Margarita spotted this note in the window of a laundromat in San Francisco. Honestly, she says, “I’m more afraid of a vindictive, threatening neighbor than a laundry ‘theif.’”
![LAUNDRY THEIF [sic]](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2299/1848275645_e04f3c6293_o.jpg "LAUNDRY THEIF [sic]")
related: No, that’s not the British spelling
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FILED UNDER: laundry · neighbors · san francisco · spelling and grammar police · stealing · warning
— Canthz_B
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed etiquette ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies garbage group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jesus kids kitchen london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san francisco sarcasm seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley spelling and grammar police stealing texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting TLDR toilet touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" unsolicited feedback virginia visual aids whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
126 responses so far ↓
#1
raiseyourglass
First !
How many white puma jackets can one person have anyway?
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:22 pm rating: +6
#2
Grimfool
“Superman”-style shaded block letters but can’t spell thief . . . Lame! Knowing where she lives, but opting for public display instead of personal confrontation . . . Lame! Team Beware!
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:30 pm rating: +1
#3
park rose
Be scared. Be vewy, vewy scared.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:31 pm rating: +2
#4
park rose
Beware your neighbor! Right on!
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: 0
#5
fantasy
Maybe now she has learned her lesson and will sit in the laundry room and watch her clothes! While she has nothing else to do she can open a fancy sign shop as a part time business,for all the unfortunate people who live in her crappy nieghborhood.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: +5
#6
raiseyourglass
female, brunette, mid 30’s….
crud that’s me!
What is a “THE IF” anyway?
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: +3
#7
fantasy
She could also beg for spare change while watching her clothes and buy a washer and dryer. Also get new Puma jacket!
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +1
#8
fantasy
After she learns how to spell… I before E !
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: +1
#9
park rose
Ornithologists world wide are on the look out for the rare White Puma Jacket Wearing Laundry Thief Raptor after a tip-off from Disgruntled Neighb in downtown San Fransico.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: +1
#10
Canthz_B
Should be easy to find a 30 year-old lame brunette woman wearing a white Puma jacket and panties.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm rating: +14
#11
Team Cassandra
Try as I might I just can’t figure out who, exactly, should be watching their back … the patrons, the ‘theif’, me?!? … because, honestly, that ‘victim’ seems like the kind of wacko I do not want to be running into at the laundromat.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm rating: +3
#12
WanderingPenguin
It’s very, very disappointing that years of Schoolhouse Rocks later this woman has learned how to use their special shaded letter font… but not how to actually spell. The shame of it all!
“I know a lady who lives on Mission Street… she sneaks around stealing jackets and ladies’ undies…. ”
That’s all I got. So far.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:46 pm rating: +1
#13
Canthz_B
Is it me, or are there two or three contributors to this sign?
The “& VICTIM” and “I know where she lives” seem different than the main sign.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:50 pm rating: +1
#14
durian
What if the notewriter is a male, ala the movie “Dressed to Kill”? Then the warning becomes even more pertinent, and the last part is code for:
Beware your neighbor: 1 victim disposed of already…
I think credit should be given for using the correct form of ‘prey’, though.
Jan 3, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: +1
#15
fantasy
If you are going to San Francisco, be sure to snare some undies while you are there.
If you are going to San Francisco,
Get some towels to clean up while you are there
If you are going to San Francisco, be sure and get a nice jacket while you are there
yes,there is a chill in the air
If you are going to San Francisco, be sure and watch your back while you are there….
Jan 3, 2008 at 11:01 pm rating: +9
#16
fantasy
Well, I butchered the hell out of that song!!!!
Jan 3, 2008 at 11:08 pm rating: 0
#17
Canthz_B
Dryersocky
Just washing and my six machines
Did spin and wobble after the rinse:
All aged now my brand new jeans
Each machine a buck fifty cents.
“Beware the laundry thief, my son!
For your sister’s panties fight
the hands that snatch!
Beware the dryer thief, and run
Your new towels to catch!”
He took his dryer sheets in hand:
Walking the streets Puma jacket sought–
He tired after hour three,
“I’ll post a sign”, he thought.
And, as he posted his warning sign,
The Laundry thief, high as a kite,
Came strutting through the neighborhood,
It whistled in the night!
Bang, bang! Bang, bang! And one good Boom
With his Tech Nine he did attack!
He left it dead, and now he fled
Before the police could react!
“Did you kill the Laundry Thief?
Get in this house you foolish boy!
Oh what a day! Right here you’ll stay!”
Gun painted now like toy.
Just washing and my six machines
Did spin and wobble after the rinse:
All aged now my brand new jeans
Each machine a buck fifty cents.
Jan 4, 2008 at 12:12 am rating: +10
#18
Dan
I love the notes with “I know where she lives!” or similar written on them. They make me wish (almost) that I had passive-aggressive stickers pre-printed explaining that such a declaration is an almost-universal sign that the author does not, in fact, possess even the slightest sliver of information about the perpetrator. Except that I’m really not that passive-aggressive or anal retentive.
Jan 4, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: +1
#19
Set To Evil
That White Puma Jacket was fucking delicious!
Jan 4, 2008 at 2:42 am rating: 0
#20
durian
The block title of this note makes it appear that LAUNDRY THEIF is some kind character to be auditioned for, or maybe the perfect flatmate someone is searching for (?!)
LAUNDRY THEIF must be mid-30s, female and brunette. The character outline is stated below, and the title of the piece is either Beware Your Neighborhood Victim, or I Know Where She Lives.
All interested parties, apply within.
Jan 4, 2008 at 2:57 am rating: +2
#21
Ralphy
OH FIENDISH GOUL!!! The perp has run out of ladies underwear and white puma jackets in the laundry room and has invaded the victim’s house and stolen her “word check”. Now that’s lame!!
Jan 4, 2008 at 4:35 am rating: +1
#22
durian
Feindish ghoul? Heh-heh, just kiddin’
Jan 4, 2008 at 4:49 am rating: 0
#23
Numinous
See, this is why the laundromat I have is ALWAYS attended. Our customers can feel safe running their errands because it takes a lot of balls to steal someone clothes right in front of ME.
On a side note, I think they posted this rather than confront the offender (presuming they really do know the culprit) because they were aiming for public embarrassment. Of course, it would be more embarrassing if they actually posted the culprit’s name.
Jan 4, 2008 at 7:47 am rating: +1
#24
TygerAKC
Maybe the “THEIF” was doing this person a favor-The white Puma jacket might have been lame and the undies were holey?
Team Fashion Police
Jan 4, 2008 at 8:19 am rating: +1
#25
amy d
Hmm…is it a coincidence that the word prey was used? A puma is a predator. One defintion of Prey is to make raids or attacks for booty or plunder .
So, said thief stole the jacket to get in character, as it were, and then stole the undies and towels as “booty”, tee hee. Sadly, the booty was no longer in the panties and everyone knows the towels were used to wipe between people’s legs. That’s just nasty!
Jan 4, 2008 at 9:36 am rating: +6
#26
GhostWriter
It might be a casting call (#20), but to me it reads more like an ad from CraigsList “casual encounters”…
Laundry Thief Wants to be Accosted -
I will sneak into your home and put on your dirty laundry (e.g., white Puma jackets and underwear.) Then you try to catch me!
PS: I’m lame
PPS: Don’t listen to your neighbor; she’s trying to play the victim.
Jan 4, 2008 at 10:13 am rating: +3
#27
park rose
LOL GhostWriter – that’s great. Talk about taking a ball and running with it.
Jan 4, 2008 at 10:31 am rating: 0
#28
Wade
It occurs to me that the “theif” did them a favor.
A lamé jacket should be dry-cleaned.
And lamé underwear and towels? That’s just wrong.
Jan 4, 2008 at 10:34 am rating: +9
#29
Kelly
Maybe she just had ugly clothes and the “theif” was trying to help out.
Jan 4, 2008 at 10:38 am rating: 0
#30
mere
the sign writer/ note leaver would be waaay more threatening if he was wearing his white puma jacket. i’m sure all of his superpowers are contained within the jacket. yes i’m guessing it’s a ‘he’.
how he got ladies underwear is still a mystery tho’. must have been the super powerful jacket…..
or static cling.
Jan 4, 2008 at 11:36 am rating: +1
#31
Space Monkey
Why anyone would steal somebody’s drawers is beyond me.
Stores don’t even let you return merchandise like that once you’ve bought it. Bathing suits, bikinis, briefs, nothing. Why would you want something that has been worn?
…..unless you’re not gonna wear them and need them to make like an “I Surrender” flag out of them or something. I guess it’d be okay then.
Jan 4, 2008 at 11:57 am rating: +2
#32
WanderingPenguin
Would anyone care for another run at this? Not that I am about to wait for an answer.
With apologies to CB, Lewis Carroll, “Lewis Carroll’s Ghost” and the fans of the current Miami Dolphins squad – but only because their team sucks so badly it’s painful to watch.
Dryersocky Revisited
Was chillin’ and the slimy duds
Did spin and tumble in the wash;
All fluffy were the soapy suds
As I left for some nosh.
“Beware the Laundry ‘Theif’ “, I read,
“The jacket white she loves to snatch!
Mid-30s gal, brown hair on head,
I know just where she lives, natch!”
I took my foot-long dog in hand
Long time the yummy food I ate–
And when ’twas done it was barely one:
I had some time to wait.
While on the storefront I did lean
The “Theif”, arms full of socks and towels,
Came bursting from the ol’ “Kwik Kleen”,
And passed right by my scowl!
“Hey, stop! Hey, stop! Or you I’ll drop!”
The hapless crook heard this and froze!
She turned in place, put hands to face
And dropped all of the clothes.
“O I have caught the Laundry ‘Theif’!
Come see, for it’s a glorious day!”
No more on unattended bras
Or panties will she prey!”
Was chillin’ and the slimy duds
Did spin and tumble in the wash;
All fluffy were the soapy suds
As I left for some nosh.
Wow, I feel kinda like “B-Rabbit” now.
Jan 4, 2008 at 11:59 am rating: +7
#33
fantasy
Just hope “TheIf” is not smarter than you think, because after “trifling” through your clothes she knows you better than you can spell, so be afraid, be very afraid. She could be watching your back to see if it has been wearing anything else she might like. “Man, that sweater she be wearing is sooo fine”
Jan 4, 2008 at 2:58 pm rating: +4
#34
Nekomimi
Lol.. this person seems a bit deranged to me… “I know where she lives”? Then confront the thief, damn it!
Jan 4, 2008 at 4:13 pm rating: +1
#35
Nekomimi
PS: WP, you know who I am… Remember our hot premier?
Jan 4, 2008 at 4:14 pm rating: +1
#36
amy d
Hot premier, what? Oh, how you tease us.
Jan 4, 2008 at 4:40 pm rating: 0
#37
Ariadne
I was once accosted by some young mormon guys in my laundromat. They were laundering a single dress shirt in a washer. They were nice enough, but I firmly told them that I wasn’t interested in talking to them about God, and wished them well. I also told one of them that I wouldn’t forget his name, in any case. “Why?” he asked. “Because,” I replied, looking at his metallic name tag – “I never met anyone named ‘Elder’ before.” After he explained that this was his designation and not his first name, with extreme embarrassment I fled the laundromat. In my haste I left an entire load of whites in the dryer. When I returned later, the clothes were nowhere to be found. I don’t know if the mormons were the ‘laundry theifs’ or not.
Jan 4, 2008 at 4:57 pm rating: +5
#38
bellabeastie
LCG — thanks for not being ee cummings, (because there can be but one) I think I may have a degree from Oxford or somewhere due to the viewing your astute replies to this post . Very educational. Thank you. However, you have never addressed the misspellings in the note in question. My question to you is: how would you word the initial note to get the best response from the unwashed reader?
AND politely request a timely return of the white puma jacket? (forget the “other stuff” because who would want it back — really….)
Team Keep The Undies If You Really Need Them
Jan 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: +1
#39
bellabeastie
P.S. .. My personal response– “Keep that shit and gimme back my puma muthafucka”…THEIF !!! ”
Not exactly ee cumings, but you have to know who you are dealing with. As it were.
Jan 4, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: +1
#40
fantasy
Oh My!!!!! I can see The if by looking at reflection in the window! I do think she has come back to strike again!!! She is trying to see if anyone in there has matching pants to jacket!!! Or just if anyone in this crappy nieghborhood has any style at all! Yep, she’s casing the joint.
Jan 5, 2008 at 12:14 am rating: +1
#41
raiseyourglass
enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJxma8_RoMQ
Jan 5, 2008 at 1:39 am rating: +1
#42
Canthz_B
If the reflection wrote this note then no wonder the spelling is off. That looks like a Bigfoot!!
Jan 5, 2008 at 10:03 am rating: +1
#43
morpho aurora
isn’t puma a synonym for cougar?
Jan 5, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: +1
#44
fantasy
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
Don’t you steal mine
Don’t you steal mine
Don’t you steal my puma
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
Don’t you feel lame
Don’t uou feel lame
For stealing from your neighbor
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
Don’t you feel lame
Don’t you feel lame
For stealing your neighbors’ panties
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
If you try to be my neighbor
If you try to be my neighbor
You won’t be mine
You won’t be mine
I’ll have to kill my NEIGHBOR!!!!!
Thank You,
Mister Rogers
Jan 5, 2008 at 4:27 pm rating: +3
#45
fantasy
Mister Rogers,
What a lame sweater you are wearing! *snicker,snicker*
Jan 5, 2008 at 4:49 pm rating: +2
#46 i before e except after c ftw
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Jan 10, 2008 at 9:20 pm rating: 0
#47 southern california: it’s hard out here for a goth
[...] related: i know where she lives [...]
Feb 24, 2009 at 2:57 pm rating: 0
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