Choose-your-own adventure memo

December 4th, 2007 · 125 comments

Daniel saw this note in a men’s room on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building, where he confirms the toilets were indeed frequently left unflushed.

583706925_f8e057cc81.jpg

related: Priorities

FILED UNDER: memo · New York · office · pleasantries as afterthought · rhetorical question · toilet


125 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Cheesemonkey

    If I was one of these defecating exhibitionists, I think I would increase the frequency of my art, just to spite the angry note writer.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 8:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Troy McClure bang

    Have you been a grown-up for long?
    It seems to me something is wrong…
    The Empire State
    Building … oh, wait!
    I know who you are: King Kong!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:01 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Cheesemonkey

      People who are doing this are possibly getting a thrill out of anonymously enraging strangers and colleagues. The note just tells these leavers of ploppies that they have succeeded. So they might as well keep at it!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 9:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   kureshii bang

    If it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down.

    I like the DO NOT REMOVE THANK YOU at the very top, in ALL CAPS no less.

    A simple underlined MEMO heading, near-perfect grammar (and perfect spelling and punctuation!), impeccable politeness… is this really a PA note? I don’t smell any A in there… *sniff sniff*

    I would probably have replied “thanks for the offer, but you really don’t have to flush it for me, I like it that way” =)

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Katzndogz bang

      I think “who raised you?” would be the aggressive part.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 9:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   amy d bang

    I have to go with Team Flush the Dookie on this one

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   A.A guy

    He/She takes turns flushing the toilet? Try riding the elevator for that extra New York moment. WEEEEEEE!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   GhostWriter bang

    …if the answer is “I was born in the wagon of a traveling show” ” then then all is forgiven, but only because I have a soft spot in my heart for gypsies, tramps and thieves.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:29 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   acolyte

    I like the mixture of anger and shaming that is used in this note! Plus the very plastic “have a nice day” at the end.
    Now I’m just waiting for a “fucking delicious” comment………..

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   A.A guy

    I’m with team mellow yellow on this one.There’s nothing wrong with saving a flush or two,I’m all for saving water.If it’s a honkin triple-coiler that’s a different story.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   T-Bone

    The culprit dropping the kids off at the pool isn’t going to bother reading this nicely-worded, polite note. Good alternative note: FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET.

    After all, it is NYC.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   GhostWriter bang

    Thanks to Wally’s ever-present candydish of peanuts, almonds and cheddar cheese nuggets, there is no point in flushing within 30 minutes of log-laying.

    In fact, the only thing that seems to speed up the process is two cups of muriatic acid, unless you plan to work it with a butter knife.

    Sure Happy It’s Tuesday!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   GhostWriter bang

      oh Oh OH! I forgot to mention that we’ve asked Wally to take it easy on the nuts and cheese, but he finds them so damn fucking delicious.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 9:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Rocky

      Unitard for the GhostWriter!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   A.A guy

    If the unitard was replaced with the “thongitard” perhaps fear would deter us from the “FD” transgression.

    For the greater good.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   A.A guy

    Log laying…….triple tee -hee!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Denagh

    What pigs..there’s no saving water at the office! They pay for it. Flush the damn toilet you Toads.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   A.A guy

    That’s Mr. Toad,and welcome to my wild ride(every third or fourth flush).

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Ariadne bang

    Why are there so many questions in this memo? Doesn’t the writer know any other way to get his message across? If not, where did he go to school? If yes, why didn’t he write some statements rather than pose everything as a question? Is it possible that he just really, really likes question marks??

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:51 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   anglophile bang

      Ariadne, why do you ask? Do you think the writer will show up and tell you? Don’t you know how many people there are in the world? What makes you think the writer will ever know he’s been posted on PAN? Doesn’t everyone like question marks???

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:01 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Bucklehoneysuckle bang

      Should I like question marks? What has a question mark done for me lately? Or should I tell myself “It’s not what the question mark can do for you, but what you can do for the question mark”?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:05 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Ariadne bang

      Anglo – do you think we’ll ever know the answer to these questions? Is it possible that the water pressure on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building is weak, and that even when someone does flush, the toilet doesn’t completely empty? Couldn’t the note-writer simply use a urinal instead??

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   GhostWriter bang

      Yeah! Remember “Kingpin” when Ishmael simply used a urinal instead?

      Team Nothing-Trumps-A-Urinal-Cake-Like-A-Urinal-Log

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   WanderingPenguin bang

      Why is there only one note? With all the questions yet to be answered, shouldn’t there have been a follow-up note from The Unflusher? Doesn’t “The Unflusher” sound like the handle for an English king from the Middle Ages – such as “Elorean The Unflusher”? Or do you think it’s more like the title of a horror novel? Why am I so far off-topic only four questions in? Do you want another question about the note? If yes, do you think the comma after “Thank you” was just a little superfluous? If no, how about this weather, huh?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:27 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   amy d

      Unflusher reminds me of Unabomber. Strangely fitting, eh?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 12:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   anglophile bang

      Ariadne, is is really such a triumph to gain Word! of the Day with a completely rhetorical comment? Would you have thought this comment would win? If the answer is no, why would you write it? If the answer is yes, who taught you to write?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 9:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Katzndogz bang

    This note is so perfectly anal (heh) in execution and design and yet I’m anal (heh) enough to see that the THANK YOU should be more centered underneath the DO NOT REMOVE.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      Why? The “DO NOT REMOVE” and the “THANK YOU” are left aligned (much like our beloved PAN Comments: Thank you KERRY for returning to left alignment!)

      Dec 4, 2007 at 1:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Katzndogz bang

      Yeah, I know it’s left aligned. If there’s only two lines, they should be center aligned – at least in my neurotic world.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Abe Lincoln

    I find that those nonflushers tend to be people raised outside of the U.S…. Commy Pigs…

    Dec 4, 2007 at 9:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Bucklehoneysuckle bang

    “I don’t think I should have to do it for you before it’s my turn.”

    So… we are taking “turns” on the toilet? Is it a bathroom or a kid’s playground?

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   kureshii bang

    Looks like we’re in the same boat, I’m anal enough to see that there’s a double-space after “Please flush the toilets.” ;-)

    And yeah, frequent use of rhetorical questions FTL.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Numinous bang

      Um, I was always taught that a double space was correct after the end of sentence punctuation. Am I showing my anal side now too?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   anglophile bang

      Team Double Space! A pox on automatic-space-removing software.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Troy McClure bang

      At least in LaTeX, not double-spacing after the end of a sentence (or colon (heh)) is called “French spacing.” I double-space. (And I call it “Freedom spacing.”)

      Dec 4, 2007 at 5:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Sparkles

    I think it is likely that the writer is getting a huge enough kick out of being so unassailably right that we as an audience are being denied our smileys and clip art in this instance.

    His smugness is understated but present in the use of the ‘do not remove’ adhesive label of some sort. I especially enjoy the way the label is incorporated into the assemblage holding the note to the wall.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   anglophile bang

    Just because I was raised in the wild by wolves doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I’m filing a workplace harassment suit. This note definitely creates a hostile environment.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Rocky

    While you are all extolling the virtues of the layout, grammar and content of this PAN, apparently no-one noted that “If the answer is no, then why would you leave it unflushed at the office?” is NOT answerable by a “yes” or a “no” ….Therefore, the follow-up question “if the answer is yes, who raised you?” is just the writer venting his life-long accumulated frustrations……
    WHY YES, this IS a PAN indeed!

    BTW: According to Merriam-Webster, “unflushed” is not a word…….

    And then I realized, no comment yet from WP – who would have caught this immediately……..

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Rocky, thanks for the shout out. Just got here. :)

      I think you need to think of the two “If the answer is…” questions as two branches on a linguistic flowchart. The root, of course, is the question: “Would you leave the toilet unflushed at your home?”

      “Unflushed” is just a little poetic license in an otherwise black & white (literally) note. Think of it as the clip art or hand-drawn pink penis that this note is sorely missing.

      Hope that helps. :D

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Sparkles

    I love this site.

    The questionable martyrdom of ‘I don’t think I should have to do it for you.’ also qualifies as PA in my book.

    As a whole the note doesn’t really hit the heights of previous postings, yet as usual the quality of the commentaries is superb!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   A.A guy

    Urine….coming soon to a toilet near you.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    I am looking forward to the day that our notewriter actually stops flushing for the inconsiderate, and doubles down on the deal.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Writer, Rejected

    I love the martyred tone of “I don’t think I should have to do it for you before it’s my turn.” Something about everyone getting a turn to take a dump on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building is really quite priceless. In fact, I think it should become an official stopping and dumping point on every tourist’s visit. You know how hard it is to find a public bathroom in the big apple. This could be a perfect solution. As for flushing, I say each to his own conscience and breeding.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:53 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Still Bonkers

    I like the fact that the note is placed in a tidy, urine proof plastic sleeve. It also appears that the note has possibly been folded. Possibly it was shoved in someone’s IN box and this person, who is totally without guilt decided to post it.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 10:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   unholyghost2003 bang

    I don’t care if you have started shitting little orange men with harpoon guns and are worried about the effect they might have on the sewer ecosystem. FLUSH THE GOD DAMN TOILET!
    Not flushing results in an excess of doody and TP in the toilet … which can result in an ‘Over Flow Situation’ if someone else sits w/o looking.

    Your poop is NOTHING SPECIAL . I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. I don’t CARE if you are drinking enough water. The color of your urine does not interest me. I am HORRIFIED by the idea that in an emergency pee type situation I might sit and have YOUR pee water splash MY rear end.

    If you do not flush your waste I HATE you and want you dead.

    If you want to “leave the yellow mellow” do it in your own home, not in public.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 11:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Juliet bang

    Team Flush it Down!!!

    Nothing is grosser than going into a public washroom and discovering a toilet filled with someone’s pee/poo.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 11:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      It’s certainly more gross than gum on a chopping board. ;)

      Dec 4, 2007 at 11:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      WP,
      I disagree. Gum on a chopping board is worse. I can flush after you with my foot. I will curse you and hate you, but I don’t have to TOUCH anything that has been inside your body. The only way to clean up gum is to touch it. It is sticky and nasty and has been inside your nasty ass mouth and ……blood lust rising…..

      Dec 4, 2007 at 11:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   WanderingPenguin bang

      You have to touch it? Why? Can’t you just pick it up as if you were cleaning up after a dog – with an inside-out bag? :D

      Dec 4, 2007 at 12:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      well OBVIOUSLY I wear latex gloves and use a papertowel in a grocery bag … but I can still feel the horrible gooy texture. yuck yuck yuck.

      With toilet flushing I can flush with my foot and run away.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 12:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   WanderingPenguin bang

      Maybe you need to invest in one of those bomb-disposal robots for the gum issues. Otherwise… not much help from this corner, sorry. :D

      Dec 4, 2007 at 1:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Jodi Blaze

    “Captain’s Log…..”

    ….only in NYC

    Dec 4, 2007 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Eilis bang

    I worked with a doctor who said he would never keep his toothbrush within ten feet of a toilet due to the germs that become airborne when the toilet is flushed. Eww! Now I have to turn my back on a flushing toilet and try to get the hell out of the stall as quickly as possible, while holding my breath of course.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 11:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Rita

      OMG, Eilis #31, I do the same thing!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 10:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   b0xxx

    I think if I was in NYC my note would simply have been “I appreciate all you have done to conserve water by not flushing after you shit. After some deliberation and much peanuts and even more nachos, I’m fully on board. Signed, Not-going-to-flush-either”.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 11:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   mamason bang

    Dear note writer,
    Yes. It is too much of a hardship for me to flush the toilet. I lost both arms and a leg in a terrible shopping bag incident. It’s all I can do to hop to the bowl! And it’s starting to get too cold for the kilt! But I digest.
    No, I don’t leave the toilet at home unflushed. My helping hands monkey takes care of it for me. Unfortunately, I can’t bring him to work with me due to liability concerns. So honestly, any help you can give will be greatly appreciated. Am currently seeking a wiper.
    P.S. It was me mudder whut raised me.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 12:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   amy d bang

      Ha ha ha ha. Mamason, you are the woman.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 12:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   marla

    If someone’s not flushing their poo at work, that’s even more p/a than leaving an angry note about it. Just man up already and ask for a raise, douchebag.
    And the yellow/brown rule does not apply in public bathrooms that are hooked up to a public water system.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 12:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Wade bang

    Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

    “If your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling ‘Y’all come look before I flush it!’, you might be a redneck.” — Jeff Foxworthy

    Dec 4, 2007 at 12:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Rocky

      But only if she saw the face of Jesus in it….
      - the Cable Guy.

      Dec 5, 2007 at 9:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Space Monkey bang

    Water baptism is only proper any time you make a sacrifice to the Porcelain Gods. Otherwise you will be stricken with the affliction of Montezuma’s Curse.

    …and nobody wants Hershey Squirts backsplash, either.

    Team Flush Your Caca

    Dec 4, 2007 at 12:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Writer, Rejected

    Hey, thank you, PAN God. Thank you for restoring LITERARY REJECTIONS ON DISPLAY to the blog roll. I feel redeemed. I will from now on always flush turds, throw chewed gum in the garbage, wash dishes (but never leave them too long without putting them away). And I will stop throwing cat hair and cats out the window. All because of your kindness. Thank you.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 12:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   amazon bang

    I kinda agree with Ari in 15.3… the toilets at my school don’t flush well, and there is occasionally some post-flush nastiness left behind. What I never understand is how pee gets on the toilet seats in a women’s restroom!

    This guy makes it seem like a huge problem. I bet it only happened once, which offended his delicate sensibilities, leaving him unable to eat lunch that day. So he saved his lunch in the refrigerator, and when he came to work the next day, someone had stolen it! Leaving notes on the fridge is clearly PA, so he decided to take it out on the bathroom community instead.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 1:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   amy d bang

      The answer is one of 2 things:

      1 Hovering

      or

      2 Backsplash from the flush (depending upon the power of the flush)

      Dec 4, 2007 at 1:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   GhostWriter bang

      …and if you haven’t yet caught amy d’s “hovering raincloud” act, you are in for a treat. It’s mystifying!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 1:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   WanderingPenguin bang

      See, I was kinda hoping that this would have been treated as more of a rhetorical question. :| Yuck!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   Space Monkey bang

      Totally OT, but, I once sat on a toilet only to discover (too late) that the entire seat was wet .
      Either this person:
      (a) walked in, immediately turned around, pulled her pants down, hovered over- well, apparently nothing , or at least not the toilet seat- backed up while pissing the entire way, drenched the entire seat when she finally got there and didnt bother to clean it up.
      Or
      (b) the back splash on that toilet was similar to the graceful and delicate blowhole emission from an angry adult Orca whale.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:15 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.5   Karen bang

      Ass Gaskets – only in California. We have them everywhere here. I rarely see them in any other state – or country.

      Sometimes you just gotta double-up !

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.6   amy d bang

      Not on this site, WP.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.7   unholyghost2003 bang

      Karen,
      Ass gasket … please explain.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.8   Karen bang

      ROFLMAO, you’re kidding, right uhg ?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.9   unholyghost2003 bang

      nope! I am unfamiliar with this term.

      WAIT! does it mean toilet seat cover? We have THOSE everywhere … if this is some kind of device you insert … I’m going to stop right there.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 3:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.10   Karen bang

      LOL…good call on the “stop right there” !

      Dec 4, 2007 at 3:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   WanderingPenguin bang

    You know, upon closer inspection I am not sure that the note is showing fold marks and is encased in a plastic sleeve; rather, I think it’s possible that it has been affixed to the wall with a sealing coat of packing tape.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      I agree. The note seems to have been laminated to the wall … thus rendering the “DO NOT REMOVE” VERY P.A.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 1:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   Wade bang

      Perhaps the lamination was applied to allow for easy removal of any subsequent rejoinders from the colleagues: for instance, say, pink penises.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 4:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Wade bang

    Once again, Times New Roman.

    I agree that Comic Sans is no good for P-A notes, but can’t we have a little more imagination than the default font.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 1:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   mere bang

    haven’t read thru the comments yet, but my favorite part of the note is the ‘due not remove, thank you’

    Dec 4, 2007 at 1:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   FurryThomas

    Feces or no feces, I flush the toilet anyway. Sometimes pee is colorless and therefore just a little too similar in appearance to water. If I have to make ploppies, I don’t like the idea of someone else’s pee splashing my underside as my poo nuggets hit the water. Why take the risk?

    Dec 4, 2007 at 1:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   amy d bang

      Feces or no feces: that is the question

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   mamason bang

      I believe, amy d, that you are now “The Woman!”

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   amy d bang

      I’ll only accept if it’s you who crowns me

      Dec 4, 2007 at 2:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.4   mamason bang

      Consider it done!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 4:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.5   mamason bang

      –1? Seriously, why?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 6:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   magickat

    That is a HUGE pet peeve for me. I have to use public restrooms quite often and it is so vile to have to be greeted by some strangers shit before doing the squat and hover.

    YUCK!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 2:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Space Monkey bang

      I have to say, I’d rather hover than drip dry. Any day.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 4:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   Bas

    Response note:

    “You don’t have to drink from the toilet. Who raised you? Lassie?”

    Dec 4, 2007 at 3:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Mishee bang

    I almost expect to see a P.S. If you don’t know or care to know, the copy paper goes in the copy room…

    But not flushing after yourself, well, that’s just fucking WRONG! Does he work at an elementary school or something?

    Also, yes, I can’t remember who was trying to figure it out, but I do believe this note is taped up using a full cover of packing tape, as to protect it from any incidental backsplash from the toilets….

    All in all, I am on Team Do Not Remove!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 4:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Olrun bang

    Maybe the perpetrator was raised in a barn and had to use an outhouse and concequently maybe he / she doesn’t know what the handle is for.
    I think an additional note with instructions on what the flushing handle is for might be helpfull in this case……and just damn funny.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 5:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Canthz_B bang

    Conservation of colon contents is considered to be crappy conduct, unless caused by constipation. :-P

    Dec 4, 2007 at 5:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Canthz_B bang

    If a toilet were “unflushed” would that bring the waste back?

    Dec 4, 2007 at 5:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Wade bang

    The tenant of the 59th floor:

    http://www.virgobc.com/empire.aspx

    They offer their location as virtual offices to companies that want an Empire State Building address.

    Perhaps one of their clients is the Spastic Colon Association of America.

    I love the internet. 8)

    Dec 4, 2007 at 6:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   Troy McClure bang

      Virtual offices? So, like, no one actually works there? They use it as a postal address, but they’re really in Newark, or Moskow? Was it a virtual turd?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 8:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #49.2   Canthz_B bang

      They just drop in to use “the facilities”. They must leave an occational turd for tax purposes. :-)

      Dec 4, 2007 at 9:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #49.3   Rocky

      Perhaps it is a virtual turd? I love that you found that Wade. This is too funny. Tell the truth, you just built that website for the joke value, right?

      And BTW – aren’t we just assuming that what was found was a turd? Could have been pee, wads of TP, vomit….this could be an endless list.

      (Yes, that was a challenge! Lets be a bit more creative folks, I need to skip breakfast!)

      Dec 5, 2007 at 9:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   Writer, Rejected

    Scatologically speaking, haven’t we just about had enough of this memo? Or do we need more? Let’s do it, then:

    Taking a crap, dropping the kids off at hte pool, dropping a load, clearing a traffic jam on the Hershey Highway, dropping a bomb, shooting a torpedo, having a baby, sit and get creative, dropping a deuce, pinching a loaf, sinking the british navy, taking the Browns to the superbowl, backing one out, blasting a dookie, going boom boom, chocolate time, curling one off, de-corking the borking, dirty squirties, doing some spring cleaning, download a brownload, dropping anchor, dropping logs, faxing a shit to the toilet, feeding the toilet, logging out, making a tail, popping a gooky, punching a growler, punishing the porcelain, taking a Nixon, Unloading a batch of cigars, visiting Boston, and voting for the President.

    Did I miss any? Phew, I’m exhausted.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 6:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Canthz_B bang

      A toilet in the voting booth could boost voter turd-out!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 6:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.2   Writer, Rejected

      Gives new meaning to “Get the Vote Out,” doesn’t it?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 6:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.3   Canthz_B bang

      WR, Now you have me seeing Port-O-Potties on street corners on Election Day! They can put the levers on the wall opposite the seat. That’s the only time a good number of people read anyway! :-P

      Dec 4, 2007 at 6:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.4   Troy McClure bang

      There is also “laying cable.” But that’s a mighty list. I love “download a brownload.”

      Dec 4, 2007 at 8:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.5   anglophile bang

      I’m a classicist and prefer the time-honored No. 2. It’s pretty hard to say with a straight face, though.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 8:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.6   Eilis

      #42′s “make ploppies”… that just cracks me up.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 11:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   mamason bang

    Here I sit
    with broken heart.
    Took a shit
    When I meant to fart.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 7:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Canthz_B bang

      All I meant
      was to pass gas.
      Now I’ve got to
      wipe my ass!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   mamason bang

    Pee porridge hot
    Pee porridge cold
    Pee porridge in the pot
    Nine days old.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 7:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   Canthz_B bang

      This seat is too cold.
      This seat is too hot.
      This seat is just right,
      I have not eaten corn,
      Is that mine?
      Or not?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   mamason bang

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Who only could shit in a bucket
    ‘Twas the penance laid down
    For not flushing “it” down,
    Blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh well. Fuck it!

    Dec 4, 2007 at 7:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   mamason bang

      down and down rhyme, right?

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.2   mamason bang

      Evidently, I have downs syndrome.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.3   Canthz_B bang

      I surrender! LOL

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.4   mamason bang

      I AM WE

      TODD DID.

      I AM SOFA KING

      WE TODD DID!

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.5   mamason bang

      Blah, blah, blah, blah
      Blah, blah, blah, blah
      Hey, hey- ey
      No-o rhyme.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.6   mamason bang

      I have now finished lashing the deceased equine.

      Dec 4, 2007 at 7:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #54   Lurker

    They probably are flushing, but the water pressure’s not good enough to suck all the paper down on the first flush. That’s what the bathroom at my old workplace was like. You would think everyone would realize it after a while, but nobody seemed to – neither the people who should have realized they needed to flush twice nor the “nobody flushes after themselves” compainer crew. The really irksome poart is that there was always a line at the door, and if you waited for the tank to fill for a second flush people would start knocking. But if you DIDN’T wait fo the second flush they got just as mad. Yes, I’m rambling.

    Dec 4, 2007 at 8:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   SHARKFAN bang

    Gross! Not flushing after using the toilet is disgusting. Just the thought of having to see someone else’s waste makes me want to throw up.

    Team Flush The Fucking Toilet

    Dec 5, 2007 at 12:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   ladys0ul

    i’m linking this to my blog. It’s so good :)

    Dec 5, 2007 at 4:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   wicked opinion

    I LOVE….THIS WEBSITE. “Do not remove” and “thank you” should definitely have been centered. No question. Kudos to Ariadne for WORD!! Frickin’ hilarious. WP – Elorean The Unflusher was an extra from Monty Python’s Holy Grail – he ended up on the cutting room floor after constantly fucking up the words to “Camelot”. “Freedom spacing” has already made my whole day – thank you! #28 UHG2 – I agree with you completely – not flushing is an inexcusable act of evil that must be eradicated. And I also would like to agree that there is NEVER an excuse for any toilet seat to be wet. Either perfect your hover/aim or make a visual check when finished.
    TEAM Flush It NOW!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 9:29 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #57.1   Ariadne bang

      Thanks W.O.! No fugitives were harmed in the making of today’s “Word”…

      Dec 5, 2007 at 9:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #57.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      I don’t blame him WO – those are some frikkin’ hard words to get right!

      Dec 5, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #58   myron

    I would have wiped my bum bum with this and hung it back up, not flushing of course.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   RP

    There is no drought in New York (at least not that I’ve heard) so there’s no reason not to flush every time in a public restroom.

    Team Yes Your Shit DOES Stink!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 2:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   D

    People are so strange. I bet they get a kick out of it and the note is only re enforcing their behavior

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Dante Pastrami

    Let me tell you what ya do pilgrim. Just get one of them thar scoopers like you use in the fishtank, and scoop the poopy on the floor for everyone to enjoy. It will be like shock therapy.

    Dec 7, 2007 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   kitty litter

    The saying is

    “If its yellow, let it mellow. If its brown, flush it down.”

    Dec 7, 2007 at 3:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   It’s not rocket science. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] related: Toilet-flushing memo from the Empire State Building [...]

    Mar 30, 2011 at 8:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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