It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

December 5th, 2007 · 138 comments

Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

IT's not funny! It's not a joke! It's STEALING...and it could cost you your job! Please be sure that you don't "accidentally" eat someone else's food!

BEWARE One of your coworkers is a thief and so completely lazy that they stole my sandwich. They stole a HOMEMADE sandwich. Who steals food in the first place? And honestly, who steals a non-packaged product? Do you really want something someone else handled? From now on, I suggest everyone sneezes on and profusely licks their food prior to bringing it to work. I know I will.

The the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today: I just wanted to let you know that I have strep throat and you'll notice I had partially eaten the food. Don't be surprised if you get sick.

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

FILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia


138 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Andy bang

    That first note is funny, though! The first line’s WordArt is funny, the second line is funny, the quotation marks are funny.

    Nice chant, though:

    It’s not funny
    It’s not a joke
    Why don’t we have
    A nice cold Coke! Hey!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 5:15 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   anglophile bang

      It’s not funny
      It’s not a joke.
      You stole my lunch,
      I hope you choke!

      Dec 5, 2007 at 5:22 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Andy bang

      LOL. Your version is much better. :D

      Dec 5, 2007 at 5:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   anglophile bang

      Ah, well, it’s always easier to edit than create! :)

      Dec 5, 2007 at 6:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Canthz_B bang

      It’s not funny.
      It’s not a joke.
      Ask for a raise,
      It seems you’re broke.

      Dec 5, 2007 at 7:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   stargirl

    wow thats pretty wierd. yeah im one of the first comments!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 5:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Andy bang

    All right, the second note. I like how it builds from just a sandwich to a HOMEMADE sandwich. Very dramatic.

    I have a question about the “non-packaged product” item, though. Was said sammich in a sammich bag? Is that not packaged? Who puts a sammich in the refrigerator unpackaged? Who? Who?????

    Plus, why in the hell would I want to eat my lunch covered with my saliva and boogers? Nice.

    Finally, the third note. Wishing disease, dismissal and a happy holiday season all in one message. Great! Other than that, this note was well composed and everything, so well done, I guess. :D

    Dec 5, 2007 at 5:32 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Space Monkey bang

      All this note needed was for the writer to go on about his ‘ho-made’ sandwich, or ‘homade’ sandwich or even his ‘hoe-made” sandwich as I’ve seen so many times on “The Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks” and “Curious Signs”. I’d do the litte website blue underline thingy but I don’t know how.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 10:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Mermaid bang

    That first note reminds me of the intro to those cheesy 1950′s health class movies…
    “It’s not funny… It’s not a joke…
    IT’S HERPES! And it could cost you your life…”
    Ahhh, fear in black and white.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 5:42 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    If you place a “Dagwood” into the office fridge you’re asking for it. Stick to leftover pizza your Mom bought for you!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 5:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   ALA bang

      Yes, for the love of all that’s holy (and for the greater good) stick with the ever-so-tasty Domino’s your Mom bought you.

      Dec 5, 2007 at 9:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   GVI bang

      Or the Donairs

      Dec 5, 2007 at 9:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Wade bang

    Yeah, about that third note…

    If you have been diagnosed with strep throat, what the hell are you doing at work!!!

    I’m sure the number of fellow employees that fall ill due to your ignorant disregard for their health will be far greater than the one who ate your leftover lunch.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 5:54 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Juliet

      I completely agree.

      Team stay home if you are that sick.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 12:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   DrAstroZoom bang

    I’m sorry, but it takes plenty of initiative and drive to steal a sandwich, so I refuse to be called lazy! Spread THAT on your homemade sandwich and eat it!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 5:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Alix

    The last line of the last note is priceless! Merry Christmas, asshole!
    Wade: true, but after 24 hours of anti-biotics, you’re not contageous via airborn agents anymore. At least I think that’s true, I clearly do not have anything resembling a medical degree.
    Maybe the note writer works at this office: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/07/24/demotivationals/ and feels to guilty to call in sick.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   super_fan99 bang

    Maybe “Karma” is really his connected Uncle Vito.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Dear Friend,
    Your sandwich was not stolen, we flushed it. Please use a clear plastic Ziploc brand bag the next time you bring a Limburger cheese sandwich from home!
    Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

    –Your Co-Workers

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   melissa

    I totally feel the pain of the writer of note # 2 but, ummm, dude? you have food handled by others all the time. it’s called eating in a restaurant. dur.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   D

    My goodness. Why steal food? i don’t get it

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Olivia

    Well it’s a good thing I’m eating my dinner right now… while being completely grossed out at the thought of fondled food and strep throat germs. Oi.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   unholyghost2003 bang

    Dear writer of note number 1. It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. Threatening fellow employees with dismissal for acts you term accidental in your own missive is grounds for repramand, in combination with the misuse of company materials for making the personal note it is grounds for dismissal.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 6:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      Theft of office equiment is grounds for dismissal.
      Theft of a sandwich is grounds for an after-work beat down. See ya in the parking lot! ;-)

      Dec 5, 2007 at 7:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   amazon bang

    Did anyone else go to that guy’s Flickr page? I enjoyed the note that said “This fridge will be cleaned out every Friday” and then in pencil, someone wrote “or when I’m hungry.” I love it when PA notes come full circle.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 7:09 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   GVI bang

    I love the ”To the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today”. Why be an ass, just say yesterday.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 7:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Andy bang

      Wait, between yesterday and today?

      Someone must be playing with the space-time continuum to get that sandwich.

      It must have been some sandwich. :D

      Dec 5, 2007 at 7:26 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Turrboenvy

      I think the turd left it in the fridge overnight. That certainly violates Claw’s 45-second rule.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Rita

    I like how the writer of the BEWARE note used the tactic of asking all of those questions.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 7:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Eilis

    I like that the “ignorant person” in the first line of note #3 has become “such a genius” by the second paragraph. You ignorant, swollen-glanded, Happy Holiday having, thieving genius!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 7:32 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      It takes a master criminal to steal a sammich from an office fridge!

      Dec 5, 2007 at 7:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   GVI bang

      Maybe he is “ignorant” to the fact that, one must not take food that doesn’t belong to other people. Maybe he thinks it’s communal food in the fridge.

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   joelogon

    Hey, cool — thanks for the linkage. I haven’t been very good in scouring flickr for new content for the Furious Fridge Notes pool, so feel free to add your own stuff.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 7:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   candycane

    Are Karma and the Heisa monster are related?

    Dec 5, 2007 at 7:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Space Monkey bang

      Heisa is Karma’s Swedish cousin

      Dec 6, 2007 at 10:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      While Karma, of course, is a chameleon.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   amy d bang

      Now I have that song stuck in my head, WP.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   WanderingPenguin bang

      Then my work here is done. :D

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Jason

    What? 20 comments and no “That sandwich was fucking delicious”?

    I’m so disappointed in the commenters here now.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 7:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   goose

      It’s not funny!

      It’s not a joke!

      It’s been done to death and it could cost you your unitard!

      Please be sure that you don’t “accidentally” make a “fucking delicious” reference!

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:08 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   GVI bang

      I wish I had more hands: so I could give your comment four thimbs down!

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   mamason bang

      WTF are thimbs?
      As long as it’s not four thumbs.
      Oh look! A preview button and an edit feature!
      :-P

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Canthz_B bang

      Sounds a bit obvious, don’t you think Jason? ;-)

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   goose

      Maybe Jason knows something the rest of us don’t – like the sandwich was made with Outback bread.

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.6   GVI bang

      Damn :( Thumbs*
      That’s what you get with a comment drive by.

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.7   GhostWriter bang

      The latest report on the War Against “Fuckin’ Delicious”:

      Our recent Unitard surge has successfully disabled the “first strike” capability of Fuckin’ Delicious. Appearances are now occurring 20+ comments into a thread, a vast improvement over last quarter.
      Additionally, our pay-offs to local tribal warlords have led to a multitude of cultural cuisines being labeled “Fuckin’ Delicious” throughout the battle arena. As this spreads, a temporary rise in Fuckin’ Delicious sightings is expected. We predict a sharp reduction by 2nd quarter, for as you know, when everything finally becomes Fuckin’ Delicious, then nothing is truly Fuckin’ Delicious.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 1:19 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.8   Rocky

      And, you forgot to note, we are running perilously low on unitards (or is it unithongs now?)

      Dec 6, 2007 at 1:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.9   amy d bang

      Plan B: Holy War against those still using the term. They will be smote!

      Rocky: I believe the shortage of ‘tards may have lead to the switch to ‘thongs.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.10   WanderingPenguin bang

      Not sure where you live, amy, but around here there is never ever a shortage of ‘tards.

      Oh, wait. You meant “UNItards”, didn’t you? Never mind. Carry on. :)

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.11   amy d bang

      Lol WP! I am allergic to “uni” therefore I ommitted it, somewhat cutely, I thought. Damn! Now I’m itching!

      And I live in Louisiana, so no shortage of the other kind here, either. Mostly, they are in politics.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.12   GhostWriter bang

      Support our Troops! Please share any videos you may have switching out of a unitard and into a unithong. Everybody must do their part.

      (although, I fear a rash of “fuckin’ delicious” commentary will follow…)

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.13   Wade bang

      For the Troops!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iArghPIkcw

      :P

      Dec 6, 2007 at 3:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.14   Space Monkey bang

      ahem….in the defense of the corruption of our beloved new word, the new item is called a “Thongitard”. That is all, carry on.

      …ok, i lied. ‘Cause isn’t unithong kind of redundant? I mean “uni” means “one or single”, right? As in one piece or a single piece of cloth, one thing or to unite, etc.
      I.e., unicycle, unicorn, uni brow, uniboob, eunuch, UNICEF-er, wait…anywho, I would think that a unithong would hardly unite anything. It’s more of a separator than a uniter of things.

      On topic:
      I once stole some pieces of sesame seed chicken out of a coworker’s lunch from the fridge. I never got typhoid or anything. I’m for stealing if you don’t get caught which means you have to steal in small quantities. I’m with DrAstroZoom, it takes initiative, creativity, drive, and planning to steal food. I would hardly call that lazy.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 3:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   mamason bang

    Note # 2- Who steals food … ? Ummm… Someone who’s hungry.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 8:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   WanderingPenguin bang

    (With apologies to The Hollies and their song He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother):

    The bread was rye
    And loaded with caraway,
    Inside was some deviled ham
    And a yam
    All topped off with pickles and sauerkraut
    It ain’t funny, it’s my sandwich.

    ‘Twas in the fridge
    All ready for me to eat
    But when lunchtime came along
    It was gone:
    Seems some “stealer” took it all away from me
    It ain’t funny, it’s my sandwich.

    Now I’m hungry and all
    I have left is one cracker;
    You damned office thief
    You’re the ultimate slacker –
    Next time make your own lunch!

    It was fresh rye bread;
    My mouth watered when I bought
    The loaf from the store but now there’s no more:
    For I used all of it for that one meal….
    It ain’t funny, it’s my sandwich!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 8:28 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Eilis

      Yea! I was hoping for a song!

      Dec 5, 2007 at 8:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   SHARKFAN bang

      WP! You kill me with your wit. I almost peed myself from laughing so hard. How can one Penguin be so damn funny? No more unitard for you…ever! (Unless you want to wear it, of course )

      Dec 5, 2007 at 10:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   WanderingPenguin bang

      Thanks, you two. :) It’s all I had in me last night – trying to fight off a wicked head cold so I did a bit of a “drive-by”.

      But I still want a “crack” at that unitard. :)

      Dec 6, 2007 at 9:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   Wade bang

      Nice work, WP. :D

      “wicked head cold”, eh? Before you ate that sandwich at lunch, did you check it for saliva?

      Dec 6, 2007 at 10:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   Space Monkey bang

      I do believe the “Thongitard” has also been added to the wardrobe rack. Please don’t forget to pay homage to that .

      Dec 6, 2007 at 10:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   Alix

      Wandering penguin, after the phrase “wicked head cold” was used, I must ask: Are you from the northeast? Inquiring minds want to know!

      Dec 6, 2007 at 11:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.7   Juliet

      The bread was rye… it ain’t funny, it’s my sandwich

      This is great!

      Dec 6, 2007 at 12:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.8   WanderingPenguin bang

      Playing catch-up here:

      Thanks, Wade. I had no sandwich at lunch: note #3 was mine! :D

      SM: I especially like the thongitard. Usually I wear it backwards for an extra thrill!

      Alix: the very northeast: Toronto. I’ve only been to Boston once, but Maine many times. Maybe that’s the secret?

      Juliet: Thanks! It’s the first time I did a song on here that I didn’t have to look up any of the original lyrics for – it’s an old fave of mine. :)

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:12 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.9   Space Monkey bang

      LOL! You wear the thongitard backwards? Do you favor wearing said backwards thongitard with a khaki-colored trench coat? Just wondering…

      Dec 6, 2007 at 3:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.10   Alix

      WP: That’s funny. I’m from the Boston area, and we say wicked alot. Of course, now that I’ve been living in SF I’ve become Californianized, and tend to replace “wicked” with “hella”, which is wicked sad when I think about it. ;) I believe they use “wicked” alot in Maine as well. :)

      Dec 7, 2007 at 1:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Jeff St Real

    Good god, just bring a Lean Cuisine!

    Dec 5, 2007 at 10:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   lola bang

    The victim in note #2 is obviously new to this game of “musical lunches,” otherwise they would NEVER have spent the time making a sandwich to sacrifice to the lunch thieves. It would have been a hotpocket. And it would have been laced with rocket pubes only visible after the thing was half-eaten.

    Besides, I thought licking the food before submission was mandatory office procedure.

    You have much to learn…

    Dec 5, 2007 at 11:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Writer, Rejected

    Wait a minute. Can you actually get fired for stealing a co-worker’s sandwich? If so, I’m screwed.

    Dec 5, 2007 at 11:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   lola bang

      For the record, where exactly do you work?

      No reason…

      Dec 5, 2007 at 11:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Juliet

      Yeah, I was wondering about all the threats of being fired. I don’t know if it’s possible to lose your job for stealing a co-worker’s sandwich… it’s not like taking money out of the till here and there or swindling the company for millions.

      It’s like being fired for stealing a pen.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 12:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   racerx

    A penguin in a unitard is my favorite pre-pubescent Bloom County fantasy! Work it baby.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 1:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Dave T

    Why do people steal other’s lunches? That shit is trifling.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 2:00 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      Yes! it IS Trifling. YAY!!!!

      Dec 6, 2007 at 1:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Sparkles bang

    @Dave T;
    Why do people steal other’s lunches? That shit is trifling.

    Because trifle is fucking delicious!

    Dec 6, 2007 at 4:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   GVI bang

      I love the usage of the forbidden words, no Unitard for you.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 10:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Katzndogz bang

      Trifle is indeed delicious.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Canthz_B bang

    To the tune of “Born to be Wild”, well close anyway. ;-)

    Looking for my sandwich.
    Someone’s stolen it away.
    I was going to eat that,
    Someone’s ruining my day.
    Oh Lord how could this happen,
    In such a friendly office space?
    I’m writing a letter now for,
    This thief to face.

    I don’t want to do this.
    But I miss my sandwich.
    Somebody just must pay,
    For my empty stomach today.
    Yeah, this letter is going to happen,
    I won’t take this crap at my workplace.
    No one should ever steal a lunch,
    That I wiped on my face.

    I’m really riled!
    I’m really riled!

    Dec 6, 2007 at 5:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   A.A guy

    Okay; Picture me dancing(like Martin Short)……

    I don’t work in an office…I don’t work in an office…(little Elaine twist added)…don’t work in an office……

    Dec 6, 2007 at 7:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   A.A guy

    Is Karma like a really BIG guy, because I’ll bet my friend KISMET could kick his ass.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 7:13 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Pdog

    Everyone chip in and stock the fridge then a
    fucking sandwich wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
    Its the holidays for goodness sake!

    Dec 6, 2007 at 7:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   A.A guy

    Stealing a sandwich (or anything else) isn’t ignorant.It simply demonstrates a focused mission accomplished.

    As long as you flush after eating said lunch,all will love and respect you!

    Team Stock Brockers.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 7:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Rocky

      What is a Stock Brocker?

      or did you mean Stock Broker? Or did I miss some previous hysterically funny thread on the subject of brockers?

      Dec 6, 2007 at 1:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   A.A guy

    If it’s the holidays then I’ll be stealing Turkey and stuffing sandwiches pretty soon.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 7:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Bas

    Canthz_B brightens my day up (:

    I believe the owner of the second pa-note is named Earl :D

    Dec 6, 2007 at 7:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   reclusivemonkey

    Reminds me of one of my favourite Dilberts;

    http://members.whattheythink.com/dilbert/dilbert051123.cfm

    Team Ted Sandwich FTW!

    Dec 6, 2007 at 8:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Wade bang

    I’m not feeling so good today.

    Maybe I grabbed the wrong sandwich out of the fridge.

    :P

    Dec 6, 2007 at 9:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Bucklehoneysuckle bang

    The third note:
    “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family!”

    Okay, so obviously, he doesn’t wish “you” a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year – obvious sarcasm. But now the family gets dragged into it just because of a SANDWICH. The note writer wants them all to have a sucky holiday season because of a SANDWICH. Come on, don’t drag the innocent with the guilty.

    …That is all.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 9:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   anglophile bang

      Won’t someone please think of the childern!!

      Dec 6, 2007 at 3:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Katzndogz bang

    If a person has the type of sense of humor where they think stealing other people’s lunch is funny, wouldn’t they think a whiny note is completely hysterical?

    Dec 6, 2007 at 9:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   A.A guy

    I’m eating your sandwich…..HO HO HO!

    Dec 6, 2007 at 11:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Bucklehoneysuckle bang

      Oh no, these people are going to be really pissed on Christmas when Santa gets ahold of all of their cookies. I can just see the notes now:

      “Santa, thank you so much for eating my HOMEMADE cookies that I took hours to prepare. Have a Merry Chritmas and a Happy New Year, THAT GOES FOR MRS. CLAUS, THE ELVES, AND THE REINDEER, too.

      PS: Don’t think I didn’t notice that some of my milk was missing too. Thanks again!”

      Dec 6, 2007 at 11:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   Bucklehoneysuckle bang

      What’s a “Chritmas”…? I don’t know either. CHRISTMAS. My heart breaks over my errors.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 12:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   GhostWriter bang

    I thought that the obligatory Post-It note reply to all these was, “You call that a sandwich?

    Dec 6, 2007 at 11:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Katzndogz bang

    I always think of poor, BSC Ross and the bastard who stole his sandwich.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziQrW-dOGWc

    (warning: this video may be disturbing to those who appreciate a good sandwich)

    Dec 6, 2007 at 11:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Juliet

    The first thing I saw when I got on this page was the note that said “It’s not funny!” and I immediately started to laugh, even before I knew what the note was about.

    If you preface any complaint with “It’s not funny” I am almost guaranteed to laugh.

    Whoever posted that first note: that is a note that needs a pink-penned penis on it.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 12:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   GhostWriter bang

      “It’s Not Funny” gets even funnier when they write it CircusClown font, and give it a sunrise shading. The only thing missing is Comic Sans.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 12:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   GhostWriter bang

    Point of order- wouldn’t a completely lazy thief be too unambitious to leave his cubicle, much less steal a sandwich? As Caesar Augustus once said, “If I am to be surrounded by thieves, make them completely lazy as well.”

    Dec 6, 2007 at 1:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   unholyghost2003 bang

    Regarding everyone asking if sandwich stealing could ACTUALLY get you fired: It depends. If you are targeting the sandwiches of one person then it would be considered harassment and yes, could get you fired. If it could be proven that you were activly plotting, planning and stealing lunches (not OOPS! got the wrong bag once, too late now) yes, employee on employee theft is a crime. It all depends on how bored/ how hard assed the HR department is.
    I have spent TOO MUCH TIME in HR *shudder*

    BTW CB @ 14.1 I promise that every HR department in the WORLD would be happier if they thought they could get away with saying that. “Sorry Frank, we can’t help you. I’ll tell you what though, Bob drives a BLUE CIVIC. Got that? Here is a crowbar. Just do it off company property!”

    Dec 6, 2007 at 1:31 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Karen bang

    Why did ‘funny’ and ‘joke’ even make it onto the note ? Did the note-writer go around the office asking about his sandwich – only to be laughed at about it ? So now he writes the note, all whiney…”It’s not funny…whaaaaaa”. Boo hoo.

    And how much time did the writer spend choosing just the right wordart designs and colors? Nope, not this one. Yes, this one ! Perfect ! This person is determined.

    And look how beat up the note is. How long has it been up there ? NOW it’s funny !

    Dec 6, 2007 at 1:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   mamason bang

    You know, since these notes were posted I’ve tried to think of something clever to say. Some little witticism that might please the PAN deity and the acolytes but I can’t get past my sense of outrage that some bone headed mother fucker would stoop so low and steal somebodies lunch. Personally, I would go on an office rampage checking everyone’s trash cans while screaming wildly about the low life, asshole, motherfucker who stole my fucking lunch. I’d probably be arrested for dis-orderly conduct, resisting arrest, destruction of private property and misdemeanor assault. I’d then have to be sedated and hospitalized for an involuntary psych evaluation. After much medication I’d be presented with my termination and divorce papers, which would send me into another psychotic meltdown, thereby ensuring a prolonged stay at the institution. The moral of the story- Go to Chile’s for lunch. It’s just not worth the risk.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 1:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   amy d

    Sadly, I’ve seen notes like #1 in my office, although they take the guilt to another level. One such note claimed the food thief would be denied entrance to Heaven.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 2:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   mamason bang

      And Jesus wept.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #49.2   park rose bang

      Won’t s/he be? Thou shalt not steal my pastrami on rye? Fair cop. Team eternal damnation.

      Dec 7, 2007 at 4:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #49.3   Juliet bang

      God will judge you forever for stealing a sandwich, but will forgive you anything else if you ask.

      That is super funny!

      Dec 8, 2007 at 8:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   WanderingPenguin bang

    I just have to wonder out loud: is there no chance at all that these lunches were tossed out by an over-zealous, self-appointed fridge-cleaner? Did the aggrieved parties check their respective kitchen garbage containers? Note 2, for example, shows part of a second note on that same fridge clearly indicating that it will be “cleaned out” (as I read on the Flickr link) every Friday. Since they don’t specify when on Friday and since the victim has stated that the sandwich was “unpackaged”… isn’t there at least a teeny, tiny chance that this happened on a Friday and it was just purged?

    I’d also like to say that someone who can leave one note like this is likely a “repeat offender”: there’s an excellent chance that the “purging”, if it took place, was not an accident. ;)

    Dec 6, 2007 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Katzndogz bang

      It’s possible that’s true, but most fridge-cleaner-outers do it on Friday afternoons so as to avoid having to figure out the difference between lunch and leftovers. It could be the person decided to wait until 3 to eat their lunch and was shocked that it had disappeared.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 2:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.2   Space Monkey bang

      KnD: You sound like fridge-cleaner-outer. Are you a fridge-cleaner-outer? It never would’ve crossed my mind that there might be a difference b/w old lunches and leftover from the same day. Only a fridge-cleaner-outer would know that. Are you a fridge-cleaner-outer? Is there a small chance that you might be a fridge-cleaner-outer? If only reformed fridge-cleaner-outer? Why do I like saying fridge-cleaner-outer so much? It’s such a bother to type and I don’t even know what it means anymore.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 4:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.3   wickedopinion bang

      Hey SM – (not to be confused with S&M…um..wait..different website) ahem! Gosh, I think you may have pulled something on that fridge-cleaner-outer thing. Are you okay? As a former Fridge-Cleaner-Outer (part of job, not by choice), I must say that no-one was safe from me and everyone got mad. Every Friday. These stupid motherfathers could never remember and always left their sammiches and other assorted booger encrusted foods. They even left me PA notes regarding their precious Tupperware…like I care, puhleez! Rules is rules, people.

      Team Clean Fridge on Friday by 4 pm Sharp!

      Dec 6, 2007 at 4:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.4   Space Monkey bang

      No, I’m not okay. I sthprained my tonhgueh.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 4:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.5   park rose bang

      As opposed to fridge purging (WP’s original comment), waiting until Friday afternoons (so as to avoid having to figure out the difference between lunch and leftovers) to clean out the fridge would be a type of fridge purgatory, thereby tying in with both WP, K&D, and amy D!

      Dec 7, 2007 at 4:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   Bebo

    Note three is probably right but man I hate his/her attitude. You can totally tell they think they’re really sticking it to the lunch thief (why btw could have simply been removing partially eaten strep throat germed food from the communal fridge) with the whole wishing illness and then throwing in the happy holidays bit. It’s like…a poorly done PA note. Its hack PA!

    Dec 6, 2007 at 2:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Kite

    A coworker recently left an opened slightly melted candy bar in the break room freezer. Before doing so she announced that she would be right back for it and that we shouldn’t even think about stealing it because she had licked it. Most of us laughed and a few minutes later left the room. I later found out that when she went back to get the candy bar there was no candy bar. In it’s place was a note saying “I took it BECAUSE you licked. wink wink”

    Dec 6, 2007 at 3:42 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   Space Monkey bang

      Totally OT but:

      I once worked at restaurant. My boss always stole some of whatever snack I was eating. Be it chips, M&M’s, beef jerky, cheese dip from his own restaurant- hell, if I ate a crap pie he would’ve stolen a bit of that, too- well, I didn’t know who was pilfering my snacks until one of the waiters told me. I went to great lengths to hide my snacks from him but he always found them. And stole some.

      So one day I made a big scene of buying a chocolate bar, seeing a customer walk in and putting it on the bar so I could seat the customer. I also went to the kitchen to hang out and give him enough rope with which to hang himself. Sure enough, when I came back out it was half eaten. It was equivalent to the size of a Hershey bar. I never let on that I knew it was him.

      Where, in my story, is the funny part?

      It was a laxative chocolate bar.

      Later the next day I overheard him telling the kitchen staff how he had suddenly been assaulted by a bad case of the back-door trots at Wally World and couldn’t find the bathroom. I almost gave myself a hernia from holding in my laughter. He never knew what hit him.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 4:16 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      SM,
      That is just CRAZY. I am not a snack theif. I might occasionaly snitch 1 fry or 1 chip from the plate of a coworker/friend but I would never eat 1/2 their candy bar! eww I wouldn’t do that if they offered it!

      Dec 6, 2007 at 4:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.3   wickedopinion bang

      Kite – That is the most awesome story ever.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 4:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.4   Wade bang

      ROFL Space Monkey

      Glad to see my dad’s p-a ways practiced by a new generation, lol.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 5:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.5   Space Monkey bang

      he learned his lesson uhg2k3, he never stole from me again.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 5:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #52.6   Space Monkey bang

      PASHY, Wade. What a co-inky-dink. As you can tell, I haven’t been to the site lately. I wasn’t trying to re-gift last year’s fruitcake, figuratively speaking.

      Dec 6, 2007 at 5:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   Writer, Rejected

    Come to think of it, I do have kind of a sore throat today. Guess I learned my sandwich-stealing lesson. The only problem is that I’m hungry again.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 4:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Jodi Blaze

    Do you really want something someone else handled?

    If they like to eat out, I guess it’s no problem

    Dec 6, 2007 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   Nattie

    Just want to see another sign that says, “Food stealer! Thank god your mother doesn’t work here, what would she think!!”

    Dec 6, 2007 at 6:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   jess

    i LOVE the use of word art on the first sign. they really went ALL OUT with the extras MS Word has to offer.

    Dec 6, 2007 at 8:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   raiseyourglass

    I wonder if the karma guy’s sandwich was in the fridge on friday and got tossed on clean out day? hmmm….

    Dec 6, 2007 at 9:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   A.A guy

    Can you steal a good lunch at Chile’s?

    Dec 7, 2007 at 1:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   A.A guy

    OH……..What or who is..are Chile’s?

    Dec 7, 2007 at 1:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #59.1   Canthz_B bang

      I think “Chile’s” is a soul food shack in East St. Louis! :-P

      Dec 7, 2007 at 3:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #59.2   mamason bang

      Shoot! I meant Chili’s.
      Oh, look…

      Dec 7, 2007 at 12:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #60   Inga

    I just can’t get over the second author’s intention to sneeze all over her (?) food before she comes to work.

    “I know I will.”

    What? What? Oh, my. Don’t sneeze all over your food. Oh, no. This can’t be the best response to missing a sammy, this sneezing business.

    That’s got to add 3, 4 minutes at least to the morning routine. Oh. Don’t do that.

    Dec 7, 2007 at 9:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Willow

    It’s lucky sneeze and profusely lick your food didn’t sign that note. Otherwise, the company reason for letting them go would be “Insisted on sneezing and profusely licking food.”

    Dec 8, 2007 at 5:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   suhayla

    I bet the office manager had his/her food stolen and had her/his poor assistant make up the ‘memo’ – so bored and embarassed assistant dutifully went and prettied up a PPT slide as is his/her custom for all office signage. The other notes don’t really have the flare of an assisted memo… they’re too personal.

    Dec 8, 2007 at 11:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   saisei bang

    I’m not entirely sure the note-writer is going to enjoy their next sandwich, either….judging from the licking and the sneezing and whatnot.

    Dec 9, 2007 at 10:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   S

    Ah, so there’s the a$$hole who comes to work with Strep and passes it on to everyone.

    Dec 12, 2007 at 1:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   John

    I was about to read more comments but quit after it got off topic, I think I read maybe 10 comments. Anyway, if you take food out of the company fridge without asking, your just an asshole. Simple as that.
    Next.

    Jan 2, 2008 at 7:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #65.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Gee, that’s too bad, John, because one of the strengths of the PANophiles on this site is spelling and punctuation policing. If you had read all of the notes instead of whining about whether they were on or off topic you might have learned the difference between “your” and “you’re” and how to construct a proper sentence with commas and everything. Oh well, your loss. Or is that “you’re loss”?

      Next.

      Jan 2, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #65.2   SHARKFAN bang

      SNAP!

      Team Wandering Penguin!

      Jan 2, 2008 at 11:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #66   HappyPanda

    other people’s lunch tastes twice as good. So I steal it every day. Just get used to it and bring two.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 8:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   fuhuck

    Did I tell you about the time I baked Ex-Lax and rat poison into chocolate cupcakes to foil this one sombitch co-worker and food stealer? A lot of Ex-Lax. A little rat poison. Just wanted to make a point.

    Or the ground glass and hamster turds I put in the homemade pizza to fortify the guest at my bed-and-breakfast who couldn’t restrain their midnight food-stealing habits? This one actually broke the lock on the pantry, like his fucking $109 a night bought him access to anything he wanted to eat at any hour. He wouldn’t ask for what he wanted. He just stole. Had to cut his vacation short with a tummy ache.

    Sep 3, 2008 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   Grourenurgine

    Other variant is possible also

    Oct 31, 2009 at 7:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   Brigitte

    I think the best part of this series is that each of these people found their lunch to be stolen and proceeded to turn around, go back to their desk, and use company equipment and time to type up these fancy signs, talking about how angry they are that someone would take from them.

    Are you getting paid to add that groovy gradient to your curvy letters, Hungry? I call that stealing from the company.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 9:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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