daniel m. saw this note in a men’s room on the 59th floor of the empire state building, where he confirms the toilets were indeed frequently left unflushed.
related: priorities; et tu, dora?
choose-your-own adventure memo
December 4th, 2007 · 124 comments
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Tags: memo · new york · office · pleasantries as afterthought · toilet
124 responses so far ↓
#1 Cheesemonkey
If I was one of these defecating exhibitionists, I think I would increase the frequency of my art, just to spite the angry note writer.
Dec 4, 2007 at 8:50 am rating: +2
#2 Troy McClure
Have you been a grown-up for long?
It seems to me something is wrong…
The Empire State
Building … oh, wait!
I know who you are: King Kong!
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:01 am rating: +6
#3 kureshii
If it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down.
I like the DO NOT REMOVE THANK YOU at the very top, in ALL CAPS no less.
A simple underlined MEMO heading, near-perfect grammar (and perfect spelling and punctuation!), impeccable politeness… is this really a PA note? I don’t smell any A in there… *sniff sniff*
I would probably have replied “thanks for the offer, but you really don’t have to flush it for me, I like it that way” =)
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:07 am rating: +2
#4 amy d
I have to go with Team Flush the Dookie on this one
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:21 am rating: +2
#5 A.A guy
He/She takes turns flushing the toilet? Try riding the elevator for that extra New York moment. WEEEEEEE!
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:21 am rating: +3
#6 GhostWriter
…if the answer is “I was born in the wagon of a traveling show” ” then then all is forgiven, but only because I have a soft spot in my heart for gypsies, tramps and thieves.
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:29 am rating: +8
#7 acolyte
I like the mixture of anger and shaming that is used in this note! Plus the very plastic “have a nice day” at the end.
Now I’m just waiting for a “fucking delicious” comment………..
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:33 am rating: +3
#8 A.A guy
I’m with team mellow yellow on this one.There’s nothing wrong with saving a flush or two,I’m all for saving water.If it’s a honkin triple-coiler that’s a different story.
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:34 am rating: +6
#9 T-Bone
The culprit dropping the kids off at the pool isn’t going to bother reading this nicely-worded, polite note. Good alternative note: FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET.
After all, it is NYC.
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:36 am rating: +5
#10 GhostWriter
Thanks to Wally’s ever-present candydish of peanuts, almonds and cheddar cheese nuggets, there is no point in flushing within 30 minutes of log-laying.
In fact, the only thing that seems to speed up the process is two cups of muriatic acid, unless you plan to work it with a butter knife.
Sure Happy It’s Tuesday!
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:36 am rating: 0
#11 A.A guy
If the unitard was replaced with the “thongitard” perhaps fear would deter us from the “FD” transgression.
For the greater good.
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:37 am rating: +5
#12 A.A guy
Log laying…….triple tee -hee!
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:39 am rating: +2
#13 Denagh
What pigs..there’s no saving water at the office! They pay for it. Flush the damn toilet you Toads.
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:41 am rating: +2
#14 A.A guy
That’s Mr. Toad,and welcome to my wild ride(every third or fourth flush).
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:47 am rating: +3
#15 Ariadne
Why are there so many questions in this memo? Doesn’t the writer know any other way to get his message across? If not, where did he go to school? If yes, why didn’t he write some statements rather than pose everything as a question? Is it possible that he just really, really likes question marks??
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:51 am rating: +11
#16 Katzndogz
This note is so perfectly anal (heh) in execution and design and yet I’m anal (heh) enough to see that the THANK YOU should be more centered underneath the DO NOT REMOVE.
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:52 am rating: +3
#17 Abe Lincoln
I find that those nonflushers tend to be people raised outside of the U.S…. Commy Pigs…
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:55 am rating: --2
#18 Bucklehoneysuckle
“I don’t think I should have to do it for you before it’s my turn.”
So… we are taking “turns” on the toilet? Is it a bathroom or a kid’s playground?
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:00 am rating: +1
#19 kureshii
Looks like we’re in the same boat, I’m anal enough to see that there’s a double-space after “Please flush the toilets.”
And yeah, frequent use of rhetorical questions FTL.
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:00 am rating: +2
#20 Sparkles
I think it is likely that the writer is getting a huge enough kick out of being so unassailably right that we as an audience are being denied our smileys and clip art in this instance.
His smugness is understated but present in the use of the ‘do not remove’ adhesive label of some sort. I especially enjoy the way the label is incorporated into the assemblage holding the note to the wall.
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:09 am rating: +4
#21 anglophile
Just because I was raised in the wild by wolves doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I’m filing a workplace harassment suit. This note definitely creates a hostile environment.
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:12 am rating: +4
#22 Rocky
While you are all extolling the virtues of the layout, grammar and content of this PAN, apparently no-one noted that “If the answer is no, then why would you leave it unflushed at the office?” is NOT answerable by a “yes” or a “no” ….Therefore, the follow-up question “if the answer is yes, who raised you?” is just the writer venting his life-long accumulated frustrations……
WHY YES, this IS a PAN indeed!
BTW: According to Merriam-Webster, “unflushed” is not a word…….
And then I realized, no comment yet from WP - who would have caught this immediately……..
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:14 am rating: +3
#23 Sparkles
I love this site.
The questionable martyrdom of ‘I don’t think I should have to do it for you.’ also qualifies as PA in my book.
As a whole the note doesn’t really hit the heights of previous postings, yet as usual the quality of the commentaries is superb!
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:18 am rating: +4
#24 A.A guy
Urine….coming soon to a toilet near you.
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:19 am rating: +3
#25 GhostWriter
I am looking forward to the day that our notewriter actually stops flushing for the inconsiderate, and doubles down on the deal.
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:28 am rating: +3
#26 Writer, Rejected
I love the martyred tone of “I don’t think I should have to do it for you before it’s my turn.” Something about everyone getting a turn to take a dump on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building is really quite priceless. In fact, I think it should become an official stopping and dumping point on every tourist’s visit. You know how hard it is to find a public bathroom in the big apple. This could be a perfect solution. As for flushing, I say each to his own conscience and breeding.
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:53 am rating: +7
#27 Still Bonkers
I like the fact that the note is placed in a tidy, urine proof plastic sleeve. It also appears that the note has possibly been folded. Possibly it was shoved in someone’s IN box and this person, who is totally without guilt decided to post it.
Dec 4, 2007 at 10:56 am rating: +3
#28 unholyghost2003
I don’t care if you have started shitting little orange men with harpoon guns and are worried about the effect they might have on the sewer ecosystem. FLUSH THE GOD DAMN TOILET!
Not flushing results in an excess of doody and TP in the toilet … which can result in an ‘Over Flow Situation’ if someone else sits w/o looking.
Your poop is NOTHING SPECIAL . I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. I don’t CARE if you are drinking enough water. The color of your urine does not interest me. I am HORRIFIED by the idea that in an emergency pee type situation I might sit and have YOUR pee water splash MY rear end.
If you do not flush your waste I HATE you and want you dead.
If you want to “leave the yellow mellow” do it in your own home, not in public.
Dec 4, 2007 at 11:15 am rating: +7
#29 Juliet
Team Flush it Down!!!
Nothing is grosser than going into a public washroom and discovering a toilet filled with someone’s pee/poo.
Dec 4, 2007 at 11:26 am rating: +2
#30 Jodi Blaze
“Captain’s Log…..”
….only in NYC
Dec 4, 2007 at 11:34 am rating: +1
#31 Eilis
I worked with a doctor who said he would never keep his toothbrush within ten feet of a toilet due to the germs that become airborne when the toilet is flushed. Eww! Now I have to turn my back on a flushing toilet and try to get the hell out of the stall as quickly as possible, while holding my breath of course.
Dec 4, 2007 at 11:48 am rating: +3
#32 b0xxx
I think if I was in NYC my note would simply have been “I appreciate all you have done to conserve water by not flushing after you shit. After some deliberation and much peanuts and even more nachos, I’m fully on board. Signed, Not-going-to-flush-either”.
Dec 4, 2007 at 11:55 am rating: +2
#33 mamason
Dear note writer,
Yes. It is too much of a hardship for me to flush the toilet. I lost both arms and a leg in a terrible shopping bag incident. It’s all I can do to hop to the bowl! And it’s starting to get too cold for the kilt! But I digest.
No, I don’t leave the toilet at home unflushed. My helping hands monkey takes care of it for me. Unfortunately, I can’t bring him to work with me due to liability concerns. So honestly, any help you can give will be greatly appreciated. Am currently seeking a wiper.
P.S. It was me mudder whut raised me.
Dec 4, 2007 at 12:03 pm rating: +10
#34 marla
If someone’s not flushing their poo at work, that’s even more p/a than leaving an angry note about it. Just man up already and ask for a raise, douchebag.
And the yellow/brown rule does not apply in public bathrooms that are hooked up to a public water system.
Dec 4, 2007 at 12:17 pm rating: +2
#35 Wade
Maybe it’s a cultural thing.
“If your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling ‘Y’all come look before I flush it!’, you might be a redneck.” — Jeff Foxworthy
Dec 4, 2007 at 12:21 pm rating: +4
#36 Space Monkey
Water baptism is only proper any time you make a sacrifice to the Porcelain Gods. Otherwise you will be stricken with the affliction of Montezuma’s Curse.
…and nobody wants Hershey Squirts backsplash, either.
Team Flush Your Caca
Dec 4, 2007 at 12:34 pm rating: +1
#37 Writer, Rejected
Hey, thank you, PAN God. Thank you for restoring LITERARY REJECTIONS ON DISPLAY to the blog roll. I feel redeemed. I will from now on always flush turds, throw chewed gum in the garbage, wash dishes (but never leave them too long without putting them away). And I will stop throwing cat hair and cats out the window. All because of your kindness. Thank you.
Dec 4, 2007 at 12:58 pm rating: +4
#38 amazon
I kinda agree with Ari in 15.3… the toilets at my school don’t flush well, and there is occasionally some post-flush nastiness left behind. What I never understand is how pee gets on the toilet seats in a women’s restroom!
This guy makes it seem like a huge problem. I bet it only happened once, which offended his delicate sensibilities, leaving him unable to eat lunch that day. So he saved his lunch in the refrigerator, and when he came to work the next day, someone had stolen it! Leaving notes on the fridge is clearly PA, so he decided to take it out on the bathroom community instead.
Dec 4, 2007 at 1:07 pm rating: +5