Amber received this amazing note in an envelope on her doorstep in Sacramento. “I have no idea which neighbor sent this to me, but I can only assume it was the paranoid-looking woman who lives above me,” she says. “But I don’t do drugs. I don’t even smoke cigarettes!”
related: Don’t hate the playa
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155 responses so far ↓
#1
Amy
How does the concerned neighbor think a lovely holiday season gets started, if not for a little illicit activity?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:14 pm rating: 20
#2
WanderingPenguin
I love how this woman was fairly lucid for the first three paragraphs but then goes completely off the curve at paragraph four, perhaps in an attempt to lend credence to her claim that the “passive abuse” is affecting her adversely.
Good thing she isn’t concerned about “passive/aggressive abuse”. She’d be goin’ straight to the big house.
Now I want to know what “other steps” are going to be taken to ensure “drug use” is happening. Is she going to drop off a big back of weed next?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:27 pm rating: 10
#3
WanderingPenguin
BTW, how bad is the USPS that this took more than a year to go from one apartment to another in the same building? Even at Christmas time that seems excessive.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:30 pm rating: 4
#4
Holly
Is it just me, or do her e’s drive you insane?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:33 pm rating: 8
#5
Pand0raWilde
I’d need drugs to deal with neighbors like that.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:36 pm rating: 7
#6
Wade
“if there is drug use going on that affects other tenant’s (sic) right to clean breathing, other steps may be taken to ensure it”
wait, what?
Does the notewriter mean that:
a. she will take steps to ensure that special kind of drug use that affects the breathing of others?
or
b. she will secure for the recipient another form of drug that will not produce smoke (heroin, perhaps)?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:40 pm rating: 4
#7
SilverIris
Hmm. The smell of my neighbor’s leek and potato soup on Wednesday did leave me a little light-headed. And Meatloaf Mondays are pretty nauseating too.
Maybe I will take leaf from the PAN book of manners and accuse them of drug use before broaching the subject.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:44 pm rating: 5
#8
spalding smails
Note how she mentions the presumably ungodly time at which she’s writing the note (4 a.m.), so as to really drive home the point of how disruptive the recipient’s alleged drug use is.
Also, I agree with the others here that the holidays just aren’t complete without rampant drug use. How else are we to tolerate our families?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:46 pm rating: 8
#9
mamason
What’s she complaining about? I’m all for Team Contact Buzz!
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:47 pm rating: 4
#10
Canthz_B
Assuming Amber is telling the truth and there is no drug use or even tobacco smoking, just how bad is her B.O.?
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:51 pm rating: 3
#11
TreeShaker
I wonder if she left this little gift on everyone’s doorstep, or stood at the contributor’s door ‘sniffing her out’?
Having a 10+ year career in the Neurology Profession, I would like to remind her that phantom odors and paranoia can be a symptom of brain tumor.
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:52 pm rating: 15
#12
mamason
Dear concerned neighbor,
Sorry it took me so long to respond to your lovely letter, but I nodded off for a while. I then had to hook up with my dealer to beef up my stash, and that took longer than expected because I owe him some money and I had to work it off in trade. Anywho… Thanks for your concern. I hope you also have a lovely holiday season. Now please, don’t harsh my buzz!
Take care…
Stoned neighbor
Dec 17, 2007 at 9:55 pm rating: 3
#13
Canthz_B
I think paragraph four means that the vents will be opened even wider to ensure that other tenants get their fair share.
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:03 pm rating: 3
#14
Canthz_B
It must be tough to decide whether to wish someone all the best or just some of the best in life when you’re semi-stoned from sniffing the air vents in your apartment.
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:10 pm rating: 2
#15
WanderingPenguin
Out of curiosity, do you need a 30+ year health professional career (I think I gagged a bit just typing that so badly) to suspect illicit drug use? What, seriously, does one have to do with the other? Do you train to be a German Shepherd in that career?
“Having a 25+ year hairdresser career, I suspect improper storage of sweaty gym equipment which is affecting my own air daily and nightly.”
That seems to make as much sense to me.
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:19 pm rating: 7
#16
Nugget
I think the “4:00 AM” timestamp on the note is the funniest part. As my mother always used to implore: anyone awake at that hour is up to no good!
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:36 pm rating: 7
#17
madhatta
Hey man. upstairs neighbor Dude,
Go fuck yurself. Ah…no I mean dudette, right?
anyway go “do it”. *snicker*
peace out man,
Bongo
*coff hack *
p.s. no personal issues here m.jane took care of ‘em
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:40 pm rating: 1
#18
Eilis
12-16-06
4:20am
Hi again neighbor,
I just wanted to apologize for the note I left the other morning. I’d had a tough day at the hospital and just couldn’t sleep so I was feeling irritable. I hope we can be friends.
Hey listen, when you come home tonight, would you mind… um… “relaxing” in your bathroom again? That strange odor that comes through my bathroom vent, while unpleasant to breathe, sure did cut the irritability. Oh, and I slept like a baby! Thanks friend!
ALL the best,
Your upstairs neighbor
Dec 17, 2007 at 10:51 pm rating: 4
#19
morpho aurora
if concerned neighb is wandering her apt. at 4 a.m. sniffing vents, she definitely needs meds – i think the smell is coming from her own apt. (probably unwashed dishes and piled up garbage) and neighb is just in denial – do we know if she is a cat lady?
Dec 17, 2007 at 11:35 pm rating: 2
#20
burke
ensure what? that paragraph is so hard to digest.
Dec 17, 2007 at 11:44 pm rating: 1
#21
reality
hmmm…4:00a.m. Must be up getting more munchies’ to eat and decided to laughingly,*snicker hehehe snicker* write note before she could not find the ability to drag herself off to bed in a stoned stupor. Or was it glue she smelled maybe nieghbor likes to put together model airplanes hhhmmm?
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:36 am rating: 1
#22
reality
Does anyone remember that song “marijuana, marijuana,LSD,LSD……
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:40 am rating: 0
#23
ALA
Do I want someone who can’t decide whether or not they want to wish someone all the best taking part in healthcare activities? I’m going with no on that…mostly because I think she’s crazy. Either that, or they should take away her key to the pharmaceuticals.
Assuming she went to college then put in 30 years in healthcare, she’d be in her 50s. Does this look like the handwriting of a 50 year-old to you?
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:42 am rating: 0
#24
reality
Already tried to make it official,haven’t been able to since the storm so I have no !!!!!!! But just wanted to say she wanted to share paranoid feelings, you know share them with the nieghbors,make everyone a little jumpy.
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:54 am rating: 1
#25
Simster
It is the elipses after “Take Care” (or should that be TakE CarE?) that takes the PA cake for me. The barely veiled threat implicit in those three little dots gives me chills.
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:03 am rating: 5
#26
reality
My thought exactly….
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:12 am rating: 2
#27
Douglas Keachie
4 am probably means delivery time and so nobody saw me deliver it, Or, I go to bed at 7 pm, and get up at 3 am to do yoga, and or meditate.
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:58 am rating: 1
#28
Hannah
would shE prEfEr if “this passivE abusE” wErE to continuE loudly?
Dec 18, 2007 at 3:26 am rating: 1
#29
Katy
Perhaps she was smelling her brain cooking.
Dec 18, 2007 at 3:56 am rating: 0
#30
Peabody
While I find her writing incredibly condescending – especially the 30+ year career in health care – I totally agree with her. I have a similar problem in my bathroom and my neighbour’s cigarette smoke coming in through the ventilation system and I find it disgusting and frustrating.
Dec 18, 2007 at 4:18 am rating: 2
#31
WickedLady
Hey guys, it’s me. (If you remember…)
I’m going way off topic now, but I just wanted to say goodbye. This is a great place and all, but not the place for me. Probably because of my sense of humor. I don’t want to offend anyone in the future.
TakE carE…
Wicked
Dec 18, 2007 at 4:40 am rating: 0
#32
Hubbers
Normally I laugh at the note writers. We all do – that is why we love this blog.
But this lady does have a right to not be baked if she doesn’t want to be.
Dec 18, 2007 at 6:43 am rating: 0
#33
Lurker
Most time-wasting note ever. Someone who’s into that sort of thing is NOT going to stop just because he’s been asked to, or at the mere threat of “other steps.” Call the landlord, call the cops, save your looseleaf.
Dec 18, 2007 at 8:44 am rating: 2
#34
ThaAlien
Besides the fact i’m so laughing, i’m totally amazed…
(1) because i just consider that you should be able to do anything you want at your place (i think the key is in “your”) even being a junkie (i might be alittle too permissive anyway there is a point here…)
(2) if the guy is smoking this much, you shouldn’t waste your time asking him to stop, he probably gave up a few years ago about that
(3)if you can smell your neighbour’s home odours this good you should just consider moving out!
And yes, a 30+ year(s?) in health care is such a good point: as a former medical student I can tell you, we smoke way too much while on duty, this IS experience.
Dec 18, 2007 at 9:14 am rating: 1
#35
marshmallow
Wait, doesn’t California have that medical marijuana act? So the person smoking pot could have a legitimate reason for doing so, like cancer or something? Surely as a health care professional, the concerned neighbor would know this. Mind your own business or move out!
Dec 18, 2007 at 9:58 am rating: 5
#36
Mishee
If this was an anon contribution, I would be lead to believe this was the first note (of many) written by Anthony Grosso to Rene Hall.
It was only after Rene ignored it that Anthony got serious with the note writing (which resulted in writer’s cramp which made his handwriting look like a dyslexic spider on crack)
But that would be only if it was anon.
Amber – quit smoking drugs!!
(like I am one to talk! I think my neighbors may believe I have a whole TB ward living at my house cause there is so much coughing!)
Anyways, I digest…
Dec 18, 2007 at 10:03 am rating: 3
#37
amy d
With apologies to Vanilla Ice, ROFLMAO, as if. Anyway, it doesn’t exactly flow, but work with me:
All right stop permeating the ventilation system
With your illicit drug use, of which I must condemn.
So, I must submit to you politely,
That it’s affecting my own air daily and nightly.
Will it ever stop? Yo, I don’t know,
But I’m not willing to let it go.
It’s passive abuse of my rented home, you see.
I’m not making threats, you’ll agree
By implying other steps will be taken
To ensure clean air will not be forsaken.
I’ve got 30+ years in the health care field
To diagnose a druggie with the DSM I wield
So, make a choice, I leave it to you
And a Happy Holiday season to you and your crew.
Word to your mother!
Dec 18, 2007 at 10:15 am rating: 8
#38
A.A guy
Don’t go wicked lady,you are a very provocative person.
Inspiring reactions is a talent many people will never possess.
Jim
Dec 18, 2007 at 10:37 am rating: 3
#39
the sos
Dear Neighbor, 3:18pm
Please consider doing a more thorough job when dusting your house. The dust coming through our shared ventilation system is sure to give me some respiratory ailment. This is not just a guess as I have a 21.87+ career in automotive repair. I realize that it’s not YOUR dust, per se, but nonetheless you house it and stir it up every time you attempt to clean. I would write to Mexico and ask them to do a better job containing their dust, but I don’t think the use of a capital E with all lowercase letters would aggravate them enough. And I think the guilt trip is better spent on you since now you have to avert your eyes every time we pass in the hall. Other measures (you know what I mean) will be taken if this issue is not resolved.
Happy ChristmaHannaKwanza!
Pneumatic Neighbor
p.s. – If my and every other tenants’ right to breathe freely continues to be infringed upon I will ensure this happens.
Dec 18, 2007 at 10:53 am rating: 5
#40
Bucklehoneysuckle
“However, I must confess I am not willing to let this ‘passive abuse’ of my own rented home to continue quietly.” — Concerned Neighbor
Wow, she is so poetic with her word choices. The way she words her sentences makes my head hurt, or… as Concerned Neighbor would say “The sentences are worded that they will make your head to hurt.”
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:10 am rating: 0
#41
Amber
Love the comments on here. I really do think the lady might have had her own problem with drugs.
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:17 am rating: 0
#42
unholyghost2003
I *might* be wrong, but a quick perusal of the City of Sacramento Building code requirements for multifamily dwellings prohibits the sort of ventilation that would cause such a problem. Even with an older building, an upgrade of the ventilation system is required if other improvements over a certain dollar amount are undertaken. So, perhaps the “further steps” are to get the building declared in violation of building code and make everyone homeless?
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:25 am rating: 5
#43
mere
hmmm.. ‘concerned neighbor’. i’d be concerned about THAT neighbor.
smelling things that aren’t there.
‘do you smell that?’
‘what?’
‘it’s. . like.. orange peels and pencil shavings.. or.. POT!’
‘hmm.. dude, i think you have a brain tumor. you should get that checked out’
**
at least the handwriting is nice and legible.
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:01 pm rating: 1
#44
anglophile
Did she accidently write a normal e in “Best of luck” and then go back and correct it to ε?
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:03 pm rating: 2
#45
Life With Buck
The writer of this note is a loser and a nerd. Party on Amber! And if you don’t party, you should start … if for no other reason than to really piss off your delusional neighbor.
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:07 pm rating: 0
#46
Paragoddess
Has anybody thought to ask the PAN recipient if she burns incense? I had the police called out to my dorm because I burned incense and my RA thought it was pot. Also, if the smell is permeating through the bathroom vent, the source could be strong smelling tea tree based soaps and shampoos. Furthermore, if they are “hippie” in nature or have dreadlocks, they may use pajouli spray to cover any unpleasant smell.
Furthermore, being a forensic science graduate, the “sniff test” is not taught in CSI class. Even a 30 year health care professional should know that the “sniff test” is not reliable.
Despite the very real possibility of donning the unitard, ‘The misuse of capital E’s is fucking delicious!’
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:25 pm rating: 2
#47
Paragoddess
Maybe she confused lavender with ganga. Who knows, they are both weeds!
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:33 pm rating: 1
#48
Jo
“Having a 10+ year career in the Neurology Profession, I would like to remind her that phantom odors and paranoia can be a symptom of brain tumor.”
Isn’t smelling phantom odors also a sign of a stroke?
Dec 18, 2007 at 12:41 pm rating: 0
#49
the sos
not to get all psychiatrical and all, but some nut-bags just make shit up. really.
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:01 pm rating: 5
#50
Paragoddess
Not all koo koos are in clocks.
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:03 pm rating: 2
#51
Susanna
Sounds like someone needs to curb their Yankee Candle addiction.
Dec 18, 2007 at 1:44 pm rating: 0
#52
snowy
Somebody’s mad they weren’t invited…
Dec 18, 2007 at 2:12 pm rating: 0
#53
Sarah
I like that this is written at 4 am. What the hell was she doing awake?!
Dec 18, 2007 at 2:15 pm rating: 0
#54
Paragoddess
“…if there is drug use going on that affects other tenant’s right to clean air, other steps may be taken to ensure it…”
1.) Are we ensuring the right to clean air or drug use that imposes on that right?
2.) Was there a meeting in which everybody decided that they were against contact highs?
3.) Furthermore, are we ensuring just one tentant’s rights or all tenants’?
4.) Lastly, I thought her 30+ years in the health care profession gave her the ability to sniff out drugs. What is this “if”!
Team YAY NEW GIRL
Dec 18, 2007 at 2:40 pm rating: 0
#55
GhostWriter
Mr. Crankstone slowly pulled back the sheets of his bed. Mrs. Crankstone was fast asleep, and he didn’t want to wake her, especially right now.
But she did awaken, and her big accusing round eyes seemed to ask Mr. Crankstone, “What are you doing out of bed at 4 AM?”
“I just went to the bathroom,” stammered Mr. Crankstone. He tried not to breathe in her general direction as he climbed back into their bed.
Mrs. Crankstone closed her eyes for a few seconds, but then snapped back awake, eyes wide open, and simply stated, “I smell pot!”
Was now the time for Mr. Crankstone to come clean? Should he admit to his near-nightly habit of sneaking into their 2nd bedroom/office and blowin’ chiba while surfing short porno clips from Twistys.com? “Would she be madder about the pot or the porn?” he wondered.
“It must be that girl downstairs…” croaked Mr. Crankstone, his lips pursed, letting as little air out of his mouth as possible. “It probably comes right up our common ventilation system .” Mr. Crankstone was surprised that, in his current state of inebriation, he thought up such an excellent lie so quickly. “Let her take the heat,” he thought, “Didn’t I just clean up her dog’s turd off our stairs last week?”
Dec 18, 2007 at 2:52 pm rating: 14
#56
Paragoddess
I love it when there is someone who can make such a hysterical connection between PAN.
I really have to stop reading these at work. I just spewed very tasty Mc Donalds iced coffee out my nose.
Dec 18, 2007 at 3:06 pm rating: 0
#57
Jodi Blaze
If the neighbor doesn’t think drug use is in the plan for a lovely holiday season, they got another thing coming
Dec 18, 2007 at 4:13 pm rating: 1
#58
drinless
team ‘immediately begin doing as many drugs as possible’.
creative story, GW.
Dec 18, 2007 at 4:18 pm rating: 0
#59
Stella
I love the “all?” in parenthesis. It’s so… considerate.
I recently discovered this site, by the way (courtesy of clutterchonny’s links), and I’m so very glad.
Dec 18, 2007 at 4:44 pm rating: 0
#60
Canthz_B
This one time at band camp there was a strange smell coming through the vent we shared with an adjacent cabin.
My counselor was going to investigate, but suddenly decided we should spent the night eating S’mores instead. I think I did something nasty with my French Horn…but that’s all hazy now…
Dec 18, 2007 at 5:36 pm rating: 2
#61
David
She must have gotten a contact high. In fact, it was so good a high, that she thought it was still 2006 (check the date).
Now that’s good weed!
Dec 18, 2007 at 6:22 pm rating: 0
#62
Canthz_B
I’m pretty sure Sacramento has a public bus system, delivery trucks and cars on the streets.
If neighbor can breath the exhaust from that 24/7, maybe lighten up a bit on a possible good night’s sleep buzz.
Get real. If you want fresh air, buy an ionizer.
Dec 18, 2007 at 7:17 pm rating: 0
#63
Maria
I love the fact that she put “4:00am” on there, I guess something’s been bugging her sleeping habits.
Dec 18, 2007 at 8:08 pm rating: 0
#64
saisei
Hm….I’ve only been in the health care field for 12 years…
Pretty sure I could identify weed-smell (ah…the sweet skunkiness)..
Maybe she’s upset about the contact high munchies…gained a lot of weight, maybe? (I wonder if her 30+ years in health care could help at all with that? Diet, exercise…less brownies?)
Dec 18, 2007 at 8:37 pm rating: 0
#65
amazon
Maybe Rene Hall is causing the smoke.
And she forgot to thank Terry!
Dec 18, 2007 at 8:44 pm rating: 0
#66
secondsout
Dear Concerned Neighbor,
Hi back! Thanks for your concern. I do have a personal problem. It is not illicit drug use, though. It is a neurotic neighbor who is skulking around my apartment, leaving nasty notes. It’s really freaking me out!
A lovely holiday season to you and yours, too. Bitch.
Regards,
Your neighbor
Dec 18, 2007 at 9:33 pm rating: 1
#67
secondsout
BTW, did anyone notice that with the comment about “passive abuse,” her complaint about other tenant’s rights, and the note itself, that she managed the trifecta of a passive-aggressive note, unnecessary quotation marks, and apostrophe abuse? Well done, Concerned Neighbor!
Dec 18, 2007 at 9:36 pm rating: 1
#68
Writer, Rejected
I had a friend who lived this woman once in NYC who used to write CRAZY notes all the time. Turns out she thought my friend and her roommates were sending radiocative rays through the ceiling at her, so she put down an entire carpet of aluminum foil to protect herself. (Everyone knows aluminum is a natural foil to radiation.)
Anyway, I feel a little bad for the concerned neighbor, as I always do around the mentally ill, though I must say this is a fine PAN holiday specimen, olfactory hallucinations or not.
And as we said in college, “Harsh BT’s, dude,” meaning bong tokes. Guess, we were a bunch of crazy damn kids having some holiday fun!
Dec 18, 2007 at 9:39 pm rating: 2
#69
amy d
Perhaps this neighbor *could* smell what the Rock was cooking or maybe it was just teen spirit.
Dec 19, 2007 at 10:24 am rating: 0
#70
robins
who tf writes like that?
Dec 27, 2007 at 11:31 pm rating: 0
#71
Kelly
You think that’s funny, but this actually happened to my husband and me in our last apartment before we bought our house. We had marijuana smoke coming in through our bathroom vents. My husband actually had to open the vents up and put in pieces of cardboard to block the fumes. We wouldn’t have dared leave these people a note, though. They were too creepy/scary.
Jan 26, 2008 at 7:36 pm rating: 1
#72
bobby
maybe she left one for everyone.
Jul 18, 2008 at 5:36 pm rating: 0
#73 it’s on my dresser, next to my rolling papers
[...] related: passive (voice) abuse [...]
Oct 27, 2008 at 8:12 pm rating: 0
#74
a canning haze
I don’t understand why the author mentions a career as a health professional. Is part of med school sampling the illicit drugs which one might encounter in detox patients?
Jun 7, 2009 at 1:12 pm rating: 0
#75 Calls will be made! Police will be called! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Passive voice abuse Share1mail [...]
Sep 28, 2010 at 6:44 pm rating: 0
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