I know where she lives

January 3rd, 2008 · 126 comments

Margarita spotted this note in the window of a laundromat in San Francisco. Honestly, she says, “I’m more afraid of a vindictive, threatening neighbor than a laundry ‘theif.’”

LAUNDRY THEIF [sic]

related: No, that’s not the British spelling

FILED UNDER: laundry · neighbors · San Francisco · spelling and grammar police · stealing · warning


126 responses so far ↓

  • #1   raiseyourglass

    First !
    How many white puma jackets can one person have anyway?

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:22 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Mishee bang

      Puma sucks, maybe the theif was just trying to save this person from the shame of wearing it.

      It’s all about My adidas (NEVER capitalize the “A”)!!

      Jan 5, 2008 at 11:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Grimfool

    “Superman”-style shaded block letters but can’t spell thief . . . Lame! Knowing where she lives, but opting for public display instead of personal confrontation . . . Lame! Team Beware!

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   park rose bang

    Be scared. Be vewy, vewy scared.

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   park rose bang

    Beware your neighbor! Right on!

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   fantasy bang

    Maybe now she has learned her lesson and will sit in the laundry room and watch her clothes! While she has nothing else to do she can open a fancy sign shop as a part time business,for all the unfortunate people who live in her crappy nieghborhood.

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   anglophile bang

      She’ll be a success just as long as the unfortunate people who live in her crappy neighborhood don’t mind misspelled signs.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   raiseyourglass

    female, brunette, mid 30′s….
    crud that’s me!
    What is a “THE IF” anyway?

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   GhostWriter bang

      As long as nobody adds posts to the first five comments, your note (above) appears right next to at-shirt-clad pic (…of you?)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   raiseyourglass

      HA! Too funny! I hadn’t noticed that!

      Jan 5, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   fantasy bang

    She could also beg for spare change while watching her clothes and buy a washer and dryer. Also get new Puma jacket! :D

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   fantasy bang

    After she learns how to spell… I before E !

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   park rose bang

    Ornithologists world wide are on the look out for the rare White Puma Jacket Wearing Laundry Thief Raptor after a tip-off from Disgruntled Neighb in downtown San Fransico.

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Should be easy to find a 30 year-old lame brunette woman wearing a white Puma jacket and panties.

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, wait…this is San Francisco. There could be thousands of them on the streets at any given time. :-)

      Jan 3, 2008 at 10:56 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Ralphy

      Not so, fair lady-it’s a well known city ordince that white puma jackets are forbidden-they must be pink or purple. HeHeHe. Yeah, you heard it right.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Canthz_B bang

      Could the “Theif” be Karl Maulden or Michael Douglas? They spent years in “The Streets Of San Francisco”.
      They were bound to pick up some bad habits! ;-)

      Jan 5, 2008 at 3:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Canthz_B bang

      “The Streets Of San Francisco”

      One of the greatest cop shows evarrr!

      Jan 5, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Team Cassandra bang

    Try as I might I just can’t figure out who, exactly, should be watching their back … the patrons, the ‘theif’, me?!? … because, honestly, that ‘victim’ seems like the kind of wacko I do not want to be running into at the laundromat.

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   WanderingPenguin bang

    It’s very, very disappointing that years of Schoolhouse Rocks later this woman has learned how to use their special shaded letter font… but not how to actually spell. The shame of it all!

    “I know a lady who lives on Mission Street… she sneaks around stealing jackets and ladies’ undies…. ”

    That’s all I got. So far. ;)

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Are you seriously going to tell me that nobody here remembers Schoolhouse Rocks? :( How sad!

      Jan 5, 2008 at 3:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Canthz_B bang

      Schoolhouse Rock

      I loved them, WP.
      The site has lyrics too! I need to go to the fitting room! :-D

      Jan 5, 2008 at 3:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   WanderingPenguin bang

      As long as you don’t go in the fitting room. ‘Cause that’s a whole ‘nother thread. ;)

      Jan 5, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   SHARKFAN bang

      I LOVE Schoolhouse Rock!

      Jan 7, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    Is it me, or are there two or three contributors to this sign?

    The “& VICTIM” and “I know where she lives” seem different than the main sign.

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Wade bang

      you may be on to something, C-B

      Maybe Rene Hall followed Anthony Grosso to San Francisco and is stealing his puma jackets, along with Terry’s underwear and towels.

      Jan 3, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   amy d bang

      I believe Cantz B kows too much. I found this on the web: PUMA TERRY JACKET @ Thanks Terry!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   the sos

      I was thinking that too. It’s almost as if a second victim has stepped forward, offering a tip. A useless tip, but a tip nonetheless.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Bebo

      Great call on the multiple sources!

      And look, haven’t we all borrowed women’s underwear from the laundromat?

      No?? Yeah me neither. I was just saying…cause a friend…and…DON’T JUDGE ME!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   durian

    What if the notewriter is a male, ala the movie “Dressed to Kill”? Then the warning becomes even more pertinent, and the last part is code for:
    Beware your neighbor: 1 victim disposed of already…

    I think credit should be given for using the correct form of ‘prey’, though.

    Jan 3, 2008 at 10:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   fantasy bang

    If you are going to San Francisco, be sure to snare some undies while you are there.
    If you are going to San Francisco,
    Get some towels to clean up while you are there
    If you are going to San Francisco, be sure and get a nice jacket while you are there
    yes,there is a chill in the air
    If you are going to San Francisco, be sure and watch your back while you are there….

    Jan 3, 2008 at 11:01 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   park rose bang

      LOL, fantasy! Nice one.

      Jan 3, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   fantasy bang

    Well, I butchered the hell out of that song!!!!

    Jan 3, 2008 at 11:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Dryersocky

    Just washing and my six machines
    Did spin and wobble after the rinse:
    All aged now my brand new jeans
    Each machine a buck fifty cents.

    “Beware the laundry thief, my son!
    For your sister’s panties fight
    the hands that snatch!
    Beware the dryer thief, and run
    Your new towels to catch!”

    He took his dryer sheets in hand:
    Walking the streets Puma jacket sought–
    He tired after hour three,
    “I’ll post a sign”, he thought.

    And, as he posted his warning sign,
    The Laundry thief, high as a kite,
    Came strutting through the neighborhood,
    It whistled in the night!

    Bang, bang! Bang, bang! And one good Boom
    With his Tech Nine he did attack!
    He left it dead, and now he fled
    Before the police could react!

    “Did you kill the Laundry Thief?
    Get in this house you foolish boy!
    Oh what a day! Right here you’ll stay!”
    Gun painted now like toy.

    Just washing and my six machines
    Did spin and wobble after the rinse:
    All aged now my brand new jeans
    Each machine a buck fifty cents.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 12:12 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Lewis Carroll's Ghost

      Man, that was brutal. The meter was messed up something fierce. The line about the sister’s panties had three extra syllables all by itself and was impossible to read. Not to mention that you called it “Dryersocky” and there were no socks in the goddam “poem”. (Maybe those socks were fucking delicious?) You should probably stick to the song parodies or, better yet, let those who do them properly handle the job.

      Next!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Wade bang

      “Just the place for a Snark!” the Bellman cried,
      As he landed his crew with care;
      Supporting each man on the top of the tide
      By a finger entwined in his hair.

      “Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice:
      That alone should encourage the crew.
      Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice:
      What i tell you three times is true.”

      :P

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:46 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Lewis Carroll's Ghost

      Whereas that was wonderful. Mind you, that might be because it needed no changing of words. ;)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   dan

      forget the nasty critics.

      who loves critics?

      no one.

      besides, carroll can’t spell “goddamn” anyway!

      very clever. keep up the entertaining work!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   Lewis Carroll's Ghost

      My goodness. Another “sheep” heard from. By the way, “God damn” is actually two words. “Goddam” is more poetic – as in “Mississippi Goddam” (Nina Simone). But then, I guess poetic phrases are lost on you if you think the above parody is “clever”. However, if you’re going to correct someone – and it’s kind of funny being a critic in a note lambasting critics – then you should at least correct them properly. My point stands as made: that “poem” was brutal. There have been many, many parodies on here that were brilliant. Or perhaps even “brillig”. But that one, sadly, was not. For one thing, he didn’t even remember to spell “theif” incorrectly. Tsk tsk tsk. I am now spinning like a lathe in my sarcophagus. Off to haunt another’s soul. Cheerio!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   rabble rouser

      you’re the sheep hearder, Goddam! Geddit? ;-)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 10:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   Canthz_B bang

      Can’t we all just get along? I have no problem with critics. One man’s meat is another man’s poison, to each his own…and all that! ;-)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.8   GhostWriter bang

      Point of order; whenever another ghost writes commentary, I am supposed to hear about it first! Union rules.

      Secondly, I am on “Team Dryersocky” so bad that I am going to make it the name of my CounterStrike server.

      …and finally, what did the Saki connoisseur demand at Ace Wasabi’s?

      YOU GUESSED IT !

      Jan 4, 2008 at 11:49 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.9   Canthz_B bang

      LOL, Do you get notified twice if WriterRejected’s Ghost comments? :-D

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.10   Space Monkey bang

      I just had a revelation by Jesus himself.
      Like to heah it? Heah it go:
      Poems:
      1) Don’t have to rhyme
      2) Don’t have to make sense
      3) the title doesn’t have to have anything to do with the content and;
      4) Jesus liked ‘Dryersocky’

      GhostWriter your posts make my day.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.11   dan

      baaaa

      i just don’t understand why ghosts need to be pricks to people who give a decent effort to entertain. it may be lousy, but who cares? i mean, hell, we can’t all be late nineteenth century pedophile effetes, sipping our filfar and extolling the virtues of laudanum, right?

      long story short, while your prose is a veritable bouquet of whimsey mr. carroll’s ghost, your manners leave something to be desired.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:35 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.12   Lewis Carroll's Ghost

      Ah, but that was not a poem, Space Monkey, it was a parody. The “rules” are a bit different. Even though the original poem made no sense whatsoever – or, as you like to call it, Revelation #2 – the parody of that poem should share a meter or a thought process. This shared neither and was not very good. The effort was wonderful; the outcome was not. In other words, “The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.” Had this been a thoroughly original poem there would have been no need for this conversation, as I would have remained tucked safely in my grave. Also, while #1 and #2 belonged on that list as formed, you went a bit off the track grammatically with points 3 and 4.

      And I must quibble with Revelation #4. As a ghost, I know Jesus personally and when He read this parody…. Jesus wept. And not for joy.

      The other souls were no fun to torment, so I returned. You people are much more interesting! I, too, enjoyed GhostWriter’s post immensely.

      Well, most of you are more interesting. “dan” is just a snarly bit of fluff. The effort was decent, dan, but the outcome was not. I just call ‘em as I sees ‘em. At least I don’t write like e.e. cummings.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.13   dan

      well played

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.14   Lewis Carroll's Ghost

      et tu, dan, et tu. :) I particularly liked the “filfar” reference.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.15   Space Monkey bang

      Dan I am a late nineteenth century pedophile effete, who sips filfar and extolls the virtues of laudanum. Thankyouverymuch.

      I lost the will and gave up the fight on 3 and 4 and anyway I think C_B’s moldy green status says more than I ever could.

      And Louie, it was one revelation with four points. Jesus told me so. He also called it a poem. Three times. 3 denotes emphasis. Jesus trumps you.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.16   dan

      for the record, i was referring to mr. carroll as the “late nineteenth century pedophile effete, who sips filfar and extolls the virtues of laudanum.” and who can blame him?

      i, personally, think space monkeys are quite wonderful. if it weren’t for alberts 1-4, mike and patricia, gordo, baker, able, and more, we might not even have a space program! salutations brave cousin! huzzah!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.17   Space Monkey bang

      FTR- i know, and;

      I graciously accept your praise. *genuflect*

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.18   Team Cassandra bang

      HA! But you spelled ‘theif’ wrong.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 5:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Dan

    I love the notes with “I know where she lives!” or similar written on them. They make me wish (almost) that I had passive-aggressive stickers pre-printed explaining that such a declaration is an almost-universal sign that the author does not, in fact, possess even the slightest sliver of information about the perpetrator. Except that I’m really not that passive-aggressive or anal retentive.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   anglophile bang

      Oh, come on, Dan, I’m sure you could be if you try. Please? Just for us? ;)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Set To Evil bang

    That White Puma Jacket was fucking delicious!

    Jan 4, 2008 at 2:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   WickedLady bang

      I’m starting to get the feeling it has almost become like a job for me, but once again I shall hand out the unitard. Wear it, Set To Evil!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 6:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Lizzie

      …And now you must don the the white Puma unitard.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 6:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   WickedLady bang

      Well, that’s better than that unwashed thing we’ve been passing around.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 8:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   ro-nonymous

      my sentiments exactly.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   rabble rouser

      there’s a fucking delicious revolution underway!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 10:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   WickedLady bang

      And you get to wear the not so clean white Puma unitard, rabble rouser.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Davey

      I wear it with pride!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 6:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   durian

    The block title of this note makes it appear that LAUNDRY THEIF is some kind character to be auditioned for, or maybe the perfect flatmate someone is searching for (?!)

    LAUNDRY THEIF must be mid-30s, female and brunette. The character outline is stated below, and the title of the piece is either Beware Your Neighborhood Victim, or I Know Where She Lives.

    All interested parties, apply within.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 2:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   durian

      some kind *of* character.

      my bad. :-(

      Jan 4, 2008 at 6:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Ralphy

    OH FIENDISH GOUL!!! The perp has run out of ladies underwear and white puma jackets in the laundry room and has invaded the victim’s house and stolen her “word check”. Now that’s lame!!

    Jan 4, 2008 at 4:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   durian

    Feindish ghoul? Heh-heh, just kiddin’

    Jan 4, 2008 at 4:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Numinous bang

    See, this is why the laundromat I have is ALWAYS attended. Our customers can feel safe running their errands because it takes a lot of balls to steal someone clothes right in front of ME.

    On a side note, I think they posted this rather than confront the offender (presuming they really do know the culprit) because they were aiming for public embarrassment. Of course, it would be more embarrassing if they actually posted the culprit’s name.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 7:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   TygerAKC bang

    Maybe the “THEIF” was doing this person a favor-The white Puma jacket might have been lame and the undies were holey?
    Team Fashion Police

    Jan 4, 2008 at 8:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   amy d bang

    Hmm…is it a coincidence that the word prey was used? A puma is a predator. One defintion of Prey is to make raids or attacks for booty or plunder .

    So, said thief stole the jacket to get in character, as it were, and then stole the undies and towels as “booty”, tee hee. Sadly, the booty was no longer in the panties and everyone knows the towels were used to wipe between people’s legs. That’s just nasty!

    Jan 4, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   GhostWriter bang

    It might be a casting call (#20), but to me it reads more like an ad from CraigsList “casual encounters”…

    Laundry Thief Wants to be Accosted -
    I will sneak into your home and put on your dirty laundry (e.g., white Puma jackets and underwear.) Then you try to catch me!

    PS: I’m lame

    PPS: Don’t listen to your neighbor; she’s trying to play the victim.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   park rose bang

    LOL GhostWriter – that’s great. Talk about taking a ball and running with it.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 10:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Wade bang

    It occurs to me that the “theif” did them a favor.

    A lamé jacket should be dry-cleaned.

    And lamé underwear and towels? That’s just wrong.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 10:34 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   amy d bang

      lame’, to my dismay.
      please hold it at bay.
      I find it yuck-ay.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      Damn – I was hoping for a haiku there. :| How disappointing! :(

      ;)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   amy d bang

      Dedicated to WP ;)

      Lame’! Oh, dismay.
      I say, please hold it at bay.
      I find it yuck-ay.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   anglophile bang

      amy, I’m thinking of tossing my cookies again and again just so I can vote a million times for your haiku-ification of your poem! :D :D :D

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   WanderingPenguin bang

      W00t! Now there’s service for ya! Amy, you rock! :D

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.6   amy d bang

      Much love to the 2 of you, as well. :D

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Kelly

    Maybe she just had ugly clothes and the “theif” was trying to help out.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   mere bang

    the sign writer/ note leaver would be waaay more threatening if he was wearing his white puma jacket. i’m sure all of his superpowers are contained within the jacket. yes i’m guessing it’s a ‘he’.
    how he got ladies underwear is still a mystery tho’. must have been the super powerful jacket…..
    or static cling.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 11:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Space Monkey bang

    Why anyone would steal somebody’s drawers is beyond me.

    Stores don’t even let you return merchandise like that once you’ve bought it. Bathing suits, bikinis, briefs, nothing. Why would you want something that has been worn?

    …..unless you’re not gonna wear them and need them to make like an “I Surrender” flag out of them or something. I guess it’d be okay then.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 11:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      I guess it’s cheaper than washing your own? But I like your idea of the flag. That was pretty damned funny! :D

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Space Monkey bang

      That or she could go in the complete opposite direction, make a bandanna or skullcap out of them squirrel covers and in complete and utter defiance brazenly wear them to the laundromat and let out a rebel yell.

      Oh wait. San Francisco…..mariachi yell.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   WanderingPenguin bang

    Would anyone care for another run at this? Not that I am about to wait for an answer. :P

    With apologies to CB, Lewis Carroll, “Lewis Carroll’s Ghost” and the fans of the current Miami Dolphins squad – but only because their team sucks so badly it’s painful to watch. :D

    Dryersocky Revisited

    Was chillin’ and the slimy duds
    Did spin and tumble in the wash;
    All fluffy were the soapy suds
    As I left for some nosh.

    “Beware the Laundry ‘Theif’ “, I read,
    “The jacket white she loves to snatch!
    Mid-30s gal, brown hair on head,
    I know just where she lives, natch!”

    I took my foot-long dog in hand
    Long time the yummy food I ate–
    And when ’twas done it was barely one:
    I had some time to wait.

    While on the storefront I did lean
    The “Theif”, arms full of socks and towels,
    Came bursting from the ol’ “Kwik Kleen”,
    And passed right by my scowl!

    “Hey, stop! Hey, stop! Or you I’ll drop!”
    The hapless crook heard this and froze!
    She turned in place, put hands to face
    And dropped all of the clothes.

    “O I have caught the Laundry ‘Theif’!
    Come see, for it’s a glorious day!”
    No more on unattended bras
    Or panties will she prey!”

    Was chillin’ and the slimy duds
    Did spin and tumble in the wash;
    All fluffy were the soapy suds
    As I left for some nosh.

    Wow, I feel kinda like “B-Rabbit” now. :|

    Jan 4, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   anglophile bang

      The tension mounts as all await Lewis Carroll’s Ghost’s opinion.

      Having seen one PANista taken down for the count, I am surprised you would risk yourself to exposure to the critic’s tongue-lashing! Brave, brave Penguin!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      On the contrary, I say “Bring it on, O Garrulous Ghost!” Although the the ghoulish one did mention something about going away to haunt other people or some such so we may never find out if this offering pleases him, alas. :)

      And before anyone says, “or her“, let me remind you that this is Lewis Carroll’s Ghost we are talking about, not Oscar Wilde’s. ;)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 12:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Lewis Carroll's Ghost

      Now that’s what I’m talking about. Finally may I rest in peace. O frabjous day! Etc. Too-rah, all!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   WanderingPenguin bang

      Wow. That was disappointing. :|

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   Space Monkey bang

      All Louie needed was a little sugar in his bowl.
      ;-)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.6   dan

      man, that WAS a whole lot better.

      good job penguin!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 1:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.7   WanderingPenguin bang

      Thanks, dan. I was hoping for some “constructive criticism” from LCG (or perhaps I should call him “Rev. C.L. Dodgson’s Ghost”?), but it seems hopeless now. :D

      I immensely enjoyed your banter in that other thread (I admit that I had to look up “filfar” but at least I knew what “laudanum” was). I just decided to keep my nose out of it at the time. That’s exactly the sort of thing I look forward to on this site but which seems sadly lacking most threads these days. Perhaps once the January blahs kick in….? ;)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 3:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.8   WanderingPenguin bang

      On a positive note: all the banter here today has made me look more deeply into the life and times of one Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson and I have discovered that there are some pretty fascinating debates over his supposed “proclivities” and so forth. But one of the coolest things I came across was this idea: “Rabbit Hole Day”. As the anniversary of LC’s birth is coming up in just over three weeks, I thought I would see what comes of this idea amongst my fellow PANophiles. :D

      Jan 4, 2008 at 4:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.9   amy d bang

      I’m thinking we will bastardize it in some way. Such as, stick it in your rabbit hole, you imp!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.10   amy d bang

      Oh look! I was right, lol.

      Jan 4, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.11   dan

      honestly, i was hoping LCG was going to rip you a new one in some wonderfully florid exposition, but he appears to have more pressing matters at (ghostly) hand. perhaps some old oxford hallway to mill about in?

      as for rabbit hole day, count me in.

      heck, most of the passive/aggressive notes posted are insane enough to qualify for some kind of “rabbit hole award.”

      Jan 4, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.12   WanderingPenguin bang

      Well, that would have been great but I guess we are going to have to live without that rousing conversation. I do have to agree with LCG on one major point, though: a parody is very different from creating a poem or a song from scratch. A poem can flow in any direction you wish it to and does not have to make sense nor even rhyme. A parody should follow the original pace, cadence and meter to the letter wherever possible and should make a good attempt to incorporate some of the original wording or at least rhyming into the satire – it makes it much easier to follow. Like A Surgeon by Weird Al would be a perfect example.

      I say this because there are still some dissenters and non-believers to be found “elsewhere” on PAN. And that is all I am prepared to say on that subject for today. ;)

      Jan 5, 2008 at 1:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.13   park rose bang

      To the tune of Mother Goose.
      http://www.theteachersguide.com/Songs/three_little_kittensmother_goose.htm

      Oh Pengy dear, we sadly fear, our cadence we have lost.
      What?! Lost your cadence, that’s just flagrance,
      No longer shall you scribe.

      :D :D
      I’ll leave ‘em up to you, eh? ;-)

      Jan 5, 2008 at 3:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.14   WickedLady bang

      “If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”

      Rabbit Hole Day sounds like an awful lot of fun. Count me in, too!

      Jan 5, 2008 at 10:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.15   WanderingPenguin bang

      No, no, rose, that was great!!

      And we have our first entry from WL. This could be wonderful! As long as we remember on the 27th.

      I also want to thank all of you for not pointing out the superfluous close-quotes in my parody. :| I just noticed them this afternoon.

      Jan 5, 2008 at 3:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   fantasy bang

    Just hope “TheIf” is not smarter than you think, because after “trifling” through your clothes she knows you better than you can spell, so be afraid, be very afraid. She could be watching your back to see if it has been wearing anything else she might like. “Man, that sweater she be wearing is sooo fine”

    Jan 4, 2008 at 2:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Nekomimi bang

    Lol.. this person seems a bit deranged to me… “I know where she lives”? Then confront the thief, damn it!

    Jan 4, 2008 at 4:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   secondsout bang

      Yes, I’m with you on this one. If you know who she is, and where she lives, do something about it. Like call the cops; not the grammar cops who hang out on the PAN website.

      On a side note, the reflection in the mirror almost makes it look like that’s the laundromat on my block. I’ll keep an eye out for puma-jacket-wearing undies-”theives.”

      Jan 4, 2008 at 9:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      Doesn’t most of ‘Frisco look like that block? Or is that just in the movies? :)

      Jan 5, 2008 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Nekomimi bang

    PS: WP, you know who I am… Remember our hot premier? ;)

    Jan 4, 2008 at 4:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Shall your secret be safe with me, “Neko”? ;)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   amy d bang

    Hot premier, what? Oh, how you tease us.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 4:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Ariadne bang

    I was once accosted by some young mormon guys in my laundromat. They were laundering a single dress shirt in a washer. They were nice enough, but I firmly told them that I wasn’t interested in talking to them about God, and wished them well. I also told one of them that I wouldn’t forget his name, in any case. “Why?” he asked. “Because,” I replied, looking at his metallic name tag – “I never met anyone named ‘Elder’ before.” After he explained that this was his designation and not his first name, with extreme embarrassment I fled the laundromat. In my haste I left an entire load of whites in the dryer. When I returned later, the clothes were nowhere to be found. I don’t know if the mormons were the ‘laundry theifs’ or not.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 4:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Team Cassandra bang

      O no. That was God. He smote you. :)

      Jan 4, 2008 at 5:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   anglophile bang

      Someone stole your laundry? Why would anyone do that?

      Hey! Maybe it was a fugitive!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 5:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.3   pickle bang

      It couldn’t have been the Mormons… they never wear white! They like to skulk around after dark in pairs, wearing all black and trying to get into your home! They’re like vampires!

      Jan 4, 2008 at 6:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   bellabeastie

    LCG — thanks for not being ee cummings, (because there can be but one) I think I may have a degree from Oxford or somewhere due to the viewing your astute replies to this post . Very educational. Thank you. However, you have never addressed the misspellings in the note in question. My question to you is: how would you word the initial note to get the best response from the unwashed reader?

    AND politely request a timely return of the white puma jacket? (forget the “other stuff” because who would want it back — really….)

    Team Keep The Undies If You Really Need Them

    Jan 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   bellabeastie

    P.S. .. My personal response– “Keep that shit and gimme back my puma muthafucka”…THEIF !!! ”

    Not exactly ee cumings, but you have to know who you are dealing with. As it were.

    Jan 4, 2008 at 11:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   fantasy bang

    Oh My!!!!! I can see The if by looking at reflection in the window! I do think she has come back to strike again!!! She is trying to see if anyone in there has matching pants to jacket!!! Or just if anyone in this crappy nieghborhood has any style at all! Yep, she’s casing the joint.

    Jan 5, 2008 at 12:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   raiseyourglass

    enjoy!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJxma8_RoMQ

    Jan 5, 2008 at 1:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Canthz_B bang

    If the reflection wrote this note then no wonder the spelling is off. That looks like a Bigfoot!!

    Jan 5, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   morpho aurora bang

    isn’t puma a synonym for cougar?

    Jan 5, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Team Cassandra bang

      Let me help with this…

      *I* am a PUMA.

      A woman over 40 would be considered a COUGAR.

      Depending on her preferred leisure activities, that is ;)

      Jan 5, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   amy d bang

      Well, if those young whipper-snappers (the Pumas) have their own jackets, Cougars should have their own, as well. After all, whose gonna teach the next generation of Cougars how to prowl, pounce and/or growl but us?

      Team Where’s My Jacket!

      Jan 5, 2008 at 1:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.3   Canthz_B bang

      YEAH!!

      Team lamé Cougar jackets!

      Jan 5, 2008 at 1:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   fantasy bang

    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    Don’t you steal mine
    Don’t you steal mine
    Don’t you steal my puma
    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    Don’t you feel lame
    Don’t uou feel lame
    For stealing from your neighbor
    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    Don’t you feel lame
    Don’t you feel lame
    For stealing your neighbors’ panties
    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    You’re not welcome in my neighborhood
    If you try to be my neighbor
    If you try to be my neighbor
    You won’t be mine
    You won’t be mine
    I’ll have to kill my NEIGHBOR!!!!!

    Thank You,
    Mister Rogers

    Jan 5, 2008 at 4:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Canthz_B bang

      Is that a lamé sweater you have on today, Mister Rogers? *tiny snickering sounds off camera*

      Settle down children. Can you say, “settle down”?

      Jan 5, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   fantasy bang

    Mister Rogers,
    What a lame sweater you are wearing! *snicker,snicker*

    Jan 5, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   southern california: it’s hard out here for a goth

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  • #47   O Brother, Where “You’re” At? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] I know where she lives. [...]

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