Well, ho ho ho

December 23rd, 2007 · 88 comments

As we’ve seen this week, notes re: the neighbor’s constantly barking dog often end up being less passive-aggressive and more out-and-out aggressive. But as Matt noticed, this San Francisco resident was able to put a festive holiday spin on the old not-so-veiled threat.

NO ONE CAN BEAT UP SANTA YOU ARE GETTING CLOSE TO COALS P.S. I WANT THAT DOG FOR MY SLEIGH

related: Oh, the irony

FILED UNDER: Christmas · dogs · holiday spirit · neighbors · noise · San Francisco


88 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Optical_Inch bang

    Does that mean I’ll get a lump of something that’s close to coal in my stocking? A charcoal briquet, perhaps?

    Dec 23, 2007 at 1:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   amy d bang

      I love a good pork briquet with potatoes and a white wine sauce.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 1:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Naomi

    First!

    No one can beat up Santa? I beg to differ.

    Dec 23, 2007 at 1:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      I think “First!” is perhaps a more annoying comment than “fucking delicious” has become. However, it’s “fucking delicious” when that comment isn’t even actually first. What a kick in the head. :D

      But more importantly….who in the hell can beat up Santa? Perhaps somebody could elaborate? Sounds like someone has had a few empty stockings over the years… or is about to get one.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 1:17 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Wukki

      I can’t help mentioning that if I ever achieve first place in the comment thread, I will definitely profess my obvious triumph to the WORLD with so many obnoxious comments it’ll knock fuckin’ delicious right out of your vocabulary! ;D I haven’t registered yet, so I’m stuck with retro smilies. Also, sorry for the spelling-the spell checker’s currently in Italian. Stupid internet cafes! Now every word is spelled wrong!

      Dec 23, 2007 at 2:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Wade bang

      um, wukki

      take the semi out of your colon, and the smiley should work with or without registration, lol.

      :D

      Dec 23, 2007 at 3:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   GVI bang

      You may be “First” to comment, but I assure you that you will not be the “First” to wear the Unitard.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 3:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   WanderingPenguin bang

      I can’t help mentioning that if Wukki ever achieves first place in the comment thread I will definitely profess my obvious disgust with any mention of being “First!” in such a not-so-PA manner it will knock the glee right out of the “achievement”!

      I’d also like to mention that, speaking of “First!”, this is the first time I have ever seen anyone apologize for no spelling mistakes. So there’s a first for Wukki. Maybe that will do?

      Dec 23, 2007 at 6:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Sundaeg1rl

      A unitard for firsting fucktards. I like it.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 11:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Rocky

      Ah, we missed you WP!

      Dec 23, 2007 at 11:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   WickedLady bang

      Since no one else bothers to give it to him… (Hands WP the unitard.) It might be in quotation marks, but you still said “fucking delicious”. :P

      Dec 24, 2007 at 6:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   Canthz_B bang

      Once again, the torch ‘tard has been passed.

      Dec 24, 2007 at 8:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   Rocky

      To be fair, I believe we need 2 unitards, one for Wukki (2.2) as well…..

      Dec 25, 2007 at 8:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   Canthz_B bang

      I guess WP should pass it. The longer it goes without a wash the worse the punishment of the wearer! LOL

      Dec 25, 2007 at 1:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   Katzndogz bang

      The fucking delicious thing never annoyed me nearly as much as the unitard thing.

      Dec 28, 2007 at 10:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.13   park rose bang

      brand new, you’re retro.

      Dec 28, 2007 at 10:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.14   WanderingPenguin bang

      I believe I have the unithong, so the unitard may be safely passed along, washed and ready.

      Dec 28, 2007 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Crash bang

    What if I want coal ?
    Can I beat up Santa than ?

    Dec 23, 2007 at 1:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Crash bang

    I’ll give you the dog if I can beat you up…..
    Just a little bit…..please ?

    Dec 23, 2007 at 1:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   amy d bang

    This is a strange sign! I want to know the back story!

    Dec 23, 2007 at 1:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      It almost looks like the original sign just said “Beat up Santa”, as in “here’s a Santa doll that’s been around the block a few times. The rest of it seems to have been added later, as evidenced by the (mostly) all-caps. Still…. where exactly is this? And why? I agree – Team Back-Story!

      Dec 23, 2007 at 1:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   amy d bang

      Interesting observation, WP. I could see that.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 1:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   anglophile bang

      I think the original sign meant Beat Up Santa because it was a booth at the carnival the Anti-Christmas League set up. You paid five bucks to beat him up.

      What? You’ve never heard of the ACL? It’s the shadowy organization running the War on Christmas.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 4:06 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Canthz_B bang

      That makes so much sense Anglo!
      I wonder if they gave up or finally won the stuffed doggie?

      Dec 23, 2007 at 4:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   GVI bang

    How badly does one have to do damage to Santa to get coals?

    Dec 23, 2007 at 1:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Canthz_B bang

      Well, hitting him below the belt would be considered naughty. That ought to do it.

      Dec 24, 2007 at 8:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Crash bang

    Hmmm….Why would Santa want a dog for his sleigh in San Fransisco ?
    What happened to all the rain deer ?

    Dec 23, 2007 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Wade bang

    Maybe they had “The Ref” in their Netflix queue.

    Nothing says Christmas like Denis Leary taking Santa down, lol.

    Dec 23, 2007 at 2:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Wukki

    I love how they picked the biggest, most non-threatening santa to stick in the window. If you don’t watch out, my stuffed santa will bonk you with his nose!

    Dec 23, 2007 at 2:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Maddy

    I think that should get the message across loud and clear!
    Cheers

    Dec 23, 2007 at 3:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Santa can be taken! :-)

    Bad Santa

    Dec 23, 2007 at 3:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Writerrejected bang

    Incredible Hulk could beat up Santa. He’s green and when he’s pissed no little fat man in a red suit is going to stop him. He would also make the dog stop barking. Probably.

    Dec 23, 2007 at 4:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    If anyone is getting close to coals it’s Santa with his chimney climbing butt. That Yule Log can really heat things up for Old St. Nick!

    Dec 23, 2007 at 4:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Writerrejected bang

    Also, once in a South Park cartoon, Jesus beat up Santa. Did anyone see that one? These things usually start with the age-old philosophical kid’s question about whether Spidey can kick Batman’s ass and ends with Jesus taking Santa down.

    Dec 23, 2007 at 4:51 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      Puh-leez…everyone knows Spidey beats The Bat! :-D

      Dec 23, 2007 at 5:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Writerrejected bang

      Not so sure my friend. Not so sure.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 5:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Canthz_B bang

      Spidey Sense vs. Utility Belt?
      I’ll bet you two cat’s eyes and an aggie! :-)

      Dec 23, 2007 at 5:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   WanderingPenguin bang

      Perhaps, W,r, but what would Brian Boitano do?

      Dec 23, 2007 at 6:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   anglophile bang

      wwbbd? I ask myself that every day. Keeps me on the straight and narrow.

      Dec 23, 2007 at 7:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   Writerrejected bang

      Exactly!

      Dec 23, 2007 at 7:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Brian Boitano

      I’d invite them over for some skating. Who would be better on ice, the spider or the bat?

      Dec 24, 2007 at 6:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Canthz_B bang

      I don’t know…but I’d pay good money to see that! :-)

      Dec 24, 2007 at 8:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   Danielle

      Michael Keaton or George Clooney?

      Dec 24, 2007 at 9:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   Writerrejected bang

      Clooney….hands down. Though can he skate?

      Dec 25, 2007 at 12:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.11   Eilis bang

      I would think not since the ice would melt on contact with Clooney.

      Dec 25, 2007 at 3:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.12   Cass

      When you consider Toby McGuire (latest Spidey) vs Christian Bale (latest Batman) there’s no question. Bale kicks McGuires ass from here to next Tuesday.

      Dec 26, 2007 at 3:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.13   Writerrejected bang

      I a little bit hate Christian Bale, but historically I would definitely put my money on Batman. Robin counts, too.

      Dec 26, 2007 at 6:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.14   Katzndogz bang

      Have y’all seen the most recent Spiderman storyline? Why use spidey senses when you can use the internet!

      Dec 28, 2007 at 10:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Kelly

    Since when was Santa a prize fighter? I could totally take him out.

    also…why does Santa want the dog for his sleigh? Does the dog fly? Is it going to yap at the ankles of the reindeer to make them go faster?

    Team What the Hell Is This!

    Dec 23, 2007 at 4:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   fantasy bang

    Santa just wants to obtain dog so he can light coals and make a fucking delicious Christmas dinner for the homeless! Ho, Ho, Ho, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

    Dec 23, 2007 at 7:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   park rose bang

    I think the Santa featured in this song could take anyone out. Shame there is no animation of him to accompany it!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBhNPCfoKck
    Merry Xmas, as they say in Futurama.

    Damn, this was meant to be in reply to Kelly’s comment above. Edited too much, and got it ont he main thread. Sorry, ’bout that.

    Dec 23, 2007 at 9:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Danielle

      The derrière reveal made my night! *smile*

      Dec 24, 2007 at 9:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Wade bang

    Try this one, park rose

    set to a Weird Al song

    The Night Santa Went Crazy

    Dec 23, 2007 at 9:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   park rose bang

      Cheers, Wade. I saw that, but kinda wanted a combination of both (the Futurama singers, and the animation). Now the thread has both, so it’s all good. :-)

      Dec 23, 2007 at 10:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Wade bang

      and isn’t PAN all about teamwork.

      for the greater good.

      :D

      Dec 23, 2007 at 10:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   WanderingPenguin bang

      …for the greater good…

      Dec 24, 2007 at 10:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   WickedLady bang

      I’ve been listening to that song all day! That one and “Grandma got run over by a reindeer”. Happy Christmas everyone. Oh, you already had Christmas, right? Christmas lasts two days here. :D

      Dec 24, 2007 at 6:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Mystic

    Perhaps Santa wants to stuff the dog so he can finally replace that tacky elf hood ornament on his sleigh.

    Dec 23, 2007 at 10:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Zsa bang

    Maybe Santa has been watching THAT dog leave presents on his stoop and it has given him an idea on how to take the fight against “Naughties” to the next level-

    Rover, I’ve brought you here tonight for a very important mission, if you choose to accept it. This year we will not be leaving coal in the stockings of the Very Bad. You task will be to fill each stocking with poo. I’ve been watching you for a while and I think you can produce the quality and quantity needed for this mission. I want you for my sleigh.

    Dec 23, 2007 at 11:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Canthz_B bang

      Is that what that was?

      Dec 24, 2007 at 12:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    Maybe Santa needs something to give the homeless people on Pearl Street. They can take him for a wok! :-)

    Dec 24, 2007 at 12:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      *sheepishly*…”him” meaning the dog, not Santa. :|

      Dec 24, 2007 at 11:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Writerrejected bang

      Yummy….Santa Stir Fry with Mei Fan Noodles!

      Dec 24, 2007 at 3:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Canthz_B bang

      My thought this morning WR, or very close to it! LOL

      Oh, look…an edit button!

      Dec 24, 2007 at 3:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Team Cassandra bang

    No time for notes, no time for notes, no time for notes …AAHG!

    I’m gonna break into that house, steal that smelly Santa and feed him to the homeless on Pearl St. And I’m not even gonna miss him!

    Go ahead – throw some coals at me – I can take it. After this season, I can take anything!

    MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRYY
    CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!

    Dec 24, 2007 at 6:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   WickedLady bang

      But you’re not getting any coal. You get doggy poop. Can you take that too? :D

      Dec 24, 2007 at 6:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   WickedLady bang

    Getting close to coals? According to my treasure map that means I’m almost rich! :D

    Just wondering, how does one beat up a non existing person?

    Dec 25, 2007 at 10:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Writer, Rejected

      Wait?! What?! Santa doesn’t exist?! What are you saying?! (I enjoyed punctuating this note.)

      Dec 25, 2007 at 1:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   A.A guy

    My Mom was kinda loose. We called her a Ho Ho Ho.

    Dec 25, 2007 at 2:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Eilis bang

      ooohh, that’s some bad karma right there. ;)

      Dec 25, 2007 at 3:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      ba-dum-SMASH. Thanks, folks. Try the veal. :)

      Dec 28, 2007 at 12:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   A.A guy

    I don’t think it was refered to as a Karma.

    Dec 25, 2007 at 3:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   park rose bang

      Eilis meant, that’s one bad Mama right there, right? :-)

      Dec 25, 2007 at 8:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   Eilis bang

      LOL! Thanks Rose!

      Dec 25, 2007 at 9:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Jeff

    That *&^%ing Mama was delicious.

    Dec 26, 2007 at 4:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   WickedLady bang

      A little help, please? I’m not sure if Jeff deserves the ‘tard for that one. Plus there’s a waiting list for that unwashed thing right now and I’m a bit reluctant to put him on it…

      Dec 26, 2007 at 6:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Canthz_B bang

      Wear it Jeff. Too slick by half won’t fly here! LOL

      Dec 26, 2007 at 7:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   JPav

    Isn’t it quicker to tell someone they are in danger of being burned by the grill than to take the time to find paper and a marker to write out that they are “close to coals?” I see a real lack of urgency.

    Dec 26, 2007 at 5:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   park rose bang

      But a great use of imagery.

      Dec 26, 2007 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Fighter

    If only one could send coal via email!

    Dec 27, 2007 at 2:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    With the addition of just one dog Santa believes he can win the next Iditarod. Second place no more!

    Dec 28, 2007 at 2:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Katzndogz bang

    Is it just me or does this PA entry make no sense without context?

    Dec 28, 2007 at 10:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Angie

    I want to kick his ass!! please, can I?
    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2321924

    Dec 28, 2007 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Oh look! A whole can of “Bot-B-Gone”! Wonder if it works….?

      Dec 28, 2007 at 12:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   GhostWriter bang

    If I am not mistaken, “I want that dog for my sleigh” is a common barroom mating call heard throughout Alaska, especially during Iditarod week.

    Dec 28, 2007 at 2:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Canthz_B bang

      Also heard just before closing time! :-P

      Dec 28, 2007 at 5:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   super_fan99 bang

    Are we ready for a new note yet or what? I’m all for taking time off for the holidays but come on people, how strenuous is it to post a fucking note?

    I demand satisfaction!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 11:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   GhostWriter bang

    Hold on- is that a detonation wire running down Santa’s beard?!? Just give him the dog; he’s crazy enough to take us all out!

    “You are getting close to coals” ? translation: See you in Hell, my friend!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 11:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed