i know where she lives

January 3rd, 2008 · 125 comments

margarita spotted this note in the window of a laundromat in san francisco. honestly, she says, “i’m more afraid of a vindictive, threatening neighbor than a laundry ‘theif.’”

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FILED UNDER: laundry · neighbors · san francisco · spelling and grammar police · stealing · warning

125 responses so far ↓

#1 raiseyourglass

First !
How many white puma jackets can one person have anyway?

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:22 pm rating: +5

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- #1.1 Mishee
  
  Puma sucks, maybe the theif was just trying to save this person from the shame of wearing it.
  
  It’s all about My adidas (NEVER capitalize the “A”)!!
  
  Jan 5, 2008 at 11:39 am rating: +1
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#2 Grimfool

“Superman”-style shaded block letters but can’t spell thief . . . Lame! Knowing where she lives, but opting for public display instead of personal confrontation . . . Lame! Team Beware!

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:30 pm rating: +1

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#3 park rose

Be scared. Be vewy, vewy scared.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:31 pm rating: +2

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#4 park rose

Beware your neighbor! Right on!

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: 0

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#5 fantasy

Maybe now she has learned her lesson and will sit in the laundry room and watch her clothes! While she has nothing else to do she can open a fancy sign shop as a part time business,for all the unfortunate people who live in her crappy nieghborhood.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:32 pm rating: +4

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- #5.1 anglophile
  
  She’ll be a success just as long as the unfortunate people who live in her crappy neighborhood don’t mind misspelled signs.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:32 am rating: +1
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#6 raiseyourglass

female, brunette, mid 30’s….
crud that’s me!
What is a “THE IF” anyway?

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: +1

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- #6.1 GhostWriter
  
  As long as nobody adds posts to the first five comments, your note (above) appears right next to at-shirt-clad pic (…of you?)
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 10:16 am rating: +2
- #6.2 raiseyourglass
  
  HA! Too funny! I hadn’t noticed that!
  
  Jan 5, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: +1
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#7 fantasy

She could also beg for spare change while watching her clothes and buy a washer and dryer. Also get new Puma jacket!

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +1

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#8 fantasy

After she learns how to spell… I before E !

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: +1

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#9 park rose

Ornithologists world wide are on the look out for the rare White Puma Jacket Wearing Laundry Thief Raptor after a tip-off from Disgruntled Neighb in downtown San Fransico.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: +1

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#10 Canthz_B

Should be easy to find a 30 year-old lame brunette woman wearing a white Puma jacket and panties.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm rating: +12

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- #10.1 Canthz_B
  
  Oh, wait…this is San Francisco. There could be thousands of them on the streets at any given time.
  
  Jan 3, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: +8
- #10.2 Ralphy
  
  Not so, fair lady-it’s a well known city ordince that white puma jackets are forbidden-they must be pink or purple. HeHeHe. Yeah, you heard it right.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:42 am rating: +1
- #10.3 Canthz_B
  
  Could the “Theif” be Karl Maulden or Michael Douglas? They spent years in “The Streets Of San Francisco”.
  They were bound to pick up some bad habits!
  
  Jan 5, 2008 at 3:54 pm rating: +1
- #10.4 Canthz_B
  
  “The Streets Of San Francisco”
  
  One of the greatest cop shows evarrr!
  
  Jan 5, 2008 at 4:21 pm rating: 0
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#11 Team Cassandra

Try as I might I just can’t figure out who, exactly, should be watching their back … the patrons, the ‘theif’, me?!? … because, honestly, that ‘victim’ seems like the kind of wacko I do not want to be running into at the laundromat.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:41 pm rating: +3

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#12 WanderingPenguin

It’s very, very disappointing that years of Schoolhouse Rocks later this woman has learned how to use their special shaded letter font… but not how to actually spell. The shame of it all!

“I know a lady who lives on Mission Street… she sneaks around stealing jackets and ladies’ undies…. ”

That’s all I got. So far.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:46 pm rating: +1

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- #12.1 WanderingPenguin
  
  Are you seriously going to tell me that nobody here remembers Schoolhouse Rocks? How sad!
  
  Jan 5, 2008 at 3:30 pm rating: +1
- #12.2 Canthz_B
  
  Schoolhouse Rock
  
  I loved them, WP.
  The site has lyrics too! I need to go to the fitting room!
  
  Jan 5, 2008 at 3:35 pm rating: +2
- #12.3 WanderingPenguin
  
  As long as you don’t go in the fitting room. ‘Cause that’s a whole ‘nother thread.
  
  Jan 5, 2008 at 4:17 pm rating: +1
- #12.4 SHARKFAN
  
  I LOVE Schoolhouse Rock!
  
  Jan 7, 2008 at 10:52 pm rating: +1
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#13 Canthz_B

Is it me, or are there two or three contributors to this sign?

The “& VICTIM” and “I know where she lives” seem different than the main sign.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:50 pm rating: +1

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- #13.1 Wade
  
  you may be on to something, C-B
  
  Maybe Rene Hall followed Anthony Grosso to San Francisco and is stealing his puma jackets, along with Terry’s underwear and towels.
  
  Jan 3, 2008 at 10:54 pm rating: +1
- #13.2 amy d
  
  I believe Cantz B kows too much. I found this on the web: PUMA TERRY JACKET @ Thanks Terry!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:22 am rating: 0
- #13.3 the sos
  
  I was thinking that too. It’s almost as if a second victim has stepped forward, offering a tip. A useless tip, but a tip nonetheless.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:35 am rating: +2
- #13.4 Bebo
  
  Great call on the multiple sources!
  
  And look, haven’t we all borrowed women’s underwear from the laundromat?
  
  No?? Yeah me neither. I was just saying…cause a friend…and…DON’T JUDGE ME!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 4:46 pm rating: +7
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#14 durian

What if the notewriter is a male, ala the movie “Dressed to Kill”? Then the warning becomes even more pertinent, and the last part is code for:
Beware your neighbor: 1 victim disposed of already…

I think credit should be given for using the correct form of ‘prey’, though.

Jan 3, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: +1

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#15 fantasy

If you are going to San Francisco, be sure to snare some undies while you are there.
If you are going to San Francisco,
Get some towels to clean up while you are there
If you are going to San Francisco, be sure and get a nice jacket while you are there
yes,there is a chill in the air
If you are going to San Francisco, be sure and watch your back while you are there….

Jan 3, 2008 at 11:01 pm rating: +9

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- #15.1 park rose
  
  LOL, fantasy! Nice one.
  
  Jan 3, 2008 at 11:09 pm rating: 0
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#16 fantasy

Well, I butchered the hell out of that song!!!!

Jan 3, 2008 at 11:08 pm rating: 0

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#17 Canthz_B

Dryersocky

Just washing and my six machines
Did spin and wobble after the rinse:
All aged now my brand new jeans
Each machine a buck fifty cents.

“Beware the laundry thief, my son!
For your sister’s panties fight
the hands that snatch!
Beware the dryer thief, and run
Your new towels to catch!”

He took his dryer sheets in hand:
Walking the streets Puma jacket sought–
He tired after hour three,
“I’ll post a sign”, he thought.

And, as he posted his warning sign,
The Laundry thief, high as a kite,
Came strutting through the neighborhood,
It whistled in the night!

Bang, bang! Bang, bang! And one good Boom
With his Tech Nine he did attack!
He left it dead, and now he fled
Before the police could react!

“Did you kill the Laundry Thief?
Get in this house you foolish boy!
Oh what a day! Right here you’ll stay!”
Gun painted now like toy.

Just washing and my six machines
Did spin and wobble after the rinse:
All aged now my brand new jeans
Each machine a buck fifty cents.

Jan 4, 2008 at 12:12 am rating: +10

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- #17.1 Lewis Carroll's Ghost
  
  Man, that was brutal. The meter was messed up something fierce. The line about the sister’s panties had three extra syllables all by itself and was impossible to read. Not to mention that you called it “Dryersocky” and there were no socks in the goddam “poem”. (Maybe those socks were fucking delicious?) You should probably stick to the song parodies or, better yet, let those who do them properly handle the job.
  
  Next!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:24 am rating: +3
- #17.2 Wade
  
  “Just the place for a Snark!” the Bellman cried,
  As he landed his crew with care;
  Supporting each man on the top of the tide
  By a finger entwined in his hair.
  
  “Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice:
  That alone should encourage the crew.
  Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice:
  What i tell you three times is true.”
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:46 am rating: +9
- #17.3 Lewis Carroll's Ghost
  
  Whereas that was wonderful. Mind you, that might be because it needed no changing of words.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:50 am rating: 0
- #17.4 dan
  
  forget the nasty critics.
  
  who loves critics?
  
  no one.
  
  besides, carroll can’t spell “goddamn” anyway!
  
  very clever. keep up the entertaining work!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 10:10 am rating: +2
- #17.5 Lewis Carroll's Ghost
  
  My goodness. Another “sheep” heard from. By the way, “God damn” is actually two words. “Goddam” is more poetic - as in “Mississippi Goddam” (Nina Simone). But then, I guess poetic phrases are lost on you if you think the above parody is “clever”. However, if you’re going to correct someone - and it’s kind of funny being a critic in a note lambasting critics - then you should at least correct them properly. My point stands as made: that “poem” was brutal. There have been many, many parodies on here that were brilliant. Or perhaps even “brillig”. But that one, sadly, was not. For one thing, he didn’t even remember to spell “theif” incorrectly. Tsk tsk tsk. I am now spinning like a lathe in my sarcophagus. Off to haunt another’s soul. Cheerio!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 10:46 am rating: +1
- #17.6 rabble rouser
  
  you’re the sheep hearder, Goddam! Geddit?
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 10:54 am rating: +2
- #17.7 Canthz_B
  
  Can’t we all just get along? I have no problem with critics. One man’s meat is another man’s poison, to each his own…and all that!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 11:35 am rating: +1
- #17.8 GhostWriter
  
  Point of order; whenever another ghost writes commentary, I am supposed to hear about it first! Union rules.
  
  Secondly, I am on “Team Dryersocky” so bad that I am going to make it the name of my CounterStrike server.
  
  …and finally, what did the Saki connoisseur demand at Ace Wasabi’s?
  
  YOU GUESSED IT !
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: +5
- #17.9 Canthz_B
  
  LOL, Do you get notified twice if WriterRejected’s Ghost comments?
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: 0
- #17.10 Space Monkey
  
  I just had a revelation by Jesus himself.
  Like to heah it? Heah it go:
  Poems:
  1) Don’t have to rhyme
  2) Don’t have to make sense
  3) the title doesn’t have to have anything to do with the content and;
  4) Jesus liked ‘Dryersocky’
  
  GhostWriter your posts make my day.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 12:29 pm rating: +6
- #17.11 dan
  
  baaaa
  
  i just don’t understand why ghosts need to be pricks to people who give a decent effort to entertain. it may be lousy, but who cares? i mean, hell, we can’t all be late nineteenth century pedophile effetes, sipping our filfar and extolling the virtues of laudanum, right?
  
  long story short, while your prose is a veritable bouquet of whimsey mr. carroll’s ghost, your manners leave something to be desired.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: +6
- #17.12 Lewis Carroll's Ghost
  
  Ah, but that was not a poem, Space Monkey, it was a parody. The “rules” are a bit different. Even though the original poem made no sense whatsoever - or, as you like to call it, Revelation #2 - the parody of that poem should share a meter or a thought process. This shared neither and was not very good. The effort was wonderful; the outcome was not. In other words, “The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.” Had this been a thoroughly original poem there would have been no need for this conversation, as I would have remained tucked safely in my grave. Also, while #1 and #2 belonged on that list as formed, you went a bit off the track grammatically with points 3 and 4.
  
  And I must quibble with Revelation #4. As a ghost, I know Jesus personally and when He read this parody…. Jesus wept. And not for joy.
  
  The other souls were no fun to torment, so I returned. You people are much more interesting! I, too, enjoyed GhostWriter’s post immensely.
  
  Well, most of you are more interesting. “dan” is just a snarly bit of fluff. The effort was decent, dan, but the outcome was not. I just call ‘em as I sees ‘em. At least I don’t write like e.e. cummings.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 12:41 pm rating: +1
- #17.13 dan
  
  well played
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 12:54 pm rating: +1
- #17.14 Lewis Carroll's Ghost
  
  et tu, dan, et tu. I particularly liked the “filfar” reference.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 12:55 pm rating: +1
- #17.15 Space Monkey
  
  Dan I am a late nineteenth century pedophile effete, who sips filfar and extolls the virtues of laudanum. Thankyouverymuch.
  
  I lost the will and gave up the fight on 3 and 4 and anyway I think C_B’s moldy green status says more than I ever could.
  
  And Louie, it was one revelation with four points. Jesus told me so. He also called it a poem. Three times. 3 denotes emphasis. Jesus trumps you.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 1:10 pm rating: +3
- #17.16 dan
  
  for the record, i was referring to mr. carroll as the “late nineteenth century pedophile effete, who sips filfar and extolls the virtues of laudanum.” and who can blame him?
  
  i, personally, think space monkeys are quite wonderful. if it weren’t for alberts 1-4, mike and patricia, gordo, baker, able, and more, we might not even have a space program! salutations brave cousin! huzzah!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: +3
- #17.17 Space Monkey
  
  FTR- i know, and;
  
  I graciously accept your praise. *genuflect*
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 1:27 pm rating: +1
- #17.18 Team Cassandra
  
  HA! But you spelled ‘theif’ wrong.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 5:05 pm rating: +1
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#18 Dan

I love the notes with “I know where she lives!” or similar written on them. They make me wish (almost) that I had passive-aggressive stickers pre-printed explaining that such a declaration is an almost-universal sign that the author does not, in fact, possess even the slightest sliver of information about the perpetrator. Except that I’m really not that passive-aggressive or anal retentive.

Jan 4, 2008 at 1:02 am rating: +1

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- #18.1 anglophile
  
  Oh, come on, Dan, I’m sure you could be if you try. Please? Just for us?
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 9:38 am rating: +1
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#19 Set To Evil

That White Puma Jacket was fucking delicious!

Jan 4, 2008 at 2:42 am rating: 0

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- #19.1 WickedLady
  
  I’m starting to get the feeling it has almost become like a job for me, but once again I shall hand out the unitard. Wear it, Set To Evil!
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 6:13 am rating: 0
- #19.2 Lizzie
  
  …And now you must don the the white Puma unitard.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 6:17 am rating: +1
- #19.3 WickedLady
  
  Well, that’s better than that unwashed thing we’ve been passing around.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 8:28 am rating: 0
- #19.4 ro-nonymous
  
  my sentiments exactly.
  
  Jan 4, 2008 at 10:18 am rating: 0

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

i know where she lives

January 3rd, 2008 · 125 comments

125 responses so far ↓