Our anonymous submitter saw this note posted on the door to the walk-in cooler at a convenience store in Boerne, Texas. “The clerk told me that the Red Bull delivery guy had been drinking Red Bull and leaving the empty cans on the floor of the walk-in,” our submitter says. “In her words, ‘he was knockin’ himself off!’”
(the full scene)
related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there would be no books.”
103 responses so far ↓
#1
Rice
I hate adio…it distorts my vdeo
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:31 am rating: 11
#2
Joseph R.
It gives you wings.
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:32 am rating: 2
#3
Southern Girl
For the Red Bull Man’s sake, I hope it not only gives you wings, but a “Get out of jail free” card as well.
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:39 am rating: 4
#4
Zoe
…those Red Bulls were fucking delicious.
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:41 am rating: 1
#5
Wade
Somehow the threat of being “prosucuted” doesn’t seem like much of a deterrent.
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:55 am rating: 3
#6
Writer, Rejected
I don’t get it. They put up a note saying they were making video recordings because the delivery guy was leaving his empties? It’s not like he was stealing stuff, or eating/drinking their inventory, right? Well, that’s not passive aggressive. That’s just stupid.
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:59 am rating: 1
#7
JaiJai
ADIO, AOIO… Excuse me?
On another note, I assume Red Bull delivery man isn’t saving them up for when he arrives so he can drink them in the cooler. It’s far more likely he’s got a little parched on his journey and cracked open a can or two in attempt to quench his thirst and get a bit of a caffeine hit. This note suggests there is no problem with just offloading your empty cans in the cooler, so long as you don’t actually consume them once inside.
I would conclude that Red Bull Man has nothing to worry about.
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:00 am rating: 0
#8
Writerrejected
Yeah, Red Bull Man seems pretty safe to me.
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:04 am rating: 1
#9
amy d
Well, this note clearly will not be a deterrent as they neglected to include the All Seeing Eye of Justice.
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:09 am rating: 5
#10
KittyKat
Prosucuted? Is that some kind of new sex thing I don’t know about?
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:12 am rating: 4
#11
DrAstroZoom
“Prosucuted” — being assaulted by prosciutto. And on a side note, you haven’t experienced justice until you’ve been smacked up with dry-cured ham.
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:13 am rating: 6
#12
Rice
Well Kitty, wouldn’t you like to know…
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:15 am rating: 0
#13
Shane
I read it with a comma after Red Bull. As in “We are recording and we don’t want to be disturbed. If you disturb us, there’s no telling what crazy things we might do to you since we are hopped up on Red Bull.”
“Be Careful!!! Red Bull, Man!!!!”
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:18 am rating: 2
#14
Shane
oh and didn’t we put the Kibosh on the “Fuckin’ Delicious” phrase
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:19 am rating: 1
#15
KittyKat
Ignorance is not always bliss!
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:19 am rating: 0
#16
acolyte
Zoe, put on the unitard! Now! Now did the writer mean to say “audio” or “adios” or “audio” ?
Well I guess Red Bull Man is happily soaring the skies
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:28 am rating: 0
#17
DrAstroZoom
What if the Red Bull Man is the one who actually left the note? Hmmmmm!
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:31 am rating: 2
#18
talk2ulater
Is it just me, or are everyone’s comments really really small?
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:40 am rating: 0
#19
amy d
@ DAZ: If that is the case, we should lobby for warning labels on Red Bull. “Warning, excessive use of this product may cause bizarre spelling errors.”
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:43 am rating: 0
#20
anglophile
I’m confused. Why are they storing their Red Bull in the recording studio?
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:45 am rating: 1
#21
pirateywill
why is the adio in process anyway? is it like having film developed at the grocery store? at least there I don’t have to worry about being prosucuted, although prostituted is still a concern in my town.
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:47 am rating: 2
#22
chonny
I’m actually very glad someone posted this. It has brought public awareness to the very illegal and prosucute-able offense of eating and drinking. And in a cooler?? You, red bull man, are a monster!
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:47 am rating: 5
#23
Wade
http://www.adiofootwear.com/
Well, as least now we know where the microwave burning skaters moved to.
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:52 am rating: 1
#24
Lurker
So, is he stealing food and drink from the cooler and eating it there? Because the way it’s worded it sounds like the thing they have a problem with is that the food and drink is being consumed within the confines of the cooler, no matter how it got in there and who owns it. Would it be OK if he took food that was in the cooler, brought it out, and ate it in the kitchen? Or are they upset that he brought his own food in and is messing up their nice clean cooler with his spilled coffee and doughnut crumbs?
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:55 am rating: 0
#25
unholyghost2003
Ah the PAness. Slogging through the spelling and grammar problems and distilling out the note’s meaning you end up with ‘We are doing our damnedest to catch you in the act of something unspeakable. If caught you will face the harshest penalties possible under the law. So we will warn you and wish you good luck and god speed in avoiding our traps! :)’
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:05 am rating: 3
#26
Bas
Is this a new commercial for red bull?
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:06 am rating: 1
#27
Canthz_B
Audio? Why? Do they expect the Red Bull Man to say, “Well, I guess I’ll eat and drink in the cooler now.”? Maybe they have a retired Navy sonar operator with a headset in the security room at the ready, “Boss! I hear munching in the cooler. No, wait…false alarm, it’s just chewing gum.”
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:10 am rating: 9
#28
Juliet
Spelling errors aside, this note is directed at one person, the ‘Red Bull Man’.
This note gives the false illusion that it could be directed at any number of people who might frequent the cooler at first, but soon they are pointing a finger at the intended culprit. Totally P-A, the note is intended for one person. They can’t just ask him to stop drinking Red Bulls in the cooler? And they’ve gone to all the trouble of setting up a camera (and adio)?
Awesome!
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:13 am rating: 6
#29
reclusivemonkey
Don’t forget – we all need to be “carefull”. If not, we’ll be “prosucuted”.
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:16 am rating: 0
#30
Wade
our submitter says. “in her words, ‘he was knockin’ himself off!’”
So, either he is making cheap copies of himself, or….
ewwww.
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:16 am rating: 5
#31
Canthz_B
“Knockin’ himself off”? Is suicide by Red Bull even a possibility?
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:17 am rating: 1
#32
Karen
But why bother with the note at all ? Isn’t the clerk there when Red Bull Man comes to deliver ? Why not just tell him to stop drinking and leaving empties in the cooler?
Or is the clerk angry that Red Bull Man is not using the recycle bin for his empties?
I love that the clerk said “he was knockin’ himself off”. Interesting way to put it – I get a different kind of picture in my head…..hmmm.
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:19 am rating: 1
#33
SilverIris
The strange and selective use of punctuation boggles the mind. Like, why bother with two periods if you are going to leave out a third necessary period and an entire handful of commas? That’s just lazy. Or stupid. Or both.
Dec 12, 2007 at 11:45 am rating: 2
#34
Willow
I feel sorry for Budweiser. They went to all the trouble of making that huge sign (is it a sign? I can’t tell. According to the note writer, it would be a sing!), and Red Bull is getting all the press!
Dec 12, 2007 at 12:24 pm rating: 3
#35
Writer, Rejected
I seriously thought Red Bull Man’s name was Adio. As in “And Adio: Please do not eat or drink your Red Bull in our cooler.” It’s fun how many interpretations there are without punctuation. Also, I didn’t want to think that the spelling problem was that bad. That’s bad.
Dec 12, 2007 at 2:09 pm rating: 3
#36
GhostWriter
You know what he was “knockin’ himself off” of? The top ten list of “Least-caffeinated Red Bull Delivery Guys.”
It’s a badge of honor worn by the drivers who drink the least Red Bull, sorta like a crack dealer who doesn’t touch the stuff.
But just like those ostensibly drug-free dealers, look what happens when you lock them in a cooler surrounded by Red Bull! He thought he was sneakin’ in a quick fix, but the judges are on to him.
Dec 12, 2007 at 2:25 pm rating: 3
#37
Andy
Hmmm… so is she reviewing the video (and adio) like the Zapruder film?
“The can goes back, and to the left… back, and to the left… back, and to the left…”
That note is just so mangled, it’s priceless. God bless America!
Dec 12, 2007 at 2:40 pm rating: 3
#38
GhostWriter
“Well Chief, that just about wraps it up! I’ve installed the covert video camera and audiofeed to catch the dreaded Red Bull thief in action, and here are the tapes.”
~ later ~
“Smart, I’ve been all through all these tapes and they’re all useless- where’s the evidence??”
“Oh, um, Chief, apparently, the fridge light goes off when the door closes, so we didn’t get any video of the crime…”
“No video?!? Well, what about the audio??”
“Well THAT we got- only I installed the mics on the outside of the fridge, so we didn’t actually record the thief…”
“Max, why did you put the mics on the outside of the fridge?”
“That cooler is one big echo chamber; it sounded much clearer when I tested them on the outside wall.”
Dec 12, 2007 at 3:27 pm rating: 11
#39
Canthz_B
Enlarged view of picture two shows an awfully warm “cooler”!
Dec 12, 2007 at 4:06 pm rating: 1
#40
Jodi Blaze
You will be sentenced to 15 years of wearing wiiiings
Dec 12, 2007 at 4:10 pm rating: 0
#41
machead
He’s a real Red Bull Man,
sitting in his cooler man,
drinking all his red bull cans
for his body.
Doesn’t have a lunch room too,
knows not where he’s going to poo,
isn’t he a bit like you and me?
Red Bull Man, please listen,
we don’t know where you’re pissing,
Red Bull Man, the adio is recording your burps.
(…not enough time to finish/improve this, anyone?)
Dec 12, 2007 at 4:57 pm rating: 10
#42
Karen
Got machead back to even. Didn’t realize until now that we only have one vote per post.
Dec 12, 2007 at 5:37 pm rating: 2
#43
Inga
Grad student clerk refering to the ADLO (Assessment of Developmental Levels by Observation). Any chance the empties have nipples?
Prosecuted in Texas could be spelled d-e-a-t-h-space-r-o-w. You wouldn’t catch me being anything but ful of care, no bul.
Dec 12, 2007 at 8:15 pm rating: 1
#44
Reno
You can never be to carefull!!
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:03 pm rating: 1
#45
saisei
..maybe the cooler is so warm because Adio keeps opening it to maintain his red bull fix.
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:31 pm rating: 1
#46
lola
We should check to see if Adio has a cape under his shirt. He could be a superhero using the cooler to change into his spandex man-thong while getting hopped up on Red Bull.
Let the man do his thang, ladies!
Dec 12, 2007 at 9:44 pm rating: 4
#47
BoggyWoggy
Consider this:
Scene: walk-in cooler in Texas…
Oh, forget it! That says it all for me.
Dec 12, 2007 at 10:23 pm rating: 0
#48
Canthz_B
With the temperature gauge on the cooler reading more like that of a sauna, I’ll bet a lot more than drinking Red Bull goes on in there!
Dec 13, 2007 at 12:29 am rating: 0
#49
Lurker
Oh, Red Bull Man, oh, Red Bull Man,
Please clean up your Red Bull cans.
Do not leave them on the floor
Of the cooler anymore,
Or, surely as the bull is red,
You shall be pro-Sec-u-TED.
We’ll have you up before the judge,
Since from the cooler you won’t budge.
The cans are slim, their mouths are wide,
But there is no cold drink inside.
We’re taping all of this, you know,
For Funniest Home Videos.
So, as you lurk between the stacks
Of pony kegs and cold six-packs,
Remember that we’re on to you;
We’re watching everything you do.
Enjoy your energetic drink
As deeper in our trap you sink.
Your dirty tricks we will not stand,
Oh, Red Bull Man, oh, Red Bull Man.
Dec 13, 2007 at 12:34 am rating: 1
#50
SHARKFAN
Dear Adio,
Please do not eat or drink in the cooler. You make too much noise chewing and sipping; it ends up in the background of the recording that’s being processed there.
Make sure to be full of care, or you will get an ass-whooping.
Much love,
RedBullMan
Dec 13, 2007 at 1:12 am rating: 2
#51
park rose
First try so I will care-fully post this to a not too-new thread.
This is to the tune of Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi”
Red Bull came to Texas
Pulled into the parking lot
Took a swig of his soda pop
And cursed cos’ he was hot
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
Empties in the cooler
RB’s in the corner shop
On the walk-in floor
Prosciutto, liver and brawn
He’d been there before
Cans were littered and strewn.
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
Empties in the cooler
RB’s in the corner shop
Been knocking himself
On and off, the clerk did say, hey
While stocking the cooler shelves
In the middle of the day,
Pray
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
Empties in the cooler
Red Bull’s in the corner shop
Late last night
RB heard the screen door slam
Now he’s been duly processed
Headcheese, leg o’ ham.
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
Empties in the cooler
RB’s in the corner shop
Dec 13, 2007 at 7:24 am rating: 3
#52
Rae
Adio– I’m tired of using technology…
Totally thought of that song by Justin Timberlake.
Dec 13, 2007 at 11:32 am rating: 2
#53
Juliet
I’ve been having the tune of “nowhere man” stuck in my head, but instead of “nowhere man” I sing “red bull man”.
It’s kind of amusing.
Dec 14, 2007 at 2:09 pm rating: 1
#54
machead
haha, sorry about that!
Dec 14, 2007 at 2:35 pm rating: 1
#55 noo oogling
[...] related: adio, amigo [...]
Jan 7, 2008 at 8:39 pm rating: 0
#56
walkinCooler
This looks like a KYSOR walk-in cooler
. If so, those walls are pretty thick and sound proof. I would hate to get locked in one. The robber must have barricaded the door though because there are all sorts safety of mechanisms built into the design of walk-in coolers
today.
Mar 22, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: 0
#57
walkinCooler
I think this is a KYSOR walk-in cooler
. If so, those walls are pretty thick and sound proof. I would hate to get locked in one. The robber must have barricaded the door though because there are all sorts safety of mechanisms built into the design of walk-in coolers
today.
Mar 22, 2008 at 8:00 pm rating: 0
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