jared says this sign was posted in both the men’s and women’s restrooms at his office in salt lake city, utah. says jared, “it seems that someone does not like hearing people ‘pushing.’”
related: are you there, margaret? god, could you be any more disgusting?
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FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · bathroom · eww · excessive underlining · noise · office · salt lake city · that shit is disgusting
— Wade
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actions speak louder actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism art austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn bullet points california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. die bitch die dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies fridge garbage gloriously redundant group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jersey jesus kids kitchen landlord laundry london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks ontario opening/closing p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san diego san francisco sarcasm say wha? seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley smoking spelling and grammar police stealing temperature texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting toilet toronto touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" virginia visual aids water whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
136 responses so far ↓
#1
WanderingPenguin
Great. Just when I finally conquered my paruresis problems. Damn you Salt Lake City!
I wonder if they can hear all the (bathroom) readers digest, too? Wakka wakka wakka….
Dec 18, 2007 at 10:45 pm rating: +9
#2
bintgoddess
Um… ew.
Dec 18, 2007 at 10:46 pm rating: 0
#3
mamason
This too shall pass.
Dec 18, 2007 at 10:53 pm rating: +13
#4
mamason
Please forgive me, oh thou of the silent and immaculate defecation! My flatulence has long been the bane of my existence. Beano! Beano! Where fart thou, Beano?
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:09 pm rating: +9
#5
Canthz_B
With farts like those, just be glad those walls are shatter-proof!
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:10 pm rating: +1
#6
anglophile
I suppose the walls aren’t smellproof either?
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:12 pm rating: +5
#7
Life With Buck
If you don’t like it then Stop Listening When I Pee!
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:13 pm rating: +2
#8
Canthz_B
This is what happens when you put the blind guy’s desk near the restroom!
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:15 pm rating: +4
#9
WanderingPenguin
I wonder if anyone can hear you washing your hair in this triflin’ office washroom?
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:17 pm rating: +4
#10
morpho aurora
instead of using your time to analyze the noises from the bathrooms try doing your job – if you had enough time to make a sign, perhaps there isn’t enough work piled on your desk
the maker of this sign is now responsible for subsequent UTIs and leakage.
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:19 pm rating: +1
#11
Wade
Perhaps they should loosen the bolt that secures the exhaust fan.
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:20 pm rating: +5
#12
Canthz_B
Shouldn’t you expect these things if you work at CCFA?
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:25 pm rating: +4
#13
anglophile
I’m thinking they could just install some speakers to pipe in music throughout the office. A repeating loop of The Osmonds Greatest Hits seems appropriate.
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:28 pm rating: +4
#14
amy d
The sign maker was very careful to not ASSume the gender of the offender. Kudos.
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:35 pm rating: +4
#15
TygerAKC
GREAT! Some of us weren’t self conscious enough about using a semi-public restroom to begin with, now we KNOW someone is listening rather than just WONDERING if someone is listening!!
Dec 18, 2007 at 11:48 pm rating: +7
#16
Detective Julie
Maybe they’re talking about SEXY bodily functions going on in the stalls, since they also mention “conversations”. Woo woo!
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:16 am rating: +2
#17
Crash
I think it would be “conciderate to others” if someone wasn’t listening to “others” going to the bathroom, but that’s just me.
Anyway……..
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:48 am rating: +4
#18
Eilis
If you can’t make bathroom noises in the bathroom, where should you make them?
I suppose farting while alone in an empty elevator would be frowned upon as well.
Team Where Ever You Be, May Your Wind Be Free!
Dec 19, 2007 at 1:03 am rating: +7
#19
Canthz_B
I’m sorry, I’m having trouble getting my mind around just how the sign-maker expects others to eliminate poopy-air-pockets.
Heck, sometimes you don’t even know if it’s going to be solid, liquid or gas! Let alone a Tweener!
Dec 19, 2007 at 1:12 am rating: +7
#20
Canthz_B
To Jingle Bells…Happy Holidays
Drop my pants,
Take my stance,
Holler, “Bombs away”!
Hope my friends,
Don’t lend an ear,
As I flush my turds today, Hey!
Wipe my butt,
Mirror strut,
Perhaps wash my hair.
Take my leave,
My own pet peeve,
Is that creepy Frank’s out there!
Dec 19, 2007 at 1:45 am rating: +12
#21
maria
LMAO!!! ahaha that was funny.
Dec 19, 2007 at 1:53 am rating: 0
#22
Canthz_B
never mind
Dec 19, 2007 at 2:20 am rating: 0
#23
Mystic
I tried to be considerate of others by lighting a match when I was done. Fortunately, the tidal wave of a splash put the match out before the sprinkler system could go off.
Dec 19, 2007 at 2:57 am rating: +2
#24
Willow
At least they didn’t use clip art.
Dec 19, 2007 at 5:21 am rating: +5
#25
GezD
It’s a toilet. People poo and wee in a toilet. If you want peace and quiet, go to a library.
Dec 19, 2007 at 6:36 am rating: +1
#26
amy d
Susie requests permission from the boss to post a sign on the bathrooms regarding noisy bodily functions. The boss replies, “Make it so #1.”
Dec 19, 2007 at 6:49 am rating: +3
#27
amy d
Bathroom jokes-everybody knows 1 or 2.
Dec 19, 2007 at 7:33 am rating: +1
#28
GhostWriter
First, this happened.
Then the sign went up.
Dec 19, 2007 at 8:40 am rating: 0
#29
paragoddess
How is one suppose to curtail bodily function sounds? I suppose one could courtesy flush prior to releasing the sound, but to me that would be more annoying than listening to somebody’s muffled John Fart.
Dec 19, 2007 at 9:07 am rating: +1
#30
paragoddess
BTW, I have donned the unitard gracefully from the last PAN; however, orange is not a good color for me. If I wasn’t already wearing it, I would be soon for this PAN has Fucking Delicious written all over it.
Dec 19, 2007 at 9:21 am rating: +1
#31
GhostWriter
Believe it or not, I’ve had recurring dreams of needing to use a toilet, but the only one available is located in a semi-public area, where passerbys can see/hear/smell your every bodily function. I try to be as innocuous as possible, to no avail. Of course, there’s no toilet paper.
Thank you, Salt Lake office, for making my dreams come true.
Dec 19, 2007 at 9:26 am rating: +1
#32
paragoddess
I’ve got it! Maybe the consideration is not to have bodily function sounds and conversations quietly, but to have them louder so the eavesdropper doesn’t have to strain thier hearing to feel included!
It was a stretch…
Dec 19, 2007 at 9:54 am rating: 0
#33
Ariadne
Wow – how exactly does the note-writer expect people to control their “bodily function noises”? Except maybe if this is from the office where Jake has his “flatulence problem”?
Dec 19, 2007 at 9:56 am rating: +2
#34
the sos
i was once subjected to what can only be described as a severe gastrointestinal event. disturbing? yes. gross? a little. but in spite of the fact we were in a public restroom we were IN A RESTROOM. if it’s related to going – anything goes. that’s my credo. honestly, i was just bummed that i had left my phone at the dinner table. while it may not be considered the most tasteful conversation it’s a recording i would have reveled in having. i’m not weird, either. it was the most ridiculously preposterous thing i’ve ever witnessed.
Dec 19, 2007 at 10:38 am rating: +2
#35
T-Bone
In SLC, no caffeinated drinks, no tobacco, no booze, no drugs, no thong panties, no cussing, no spitting, no tatts–
Now we must add farting, crapping, peeing and bathroom small-talk to the list of don’ts. What an enormous amount of pressure there is to be a regular human being in Salt Lake.
Dec 19, 2007 at 10:42 am rating: +3
#36
summer
farts smell so that deaf people can enjoy them too.
Dec 19, 2007 at 10:47 am rating: +5
#37
GhostWriter
There should be a law against this manner of bathroon stall oppression. In fact, I’m going to write to my senator, Larry Craig.
Dec 19, 2007 at 11:12 am rating: +10
#38
DrAstroZoom
It’s my potty, and I’ll grunt if I want to,
Grunt if I want to,
Grunt if I want to.
You can grunt too if shit happens to you!
Dec 19, 2007 at 11:20 am rating: +5
#39
Katzndogz
Seriously, who did this person piss off that they got designated an office/cubicle next to a bathroom with thin walls?
Dec 19, 2007 at 11:55 am rating: +2
#40
cre8tivewmn
The sign-maker gets a copy of “Everybody poops” in the holiday gift exchange.
Sorry, but the restroom is the one place you’re allowed to make those noises. I sympathize that you have such a crummy office location, but I suggest you get earplugs rather than trying to control this behavior.
Dec 19, 2007 at 11:56 am rating: +3
#41
Lorelie
If the note writer doesn’t want to hear either conversations or “bodily function noises” that leaves only song! This is obviously a desperate plea for more Christmas carols.
Dec 19, 2007 at 1:11 pm rating: +2
#42
secondsout
So I have a slight question. What the hell conversation is going on in these bathrooms? Most bathrooms I frequent are fairly conversation-free. Maybe a polite greeting to the other bathroom denizens, but beyond that, it’s not the sort of place where one proposes, or gives speeches, or debates the finer points of Tolstoy’s writing.
Dec 19, 2007 at 1:56 pm rating: +3
#43
Canthz_B
REALITY…Have you tried the help buttons at the bottom of this page?
Dec 19, 2007 at 2:04 pm rating: 0
#44
NERDS!!!
I wish I could write “sorry” on that note.
Dec 19, 2007 at 2:12 pm rating: +2
#45
wickedopinion
Where is there a bathroom where the walls are really THAT thin? Who constructed this building? I agree completely with preceding posts – your desk is near the bathroom because you suck and need to work harder and if you can’t make bathroom noises in the motherfather bathroom, then where? Cafeteria, VP’s office?
Also, if Patty from Accounting wants to gossip with Linda from Payroll about Tammy from Sales’ slutty skirt, then the bathroom is the exact place she should be doing that…I’m sure most Human Resources managers would agree.
Dec 19, 2007 at 3:22 pm rating: +6
#46
Jodi Blaze
NO SHIT!!!
Dec 19, 2007 at 4:08 pm rating: 0
#47
doeseatoats
Damn! Ate too much fruit and cake.
Dec 19, 2007 at 4:10 pm rating: +3
#48
Canthz_B
This note just sounds like a load of crap!
Dec 19, 2007 at 4:18 pm rating: +4
#49
machead
Let’s re-write this note slightly, only this time without the crazy:
PLEASE TO BE POOING AND TALKING!
Conversations and bodily function noises are a perfectly normal occurrence in a washroom, public or private.
THESE BUTTS ARE NOT SOUNDPROOF.
Dec 19, 2007 at 5:29 pm rating: +1
#50 or at least pass the sports section under the door
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May 26, 2008 at 11:28 pm rating: 0
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