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December 11th, 2007 · 59 comments

The inimitable Jeff Rubin passes along this note from the foyer of his Park Slope apartment building. Yup, that’s what you think it is there on the floor. (Perhaps a hapless victim of the bag-tampering deliquent?)


(Jeff says the mess was cleaned up when he checked a few hours later.)

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Brooklyn, confusion still reigns.

Pick up after your dog!!! You are not an animal?

related: Oh, shit!

FILED UNDER: Brooklyn · confusion??? · dogs · Park Slope · shit

59 responses so far ↓

  • #1   GVI bang

    Note#1. Classic, I can picture some 24 yr old hippie kid coming out his apartment and upon seeing the turd he remarks Dude, seriously?.

    Note #2. Umm according to scientists I am an animal, so you kind of have an error in that sign there.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #2   Canthz_B bang

    If my dog has already picked up, what is expected of me?

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   Troy McClure bang

    If you’re not an animal, you’re a plant. I think some psychotropic adventurer left the second note for the tree we see pictured, perhaps after seeing a dog tied to its fence.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    After the first sentence, maybe his/her Sharpie was out of exclamation points?

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Mishee bang

      Gives a whole new meaning to “Write Out Loud”, CB…

      Dec 11, 2007 at 12:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    Hey! Poop proliferating person, this was written by the International Twenty Questions Champion of 2004.
    Be careful how you answer.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   Troy McClure bang

    The writer of (one of my favourite notes—I especially love comment #4) participated in a twelve-step anger management program. Unfortunately, at the top of the twelfth step was a dog turd. After some deep breaths, a new sign was written, which somehow ended up at street level, and appears in the 2nd photo. You can tell that they’re by the same person because, though the anger (and incongruous nationalism) have been scaled back, the overall note structure remains: starting with a demand to clean up after your dog, the note rapidly descends into baffling and ungrammatical illogic.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   GhostWriter bang

      Weren’t we all just the little patriots after 9/11?

      For months I’ve sneered at comments stating, “I have tears in my eyes from laughing…” Then I visited the Brooklynite’s Call to Arms, and voila! It finally happened to me.

      Dec 11, 2007 at 1:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Troy McClure bang

      I googled that, to see what you’re talking about, & your comment, though it be but five hours old, is at the top of google’s list! I’m picturing some sort of jingoistic extravaganza, positing that only violence can make right New York’s 2001 insult? Anyway, the tears of laughter thing happens to me very often. And you know I’m not just saying that; I’ve stood by my principles and remained a ROFLMAO virgin.

      Dec 11, 2007 at 6:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Andy

      That’s the best aggressive-aggressive note I’ve seen so far! Thank you so much for sharing. There’s nothing quite like explaining to your coworkers first thing in the morning why you’re laughing at your desk.

      Sep 29, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   mamason bang

    Yes. Seriously. That’s some cool shit. 8-)

    Dec 11, 2007 at 1:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   Suzi

    The one-word passive-aggressive note. I dig it.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 1:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #9   mamason bang

    “Pick up after your dog”, he said with disgust upon first noticing the pungent turd in desperate need of stirring. As he turned to go, he realized his mistake. With barely a whisper, as he backed away, almost to no one at all he asked, “You’re not an animal?”

    Dec 11, 2007 at 1:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   amazon bang

    Woo hoo! A reason to link to this site:

    Grossest yet funniest website EVAHR!

    Dec 11, 2007 at 1:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   park rose bang


      Dec 11, 2007 at 1:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Rocky

      Poodolph? I’m still laughing.

      It is the prop guy I’m concerned about…..! Do you think he wears gloves?

      Dec 11, 2007 at 7:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Troy McClure bang

      When I had a look at that site, I was taking shallow breaths & kept imagining I could smell the artwork.

      Dec 11, 2007 at 6:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #11   park rose bang

    In regards to note number 2 (hee-hee): Some John Merrick is called for. Maybe it was he who was so errant in picking up after his dog.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 1:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Andy bang

      Yes, I was imagining that being said in classic “Elephant Man” voice as well.

      “You’re not an animal? You’re a human being who doesn’t pick up dog shit!”

      Oh well, it was funny to me, being sleep-deprived and all. Or is that sleep-depraved?

      Dec 11, 2007 at 5:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   park rose bang

      I was more so imagining John saying, apropos of nothing, “I am not an animal. I’m just a man walking his dog”, and the bewildered note-writer saying “You’re not an animal?? Whatever. Pick up your dog shit”

      Dec 11, 2007 at 7:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Sorry for the mess. My dog is a little Dorkie!

    Dec 11, 2007 at 2:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   fussbudget bang

    a handrail? seriously? do you know what kind of disgusting germs get left behind on those things? if yes, for the love of all things holy, take that rail down immediately and put an end to all those grubby handed germ spreaders.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 3:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Katzndogz bang

      I kinda think the old people who need those handrails are more concerned about falling and breaking their hip than germs.

      Dec 11, 2007 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   fussbudget bang

    also, these folks should just step back and let the universe take care of it. shit karma is real, people. i once forgot to bring a butt bag for my dog (one time in a thousand walks, honest) and she left a chocolate whippy right there on some old guy’s front lawn. THE VERY NEXT DAY I SQUELCHED UPON ANOTHER DOGGY’S DOOKIE DONUT AND IT GOT ALL STUCK UP IN THE CREVICES OF MY SNEAKERS.

    shit karma (it’s real).

    Dec 11, 2007 at 3:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #15   GezD bang

    I like the Ron Burgundy question mark: “you are not an animal?”

    I imagine the elevated tone of voice and furrowed brow on that last syllable.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 3:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Bucklehoneysuckle bang

      Hah. That’s what the note made me think of.

      “I’m Ron Burgundy?”
      “You are not an animal?”

      Someone needs to write “I am an animal?” at the bottom of the note.

      Dec 11, 2007 at 9:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Andy bang

    Oh, and thank you for more Park Slope notes. Always appreciated. :D

    Dec 11, 2007 at 5:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   amy d bang

    Wouldn’t it be funny if the dog owner used the “Seriously?” note to clean up the dog poop and then left it on the doorstep of the note-writer????

    Dec 11, 2007 at 9:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #18   Lurker

    Hey, at least with the question mark he’s giving them the benefit of the doubt. He’s leaving open the possibility that they ARE animals!

    Dec 11, 2007 at 10:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   Wade bang

    Don’t feed your dog bananas.


    Dec 11, 2007 at 11:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #20   Open English

    love the notes that have weird question marks at the end of them… it adds depth to the note.
    “are you an animal?”
    aren’t we all?

    Dec 11, 2007 at 11:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   pirateywill

    i’m not an animal! I’m a cheese log!

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Juliet

    I would have left note #1 if I’d come across a turd inside the building where I live. I love the word ‘seriously’ and it’s been a catch-phrase of mine for years.

    On a side note, our cat left a turd on the kitchen floor last night, right in front of the refrigerator. My fiance stepped over it several times while eating breakfast/making lunch/getting and replacing stuff from the fridge.
    He was up before me… I found it on the floor after he left and it took me less than 30 seconds to clean up. Thirty seconds.

    Seriously, it isn’t hard, turd-leavers of the world! Team Clean Up The Poo!

    Dec 11, 2007 at 12:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      mmm yes. Not too long ago I woke up (at 5:30am) to my husbands saying “Puppy had an accident. ALL OVER. Well, I am off to work!” leaving me to spend my next hour cleaning up runs and taking care of a sick dog.

      Dec 11, 2007 at 4:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Troy McClure bang

      How many husbands have you got?

      Dec 11, 2007 at 6:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   Rae

      That is such a man thing to do. My ex would have done the same thing.

      Oh and my brother as well. I specifically recall a few weeks ago there was a hairball on the kitchen floor. My brother felt just fine stepping over it and ignoring the fact that it was there, until I happened to step right in it *unaware of its presence*. He found it absolutely hilarious by the way. Little punk.

      Dec 13, 2007 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   GhostWriter bang

    Somebody needs to lay down a Monster Log (I believe the term was “triple-coiler” from a previous note) and add the note, “Serious as a Heart Attack!”

    Dec 11, 2007 at 1:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #24   Wade bang

    Are we sure that is canine feces?

    Perhaps the mad bomber, shamed out of public restrooms everywhere by a barrage of P-A notes, felt compelled to, er, “unburden” out in the open.


    Dec 11, 2007 at 2:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #25   Katie

    First photo: Looks like a rat turd to me. Am I the only one who thinks that??

    Dec 11, 2007 at 2:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Olrun bang

      Maybe a New York sewer rat ???
      Maybe….. :)

      Dec 11, 2007 at 3:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #26   Olrun bang

    OH SHIT !!!!

    ( Sorry, didn’t see that anyone else had posted that, had to do it. )

    Dec 11, 2007 at 4:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Mishee bang

      or you could do P.S. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

      That was a great note….

      Dec 11, 2007 at 4:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   Olrun bang

      Mishee !!!!!
      That was the SHIT !!!!!
      lol. 8)

      Dec 11, 2007 at 5:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Quite Contrary

    Turns out the shit was picked up only because someone had put it on their “Secret Santa Wish List.”

    Dec 11, 2007 at 4:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #28   Jodi Blaze

    Note #1: No…it’s one of those specialty joke turds

    Note #2: Unless science is wrong, mammals are animals

    Dec 11, 2007 at 4:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   Olrun bang

    What’s up with the “?” of the spiecies in note #2, as if dog’s are expected to pick up after themselves or if they have dog’s of their own….seriously ?!?
    ( Ya’ I confused myself with this one…..I don’t care…..)

    Dec 11, 2007 at 5:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #30   Canthz_B bang

    Note #2 has crappy punctuation??? :-)

    Dec 11, 2007 at 5:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Karen bang

      So to speak, CB … :D

      So does comment # 29….Just messin’ with ya, Olrun ! ;-)

      Dec 11, 2007 at 5:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #31   Inga bang

    The ONE TIME I leave shit on the stairwell, my elitist, perfectionist, obviously-OCD clean-freak neighbor has to go and get all critical and nasty and weird about it. Where’s my feedback for all the times I haven’t left shit on the stairwell? Where’s my “I appreciate the shitless stairwell, seriously!” sign?

    ” . . . jeff says the shit was cleaned up when he checked a few hours later.” (This gives me the image of Jeff periodically checking on the shit. How many times did Jeff check? Did he call into work that day, “Mmm. Sorry; not gonna make it. Shit in the stairwell’s gotta be watched. Mm-hmm. In fact, I better get back to the shit-checking. Alrighty. You too.” – ??)

    Dec 11, 2007 at 7:28 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #32   saisei

    “You are not an animal?”

    My mama told me I could be anything I wanted.

    *sniff* *offended*.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 8:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #33   Pand0raWilde

    At least it wasn’t written net speak style, a la “Srsly?”

    Dec 11, 2007 at 9:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   Rocky

    OK – WTF happened here? Are we redecorating? You can’t add thread comment capability
    and then reshuffle the comments ignoring the threads, there is no way to know who is talking about what…..
    Never mind the .02 point font…..
    Or am I hallucinating? (cool!) Or is my Mac hallucinating? Wouldn’t be the first time!
    OK, at least editing is still a feature…….

    Dec 11, 2007 at 10:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #35   Crash bang

    CAN ANYONE SEE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Dec 11, 2007 at 10:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #36   Writer, Rejected

    There is definitely a prob here. And it ain’t shit in the hallway.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 11:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #37   HS

    mamason- your comment made me spit toothpaste onto my monitor!

    Dec 11, 2007 at 11:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #38   Blindman

    Sorry folks, I don’t see the shit. Poor photography.

    Dec 11, 2007 at 11:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #39   Crash bang

    Huh ??? What, I can’t see you….

    Dec 11, 2007 at 11:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #40   just one question

    [...] related: seriously!?! [...]

    Sep 28, 2008 at 6:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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    Recognition Strange,between piece watch path equipment river test institution long society master lie united deputy seat fear something invite fast fear enough clear so across ancient bind warn imply drive pound unfortunately look where market any unable use list progress artist fast enemy satisfy complex future apart speech announce male belong huge thought better better today list familiar mark like blood may cold recall citizen season severe easily merely at choice simply couple incident curriculum hot shoe lady equipment clean hide purpose bird surface famous element together

    Dec 9, 2009 at 1:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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