well, ho ho ho

December 23rd, 2007 · 88 comments

as we’ve seen this week, notes re: the neighbor’s constantly barking dog often end up being less passive-aggressive and more out-and-out aggressive. but as matt noticed, this san francisco resident was able to put a festive holiday spin on the old not-so-veiled threat.

related: oh, the irony

EMAIL THIS POST TO A PAL!

FILED UNDER: dogs · holiday spirit · neighbors · noise · san francisco

88 responses so far ↓

#1 Optical_Inch

Does that mean I’ll get a lump of something that’s close to coal in my stocking? A charcoal briquet, perhaps?

Dec 23, 2007 at 1:01 pm rating: +2

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- #1.1 amy d
  
  I love a good pork briquet with potatoes and a white wine sauce.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 1:59 pm rating: +1
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#2 Naomi

First!

No one can beat up Santa? I beg to differ.

Dec 23, 2007 at 1:02 pm rating: +1

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- #2.1 WanderingPenguin
  
  I think “First!” is perhaps a more annoying comment than “fucking delicious” has become. However, it’s “fucking delicious” when that comment isn’t even actually first. What a kick in the head.
  
  But more importantly….who in the hell can beat up Santa? Perhaps somebody could elaborate? Sounds like someone has had a few empty stockings over the years… or is about to get one.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 1:17 pm rating: +4
- #2.2 Wukki
  
  I can’t help mentioning that if I ever achieve first place in the comment thread, I will definitely profess my obvious triumph to the WORLD with so many obnoxious comments it’ll knock fuckin’ delicious right out of your vocabulary! ;D I haven’t registered yet, so I’m stuck with retro smilies. Also, sorry for the spelling-the spell checker’s currently in Italian. Stupid internet cafes! Now every word is spelled wrong!
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 2:52 pm rating: +3
- #2.3 Wade
  
  um, wukki
  
  take the semi out of your colon, and the smiley should work with or without registration, lol.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 3:02 pm rating: +2
- #2.4 GVI
  
  You may be “First” to comment, but I assure you that you will not be the “First” to wear the Unitard.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 3:13 pm rating: +1
- #2.5 WanderingPenguin
  
  I can’t help mentioning that if Wukki ever achieves first place in the comment thread I will definitely profess my obvious disgust with any mention of being “First!” in such a not-so-PA manner it will knock the glee right out of the “achievement”!
  
  I’d also like to mention that, speaking of “First!”, this is the first time I have ever seen anyone apologize for no spelling mistakes. So there’s a first for Wukki. Maybe that will do?
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 6:52 pm rating: +6
- #2.6 Sundaeg1rl
  
  A unitard for firsting fucktards. I like it.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 11:06 pm rating: 0
- #2.7 Rocky
  
  Ah, we missed you WP!
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 11:53 pm rating: +2
- #2.8 WickedLady
  
  Since no one else bothers to give it to him… (Hands WP the unitard.) It might be in quotation marks, but you still said “fucking delicious”.
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 6:29 pm rating: +3
- #2.9 Canthz_B
  
  Once again, the ~~torch~~ ‘tard has been passed.
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 8:50 pm rating: +1
- #2.10 Rocky
  
  To be fair, I believe we need 2 unitards, one for Wukki (2.2) as well…..
  
  Dec 25, 2007 at 8:04 am rating: +1
- #2.11 Canthz_B
  
  I guess WP should pass it. The longer it goes without a wash the worse the punishment of the wearer! LOL
  
  Dec 25, 2007 at 1:57 pm rating: +1
- #2.12 Katzndogz
  
  The fucking delicious thing never annoyed me nearly as much as the unitard thing.
  
  Dec 28, 2007 at 10:17 am rating: +1
- #2.13 park rose
  
  brand new, you’re retro.
  
  Dec 28, 2007 at 10:28 am rating: 0
- #2.14 WanderingPenguin
  
  I believe I have the unithong, so the unitard may be safely passed along, washed and ready.
  
  Dec 28, 2007 at 12:51 pm rating: 0
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#3 Crash

What if I want coal ?
Can I beat up Santa than ?

Dec 23, 2007 at 1:14 pm rating: +1

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#4 Crash

I’ll give you the dog if I can beat you up…..
Just a little bit…..please ?

Dec 23, 2007 at 1:16 pm rating: +1

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#5 amy d

This is a strange sign! I want to know the back story!

Dec 23, 2007 at 1:16 pm rating: +1

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- #5.1 WanderingPenguin
  
  It almost looks like the original sign just said “Beat up Santa”, as in “here’s a Santa doll that’s been around the block a few times. The rest of it seems to have been added later, as evidenced by the (mostly) all-caps. Still…. where exactly is this? And why? I agree - Team Back-Story!
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 1:19 pm rating: +1
- #5.2 amy d
  
  Interesting observation, WP. I could see that.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 1:42 pm rating: +1
- #5.3 anglophile
  
  I think the original sign meant Beat Up Santa because it was a booth at the carnival the Anti-Christmas League set up. You paid five bucks to beat him up.
  
  What? You’ve never heard of the ACL? It’s the shadowy organization running the War on Christmas.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 4:06 pm rating: +9
- #5.4 Canthz_B
  
  That makes so much sense Anglo!
  I wonder if they gave up or finally won the stuffed doggie?
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 4:24 pm rating: +1
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#6 GVI

How badly does one have to do damage to Santa to get coals?

Dec 23, 2007 at 1:22 pm rating: 0

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- #6.1 Canthz_B
  
  Well, hitting him below the belt would be considered naughty. That ought to do it.
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 8:46 pm rating: +1
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#7 Crash

Hmmm….Why would Santa want a dog for his sleigh in San Fransisco ?
What happened to all the rain deer ?

Dec 23, 2007 at 1:23 pm rating: 0

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#8 Wade

Maybe they had “The Ref” in their Netflix queue.

Nothing says Christmas like Denis Leary taking Santa down, lol.

Dec 23, 2007 at 2:11 pm rating: +2

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#9 Wukki

I love how they picked the biggest, most non-threatening santa to stick in the window. If you don’t watch out, my stuffed santa will bonk you with his nose!

Dec 23, 2007 at 2:55 pm rating: +2

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#10 Maddy

I think that should get the message across loud and clear!
Cheers

Dec 23, 2007 at 3:09 pm rating: +1

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#11 Canthz_B

Santa can be taken!

Bad Santa

Dec 23, 2007 at 3:49 pm rating: +1

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#12 Writerrejected

Incredible Hulk could beat up Santa. He’s green and when he’s pissed no little fat man in a red suit is going to stop him. He would also make the dog stop barking. Probably.

Dec 23, 2007 at 4:02 pm rating: +2

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#13 Canthz_B

If anyone is getting close to coals it’s Santa with his chimney climbing butt. That Yule Log can really heat things up for Old St. Nick!

Dec 23, 2007 at 4:19 pm rating: 0

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#14 Writerrejected

Also, once in a South Park cartoon, Jesus beat up Santa. Did anyone see that one? These things usually start with the age-old philosophical kid’s question about whether Spidey can kick Batman’s ass and ends with Jesus taking Santa down.

Dec 23, 2007 at 4:51 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #14.1 Canthz_B
  
  Puh-leez…everyone knows Spidey beats The Bat!
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 5:03 pm rating: +2
- #14.2 Writerrejected
  
  Not so sure my friend. Not so sure.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 5:04 pm rating: +2
- #14.3 Canthz_B
  
  Spidey Sense vs. Utility Belt?
  I’ll bet you two cat’s eyes and an aggie!
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 5:40 pm rating: +2
- #14.4 WanderingPenguin
  
  Perhaps, W,r, but what would Brian Boitano do?
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 6:54 pm rating: +3
- #14.5 anglophile
  
  wwbbd? I ask myself that every day. Keeps me on the straight and narrow.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 7:41 pm rating: +2
- #14.6 Writerrejected
  
  Exactly!
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 7:44 pm rating: +2
- #14.7 Brian Boitano
  
  I’d invite them over for some skating. Who would be better on ice, the spider or the bat?
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 6:48 pm rating: +3
- #14.8 Canthz_B
  
  I don’t know…but I’d pay good money to see that!
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 8:42 pm rating: 0
- #14.9 Danielle
  
  Michael Keaton or George Clooney?
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 9:00 pm rating: 0
- #14.10 Writerrejected
  
  Clooney….hands down. Though can he skate?
  
  Dec 25, 2007 at 12:08 am rating: 0
- #14.11 Eilis
  
  I would think not since the ice would melt on contact with Clooney.
  
  Dec 25, 2007 at 3:02 pm rating: +1
- #14.12 Cass
  
  When you consider Toby McGuire (latest Spidey) vs Christian Bale (latest Batman) there’s no question. Bale kicks McGuires ass from here to next Tuesday.
  
  Dec 26, 2007 at 3:59 pm rating: 0
- #14.13 Writerrejected
  
  I a little bit hate Christian Bale, but historically I would definitely put my money on Batman. Robin counts, too.
  
  Dec 26, 2007 at 6:15 pm rating: 0
- #14.14 Katzndogz
  
  Have y’all seen the most recent Spiderman storyline? Why use spidey senses when you can use the internet!
  
  Dec 28, 2007 at 10:19 am rating: 0
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#15 Kelly

Since when was Santa a prize fighter? I could totally take him out.

also…why does Santa want the dog for his sleigh? Does the dog fly? Is it going to yap at the ankles of the reindeer to make them go faster?

Team What the Hell Is This!

Dec 23, 2007 at 4:58 pm rating: 0

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#16 fantasy

Santa just wants to obtain dog so he can light coals and make a fucking delicious Christmas dinner for the homeless! Ho, Ho, Ho, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Dec 23, 2007 at 7:05 pm rating: +3

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#17 park rose

I think the Santa featured in this song could take anyone out. Shame there is no animation of him to accompany it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBhNPCfoKck
Merry Xmas, as they say in Futurama.

Damn, this was meant to be in reply to Kelly’s comment above. Edited too much, and got it ont he main thread. Sorry, ’bout that.

Dec 23, 2007 at 9:30 pm rating: 0

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- #17.1 Danielle
  
  The derrière reveal made my night! *smile*
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 9:04 pm rating: +1
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#18 Wade

Try this one, park rose

set to a Weird Al song

The Night Santa Went Crazy

Dec 23, 2007 at 9:58 pm rating: 0

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- #18.1 park rose
  
  Cheers, Wade. I saw that, but kinda wanted a combination of both (the Futurama singers, and the animation). Now the thread has both, so it’s all good.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 10:33 pm rating: 0
- #18.2 Wade
  
  and isn’t PAN all about teamwork.
  
  for the greater good.
  
  Dec 23, 2007 at 10:39 pm rating: +3
- #18.3 WanderingPenguin
  
  …for the greater good…
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 10:16 am rating: +2
- #18.4 WickedLady
  
  I’ve been listening to that song all day! That one and “Grandma got run over by a reindeer”. Happy Christmas everyone. Oh, you already had Christmas, right? Christmas lasts two days here.
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 6:41 pm rating: +1
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#19 Mystic

Perhaps Santa wants to stuff the dog so he can finally replace that tacky elf hood ornament on his sleigh.

Dec 23, 2007 at 10:54 pm rating: +1

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#20 Zsa

Maybe Santa has been watching THAT dog leave presents on his stoop and it has given him an idea on how to take the fight against “Naughties” to the next level-

Rover, I’ve brought you here tonight for a very important mission, if you choose to accept it. This year we will not be leaving coal in the stockings of the Very Bad. You task will be to fill each stocking with poo. I’ve been watching you for a while and I think you can produce the quality and quantity needed for this mission. I want you for my sleigh.

Dec 23, 2007 at 11:56 pm rating: +2

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- #20.1 Canthz_B
  
  Is that what that was?
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 12:18 am rating: 0
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#21 Canthz_B

Maybe Santa needs something to give the homeless people on Pearl Street. They can take him for a wok!

Dec 24, 2007 at 12:20 am rating: +2

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- #21.1 Canthz_B
  
  *sheepishly*…”him” meaning the dog, not Santa.
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 11:29 am rating: +1
- #21.2 Writerrejected
  
  Yummy….Santa Stir Fry with Mei Fan Noodles!
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 3:32 pm rating: +1
- #21.3 Canthz_B
  
  My thought this morning WR, or very close to it! LOL
  
  Oh, look…an edit button!
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 3:57 pm rating: 0
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#22 Team Cassandra

No time for notes, no time for notes, no time for notes …AAHG!

I’m gonna break into that house, steal that smelly Santa and feed him to the homeless on Pearl St. And I’m not even gonna miss him!

Go ahead - throw some coals at me - I can take it. After this season, I can take anything!

MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRYY
CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!

Dec 24, 2007 at 6:36 pm rating: +1

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- #22.1 WickedLady
  
  But you’re not getting any coal. You get doggy poop. Can you take that too?
  
  Dec 24, 2007 at 6:45 pm rating: +1
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#23 WickedLady

Getting close to coals? According to my treasure map that means I’m almost rich!

Just wondering, how does one beat up a non existing person?

Dec 25, 2007 at 10:20 am rating: +1

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- #23.1 Writer, Rejected
  
  Wait?! What?! Santa doesn’t exist?! What are you saying?! (I enjoyed punctuating this note.)
  
  Dec 25, 2007 at 1:31 pm rating: +2
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#24 A.A guy

My Mom was kinda loose. We called her a Ho Ho Ho.

Dec 25, 2007 at 2:59 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #24.1 Eilis

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

well, ho ho ho

December 23rd, 2007 · 88 comments

88 responses so far ↓