i love how the notewriter quickly abandons the initial pretense here, then completely throws in the towel with the last line.
thanks to adam in san francisco for this masterpiece!
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!
“no” questions asked
November 26th, 2007 · 119 comments
EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!
FILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · san francisco · stealing · strangers
119 responses so far ↓
#1 Quite Contrary
I guess that was a rhetorical “no questions asked.”
But, I also find it interesting that they wondered about the boxes and not the flowers. What’s up with that?
Nov 26, 2007 at 6:47 pm rating: 0
#2 Wade
Looks like a job for… Heisa Monster!!
Nov 26, 2007 at 6:55 pm rating: 0
#3 Wade
I can’t tell if the first sentence a request, or a rhetorical question with the understood answer of, well, “no”.
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:00 pm rating: 0
#4 Canthz_B
“I mean come on guys, you could have had the boxes without comment if you had but left us the dirt and white flowers!”
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:02 pm rating: +2
#5 Canthz_B
All this needs is a “What would Jesus do?”
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:05 pm rating: +2
#6 Andy
Awww, that’s such a sad note. It’s so full of hopelessness and surrender.
But, I suppose it never hurts to ask.
Eh, that’s all I have for now.
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:09 pm rating: +3
#7 whOOt
What would Muhammad do?
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:12 pm rating: --2
#8 Troy McClure
This old Pete Seeger tune hardly needs any changes at all:
Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone?
Thieves have picked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the young thieves gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young thieves gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young thieves gone?
Returned boxes every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the young thieves gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young thieves gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young thieves gone?
Fed to heisa monsters every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where’ve the thieves remains all gone?
Long time passing
Where’ve the thieves remains all gone?
Long time ago
Where’ve the thieves remains all gone?
Gone to graveyards every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Covered with flowers every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:12 pm rating: +2
#9 Robin Claire
MS WORD SAD FACE!!
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:14 pm rating: +4
#10 Canthz_B
Where are the boxes,
That hold our flowers?
Flowers so pretty and white,
Were “borrowed” from us in the night.
They’ve taken even the dirt,
That’s lower than low we assert.
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:15 pm rating: +3
#11 Denagh
What jerks to rip off some ones flowers and the box to boot! What’s this sad world coming to when even dirt isn’t safe???
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:20 pm rating: +4
#12 Troy McClure
I think perhaps “WHITE” here stands for “Whacky Herb In The Extreme”.
Nov 26, 2007 at 7:31 pm rating: +1
#13 goose
The way you are “borrowing” our flower boxes makes Jesus cry.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:02 pm rating: +3
#14 GVI
Except- Why what?
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:03 pm rating: +1
#15 anglophile
No answers given.
Except–It was there.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:05 pm rating: +3
#16 GVI
Hmm, maybe it’s those lil dirt smearing kids who “borrowed” the boxes.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:05 pm rating: +1
#17 Mishee
Well, the Heisa Monster is too busy eating our comments lately to keep those damn kids at bay Gman!
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:07 pm rating: +1
#18 GVI
Looks like he ate part of that note too.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:11 pm rating: 0
#19 Troy McClure
That note’s held down with a great deal of tape, isn’t it? In fact, that looks airtight. I’ll bet there’s weaponized anthrax behind the note, as a surprise for anyone who “borrows” it.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:15 pm rating: +2
#20 dawn
Having been the victim of plant theft myself (someone dug up and made off with three azalea bushes from my front yard), I feel the notewriter’s pain. And the Wingdings sad face just adds that extra special touch.
Team Buy Your Own Damned Plants! Although, I’m pretty sure that dirt was fucking delicious.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:15 pm rating: +3
#21 Wade
I think people need to be more pro-active with their signs.
If they had posted:
These flower boxes are covered by the blood of Jesus. You deal with Him when you steal from us.
there would be no need for this note.
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/04/there-you-go-bringing-him-into-it-again/#more-174
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:18 pm rating: +2
#22 Writer, Rejected
Dirt, flowers, boxes? Delicious.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:18 pm rating: +1
#23 Troy McClure
If we are supposed to eat His flesh and drink His blood, then presumably plants, in holy vegetable communion, grow roots into his poo.
The dirt that you “borrowed” was the poo of Jesus.
Stop the scourge of hierocoprokleptomania.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:24 pm rating: +2
#24 BoggyWoggy
As Annie Lenox said,
“Whyyy-yyy-yyy-yy?
Please tell me…
Whyyy-yyy-yyyyy.”
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:34 pm rating: +3
#25 BoggyWoggy
What’s with the “typo? no worries. now you can click on your name and/or comment to edit” note I got when I submitted the above??? The frickin’ message has no capitals! The editor needs to READ HIS/HER OWN MESSAGE!
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:36 pm rating: --3
#26 Troy McClure
Kerry never uses capitals, haven’t you noticed? I’m assuming a piece of lettuce from a cubicle-neighbor’s lunch went flying one day, months ago now, & landed on her SHIFT key, & she’s been quietly waiting for him to notice and clean it off.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:51 pm rating: +1
#27 anglophile
That’s odd, Troy. My own personal No Caps Theory has been that Kerry has posted a sign reading “This is a passive aggressive note: Broken Shift Key” over her computer, but the IT team hasn’t gotten the hint yet.
Nov 26, 2007 at 8:56 pm rating: 0
#28 Writer, Rejected
She used a lot of tape; I guess maybe she feared they’d come back and steal the sign.
Nov 26, 2007 at 9:06 pm rating: +1
#29 Insanity Is Peaceful
The white flowers were fucking delicious!
(The dirt, however, was not so much.)
Nov 26, 2007 at 9:12 pm rating: --2
#30 Canthz_B
Maybe…
Nov 26, 2007 at 9:17 pm rating: --1
#31 Canthz_B
Maybe she’s…
Nov 26, 2007 at 9:22 pm rating: --1
#32 Juliet
Troy - that song “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?” gives itself to many, many parodies. Shortly after the Remembrance Day concert given by the students at the school I worked at last year, we applied that song to anything that was missing:
“Where have all the forks gone? Long time in passing…”
“Where has all the coffee gone? Long time in pa-assing, long time ago.”
“Where has my banana gone?”
Your version is especially appropriate!
Nov 26, 2007 at 9:47 pm rating: +1
#33 Canthz_B
Was the “AND ALL” the fake rock holding their spare keys?
Let’s see…Flower box, dirt, flowers. That would seem to be about all one would need.
Nov 26, 2007 at 10:41 pm rating: +2
#34 Keachie
Flower Boxes on the hillside,
Flower boxes affixed with sticky taffy,
Flower boxes, flower boxes, and they all look so plain.
There’s a white one, and a white one and a white and another white one,
And they’re all affixed with sticky taffy, which will snare any nasty crappy who would steal the boxes in the rain.
Nov 26, 2007 at 10:50 pm rating: +4
#35 Canthz_B
Silly but, to the tune of “Happy Birthday”…The note the neighbor intended to leave…
I am borrowing your plants,
Must spruce up for my aunts.
They are leaving on Sunday,
I’ll return them to you.
Nov 26, 2007 at 10:53 pm rating: +2
#36 Troy McClure
Nice one Keachie!
Nov 26, 2007 at 10:56 pm rating: --1
#37 Simster
I appreciate the “no questions asked” “except why???” This clearly indicates that “why???” will be the only question asked and no further interrogation will be entered into. A great relief for the returners of the “borrowed” flower boxes. For surely, knowing that “why???” will be the only question, they are sure to be inspired to bring the boxes (and flowers and dirt) back post haste.
Nov 26, 2007 at 11:28 pm rating: +2
#38 MustangSally
Troy McClure is fuckin’ delicious
Nov 26, 2007 at 11:58 pm rating: --2
#39 Canthz_B
Why would our home you defile?
Can’t we have a nice domicile?
They were really cute flower boxes.
Are you jealous that we here,
Are all sexy foxes?
Why come by in the night,
Steal only the ones that are white,
While we all lay asleep in our beds,
Leaving us with just yellows and reds?
Nov 27, 2007 at 12:35 am rating: +1
#40 A.A guy
Somebody stole your flowers and boxes and dirt(is dirt theft really stealing?).They are not going to return your stuff no matter how nicely you ask.Would you like to know why?Because they STOLE IT you bonehead.
Nov 27, 2007 at 12:43 am rating: +4
#41 Troy McClure
Is dirt theft really stealing? Are you kidding? Dirt thieves make up 38% of the demand of the money laundry industry.
Nov 27, 2007 at 12:49 am rating: +2
#42 A.A guy
Damn,wrong again!
Nov 27, 2007 at 1:26 am rating: +1
#43 Canthz_B
#39…please replace “lay” with “lie” in line 8 as you read this piece…I can be slow sometimes!
“Now I lay me down to sleep” always makes me do that wrong!
Nov 27, 2007 at 2:34 am rating: +1
#44 Canthz_B
laid / lain / lay
Laid is the past tense and the past participle of the verb lay and not the past tense of lie.
Lay is the past tense of the verb lie and lain is the past participle: “He laid his books down and lay down on the couch, where he has lain for an hour.”
OK, Now I am truly confused so read #39 knowing what I mean!! I hated language arts class! ROTFL
Nov 27, 2007 at 2:45 am rating: +1
#45 WendyB
This made my day.
Nov 27, 2007 at 2:52 am rating: +1
#46 kureshii
I love the “borrowed” in quotation marks - PA at its finest.
Nov 27, 2007 at 3:11 am rating: +3
#47 Canthz_B
Someone has “borrowed”our
Boxes for flowers.
We are not going to stress much,
Not lose sleep for hours.
Our white blossoms took such care,
To properly cultivate and weed,
Perhaps to get them back,
A “No questions asked” note is in need.
We will not press charges,
No punch in your eye,
We promise, no questions,
We just have to know why?
Nov 27, 2007 at 3:23 am rating: +2
#48 whatever
Your poems are bad,
Why do you bother trying?
Shut the hell up please.
Nov 27, 2007 at 3:28 am rating: --4
#49 ghostly 1
CB you r the man…keep the rimes coming!
“whatever”………….whatever.
Nov 27, 2007 at 3:53 am rating: --1
#50 Canthz_B
#8816
Nov 27, 2007 at 4:13 am rating: +2
#51 tenbatsu
#48
whatever insults you
have should maybe be left for
self evolution
Nov 27, 2007 at 4:52 am rating: 0
#52 Paul
Will the people I took the flower boxes from (white flowers, dirt, and btw you forgot the spray bottle full of miracle grow) make up their mind’s about the the no questions asked?
Ask another question and the gardenia gets it!
Nov 27, 2007 at 6:49 am rating: +4
#53 maerong
Number fifty-one
Do you count with your fingers?
Try again, smart arse
Nov 27, 2007 at 7:56 am rating: +1
#54 ghostly 1
#53, I think it means that even a insult would be an step in the right direction 4 #48.
Try again, smart arse,
Nov 27, 2007 at 8:16 am rating: --3
#55 Lurker
My boxes of flowers you “borrowed;”
Please “return” them today or tomorrow.
No questions ask I
(Except perhaps, “Why?).
A frownie expresses my sorrow.
Nov 27, 2007 at 8:35 am rating: +8
#56 Katzndogz
Why did I take your box of white flowers? Because it’s after Labor Day, you uncivilized neanderthal!
Nov 27, 2007 at 8:58 am rating: +8
#57 maerong
Number fifty-four
Put your fingers in your ears
If you feel the draught
Nov 27, 2007 at 9:25 am rating: 0
#58 GhostWriter
Dear Neighbors,
They are not your flower boxes! They are my toolboxes (which you stole while I was working under my Chevy.)
Here’s one question for you- gimme back my torque wrench!
- grumpy old man next door
Nov 27, 2007 at 9:28 am rating: +5
#59 ghostly 1
#57, What colour is the sky in your world?
You were too stupid to get the gist of #51’s joke, and too stupid to see that I was fucking with you!
Try yet again smart arse!! And whilst at it, put your fingers in your ears should you feel a draught!
Nov 27, 2007 at 9:43 am rating: --3
#60 GhostWriter
Ghostly 1, I follow that #59 addresses #57 and #51, while #57 addresses #54, which addresses #53 and #48, (and so on…) but other than this fishbone diagram, I have no idea what you are talking about.
If you insist on working the ghostly side of the street, you must wear the unitard.
Nov 27, 2007 at 9:53 am rating: +2
#61 Canthz_B
There once was a man from Nantuck…Oh screw it! Let these cretins have at it for awhile…I have things to do!
Nov 27, 2007 at 9:56 am rating: 0
#62 ghostly 1
I didnt know there was another spectre around GhostWriter, do you mind terribly if i keep this name?
Nov 27, 2007 at 10:03 am rating: --4
#63 GhostWriter
Cretin submission #1:
White posies were grown in Pawtucket
’til bandits appeared and they took it
with dirt, box and all.
One question stumps all;
perhaps they had outgrown a bucket?
Nov 27, 2007 at 10:09 am rating: +3
#64 Canthz_B
Not you GW, You know the deal.
The kids!
Nov 27, 2007 at 10:11 am rating: 0