amber received this amazing note in an envelope on her doorstep in sacramento. “i have no idea which neighbor sent this to me, but i can only assume it was the paranoid-looking woman who lived above me,” she says. “but i don’t do drugs. i don’t even smoke cigarettes!”
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150 responses so far ↓
#1 Amy
How does the concerned neighbor think a lovely holiday season gets started, if not for a little illicit activity?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:14 pm rating: +8
#2 WanderingPenguin
I love how this woman was fairly lucid for the first three paragraphs but then goes completely off the curve at paragraph four, perhaps in an attempt to lend credence to her claim that the “passive abuse” is affecting her adversely.
Good thing she isn’t concerned about “passive/aggressive abuse”. She’d be goin’ straight to the big house.
Now I want to know what “other steps” are going to be taken to ensure “drug use” is happening. Is she going to drop off a big back of weed next?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:27 pm rating: +7
#3 WanderingPenguin
BTW, how bad is the USPS that this took more than a year to go from one apartment to another in the same building? Even at Christmas time that seems excessive.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:30 pm rating: +2
#4 Holly
Is it just me, or do her e’s drive you insane?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:33 pm rating: +4
#5 Pand0raWilde
I’d need drugs to deal with neighbors like that.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:36 pm rating: +3
#6 Wade
“if there is drug use going on that affects other tenant’s (sic) right to clean breathing, other steps may be taken to ensure it”
wait, what?
Does the notewriter mean that:
a. she will take steps to ensure that special kind of drug use that affects the breathing of others?
or
b. she will secure for the recipient another form of drug that will not produce smoke (heroin, perhaps)?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:40 pm rating: +3
#7 SilverIris
Hmm. The smell of my neighbor’s leek and potato soup on Wednesday did leave me a little light-headed. And Meatloaf Mondays are pretty nauseating too.
Maybe I will take leaf from the PAN book of manners and accuse them of drug use before broaching the subject.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:44 pm rating: +4
#8 spalding smails
Note how she mentions the presumably ungodly time at which she’s writing the note (4 a.m.), so as to really drive home the point of how disruptive the recipient’s alleged drug use is.
Also, I agree with the others here that the holidays just aren’t complete without rampant drug use. How else are we to tolerate our families?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:46 pm rating: +5
#9 mamason
What’s she complaining about? I’m all for Team Contact Buzz!
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:47 pm rating: +4
#10 Canthz_B
Assuming Amber is telling the truth and there is no drug use or even tobacco smoking, just how bad is her B.O.?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:51 pm rating: +2
#11 TreeShaker
I wonder if she left this little gift on everyone’s doorstep, or stood at the contributor’s door ’sniffing her out’?
Having a 10+ year career in the Neurology Profession, I would like to remind her that phantom odors and paranoia can be a symptom of brain tumor.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:52 pm rating: +10
#12 mamason
Dear concerned neighbor,
Sorry it took me so long to respond to your lovely letter, but I nodded off for a while. I then had to hook up with my dealer to beef up my stash, and that took longer than expected because I owe him some money and I had to work it off in trade. Anywho… Thanks for your concern. I hope you also have a lovely holiday season. Now please, don’t harsh my buzz!
Take care…
Stoned neighbor
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:55 pm rating: +2
#13 Canthz_B
I think paragraph four means that the vents will be opened even wider to ensure that other tenants get their fair share.
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:03 pm rating: +3
#14 Canthz_B
It must be tough to decide whether to wish someone all the best or just some of the best in life when you’re semi-stoned from sniffing the air vents in your apartment.
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:10 pm rating: +2
#15 WanderingPenguin
Out of curiosity, do you need a 30+ year health professional career (I think I gagged a bit just typing that so badly) to suspect illicit drug use? What, seriously, does one have to do with the other? Do you train to be a German Shepherd in that career?
“Having a 25+ year hairdresser career, I suspect improper storage of sweaty gym equipment which is affecting my own air daily and nightly.”
That seems to make as much sense to me.
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:19 pm rating: +5
#16 Nugget
I think the “4:00 AM” timestamp on the note is the funniest part. As my mother always used to implore: anyone awake at that hour is up to no good!
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:36 pm rating: +6
#17 madhatta
Hey man. upstairs neighbor Dude,
Go fuck yurself. Ah…no I mean dudette, right?
anyway go “do it”. *snicker*
peace out man,
Bongo
*coff hack *
p.s. no personal issues here m.jane took care of ‘em
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:40 pm rating: +1
#18 Eilis
12-16-06
4:20am
Hi again neighbor,
I just wanted to apologize for the note I left the other morning. I’d had a tough day at the hospital and just couldn’t sleep so I was feeling irritable. I hope we can be friends.
Hey listen, when you come home tonight, would you mind… um… “relaxing” in your bathroom again? That strange odor that comes through my bathroom vent, while unpleasant to breathe, sure did cut the irritability. Oh, and I slept like a baby! Thanks friend!
ALL the best,
Your upstairs neighbor
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:51 pm rating: +4
#19 morpho aurora
if concerned neighb is wandering her apt. at 4 a.m. sniffing vents, she definitely needs meds - i think the smell is coming from her own apt. (probably unwashed dishes and piled up garbage) and neighb is just in denial - do we know if she is a cat lady?
Dec 17, 2007 at 11:35 pm rating: +2
#20 burke
ensure what? that paragraph is so hard to digest.
Dec 17, 2007 at 11:44 pm rating: +1
#21 reality
hmmm…4:00a.m. Must be up getting more munchies’ to eat and decided to laughingly,*snicker hehehe snicker* write note before she could not find the ability to drag herself off to bed in a stoned stupor. Or was it glue she smelled maybe nieghbor likes to put together model airplanes hhhmmm?
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:36 am rating: +1
#22 reality
Does anyone remember that song “marijuana, marijuana,LSD,LSD……
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:40 am rating: 0
#23 ALA
Do I want someone who can’t decide whether or not they want to wish someone all the best taking part in healthcare activities? I’m going with no on that…mostly because I think she’s crazy. Either that, or they should take away her key to the pharmaceuticals.
Assuming she went to college then put in 30 years in healthcare, she’d be in her 50s. Does this look like the handwriting of a 50 year-old to you?
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:42 am rating: 0
#24 reality
Already tried to make it official,haven’t been able to since the storm so I have no !!!!!!! But just wanted to say she wanted to share paranoid feelings, you know share them with the nieghbors,make everyone a little jumpy.
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:54 am rating: +1
#25 Simster
It is the elipses after “Take Care” (or should that be TakE CarE?) that takes the PA cake for me. The barely veiled threat implicit in those three little dots gives me chills.
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:03 am rating: +5
#26 reality
My thought exactly….
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:12 am rating: +1
#27 Douglas Keachie
4 am probably means delivery time and so nobody saw me deliver it, Or, I go to bed at 7 pm, and get up at 3 am to do yoga, and or meditate.
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:58 am rating: +1
#28 Hannah
would shE prEfEr if “this passivE abusE” wErE to continuE loudly?
Dec 18, 2007 at 3:26 am rating: +1
#29 Katy
Perhaps she was smelling her brain cooking.
Dec 18, 2007 at 3:56 am rating: 0
#30 Peabody
While I find her writing incredibly condescending - especially the 30+ year career in health care - I totally agree with her. I have a similar problem in my bathroom and my neighbour’s cigarette smoke coming in through the ventilation system and I find it disgusting and frustrating.
Dec 18, 2007 at 4:18 am rating: +2
#31 WickedLady
Hey guys, it’s me. (If you remember…)
I’m going way off topic now, but I just wanted to say goodbye. This is a great place and all, but not the place for me. Probably because of my sense of humor. I don’t want to offend anyone in the future.
TakE carE…
Wicked
Dec 18, 2007 at 4:40 am rating: 0
#32 Hubbers
Normally I laugh at the note writers. We all do - that is why we love this blog.
But this lady does have a right to not be baked if she doesn’t want to be.
Dec 18, 2007 at 6:43 am rating: 0
#33 Lurker
Most time-wasting note ever. Someone who’s into that sort of thing is NOT going to stop just because he’s been asked to, or at the mere threat of “other steps.” Call the landlord, call the cops, save your looseleaf.
Dec 18, 2007 at 8:44 am rating: +2
#34 ThaAlien
Besides the fact i’m so laughing, i’m totally amazed…
(1) because i just consider that you should be able to do anything you want at your place (i think the key is in “your”) even being a junkie (i might be alittle too permissive anyway there is a point here…)
(2) if the guy is smoking this much, you shouldn’t waste your time asking him to stop, he probably gave up a few years ago about that
(3)if you can smell your neighbour’s home odours this good you should just consider moving out!
And yes, a 30+ year(s?) in health care is such a good point: as a former medical student I can tell you, we smoke way too much while on duty, this IS experience.
Dec 18, 2007 at 9:14 am rating: +1
#35 marshmallow
Wait, doesn’t California have that medical marijuana act? So the person smoking pot could have a legitimate reason for doing so, like cancer or something? Surely as a health care professional, the concerned neighbor would know this. Mind your own business or move out!
Dec 18, 2007 at 9:58 am rating: +5