Office anthropomorphism

December 29th, 2007 · 65 comments

Many offices, it seems, are a regular Disneyland of what only appear to be inanimate objects. The evidence?

From Frank in San Francisco, a sentient sponge:

USE ME RINSE ME + help keep me from getting ICKY! Thank you, Sponge

From Amy in Annapolis, Maryland, a talking toilet:

DID YOU FLUSH ME AND WIPE OFF MY SEAT????

From Ben in San Antonio, Texas, a talking door:

I noticed I am not shut when people enter or exit. Please make sure I am shut upon exiting or entering. -The Door

And then there’s my favorite – from an anonymous submitter in Washington, D.C. – a talking (and walking) microwave:

If You Guys Don't Keep Me Clean I'm walking away from you If you don't Believe TRY M

(Most baffling…where on earth did that clip art come from?)

related: I guess that’s why

FILED UNDER: Annapolis · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · clip art catastrophe · confusion??? · D.C. · irregular capitalization · Maryland · microwave · opening/closing · San Antonio · San Francisco · Texas · toilet


65 responses so far ↓

  • #1   FurryThomas

    These objects are sentient? Could it be voodoo?

    Dec 29, 2007 at 2:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   cvp bang

    Ugh! that sponge already looks icky!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 2:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Wade bang

    So, shutting the door will not only keep vagrants, thieves and local skateboards out, but also keep wayward microwaves in.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 2:55 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   WickedLady bang

      Strange. I thought the microwaves were all burned up and therefore are dead. Dead microwaves don’t walk away.

      Dec 29, 2007 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Crash bang

      A few might have survived the massacure…..or would they be the living dead ?
      I don’t know….
      Anyway….
      8)

      Dec 29, 2007 at 4:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   anglophile bang

      You plug them in to give them electric shock therapy, and they come back to life. In a manner of speaking….

      Dec 29, 2007 at 4:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   WickedLady bang

      If they’re living dead, they’d have no trouble at all walking out that door unnoticed.

      Dec 29, 2007 at 4:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   Crash bang

      massacre…sorry. :)

      Dec 29, 2007 at 4:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   amy d bang

      Dead microwave walking!

      Dec 29, 2007 at 4:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   WickedLady bang

      I see dead microwaves! :|

      Dec 29, 2007 at 4:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   Canthz_B bang

      Lovecraft’s Re-Animator on radiation therapy?

      Dec 29, 2007 at 5:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   WickedLady bang

      Eww, did the sponge give the microwave cancer then?

      Dec 29, 2007 at 5:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   Mystic

      If the microwave can talk and walk out the door, why can’t it clean itself? I’d say it’s laziness on the microwave’s part.

      Dec 29, 2007 at 9:17 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   Wade bang

      well put, Mystic. nothing worse than an indolent appliance, lol.

      Dec 29, 2007 at 9:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.12   Crash bang

      Mystic….I pretty much said that at 3:30 today…. #11…lol 8)
      ( great minds ?)

      Dec 30, 2007 at 12:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Wade bang

    Um, how do you enter or exit through a shut door?

    Dec 29, 2007 at 2:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Canthz_B bang

      I see dead people!

      Dec 29, 2007 at 3:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Crash bang

      I think the door has a fixed window complex.

      Dec 29, 2007 at 3:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   cvp bang

    These radiation waves are made for walking…

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    A true gentleman always rinses after use to keep things from getting “icky”. ;-)

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    I played hide and go seek all wrong. I could flush them but never did I wipe anyone’s seat.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Crash bang

    Damn !!! I knew there wasn’t really a sock monster….They just walked off.

    I was wondering if Toy Story was based on a true story….lol

    8)

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   amy d bang

    Use me. Abuse me. Help me grow microbes. Thanks, Sadomasochistic Sponge

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Crash bang

    That carpet looks radioactive, maybe it’s the life force of the talking door.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Crash bang

    Since the microwave is alive and has limbs of it’s own….Why can’t it just clean itself ?

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Nattie

    how can they use the sponge at all if it’s taped to a note?

    and i have to agree with Wade, entering through a closed door must be painful.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Kelly

    Tonight at 5 – An office microwave that goes by the codename “Mr. Clean” fled the scene after a murderous rampage on several dirty sponges. It is believed it was assisted by John “Dirty Seat” Porta and Alwaysopens McKenzie. Suspect is still on the loose, and is considered to be armed and legged.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Spelling Sponges, Testy Toilets, Demanding Doors and Ambulatory Appliances..oh, my!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Crash bang

    Note #2
    So not only do I have to wipe my ass, but also the toilets ass….I think I’ll go for a talking bush next time, wait….God might have something to say about that….Ummm….

    Dec 29, 2007 at 3:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   anglophile bang

    A nervous microwave

    An angry microwave

    Anthropomorphic microwave clip art for all your emotional needs!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 4:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   anglophile bang

    A communal office sponge is probably in the top five on the Grossest Things You Will Ever Touch List. Whole civilizations are growing in there. Team Paper Towels!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 4:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   WickedLady bang

    My god! Cleaning the microwave with that filthy radioactive sponge was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Not only does it threaten to leave, it has three legs! :|

    Dec 29, 2007 at 4:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   anglophile bang

    Hey, is that Anthony Grosso’s sponge?

    Thank you sponge!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 4:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Douglas Keachie

    A microwave that flushes ? If you rinse your sponges in cloroxy clenser water, and then microwave them on high for one minute, that actually will make them smell a lot nicer. Even if you use them to clean the toilet seat, maybe, but not at our house. It is forbidden. Used food and new food to not get to associate with one another. Don’t forget to close the door, lower the lid, on the way out. spacey today, too much advil makes my brain evil, or at least ill.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 4:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    What the heck? To “Wake Me, Shake Me”, The Four Tops:

    Use me,
    Rinse me,
    I get sticky.
    Come on and wash me,
    Squeeze me,
    Then I won’t get icky.
    When you finish,
    Washing off your dish,
    Come on and cleanse me.
    You know that you’ll see,
    If you take care of me,
    Honey, you’ll keep me happy.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 4:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Robin Claire

    haha! I love these.
    If only my inanimate objects could object to being treated poorly…

    Dec 29, 2007 at 5:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   WickedLady bang

      Do they have reason to, then?

      Dec 29, 2007 at 5:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   park rose bang

      Would you really want them to?

      Dec 29, 2007 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   WickedLady bang

    To the song These Boots:

    Mike the talking (and walking) microwave

    I keep saying you’ve got something to do
    A nice clean bath is all I ask
    But all you do is use me for cookin’
    You want your food, but keep forgetting your task

    These legs are made for walking
    That’s just what they’ll do
    If you don’t clean me soon, I’ll stop with warming food for you

    I believe you bought me for a reason
    Don’t you want me to keep your food warm?
    That dirty sponge turned me into a mutant
    With arms and legs, a voice to talk, I’ll transform

    These legs are made for walking
    That’s just what they’ll do
    If you don’t clean me soon, I’ll stop with warming food for you

    I’m the dirty microwave who won’t take this no more
    What’s all this neglecting for?
    I’ll pack my bags, its time for me to run

    Step aside
    I’m gonna go outside
    Where my legs at?
    Should’ve cleaned me, brat

    These legs are made for walking
    That’s just what they’ll do
    If you don’t clean me soon, I’ll stop with warming food for you

    Dec 29, 2007 at 5:46 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Wade bang

    With thanks to Garbage – I Think I’m Paranoid

    I Think I’m So Annoyed

    You don’t wipe and you don’t flush
    I don’t think I like you much
    Heaven knows what is on that seat
    Heaven knows why things can’t stay neat

    I think I’m so annoyed anthropomorphic
    I think I’m so annoyed, it makes me feel sick

    Use me rinse me
    I’m your sponge you need me
    All I want from you
    Use me rinse me
    Don’t let me get icky
    And I will thank you

    I stay shut just to give me a thrill
    Prop me open I will be ill
    If you exit, or if you enter
    Shut me tight ‘cause it’s freaking winter

    I think I’m so annoyed, it makes me feel sick
    I think I’m so annoyed, anthropomorphic

    Use me rinse me
    I’m your sponge you need me
    All I want from you
    Use me rinse me
    Don’t let me get icky
    And I will thank you

    I think I’m so annoyed
    I think I’m so annoyed

    Use me rinse me
    I’m your sponge you need me
    All I want from you
    Use me rinse me
    Don’t let me get icky
    And I will thank you

    Stain me, strain me, anyway you pain me
    Burn me, flame me, you can never change me
    Love me, lock me, come ahead and try me
    Please me, clean me, or just watch me leave ye

    Use me rinse me
    I’m your sponge you need me
    As long as you wash me baby it’s alright
    Use me rinse me
    I’m your sponge you need me
    As long as you wash me baby it’s alright

    Dec 29, 2007 at 7:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Wonderful. I can hear ol’ Shirl singing this herself!

      Dec 30, 2007 at 3:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    Schwing! :-)

    Dec 29, 2007 at 7:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Jay

    I love how the second one gives off completely the wrong vibe. Did you? Did you touch me? NOTHING GIVES YOU THAT RIGHT!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 7:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Writerrejected bang

    Microwave, sponge, and toilet seat, clean thyself.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 10:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Wade bang

    So, if we chase the microwave into the bathroom, toss it the sponge and shut the door, all problems solved.

    Dec 29, 2007 at 10:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Crash bang

      Pretty much, but that microwave is going to get the sponge itself, damnit !!

      Dec 30, 2007 at 12:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   WastedDaze

    Walking and talking? Looks like it didn’t take until 2011 to get that microwave after all:

    http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/07/19/to-each-his-own-microwave/#comments

    Dec 29, 2007 at 10:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Detective Julie

    Use me, scrub me, any way you want me, long as you rinse me, it’s alright!

    Dec 29, 2007 at 11:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Patty O. Furniture

    I think the question is, did the clip art inspire the missive, or did the missive inspire the clip art?

    Dec 29, 2007 at 11:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Canthz_B bang

    When one door closes, isn’t another supposed to open? It’s a catch-22!

    Dec 30, 2007 at 1:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Canthz_B bang

    That kinky microwave just wants a sponge bath.

    Dec 30, 2007 at 1:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Canthz_B bang

    How hard do you have to wipe to take the seat clean off a toilet?

    Dec 30, 2007 at 1:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   WickedLady bang

      I did that once… Although it wasn’t clean and it was half loose anyway, but still.

      Dec 30, 2007 at 5:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Wade bang

    to answer the question “Where on earth did that (walking microwave) clip art come from?”

    why, our old friends at Microsoft Online Clip Art Gallery. It is one of a series of anthropomorphic objects (traffic cones, movie tickets, etc) known collectively as Style 1257.

    The more you know…. :)

    Dec 30, 2007 at 8:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   WickedLady bang

      Does that make Microsoft the new Disney?

      Dec 30, 2007 at 8:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   GVI bang

      Haha, I love the one of the pirate holding a gun to the microwave.

      Dec 30, 2007 at 9:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   Wade bang

      Style 1257

      Dec 30, 2007 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.4   SHARKFAN bang

      Now why is that pirate holding a gun to the microwave? That’s an odd piece of clipart.

      Thanks for the link, Wade.
      Team Style 1257!

      Jan 2, 2008 at 11:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Writerrejected bang

    Someone should invent a self-cleaning microwave. You just press a button.

    Dec 30, 2007 at 10:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Canthz_B bang

    Rinse the sponge
    before you go-go.
    Flush and wipe
    after you go-go.
    Ajar doors here
    are a no-no.
    Keep the microwave
    white as snow-snow.

    Dec 30, 2007 at 2:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Erica C

    I understand that sponges get gross and that one can help that somewhat by rinsing it, but there’s a certain point at which the office just needs to invest $.35 in a new frigging sponge. Yes, this may be as often as once or twice a week.

    Jan 1, 2008 at 8:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Karsoe

    Best to appease the appliances, keep them happy. Did we learn nothing from The Matrix, or the Terminator films?

    Nov 6, 2008 at 3:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   If you thought you microwave was dirty… | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Microwave on the run! [...]

    Aug 25, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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