to keep her ‘lovely.’”
related: we hear you, man
104 responses so far ↓
#1
GVI
I think thats a “&” sign and not a dollar sign, but the flower is kind of a mystery though.
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:46 pm rating: 0
#2
Mishee
That flower kinda creeps me out…
So do the Xs and Os…
Do these chicks want to make out with submitter or something??
Too bad someone didn’t draw a penis in pink pen somewhere on this note…
That would be the best.
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:53 pm rating: +2
#3
Knick
The loverly ladies were . . . um, well, maybe better not to go there.
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:54 pm rating: +1
#4
anglophile
Now that’s a masterpiece of P/A!
Love the plausible deniability of the sarcastic *lovely*.
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:54 pm rating: +2
#5
Mishee
BTW PAN God, that “My Fair Lady” reference is…. beautiful..
(thought I was gonna say “fucking delicious” didn’t ya??)
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:55 pm rating: +2
#6
lola
I love the psychotic break at STOP SLAMMING.
There’s only so much medication can do for a person.
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:57 pm rating: +7
#7
Canthz_B
Those girls must really be slamming!
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:57 pm rating: 0
#8
Wade
Wouldn’t all the doors in a dorm be the same weight?
Unless “door” is code for something else.
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:57 pm rating: +4
#9
Canthz_B
I Like how “lovely” has been put up in lights…Ahh, Broadway at last!
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:58 pm rating: +2
#10
lola
Wade, it must be a “rather massive erect door.”
*wink*wink*
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:58 pm rating: 0
#11
morpho aurora
oh my, somebody was feeling creative – the starburst around lovely is lovely
so p/a
her neighbs should be thankful slamming was the problem – rocket pubes and sex noises could happen at any time
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:58 pm rating: +4
#12
GVI
All those hearts make the note seem like they are saying “We love you, but we will kill you if you don’t stop slamming your fucking door”
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:59 pm rating: +6
#13 Love ya, mean it « Caulk is cheap
[...] least expect) passive-aggressive behavior. I think that’s why I like this site so much. Here’s [...]
Nov 19, 2007 at 9:59 pm rating: +1
#14
Wade
Seems beauty really is only skin deep.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:01 pm rating: +3
#15
lola
If I knew these “ladies,” I would advise the girls to buy themselves a cheap futon, get themselves horny boyfriends, and give those door slammers a run for their money.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:02 pm rating: +3
#16
Wade
lola
I think the other girls used that first sentence to call the door-slammers heavy and easy.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:03 pm rating: 0
#17
Mishee
These “ladies” seem to remind me of a certain Junior League who doesn’t like music….
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:03 pm rating: +7
#18
lola
wade, thanks! the note is so much funnier now
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:04 pm rating: 0
#19
Andy
How do I love thee, let me count the ways:
Crazy symbols, check.
Way too complimentary, check.
Weirdo break at STOP SLAMMING (as noted above), check.
Reference to school official policies, check.
XOXO and hearts, check!
Man, that starburst is what pushes me over the edge with this one, I must say. Bravo!
I’d advise retorting as follows: dike off.
You may now resume your normal functions.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:10 pm rating: +9
#20
Wade
I wonder if the campus policy of 24 hour courtesy covers leaving unsolicited notes attached to other dorm room doors.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:10 pm rating: +5
#21
WanderingPenguin
I don’t believe that the 24-hour courtesy policy necessarily means 24 consecutive hours, Wade. So they’re probably off the hook. Team Loophole!
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:21 pm rating: +2
#22
Canthz_B
Policy #14: Notes left on dormroom doors must contain heiroglyphs.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:22 pm rating: +2
#23
WanderingPenguin
I guess what the other girls are really saying is:
“Please stop slamming your doors for the greater good or you will find your souls gone by morning. Thanks ever so!”
Hey! Maybe we can make “for the greater good” our new “fucking delicious”! W00T!
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:23 pm rating: +5
#24
morpho aurora
#20 wade as long as the note includes cute little drawings, it’s courteous
xoxo
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:26 pm rating: 0
#25
GVI
WP, I have some bad news for you…You Must Wear The Unitard!
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:29 pm rating: +1
#26
WanderingPenguin
GVI, that’s great news! They were working on the heating system here today and it’s effing freezing in here tonight. Any extra clothing will be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, I will have to resort to slamming all my doors repeatedly to generate some heat and, well… I don’t think I could handle a flowery note.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:32 pm rating: +4
#27
Writer, Rejected
Okay, the note is a perfect specimen, as noted above. But the reactions here are also amazing. Many references to penises, plus a few lesbian thoughts roaming through the minds of many. Hmm, people. Hmmm. Vewy Intewesting.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:34 pm rating: +4
#28
Writer, Rejected
That’s Elmer Fudd, not a typo.
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:37 pm rating: 0
#29
Canthz_B
Wook, dorm Nazi twacks! Heh, Heh, Heh, Heh, Heh!
Nov 19, 2007 at 10:42 pm rating: +1
#30
LC
Team Skitzy Note Leaver
Any of you ever had a heavy handed upstairs neighbor? Well…HAVE YA??
Goddamn…and don’t put your change-filled, button-laden jeans in the dryer at 2am either!
*LC lets out a primal scream into the black, black night*
Nov 19, 2007 at 11:21 pm rating: +1
#31
CC Rider
YAY!! LC (#30) I live in a flat where the folks upstairs loooove washing late at night. Sneakers, people……SNEAKERS in the dryer!! But hey, slamming doors = ok ; )
Nov 19, 2007 at 11:54 pm rating: +3
#32
goose
That greater good was fucking delicious.
Nov 19, 2007 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
#33
Canthz_B
Very impressive snide remark about there being one door heavier than the rest in a standardized residence hall…
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:11 am rating: 0
#34
Troy McClure
Wear it, goose.
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:11 am rating: +2
#35
Canthz_B
Please stop slamming your door.
You’re waking me,
While I’m trying to snore.
If I had infinite powers,
I’d enforce our rules,
All twenty-four hours.
But I don’t so I cannot,
I can, with a left hook,
Relieve you of some snot!
Can you avoid a punch in the nose?
Try gently closing your door,
I suppose.
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:28 am rating: +2
#36
Canthz_B
All I want is a room somewhere.
Some place quiet with nice fresh air.
You steal my bliss from me
Well ain’t this note just lovely?
Don’t slam your door you dumb butt-hole.
Now my scared cats I must console.
You’ve stolen peace from me,
Now ain’t this note just lovely?
Close your door with some dignity.
We all are sleeping,
Or can’t you see?
You’ll be the death of me,
Still I leave this note lovingly.
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:23 am rating: +2
#37
ian in hamburg
Careful analysis has revealed the flower to be a symbol of the sound the door makes when slammed.
Carry on.
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:23 am rating: +7
#38
Troy McClure
Damn, CB, you beat me to it! I blame time zones and insomnia.
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:36 am rating: 0
#39
Canthz_B
Manic-Depression rules!!
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:39 am rating: 0
#40
Canthz_B
RE:#38, Troy, I knew you were coming, so I baked a cake!
Nov 20, 2007 at 2:06 am rating: --1
#41
GezD
The most PA note ever in the world, ever. Ever.
Nov 20, 2007 at 7:03 am rating: +1
#42
unholyghost2003
My fav bit is the blue on blue. Perhaps in my lust for power tools and beer I missed some common bit of female behavior but…
who the hell has the time/money/inclination to buy pretty blue scratch pads? If the neighbor girls were being real NORMAL college women they would be awake/out during anytime the door was being slammed. Women who are concerned about beauty sleep in college need to have their sweater sets stolen and replaced with tube tops.
Nov 20, 2007 at 8:03 am rating: +4
#43
unholyghost2003
oh! the new edit feature makes me so happy … so very, very happy. PAN GOD you are TRULY wise and merciful!
Nov 20, 2007 at 8:06 am rating: --1
#44
dawn
I heart this note, I really do. Flowers, hearts, and symbolic hugs and kisses? All layered around a rock hard core of painfully polite sarcasm? *swoon*
Team Note Writer! How much do you want to bet she’s a bonafide Southern Belle?
Nov 20, 2007 at 8:34 am rating: +3
#45
Canthz_B
Has anyone noticed that the hearts are arranged symmetrically in decreasing size and then increasing size? Must be an art major!
Nov 20, 2007 at 8:36 am rating: +2
#46
Troy McClure
They’re shining heartbeams!
Nov 20, 2007 at 9:01 am rating: 0
#47
T-Bone
The other ladies on the floor should get some Excedrin P.M. Big bonus– it promotes loverly sleep.
Drugs are a good buffer when living with big groups of strangers.
Nov 20, 2007 at 9:39 am rating: +1
#48
Canthz_B
“Bartender, another round of NyQuil shots for all of us…our dorm-mate has a heavy door (hic)”!
Nov 20, 2007 at 9:56 am rating: +4
#49
MasterTwisted
Someone has to say it, Troy:
The unitard was fucking delicious.
Sorry.
Nov 20, 2007 at 9:57 am rating: --3
#50
Troy McClure
Yeah, I guess we’d better make them out of edible fabric.
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:10 am rating: 0
#51
FickleGal
I’d like to see a picture of these girls so we can determine how much beauty sleep they really do need.
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:11 am rating: +3
#52
unholyghost2003
Unless ALL the other women on the floor got together, discussed the door slamming issue and elected a person to write and post the note (after the wording of the note had been unanimously agreed upon) the note write has a lot of balls signing it “the other ladies on your floor” If I lived on that floor I would be pretty pissed at the note writer for implying that I am also a nut job and agree with her.
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:30 am rating: +2
#53
anglophile
Yeah, uhg2003, what if someone else on the floor has trouble falling asleep if there isn’t some door banging somewhere, and she asked the lovely ladies to please bang their door so she could get some beauty sleep? I think note-writer should have covered all the bases before she wrote the >lovely< note.
Wow, that post was a minefield of double entedres. Had to work hard to avoid saying things like “bang her to sleep.”
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:41 am rating: +7
#54
unholyghost2003
*snicker*
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:45 am rating: 0
#55
chonny
This has to be the most passive of the passive aggressive. The overuse of “lovely” along with heart and flower icons really cheeses it up. Love it.
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:47 am rating: +3
#56
Open English
This is a shining example of passive aggressiveness… I could totally see the note writer popping pills and trying not to shake as she writes this. I can feel the fury lol
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:48 am rating: +3
#57
mamason
If I were awakened by someones slamming door on a regular basis, I think I might hurt that someone on a regular basis!
Nov 20, 2007 at 10:50 am rating: +5
#58
Canthz_B
Maybe the hearts are a sign of indecisiveness…“I love you less, no…I love you more”.
Philosophy major, perhaps!
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:04 am rating: +4
#59
GhostWriter
I suspect the notewriter to be a closet mandatory-wearer-of-the-unitard, because this note is just too perfect. Something’s up with that “heavy door”…
I’m guessing that the door has been painted, posterised, egged, egg-shelled, puttied, plastered, taped, cellophaned, candle-dripped, buttered, peanut buttered, peanut-shelled, antiqued, gummed, shaving-creamed, whipped-creamed, expanding-foamed, easy-cheesed, cream-pied, breaded, seeded, shellacked, and Post-It noted (in that order) over the course of the semester.
No wonder (a) it’s heavy, and (b) they slam it all the time.
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:06 am rating: +5
#60
GhostWriter
Someone could simply stick a piece of foam on the doorjamb between the hinges…
…or they could go all plastic sorority bitch on them.
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:19 am rating: +3
#61
unholyghost2003
All I can think of when I read this note is the girl who lived down the hall from me in college. At the ripe age of 18 and a zaftig size 7 she wore only those knee to boob extra support panel panties under her J Crew chinos with her sweater sets (or in warm weather polo shirts with animals embroidered on them) and loafers. She was WASPY to the extreme and at night had a beauty ritual that began at 8:30pm (and somehow involved pajamas that had matching slippers and robes) and ended at 9:15pm. If disturbed (by firm door closing, laughter, joy of any kind) during her beauty ritual or after 9:15pm she would calmly explain that while might not care about themselves she preferred to be well rested for class. Since she got up at 5:00am everyday to style her hair, put on make-up, go to the gym, restyle her hair and reapply make-up (early morning at the gym is the best time to find industrious young men that she might be able to trap in marriage) she needed to sleep. We were all fine if we didn’t care if we looked like hags and were lonely spinsters well into our mid twenties but SHE had a plan for her life!
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:23 am rating: +3
#62
mamason
Oh, loverly ladies in dorm
Whose door is more heavy than norm
You constantly slam
Cuz you don’t give a damn
And I think it’s really bad form!
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:27 am rating: +8
#63
unholyghost2003
Applying foam to the doorjamb is “man work” and I PROMISE that our note writer does not do anything that could even theoretically involve tools of any kind.
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:28 am rating: +3
#64
suhayla
UHG#43:
In university I and most of the people I knew took a great deal of care in selecting stationary, since we would spend so much valuable time with it. Additionally, when most ‘normal’ college folks are out, normal door-closing likely sounds like slamming… Much like my own neighb’s footsteps sound like the coming apocalypse at 2:30 in the morning when I am trying to get to sleep (suffering from insomnia).
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:31 am rating: +1
#65
GhostWriter
“Stacy- what’s up with this note? We never slam the door!”
“I know, Tracy! …and someone always slams it when I’m in the shower; what’s up with that?”
“OmyGawd- me too! It’s like every time I take a shower, I get locked out of our room!”
“Yeah- what’s up with that? It’s like, now I have to get *Brenda* to open it up!”
“I Know! …and she is always, like, you know, checking me out in my towel!”
“OmyGawd- she totally does that!”
“I Know! What is UP with Brenda?”
“I don’t Know! Hey- hand me that body butter…”
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:36 am rating: +7
#66
unholyghost2003
suhayla
I *HOPE* you are being funny about the stationary … otherwise I think I need to apologize for what I did to your twin sets …
Nov 20, 2007 at 11:43 am rating: 0
#67
Brigid Keely
When I lived in dorms I had problems during certain times of the year when the heat would automaticaly kick on and the room would get super hot. So I’d open a window. This created a draft, and the door would just SLAM SHUT sometimes. I’d always freak out afterwards, worried that I’d woken up someone or offended someone or what have you, because I’m a neurotic freak. However, nobody ever commented, perhaps because they were dealing with the same door slamming issue.
I’m assuming that the note leaver is a rampaging asshole who can’t handle normal door activity, and sublimates rage and a feeling of helplessness with doodled flowers.
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:04 pm rating: +4
#68
unholyghost2003
HOLY PASSIVE AGGRESSION BATMAN!
We can now anonymously rate each other’s comments? Let the PA games begin!
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:06 pm rating: +3
#69
WanderingPenguin
Perhaps suhayla should have taken less time picking out “stationary” and more time learning how to actually spell “stationEry” properly in college. To me, that would have been the better path.
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:08 pm rating: +2
#70
Andy
The cool thing that they don’t want to tell you about the rating thing is that the lowest rated poster… well… will be joining Jimmy Hoffa under Giants Stadium.
How’s that for trimming posts, huh?
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:11 pm rating: +5
#71
WanderingPenguin
*shiver*
My “post” is “trimmed” just thinking about that, Andy.
(better read this quickly – it’s a’gonna be gone a’fore long, yew betcha…)
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:16 pm rating: +3
#72
mamason
#63- I’d bet the note writer has some experience with “tools”.
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:42 pm rating: +1
#73
alix
Sometimes the comments on these notes are funnier than the notes themselves (though that note was a pretty marvelous example of passive-aggressiveness, especially with all the “lovely ladies” reiteration). Canthz B, your poetry and songs are *brilliant*.
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:46 pm rating: +2
#74
Juliet
Oh wow! This note rules!!
Nov 20, 2007 at 12:57 pm rating: +1
#75
Erica C
Unholyghost 2003 – I always wished women like that would marry some closet case and find out years later.
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:04 pm rating: 0
#76
S.S.
I love how the note recipients always take such offense at the notes!!
I’ve lived in a dorm next to a study room that had one of those doors that closes automatically…you must hold it so that it doesn’t slam and shake up the whole floor.
It was so loud (especially at night) that it would makes us jump everytime it slammed.
Come on!! It’s not so hard to just hold the freaking door, is it?
Sincerely,
Team Note-Leaver
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:08 pm rating: +1
#77
Quite Contrary
I know who wrote this note! I lived with her in college! Would it surprise anyone to know that she had mother issues, was in a sorority, joined Junior League and was a raging alcoholic (closet, of course)by the time she was 40?
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:19 pm rating: +1
#78
unholyghost2003
Erica C,
better than when they marry a closet case is when, years later they accidentally out THEMSELVES. Years of man chasing only to decide they like the bun not the hot dog. Makes me giggle
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:21 pm rating: 0
#79
unholyghost2003
QC … TELL me she wore Sweater sets and was a booze hound for either GALLONS of white wine OR Gin.
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:24 pm rating: --1
#80
Quite Contrary
UHG2003: She LOVED sweater sets and espadrilles! Booze of choice…white wine.
You’re good.
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:34 pm rating: +1
#81
Andy
WP (#71): Yikes! I didn’t even realize that implication with my “post trimming” comment.
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:39 pm rating: 0
#82
Canthz_B
Perhaps the “lovely ladies” have lovely baby boys and the Mohel slams the door?
Nov 20, 2007 at 1:53 pm rating: 0
#83
Olivia
Sorry, but people slamming doors when they can probably hear it just as clearly as the rest of us is the most annoying thing everrrr. Live above/below/across from a chronic door-slammer and you’ll know what I mean. It takes approximately .3 seconds longer for you to shut the door with some restraint, rather than using your energy to slam it closed. Come on.
Team Lovely Other Ladies.
Nov 20, 2007 at 2:14 pm rating: +4
#84
unholyghost2003
YAY TROY!
BTW CB Nice way to get the “post trimming” back on topic!
Nov 20, 2007 at 2:42 pm rating: 0
#85
WanderingPenguin
Can I safely assume that Troy’s comment referenced in post #84 has been “trimmed”? Or is that “Heisa-d”?
Nov 20, 2007 at 3:31 pm rating: +2
#86
unholyghost2003
WP sort of. The comment was actually Mishee’s (I think) lamenting Troy being forgotten in the #73 compliment so I was offering Troy thanks for HIS hard work on songs … not that CB doesn’t work hard … ummm yeah
Nov 20, 2007 at 3:40 pm rating: +1
#87
Mishee
They both work hard!
*stay on topic*
*stay on topic*
*stay on topic*
While I am on topic – I would like to see the “Campus Policy” that states you MUST practice “24 hour Courtesy”… that would be interesting.
At the college I work at we just had to put a “No Gum” clause in the contract the students sign when they enroll, since apparently 20-somethings haven’t been taught how to dispose of it properly yet… I wonder if this door slamming issue has been like that for a while, so they decided to add it in the Campus Policy Agreement….
Nov 20, 2007 at 3:54 pm rating: 0
#88
Mishee
And while on that line… who the hell determines what Courtesy is? I can just imagine student court to hammer out these problems….
Boys, take it away…
Nov 20, 2007 at 3:59 pm rating: +1
#89
SHARKFAN
OMG! I work at a place where the door near my desk is slammed on a regular basis. Do you think I could borrow this note and edit it to suit my situation? On second thought, the guys I work with wouldn’t even get that is was directed at them. So never mind!
Nov 20, 2007 at 4:03 pm rating: +2
#90
WanderingPenguin
Perhaps if everyone in the college disposed of their gum on the doorjambs as they left each room there would be no more door-slamming issue.
Just a thought.
Nov 20, 2007 at 4:20 pm rating: +5
#91
PA Sympathizer
If they continue to slam the door, I would recommend stealing their door and stashing it somewhere. They would have a hard time slamming the door, with no door.
Nov 20, 2007 at 6:15 pm rating: +6
#92
Canthz_B
QC, if you are still here, congrats…you got “Word!” today!
Nov 20, 2007 at 6:20 pm rating: --1
#93
Canthz_B
Dorm residents like these should be given saloon-style doors. Like in the back of the video rental store!
Nov 20, 2007 at 6:32 pm rating: +3
#94
Quite Contrary
Thanks Canthz B! It’s the highlight of my week. That, and the fact that my college roommate have lost touch. I wonder why.
Oh, yes. She doesn’t have a sense of humor either.
Nov 20, 2007 at 6:47 pm rating: +1
#95
Mishee
How much time do you spend in the back of video rental stores CB??
Nov 20, 2007 at 7:00 pm rating: 0
#96
Mishee
#91 – Are you my mother? Cause that’s what she used to do to me when I would slam doors!
Nov 20, 2007 at 7:02 pm rating: 0
#97
Canthz_B
I’m there now Mishee…why do you think I bought a laptop?
Nov 20, 2007 at 7:07 pm rating: --1
#98
park rose
Re #64, 66 and 69. It’s a tricky one. Those damn homonyms.
‘e’ is for ‘envelope’, and ‘a’ is for???
It’s how I remember to spell stationery when I want to write about paper, and white-out, and not a car that’s stopped in the road.
Nov 21, 2007 at 4:56 am rating: 0
#99
lola
This message has been brought to you by the Department of Homeland Security and Grammar Control.
(They’re a very diverse department.)
Nov 21, 2007 at 9:23 am rating: +3
#100
Mishee
Possibly there are Deeply Carved Writings on the dorm room door too Lola?
#100!
Nov 21, 2007 at 10:03 am rating: 0
#101
Heywood Jablomie
#101 !! I’m cool! I’m in the cool guy club!
Mishee will you please get a life?
XXOO
Nov 21, 2007 at 11:34 am rating: --4
#102
Doug Keachie
Re #64, 66 and 69. and 90 something. It’s a tricky one. Those damn homonyms.
‘e’ is for ‘envelope’, and ‘a’ is for???
A is for the “A” Train, stopped at the “A” station.
That’s how I remember the “A” version.
It’s how I remember to spell stationery when I want to write about paper, and white-out, and not a car that’s stopped in the road.
Nov 22, 2007 at 1:43 am rating: 0
#103
bsc
$ sign = sleeping
flower = beauty
$ + flower = sleeping beauty.
Dec 28, 2007 at 6:58 pm rating: +1
#104
keeks
I think I wrote this. If I remember correctly, those girls were MEGA bitches and would also leave their alarm going off all morning long when they didn’t come home the night before.
Aug 6, 2009 at 4:06 pm rating: 0
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