Two heartwarming notes brimming with compassion and holiday cheer!
related: a holiday wish
And what’s your Christmas wish?
December 20th, 2007 · 105 comments
FILED UNDER: Boulder · Christmas · dogs · heartwarming compassion · holiday spirit · Los Angeles · piss · pleasantries as afterthought · the homeless
105 responses so far ↓
#1
Larry David
That yappy dog was fucking delicious
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:05 pm rating: 23
#2
mamason
What if the poor homeless guy is a bed wetter and can’t help it?
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:15 pm rating: 3
#3
mamason
How much do you want to bet that the homeless guy took a dump on their porch after reading that note?
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:19 pm rating: 2
#4
Canthz_B
The homeless on Pearl Street, having heard of this note, immediately begin to taunt the poor little dog!
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:26 pm rating: 22
#5
Canthz_B
This is a job for Heisa Monster and his sidekick the Jack O’Lantern of Porch Etiquette.
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:30 pm rating: 3
#6
mamason
Dear home owner,
You have been very naughty this year so no goodies for you.
Love Santa
P.S. That’s not coal in your stocking!
P.P.S. Oh yeah, Merry Christmas!
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:36 pm rating: 2
#7
Wade
Dear #2534?
Since when do they allow pets in prison?
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:48 pm rating: 7
#8
morpho aurora
Dear dog-hater,
I’m sorry my dog barks past midnight. Maybe you should tell your crack-head family to quit using my porch as a bed & bath. If you want to break in, feel free. My dog isn’t a little anything, we just had him neutered too early.
Merry Christmas, hope the doctors can re-attach that arm
Love,
#2534
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:51 pm rating: 10
#9
TygerAKC
What if the homeless guy sleeping and pissing on the porch is homeless because he can’t read?
Dec 20, 2007 at 7:54 pm rating: 8
#10
amy d
RF says, “Heh, I fed your dog to those homeless people. Here’s his name tag. You should have just muzzled him. Oh wait, I thought you said your dog doesn’t bark. 2534 looks at the tag & says “That’s not my dog.”
Dec 20, 2007 at 8:05 pm rating: 6
#11
Canthz_B
If the homeless of Pearl Street eat a nice, substantial meal of pooch and potatoes, they will leave more than piss on that porch!
Dec 20, 2007 at 8:12 pm rating: 5
#12
Gez
How does one steal a home? How does one feed a stolen home to a homeless?
Forcing a homeless to eat a house – that’s Morrisette level irony!
Dec 20, 2007 at 8:13 pm rating: 15
#13
Canthz_B
“So, if I sleep or relieve myself on your porch you’ll have my non-stabled donkey arrested?”
Dec 20, 2007 at 8:33 pm rating: 8
#14
Al
Merry friggin’ Christmas!
Dec 20, 2007 at 8:38 pm rating: 2
#15
Maddy
Hmm I don’t think either of those fit in with our current life style. I suspect that someone is writing notes equivalent to the yappy dog but substitute ‘noisy kids.’
Cheers
Dec 20, 2007 at 9:19 pm rating: 1
#16
Canthz_B
Is there a support group an indigent narcoleptic with enuresis can join?
Dec 20, 2007 at 9:20 pm rating: 3
#17
bellabeastie
I love how the “Oh, yeah Merry Christmas” is scrawled in almost dried-out Sharpie….VERY PA
Dec 20, 2007 at 9:35 pm rating: 1
#18
bellabeastie
Notice how RF doesn’t leave a number..maybe he’s #2533…I wonder if #2534 has any idea who this potential sneak thief of his home/dog may be? Does he/she scan the apartment directory for potential enemies with the same initials?
Where is Homeland Security when you need it?
Dec 20, 2007 at 10:10 pm rating: 0
#19
Wade
If you are found sleeping in this manger, we will not disturb you or ask you to leave… we’ll just call the Romans and have them haul you, your parents, and your homeless ass away… so find somewhere else to sleep and be born to save all of mankind…
…oh yeah, gloria in excelsis deo
Dec 20, 2007 at 10:13 pm rating: 33
#20
Eilis
Hey neighbor,
Thanks so much for not disturbing me while I sleep (and pee) on your porch. It’s tough to get a good night’s sleep when you’re homeless. I did have a job but I was let go for sounding like I ‘let go’ in the office bathroom. Anyway, thanks again and Merry Christmas to you too!
Dec 20, 2007 at 10:31 pm rating: 3
#21
bellabeastie
Okay –#1– Sleeping and (you know) is not allowed on the porch of my house/apt.. PERIOD. Then we have to answer the issue of “the dog barking after midnight”… question — how does he know it’s the dog and not the dog’s owner? (P.S. you have to know it’s a guy who sent this… no girl I know would threaten to steal someone’s house/pet. They would just steal her mascara. Corporale Punishment for that…)
Maybe, just maybe #2534 is the one who should be stolen and fead to the peasants… just asking..
Dec 20, 2007 at 11:00 pm rating: 0
#22
melanie
Eh, the homeless on Pearl Street are just unwashed Trustafarians. Their bellies are sufficiently full; they’d probably smoke the dog instead.
Dec 20, 2007 at 11:13 pm rating: 6
#23
Rocky
I think both these notes are fully aggressive, even though they are notes and not face-to face confrontations……..I tell you I’m scared!
Oh, and good luck stealing my barking pit bull (it could be!) by breaking into my house after midnight….
Even after you get eaten, there isn’t a jury in the land…..But its all good – I’ll finally be able to enact my plan of annexing your place to mine for the stray dog rescue center I’ve been planning.
And by the way (hand over the unitard, Larry David, you get off easy today and only today) my dog tells me that YOUR ASS WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS!
And that’s all I have to say about that.
Dec 20, 2007 at 11:14 pm rating: 4
#24
Lurker
Who cold forget this old Patsy Cline classic?
I go out barking after midnight,
Out in the moonlight just like we used to do.
I’m always barking after midnight,
Bow-ow-ow-oo.
I bark for hours in my apartment,
Well that’s just my way of saying I love you.
I’m always barking after midnight,
Bow-ow-ow-oo.
I stopped to see a homeless daddy-o,
Peeing on the patio.
Maybe he’s sleeping there, too.
And as the skies turn gloomy,
My bladder whispers to me,
“I need to go to the loo.
I go out barking after midnight,
Out in the moonlight, just hoping you may be
Somewhere a-barking after midnight,
Taking a pee.
I stopped to see a sleeping vagrant,
He was rather fragrant.
Maybe he’s sleeping in pee.
And as the skies turn gloomy,
Neighbor holler to me,
“Shut up, you stupid Corgee!”
I go out barking after midnight,
Out in the moonlight, just hoping you may be
Somewhere a-barking after midnight,
Taking a pee.
Dec 20, 2007 at 11:41 pm rating: 18
#25
bellabeastie
Brilliant… !! I love Corgi with 2 syllables to make it fit…
Dec 20, 2007 at 11:51 pm rating: 1
#26
lola
Dear Homeless Guy on porch:
Get your drunk ass down to Pearl Street… word is they’ll be serving Kung Pow doggy for free on Friday. Better than that Heisa crap they tried to pass off as chicken…
Dec 20, 2007 at 11:59 pm rating: 7
#27
Writerrejected
It’s beginning to look a lot like a PA Christmas ’round here. Happy Homeless Holidays.
Dec 21, 2007 at 12:14 am rating: 2
#28
Mystic
Dear RF:
#2534 has told me to expect their dog as Christmas dinner. Just because I’m Asian-American does NOT mean I eat dogs, you racist bastard! And yes, that flaming bag of pooh was from me.
Merry Christmas
Homless on Pearl Street
Dec 21, 2007 at 12:23 am rating: 4
#29
Douglas Keachie
Haul my homeless ass away to a nice warm jail ? How very kind and thoughtful of you, will they take my dog Spot too?
Allen Ginsberg
Dec 21, 2007 at 2:09 am rating: 1
#30
eh
nm
Dec 21, 2007 at 2:38 am rating: 0
#31
doeseatoats
I’m impressed that both of these notes managed to get the ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ grammatically correct. These aren’t notes hurriedly dashed out in a fit of vexation; obviously a lot of effort was put into spreading their holiday cheer. Your not retarded after all.
Dec 21, 2007 at 3:55 am rating: 3
#32
T-Bone
Please– someone shoot me if I become a nasty note-leaving person like these two.
Dec 21, 2007 at 9:56 am rating: 1
#33
wickedopinion
I REALLY REALLY want to see the possible clip art for these notes.
Dec 21, 2007 at 10:06 am rating: 2
#34
Open English
can’t you just smell the…… love (?) in the air?
Dec 21, 2007 at 11:22 am rating: 1
#35
Alix
My boyfriend’s brother is a cop in San Francisco, and the first note reminds me of stories he’s told. Half of his job is responding to calls for people asking him to kick the homeless people off their doorsteps, where they’re asleep. The cops respond “you know they’ll just move to your neighbor’s door, right?”. Caller replies “Yeah, but I don’t care. I just want him off my doorstep”.
Ah, the manifold levels of Scroogie-ness.
Dec 21, 2007 at 11:31 am rating: 3
#36
secondsout
The homeless on Pearl Street will be eating mutt loaf for xmas dinner.
Dec 21, 2007 at 11:43 am rating: 5
#37
secondsout
I would love to be add a little “a” before RF’s initials. Then it would read “ARF,” and would appear to be a cute little bark note written to “the little fucker” who barks after midnight.
Dec 21, 2007 at 11:46 am rating: 7
#38
GhostWriter
I wouldn’t mess with the 2nd note writer. “2534″ happens to be the combo to the key-code lock on the dog owner’s front door. Oh, he forgot to mention that he found the note inside his underwear drawer.
Dec 21, 2007 at 12:00 pm rating: 2
#39
Rhetorical
Bwahahahahaaa. … cold ass boulder! I love it… I hate working in boulder… and the people here are nutz!
Dec 21, 2007 at 3:31 pm rating: 0
#40
WickedLady
First someone calls my dog homeless and now he threatens to feed the poor little fellow to them? Such a harsh life for a dog.
Dec 21, 2007 at 3:55 pm rating: 2
#41
deann
i think that’s good
Dec 21, 2007 at 4:37 pm rating: 0
#42
Jodi Blaze
Dog….the other white meat
Dec 21, 2007 at 5:27 pm rating: 2
#43
Canthz_B
To “Oh, Holy Night”…I hope
Oh holy crap,
The neighbor’s dog is barking.
I cannot sleep.
I’ll be up until dawn.
Out on the porch,
A homeless guy is sleeping,
I’ve called the cops,
Hope they come before he pees.
I’ll steal that dog.
I’ll feed it to the homeless.
I’ll stew it up.
I’ll serve it down on Pearl Street.
Get off my porch!
Oh hear the sirens coming!
Oh night, destroyed.
Oh night, of silence gone.
Oh night, destroyed!
For peace, my peace I mourn.
Dec 21, 2007 at 9:08 pm rating: 10
#44
Wade
I used to live near Pearl Street.
As I recall, the homeless there were more cat people.
Dec 21, 2007 at 9:34 pm rating: 7
#45
ndpity
BAHAHAHAHAHA!
Well said, #22.
I was going to make some snarky comment about Boulder’s homeless being mostly vegetarian, but, no need…
Dec 23, 2007 at 12:18 pm rating: 0
#46 well, ho ho ho
[...] passive-aggressive notes from roommates, neighbors, coworkers and strangers ← and what’s your christmas wish? [...]
Dec 23, 2007 at 12:51 pm rating: 0
#47
SaiSei
Jesus..why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel?
Dec 24, 2007 at 1:31 am rating: 0
#48
Bas
The Homeless on Bourbon Street, what the.
You Americans are such asses when it comes to poor homeless people
I hope the owner of that store gets robbed by armed rap artists and becomes a homeless guy, when he looks for a place to sleep without trembling, or coughing his lungs out against a cold biting wind, he may come to have compassion for the more unfortunate individuals out there.
I’m so pissed..
Dec 25, 2007 at 7:28 pm rating: 0
#49
saisei
We are all heartless caricatures of Boss Hogg and deadly rap artists who rob and kill.
I’m moving to Bas’ country…it sounds much better…what with all the homeless people and such. I can stay with them!
Dec 26, 2007 at 8:07 am rating: 0
#50
Meg
I am so uploading the note I wrote to my neighbor about his yappy dogs (and his response) as soon as I get home.
Dec 28, 2007 at 2:42 am rating: 0
#51
Angie
10000 bucks for me and peace for the whole world
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2321924
Dec 28, 2007 at 10:36 am rating: 0
#52
Jomark Osabel
The irony and sarcasm of the holiday season.
Jan 7, 2009 at 10:27 am rating: 0
#53 Hey do-gooder, go back to Samaria! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: Find somewhere else to sleep and piss [...]
Dec 8, 2010 at 8:59 pm rating: 0
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