is nothing sacred?
January 5th, 2008 · 139 comments
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · bathroom · jersey · roommates · thanks (but not really)
painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over
- Cop one: Caught him speeding officer. One mile over the prescriptive mile.
Cop two: Book him, just as he was booking us. You know it matters most when it comes to these "Little" Dishonesties.
Cop one: And then what?
Cop two: Book and phylum, of course. Put him in with all the other bi-valves and bottom feeders then throw away the key. This one's fast-tracked for the lower kingdoms. - It’s all about communication. And toilet paper. (96)
- Mo®: Is that what Nicole did? What, too soon?
- Mo®: “Forceful restating of the obvious followed by a clumsy come on”
- Geek Goddess: “Earnest and non-humorous defense of original contributor”
- Mo®: As a real man I just scoot across the floor on my butt to wipe… what you don’t!?!?
- Mo®: The early Romans were known to wax poetically on the goings on of the TP mythology. Roman baths were fairly...
- It’s all about communication. And toilet paper. (96)
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- Daves 4 life!!!
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- I can has guilt trip?
- not a match
- over and over – the warning
- so obsessed that i’m becoming a bore
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139 responses so far ↓
#1
secondsout
When it says, brush my… It really makes one first wonder, just what the hell is this person going to brush?
Jan 5, 2008 at 5:59 pm rating: +6
#2
groovyyaya
Look under the toothbrush… it continues to say “my gums”
That is so freaking gross… using a roommate’s toothbrush.
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:02 pm rating: 0
#3
secondsout
Of course, if this is really the biggest problem in this guy’s life, he’s not really doing so badly.
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:02 pm rating: +1
#4
secondsout
Of course, this person might not have as many problems if he would stop brushing his gums so hard. Maybe switch to a toothbrush instead of brushing your teeth with a shingle. Are you really telling me that you can’t find soft-bristle toothbrushes in a store without your dentist giving it to you “special?”
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm rating: +3
#5
fantasy
Isn’t that “special” doesn’t he know the Dentist gives everyone a toothbrush!
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm rating: +2
#6
Team Cassandra
Wow, that’s sad. Is there only one store in his town?
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:14 pm rating: +1
#7
Team Cassandra
I wonder what they used it for – scrubbing the grout? Don’t laugh – some people enjoy that kind of thing.
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:15 pm rating: +2
#8
fantasy
I think it is hilarious that he wrote his name on his special toothbrush. Why?
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:17 pm rating: 0
#9
zenvelo
who did he tell that writing his name wouldn’t do any good? If he knew someone would use his toothbrush, why didn’t he put it somewhere else?
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:23 pm rating: +1
#10
amy d
Here’s a solution Mr. McWhiney Entitlement, listen carefully: Don’t brush your gums so hard !
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:23 pm rating: +4
#11
Tyler
I wonder if “whoever” is the person CHASE told writing his name wouldn’t change a thing?
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:24 pm rating: +2
#12
Kelly
If he was that intense about his toothbrush he should have just hidden it. Duh. Or, he used it in a drunken stupor and forgot. Asshat. Team Stop Brushing So F’ing Hard!
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:26 pm rating: +2
#13
fantasy
Of course they didn’t want to use thier own. Maybe that is why there is no longer a ring in the toilet…eeeewwww in reply to #7
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:28 pm rating: +1
#14
amy d
And the Church Lady said, Oh! The dentist gave us our own toothbrush, hmmm? And we thought so hard much of ourselves that we wrote our little name on it, I see. Well, isn’t that special. Who could make a person so prideful? Ldt me think…Could it be SATAN !!!
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:32 pm rating: +7
#15
Wade
Those soft-bristle toothbrushes are perfect for cleaning under the rim of the toilet – doesn’t scratch the porcelain.
I’m just sayin’.
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:35 pm rating: +2
#16
monsieurjohn
who the hell is sanitary enough to brush regularly but unsanitary enough to use whatever toothbrush is within easiest reach?? who does that?
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:36 pm rating: +2
#17
Canthz_B
I say “WHOEVER” had better pack his/her things and leave. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Any time someone writes a PA note on butcher’s paper they mean freakin’ business!
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:38 pm rating: +4
#18
Canthz_B
“A brush especially for me, Dr. Payne? I’ll bet you say that to all the gingiva!”
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:41 pm rating: +3
#19
fantasy
My, I think the “Church Lady” may have something to do with such a clean toilet! *leaves room with her little mouth all puckered up* Sure showed him he was special.
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:42 pm rating: 0
#20
Canthz_B
I cannot agree with the note writer.
I write my name on a regular basis and no one ever uses my toothbrush. Maybe she misspelled her name.
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:48 pm rating: +3
#21
Canthz_B
Who owns this toothbrush, Bam-Bam Rubble?
Thanks folks, try the veal!
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:51 pm rating: +3
#22
Canthz_B
What was the toothbrush’s name (Fuller) and just how did it learn to write? If he’s brand new, how did he know writing it would not stop a toothbrush tort?
Can I stop asking questions now?
Jan 5, 2008 at 6:58 pm rating: +2
#23
fantasy
Where did you get yo’ toothbrush from?
I got it from my Dentist, I Got it from My Dentist
Where did you get MY toothbrush from?
I got it from yo’ bathroom
I got it from yo’ bathroom
Cleaned the bathroom from head to toe
don’t know if it’s a good model though
Where did ya’ get that toothbrush from?
I got it from my Dentist
I got it from my Dentist
Jan 5, 2008 at 7:02 pm rating: +8
#24
Grimfool
Since this guy’s gums are “deep purple” . . . to the tune of “Hush” . . .
I got tender little gums, I brush too rough
No doubt about it, they’re red and puffed
It’s the best brush my dentist gave,
I wrote “Chase” but I couldn’t save,
Yeah, “Chase” couldn’t save.
Bristles soft like a baby’s bum
Only tickle when touching my gum
You grabbed my brush to scrub the sink,
I can’t stand it, yeah,
“Whoever,” you stink.
Na na na . . .
Brush, brush,
My dentist gave it special to me, now
Brush, brush
You took my Oral B
so my gums hurt terribly now
Brush, brush
Softer bristles than you can buy now,
Brush, brush, I wrote my name
But I’ll have to brush and cry now
Brush, brush
I miss it early in the morning,
Brush, brush,
Late in the evening . . .
Jan 5, 2008 at 7:07 pm rating: +7
#25
Ralphy
Simple solution
Hide your new one
Put this one back out on a note
“Community toothbrush. I won’t say where it’s been, but the sun “don”t”shine there. Feel free!”
Jan 5, 2008 at 7:12 pm rating: +1
#26
Aubrey
You can too get that at the store. That’s the exact same toothbrush I use. It came right off the shelf at CVS. It was the only one I could find with extra soft bristles … well, at that particular store, on that particular day.
Not saying that makes the roommate using it ok, just saying it makes the dentist’s claim of its specialness a little suspicious
Jan 5, 2008 at 7:15 pm rating: +1
#27
Denagh
Ok first question…How did he KNOW someone used his brush?? Was there hair in it or something? Secondly, how may room mates does this guy have that he can’t narrow it down better than a “whoever”? I think he has bigger issues than brushing to hard…who puts all that crap in a note and then tapes the toothbrush to it any how??
Jan 5, 2008 at 7:18 pm rating: +2
#28
Sarah
Ick. Just ick.
Jan 5, 2008 at 7:57 pm rating: 0
#29
Canthz_B
OK, we’re talking head case here, folks.
Anyone who tapes a toothbrush to the paper before writing the note, and then includes a section wherein the toothbrush is talking to them as they write, needs help a dentist cannot provide.
Even our most honed PANskills cannot help this loser.
Jan 5, 2008 at 8:02 pm rating: +4
#30
Sue Do Nim
dear cha e,
i said write, not print. duh.
hugs,
whoever
Jan 5, 2008 at 8:17 pm rating: +1
#31
anglophile
I can’t help but think of the dread and dismay the people in the dentist’s office feel when they realize that today is Chase’s Appointment Day. I imagine Velma, the wily long-time dental assistant carefully scheduling her colonoscopy for Chase’s Appointment Day, leaving the less-wary receptionist, Linda, to fill in for her that day. Doctor Colgate arrives in the morning, and gives a glance at the day’s patient list and immediately retreats to the exam room for a whiff of the happy gas. Shari The Hygenist wonders if she can get her husband, who is on the fire department, to arrive in his truck and evacuate the building due to a dangerous chemical spill in the area.
The clock ticks inexorably away as 11:35 (Zero Hour) approaches, and in comes Chase. He shows his bleeding gums to Linda. He shows his gums to the patients in the waiting room, he complains to Shari that she’s poking his gums too hard and whines for 45 minutes at Dr. Colgate about the hint of pink in his sink. Finally, they are nearly rid of him. As he stops at the desk to make his next appointment in six month’s time, Linda has a brainstorm! She disappears for a moment and returns bearing the Oral B Advantage® Artica™ (Soft Bristle, Size 40, blue), saying in a very earnest tone, “Dr. Colgate would like you to have this special brush. You can’t get it in stores. It will help you with your gums.”
As Chase leaves the building, cradling his glorious toothbrush, Dr. Colgate, Shari and Linda watch him go, safe in the knowledge that they will not see him again for six whole months. On her lunch break, Linda plans a trip to Costa Rica in six months time, and purchases non-refundable airplane tickets. Screw Velma. She can deal with the little whiner next time.
Jan 5, 2008 at 8:31 pm rating: +19
#32
fantasy
If Chase has such sensitive gums, What would he floss with? He must not that is why his gums are so sensitive. Yucky! Bleeding gums.
Jan 5, 2008 at 8:35 pm rating: +1
#33
Yuck in Tennessee
I have a friend who used to use her step-dad’s toothbrush to clean the toilet. And then didn’t wash it after. eww!
Jan 5, 2008 at 8:51 pm rating: 0
#34
MJaz
It seems that this is not the first time his brush has been violated, per the “wouldn’t change ANYTHING” statement.
If I were Cha e, I would buy a brand new toothbrush (from the dollar store), write my name on it, then use it to clean my dog’s teeth, and leave it on the sink. If the toothbrush violator struck, I would then be sure to alert him as to what he had put in his mouth.
But that’s just me. I have a few passive-aggressive issues…
Jan 5, 2008 at 8:53 pm rating: +3
#35
Canthz_B
But wait…this is NOT A PAN JOKE…I saw a commercial IRL for a toothbrush that beeps after two minutes to let you know when you have brushed long enough!
I couldn’t help but wonder who needs such a thing and what they would do if the battery died after 1.5 minutes of brushing.
Jan 5, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: +1
#36
tanyetta
Jan 5, 2008 at 10:22 pm rating: 0
#37
Team Cassandra
This is as bad as worst case of co-dependence I’ve ever seen. Can you see this in other circumstances?
“Thanks to whomever stole my special fork with the rounded tips. Now I have holes all over my face!”
Jan 5, 2008 at 10:45 pm rating: +9
#38
Lurker
I saw some TV special once where they sprayed a chemical on things in the bathroom to see how germy they were, and they used some kind of special photography to see how far the teeny, tiny drops of water spray into the air when you flush the toilet. The guy said, “If you store your toothbrush within six feet of the toilet, you might as well be brushing with water from the bowl.” Ever since then I’ve kept my toothbrush in my bedroom.
Jan 6, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: 0
#39
sweet jane
I’m not sure my toothbrush would be any less germy if I kept it in my bedroom.
Jan 6, 2008 at 2:36 am rating: 0
#40
Ralphy
Hey SJ–I guess it depends on what goes on in your bed room and if it is under the covers or on top of the bed spread, exposed to God, country and the whole world. hehe
Jan 6, 2008 at 6:44 am rating: 0
#41
Juliet
It’s Team Chase on this one.
Using someone else’s previously used toothbrush is like wearing someone else’s previously worn underwear. Who cares how often it’s been disinfected/laundered, these are personal items.
What I’d like to know is how Chase figured out someone brushed their teeth with it as opposed to just wetting it to screw with him.
Jan 6, 2008 at 12:44 pm rating: 0
#42
TreeShaker
Seriously – the FIRST rule of living with anyone other than immediate family is: Never leave your toothbrush out where your roommates can access it. Especially if you have a tendancey to piss them off. It probably wasn’t even used on teeth…shudder.
Jan 6, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: 0
#43
bamBam!
umm… I love how CHASE never specifies what the roomate actually did with the toothbrush. Did he just use it, or did he like wipe his ass with it??
Jan 6, 2008 at 1:54 pm rating: 0
#44
GVI
Why is he brushing his gums in the first place, is he missing teeth or something?
Jan 6, 2008 at 2:05 pm rating: +2
#45
fantasy
Just a few facts: The same bacteria that causes gum disease may also affect your heart.
Also taking a supplement CoQ10 can help both heart and gum disease.
This is for anyone who may have gum disease or want to prevent it and have a healthy heart!
Jan 6, 2008 at 3:21 pm rating: 0
#46
mamason
Well of course writing his name didn’t do anything. You have to write it 3 times while standing on one foot and hopping in a counter clockwise circle chanting, ” Mine, mine, mine…” duh!
Jan 6, 2008 at 3:55 pm rating: +1
#47
mamason
That tooth brush was fucking delicious! And I mean it.
Thanks Terry.
Jan 6, 2008 at 4:22 pm rating: 0
#48
WickedLady
My mom dropped my tooth brush in the toilet once and forgot to tell me about it. She just put it back for me to use. After I found out I insisted next time she’d throw it away and one day my tooth brush way missing.
Jan 6, 2008 at 5:02 pm rating: 0
#49
Canthz_B
I wonder what psychologists would say about the “bubble” exclamation points?
Maybe they represent the abyss the writer would like “WHOEVER” to fall into.
Jan 6, 2008 at 5:45 pm rating: 0
#50
Writerrejected
To whom is the note addressed? “I told you writing my name wouldn’t change ANYTHING.” Was there a discussion about the toothbrush, the gums, the sharing, the dentist prior to this incident?
Jan 6, 2008 at 7:10 pm rating: 0
#51
aprilshowers
#27.3, that point was made 8 and a half hours before you made it…see #29.
Jan 6, 2008 at 7:40 pm rating: 0
#52
sir jorge
disinfecting that would be simple
Jan 6, 2008 at 8:35 pm rating: 0
#53
nina
When a room mate started using my toothbrush, I got another one and continued to let them use it until they got themselves a new one, which I then dipped into the toilet water because they don’t know how to use their own toilet brush either.
Before anyone says anything, there are more bad germs inside another person’s mouth than there are inside a freshly toilet-ducked toilet.
I shall let them know about this shortly after I move out.
Jan 7, 2008 at 12:52 pm rating: 0
#54
set to evil
Say it with me,”That Toothbrush was fucking delicious!”
Jan 7, 2008 at 3:11 pm rating: 0
#55
Team Cassandra
Honestly, every time I look at this thread (to see what I may have missed) I have to stop because it makes me worry about my gums. I was JUST at the dentist and my gums are fine – “good” even.
Weird. And ick.
Jan 7, 2008 at 11:21 pm rating: 0
#56 clarifying motion #2
[...] is nothing sacred? digg_skin = ‘compact’; reddit! stumble it! function [...]
Mar 12, 2008 at 9:21 pm rating: 0
#57
kawb
To save on water, detergent, and effort, my husband and I use bath/shower towels a few times before putting them in the laundry. When we had a (now former) friend staying with us for five months a few years back, she used to use my towel. You know, the one I wiped my private parts with. She could never figure out what my objection was, and thought I was just a neat-freak or a germ-phobe. Tell me…which one of us was the normal one?
Another time, I went to get a new cartridge for my refillable razor, and found HER hairs in it! She’d taken it out of the pack, used it, and then put it back IN the pack, hoping I wouldn’t notice.
I wouldn’t put it past her to use someone else’s toothbrush…and it’s really weirding me out now, since it hadn’t occurred to me before. *shudder*
May 9, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: 0
#58
bobby
what? someone used his toothbrush? or no one used his tooth brush and he just believes someone did?
Jul 22, 2008 at 1:58 pm rating: 0
#59 #1 Fear - College Roomates | College Jolt
[...] (Photo courtesy of passiveaggressivenotes.com) [...]
Sep 5, 2008 at 4:58 pm rating: 0
#60
bill
this doesn’t rate leaving a message um damn anyway
Oct 24, 2008 at 6:48 am rating: 0
#61
zephron
and dont forget to wee in the kettle before ya go!
Dec 20, 2008 at 6:28 pm rating: 0
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