More like hardly working

January 9th, 2008 · 133 comments

Mara in Minneapolis ( average temperature in January: 12° F/-11° C) says the worst job she’s ever had was at a local thrift store — and not because of the crazy customers and their indiscreet use of the fitting rooms. No, like many workers, the crazy person driving Mara crazy was her boss — the author of the masterpiece below.

NO ONE IS TO TOUCH THE THERMOSTATS. It is always cold in the morning so wear a sweatshirt, when it warms up from the lights and the sun and I hope because you're working hard take it off. What a great concept. (I made it up myself that's why I am the manager.)

Mara says she lasted three weeks before her boss made her so angry that she walked out and never looked back. (No, not even to leave a little surprise behind in the bath—er, fitting room. That’s management-level thinking, folks.)

related: When nature calls

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · crazy boss · Minneapolis/St. Paul · now that's management · retail hell · runaway run-on sentences · temperature


133 responses so far ↓

  • #1   anglophile bang

    (I am a tool that’s why I am the manager).

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:08 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Nix

    Beware of little people with big badges!

    Whatta bitch.

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Wade bang

    Warms up from the lights?

    What are they illuminating the store with – torches?

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:14 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe they have heat lamps for the Hot Pants display! :-)

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Mishee bang

      Is that how you warmed your home when you were a kid Wade? Sorry, that is the LAST age joke… for today… I promise!

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Becky

      The store I work at is so tiny and there’s so many bright burning bulbs… it actually does get hot from the lights.

      The manager is still a tool though

      Jan 21, 2008 at 10:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    “I am the Heat Miser. If you don’t like the temperature, I will be the Wardrobe Nazi as well. I will not set the thermostat to turn the heat up an hour before my serfs arrive. Their work will generate the requisite heat for their survival. Now, back to my office where my space heater awaits me!”

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Nicole

      I manage a Restaurant in Marshfield and that descibes my work environment 100%!

      Jan 12, 2008 at 12:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   morpho aurora bang

    and as soon as i take off this sweatshirt, i’m going to wrap it around your throat until you turn blue. and die.

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:19 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Mishee bang

    I hate to do this to the PAN Goddess, but this IS PAN, so anything posted on this page is fair game (including the google ads) –

    Umm, what the hell is this??

    …before her boss her so angry that she walked…”

    I love ya Kerry!!! :D

    (Ok, possibly I am a tad bitter since my submission hasn’t been posted yet! let me take you on a “guilt trip” Goddess!) lol!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Canthz_B bang

      *Backing slowly away from Mishee*

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Mishee bang

      No need to fear me CB, I won’t hurt ya!

      Or are you just distancing yourself so you aren’t judged “guilty by association”? Cause remember, I am still the “Co-Gang Leader” with you buddy! I go down, I’m takin’ you with me!! :)

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Canthz_B bang

      Kicking and screaming if I go! :-)

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Mishee bang

      I wouldn’t have it any other way!

      *stay on topic*
      *stay on topic*
      *stay on topic*

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   WanderingPenguin bang

      Oh, look! A special edit button for the PAN goddess! And she knows how to use it!

      Mission accomplished, Mishee. ;)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Mishee bang

      It’s why I exist WP.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    Dear Manager,
    Making us turn as blue as Smurfs is a great concept, huh? Maybe that’s why you manage a thrift store!

    —The Thermostat Touch-ers

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   morpho aurora bang

      waaahhhh!!! he’s touching my thermostat!

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t cry, little one. He’s setting it warmer! :-P

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Mishee bang

    Shit like this is why I live in California. It got down to 50 today! Brrrrrr!!!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   anglophile bang

      Oh, again with the weather torture. Sheesh.

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Mishee bang

      Friday it’s supposed to be about 60. I will keep you posted as events warrant.

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      At least she didn’t say what the temperature actually was!

      Jan 9, 2008 at 9:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Karen bang

      Southern Cal, up to 70, Mishee….na na na na na naaaaa…..running the a/c in the car

      ;)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Crash bang

    She sounds a little fridged to me…

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Ozymandias bang

      I gotta correct it, Crash, I’m sorry, but the meaning changes…unless, I’m just not getting the joke :?
      frigid
      It probably does come about from being left on the shelf in a fridge, though… :-)

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Crash bang

      ;) you got it !!

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Canthz_B bang

      I think that in Minneapolis in January I would rather be in the fridge than out in the frigid elements!! :-)

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Crash bang

      “fridged”
      I’ll remember the ” “‘s the next time. :D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Ozymandias bang

      apologies from me, Crash. :( My mistake.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Crash bang

      No worries…I misspell stuff all the time…How were you to know ? 8)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   WanderingPenguin bang

      :O:O Crash! You didn’t misspell “misspell” – one of the most common mistakes there is! You must be feeling better! :D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   Crash bang

      lol W.P. 8)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    So now I know what “cold sales” means!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Sign seen in Minneapolis:

    Stripper Thrift Shop…The more you shop, the more we drop!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Mishee bang

    What happens if you are super cold, but don’t have a sweatshirt so you oogle someone’s sweatshirt in their cart? Do you get in double trouble?

    Jan 9, 2008 at 9:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Grimfool

      If that happens, you have to clean the fitting room (but at least you can warm your hands over the steaming pile of crap!).

      Jan 9, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Crash bang

    Okay, what kind of hard work is involved working in a Thrift store that a person would warm up in those temperatures without heat ?

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Grimfool

      Especially if it’s so cold that no customers will come in!

      Jan 9, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   WickedLady bang

      Replacing the carpet in the fitting rooms. They can never get the stains out.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Tim

    I would just turn up the thermostats full-blast to piss her off. How do you like those heating bills now, bitch? Huh?

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Mishee bang

    I just pray to God that there are no defenseless Hamsters in that store!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   fantasy bang

      Mice,rats and cockroaches won’t even stay! *saves on extermination bills too* :P

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   amy d bang

    ThermostatS?? This must be a huge thrift store to require more than one AC/heating unit. The manager clearly has a relative in the heating and cooling business. It was her blatant nepotism that caused the financial set-back wherein there was no money left to use the units.

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Since the manager is depending primarily on the illumination system and the sun for heat, can we assume this thrift shop specializes in light clothing?

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Grimfool

      Maybe a white Puma jacket?

      Jan 9, 2008 at 10:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   morpho aurora bang

      grim could i borrow that for just a minute?
      *takes jacket, folds neatly and lays it on the floor. pulls lighter out of pocket and sets jacket on fire*
      ooohh, finally, heat! now i can warm up. thanks sweetie.
      :D
      oh, somebody hand me WP’s unithong. and that filthy unitard. don’t want the fire to burn out.

      Jan 9, 2008 at 10:35 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Canthz_B bang

      And so the Puma Jacket has given it’s life that we may live. No longer shall we speak its name! Amen.

      Jan 9, 2008 at 10:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Grimfool

      WHAT? No unithong, unitard, uniPuma? So now we are defenseless against the FuDel menace . . . good thing I’ve still got my Oral-B in my pocket — or maybe I’m just glad to see you.
      [Rimshot... Thanks, I'll be here until Thursday.]

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   morpho aurora bang

      you’re not totally defenseless – quick wits and an oral b (i hope that’s an oral b, otherwise the vibrating from your pocket is truly disturbing!)
      :D

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      OoooOOOOoooohhhhh . . . soft bristles, soft bristles . . .

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   morpho aurora bang

      :o that is wrong on so many levels

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Grimfool

    I do not know how to use punctuation especially commas correctly that is why I am the manager.
    Signed Ebenezer.

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   raiseyourglass

      ghost of clothing gone past…

      Jan 9, 2008 at 10:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   mamason bang

    Is this store run by Mr. Crabbs?
    *i watch way too much Spongebob*

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Crash bang

      Nah…the Ice Queen does.

      Jan 9, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   raiseyourglass

    Don’t know ’bout ya’ll… but when I get cold I usually gotsta pee…
    hmm might be the reason for the fitting room prob.

    Team turn it up!!!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   raiseyourglass

    Whoa! Hot flash!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   lola bang

    See, this is unfamiliar territory for me.

    My ex-boss insisted I touch his thermostat… usually while removing my sweatshirt.

    Jan 9, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Grimfool

      Now THAT’s a concept!

      Jan 9, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Kelly

    “That’s why I’m a manger. Because I don’t do actual work, so I have plenty of time to make stupid signs for stupid rules. Now…have we discussed your requisite flair on the sweatshirt? Or the need to obnoxiously greet all incoming customers?”

    Jan 9, 2008 at 11:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Grimfool

    Taken too long, someone has to do it . . . Foreigner’s “Cold As Ice”

    We’re cold as ice
    You’re willing to sacrifice our health
    We never touch the dial –
    With worker’s comp we’ll file, you know

    I’ve been cold before
    But now my fingers are blue
    Someone crapped on the floor
    And it’s addressed to you

    You’re saving some dimes
    But scaring away
    Employees and shoppers
    And someday, you’ll pay!

    What a cold concept!
    You thought of it yourself you say
    You want the temperature kept
    So the ice in your blood won’t melt away.

    I’m working ‘til four
    So I can feel sunshine
    Then I’m out the door
    To a warmer clime

    You’re staying behind
    The sign is a judge
    Your thermostat heart
    Will be forever untouched.

    Jan 9, 2008 at 11:25 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Damn you! I had already sketched it out in my head! Dammit dammit dammit!

      Seriously, nice job. :D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Canthz_B bang

      He does that, WP…I think he’s psychic or something! LOL

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Well, I’m in Korea, so it’s already tomorrow here when it’s today there . . . or something like that

      Jan 10, 2008 at 2:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   park rose bang

      you got yr punctuation!

      I’m seeing a looming battle of the song “parodoureers”. Especially when Troy comes back.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 2:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   park rose bang

      Well, maybe it would be “The Battle of the PANdoreadors”

      This would be set to “March of the Toreadors” , of course, and there would be a dance routine to accompany it; something like this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ticyrupjp4M

      but funnier, if you can imagine a penguin, a ghost, a cartoon character, a grim fool, CB, TC and Wade doing their torero best.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 5:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   Rocky bang

      Well that would at definitely get the blood going (for the dancers at least!)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 8:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   Lurker

      BRAVO!!!

      (clapping keeps my hands warm)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 9:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   MJaz

    Nothing like topless thrift store employees to get those sales up, eh? Shake it baby!

    Jan 9, 2008 at 11:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Grimfool

    Too bad Mara quit so soon . . . she missed the next “concept” from the manager . . .

    NO ONE IS TO TOUCH THE LIGHT SWITCH.
    It is always dark in the morning so wear a miner’s helmet, when it brightens up from the sun and my incandescent ego and I hope because your chattering teeth emit sparks, take it off. What a great concept. I couldn’t get hired at Taco Bell that’s why mom made me the manager here.

    Jan 9, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    Umm…you are the manager, if it is always cold in the morning it is your bloody job to touch the thermostat!
    Set the darned thing so it is warm when we come in to work and it lowers the heat after hours! What a great concept. (That’s why they invented thermostats!)

    Jan 9, 2008 at 11:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   park rose bang

      damn! You’ve got the Pixies in my head. No good links on youtube.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 2:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   park rose bang

      Hey, CB, at #27.1, it was a response to Pdog’s “Hey”, which is now gone, and not in relation to your note. Makes no sense now.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   pdog

    Has everyone lost their mind? You can try to
    sound inteligent but this is a useless topic.
    Peace out!

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Crash bang

      Intelligent or “inteligent” :D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Canthz_B bang

      #28–I’m kinda slow…was there a point there? I’m sure you are “inteligent”, but I’m not and do not know what that word means! This is all so useless. Maybe because we are all trying to use the same mind at once. :-(

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Locke bang

    Sounds like my thrifty-ass first boss, he was so cheap he didn’t install carpeting in the store or the sales office till like 5 years after i quit.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   A.A guy

    Holy Irony Batman!

    This is the first time I’ve been on this site since I moved and the topic is thermostats!The first thing I was told when I walked into my new store was”If you turn off the heat at night the pipes wont thaw until spring.Send little Miss nasty pants up here and see how long she lasts.

    P.S Missed you C.B, Penguin,Wicked et al.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Canthz_B bang

      Hey, A.AG–we missed your unique point of view as well! ;-)
      Hope all is well.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   WanderingPenguin bang

      AAG! Welcome back!

      Erm….moved where, exactly? You gone from T.O.? Guess so, if the pipes freeze where you are. ;)

      Or…I could just read ahead two comments. Never mind. :|

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Olivia

    Which thrift store is this??? I live in Minneapolis.

    Yeah heat is often a problem around here in the Arctic climate.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   A.A guy

    Thanks C.B;

    More irony Olivia.I just moved to Baker Lake Nunavut.It’s about 600 km south of the Arctic Circle.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      What in the holy hell are you doing up there…. in January??

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Tyler bang

    Is she allowed to create huge run on sentences because she’s the manager?

    Jan 10, 2008 at 1:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   park rose bang

      What a great concept.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 2:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   WanderingPenguin bang

    I would totally touch that thermostat. Most likely with my ass.

    This has happened to me in the past, too. I didn’t last any longer than Mara did – I just stopped showing up for work and didn’t even bother to collect my last measly paycheque – and with these kinds of cretins it’s not the thermostat issue that makes you quit, it’s something else even more sociopathic. Anyone who can and does write this kind of note to the employees has some pretty serious problems and is invariably impossible to work with.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 2:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Locke bang

    A.A guy- you are in Nunavut right now!? holy crap, thats much worse than here
    at least it’s like 15 degrees F here…

    Jan 10, 2008 at 2:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Locke bang

    What the french, toast?!

    Jan 10, 2008 at 2:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Locke bang

    man, I’m having too much fun with this.. oh god, i’ve obviously drank too m uch tonight.. ignore everything from here on out!

    Jan 10, 2008 at 2:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Canthz_B bang

    I have worked for some egomaniacs in my time, but the Captain of the Starship Thrift Store takes the cake…and the fruit as well!

    Jan 10, 2008 at 4:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Locke bang

    I knew it was a bunch of perverts here..

    Jan 10, 2008 at 4:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Tyler bang

      Cake/fruit/fruitcake vs. pervert…huge difference ;)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 5:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   park rose bang

    I think the sentence in parentheses should read: (I may be up myself that’s why I am the manager).

    Sorry if it was posted before, I couldn’t find it.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Lurker

    IT WEARS THE SWEATSHIRT OR IT GETS THE HOSE!

    Jan 10, 2008 at 9:28 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   GhostWriter bang

    Team Quick-Change Attire Protest!

    All the employees should spend 8am to 10am wearing olive drab eskimo parkas, with the hood pulled up into a little periscope-like tube, bumping into displays, customers, and generally looking like the place has been taken over by animated pipes.

    Then, during morning break, everybody squeezes into the changnig room, removes the winter-wear, and returns to work in a outfit from M*A*S*H; thin tanktop, baggy undershorts and green socks pulled way up high like Frank Burns.

    This solves nothing, but the sight of viewing female coworkers stripping out of parkas to reveal Army underwear is simply…
    …thought-provoking!

    Jan 10, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Team Cassandra bang

    DA na na na
    Na na
    Na na
    Don’t Touch That!

    DA na na na
    Na na
    Na na
    Don’t Touch That!

    MY my my
    Thermostat is set now
    Just right
    Don’t need adjusting
    Just sit tight
    Thank you
    For leaving it
    Just the way I left it when I left

    I know
    It’s chilly in here
    But it’s ok
    Have no fear
    I’m here now
    Just sit and stare
    Hey look at that shiny thing
    Over there!

    But let me
    Tell you now
    I’m the manager
    I’ll show you how
    To stay warm
    Even when it’s cold –
    Not the Thermostat

    Don’t Touch That.

    DA na na na
    Na na
    Na na
    Don’t Touch That!

    DA na na na
    Na na
    Na na
    Don’t Touch That!

    My my my
    Job is to tell you
    What to do
    So listen up
    Cuz I’m no fool
    My idears
    are flowin’ through
    Just like a little note
    Addressed to you…

    You can
    Wear a sweater
    or a white puma jacket
    or a coat of fur

    Somehow
    It will get warm
    Sometime
    after the break of dawn

    Hey – sit down!
    Hey where you goin’?
    You didn’t let me
    Finish my song
    Next we
    gotta talk about the lights
    You gotta wear a miner’s helmet
    That’s just right!

    No wastin’
    Electricity
    Not while this place
    is under me
    So you
    Think you got it figured out?
    Lightswitches; thermostats?

    Don’t touch that!
    Da na na na
    Na na
    Na na

    Don’t touch that!
    Da na na na
    Na na
    Na na.

    (I’m sorry everybody – Ralphy made me do it :) )

    Jan 10, 2008 at 10:38 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Team Cassandra bang

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMzoBkaFxh4

      Gosh that video is cute. Were we really that cute once?

      Jan 10, 2008 at 10:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   Mishee bang

      TC – this is one of the many reasons I can watch VH1′s “I Love The 90′s” over and over again. Bless your heart!! :)

      Now you should try for the also very appropriate, “Ice Ice Baby”… You can do it! I have faith in you!!

      Jan 10, 2008 at 10:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.3   Team Cassandra bang

      Ugh…with special apologies to David Bowie and Queen *sigh*.

      Alright, STOP. Just shut up and LISTEN
      Cuz I’m came back with a brand new INVENTION -
      Because I set the temperature NIGHTLY
      Don’t touch it in the morning – Don’t even try me –
      Will you ever learn? Yo, I don’t know –
      Turn off the lights – And keep the temps low.

      To the extreme I’ll blow my top like a teapot
      If I come in here – And I think that it’s too hot.

      Ice ice baby (x2)

      COLD that’s how I like these rooms
      I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
      DEADLY when I write a note dontcha see?
      You better get a sweater cuz I’m about to get busy –
      Love it or leave it you better gain weight
      It’s gonna get cold now – the kid don’t play

      If there was a problem yo I’ll solve it
      Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

      Ice ice baby (x2)

      Now that the party is JUMPIN’
      With puma jackets and unitards PUMPIN’
      Quick to the point to the point no faking
      I’m cookin’ in this sweater like a pound of bacon
      Burning up, if you be quick and nimble –
      I go crazy when I hear a cymbal

      And that’s why my staff done left me
      I’m on a roll – I guess I’ll go solo

      ROLLIN’ at a cool 50
      And the fan is on so my hair can BLOW
      The customers are freezing, now they’re all leaving
      Did you stop? No. I gotta funny feeling
      KEPT ON pursuing – I’m the BOSS here
      Even when I LOST the feeling in my left ear
      My toes were dead Yo so I continued to:
      …..

      This shit is LONG yo. You get the idea….and, actually, it’s a LOT more complicated that MC Hammer…I didn’t have to change much tho…

      Here’s the video. His chicken head is too funny :D :

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp-is6S_b_g

      Jan 10, 2008 at 5:13 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.4   amy d bang

      Ahahahahahaha! Pretty damn good TC!

      :D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 5:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.5   mamason bang

      That was nice, nice, baby! :-P

      Jan 10, 2008 at 5:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   A.A guy

    Yeah it’s January,really COLD and there are no bars…but..let the adventure begin.

    Team,Momma didn’t raise a bright boy.

    P.S -41 C today….but thats with wind chill

    Jan 10, 2008 at 10:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      Isn’t Nunavut one of the few places on earth where the wind chill makes you warmer? Isn’t it, like, -63C right now? :D

      I don’t even know what that means. It seemed way funnier before I put it on (virtual) paper. :| Sorry.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 11:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   park rose bang

      Don’t worry, WP, we’ll take it as a virtual joke. :D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 10:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   Ariadne bang

    Hmm – employees working in a thrift shop who are cold. If only there were some place they could pick up a sweatshirt for say…$2.99. :D

    Jan 10, 2008 at 11:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   WanderingPenguin bang

      :D I was thinking the same thing but couldn’t figure out how to put it. Having one of those days, I guess. :D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Juliet bang

    I am amazed that Mara was able to get a picture of that note before someone defaced it. You can’t just leave a note like that alone. I’d draw penises on it, in pink pen if there was a pink pen available.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 11:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   morpho aurora bang

      here ya go!
      it’s a calligraphy pen, so really, try not to use it up. don’t leave the cap off, either. ;)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   Juliet

      Those look like fancy pens. You could draw some really artistic penises with them.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.3   morpho aurora bang

      i love ‘em! nothing says crazy like calligraphy pens on butcher’s paper :)

      Jan 10, 2008 at 1:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.4   Lurker

      Penises with icicles hanging from them.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 9:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.5   SHARKFAN bang

      very small penises.

      Jan 11, 2008 at 12:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   lou fah

    sometimes managers get their elevated positions because of the Charmin soft lips they apply to the head honcho’s ass.
    just sayin’.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   GhostWriter bang

    …an abbreviated version

    The heat ain’t on, turn on the heat
    The thermostat’s on 58
    But the boss is so loud; a creep inside
    He pressures hard, for us to wear attire
    ‘Cause the heat ain’t on

    Co-oh-old, Co-oh-old
    Cold until the action from working hard warms you
    Con-tro-ol, Con-tro-ol,
    Told me not to touch it
    Told me not to touch it
    Told me not to touch it
    The heat ain’t on …

    sing-along link featuring Eddie Murphy

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   Canthz_B bang

      Pure gold, GW! :-D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 5:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.2   Canthz_B bang

      Someone needs to start a website called Sarcastic Verses…sorry Mr. Rushdie, I just had to! :-D

      Jan 10, 2008 at 7:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #49   Karen bang

    What took you so long, GW ? I’ve been humming that tune for an hour. :)

    Good job !

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   GhostWriter bang

      …and now, hopefully, you’ll be humming it all day.

      Jan 10, 2008 at 12:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   the sos bang

    I’m more partial to THIS kind of management:

    In Court He Refers to the Judge As “Venerable Dickhead”

    Intern: Holy shit, it’s cold in here!
    Sandy*, ancient secretary: Allen*! This a law office — a professional place of business. We do not use profanity in this office. What if a client had been waiting in reception and heard you use that kind of language? In the future I would ask that you refrain from using that kind of language. I’m sure the partners would not appreciate you speaking that way to your coworkers, especially those who are older than you.
    Partner, entering five minutes later: Jesus-fucking-Christ, it’s cold in here! Goddamn, Larry* — cheapskate son of a bitch won’t turn the heat on until nine. Sandy, get me Larry’s number so I can give that asshole a piece of my mind. Fucking dick. Every goddamn winter he pulls this shit. And Sandy, make some coffee for these interns — it’s like 40 degrees in here!

    Law office
    New York, New York

    taken from: http://www.overheardintheoffice.com

    Jan 10, 2008 at 12:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   PixelPerfect

      That sounds like where I work! (except he’s always too hot)

      Our manager: “Goddamn it’s hot in here! Who turned up the heat?!”.

      Meanwhile 7 people huddle over their space heaters in each individual office. Fridged

      Jan 10, 2008 at 2:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   unholyghost2003 bang

    hmmm is this why thrift stores are ALWAYS cold? I thought the whole “thrift” thing was regarding their prices and what not, not their buisness management. Also ummm what are you supposed to be DOING to work hard enough to warm up at a thrift store? Running a register and what not doesn’t exactly make me work up a sweat.

    Now for story time:
    There is a store here in my town where the owner is such a greedy cheap bastard that he doesn’t heat it in the winter. At ALL. BTW This is in southern WISCONSIN. Then the numbnuts wonders why his sales fall in the winter. Ever think that CUSTOMERS might like to be warm? Or are THEY supposed to be working hard to warm up?

    * “lazy ass customers. If they were working harder, hard enough to keep warm in my store then they wouldn’t HAVE to shop a the thrift store!” Says evil thrift store manager while twirling mustache and turning down thermostat

    Jan 10, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   DrAstroZoom bang

    Wear a sweatshirt. Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t give a shit if you set your pansy ass on fire to stay warm, as long as you KEEP WORKING, MY SNIVELING MINIONS!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Jan 10, 2008 at 2:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   morpho aurora bang

      but but but we burned all the sweat shirts.
      fine, we’ll set somebody on fire. who was the last one to use the forbidden phrase? you’re up!

      Jan 10, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   Writerrejected bang

    Ridiculously sarcastic ass-hat for a boss: what a great concept.

    Jan 10, 2008 at 6:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   cre8tivewmn bang

    Customer: “Don’t you have any sweatshirts for sale? I’ve been looking all over!”

    Manager: “There should be a whole pile of them over there……wait a minute…!”

    Manager, on loudspeaker: “Attention employees! I told you to wear one of your own sweatshirts, not several of mine! Put the merchandise back right now! That applies to the coats, too!”

    Jan 10, 2008 at 6:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   Brandi Ballard

    I bet she covered this in a team huddle as well. My office makes me do things like this sometimes. :(

    Jan 11, 2008 at 12:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Lurker

    They HAVE to do the team huddle, just to stave off hypothermia.

    Jan 11, 2008 at 9:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Tiffany

    I think that is the best run-on sentence I have seen in a long time.

    Jan 11, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   in-game placement would have scored much higher in user engagement

    [...] (what is this “efficiency” of which you speak? it’s certainly not in the retail management handbook!) [...]

    Jan 21, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   fuhuck

    Mara won’t be missed.

    Peevish little clit.

    Sep 3, 2008 at 5:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   the rules for strip bingo

    [...] related: more like hardly working [...]

    Dec 8, 2008 at 2:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   the rules for strip bingo

    [...] related: more like hardly working [...]

    Dec 8, 2008 at 2:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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